Wednesday, October 07, 2015
LEGENDARY BAND TOURING COLLEGE CAMPUSESEAST RUTHERFORD, New Jersey (AP)…The Rolling Stones kicked-off a tour this summer in Atlanta at Bobby Dodd Stadium, home of da’ Joja’ Tech Yellowjackets football team. The crowd went nuts when Mick and the boys broke into a live version of “Bees of Burden”! The Nittany Lions concert choir subsequently accompanied the famous rockers for a gig at Heinz Field, home of da’ Steelers, where media overheard…”I see a *red zone* and I want to paint *Pitt* *black*”?! Other venues on the slate include Raleigh, North Carolina and Kent, Ohio. Songs on the playlist include “Sympathy for da’ Blue Devils” and “Jumpin’ Jack Golden Flash”, respectively! Promoters are reportedly scheduling a local date at the Meadowlands, where Rutgers fans anxiously await singing along to such lyrics as “I will be your Scarlet Knight..in shi-ning ar-morrr…coming to your E-motionallll…Rescuuue”.
Vindy mustered a disappointing 7-10 result for last week, failing to correctly pick a game featuring a team in the AP Top 8, but saw his preferred selections (lock of da’ week and best bets) combine to go 6-2 (.750), prompting your omniscient oracle to croon, “Ya’ can’t…al-ways git what ya waa-aaannnt! Ya’ can’t..always git what ya waaa-aannnt! Ya’ can’t…always git what ya waaa-aannnt! But if ya try sometimes…you’ll fiiiind…ya git what ya neeeed.” With the puck droppin’ on the NHL regular season tonight, from behind the photo of a goalie-masked Tim Thomas, kept inside his driver’s side visor (raise yer hand if ya remember that commercial!), Vindy reveals…
THE WEBER KID’S 2015 WEEK 6 FORECAST
(Servin’ “Five fer Fightin’-Irish”!)
THURS. OCT. 8Washington (+17) over #17 USC: Trojans 31 Sled Dogs 17
SAT. OCT. 10#1 OHIO STATE (-33 ½) over Maryland: Best guess for “Wish We Had It Back”. Will the Buckeyes, on 0-4 ATS slide, score 34 this week?! Once a quarterback instrumental in da’ Buckeyes national championship venture last season, Braxton Miller, at WR, has basically been a non-factor to-date. State managed of all of a pair of FGs in first-half vs. Indy squad not known for its defensive prowess. Following yet-another slow start, just before the 3rd Quarter, Coach Meyer called Uber and arranged rides to get his offense downfield in the final 30 minutes. Likewise, Terps have a lot of seniors on offense, but have produced just six total points over past two weeks. Da’ Alma Mater visits Da’ ‘Shoe next week…OSU 41 Terps 3
KANSAS STATE (+9) over #2 Texas Christian: Frogger 34 KSU 31KANSAS (+44) over #3 Baylor: Marc Lawrence’s Playbook. Com recommends wagering against any undefeated team facing a winless club off an SU/ATS loss starting in Week 5 forward. There were no match-ups meeting the criteria in Week 5, but the forth- coming Saturday offers one such opportunity in this one as da’ Bears have won all four of its game SU and the Jayhawks are winless and coming off a spread-loss at Iowa State. (We’re countin’ on ya here, Marc!)…Baylor 57 Kansas 17
#4 Michigan State (-15) over RUTGERS: RU was on a bye while State squeaked past Purdue after taking a 21-zip to the locker room at halftime. Spartans have easily covered road games ahead of Michigan match in each of the past two seasons. Collectively, these teams are 0-8 ATS on the year. At the behest of presidential-wanna’-be Chris Christie, Rutgers is piloting the governor’s proposal on immigration, enlisting Fed-Ex technology to monitor the ongoing-whereabouts of opposing players who’ve crossed state-lines into New Joisey for games in Piscataway vs. the Scarlet Knights. When the game-clock shows zeroes, the opponents will receive text-messages telling them it’s time to return to from whence they came! Data on home-foes Norfolk State, Washington State and Kansas has already been recorded and transmitted!...MSU 34 Garden State Parkway Paladins 17#5 UTAH (-7) over #23 California: Utes 41 Bears 30
#6 CLEMSON vs. Georgia Tech (“Under 54 ½): Tigers 27 Bees 21SOUTH CAROLINA (+13) over #7 Louisiana State: Eastern Michigan scored two touchdowns in a 38-second span of the 2nd Quarter and LSU let off the throttle following a pick-six early in the final stanza, just running out the clock for last 12 minutes of the game, up 22, to support our dog-plus-44 selection! Poultry’s on 1-3 ATS skid, losing by 14 to Mizzou last week. We don’t trust either side and let da’ coin make da’ call (you’ve been duly-advised!). Last week, Starbucks announced that from now on, it will only use eggs from cage-free chickens. In a like move, the Gamecocks football team will field only cage-free athletes on da’ gridiron!...Bengals 24 Nuggets 16
Arkansas (+16 ½) over #8 ALABAMA: Tide 31 Soooeey Pigs 20#9 Texas A&M: IDLE (next vs. Alabama)
Texas (+16 ½) over #10 Oklahoma (@Dallas, TX): Steers have faced three Top 25 opponents and been smoked by two of ‘em, but Sooners have a more-dangerous game next week at Kansas State. Charlie Strong’s season is slipping away quickly with Texas at 1-4 SU and if his team has any pride left all, they’ll bring it here. We rely on the recent history of this series, which shows Texas splitting the last two SU and covering both (losing by just 5 in 2014). UT did a Game of Thrones-themed video ahead of its Spring Game. We’re thinkin’ they’ll do one here too, reprising the Red River Rivalry Wedding episode, to which we simply respond…”The North Dallas-Forty Remembers.”…OK 31 ‘Horns 19#11 Florida (-4½) over MISSOURI: Tigers seem to excel when they’re getting very little love from the media and handicappers, but minus the aforementioned win over South Carolina, Mizzou is truly struggling, will be without suspended QB Maty Mauk (which actually might be a positive!) and is 1-3 ATS. Gators, going back to last season, have now covered 8 of last 10 matches. Chomp looks fer a little payback after getting’ bashed by Missouri in 2013 and 2014...Florida 20 Missouri 13
