With nothing this week grabbing the attention of our creative, journalistic talents, we reach into da’ vault and re-print a fave lead story from the winter holidays circa December 2011. Enjoy (again?!)...
TEBOW CHANNELS CONTROVERSIAL ACTOR DURING NFL CONTEST
DENVER, Colorado (Reuters)…Until now, the Broncos’ masterful miracles were often attributed to favor from On High, but a recent interview with New York Post revealed Tim Tebow’s success in leading late comeback victories is more Gibson than God. The quarterback noted during the Q&A session that his flick-of-choice is “Braveheart” and subsequently busted out his impersonation of star-character William Wallace during Denver’s home-match versus New England earlier this month. Meeting the referee and Patriots team-captains at mid-field for the pre-game coin-toss on horseback, Tebow wore a kilt and face-paint bearing Scotland’s national-colors while proposing, “...Denver’s terms. Lower your flags. Tell your coach he has to cross the field, present himself before this team, put his head between his legs and kiss his own arse. Then, march straight back to New England, stopping at every Broncos fan’s home he passes by to beg their forgiveness for a hundred seasons of oppression and tyranny.” Later in the 4th Quarter, decked-out in the same 14th Century regalia and wielding a Claymore sword, Tebow was seen riding up-and-down the Broncos’ sideline, yelling, “They may take our linemen...but they’ll never take...our FREEEDOMMMMMMM!”
Guessin’ we’d displayed some jacked-up season-fatigue with last week’s 1-3 (35-38, .479), but we’re soldiering-on. Under da’ tree, nestled snuggly among da’ Corona-masked Barbie, Play-Skool Missile Attack-Drone and Murder-Hornet Plush-Toy, readers on da’ “Nice”-list (oh Hell...on da’ Naughty-list too!) will find...
THE WEBER KID’S 20-21 BOWL PREDICTIONS FORECAST: PART I
(Available with milk & cookies to Santa via “chimney-curbside pick-up”!)
SAT. DEC. 26
Cure Bowl (@ Orlando, FL)
Liberty vs. Coastal Carolina (“over 59 ½”): Chants-Lafayette was a late-scratch after we spent time analyzing that one. Uggggh. Fightin’ Falwells haven’t hit the field in earnest since 45-nada shut-out of UMass over Thanksgiving-weekend and suffered lone-defeat, 15-14, at NC State. As an Independent, Flames tallied a non-conference record of 9-1 SU/7-1 ATS (with two games vs. I-AA clubs), slippin’ past Virginia Teck 38-35 and besting Syracuse 38-21, posting at least 28 in all but game vs. da' afore-mentioned Wolfpack and showin’ 5-3 “over”. Chants finished 3-0 non-Fung-Shui Belt SU (2-1 spread-wise), beating Kansas (but then who didn’t?!!) and BYU on a neutral-site. Poultry lit the board for minimum of 28 in all minus two games, going 50% over/under. Early bowls trends higher-scoring. Liberty beat Joja’ Summon in 2019 post-season. Roosters get initial FBS-level bowl...Coastal Cinderella 37 Statues of....31
MON. DEC. 28
Cheez-It Bowl (@ Orlando, FL)
#18 Miami (+2) over Oklahoma State (“under 58 ½): Yup...da’ much-feared double-call in first of two-such predictions! ‘Pokes last played 12/12, bashing Baylor 42-3, but had unanticipated-demise @ TCU a week before. State’s gone 7-2-1 “under” with 8 of ‘em below this total. Caballeros crawled to the finish-line on 1-5-1 ATS. ‘Canes looked like a “return to prominence” with sole-loss at prolly-again-national–title game-contestant Clemson until absorbing second-loss at the hands of North Carolina by 38 in ACC finale, to close-out on 2-5 ATS skid. Pelicans (0-3 SU/ATS since 2017, including 14-0 nothin’ loss to Weeziana Tech last year) have been bowl-poison. State’s walked-off triumphant in two of last three postseason efforts, covering the entire hat-trick vs. Virgina Tech, Mizzou and TAMU. We’re gonna’ contradict the trend...Tropical Storms 28 Wranglers 23
Valero Alamo Bowl (@ San Antonio, TX)
Colorado (+9 ½) over #20 Texas (“over 64”): Before 17-point loss to Utah, Bison seemed positioned to be one of the few good options to represent the 12-Pack in the CFP, but they only underwent 5 live-matches, winning and beating the line in four of ‘em. Best victory was 48-42 track-meet facing UCLA, though also knocked-off D-minded Aztecs in only non-conference contest. Horns’ put 6 of 9 in win-column, but beat the spread only 4 times and can be lured into shoot-outs, having went into extras six-times. Cattle have won and covered last three years. Buffs enter first bowl since 38-3 loss in 2016, second post-season outing in 11 years. ‘Horns gift opponents average of 29 ppg and ended six tilts above this total. Buffs lone “unders” came vs. D-minded Sudzu and O-poor Arizona. Wouldn’t rule-out the upset, but we’ll say... Steers 39 Colorado 37
SEASON RECAP
BEST WEEKLY EFFORT: Week 10’s perfect 5-0 (1.00)!
