Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Vindy's Picks Week 2-2012


STATE COLLEGE, Pennsylvania (REUTERS)… Hordes of other-worldly-life-forms aficionados, who normally congregate in places such as Roswell, New Mexico, descended upon Happy Valley this week following the WikiLeaks release of the 44 previously-protected pages from Joe Paterno’s FBI file, which suggested the Penn State legend was actually an alien-being infiltrating the human race. Under the Freedom of Information Act, the federal agency had recently revealed most of the content of the late-coach’s dossier, which basically outlined little more than threats made against the coach by unhappy parents. Visitors to the campus hoped to catch a small glimpse or clue about the college football icon’s extra-terrestrial existence. Other sections of the originally-redacted file indicated he was also a card-carrying Communist, Khloe Kardashian’s real father and a Chick-fil-A shareholder!

If you were scoring at home, you know Vindicator not only opened the season on the right side of the Thursday night Carolina-Vandy game, he also predicted the exact final score of that tilt en route to a 10-7 (.588) record for Week One! Vindy and his entourage were all prohibited from a boarding a flight on a major airline this past Saturday for sporting T-shirts printed with…

(Marginally cuter than Snooki’s baby!)

Western Kentucky (+40) over #1ALABAMA:
‘Bama 44 WKY 7

#2 Southern Cal (-26 ½) over Syracuse (@ Met Life Stadium, NY): In an act of arrogance (or maybe in response to a call from one of da’ Godfatha’s “buffas”), Trojans went fer two…twice…following very early 1st-half touchdowns…missing both and costing Vindy a forecast dubya!!! Nitwit Lion-defector RB Silas Redd hit the end zone on behalf of USC as well. We are seriously-conflicted about ‘dat! ‘Cuse on 0-6 SU/1-7 ATS skid going back to 2011, after suffering bad beat on late-hit penalty that extended Northwestern’s 4th Quarter game-winning drive to lose by 1. Scoring D is still a problem for Orange, who allowed 9 more ppg last year (28) than in the 2010 season and gave up 42 to the Wildcats. On da’ plus-side, ‘Cuse has scored more points in each of the last six seasons and gone 4-2 ATS vs. ranked foes the past three years, including upset shocker over then-#11 West Virginia last October. Snoopy says…USC 48 Orange 16

#3 LSU (-23 ½) over Washington: Bengals 41 Huskies 13

Fresno State (+34 ½) over #4 OREGON: Ducks 48 Fresno State 20

Florida A&M @ #5 OKLAHOMA: No line.

Savannah State @ #6 FLORIDA STATE: No line.

#7 Georgia (-3) over MISSOURI: Joja’ 24 Mizzou 20

Louisiana-Monroe (+30 ½) over #8 ARKANSAS: Defense is still the Achilles’ heel for Arkansas, who gave up 21 first-half points to FCS almost-Top 25 team Jacksonville State. ‘Bama drops-by next week and Pork Chops are just 2-5 ATS in last 7 vs. the Fun Belt. Former Razorbacks coach Bobby Petrino got canned for more than 4300 texts and 300 calls to a mistress half his age. The whole Baylor program got three years’ probation for far fewer inappropriate contacts! BTW, rumor has it the Warhawks will emerge from the tunnel aboard motorcycles driven by their cheerleaders!...Pigs 37 UL-Monroe 13

#9 (tie) West Virginia: IDLE (next vs. James Madison)

East Carolina (+21 ½) over #9 (tie) SOUTH CAROLINA: The Chicken Nuggets were fortunate to leave Nashville with a dubya last week given the injury to QB Connor Shaw and an un-thrown pass interference flag that woulda’ put Vandy in position to close the gap to one, or even score the winning TD in the 4th Quarter. Pirates on are 5-2 ATS run, in third year under Coach Ruffin McNeill and have suffered thru two years-worth of turnovers that killed ‘em. Buckos get the nod….Gamehens 31 ECU 14

#11 Michigan State (-21) over CENTRAL MICHIGAN: MSU 34 CMU 9

#12 CLEMSON (-27 ½) over Ball State: Clemson 38 BSU 3

#13 Wisconsin (-7 ½) over OREGON STATE: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. This is a lotta’ love bein’ given to the Beavers and we think it’s a serious over-reaction to Wisky’s mere five-point victory over FCS club Northern Iowa. Heisman candidate Montee Ball rushed for a buck-thirty-two, but had no touchdowns. State brings back 15 young starters from injury-riddled 2011 season, which included a 35-0 loss at Camp Randall. Beavers’ scoring went down each of the past two years, while allowing more each year over the past five seasons. Badgers have failed to cover 6 of their last 8 games and are poor road faves, but should get it done here…Cheese-Heads 27 OSU 10

