Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Vindy's Picks Week 8-2012


LOVELOCK, Nevada (AP)…OJ Simpson finally acquired some memorabilia legitimately…by placing the winning bid in an auction for the blood-soaked sock, worn by Curt Schilling during the Red Sox 2004 World Series run. The ex-Boston hurler had to sell the historical garment to compensate for financial difficulties. Removed from its display at Cooperstown as ceremoniously as it was unveiled in its inaugural placement at the MLB hall-of-fame museum, the sock was quickly whisked into the back of a waiting prison vehicle, complete with weapon-packing escort, and transported westward. The former NFL star, acquitted of murder, but jailed, ironically, for armed robbery involving his sports-souvenirs, said he wanted the flawed footwear “because it matches the glove”. Upon learning of the transaction, Dream-Teamer Johnnie Cochran, who, still goin’ to-bat for his former client, said, “If da’ sock don’t fit…you ain’t got spit..!”

Down 2-6 early, your numbskull-narrator staged a comeback in the night-games to finish 8-8 for Week Seven (60-60, .500). Vindicator, fresh off yet-another viewing of The Shining, shoves his face between the bars of his own jail cell and quips...”Heeerrrrrrrrrre’s…

(Sponsored this week by Odor-Eaters!)

ARIZONA STATE (+9) over #2 Oregon:
Ducks were idle, while Devils were blasting Colorado, at altitude, last Thursday. State is playing well-enough defensively, allowing less than 16 ppg against I-A contestants and is under first-year coach Todd Graham, who’s stays at schools tend to be shorter than Britney Spears’ or Kim Kardashian’s marriages! Drakes have won the money in 12 of last 13 following a bye week and have hit the scoreboard for fitty or higher in 5 of 7 games so far. State’s covered last five times getting points in Tempe, but have a redshirt freshman at quarterback. First true road game for Oregon on the season and we considered this for upset pick of da’ week… Mallards 44 ASU 38

SAT. OCT. 20
TENNESSEE (+21) over #1 Alabama:
Tide’s atop the season’s opening BCS, which given the forthcoming playoff-format and expiration of the contract for the current system, stands for “Be Closin’ Soon”! Vols have been competitive, despite 1-2 ATS record, in their three SEC defeats, letting Florida, Georgia and last week, Mississippi State, off the hook late in those games. ‘Bama has already matched spread-loss total from 2011, but all three ATS wins have come away from Tuscaloosa. The home team in this series has sucked dirty-pond water ATS. As the election campaign rages, we’ve noted some “NOBAMA” stickers on cars in the Vegas Valley. We’re just wonderin’ why certain denizens of Sin City are harborin’ ill-will toward the Crimson Tide!!!!!!...’Bama 34 Rocky Top 16

#9 South Carolina (+3) over #3 FLORIDA: Tough spot for the Gators, who face unhappy bunch of ‘Nuggets off loss to LSU. At least UF is home and have QB Jeff Driskel, who did his best Tebow-impersonation, rushing for three scores and 177 total ground yards in tight victory over Vandy. Carolina won 17-12 in 2011. Again, we expect points to be at a premium, and “under” is da’ play…Tenders 16 Gators 14

#4 Kansas State (+3 ½) over #17 WEST VIRGINIA: Wildcats 42 WVU 40

#5 NOTRE DAME (-14) over Brigham Young: With or without QB Golson…Irish 27 Coogs 8

#6 Louisiana State (-3) over #20 TEXAS A&M: Gotta’ hand it to the Bengals. They know how to defend the home-turf. Despite an early missed FG and a 10-yard punt, the wide-outs made some nifty catches and State got the win. Aggies almost went down to Weeziana Tech. Strength vs. strength here. Can A&M’s offense outwit the Tigers’ defense???!!!...LSU 17 Aggies 13