Miami (+9 ½) over #12 FLORIDA STATE (“under 51): Settin’ a new precedent, we’re selecting both a side and a total on da’ same game!...FSU 23 ‘Canes 16#13 Northwestern (+8) over #18 MICHIGAN: Big Blue has thrown back-to-back shutouts and allowed just 14 total points in last four games. Purple Persians white-washed Minny 27-0 last week and have allowed an average of just 7 points per game over first five. Last March, Wolverines then-new head coach Jim Harbaugh satirically tempted DE Boss Tagaloa to join Big Blue with a sign that read, “UM would be sour without you, so let’s make it sweet Mich” after the De La Salle HS (California) player got invited to his prom by a similar sign. No idea if the player will ultimately select Ann Arbor, but Coach got himself several date-options for Michigan’s Homecoming Dance this week!...UM 16 N-DUB 14
#14 MISSISSIPPI (-42) over New Mexico State: Ole Miss 63 NMSU 14Navy (+14 ½) over #15 NOTRE DAME: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Middies, 3-0 ATS in FBS competition, were busy trashin’ Air Force last week while Irish may have left it on the field, scoring 19 of final 22 4th Quarter points, only to come up short at Clemson. Our Lady has already seen some option this season, edging Joja’ Tech, but unlike da’ Jackets, da’ Ensigns believe in throwin’ the ball too. Only convincing-wins for the Leprechauns came vs. floundering Texas club and UMass. We wouldn’t be shocked to see an upset, but we’ll just say…Catholics 27 Boat People 20
#16 Stanford: IDLE (next 10/15 vs. UCLA)#19 Georgia (-2 ½) over TENNESSEE: ‘Dawgs 28 Rocky Top 23
#20 UCLA: IDLE (next 10/15 @ Stanford)#21Oklahoma State (+7) over WEST VIRGINIA: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. WVU and Oklahoma combined for (GASP!) 7 turnovers plus 23 flags for 245 penalty yards last week during Mounties 20-point home-loss (and an “over” that recorded our first “lock” win on the 2015 campaign!). State can swap sixes with the host team and plays a little D on the other side of the ball too…Cowpokes 35 West Virginia 29
#22 IOWA (-11) over Illinois: Iowa 24 Illinois 9Kent State (+15) over #24 TOLEDO: Flashes, though 1-2-1 against the spread, have improved a bit from 2-9 SU campaign in 2014, being just 10 points from 4-1 SU this season rather than current 2-3. Trends support both sides, so gotta’ take the more-than-two touchdowns here. With the Rockets at 4-0 “under” the total, including a 2OT affair, we’d also consider “under” 44. Wisconsin Badgers coach Paul Chryst was quoted as saying, “I got a degree from Wisconsin. It’s not like you have to be a rocket scientist.” Apparently, that requirement is incumbent upon graduates of…Toledo 27 Kent State 14
#25 Boise State @ COLORADO STATE (“Over 59 ½”): Broncos have smoked three of the worst teams in the nation the past three games, hittin’ da’ fitties in each of ‘em while pitchin’ a pair of goose-eggs defensively. Rams are by no means one of the country’s lousiest teams and were embarrassed at Texas-San Antonio in Week 5. First-year CSU coach Mike Bobo inherited 15 returning starters, but none are his guys. Broncos need style-points to potentially keep pace with Toledo for that Group-of-Five spot in the New Year’s Six Bowls…Tater-Heads 44 Rams 24BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, we think NHL officials should be allowed to skate in shifts like the players…and be subject to penalties for…too many linesmen on the ice!In a moment of nostalgia, Vindy has also decided that NHL games, still scoreless after the first OT period, should go to a shoot-out…using the 1976 Super Jock hockey player!
And as a matter-of-fact, your nimble narrator went 7-1 pickin’ games featuring squads among the AP #15 thru #24!In light of da’ Alma Mater’s mere 20-14 win in Happy Valley vs. the Keydets of West Point, we note that the U.S. Army selected Penn State as a partner for its new educational fellowship. Twenty Sergeants-Major enrolled in the Fall semester in the online Masters of Education program in Adult Education, teaching enlisted soldiers in operation of all levels of leadership. They’re full-time students, stationed at the academy at Ft. Bliss, Texas. Vindy is familiar with Uncle Sam’s Air Defense Artillery School, having suffered thru Basic Training there in 1985 and suspects students are learning to bring down paper airplanes in the classroom with Vulcans and other “if it flies, it dies” weaponry!
Kudos to handicapper and Gaming Today contributor Richard Saber for going 17-3 over the past two weeks on his college football picks! (And we’ve probably just doomed his Week 6 selections!)Ahead of their 27-14 victory this past Sunday in London, the NY Jets shipped 350 rolls of American toilet paper because the British brand (Quilted Northern Ireland?) didn’t quite measure-up density-wise. Fer the Seinfeld fans out there, we’re not sure how many “squares” were or weren’t “spared”, but a Native American spiritual healer attending the game rushed the field to help an injured player and got sandwiched between two other athletes simply trying to protect their fallen comrade, leading the scoreboard-operator to post a digital-message asking, “Please …don’t squeeze da’ shaman!”
