OVERSIZED MASCOT TO REJOIN TEAM FOR CFP SEMI-FINAL
ARLINGTON, Texas (REUTERS)...After being banned from the festivities at the Peach Bowl last week due to space limitations causing safety worries, Texas mascot Bevo was given the green light to roam the Longhorns’ sideline at the Cotton Bowl. In fact, head coach Steve Sarkisian and offensive coordinator Kyle Field are rumored to have drawn-up plays to get the steer on the gridiron as a tackle-eligible or at least as extra “beef” on the O-Line, necessitating a double-team. Given that knowledge, the Buckeyes will counter with defenders wielding cattle-prods and branding-irons within five yards of the line-of-scrimmage to reduce Bevo’s ability to run “up-and-Outback" routes.
We’re movin' da’ minute-hand of the Atomic Clock closer to midnight with...
THE WEBER KID’S 2024-25 BOWL “BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS” PART III
(Colorin’ outside da’ lines-of-scrimmage!)
THURS. JAN. 9
Capital One Orange Bowl (@ Miami Gardens, FL)
#6 Penn State vs. #7 Notre Dame: Irish didn’t do very much on offense, but got carried by the defense and special teams against da’ Bulldogs into this one. Might end up bein’ a similar effort vs. the Nittany Lions. ND is #11 in rush yards per game allowed at 217.5 pg. Lions RBs Kaytron Allen and Nick Singleton has both eclipsed 1000 ground yards on the season each. With any luck (not “of the Irish”!), State’s stud defender Abdul Carter (11 sacks and 21.5 TFL) will be able to go after sustaining an upper-body injury vs. Boise State in game that was closer than the final score suggested. Leprechauns RB Jeremiyah Love, who likes to leap over would-be tacklers, may not be 100%. Last meeting between these two was 31-10 victory by the home team in Happy Valley in 2007. Lions will be on the lookout for Shamrocks’ whole-sale fire-wagon changes on 4th Down! Hopin’ State does not allow the descendants of the Four Horsemen to “wake up da’ Neccos...er ...geckos...um...al frescoes...flamencos???!!!”...Alma Mater 29 Our Lady 24
FRI. JAN. 10
Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic (@ Arlington, TX)
#5 Texas vs. #8 Ohio State: Steers are on borrowed time after an originally-called targeting call (obvious penalty of helmet-to-helmet) was overturned, forcing an ASU punt and went on to escape in double-extras. Buckeyes exacted the cliche “pound-of-flesh" blasting the Drakes 41-21 after 32-31 loss to the Ducks earlier. Ohio State QB Will Howard is no stranger to the Cattle, having played them three times during his time at K-State, including a tough 33-30 loss last season in extra-innings. Steve Sarkisian has been piling compliments upon his opponent. Real deal or PsyOps?! Hmmm. Steaks will need a better performance on 1st-Downs here than the pair of sacks yielded, a safety, 30 yards on 10 totes and two 10-yard flags sustained vs. the Pitchforks. Weather could be an issue with freezing temps and snow expected for this one. Following an incident instigating a post-game brawl, OSU coach Ryan Day told his team “Nobody comes into our house and faceplants a flag!”...State 38 Livestock 29
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, UT coaches did express concerns about potential penalties for “illegal hooves to the face” and/or “ineligible bovine downfield”, not to mention “gouging a defenseless player” if on the field for any D snap.
Vindy inserted a banner bearing his house sigil in the middle of a local sportsbook, simply drawing snickers, sneers and guffaws from fellow bettors and ticket-writers before security booted the fab forecaster from the premises!
In Joja’s loss to Notre Dame, ‘Dawgs’ pine-rider inexplicably made vigorous contact with the referee, drawin’ a 15-yard unnecessary roughness/play-official interference flag. The zebra-in-question was taken to the blue medical tent, where his whistle was extracted from his throat before returning to duty on the field!
If VRBO AirB&B meets our weekly forecast, do we hear Nick Saban sayin’ “No picks longer than five minutes. This ain’t a sportsbook”???!!!!
Steelers QB Russell lavished hit O-line with with pricey Christmas gifts, including a $10K gift card for AirBnB, a black & gold Louis Vuitton duffle bag, a bottle of wife Ciara’s Ten-to-One rum and custom kicks from his Good Man’s brand. Likewise, showin’ his appreciation, Vindy handed out 2-fer-1 buffet coupons at Circus Circus, ten bucks worth of free slot-play at the casino of their choice and Slotzilla zip-line tickets to each member of his preseason forecasting strategy team!
Lamar Jackson, after vowing to leave the locker room to watch Beyonce’s halftime performance, elected to stay inside and tune into “Year Without a Santa Clause” on Netflix instead!
Men’s hoops head coaches Tom Izzo (Michigan State) and Oakland’s Greg Kampe each sported Grinch sweaters for their mid-December clash. “And then down in East Lansing they say, the coaches’ small hearts grew three-pointers that day!”
In a long-delinquent follow-up to an NHL “lead story” earlier this season, we...couldn’t wait for the first time Utah draws a penalty for “too many sister-wives on the ice”! No truth to the rumor a missionary intentionally goaded a visiting fan/away game fan sitting rink side into mashing his face on the glass to get his 15 minutes of fame on national TV and ESPN’s Top Ten Plays of the Day segment. If a Utah player notches a “Gordie Howe hat-trick", does he get a goal, an assist and conversion of a non-believer to the Latter Day Saints?! The new coach is asking fans for patience because it will be difficult for the team to make the playoffs when it must tithe 10% of its annual points accumulated to the church! An incident occurred recently as missionaries attempted to ride their bicycles between the rows, obscuring fans’ views and annoying one attendee enough to push a bike over. No injuries were reported as the rider was able to dismount his Schwinn two-wheeler safely, but the gears on the five-speed would require significant repair.
The WNBA’s Chicago Sky’s lawsuit versus Delta Airlines and the WNBA lingers in court, stemming back to May when every other team was able to travel to/from games on charter flights via the league’s partnership with Delta, yet the Sky (ironically) had to settle for commercial flights (in the economy section or on the cargo deck, no less), including QANTAS, Lufthansa and the United Kingdom’s Aer Lingus. Prosecutors have suggested the team also once had to get a lift from the U.S. Army to jump out of a perfectly good C-130 airplane, landing (pun intended) multiple players on injured reserve with sprained ankles before the game-in-question.
Next week...our thoughts on the national championship contest, more “hashmarks” and lotsa’ “leftover hash”!!!!!!
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