WORST WEAKLY “F”-fort: Week 13’s 1-4 (.200) out-housing!
WEBER FRIENDLIES (Best percentage on the predicted side of the spread/total: minimum 4 at-bats in the forecast): This season’s Allstate “Yer In Good-Hands" Award goes to Ohio State (4-0, 1.000)!
FLAME-THROWERS (Worst percentage on the predicted side of the spread/total: minimum 4 at-bats in the forecast): This year’s Grill-Master Supreme (you can still see the sear-marks on Vindy’s wallet) is divided between ‘Bama, Clemson and Texas...all at 1-4 (.200), while Suckin’ Place is firmly-seated in da’ Sunshine State, being split-between Florida and Miami, both at 1-3 (.250)!
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, “spoiler alert”! Denver lost the New England game and Gibson got beheaded at the end of referenced-movie for failing to quell his players’ uprising and not swearing allegiance to the Pats!
Following UNR’s 38-27 triumph over Tulane in the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, Wolfpack players “drenched” HC Jay Norvell in *french fries*. They coulda’ included at least ketchup or Vindy’s preference after three-years in Germany of pomme-frites sauce*!!!!
On the idiot-box...Tom Hanks voices the conductor who transports AP-media types by train to points-north, where they’ll determine Top 25 rankings in....”Da’ Poll-Voter Express”!
Possible post-season venue fer 2021...the Duluth Trading-Company Naked-Underwear Bowl!
Da’ Grinch meets Nawlin’s football mantra...Who-Ville ‘dat say they gonna’ beat dem Saints?!!!
If a beloved reindeer character meets a certain play on offense, does Rudolph go to the Island of Misdirection-Fit Toys???!!!
On da’ Silver Screen, NYPD detective John McClane uses voice-inflection to draw bad-guy Hans Gruber offside in...”Die-Hard-Count"!
Also in theatres this holiday weekend, the KC Chiefs star-QB, by himself with his family in Europe, fends-off a couple of bungling-burglars in....”Patrick Mahomes Alone”!
If a hockey player, holding his stick with both hands parallel to the ice, hits a skating Santa in the back with a horizontal-stick in full-view of an official, does he spend two-minutes in the penalty-box for...Claus-checking???!!!
Earlier this month, break-dancing was added as an Olympic event. No status yet on applications by Disco and rhythmic-Zumba to become medal-sports!
Black Shirt: The sensational-sub-cloth goes to Scarlet Knights safety Christian Izien for securing four (count ‘em, four!) turnovers against the Corn-Meal, including a pick in the EZ and a fumble-recovery at the Rutgers 27, to keep the final-total “below 54”! Honorable-Mention to USAF K Teyve Schuette-Rohl (whose jersey-moniker runs down an arm since it won’t fit across the back) fer missin’ a pair of 1st-half FG-tries inside da’ 40 to cash our Nebraska-RUTGERS call “under 54”!!!
Vindy’s Bowl Predictions Part I Best Bets: Last Week: 2-1 Season: 34-18 (.654)
#16 UL-Lafayette +14 over Texas-San Antonio, Western Kentucky-Joja' State “over 50 ½, Missouri- #17 Iowa “under 50 ½”, #8 Oklahoma-#10 Florida “over 71 ½”
Upon further review, we listed Nebraska @ RUTGERS “under 54” twice in this segment last week! Apparently, we really, really liked it! Rightfully so, as the total came in at 49!
Stealin’ a line from Home Alone, we’re wishin’ da’ loyal readership a “Merry Christmas, ya’ filthy animals!”
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