Reachin’ back a bit fer this one, but…in July of 2013, Cowboys Stadium changed its moniker to AT&T Stadium. Jerry Jones was quoted as saying he wants “this building to be more familiar than the White House”. Only if multiple folks successfully jump the fences outside the structure-in-question or land their unauthorized gyrocopters on da’ fitty-yard line!Acknowledging the beginning of this season’s MLB playoffs, we note that in order to demonstrate more respect for the game, Dodgers OF Yasiel Puig said he was gonna’ lower the number of bat-flips he did following successful hits. In a show of solidarity with the young Major Leaguer and givin’ a little love to the bookies, Vindy said he’d reduce the number of beer bottle flips after calling each winning pick!
“Wish We Had It Back”: Texas +16 over TCU. We called it as such in our Week 5 forecast and the ‘Horns got ripped by the Toads 50-7!“Locked in a Box?”: We finally put a “lock” pick in the win-column (1-4, .200) behind the high-scoring affair between Oklahoma and West Virginia!
Black Shirt: We split the onyx undergarment between K-State back-up QB Joe Hubener for his 5-yard TD run that kept the Wildcats within the spread at Oklahoma State with about three minutes to play and Badgers QB Joel Stave fer the two picks and three fumbles that allowed Iowa to cash-in on our “upset alert” pick!Shoppe Talk: Clemson hosed us again and now stands-in at 0-3 (.000) on the season and 3-12 (.200) in past 15 at-bats! Da’ Baylor Bears and Joja’ Dawgs each show-up this week at 0-3 (.000) and we’re pitchin’ a Big Top tent to accommodate da’ elephants of Alabama (1-4, .250)!
Vindy’s Week 6 Best Bets: Last Week: 5-2 Season: 13-10 (.565) WESTERN MICHIGAN -7 ½ over Central Michigan, UConn-CENTRAL FLORIDA “under” 38 ½, Weeziana Tech -12 over UTSA, Duke-ARMY “under” 49, PITT-Virginia “under” 46 ½
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
FORECASTER MENTIONED AT U.N. GATHERINGUNITED NATIONS, New York (ITAR-Tass)…Talks between President Obama and President Vladimir Putin were reportedly frosty at best over topics involving Syria and other foreign relations issues this week, but things got really testy when the Soviet leader reiterated a plan by officials at the Kremlin to publically-humiliate citizens committing minor offenses by posting pictures of them engaged in the wrong-doing online and on entrances to apartment buildings where they reside. The Russian president said he would include bettors caught on camera making wagers with Vindy’s Picks at any Soviet sportsbook!
Meanwhile, far away from political tensions in the Big Apple, your prestigious prognosticator was makin’ like Salt & Peppa and pushin’ it reeeeal good with a 9-8-2 tally in Week 4 (34-36-3, .486)! Two years ago, Putin, in another PR move, piloted a personal-submersible fitty-meters-down off da’ Finland coast to take a peek at a sunken Russian vessel. Given his previous “adventure” outings, in which he staged an arranged-finding of a species of pre-historic eel and later tranquilized a tiger-cub straight from a zoo, we don’t care if he went spelunking in Helm’s Deep and discovered...
THE WEBER KID’S 2015 WEEK 5 FORECAST
(Now with accompanying stress-relievin’ adult coloring book!)
#1 Ohio State @ INDIANA “over 64 ½”: Buckeyes 42 Hoosiers 27#2 MICHIGAN STATE (-23) over Purdue: Spartans 44 Boilermakers 17
#3 Mississippi (-7 ½) over #25 FLORIDA: Da’ Chomp, 4-0 SU/3-1 ATS, is here with a hashtag solely on the strength of a missed last-minute FG by Tennessee. Ole Mist appropriately suffered its post-upset of ‘Bama vs. Vandy in spread-loss last week and should be focused for this one…Rebels 29 Gators 14Texas (+16) (72) over #4 TCU: Best guess fer “Wish We Had It Back”, but both squads were involved in last minute-decisions last week, with Longhorns yielding a late FG in regulation (and we ain’t sure whether we should be upset with the “push” or happy with the “coulda’-been-ATS-loss-in-extras”)…TCU 37 Steers 27
Texas Tech (+17) over #5 Baylor (@Arlington, TX): This one got consideration for “lock” pick. Red Raiders are 3-0 ATS and could be without starting QB Mahomes, but should be okay with back-up Davis Webb. “Guns-Up” almost took out TCU last week in crazy 55-52 loss in game that was noted by your narrator as “upset alert”. We hope they can get up again for ranked, in-state rival Baylor, facing its first real challenge and to whom they lost 48-46 in 2014 …Bears 44 Tech 41#6 Notre Dame (+1) over #12 CLEMSON: Irish 31 Tigers 24
#7 UCLA (-13 ½) over Arizona State: Bruins 35 ASU 17#8 GEORGIA (-2) over #13 Alabama: Okay…we get the whole two-scores-in-the-4th-Quarter in losing effort vs. Ole Miss, but Tide was cruisin’…up 34-nada with over 10 minutes left and couldn’t register one more TD with what…the 5th-string?…against Weeziana-Corn-Row…to cover minus-38???!!! Nick Chubb continues to be “the man” for Joja’. First ‘dog role for Crimson Schnide since 2009 conference-crown match-up. UGA has lost just 2 of previous 23 SU between da’ topiary!...Georgia 31 Elephants 24
Eastern Michigan (+44 ½) over #9 LSU: State cost us yet-another “lock” pick with mere 10-point victory against Syracuse. Tigers collected 14 (count ‘em, fourteen!) yellow hankies, prompting Coach Miles to say his team needs to cut down on mistakes. EMU got shelled by Army, but LSU goes into SEC-opener at da’ Pugilistic Poultry next and Eagles have gone 1-3 in last four tries vs. the Top 25, losing by an average of 43 in the three blown covers. Why expend the energy on the Baton Rouge sideline?…LSU 37 EMU 3#10 Utah: IDLE (next vs. Cal)