#7 OHIO STATE (-17) over Purdue: Buckeyes 38 Boilers 17

#8 OREGON STATE (-10 ½) over Utah: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Looks like the Beavers have more than just one very capable quarterback. A Utah elementary school uses talking vending machines to warn kids against unhealthy snack choices each time they press a button. That same school uses identical technology every time a 3rd grader wants to place a wager on one of Vindy’s Picks! Your humble narrator, however, just got his Beehive State substitute-teaching certification and plans to help da’ absent schoolmarm’s class of 8-year-olds learn some math (and a few multi-syllable words, such “point-spread”, “parlay” and “favorite”) by encouraging them to invest in…Beavers 29 Utes 10

#10 OKLAHOMA (-35) over Kansas: Sooners 49 Kansas 10

Colorado (+41) over #11 USC: This got “lock” consideration…Troy 45 Buffs 14

MIAMI (+17 ½) over #12 Florida State: ‘Noles 28 Pelicans 21

KENTUCKY (+28) over #13 Georgia: Road dog woes continue for the Bulldogs, who got an extra week to stew over 35-7 stinker they turned-in at South Carolina. Bluegrass Kittens on 0-5 spread slide, 1-6 on the year and are typically “good-fer-what-ails-ya” when scoring is poor (lost 49-7 last week at Arkansas). Our reservations here are 1) a certain infamous “Party” awaits Joja’ next Saturday, 2) to a lesser-extent, it’s Homecoming in Lexington and 3) ‘Dawgs’ only wins by this many have come between da’ hedges vs. Florida Atlantic and Vandy. Best guess for “wish I had it back”….Joja’ 45 KY 20

#14 CLEMSON (-9) over Virginia Tech: One of the Hokies’ receivers discovered a pair of scissors on the field during Tech’s loss to North Carolina. Perhaps one of the Tarheels ball-carriers took the term “cutback” a tad too literally! Nonetheless, Clemson will be taking advantage of an opportunity to get in its opponents’ heads, leaving several sets of shears in the visitors’ locker room this week!...Tigers 38 Hokies 24

Middle Tennessee State (+20 ½) over #15 MISSISSIPPI STATE: Bulldogs 30 MTSU 17

#16 LOUISVILLE (-7) over South Florida: Louisville 27 USF 17

#18 Texas Tech (GASP!) (-2 ½) over TCU: Guns Up 17 Horny Toads 9

#19 Rutgers (-6) over TEMPLE: Knights 23 Owls 13

TOLEDO (+7) over #21 Cincinnati: In June, the San Diego Padres drafted hasn’t-played-baseball-since-high-school Rockets’ starting QB Terrance Owens…solely on the basis of his arm-strength and accuracy to be a pitcher! Having someone take the mound that’s used to hitting guys “right between the numbers” is not going to work out well! Nor is having a guy who keeps telling his outfielders to…“go long”!!!!...Cincy 41 Toledo 37

#22 Stanford (-2 ½) over CAL: Stanford 20 Berkeley Bears 14

Michigan State (+10) over #23 MICHIGAN: Even discounting the long TD-runs of 49- and 63-yards, Big Blue still managed to tote the rock at 5 yards per carry in rout of Illinois. Sparty, while slogging on offense, won’t be had quite so easily on the other side of the ball. Including OT loss at Iowa last week, State is on 0-5 spread skid and shows a 3-9 road dog record, but has won this series four years running. Don’t be stunned to see Spartans make it five in a row, but we’ll conservatively call it…UM 20 MSU 16

#24 BOISE STATE (-27 ½) over Nevada-Las Vegas: These ain’t yer father’s Broncos, salvaging a win (and cover) vs. won’t-go-away Fresno State Puppies last week, but have to wonder what the Rabbles can muster on the conference road following the squandering of a couple early three-score leads to yield da’ Fremont Cannon to “that team up-north”…again! Like Kentucky and Colorado, the D tends to make lesser-offenses seem better than they really are…Broncos 38 UNLV 10

#25 Ohio: IDLE (next @ Miami-Ohio)

BTW, Vindy’s spies say a guard at the Silver State correctional facility actually chanted “Dead sock walkin’! Dead sock walkin’!” as the famous hosiery made its way down a corridor, while wearin’ an orange jump-suit with a bullet-proof…uh… ”vest” (or at least a Kevlar boot)…toward the Juice’s cell!

