Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Between Da' Hashmarks Week 13-2014


DRONE DEFENSE PLAN GOES AWRY AT STADIUMS
FAYETTEVILLE, Arkansas (MSNBC)…As if going against the wind wasn’t difficult enough, football teams on offense now have other obstacles to consider. The NCAA apparently still needs to work a few procedural bugs out of its strategy to defend college sports venues against unwanted drone presence after issues arose during the Razorbacks 17-0 win over LSU on Saturday. Acting upon the Vegas Vindicator’s suggestion to house air defense artillery units inside the stadium, the implementation quickly took a wrong turn when an overzealous crew, fresh out of the Army’s ADA school at Ft. Sill, Oklahoma peppered a drone with rounds from a Humvee-mounted Vulcan, showering the stadium with gears, chopper-blades and other shards of metal, which spilled drinks, splattered nachos and sent players, coaches and spectators scurrying for cover during the 1st Quarter. Happy with the outcome and taking no chances, the young soldiers continued their efforts to impress, shooting-down several punts, field goal attempts, kickoffs and even a late Hail Mary pass. Similar incidents occurred during Hawaii’s 13-0 victory at San Jose State, which was also piloting the security project.

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
(Leading Dorothy and her companions down da’ yellow flag road!...”They’re off to see da’ Wizarrrrrrds…the Washington Wizards of Ozzzzzzzzz!” )

BTW, the errant live-fire displays left bewildered-officials at both locations wondering whether to call touchbacks, flag teams for unsportsmanlike conduct, issue bench-warnings to both sidelines or simply mark changes-of-possession at the point where kicks were disintegrated out-of-bounds! Meanwhile, terrified cheerleading squads discontinued pyramid routines and aerial stunts for fear of sending their companions too high into the air!
Kudos to da’ Virginia Tech Lil’ Smokies for pulling the upset over Duke. VT admittedly got some help from the zebras and the Blue Devils themselves, but also saw a handful of pretty nifty catches from its wide-receivers in key-situations.

No good betting week goes unpunished. We got a nice parlay win from Mizzou (+4 ½, winning outright over A&M) and UTEP -6 ½ over North Texas, but East Carolina (-2 ½) got whacked Thursday night at Cincinnati and Temple (+10 ½) held its own in Happy Valley for three quarters before losing by 17 to the Alma Mater, wasting a blowout win by Western Kentucky (-10) over Army. The other games we considered last week went a ho-hum 6-4. Pesos are already down on Texas- El Paso +9 ½ over RICE (Fri), Boston College +19 over FLORIDA STATE, Marshall -20 over UAB, Maryland +4 ½ over MEEESHIGAN and WYOMING +13 over Boise State. Still grabbing our attention… North Carolina +6 over DUKE (Thurs), Air Force +4 ½ over SAN DIEGO STATE (Fri), Air Force-SDSU “over” 50 ½, Mizzou +3 over TENNESSEE, Vanderbilt +30 over MISSISSIPPI STATE, Northwestern -3 over PURDUE, Oregon State +6 ½ over WASHINGTON and Cincinnati -10 over UCONN
Bizarre random thought…Star Wars meets the Washington NFL team’s QB…RG-3PO???!!!

NFL visiting teams’ medical personnel were interviewed by DEA agents this past weekend to gauge compliance after allegations by ex-players regarding mishandling of prescription drugs. Our first thought?...”Calling Dr. Fieldgooooooood”. And while we’re at it…somebody queue-up other Motley Crue hits Wild Sidelines, Kickoff My Heart and the immortal classic…Smokin’ in the Lockerroom!
Is it us or did anyone else out there watch the Eagles-Packers tilt and immediately flashback to “Rollerball” upon seeing Green Bay’s uniforms?!

Elsewhere…on da’ final frontier…NASA parked the Philae probe last week on a moving comet. In related news, Bears QB Jay Cutler actually hit a moving receiver with a pass for a touchdown! Cam Newton and Eli Manning are allegedly seeking advice from Mission Control!
In August, a White House official quoted Obama as saying, “If a jayvee team puts on Lakers uniforms, that doesn’t make them Kobe Bryant.”  Last week, the NBA baller-in-question set the record for missed FG-attempts, not connecting on 10 of 26 vs. the Grizzlies, bringing the career total to 13421!!! So, yes, Mr. President…if a jayvee team puts on Lakers unis, yes, it could indeed make them Kobe Bryant!

Next week…bubble-gum, headsets and Miss USA!

 

 

 

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Between Da' Hashmarks Week 12-2014


ILLICIT PICKS SPUR PRISON INVESTIGATION
NEW YORK (Reuters)The inmate, who spoke to media on conditions of anonymity for obvious reasons, finally blew the whistle on various personnel at Ryker’s Island. The unnamed snitch said, ”Booze…drugs….sharp instruments?…Okay.  Vindy’s Picks?! Hey, Man…I may be a jailbird, but I have standards.” The subsequent investigation revealed a system-wide epidemic of misconduct. The resulting inquiry led to revelation of massive corruption and correctional officers on the take, smuggling in contraband in exchange for major “bank”. The infamous forecaster’s prognostications were not banned entirely, but were allowed solely post-Saturday for entertainment-purposes only!

