MANAGER FOOD TREND REACHES NFL
GREEN BAY, Wisconsin (AP)... Last summer, during a viral interview, Milwaukee Brewers manager Pat Murphy pulled a pancake from his uniform pocket, took a bite and split it with the reporter. The Murph revealed he often eats them in the dugout during games, prompting the club to subsequently add “Murphy’s Pocket Pancakes” to their home stadium menu. Not far away, Packers players and coaches have seemingly followed suit, consuming “cleat clams and crepes”, “glove goulash”, headset ham hocks (though folding and fitting these into the communications device is said to be difficult), “facemask fishsticks” and “helmet hummus” before being removed by security after violating the local health code for bringing in food from outside the venue or at least generating the occasional penalty flag for “ineligible padding pierogi downfield”!
We remained hot last week, just missing a second straight perfect 5-0 effort because the Gators lost by one FG too many. We also hit our “lock” pick, called the exact score of the Tide-Badgers tilt and even made a few pesos courtesy of our Middle Tennessee State +9 over Reno “best bet”!
Aimin’ to continue the momentum, we’re settin’ the edge of da’ sportsbook with...
THE WEBER KID’S WEEK 4 FORECAST
(Lettin’ da’ big dogs eat!)
SAT. SEPT. 20
#9 Illinois (+6 ½) over #19 INDIANA: “LOCK OF DA’ WEEK”. UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. We doff our helmet to second-year HC Curt Cignetti, who reconstructed the Hoosiers from the ersatz of college football, directing them to two more wins in ‘24 (11) than the previous three seasons combined (9). His club increased scoring by 19 ppg and lowered points-against by two touchdowns while benefitting from a plus-15 turnover margin. Illini, 7-3 road dogs the last two campaigns, already notched a forecast dubya, pasting Duke by 26 in Durham earlier. Indy’s lone result of note was a 13-point home triumph vs. Old Dominatrix (who cost us a three-team parlay by besting Virginia Tech [which was -7 and jettisoned Coach Brent Pry after the fact], frittering away covers by Navy and Cal). IU is 2-5 ATS in last 7 vs. the Top 25. The Bronze Breadbasket trophy (actually there’s no such award, we made that up) goes to...Illinois 27 Indiana 24
#22 Auburn @ #11 OKLAHOMA (“under 47 ½”): Okies have permitted 19 points across three contests so far and have won ATS seven of their last ten vs. ranked opponents but are a fitty-fitty proposition covering in conference play. Is their 14-point win in Norman over Michigan worth at least a touchdown and XP (spread is 6 ½ as we go to press) more than Auburn’s 14-point road victory at Baylor? We can’t decide. Updating a Marc Lawrence stat, Tigers, who will start former OK QB Jackson Arnold against his old team, are now 1-9-1 following consecutive straight up triumphs. Sooners have covered 8 of last 10 laying points at Gaylord Family-Oklahoma Memorial Stadium (say that five times fast!). The duet has combined for 4 “unders” in 5 lined tilts with all four ending below this total...Boomer Schooner 24 War Eagle 20
#16 UTAH (-3) over #17 Texas Tech: Nagging doubts about this choice linger and the “over 57 ½” might be the more prudent prediction. Utes went pitiful 2-5 in Big 12 play last year but have won and covered both lined tilts of ‘25, both on the road. Pass-heavy Tech is 7-4 as a road puppy but last season’s scoring D was dreadful at 35 ppg (13th-worst nationally, next to last in the conference and 3rd-worst among Power Four teams) as evidenced by 52-51 OT win over FCS Abby Christian to start ‘24 and only West Virginia hit the board for less than 21. Utah’s pass defense is 20th in the country (134 ypg, 1 TD, 4 picks). The coin likes the visitor and the points, but until “Guns Up” proves it can shut down a real opponent...Utah 33 Red Raiders 27
#23 MISSOURI (-9 ½) over South Carolina: Woulda’ been a Top 25 pairing had the Game Hens not dropped from the rankings this week following ambush by upstart Vandy. We’re worried that this one seems too easy, especially since the spread keeps falling, but might reflect the 31 points yielded to Kansas by MU and SC’s sloppiness in loss to the Commodores. ‘Cocks’ neutral site victory over Virginia Tech holds no water considering above-noted coaching departure. Under center for Mizzou is former Penn State back-up QB Beau Pribula, who can run when needed (4th leading rusher on the team, three rushing scores in as many games). Tigers boast #5 ground game at over 300 rush ypg and second-best running back in the person of Ahmad Hardy. Carolina’s rush D ain’t bad...#47 at just shy of 108 ypg-allowed. Tigers, playing their fourth of six straight games in Columbia, could just about meet the total (currently 48) by itself en route to payback for one of three defeats in 2024...Show Me State 39 Pugilistic Poultry 20
Michigan State (+17 ½) over #25 USC: Thought about this one for “lock”. In our opinion, video game stats against a pair of nobodies and a 16-point win over a Purdue squad that went 1-11 SU last year make spotting more than two touchdowns with USC, whose last poll appearance was almost 12 months ago, require more intestinal fortitude than we’re willing to display at the moment. In addition, its front seven is full of sophomores. To Sudden Cal’s credit is covering all four fave-spots at the Coliseum last season and per Marc Lawrence, taking the spread money 7 times in last 8 lining up across from the Big Temper Tantrum Conference. State hasn’t tallied more than five scoreboard dubyas in a season since notching 11 of ‘em in 2021, but we expect it to loiter long enough here. Both sides show top-heavy experience on offense (and scoring to support that) and we peeked long and hard at the “over 55 ½”... Troy Boys 34 Sparty 28
BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS
BTW, in related news, yer hangry host often reaches into the hidey-holes, nooks and crannies of his apparel to extract “ballcap bagels”, “fanny pack falafels“, “wallet wontons”, “Reebok raisins” and “sweatsock sushi” to munch on while at the sportsbook counter!