“Vindy…er…um…Windy…I’m home-field!”

Incidentally, we have it on good authority that CU officials paid handsomely to ensure in-room TVs at Tech’s hotel, regardless of channel, broadcast only Edward Scissorhands or Sweeney Todd!

Following up last week’s musings about the alma mater’s “NASCAR” hurry-up offense, we note the conversion of the PSU sideline into “pit row” each time that particular offense is run. Lions’ quarterbacks have the option of pulling off in mid-play to get four new offensive linemen (swapped out with an air-wrench), a few squirts from a water-bottle, a topped-off tank of gas and a wash-and-squeegee across the facemask. The best part of this scenario, of course, is watchin’ players collide high-up in the turn, then spin-out while their cleats and other random parts of their uniforms fly-off over the wall and into the stands! This naturally brings out the yellow flag, which causes players to slow down and maintain their respective positions behind a pace car on the field! But what’s really weird is when outstanding players each game get helmet-stickers bearing the logo of Pennzoil or STP!

An Oklahoma City school forced five-year-old Cooper Barton to invert his University of Michigan T-shirt last summer because said-school district’s dress code only permits apparel touting the Sooners, Okie State Cowpokes or other educational institutions in Oklahoma. Barton subsequently got a lotta’ love after da’ fact from the Big Blue athletic director, including tickets for himself and his kin to a Michigan game and a customized Wolverines T-shirt. The two teams do not face each other in the 2012 regular season, but in the event of a possible bowl meeting between the squads, Vindy has offered to teach da’ lad to yell “Boomer Poopie-Pants” each time he sees the Oklahoma covered-wagon take da’ field!!!!

The Nawlins’ Saints…sponsored by… “Bounty…da’ quicker knocker-downer!”

The Post Office got more than the usual “heat” in August for botching estimated sales of commemorative stamps, including the printing of one-billion Simpsons stamps, which actually sold less than a third of that. Later in the month, Lance Armstrong got stripped of his Tour De France titles. A recently-released report suggests the former beau of Sheryl Crow was thrown under the bus by eleven former-teammates alleging use of PEDs. Not only is the former USPS-sponsored biker not getting’ his own stamp series, he ain’t even gettin’ da’ benefit of that flat-rate promised in those “if it fits, it ships” ads.

Black Shirt: This week’s uber-undergarment goes to…Indiana freshman QB Nate Sudfield for throwin’ two TD-passes in the final 1:40 vs. da’ Buckeyes D to give the Hoosiers our predicted cover!

“Locked in a Box?”: Hallelujah!!!! Louisville won by 10 over Pitt to put our first lock win of the season (1-6, .143) in the books.

Shoppe Talk: The Trojan Hobby-Horses of USC get a weekend pass after finally getting us a forecast win in failed-cover vs. UDUB, but the Mountain-Jeers of Morgantown (0-5 season, 3-13 last 16 appearances!) take top “honors” after being blown-out by (GASP!) Texas Tech, whose own 1-1 season-but-6-22-1 “picks”-tally skid leaves us woofing down Prilosec! Florida State gets an engraved invitation, now showing 1-4 (.200).

Vindy’s Week 8 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-3 Season: 16-17 (.485)
UNR -7 ½ over San Diego State, Ball State -3 over CENTRAL MICHIGAN, Indiana +3 ½ over NAVY, LOUISIANA TECH -30 ½ over Idaho, Iowa State +13 ½ over OKLAHOMA STATE, Penn State +3 over IOWA

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