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(More distracting than Katarina Sreckovic!)

On the heels of Veterans Day, saluting our servicemen and servicewomen around the world again, we propose “Stripes” meets football as we hear Bill Murray’s character,  graduating Basic Training, say...”Back-to-back sacks!”
We downloaded the Domino’s Pizza app to our smart-phone…Wasn’t long before the conversation went like this…”What’s the spread on ‘BAMA-Mississippi State, Dom?” “How ‘bout I spread some tomato sauce on your pizza, Vin?” “Dom, what do you think of Vindy’s Picks? We don’t put pickles on…pizza. “How do I beat da’ bookies, Dom?”. “Why don’t you boogie on down to Domino’s for some pizza?!”

We remember why we threw in the towel pickin’ Top 25 games this season, going just 1-4 in the tilts we analyzed and forecast. In happier news, our 8 other predictions went a nice 7-1, with only Joja’ Southern -11 over TEXAS STATE failing to cash, and allowing us to win a pair of 2-teams parlays. Why in the world we tried a three-teamer featuring Iowa State -3 ½ (lost by 20???!!!) at KANSAS, Utep +7 ½ (lost by 8) at WESTERN KENTUCKY and DA’ IGGLES -6 (won by 24) vs. Carolina, none of which wee among those eight selections, is still beyond us! Rubles already down this week on…East Carolina -2 ½ over CINCINNATI (Thurs), Temple +10 ½ over da’ NIFTY LIONS, WESTERN KY -10 over Army, Missouri +4 ½ over TEXAS A&M and UTEP -6 ½ over North Texas. Still getting’ a good, hard look… Cal +14 over USC (Fri), NC STATE -14 ½ over Wake Forest, ILLINOIS +5 ½ over Iowa, , RUTGERS -7 ½ over Indiana, UTAH STATE -17 over New Mexico, MIAMI +1 ½ over Florida State, CENTRAL MICHIGAN -15 over Miami-Ohio, Memphis -11 over TULANE, Mississippi State +7 ½ over ALABAMA, Texas -2 ½ over OKLAHOMA STATE,
Anybody else out there notice two major sport teams from Philly both played the Panthers last week?! The Flyers played the Florida Panthers (winning 4-1) Thursday night on the ice, while Da’ Iggles blasted Carolina 45-21 (as noted above)  in a Monday Night Football home-game that wasn’t even that close!

Speaking of the Panthers-EAGLES contest, we heard Jon Gruden reference “Escape from L.A.” protagonist Snake Plissken. Said hero also saved the mayor of New York in the original flick of the series “Escape From New York”. During that movie (set in1997), the mayor’s character was forced to say…”*Duke*…Aaaa-Number One!” Not even close at the time, but the Blue Devils have gotten competitive since then!
With college hoops underway this week, we note Dickie V gushed on Twitter about his fandom of Lionel Richie and the Commodores. Just wonderin’ if any of Vitale’s pre-game/halftime speeches he gave included, “Nobody comes into our BrickHouse…and pushes us around!” On a related thought, after a string of sports-betting ties, does a sportsbook manager gather his folks and tell ‘em, “Nobody comes into our house and ‘pushes’ us around!”???!!!

On the small screen….a TLC reality show about bridal apparel meets Joja’ Tech’s college hoops squad in…”Say ‘Yes’ to Da’ Press: Atlanta!” Until next week…happy pickin’, Sportsfans!

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Between Da' Hashmarks Week 11-2014


GROWN-UPS GET THEMED NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM
NEW YORK, New York (AP)…Museums are wooing new patrons with adult sleepovers. The American Museum of Natural History provides champagne, dinner and live jazz. Adult visitors can snooze in sleeping bags beneath the famous 94-ft-long blue whale hanging from the ceiling of the spacious Milstein Hall of Oceanic Life. Also, the Big Apple’s Rubin Museum of Art allows sleeping under works of art and having their dreams interpreted when they awake. Meanwhile, bettors can get some shut-eye under the world’s largest parlay card while having nightmares about…

THE WEBER KID’S WEEK 11 FORECAST
(Legally wearing equestrian nasal strips)
Virginia (+18) over #2 FLORIDA STATE: Given the weekly necessity to rally for the victory, we’re not sure any contest on the schedule qualifies as a “trap game” for the ‘Noles, but if there is one, this is it. Off the huge comeback at Louisville and a road-trip to vastly-improved rival Miami up next, State might very well look past a decent Cavaliers squad that beat the aforementioned Cardinals in September. Minus last year’s National Title run, FSU finds a way to fall in a game it shouldn’t. This could be it…though we think Boston College is a better candidate for that role, should the Tribe get past Miami. Neither side’s terribly-attractive ATS. Wahoos on 0-3 SU/0-4 ATS dive while State notched just its second spread-win in seven tries this year (including one home fave cover in three attempts). It’s Homecoming in Tallahassee and Jimbo Fisher is pooh-poohing worries over Winston’s bad wheel. Virginia won 4 of its first 6 games (doubling the outright win total from 2013) and needs two more in final three to be bowl-eligible…FSU 27 Virginia 13