#11 Florida State (-19) over WAKE FOREST: ‘Noles 35 Wake Forest 11#21 Mississippi State (+6 ½) over #14 TEXAS A&M: Aggies 28 MSU 24
#23 West Virginia @ #15 OKLAHOMA (“over 58”): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Mounties have scored 41 or better in each of their first three games. Sooners yielded a combined 62 points the past two games, while hittin’ the scoreboard themselves to the tune of 83…Boomer Schooner 38 WVU 35#16 NORTHWESTERN (-4 ½) over Minnesota: N-DUB 27 Gophers 20
#17 USC: IDLE (next vs. Washington 10/8)Arizona @ #18 STANFORD: OFF
Iowa (+7) over #19 WISCONSIN: UPSET ALERT. Badgers 19 Iowa 17 (We also lean a bit to “under 48”)Kansas State (+7 ½) (50) over #20 OKLAHOMA STATE: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. We’re guessin’ that the halftime-show debauchery at the North Dakota game intermission’ll be the last time Wildcats band director Frank Tracz utters, “You have the Comm, Mr. Drum Major. Endulge yerself.” Just wonderin’ if the band had its musical instruments “set to stun”!...Purple Persians 27 Cowpokes 24
#22 Michigan (-15) over MARYLAND: Wolverines 30 Box Turtles 12Washington State (+18) over #24 CALIFORNIA: Bears off back-to-back tough road-wins at Texas and at UDUB (which cost us a “best bet” pick last week). Wazzou opened the season by losing at home to I-AA Portland State, but has since edged Rutgers in New Jersey and whacked a poor Wyoming team in Pullman last Saturday. It’s Homecoming at Berkeley, but Cal won 60-59 in 2014, has an away-date at Utah next, has been lousy home-chalk the past couple seasons, and we ain’t comfortable layin’ almost three touchdowns here…California 34 Coogs 19
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKSStudents at Hampshire High School, West Virginia got to see brief footage from Fitty Shades of Grey after duping a teacher into letting them do so as “a reward”. An assistant principal in the vicinity put the kibosh on the flick just moments into it. The offending teacher eventually let his charges watch a certain segment of Monty Python & the Holy Grail featuring Sir Galahad at Castle Anthrax!
In July, NFL Commish Roger Goodell gave a thumbs-up to Tom Brady’s four-game sit-out, sending the case to court, prompting the Patriots’ beleaguered QB, after viewing a notable episode of Game of Thrones, to request… “trial-by-combat”.The Apple Watch, released in April, contains a “taptic” engine, which simulates the feeling of a tap on the wrist. The Pats are already trying to figure out how to circumvent uniform regulations and synchronize the timepieces in the huddle to defeat crowd noise during road games and eliminate the need for silent snap-counts!
In a post-loss tirade last Spring, Cincinnati Reds skipper Bryan Price blurted out 77 F-bombs to reporters. What self-respectin’ manager utters “forecast” nearly 80 times in response to media questions???!!!Mark Zuckerberg recently announced plans for a Facebook “dislike” button. The social media site is going to pilot the gadget for the next couple months each time da’ Weber Kid announces publication of that week’s “Vindy’s Picks”!
Doing his best Ariana Grande impersonation, Vindy allowed himself to be captured on film licking unsold parlay cards at a local sportsbook!Hooray (Again) for the Little Guys: Then-FCS #8 James Madison edged SMU 48-45.
“Wish We Had It Back”: BYU +5 over MICHIGAN after we questioned how much the Cougars had “left in the tank” last week.“Locked in a Box?”: The Bengals let da’ Cuse hang around way too long, continuing the “lock” woes, now at 0-4 (.000)!!!
Black Shirt: This week’s award goes to Navy NT Bernard Sarra for recovering a fumble with 36 seconds to play, ending UConn’s final opportunity to score, allowing the Middies to cover -7 and bring in one of our two winning “best bet” selections! Honorable mention to da’ quarter that we used to make our DUKE +9 over Joja’ Tech choice via coin-toss!Shoppe Talk: Joining Clemson is another set of Tigers…from Mizzou (0-3, .000)…and the large wooden Badgers of Wisconsin (0-3, .000)!
Vindy’s Week 5 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 8-8 (.500) North Carolina +7 ½ over JOJA’ TECH, Western Kentucky -7 ½ over RICE, Boston College +7 over DUKE, Northern Illinois -2 ½ over CENTRAL MICHIGAN, East Carolina -5 ½ over SMU, Joja’ Sudden -6 ½ over WEEZIANA-MONROE, Colorado State +5 over UTAH STATE
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
COPS, FORECASTER MUTUALLY-SURPRISED DURING TRAININGLAS VEGAS, Nevada (FOX)…They came with their guns and their bombs and their stun-grenades and their tear-gas and their battering rams, prepared to subdue or rescue whatever they found inside after busting in the doors. Law Enforcement agencies from Homeland Security and Secret Service right down to Vegas Valley police departments and a troupe from the local actors’ guild portraying the Keystone Cops regularly-converged upon the currently-shuttered Riviera Hotel & Casino ahead of its impending implosion for participating in simulation exercises. Officials at the various departments, who monitored the exercises by video-camera said the looks on everyone’s faces was priceless when the responders unexpectedly encountered the Vegas Vindicator hiding out in the now-defunct sportsbook while penning his most recent set of weekly picks. Civilian witnesses say it was like watching the end of Blazing Saddles or the Blue Brothers, Rambo and Colonel Troutman in a charge vs. the Russians in Afghanistan in Rambo III, Beatrix Kiddo vs. the Crazy 88’s in Kill Bill: Vol.1 or Butch and Sundance in an ill-fated rush into the cross-fire of the Bolivian Army!