Central Florida (+17 ½) over #14 OHIO STATE: Could be the most intriguing match-up of the week. Like the Buckeyes, the Golden Knights will spend the offseason on their sofas courtesy of NCAA penalties (those sanctions are, however, being appealed). Both teams have good defenses and both hung more than a half-century on their respective opponents in the openers. UCF’s backfield includes transfers from Missouri (Blaine Gabbert’s little bro) and Miami. We give the dog a chance…OSU 23 UCF 17

Austin Peay @ #15 VIRGINIA TECH: No line.

#16 Nebraska (-5) over UCLA: Nebraska 30 Bruins 20

New Mexico (+38) over #17 TEXAS: Steers are the other club garnering a few of Vindy’s rubles as one of the medium-range odds teams to take home the crystal trophy. Sophomore David Ash is directing the traffic while the running game is in good shape, averaging 7 yards per carry, with two rushers over 100 yards each vs. Wyoming (which led 9-7 early). There was dancin’ in the streets of Santa Fe following Lobos’ 66-21 victory over FCS team Southern in Bob Davie’s debut at Head Coach. New Mexico matched its win total from a year ago (and equaled the yearly total for each of the past three seasons). Local readers may remember that 2011 win came vs. UNLV, as did Lobos previous season-starting win in 2005. Texas hasn’t beaten anybody by this many since early 2009…’Horns 42 UNM 10

#18 Oklahoma State (-13) over ARIZONA: Officials in Stillwater are still usin’ C-130 military transports to air-drop enough paper towels to pick up what’s left of Savannah State’s football team after the obscene 84-0 beat-down it got. Cowpokes employing freshmen (true or redshirt) at QB and while we don’t expect that kinda’ mismatch here, AZ’s OT win over Toledo…at home…gives us a good idea where the Wildcats’ first year under RichRod is gonna’ go. ‘Cats have covered just 5 of last 22 games overall. We considered this for “lock”…OKSU 38 AZ 20

Air Force (+21) over #19 MICHIGAN: A couple of gift-wrapped INTs put Michigan behind way too early to make a game of it vs. “Bama. Tide rushed at-will, but USAF’s backs and O-linemen won’t be nearly as big and we can just about count the number of Pilots’ returning starters on one hand . Nonetheless, nobody on Big Blue sideline has seen the option. Per the 6/25 ish of ESPN: Da’ Mag, Wolverines players underwent four hours of SEAL training alongside some actual Navy candidates. Demi Moore caught UM coaches’ attention at wide-receiver after telling a Wolverines’ cornerback to “suck…my…stick ‘em!!!”…Big Blue 24 Flyboys 13

Grambling State @ #20 TCU: No line.

#21 KANSAS STATE (-6 ½) over Miami: KSU 38 Hurricanes 27

Purdue (+14 ½) over #22 NOTRE DAME: Irish 29 Boilers 17

Missouri State @ #23 LOUISVILLE: No line.

#24 Florida (+1 ½) over TEXAS A&M: Gators were sloppy vs. decent Bowling Green squad, piling up 14 flags. The multiple-quarterback system got the win for Florida, but not convincingly. The coaching decision to settle on Jeff Driskel at QB should help. Former TAMU starting QB Ryan Tannehill is now suiting up for the Dolphins. We don’t think the initial offensive problems for Florida and road-team status warrants making Aggies the chalk here. A&M hasn’t been a good bet vs. ranked opponents nor in lined openers, and since Weeziana Tech game got postponed due to Mother Nature, this becomes Aggies’ first live-fire contest. Gators can at least make a few adjustments following last week’s outing…Crocs 27 A&M 24