#14 LSU (+6) over #4 Alabama: Tide, though generally a coin-toss ATS overall and in the SEC, has traditionally been betting-gold at Death Valley. Nonetheless, Bengals have taken the money in 3 of last 4, home or away, facing Alabama. Elephants won 21-17 here in 2012 and beat the Tigers by three touchdowns last season. ‘Bama has lost exactly one conference game in each of the previous three years. Ole Miss is already an SEC game in the “L” column. State has a slight advantage passing, but also gives up 4.5 yards per carry on the ground. Tide averages 5.1 yards a tote. Last 3 contests here in this series have been decided by 6 or less. Crimson Trype responded, finally, after loss to the Rebels and near-miss at Arkansas by smoking A&M and besting the Vols by 14. The real question here is… in which quarter will Les Miles bust out da’ trickeration and will the play go for a first-down or maybe even a touchdown???!!! LSU meets an Olivia Newton-John Grease tune meets Weird Al Yankovic…”Hopelessly Revolted Bayou”?!...Tide 17 Tigers 16
#8 Notre Dame (+2) over #11 ARIZONA STATE: Pitchforks won a tight defensive battle in extras against Utah, while Irish survived Navy after looking like they were gonna’ blow the Middies out early. Only second true road game of the season for the Leprechauns, who probably should’ve beaten Florida State in the first one. Haveta’ figure both sides will be happy to see opponents that throw the ball this week after ND weathered 60 triple-option carries by Navy and State saw Utah basically abandon the passing game despite a close contest throughout the tilt. Despite returning just two starters on D and a paltry number of lettermen back, Todd Graham has ASU competing for a conference championship. The Beelzebubs have yielded just 36 total points over the last 3 games, but State shows a19-5 pass TD-to-INT ratio and Irish show 22-7, leading us to believe this one goes “over” the total. The difference might be Irish pass D, which has given up 11 aerial touchdowns and snagged 12 picks. Devils D has permitted 10 passing scores with just 4 interceptions…Rudy 38 ASU 31

#7 MICHIGAN STATE (-3) over #13 Ohio State: Rematch of 2013 Big Tentacle Conference Championship, won 34-24 by Sparty. Buckeyes bombed turnover-prone Illini while MSU was on a bye. OSU has posted seven straight games “over” the total, hitting the board for 50 or more in 5 of last 6. Spartans defense is holding up nicely (only 3 opponents have scored more than 17 points) despite losing six starters from last year’s squad. Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com shows Buckeyes covering 13 of last 13 with revenge against a better-than-.500 foe. Gotta’ think Spartans loss to CFB #4 Oregon appears more attractive than OSU’s early defeat by fading VirginiaTech. One thing’s for certain…there won’t be any stake-planting Buckeyes (now 20-1 SU in conference play the past 2+ seasons) to antagonize Michigan State, who has dropped just five games in November under now-7th-year coach Dantonio …MSU 31 OSU 27
#9 Kansas State (+6) over #6 TCU: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Purple Persians have quietly moved into the AP Top Ten (#7 in the Selection Committee poll) and should they win out, they would have an argument to make the Fab Four, with their only defeat coming by 6 points to Auburn, should it win out or lose a nail-biter vs. ‘Bama). Maybe the Universe evened the score for the Froggies, who got a last second FG in Morgantown (and five West Virginia turnovers) last week to edge the determined Mountaineers 31-30, for the earlier 61-58 loss at Baylor. The Tadpoles might want some payback for last year’s 33-31 loss (though revenge doesn’t really apply to a team that got just four victories all season). ‘Cats have covered 9 of last 11 vs. ranked opponents and have a bye week next. Frogs saw their scoring production fall steadily from 2010’s 41 ppg to 2013’s 25 ppg, but are currently a bridesmaid to only Baylor, at 48 ppg. The scoring defenses are comparable on both sidelines and KSU held Auburn to 20 points (Tigers currently averaging almost 39 ppg).. Do TCU players while warming-up/stretching before each practice or actual game sing…”Heaaaaad, shoulders… knees and toads, knees and toads!”???!!! Or maybe it’s really… “Heaaaaaaad coaches, knees and toads, knees and toads!”…Wildcats 24 TCU 20

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Meanwhile, CFB Selection Committee #1 Mississippi State and #11 Ole Miss host I-AA middle-of-the-packers UT-Martin and Presbyterian, respectively. In early November???!!! We know football schedules are set at least a few years in advance….but who puts an FCS squad on the slate in November???!!! We’d lump ‘Bama in  here as well, but we’ll give a little slack (emphasis on little) for hosting I-AA Western Carolina the week before the Iron Bowl vs. Auburn because the Catamounts are 6-3 overall, 4-1 in conference and challenging for the SoCon title. Though upon further review, WCU, while losing its opener respectably by 5 at South Florida, lost last week 51-0 to conference front-runners UT-Chattanooga (Mocs are currently #11 in the FCS Poll and opened the year with a 4-point defeat at Central Michgan)! We withdraw our “slack”!