Fortunately, our Week 3 predictions survived the chaos! The ‘dogs howled, covering 14 of 19, resulting in a 10-8 (25-28-1, .472) final tally. With the generic search warrant he keeps in his cleats, Vindy’s kickin’-in the portal to the sportsbook with…THE WEBER KID’S 2015 WEEK 4 FORECAST
(Within NFL standards for PSI…Picks per Square Inch!)
FRI. SEPT. 25OREGON STATE (+15) over #21 Stanford: Cardinal 17 Beavers 10
SAT. SEPT. 26Western Michigan (+31) over #1 OHIO STATE: OSU QB Cardale Jones, who waxed hospital-ridden youth Jared Foley 98-35 in an April game of NCAA Football was challenged by said opponent to a face-off in NHL 15. Of the original 63-point beatdown, Jones said “I took it easy on you, Bro.” Is it just Vindy or is anybody else flashin’ back to Faye Dunaway’s performance as Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest who said “I’m bigger and I’m faster, I’ll always beat you.” (Which is probably what Urban Meyer said to Jones after relegating the QB to back-up status this week)…Buckeyes 41 WMU 17
Central Michigan (+27 ½) over #2 MICHIGAN STATE: Best guess for “Wish I Had It Back”. Da’ MAC’s been good (see “Hashmarks” below). As predicted, Sparty went thru the motions, especially in the second half, vs. Air Force off close win over the Ducks and failed to cover, giving up 3 turnovers. MSU is yielding an averaging of 24+ points-against over first three matches. Chippies are under new management and off OT loss at Syracuse. State has Big Tentacle-opener next vs. not-as-improved-as-expected Purdue…Spartans 38 Chippewas 13Vanderbilt (+25 ½) over #3 MISSISSIPPI: Rebels 31 Admirals 9
TEXAS TECH (+7 ½) over #4 Texas Christian: UPSET ALERT. TCU laid 82 on Tech last season and could try to grind out a victory with the rushing game but Tech thwarted Arkansas’ two 1000-yard rushers from a year ago…Frogs 38 Red Raiders 34Rice (+34 ½) over #5 BAYLOR: Bears 54 Owls 28
#6 NOTRE DAME (-28) over Massachusetts: This summer, a man who had imbibed a bit too much tequila initially swiped the Blarney Stone from the D Las Vegas (formerly Fitzgerald’s) before sobering up and remorsefully returning the rock. Hotel-resort ownership did not press charges, noting they were ‘just glad to get it back”. Likewise, a South Bend resident celebrated the Fightin’ Irish victory over Joja’ Tech with a bit too much Jameson whiskey and spirited-away a campus icon before apologetically-returning it to its rightful owners. The Notre Dame administration also waived legal action against the offender, saying “Our Lady is just happy to get Touchdown Jesus back”!...Leprechauns 49 Minutemen 16Southern @ #7 GEORGIA: No line.
#8 LSU (-24) over Syracuse: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Yep, we have yet to convert a “lock” pick and now back our 4th straight chalk-selection in the category. Auburn had no solution to RB Leonard Fournette, who ran for two-bills-and-change on 19 totes. Only Eastern Michigan awaits the Bengals with next SEC contest still two weeks away…LSU 41 Orange 9#9 Ucla (-4) over #16 ARIZONA: If UCLA’s freshman QB is truly “all that”, here’s the chance to show it. Bruins also swap out key defenders, getting one back from suspension after losing another to injury…UCLA 24 AZ 19
#10 Florida State: IDLE (next @ Wake Forest)#11 Clemson: IDLE (next vs. Notre Dame)
#12 ALABAMA (-38) over Louisiana-Monroe: Tide logged 500+ yards of offense and was minus-five turnovers in loss to Ole Miss. Warhawks lost by 37 earlier at Joja’ and burn money getting points off a bye week… ’Bama 48 ULM 3#18 Utah (+13) over #13 OREGON: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Second choice fer “lock” pick. Following the Iggles’ 10-point “effort” in their home-loss to Dallas (who started already minus WR Dez Bryant and later lost QB Tony Romo) on Sunday, Chip Kelly was on da’ Bat-Phone to Oregon’s former OC-turned-Head Coach. Tony Helfrich. Kelly offered to swap several members of his defense in trade for Mallards QB Vernon Adams and RB Royce Freeman!...Utah 31 Drakes 27
#14 Texas A&M (-7) over Arkansas (@ Arlington, TX): Aggies 31 Bacon Strips 20#15 Oklahoma: IDLE (next vs. West Virginia)
#17 NORTHWESTERN (-18 ½) over Ball State: Wildcats have pulled out some low-scoring wins vs. defensive-minded teams thus far, including our predicted upset of Duke. Cardinals are sieves, allowing an average of 36 ppg. Even with a visit from Iowa looming, we like…N-Dub 34 BSU 7#19 Southern Cal (-6) over ARIZONA STATE: In the upset-loss to Stanford, Trojans were out-statted (is that a word?) in every category except return-yardage. We were high on the Shun Devils until they were throttled by A&M on a neutral field to open the year. Sarkisian can deflect a little heat with a nice win in his first road-game of the season. State’s won this contest two years running and been victorious in 14 of its last 16 in Tempe, but…USC 38 ASU 29
