Pro Team-Wear Flops On Dark Continent
SIERRA LEONE, Africa (BBC)....An annual act of kindness blew up in the collective face of the NFL recently when it received an unexpectedly returned shipment of preseason shirts and caps bearing the emblems of the Oakland Raiders and Detroit Lions following what embarrassed officials are calling "a grievous clerical error". The National Football League donates nearly 300 pieces of "Super Bowl champions" logo-wear from the Big Game’s runner-up each year to underprivileged areas in Africa, including local villages here and those in Uganda and Niger. Speaking through an interpreter, one tribal elder said "our people, offended by the gear this year, repackaged it, pooled their ‘forever stamps’....and sent it back!" Tribesmen did hang onto one jersey, however, long enough to burn Randy Moss in effigy!
After a nifty 11-6 (.653) for the opening week, we torch our own Moss doll (Yeah, we know he doesn’t play by the Bay anymore. Work with me here!) and offer...
THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 2 FORECAST
(sponsored by Pamela Martin & Associates...for about $300 an hour)
THURS. SEPT. 6
#8 LOUISVILLE over Middle Tennessee giving 39: The Weber Kid thanks the soon-to-be-black-and-Blue Raiders for bringing home one of Vin’s best bets of Week One by losing substantially at Florida Atlantic! It’s all about the money, Honey as MTSU follows up that visit to a Sun-of-a-beyotch Belt champion contender with road tilts here and again next week in Baton Rouge. Cards probably not gonna’ reach 70's again, but trek into high 50's or 60's is not outta’ the question...Louisville 58 Middle Earth State 13
FRI. SEPT. 7
#15 RUTGERS over Navy giving 15 1/2: Knights have won and covered 5 of last 6, though none of those spreads were double-digits. The failed cover vs. the Omnipotent Owls leads Vin to side with the State Uni of NJ. Since the Sopranos vacated the premises earlier this summer, Knights players and coaches have been studying game-film in a backroom at the Bada Bing!...
Garden State Parkway Paladins 31 Middies 13
SAT. SEPT. 8
#1 USC: IDLE (next @ Nebraska) (Yeah...you guys just sit in that corner and THINK about what you didn’t do last week!)
#9 Virginia Tech over #2 LSU taking 12: The only certainty here is defense, defense, defense. Vin has watched this line fluctuate from 13 to 8 to 12. Yikes! Hokies managed all of 33 net rushing yards vs. the Bucs of ECU. Brandon Ore grabbed 70 on 23 carries and eight other rushing plays yielded some serious negative yardage. Tech likely won’t turn it over three times again. Huge game for both sides...Bengals 19 Hokies 13
#3 West Virginia over MARSHALL giving 23 ½: Second choice for "lock" pick. See Vindicator’s Week One write-up on WVU/Western Michigan. Mighty Mounties continued to press by scoring 10 points in the last 5 minutes of the game when they already had 52 points and a comfortable lead on the board ...’Eers 48 Herd 13
Troy over #4 FLORIDA taking 26 ½: Trojans beat the number last week on a touchdown as time expired (and those of us here at Vindy’s Picks thank them for that effort!) against run-first, grind-it-out Arkansas squad. Hogs turned it over three times as well. Crocs might just let Tebow run 50 times too. Sun Belt gets the nod anyway... Florida 42 Troy 20
#5 (tie) Wisconsin over UNLV giving 23 1/2: Volunteer UNLV coach Shane Steichen is just 12 credit hours short of a journalism degree and battled current Rebels QB Rocky Hinds for the position last year. Can’t ya just imagine Burgess Meredith, in his former film role as "Mickey", encouraging Hinds on the practice field, yelling "Eye of typewriter, Rock! Eye of the typewriter!"...Badgers 34 UNLV6