If yer a fan of both college and pro football, yer in Heaven right now, in da’ midst of 27 straight days featuring at least one NCAA or NFL contest, starting last Thursday (10/30) and running thru 11/25 (da’ Tuesday before Thanksgiving)!
QB Jameis Winston was accused of shoplifting crab-legs and crawfish from a grocery store, leading to suspension from FSU’s baseball team. Eye-witness accounts  noted  Winston “appeared to pause to avoid walking in front of a deputy before leaving a Tallahassee supermarket without paying…”. Yep, he made a “defender” miss in the open check-out line!

Shortly after the New Year, Bobby Petrino was signed to his second shot at the helm of the Louisville Cardinals, but following his Arkansas snafu, his contract includes prohibitions vs. riding a motorcycle or even viewing Easy Rider, Sons of Anarchy, any of the Mad Max/Road-Warrior flicks, Magnum Force or…Wild Hogs!
Daylight Savings Time occurred in the wee hour of Sunday mornin’. We’re wonderin’ how many NCAA football teams would like to turn back da’ clock 60 minutes (or less) following Saturday’s results!

This week’s AP rankings had FCS club North Dakota State with 4 votes…tying Stanford and 3 more than SEC squads Florida (1) and Texas A&M (1).
Over the summer, Ron Artest…AKA Mensa Worm Priest…er…um…Metta World Peace…changed his name again…to The Pandas Friend…after getting’ a gig with a Chinese Basketball Association squad! Can some other sappy moniker swap such as UNICEF Care Bear be far down the pike???!!!

At the sportsbook counter…Arizona (+6 ½) lost by 10 to UCLA, costing us a three-team parlay that featured covers by Utah (+5 ½, losing by 3 in OT at ASU as noted above) and the Philly Beagles (-2 ½) over HOUSTON (Texans lost by 10). We were smart enough to park North Carolina +17 (lost by 20) at MIAMI and Illinois +28 ½ (lost by 41) at OHIO STATE on the same ticket, but Utah State -3 won by three touchdowns at HAWAII to cash the straight bet and Colorado State -7 (-6 ½ at time of last week’s blog) pushed at SAN JOSE STATE to turn UTEP -6 ½ (won by 21 over Southern Mist) into a straight bet. The remaining selections we looked last week at but didn’t play went 2-2. Money down this week on Weeziana Tech -3 ½ over UAB, Duke -3 over SYRACUSE, Air Force -6 over UNLV and  FRESNO STATE -2 ½ over San Jose State. Still catchin’ our eye…Utah State -7 over WYOMING (we ain’t buyin’ the blow-out upset of Fresno State), Wisconsin -16 ½ over PURDUE, Joja’ Sudden -11 over TEXAS STATE and Weeziana-Lafayette -15 over NEW MEXICO STATE.
Rocky Horror Picture Show meets the SF Giants World Series MVP…”Say!…any of you guys know how to… Madison Bumgarner?!”

Next week…a few thoughts on college hoops!

 

 

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Between the Hashmarks Week 10-2014


POLITICAL PLOY BOLSTERS COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAM
PISCATAWAY, New Jersey (UPI)…Last January, Garden State governor Chris Christie canned Deputy Chief of Staff Bridget Anne Kelly for her role in the deliberate, politically-motivated closing of traffic lanes into the George Washington Bridge. Kelly was immediately picked up by the Scarlet Knights, who were 8th in the conference in scoring defense and 4th- worst nationally in passing defense last season, as defensive coordinator. Said one of Rutgers’ staffers, “Anybody that can create that kinda’ stoppage at-will like that (four straight days) can certainly improve our D!”

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, there’s no truth to the rumor that Christie had anything to do with the delayed-drafting of a certain former Cardinal QB…an incident the media dubbed “Teddy Bridgewater-Gate”

Highlander meets the LA KISS Arena Football League reality show in…”4th and Connor McLeod”!
Following last Thursday’s loss by the San Diego Chargers to the Denver Broncos, Hannibal Lecter was quoted as saying, “I ate Philip Rivers with some fava beans and a fine Chianti!”

Rocky Horror Picture Show meets da’ Cleveland Browns/Texas A&M Aggies…“In just…seven….days, I can…make you…a Manziel!” and “It’s just a jump off-side to the left…and a step to da’ riiiiiii-iiiight…Put yer handoffs on yer hips…now, yer doin’ it riii-iiight….”
In related news, the starting A&M quarterback meets Bride of Chucky…”Kenny Jennifer Tilly”?!