DUKE (+9) over #20 Georgia Tech: Bees 27 Duke 23#22 Brigham Young (+5 ½) over MICHIGAN: Third road game in last four weeks for BYU. Not sure what’s left in the tank following two emotional upset-wins and a near-miss on Saturday at UCLA. UM coach Jim Harbaugh, before coachin’ his first game for Michigan, got a Twitter shout-out from Judge Judy, helped two people hurt in a roll-over crash near the school and spent a day as the first-base coach for the Oakland A’s. Also around the “diamond”, Vegas product and major leaguer Bryce Harper dispelled a myth that all who espouse the Mormon faith are fans of BYU. GASP! Does that mean all Irish Catholics don’t necessarily root fer Notre Dame or at least… Boston College???!!! Say it ain’t so!...Cougars 23 Michigan 20
Hawaii (+24 ½) over #23 WISCONSIN: USC transfer Max Wittek has been a reasonable addition at QB for the ‘Bows, who have sandwiched wins over Colorado and I-AA UC-Davis around a shutout loss at Ohio State (that saw UH still in it until the 4th Quarter). Wittek does show just a 5-4 TD pass-to-INT ratio however, but Hawaii has lost by this many just once in each of the last two years. Buckeyes won by 38 and Badgers hace Big Tenor opener next vs. Iowa…Wisconsin 31 Hawaii 8TEXAS (+3) over #24 Oklahoma State: Second-best guess for “Wish I Had It Back”. Cowboys haven’t really faced a team of note. Steers’ coach Charlie Strong had the boys fight in a huge 4th Quarter that fell a point-short in 45-44 loss to Cal and the alumni are grumbling…’Horns 27 ‘Pokes 24
#25 Missouri (+2) over KENTUCKY: Tigers 19 KY 16BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, regarding our Ohio State commentary above, will Jones ultimately tell Foley…”Noooooo….wiiiirrrrrrre… hannnnnngerrrrrrrs!”?????!!!!“Hi, I’m Vindicator…and I have Direct TV.” “And I’m Outta’-Control-Beer Vindicator…and I have cable.” Vindicator: “I can watch all my favorite teams, even during an Alaskan cruise.” Outta’-Control-Beer Vindicator: “I can only watch teams playin’ within a 24-frosted-mug radius.” Vindicator: “I can place wagers at the sportsbook with confidence.” Outta’-Control-Beer Vindicator-“ I have to stack and scale empty kegs to change digital light bulbs on the betting-board to get favorable spreads before casino-security shows up!” Vindicator: “Don’t be like this Vindy. Get rid of cable. Switch to Direct TV.”
Last week, Queen Elizabeth was recognized as Great Britain’s longest-serving monarch at 23,231 days….or just-shy of JoePa’s reign as head coach at Vindy’s alma mater (and just-ahead of Virginia Tech’s Frank Beamer!)If yer scoring at home: Two teams are perfect 3-0 ATS vs. I-A competition to-date…BYU and SMU. One team is also “perfect” against the line…Michigan State at 0-3. In fact the Big Tent-Peg, though winning 9 of 12 non-conference games outright, went 2-9-1 spread-wise! By comparison, the Mountain Jest went winless in 10 non-conference games vs. I-A foes, but did manage 5-4-1 ATS.
Meanwhile…”Baby Got…MAC???!!!” Mid-American Conference teams played 8 FBS non-conference games, winning just 2, but losing the remaining 6 by a combined 22 points, while going 6-0-2 ATS, led by Northern Illinois who ended up just 7 points behind the #1 Buckeyes!Following its defeat by I-AA Furman on Saturday, Central Florida, which has hit the scoreboard for 14, 7 and 15 points respectively in the first three weeks (last in the FBS), offered a scholarship to 61-year-old mailman Doug Hughes from Florida Gulf Coast, who landed a gyrocopter on the Capitol lawn, well-after announcing plans to do it and getting past NORAD to make it happen! Hughes said he was considering the offer, but was waiting to hear from Minnesota, South Carolina and Utah State as well!
Equipment assistant John Jastremski and locker room attendant Jim McNally got the okie-doke last week from the NFL to return to their positions with the Patriots after originally bein’ benched for their roles in Deflategate. The ruling comes at a good time for the pair since their interim jobs as tire company tech and balloon-animal artist, respectively, weren’t quite workin’ out!In related news, Bill Belichick let cornerback Marcus Butler (yep, same guy that secured the pick vs. Russell Wilson, allowing New England to beat Seattle in the Super Bowl) ride the pine for tardiness to the Pats’ first summer practice because Butler’s flight was cancelled by Mother Nature. We’re wonderin’ if all woulda’ been forgotten had the CB told Coach he was actually late because he was lettin’ a little pressure outta’ da’ plane’s inflatable emergency-slide!
“Wish We Had It Back”: OKLAHOMA STATE -24 over Texas-San Antonio. We overlooked an improving Cowboys’ D.“Locked in a Box?”: We’re now 0-fer-3 (.000) after Oklahoma State dismantled UTSA, grabbing 7 turnovers along the way!
Black Shirt: This week’s highly-coveted ebony tee goes to Seminoles LB Terrance Smith for creating a fumble that was returned for touchdown, allowing FSU to cover vs. BC, starting Vindy on a nice forecast-dubya run!Shoppe Talk: The Sooners get a week-long pass, but the Tigers of Clemson blew it again (0-2, .000 season; 3-11 in last 14 appearances [.214])!
Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Navy -7 over UCONN, WESTERN KY -20 ½ over Miami-Ohio, WASHINGTON +4 over Cal, MINNESOTA-Ohio “under” 46 Last Week: 3-1 Season: 6-6 (.500)
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
FORECASTER OVERREACTS TO POLITICAL ARTICLE TITLELAS VEGAS, Nevada (CNN)…The Vegas Vindicator went into protective-mode after catching an Internet headline reading, “Trump Blasts Kelly”. Not an avid follower of politics, the prestigious prognosticator immediately contacted local police departments in Philadelphia, South Bend and New York City to check on the health and welfare of Eagles coach Chip Kelly, Fightin’ Irish coach Brian Kelly, and even Kelly Ripa of Kelly & Michael (Strahan of NY Giants fame). The well-meaning college football oracle was later stunned to know that the intended-target of the vitriol of “The Apprentice” star and brash financial mogul was actually FOX News host Megyn Kelly!
In light of Week Two’s 6-11-1 “performance” (15-20-1, .429 season), reminiscent of an early one in 2014 that led us to close-up shop and take the rest of that season off this time last year, perhaps one of the aforementioned celebrities will return the favor and alert an ATC Spotter (employed by the NFL to watch for signs of concussions and actually stop games to get a distressed player off the field) to keep an eye on Vindy in case he starts repeatedly-banging his head on the sportsbook counter and wanders to the wrong side of the blackjack table to deal pages from…THE WEBER KID’S 2015 WEEK 3 FORECAST
(Sponsored this week by AshleyMadison.Com)
THURS. SEPT. 17#11 Clemson (-5 ½) over LOUISVILLE: For having a depleted defense, Tigers have fared well to-date, yielding just 20 total points, including just 10 to Appalachian State team that averaged 36 ppg last season (though four Mountaineers turnovers and a dozen yellow hankies didn’t help the cause). Da’ Ville dropped a shootout to Houston as almost- two–TD chalk and is now one of two remaining candidates for the Game Four strategy from Marc Lawrence’s Playbook. Com that we mentioned in Week One. Redbirds have been horrible ATS at home the past two years…Tigers 29 Louisville 20
FRI. SEPT. 18#9 Florida State (-8 ½) over BOSTON COLLEGE: Tribe started slow but pounded the ball on the ground to whack USF by 20. BC lost this one 20-17 last year with just 9 returning starters, same as they have this time. State was, however, coming off a tight victory over Miami just ahead of that game vs. the Eagles. Vindy’s staffers are fitting Chief Osceola’s horse, Renegade, fer an honorary “black shirt” given that da’ Noles (1-1 ATS) are the only team remaining in the Top 25 this week to have gone 2-0 fer Vindy’s Picks thus far!...FSU 24 BC 14
Idaho State @ #BOISE STATE: No line.SAT. SEPT. 19
Northern Illinois (+34 ½) over #1 OHIO STATE: Up mid-4th Quarter by a mere 17-0 over da’ Bows and knowin’ your flustered forecaster had Hawaii +38, the Buckeyes reeled off three touchdowns in the final 9 minutes to push ????!!!! Are ya freakin’ kiddin’ us????!!!! OSU 42 Huskies 12#15 Mississippi (+7) over #2 ALABAMA: UPSET ALERT. Tide eventually blew out Wisconsin to start the year, but couldn’t cover the large spread vs. Middle Tennessee State. Coker managed the game okay, throwing for 214 with a TD-pass and a pick, but got help from his running backs, D and special teams. We’ll forgive ‘Bama fer maybe looking ahead last Saturday. Ole Miss accounted for Tide’s only regular-season defeat, winning 23-17 at home. Nick Saban’s crew has lost just once in past 22 home games. Rebels have racked up 149 points in first two matches of 2015…Tide 17 Ole Miss 16
#3 TCU (-38) over Southern Methodist: Ponies, who’ve hit the board for 21 and 31 points, respectively, to open the season after averaging just 11 ppg a year ago, are now 2-0 ATS after barely covering +36 ½ vs. Baylor then beating North Texas last week to equal their SU win total from last season. Horny Toads took this contest 56-zip in 2014, held Stephen F. Austin to a meaningless 4th Quarter score and will grab style-points in 2015 anywhere they can find ‘em…Frog Legs 54 SMU 13Air Force (+26 ½) over #4 MICHIGAN STATE: Spartans 29 Pilots 13
#5 Baylor: IDLE (next vs. Rice)Stanford (+10) over #6 USC: USC 21 Trees 14
South Carolina @ #7 GEORGIA (“Under 54”): Gamehens were fortunate to take advantage of interesting play-calls by the Tarheels to secure a late 17-13 victory in Week 1, but fell 26-22 at home to…Kentucky in Week 2. All three of our calls on the total rather than the spread last week went down in flames. Nonetheless, we’ll gingerly venture into that territory again (and unofficially, we’d consider takin’ the Poultry with da’ 17 points). Nick Chubb should get lots of touches and burn clock, while Carolina’s got little on the offensive side of da’ ball. Over the summer, Steve Spurrier fired back at media suggesting the demise of the team was because he was too old to coach. This choice has nothin’ to do with the Ol’ Ball Coach’s chronological-advancement, just about talent on the field and historical results… Joja’ 27 SC 14#14 Georgia Tech (-2) over #8 NOTRE DAME: This one got a look for “lock of da’ week”. Irish were fortunate to leave Charlottesville with the dubya after losing QB Zaire and allowing 400+ yards of offense to the Cavs. While Zaire’s stand-in did have a pair of scoring throws, ND will lean on RB C.J. Prosise early. The Bees absorbed 3 sacks in 10 passing attempts in rout of Tulane, but that’s standard operating procedure for the ‘Jackets. Tech covered all five non-ACC games last season, while three of Leprechauns’ five losses were by a combined 10 points…GT 34 Rudy 24
#19 Brigham Young (+17) over #10 UCLA: Should the visitors win this one on a third “Hail Mary”…in as many weeks…,we’ll give up drinkin’, gamblin’ and several other hedonistic-atheist ways and join da’ LDS! Stayin’ on hot Cougars! (Oh wait…let’s re-phrase)….goin’ with streaking Mormons….(hmmm…that didn’t work either)… .um… how ‘bout …UCLA 28 BYU 20Georgia State (+46) over #12 OREGON: Quack Attack 52 Joja’ State 17
#18 Auburn @ #13 LSU (under 49 ½): LSU 20 Auburn 17Tulsa (+31) over #16 OKLAHOMA: Sooners 34 Tulsa 17
Nevada-Reno (+34) over #17 TEXAS A&M: We leaned initially toward A&M given that the Aggies totaled 270 rushing yards vs. Ball State and Reno granted 301 to Arizona. But A&M, up 49-3 at the intermission vs. the Cardinals, let Ball State score 20 of the final 27 points after halftime. Wolfpack was competitive, down just 8, before AZ took control in the last two quarters. It’s a big number and TAMU might just concern itself more with SEC opener in Arlington, Texas next week vs. Arkansas, despite Toledo’s upset of the Hogs over the weekend…A&M 48 UNR 24Northern Arizona @ #20 ARIZONA: No line.
