NFL ANTI-NAVAL
NEW YORK, New York (UPI)...After banning the Captain Morgan pose recently, it turns out the National Football League is not anti-alcohol, but anti-maritime. The discovery of a secret rule book at NFL headquarters has led to revelations about the league’s objections to all references to sea-faring things. Forbidden in any stadium or promotion of any team are references to Sinbad or Popeye, the showing of film clips of Johnny Depp in his role as Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean series, Cap’n Crunch on the teams training tables and the playing of such songs as ”In the Navy” by the Village People, “Brick House” by the Commodores or “Muskrat Love” by the Captain & Tennille. The book even outlaws whistling the Old Spice theme tune. There were also plans to covertly pressure the Raiders and Buccaneers into changing their objectionable team monikers. One anonymous official said if current members of the Nautical Fuggheddaboutit League oversaw the Massachusetts Port Authority at the time, the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria would’ve never landed on American shores!
A 2-0 record before Saturday’s games kicked off helped our hero overcome a pair of bad beats and propelled the pretentious prognosticator to 11-9 (128-102-1, .557) in Week 12. A local fisherman, while cleaning out his nets today, threw back an old tire, some license plates and a small chest full of gold doubloons, but held on to....
THE WEBER KID’S 2009 WEEK 13 FORECAST
(Official picks of the Spanish Armada and the Harvard-Yale Regatta)
THURS. NOV. 26
#3 Texas over TEXAS A&M giving 21: Steers are in good shape at the #3 spot in the BCS and need to stay healthy for the Big 12 title game. UT has covered four of last five games in ‘09, but while points-scored has increased over the last three (35-47-51), points-allowed has also gone up (3-14-20). Aggies have covered 4 of last 5 vs. Texas in College Station and while having covered five of last six games this year, including easy SU win at Texas Tech, A&M has been clobbered by the better teams on its schedule. ‘Horns won 49-9 last year and recorded another blow- out in ‘03, but the games in-between have been decided by 13 or less. Colt McCoy logged almost 400 yards vs. Kansas. The Heisman trek continues... Cattle 41 A&M 17
FRI. NOV. 27
AUBURN over #2 Alabama taking 10: Tigers have seven SU wins on the season and would love nothing more to register the eighth at the expense of Iron Bowl rival ‘Bama. We see this as another OSU-Michigan, with the favorite winning, but the dog taking home the moolah. Other than last year’s 36-zippo Tide win, the previous six years were won SU by Aubie, by 10 or fewer. Tigers in rare home dog spot and have covered 2 of the last three as such. Two of Auburn’s four defeats this year were by 21, while the other pair was by 7...Alabama 21 Auburn 12
#5 CINCINNATI over Illinois giving 20 ½: After last week’s bye, Tony Pike is expected to start this week at QB (following a couple of cameo appearances in which he came in deep on a couple drives vs. West Virginia and accounted for 14 of Cincy’s 24 points). Bearkats blew the cover in the game via an early lost fumble (first on the year) and a missed FG. Illini don’t have much to play for, while UC is trying to surpass TCU in the BCS poll. Illinois did not cover vs. Penn State or Ohio State. ‘Kats can bang the scoreboard...Cincy 38 Illinois 13
Nevada-Reno over #6 BOISE STATE taking 13 1/2: Broncos have kindly faltered when Vindy has previously predicted a spread loss. We’re hopin’ they oblige once again. State needs a big win (and probably unlikely outright losses by TCU and/or Cincinnati) to grab a BCS berth. BSU has 7 covers, a push and a loss in last 9 vs. Reno. Broncos giving up 4 more points per game than last year. Wolfpack has topped 50 in five games already and has three players over 1000 yards each, but has failed in its last 7 vs. ranked teams. Tater-Heads are just 6-5 ATS this year...BSU 38 UNR 33
#8 Pittsburgh over WEST VIRGINIA (PK): Panthers seem to finally have it all together and will counter Mounties’ RB Joel Devine with their own workhorse, RB Dion Lewis (129 ypg). Pitt’s only outright loss came surprisingly at NC State in late September. West Virginia looks to payback close 19-15 loss in last season’s edition of the Backyard Brawl...Pitt 24 WVU 20
SAT. NOV. 28
Florida State over #1 FLORIDA taking 24 1/2: Earlier this summer, the NCAA Committee on Infractions responded to Florida State’s appeal of sanctions, but kept its answer classified, allowing the school 15 days to respond . Dick Cheney wasn’t responding to media calls and Nancy Pelosi said the CIA misled her on that too! Tebow played into the 3rd Quarter of rout vs. FIU before giving way to his back-up, Brantley. How long will he go this week with SEC title game next? Gators have won each of the last two years by at least 30...Crocs 38 ‘Noles 16