We implore the NCAA or the Big Tent-Peg Conference to provide some answers regarding the crews “officiating” the Lions previous two games. State was incorrectly ruled “offside” after recovering an onside kick that would’ve provided at least an opportunity to go for a potential winning score on their final drive in the loss at Michigan, meanwhile the idiots in stripes granted the Buckeyes an interception on PSU’s first drive, on a ball that upon review clearly hit the ground, which led to an OSU touchdown, and later let the Buckeyes get away with a FG that was kicked after the play-clock expired, putting the visitors up 10-0 early.  We tuned away from that game when OSU went up 17-0 before the half and the Lions’ offense looking like D-O…D-O (thus missing the Lions attempted comeback that fell short in double-OT!). After the Ohio State debauchery, pictures showed up on Facebook, and probably the rest of the ‘Net, featuring referees being led around by seeing-eye dogs. We think the service-animals coulda’ called a better game!
Elsewhere, the hometown Rebels finally lost a fumble, the last team in Division I-A this year to do so, in a covering loss at Utah State.

At the betting counter, our straight wagers on Maryland +11 over WISCONSIN and South Florida +10 over CINCINNATI failed to materialize. We did however cash a parlay featuring Weeziana Tech -10 over SOUTHERN MISS and Reno -3 over HAWAII (hats off to Da’ Pack for the rally and cover!). BTW, we’re takin’ a page from the Michigan playbook vs. the Spartans and plantin’ a pre-bet wooden stake in da’ sportsbook! If it blows up in our face, we’ll simply claim we saw a vampire! Money down already on Colorado State -7 over SAN JOSE STATE, UTEP -6 ½ over Southern Miss, Illinois +28 ½ over OHIO STATE, North Carolina +17 over MIAMI and Utah State -3 over HAWAII. Also getting a look...Navy +14 over Notre Dame (@ Baltimore, MD), Air Force -3 ½ over ARMY, South Alabama +6  over UL-LAFAYETTE and Arizona +6 ½ over UCLA.
Recent incidents at soccer venues in Europe have brought to light the potential dangers of having drones in sports stadiums. Our solution? Station air-defense artillery units in the end zones or other strategic positions! Oregon fans may however take offense to nickname of the Army branch-in-question…”Duck Hunters”. Might give second-thoughts to Green Bay Packers players contemplating that whole “Lambeau Leap” thing! BTW, fer the drone- operators out there, if “Weapons Free” flashes across the Jumbo-Tron, it means…”If it flies, it dies!”

Fightin’ Irish true-frosh wide-out Justin Brent is apparently involved with 40-sumthin’-yer-old Lisa Ann, who has been in many an adult- film (…or so we’ve heard!). Is he gonna’ “Win one fer da’ stripper?!”. Are Irish thighs  smilin’?! How often do ya see a Leprechaun with a Cougar?! Is she helping him learn the triple-X’s and O’s?! Is he memorizin’ the foreplay-book?!
Lane Kiffin’s mommie expressed concern for her son’s well-being as he returned to Knoxville this past weekend.  Kiffin led Tennessee to an 8-4 SU record (5-3 SEC) in his lone 2009 stint, which saw significant victories over only Joja’ and South Carolina (who went 7-6, losing by 13 in the post-season to UConn) just to lose the bowl game that year by 23 to VirginiaTech. But Kiffin’s successors suffered three straight 5-win campaigns after his departure. Guess that explains why the Tide OC was wearin’ an old-school hockey mask and clutchin’ a machete on the sidelines during ‘Bama’s win over the Vols on Saturday!

Earlier this month, Pittsburgh coach Mike Tomlin prohibited his players from exchanging unis with members of other teams. We’d ask Mike to make an exception this week after seeing the Steelers in those goofy black-and-tan (?) striped outfits, which always makes us immediately think of an old SNL skit featuring the cast sitting around in bee-like costumes (complete with antennae) and talking about “buzzing off”!
NBA regular season competition is now underway and reminds us that in March, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un mandated every man in the country to get the same haircut as their supreme leader…a change from the previous ten options. An anonymous official however said the Dennis Rodman turtle-shell ‘do was under consideration as an acceptable alternative!

Nobody touches Vindy’s Dodge Dart…nor his Dart Vader costume!
And finally this week…we’ll never purchase anything from eBay ever again. Instead of getting an eerie game-device that would reportedly put us in ”contact” with the “spirit-world” so we could get a little sports-betting guidance, we ended up having our Underoos forcibly-yanked up the crack of our butt and over our ears! Seems the seller-in-question sent us a… “wedgie”-board!

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Between Da' Hashmarks Week 9-2014


INTENTIONAL-FAIL CAMPAIGN SPURS OFFSHOOTS
NASHVILLE, Tennessee (MSNBC)…Even before the Titans’ latest loss, a last-second road-defeat on Sunday to a Washington squad that had put just one of its previous six games in the win-column, Tennessee fans ripped a page from the “Suck for (Andrew) Luck” ploy by the 2011 Miami Dolphins, encouraging the local pro football franchise to lose on-purpose to acquire the 2015 NFL Draft’s initial selection and grab Oregon’s Marcus Mariota with the first pick…implementing a call to ”Suck for the Duck”, with vendors already hawking Tennessee apparel  bearing the last name. However, others believe there are additional options and have proposed “Take a Sack for Dak (Prescott)” to get Mississippi State’s star QB, and for those wanting Texas Christian’s man-under-center, Trevone Boykin, …”Implode for Da’ Toad”!