WR Tyler Buchner is still in confession at a South Bend chapel for botching the hold on a PAT that put the Irish up just 6 rather than 7 in eventual 41-40 demise against A&M.
We caught a bogus Facebook article asserting Taylor Swift would be the guest picker of ESPN’s College GameDay in Happy Valley for the Villanova clash. The TV crew was obviously elsewhere that afternoon, but had it come pass, we woulda’ wondered how many times the camera would pan to a luxury box at Beaver Stadium showing Travis Kelce cheering on his main squeeze, if a jealous Brittany Mahomes would crash the set and whether or not the pop star would turn to the Blue & White student section to say “You Need to Calm Down”!
Travelling back into the vault for 2024, conducting its first-ever alternate Super Bowl broadcast, instead of the National Anthem, Nickelodeon trotted out Ren & Stimpy to perform the “Rugrats” theme song!
Given the Sunday League’s propensity toward having safer activities during the Pro Bowl, we suggest having the event hosted at Seaside Heights, New Jersey and replace flag football, tug of war and dodgeball with beach badminton, sandcastle building, mini golf, boogie board races, Skee-Ball and pizza eating contests! Vendors who are normally closed that time of year could unshutter their shops and reel-in plenty of money! Win-win!
The NFL is cracking down this season “simulating the start of a play”. Seems like a defensive lineman can’t wink, scratch his nose, adjust his mouthguard and jockstrap, spit into the neutral zone or “fart in the general direction” of the line-of-scrimmage (Monty Python & the Holy Grail fans will get that reference) without drawing a yellow hankie these days!
With preseason hockey droppin’ da’ puck this weekend, we note during a charity hockey game in February, Justin Bieber playfully “threw down” with NHL legend Jeremy Roenick. Roenick gently “hip-checked” Biebs, sending him spinning into the boards. The pop star flopped to the ice and retaliated with a light-hearted slash then shed the gloves while spewing a line from his hit song “Love Yourself”...”My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone” ahead of the faux fisticuffs. Both were sent to the penalty box for “roughing”, with the Canadian singer getting an extra two minutes as “instigator”. Adding insult to injury the PA announcer piped a barrage of Bieber’s songs into Roenick’s side of the sin bin!
If a book series details certain erotic tendencies of the 2024 Preakness winner, is it called “Fitty Shades of Seize Da’ Grey”??!!
Hooray fer Da’ Little Guy: Monmouth and New Hampshire almost pulled it off in shootouts against Charlotte and Ball State, respectively. This week’s FCS clubs with the best chance to get a road win over an FBS foe include #8 Idaho @ SAN JOSIE STATE (lost to The Chippies of Central Michigan before dropping a 31-point decision at Texas) and unranked Duquesne @ AKRON (the futility continues at what used to be called the Glass Bowl, two shutout defeats and a 3-point loss at UAB so far). As a side note...in May, the Zips were ousted from possible post-eligibility for failing to meet the required APR of 930, coming in well-below at 914. Akron was the first team to have this dubious honor since then-FBS Idaho in 2014.
Black Shirt: This week’s Terrific Tee goes to ‘Bama SS Bray Hubbard for snaring a pick that killed a late 3rd Quarter scoring drive by Wisconsin. Honorable mention to teammate Conor Talty for 33-yard FG early in 4th Quarter that would ultimately be the margin necessary to secure Tide’s cover in that game.
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Last Week: 1-0 Season: 3-0 (1.000) Pickin’ A&M @ ND “over 49 ½” turned out to be easy money after the teams combined for 81 points!
Shoppe Talk: We’re beating the tiger-skin rugs over a clothesline with a wooden paddle after LSU dropped to 0-2 (.000) on the year and 0-4 back to last season.
Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 (.500) Season: 4-8 (.333)
North Texas -2 over ARMY, LIBERTY + 8½ over James Madison, SOUTH ALABAMA –14 ½ over Coastal Carolina, Arkansas @ MEMPHIS “over 61 ½”
Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to film the season finale of “The Summer I Turned Vindy”.