#4 TCU over New Mexico giving 44 1/2: Almost locked the Amphibians for a second straight week. Toads covered and landed Vindy’s first lock win in five tries last week, but need to take it up a notch to hold paper-thin lead over Cincinnati in the BCS rankings. In September, the FDA verified that remains found in a can of Diet Pepsi belonged to a frog or a toad....and officials in Ft. Worth still ain’t talkin’ ...TCU 54 Low-bos 6
#7 GEORGIA TECH over Georgia giving 7: Rested Bees are looking to post their first 11-win season since 1990's National Co-Champion squad, while ‘Dawgs, who wasted a 20-7 halftime lead and lost by 7 to Kentucky last week, are potentially going to have worst SU win total since 1996's 5-6 campaign that was led by Mike Bobo at QB. Joja’ has three covers in ten games on the year and this is only the second time in six seasons that UGA isn’t ranked for this match-up...GT 28 Georgia 7
#9 Ohio State: IDLE (next...da’ Rose Bowl)
#10 Oregon: IDLE (next vs. Oregon State 12/3)
#11 Oklahoma State over OKLAHOMA taking 9 1/2: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. QB Zac Robinson is expected to return from the injury that knocked him outta’ Texas Tech game and start the 2009 Bedlam. Even if he doesn’t or can’t go the distance, 3rd stringer Brandon Weeden can keep the pressure on the Sooners D. OU will start a new center this week. That’s got “botched snap” written all over it. Shootout that should give State its first Bedlam cover in five years and its first outright victory since 2002...Cowpokes 34 Sooners 31
#12 Penn State: IDLE (next...da’ Bowls)
#13 Iowa: IDLE (next...da’ Bowls)
#14 Virginia Tech over VIRGINIA giving 15 1/2: Hokies haven’t beaten the Cavs by this many since 2006, but are on 3-0 SU/ATS run since losing to North Carolina, giving up a total of 22 points in those tilts. Tech RB Williams went for 120 rushing yards and three scores, with WR Boykin pitching in 164 yards on 6 catches. Virginia won’t be able to throw effectively vs. stout VT pass defense if it gets down early...Tech 28 Cavs 10
#15 Clemson over SOUTH CAROLINA giving 3: Gamehens got a much-needed bye last week following 10-point loss to Florida and are floundering in 2-4 ATS skid after opening 4-0. Tigers won 31-14 at home in ‘08, but won only 13-9 and 23-21 the past two visits to Columbia. Clemson building a head of steam as it rolls into the ACC Championship game next week having won six straight following defeat by the Terps. Can Steve Spurrier gameplan for CJ Spiller? (We are, however, rather puzzled by Tigers’ sudden lack of scoring, taking a 13-point lead into the 4th Quarter vs. Virginia, who had 21 points of their own. Did Cavs defense suddenly come to play? Did Clemson elect to put the game in the hands of its own D? Did someone in Vegas make a phone call to the sideline?). It’s a rivalry, so Clemson won’t be looking ahead...Clemson 20 Poultry 13
#16 Oregon State: IDLE (next @ Oregon 12/3)
Arkansas over #17 LSU taking 3 1/2: No faith in the Tigers since they can’t seem to get out of their own way of late, losing two of three SU and scraping by Weeziana Tech. Hogs take their busload of super sophomores and their scoring machine (48.5 ppg over last four) into Not-Quite-Dead-Yet Valley...and win for the second straight season (Pigs took it 31-30 in 2008)...Arkansas 27 LSU 24
#22 Utah over #18 BYU taking 7 1/2: Coogs got four uncharacteristic turnovers from Air Force, making your humble host look like a Nostradamic ninny for tagging the Flyboys as his upset pick of da’ week. Winner is likely off to Sin City for the post-season and the key match-up should be Max Hall’s passing (300 yards per game) against Utah’s pass defense (100 yards per game). Utes won 48-24 last season and have permitted just two opponents to score more than 17 (Oregon and TCU, both on the road)...BYU 20 Utah 17
#19 Miami over SOUTH FLORIDA giving 6: We looked at this for lock status. Okay, this pits a bunch of former Sunshine State high school teammates (and rivals) against each other, but again, we reference USF’s resume. Yes, they’ve won 7 of 10 games straight-up to-date, but have just a lone cover in last five. ‘Canes did give up 300 passing yards to Duke, but it was a 73-yard INT return for TD by Miami that kept Devils’ defeat closer to three touchdowns than to mere 4 points. As long as Jacory Harris doesn’t toss a couple to the guys in the wrong-colored unis...Miami 27 USF 17
MISSISSIPPI STATE over #20 Mississippi taking 8: Rebels stole one last week. Bulldogs’ strength is the defense. We’re hopin’ to see the one that helped State lose by 10 vs. Florida, not the one that helped ‘Bama win by 28. Rebels 2-2 SU/ATS on the road this year, losing at South Carolina and at Auburn. Bulldogs have the running game to burn the clock even if they don’t score often. We wouldn’t be surprised by an upset, but let’s just say...Ole Miss 13 MSU 9