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, no truth to the rumor that winless Oakland and one-win teams Tampa, New York and Jacksonville are planning to “Play Squirrely Fer (Joja’ RB Todd) Gurley”!

Speakin’ of a certain woodland creature, over the summer, USA Today revealed Jameis Winston stared down the business-end of a campus cop’s weapon in the wake of usin’ a pellet-gun to take pot-shots at squirrels with a  teammate on da’ school grounds back in 2012. Great…squirrels, seafood….is the FSU wunderkind buckin’ for a gig on some Animal Planet show when his NFL career tanks or what???!!!
The Kansas Jay-Walks finally lost a fumble this weekend, leaving only UNLV (??!!!) as the only team to not do so thus far. The Rebels were, however, idle Saturday. No word as to whether or not the practice squad managed to recover one vs. the starting O!

Our primary wagers went 3-1, with Rutgers (+19) getting’ blasted by Ohio State and squandering an 8-point win by South Florida (-1 ½ over TULSA). We cashed on Iowa State (+12 ½) over TEXAS, but weren’t smart enough to lay 4 ½ with MARYLAND over Iowa, instead losing on an impulsive Friday-night wager of Temple +8 ½ at HOUSTON. This week, we’re considering South Florida +11 over CINCINNATI, Maryland +11 over WISCONSIN, UMass +16 over TOLEDO, Weezianna Tech -10 over SOUTHERN MISSED and Nevada-Reno -3 over HAWAII. Also on da’ radar…Texas-El Paso +10 over TEXAS-SAN ANTONIO, Texas +9 ½ over KANSAS STATE and West Virginia-OKLAHOMA STATE “over” 63.
Regarding West Virginia’s upset of Baylor last weekend, we do our best Bogie impersonation and say… “’Eers lookin’ at you, Kid.”

Thru Week 9, the Philadelphia Iggles haven’t donned green jerseys because during the offseason, the team decided to take it up…if we can quote Emeril Lagasse… “another notch”… to Nike’s Elite 51 jerseys and “midnight green” is apparently a specialized color that takes extra time to produce. Philly won’t play at the Da’ Linc again until November 10. Maybe Chris Rock can reprise his role as “Caretaker” in The Longest Yard remake and provide some Mean Machine duds until Nike comes through!
Next week…Garden State politics, drones and we welcome…the NBA!

 

 

 

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Between the Hashmarks Week 8-2014


COMMUNIST LEADER SIGHTING GOOD NEWS FOR NCAA TEAM?
DALLAS, Texas (AP)…Until Tuesday, when he was spotted with a walking stick, Kim Jong Un had not been seen in public since September 3rd. Similarly AWOL have been the offenses of UConn, South Florida, Kent State and…SMU, which is at the bottom of Division I-A in points-scored, totaling 36 in five games. Putting that in perspective, the next lowest totals belong to I-AA Cornell (39 points, 0-4 in the Ivy League) and Austin Peay (40, 0-6, in the Ohio Valley Conference cellar). In addition, the whereabouts of the Mustangs’ D is still unknown, MIA since the 2013 regular-season finale (a 17-13 loss to Central Florida). Local fans believe the positive reemergence of the North Korean leader could likewise portend good fortune for SMU’s offense, as the Pony Express and teammates this week host Cincinnati, which has yielded an average of 41 points-per-game thus far and almost 49 per game over its last three tilts. No truth the rumor that Jong Un was overheard doing his best Gandalf-at-the-steps-of-Edoras impersonation from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, quipping, “Oh…you wouldn’t part an old man from his walking-stick, would you?”

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
The Northwestern Wildcats will be sportin’ their new “Gothic” unis vs. Nebraska this week. In related news, the Philadelphia Iggles donned all-black duds to host the G-Men and pitched a 23-0 shutout. On that note, we fully concur with N-Dub’s fashion-choice (and recommend a certain well-known AC/DC tune be blasted over the PA system at Ryan Field!). BTW, after dropping a tough game to Minnesota (see our betting results below), ‘Cats coach Pat Fitzgerald said da’ Gophers’ offense “takes half the game away standing in the huddle and talking about what they’re ordering for dinner.”. Interesting comment, considering NW had nearly three more minutes in time-of-possession and won most of the statistical categories. Apparently, the Gilded Gerbils, instead of hashin’ out a nine-course meal,  musta’ simply decided early on DiGiorno pizza!

For all their woes, the hometown-hero Rebels of UNLV had not coughed-up a fumble (nor had Boston College, Mizzou or [GASP!] Kansas) entering last Friday’s game vs. Fresno State.  Still none for UNLV. Mizzou gave up one in the blow-out loss to Joja’! BC also lost one while the Jayhawks put it on the ground three times, but recovered all of ‘em, leaving UNLV and Kansas as the only two teams sans a lost-fumble???!!!
We sent up a signal-flare ahead of Tennessee’s tilt vs. FCS Chattanooga and Vanderbilt’s contest against FCS Charleston Southern. The Vols wasted little time putting away their opponent, but the CSU Buccaneers pulled within a point of the Commodores early in the 4th Quarter and Vandy held on over the final 10 minutes to escape with the 21-20 win.