#5 (tie) OKLAHOMA over Miami giving 10 1/2: Local Las Vegas product RB DeMarco Murray certainly had his way against North Texas, scoring five touchdowns for the Okies in the first half. We think we also noticed the Sooners’ water-boy toting the rock late in Oklahoma’s 79-10 win. It’s a new dawn in Coral Gables, but.....Still OK 30 Miami 16
#19 Texas Christian over #7 TEXAS taking 9 ½: Auspicious start for the Steers, who were out-first-downed, out-rushed, out-passed and out-time-of-possessioned (we’ll look for that word in next year’s Webster’s Dictionary!) by Arkansas State. Toads got lotsa’ preseason love as this year’s edition of Boise State. We’re not sold on that, but we’ll grab the points anyway...’Horns 21 TCU 17
#10 California over COLORADO STATE giving 14: Possible letdown spot for the Bears. Cal QB Longshore overthrew wide-open receivers in the end zone on three straight plays at the end of the first half vs. Tennessee. State let rival Colorado off the hook late and lost in the extra period. Rams actually beat Cal 23-21 at Berkeley in ‘03. With loss to Buffaloes outta’ the way, Rams will focus more on upcoming Mountain Jest season...Bears 35 CSU 12
South Carolina over #11 GEORGIA taking 6: OK, we missed badly on Week One’s Oklahoma State upset call. Gamecocks owe Georgia for 2006 shutout in Columbia. A second consecutive forecast loss here by the Bulldogs and they become the season’s first guest at Vindy’s Ye Olde Taxidermy Shop! Geez, we’re stubborn, aren’t we???!! South Carolina 19 Joja’ 17
#12 OHIO STATE over Akron giving 28 ½: Your flustered forecaster changed his initial pick (never a good sign!), but Akron has a bunch of new linemen on both sides of the ball and turned in its first losing SU record in four years last season with one of those third-year coaches at the helm and 16 returning starters...Buckeyes 42 Zips 8
Brigham Young over #13 UCLA taking 7 ½: One of two games for each team that stands between it and an undefeated season. Cougars will probably need the same strong defensive play they got against Arizona. Hopin’ for a classic... Bruins 28 Mormons 24
#14 PENN STATE over Notre Dame giving 17 ½: Irish offense is so young (On three ...one..two..three...altogether now..."Howwwww younnnnng issss ittt?").. Irish offense is so young...Britney Spears’ baby was seen driving a blocking sled at practice sessions earlier this week in South Bend! Lions avenge last year’s 24-point defeat... State 29 ND 7
#16 Nebraska over WAKE FOREST giving 7 ½: Great spot for Huskers to fall on their faces, but Deacons better hope the five new guys on D can slow down the rushing juggernaut that ran 70 plays on the ground for 400+ yards against Reno. If Big Red doesn’t look ahead to USC...Nebraska 34 Wake 14
#17 AUBURN over South Florida giving 7: Bulls’ lackluster 28-13 "victory" over I-AA Elon doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence. Given that final score, we could surmise South Florida a) was looking ahead to this one, b) was playing possum to not reveal too much for this week’s game-plan, c) was over-rated or d) believed there was a 10-point "mercy rule" in effect when playing Football Championship Division teams...Warhawks 21 USF 10
#18 Arkansas: IDLE (next @ Alabama)
#20 Hawaii over LOUISIANA TECH giving 28: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Vindicator apologizes for listing Hawaii as "idle" here last week when, in fact, the Islanders were actually beating the bejeezus outta’ Northern Colorado. With a weak schedule, ‘Bows know they have to garner votes with style points. Only two Bulldogs opponents scored less than 31 points last season.. Ten folks from that stench...er..um..we mean..."staunch" defense return...UH 61LT 24
Samford @ #21 GEORGIA TECH: No line.