#21 California: IDLE (next @ Washington 12/5)
#23 North Carolina over NC STATE giving 6: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Wolfpack won this one 41-13 in 2008, but are 2-6-1 ATS this season and were crushed at home by Duke and Clemson. ‘Heels currently on nice 4-0 SU/ATS run that includes victories vs. Miami and at Virginia Tech, both of whom were ranked. Tarheels’ defense is on par with, if not better than, Virginia Tech’s, in most categories. Hokies got 4 turnovers from State last week, holding the Wolfpack below 20 points for first time since opening 7-3 loss to South Carolina....UNC 27 NC State 13
Ucla over #24 USC taking 13: We ain’t crushed about USC’s conference dynasty finally tumblin’ down. Trojans have had the extra week to think about thrashing by Stanford. Bruins are 3-5 ATS vs. the PAC-10 this season, but 3-1 the last 4. Rick Neuheisel already has two more wins than he had all last year when he took over UCLA and has his team bowl-eligible. Bruins have covered the last three vs. USC, but only SU win in last 10 years came in 2006 at UCLA...Southern Cal 23 UCLA 12
Rice over #25 HOUSTON taking 29 ½: Another cross-town rivalry like USC-UCLA above. The Owls, who’ve had a down year after doing good things in ‘08, have four covers in five tries vs. the Coogs, including last year’s 56-42 win and 56-48 loss in ‘07. Rice finally showing some oomph, winning back-to-back games and losing by just 3 at SMU after the first eight matches of 2009 saw the Hooters on the wrong end of an average margin of 46-15... Houston 48 Rice 24
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, draft-eligible players from the Navy Midshipmen and the Vandy Commodores are planning to boycott the NFL Combine this Spring.
Gator fans are expected to wear eye black, with or without messages, in honor of Tim Tebow, known for sporting bible verses on his, during Saturday’s Florida State game. Vindy plans to don the facial accouterment bearing the words “Love Boat” during Sunday’s trip to the sportsbook, just to spite the NFL!
In reporting on Sarah Palin’s recent book-signing, Fox News said the ex-vice presidential candidate was “continuing to draw huge crowds”, showing “live” video of the alleged crowds. Unfortunately, the film in question was actually from her campaign more than a year ago. In a related story, Fox blew it again last week, showing a game reel of Michigan’s last victory over the Buckeyes in 2003, while in fact State was beating the Wolverines on Saturday.
On the big screen, an adaptation of a book by Maurice Sendak in which a young boy named Max escapes a disappointing home life and finds himself in the middle of a trademark Miami Dolphins offensive formation in...”Where the Wildcat Things Are”. (In related news, Vin grabs bottle of whiskey and draws up X’s and O’s to run the Wild Turkey formation!)
A judge threatened to let Cincy QB Nick Collaros spend a little post-season time in the pokey if he didn’t finish a court-ordered program after flashing a fake ID at a bar near the UC campus. The ID looked so authentic, defenders on the Bearkats scout team tackled a cardboard cutout with the card glued to it while Collaros himself lined up unnoticed at wide receiver during practice last week.
Cleveland head coach Eric Mangini has levied charges of faking injury (which he has since recanted) against the Detroit Lions late in last Sunday’s game, won barely by Detroit. Uhhhh....Cleveland squandered a 27-6 lead, so we’re thinking the Browns were faking being a pro football team!
After hobbling thru mid-season, Vindy’s preferred picks (lock choices and best bests) have gone a collective 8-3 the past two weeks.
Black Shirt: goes this week to Connecticut Huskies RB Andre Dixon, whose 4-yard touchdown run in 2OT gave UConn the upset victory over Notre Dame and Vindy one of his Week Twelve best bet wins.
“Wish I Had That One Back”: Vindy wishes he’d put a little more confidence in Virginia’s ability to lose by less than three touchdowns over the past three years following the Cavs’ cover at Clemson.
“Locked in a Box?”: The Horny Toads of TCU stop the bleeding and raise the record to 5-7 (.417)
Shoppe Talk: The Miami Hurricanes remain off the coast and below the radar and the Weeziana State Tigers get a weekend pass for shoulda’-been win over Ole Miss, but the OSU Buckeyes have now dropped nine forecast picks in the past 10 appearances!
Vindy’s Week 13 Best Bets: Last Week: 4-1 Season: 25-27 (.481)
Central Florida -3 over ALABAMA-BIRMINGHAM, Southern Methodist -17 ½ over TULANE, Washington State +24 1/2 over WASHINGTON, Navy -9 over HAWAII
Now if you’ll excuse the Weber Kid, he’s off to do some holiday shoppin’ at one of his favorite stores...Tays-R-Us!
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