If ya didn’t watch Auburn’s demise at Mississippi State, War Beagle shot itself in the paw early-and-often with penalties in its 35-23 loss. And other mistakes like a missed 27-yard FG attempt didn’t help. But frankly, the Bulldogs didn’t look all that stellar either, but made Auburn pay for mistakes. Speaking of errors, UNLV coach Bobby Hauck got called out for attempting a fake punt from his own side of the field while leading Fresno 17-0 early. MSU tried that too, up 21-0 on Auburn. Ultimately, both teams won their games, but…Yikes! What were they thinking!
One of the CBS commentators noted the broadcast crew had no rosters showing anyone for Auburn associated with uniform #91following an ineligible-substitution flag thrown on a player sporting said-digits! Vindy spies say the offending player was actually an MSU fan who found an unguarded uniform, infiltrated the Tigers’ sidelines and waited for an opportune time to run onto the field and draw the flag! Or maybe it was Jean-Claude Damme, who once, while portraying a fire-marshal trying to save spectators and players at a hockey arena from terrorists, slipped onto the ice dressed as a goalie and stopped a shot during an NHL playoff game in “Sudden Death”!

Many of the home-fans at Davis Wade Stadium were clad in “Stark Vegas” shirts. Doing some research, we discovered it’s apparently not unusual for cities with names ending “ville” to swap that suffix for “Vegas”, which reportedly makes it sound like the berg has more pizazz. Obvious examples then would be KnoxVegas, LouisVegas and GainesVegas, but we’re awaiting release of The AmityVegas Horror!
Congrats to Eastern Michigan for upsetting Buffalo as a two-touchdown underdog and equaling its number of SU wins in each of the past two seasons. EMU has bested Western Michigan three straight years and the Broncos show up later on the schedule. The Eagles went 2-9 ATS (vs. Division I-A teams) in 2013. By our numbers, the Y-Town Birds are currently 2-2-1 against the line.

Our betting efforts were fruitless last week after Northwestern (+4) yielded a 100-yard kickoff return for TD immediately after tying Minnesota at 17-17 mid-4th Quarter, losing by 7 and wasting a nice cover by Louisville (+9 ½) at Clemson later that day. Likewise, Air Force (+7) lost by 18 at Utah State to render an outright win by Boston College (+4) at NC State meaningless. That what Vindy gets for letting Super-Creepy Rob Lowe decide his wagers! (BTW, our cable was out, so we spent Saturday down at the playground watchin’ Pop Warner games!).
No money down yet, but here’s a few selections we’re considering taking to da’ sportsbook counter…MARYLAND -4 ½ over Iowa, South Florida -1 ½ over TULSA, Rutgers +19 over OHIO STATE and Iowa State +12 ½ over TEXAS. Also on the radar…Washington +20 ½ over OREGON.

If yer scorin’ at home, the underdogs went 12-2-1 ATS (including four outright victories) in the 15 games involving at least one ranked team last week (depending upon where ya had Stanford. We had the Cardinal at -17, pushing the 34-17 victory vs. Wazzou)!
In a follow-up to last week’s “lead story” about the Vegas Hempfest, we note that last May, the NFL contemplated a threshold for positive marijuana drug tests. Sounds like Pro Bowlers might eventually be able to enjoy a little Maui Wowie and the Cleveland Browns could grow some Toledo Window Box! (Raise yer hand if ya know the Toledo Window Box reference!)

BTW, did anybody else out there realize Super Bowl 48 featured teams from states that legalized recreational marijuana-use. We were waitin’ to see which side would get whistled first for an illegal helmet-to-helmet bong-hit! Gave a whole new meanin’ to “shotgun” formation!
On the ice…NHL meets Chemistry…“A beta-blocker save and a beauty!”

And finally…Cowboys RB Joseph Randle got popped for an attempted five-finger discount of a tester-bottle of cologne and a two-pack of undies from Dillard’s. Assuming the store recovered the nearly-stolen items, we have to wonder if Randle will go be forced to go “commando” vs. the Giants on Sunday. And if so, will he approach Dallas owner Jones and rattle off a Kramer quote from Seinfeld about boxers vs. jockeys…”I’m out there, Jerry and I’m luvvvin’ every minute of it!”?

 

 

 

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

Between the Hashmarks Week 7-2014


SIN CITY EVENT IMPACTS AIRLINES
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (TMZ)…Last Saturday witnessed the premiere of Las Vegas Hempfest. Ahead of the event, travel agencies in Washington and Colorado tallied a record-number of tickets purchased by athletes, talent scouts and college recruiters for flights to the world’s gambling mecca. But less than 24-hours later, following the announcement that while information and paraphernalia would be available, no actual marijuana would be on sale, SEA-TAC International and Denver International Airports immediately saw unprecedented cancellations of previously-booked flights. Ironically, all the passengers-in-question reported suddenly remembering they “had prior engagements already scheduled” or were en route to grocery stores to “replenish emergency nuclear fallout-shelter supplies of Twinkies and potato-chips!!”