#21 Utah @ FRESNO STATE: OFF#22 MISSOURI (-21) over Connecticut: We knew UConn was in major rebuilding-mode and we blatantly-ignored that fact, taking da’ Huskies to cover 7 ½ vs. Army as a “best bet” in Week 2. Huskies 2-0 SU but have been dismal road dogs, even when not starting from scratch…Mizzou 34 UConn 10
#23 Northwestern (+3) over DUKE: Wildcats 24 Blue Devils 20#24 WISCONSIN (-35) over Troy: Wisky 44 Troy 3
Texas-San Antonio (+24) over #25 OKLAHOMA STATE: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. UTSA drew Arizona into a track-meet, but managed just a FG vs. D-minded K-State. Cowboys have been involved in a couple of low-scoring games to-date, but could be enticed to open it up a bit here. State has won the past two seasons by 21 in 2013 and 30 last year. A trip to Austin looms for …OKSU 31 Roadrunners 21BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindy also sent the authorities to check-in on artists and actors Clint Eastwood of Kelly’s Heroes, Kelly Clarkson, Kellie Pickler and Kelly Osbourne…just in case!Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! Three of the teams we were backin’ last week lost their startin’ quarterbacks (Utah, Notre Dame and UNLV), contributing to blown covers and three of our losses! (Thank you for listening. We now return you to our regularly-scheduled “hash”!)
Sam Boyd Stadium has undergone some cosmetic renovations to provide more of a “home-field” feeling for the Rebels, including diamond-shaped yard-markers and the trademark “Welcome to Vegas” sign in the end zones. Coach Tony Sanchez was mum on other features coming in the future, but prior to the start of the season, said, “We’ll be crankin’ da’ music…”. Hmmm…Vindy interpreted that to mean some Radioactive from Vegas-based Imagine Dragons…or Elvis…maybe even…Britney! We didn’t see da’ game, but based on the 37-3 loss to UCLA, it was apparently selections from…Celine Dion!!!!Vindy texted a pizza emoji to Domino’s. They delivered a losing two-team parlay-wager!
To add insult to injury, our Eagles -1 over ATLANTA bet, placed a few weeks before the season, also went down in flames! Hey, Chip! We hear Oregon calling!Speaking of losers, for those outside the region, da’ Mountain Jest played 10 non-conference games last weekend … and put all of ‘em in the “L” column!
Despite the untimely demise of Tom Brady’s cell-phone, officials at Northeast Bell report the pretty-boy Patriots QB was generally-aware of telephone-operator Gilda Radner making connections within a few-too-few ringy-dingies and is now under investigation by the FCC.Congrats to Boston’s David Ortiz fer swattin’ HR #500 on Saturday! BTW, if the Red Sox slugger meets a certain medicinal- substance from “Game of Thrones”, would it be called…“Milk of the Big Papi”???!!!
Early in the baseball season, Pete Rose became a pre-game guest studio analyst for FOX Sports Network. His tenure was cut short after he was seen bowlin’ over a FOX baseball broadcast-anchor in an effort to dislodge his microphone!“Wish We Had It Back”: Uh-huh. Pick one from last week….but we did peg our Idaho-plus–a- truckload over USC as our “best guess” for this category!
Locked in a Box?”: Irish lost their starting QB and almost lost outright to drop the lock record to 0-2 (.000).Black Shirt: Goes to Eastern Michigan coach Chris Creighton, who helped his club win its first FBS non-conference game since mid-2012 and brought home Vindy’s only correct “best bet” selection in Week 2!
Shoppe Talk: Sooners solidified their footing at the Shoppe (0-2 on the season [.000] and now 4-13 streak [.235]). And upon further review, Clemson was actually 3-9 headin’ into this year (not 2-6 as we noted originally) and now 0-1 on the season (.000), but also on 3-10 (.231) streak in the picks, joining OK on the walls of the Shoppe!Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets: Wake Forest-ARMY “under” 47 ½, Temple -10 ½ over UMASS, NAVY -3 ½ over East Carolina, Southern Miss +3 over TEXAS STATE Last Week: 1-3 Season: 3-5 (.400)