#25 STANFORD (-14) over Duke: Cardinal eked out just 280 yards of total offense while sustaining just one five-yard hankie and zero turnovers, so we gotta’ tip our helmet to San Josie State fer one helluva’ defensive effort. Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com says Trees excel laying points following non-12-PACK game and Dukies suck after popping the scoreboard fer more than 35 (46 vs. Florida Int’l last week). Redbirds do host SoCal next week. Hud Mellencamp, son of John Mellencamp, walked-on and will play defensive back for the Blue Devils this season. Hud was home-schooled and did not play on the prep gridiron, taking up boxing instead. Will tackles “Hurt So Good”? Will pre-game speeches in Durham include “Nobody comes into our ‘little pink houses’ and pushes us around!”??? “Hud”, of course, either stands for “Housing & Urban Development” or…“Halfback Under Duress”!...Birds 31 Devils 13


BTW, further examination of Joe Pa’s file yielded information that he was also once turned down for a spot as a judge on American Idol. (And the whole “alien” thing would certainly explain the poor win-loss records during the Lions’ leaner years!). A few more thoughts on this topic next week!

Tunes besides Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” now off the Beaver Stadium playlist due to (cough!) “normal rotation”: MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This”, Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” and Ernie’s Sesame Street classic…”Rubber Duckie”!!!!!

Chalk a few up for the little guys: Eastern Washington 20-3 over Idaho, McNeese St 27-21 over Middle Tennessee St, Tennessee-Martin 20-17 over Memphis and Texas State 30-13 over Houston. Also in the “Whachu’ talkin’ ‘bout, Willis???!!!” category: Maryland 7-6 over William & Mary, Wake Forest 20-17 over Liberty, Indiana 24-17 over Indiana St and Wisconsin 26-21 over Northern Iowa! (We do note, however, that EWU, Indy State and Northern Iowa were all in the FCS Top 25 last week! Liberty showed up at #27, W&M at #35 and McNeese St got a single vote at #48.)

Along the same lines…the best team in Pennsylvania last week was…Temple???!! The alma mater fell 24-14 to Ohio and Pitt was beaten 31-17 by AA-squad Youngstown State. The Owls, however, managed to pound AA Villanova 41-10.

With regular officiating crews sidelined by the NFL via lock-out, replacement refs will be calling games, including females. Can’t wait to hear the first coach say they “lost the game to the folks in the striped skirts!” Or at least to the “zee-bras!” Hell hath no fury like a woman-referee scorned!

Can anybody else out there envision seeing Peyton Manning, especially given his new team this season, at the line of scrimmage…going thru his usual pre-snap gyrations, barking audibles…inter-spliced with shots of backs and receivers grabbing their uniforms to prominently display their jersey-digits…in-between clips of Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell bobbing their heads and rotating in unison a la the Night at the Roxbury (“What is Love?”) SNL skit in a music-video mash-up with Carly Rae Jepsen’s current hit “Call Me Maybe”???!!! (Or for those who know a certain former co-worker of your humble host…”Call me, Mabry!?”).

In July, we learned the USOC allowed Team USA garb to be “made in China”! That’s like Buckeyes players suiting-up in unis “made in Meeeeeshigan”!!!! The good news???!!! The outfits, designed by American Ralph Lauren, were sewn in world-record time by Chinese kids…six-and-under!!!! After that revelation, there was a call to burn those duds. What really hurt, though, was the suggestion that copies of Vindy’s Picks be used as kindling!!!!!

Immediately following disclosure of Prince Harry’s Vegas adventures last month, the Queen Mum petitioned the IOC to make strip-billiards an official Olympic medal-sport!

Black Shirt: The initial highly-coveted ebony-tee for the best performance, or “performance”, aiding Vindy’s cause, of the 2012 season goes to…the officiating crew-member that missed the pass interference penalty by a South Carolina defender in the 4th quarter of the Vandy game, allowing our narrator to hit the exact final score!

“Locked in a Box?”: We open the year a disappointing 0-1 on Lock of Da’ Week picks as the Stanford Cardinal, laying almost four scores, needed a late FG to edge San Jose State!

Shoppe Talk: The Mounted Ears of West Virginia (0-1, .000) officially open Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe this year, posting their 9th forecast “L” in their last dozen appearances in da’ Picks!

Vindy’s Week 2 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-2 Season: 3-2 (.600)
BOWLING GREEN -16 over Idaho, Toledo +3 ½ over WYOMING, Iowa State +3 over IOWA, Vanderbilt -3 ½ over NORTHWESTERN

Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to the Oval Office to knock a few back with the Commander-in-Chief! (“Honey Beerer don’t care???!!”)

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