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
“I’m so excited…I’m gonna’ get creamed!”…Within a seven-day timeframe this summer, South Carolina and Oregon fessed-up on their own to violations involving impermissible iced-decorations on cookies and provision of a razor and shaving cream to recruits, respectively???!!! We hope at least the would-be Duck got to shoot a Noxema commercial with a Farrah-Fawcett look-a-like, a la Joe Namath back in the 70’s! Maybe the Mallards (should they still make the Final Four after losing Thursday nite to AZ), will have to grow playoff beards until ousted from the post-season, a la the NHL!

Fer the second straight week, we pushed after bettin’ Iowa State plus da’ points! A shout-out to da’ Minutia-men of UMass, who did right by us not once, but twice…losing by 1 at +4 and posting major pointage with Miami-Ohio to send the total waaaaaaay over 57 ½! North Texas and Indiana also lit up the scoreboard to cash the “over” parlay. Elsewhere, Nevada-Reno cost us a nice three-team money-line parlay, wasting a good win by Virginia Tech and a crazy 60-59 victory by Cal! We already have $ down on Boston College +4 over NC STATE and Air Force +7 over UTAH STATE. A couple other tilts we’re eye-ballin’ for possible wager…Northwestern +3 over MINNESOTA, Ole Miss +3 over TEXAS A&M and yep, those Nifty Lions +1 ½ over MEEESHIGAN.
We watched the ‘Bama-Ole Miss game on Saturday…and by-and-large, special teams for each side…were not! The field goal kickers collectively went 1-fer-3 in the 1st Quarter and ‘Bama’s kicker also missed a fitty-one yarder in the 3rd Quarter (not a gimme by any stretch, but Tide’s special units traditionally rise to the occasion).  Kick-coverage improved slightly by the intermission, but was mostly dismal on both sides. While we’re on the topic, we note there’s been some discussion about “Good Bo, Bad Bo” in reference to QB Bo Wallace’s extremes. Makes us ponder “Army of Darkness” meets the Ole Miss QB in a classic scene from the movie…”Good Bo…Bad Bo….I’m the guy takin’ snaps from the shotgun!” One more thought fer Texas A&M, who hosts Mississippi on Saturday and is (we think incorrectly) favored by 3, the Rebels’ perimeter D was a mess against ‘Bama and we’d recommend trying the edges early-and-often if its gonna’ win. Elsewhere in the stadium, Katy Perry was in attendance at said-contest, makin’ a cameo on ESPN’s “College Game Day” and went all-Carly Rae Jepsen in an effort to lure the affections a certain Oklahoma quarterback…crooning, “I haven’t met you…and I might never. But here’s my number..,so call me, Trevor!”

“Danger, danger, Will  Robinson!”: Tennessee hosts FCS #12 Chatternuuga (3-2 with losses by 4 @ Central Michigan and a 23-20 OT defeat at home to Jaxsonville State) and Vandy welcomes FCS #23 Charleston Southern (5-0 and off a bye) this weekend!
Notable trends thru Week 6: Colorado 4-0 ATS run; UConn, Illinois, UL-Lafayette, Ohio U. & Tulane   0-4 ATS skid, Joja’ and UMass 5-0 “over”; Iowa, Kansas, Northwestern, Notre Dame, San Diego State, VirginiaTech & Washington 4-0 “under”, Tennessee and Texas 4-1 “under”; Weeziana Tech, Ole Miss and Nebraska 5-0 ATS, Louisville 5-0 “under”, Navy 5-1 “under”, Ohio State 4-0 “over”, South Carolina 1-5 ATS, Toledo 0-5 ATS, Toledo 4-0 “over”, Western Michigan 4-0 ATS, Joja’ Southern 4-1 ATS

Michigan fans will be armed with pepper-spray entering the stadium on Saturday vs. Vindy’s alma mater. (Oh wait…the directive was fer a “maize-out”!). Upon further review, maybe it was for a “maids-out” to clean up the mess following the game!
Omar Gonzalez, who jumped a fence and eluded Secret Service pursuit deep into da’ White House,  has been offered an NFL contract by the Washington pro football franchise as a kick-returner on special-teams …following his release from the local pokey, of course! BTW, unnamed NSA agents already drafted this guy as part of their fantasy teams!

Vindy’s Picks welcomes today’s start of the 2014 NHL regular season (under a full lunar eclipse, no less!) by noting protesters were permitted to do their thing at the 2014 Sochi Games in February as long as they stayed within designated areas. Unfortunately, many elected to demonstrate outside the trapezoid behind the Russian goalie, drawing multiple penalties for “too many protesters on the ice” and hampering the host-country’s efforts to bring home the gold in hockey!

And finallyBEWARE TONITE’S FULL MOON AND THE ACCOMPANYING LUNAR ECLIPSE!!!! Run awaaaaaaay! Run awaaaaaaaaaaaaay!