WASHINGTON over #22 Boise State taking 3: We’ll just hope for a push here, but Huskies opened year with promise by taking care of business and whacking Syracuse. We heard UDUB has arranged for soon-to-be-former- Idaho Senator Larry Craig to meet the Broncos in the men’s room shortly after they debark at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport...Sled Dogs 28 Boise State 25
#23 TEXAS A&M over Fresno State giving 17: Gee, could the Aggies finally being playing up to the expectations we thought they’d play up to when Uncle Fran first took over as HC? Bulldogs first cover in ‘07 will equal its season total of spread wins from ‘06! In each of the past three seasons, A&M has had one lower opponent play it much closer than it should have. Might happen again this year, but not this week...Aggies 27 FSU 7
#24 TENNESSEE over Southern Miss giving 11: Erik Ainge played a mighty fine game in a gutsy effort vs. Cal considering he has a few broken digits! That’s a good sign for a nice Rocky Top comeback and victory over the Eagles...UT 27 USM 14
#25 CLEMSON over Louisiana-Monroe giving 24 1/2: No anticipated falter here for Clemson as the Tigers have won and covered three of last four tilts that followed the annual Bowden Bowl. ULM is still Vindy’s choice to take the Sun Belt conference, but it’s still just an appetizer for the Big Six squads...Clemson 41 Monroe 7
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Revisiting last week’s lead story, we offer the following 12-hour rule possibilities for college hoopsters: "joint-to-point", "snort-to-court" and "merlot-to-freethrow" ("Paging Mr. O’Neil. Mr. Shaquille O’Neil..to the white courtesy phone, please."). BTW, drunken astronauts certainly gives new meaning to "I’ll buy, if you fly!"
During the Colorado State spring game, 4-year-old Caden Thomas wandered into the end zone, got tangled up with the receiver and broke up a potential TD pass. The referee ruled "incidental contact" on the play and the young man is probably headed for a future spot on the cover of a Madden video game!
Let’s hear it for the little guys! Sure, everybody’s heard about App State’s upset of Meeeechigan. How many of ya knew Rice fell to I-AA Nicholls State and I-A Bowlin’ Green toppled Minnesota as a 16-point doggie???!!!! The crowd chants, "E-lon, E-lon, E-lon, E-lon...!"
After the New Year, Michael Vick surrendered a water bottle with a compartment that contained a "small amount of dark particulate and pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana" to security at Miami International Airport We’re thinking he coulda’ got an endorsement deal for Evian bottled bong water!
In June, NIKE initially stood by its endorsement deal with Vick despite allegations of involvement in illegal canine activity. However, there’s no truth to the rumor the company was actually planning to change its motto to "just dog it".
Come to think of it, the NIKE swoosh does kinda’ look like a tail, doesn’t it???!!!
Also in June, Bjorn Borg withdrew from a tennis match after suffering injuries incurred while breaking up a fight between his golden retriever and a German shepherd. Big Mike reportedly had a couple of grand on the shepherd!
Later that month, shortly after reading Patriots QB Tom Brady’s quote likening receiver Wes Walker to a "Labrador", Michael invited the New England wideout to his home in Virginia!
When Mike gets incarcerated, the folks at Westminster can rest assured that his fellow inmates will vote him "Best of Show(er)"!
During a November interview, Meat Loaf told Rolling Stone that his performance style is "like a football team with music." Can’t wait for the singer/actor, known for his role in Rocky Horror Picture Show, to put out an album featuring such tunes as "Buckeyes By the Dashboard Light","Bat Outta’ Bucknell", "It’s All Come Running Back to Me Now" and the classic "I Would Do Anything for Lovey (Smith)"
In May, Texas Rangers 3B Hank Blalock agreed to undergo surgery to remove a rib. Uh oh...the last time some notable guy gave up a rib, we got...WOMAN!
On July 16, the Philadelphia Phillies recorded the 10, 000th loss in franchise history; the first pro team to do so. In addition to the dubious distinction, players, coaches and other team personnel received a set of steak knives and discount coupons for local businesses around the City of Brotherly Love!
"Locked in a Box?": The lock of da’ week record is off to a fine 1-0 start following LSU’s demolition of Mississippi State.
Vindy’s Week 2 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 2-2 (.500)
WYOMING -24 over Utah State, EAST CAROLINA -4 over North Carolina, VIRGINIA -16 over Duke, Toledo +3 ½ over CENTRAL MICHIGAN