BADGERS, RAIDERS LINE UP TO GET CLEARED SANDWICH TOSSER
MADISON, Wisconsin (MSNBC)...Following his acquittal of assaulting a federal agent with a Subway sandwich during a recent protest, former DOJ staffer Sean Dunn is suddenly a hot commodity among teams, both NCAA and NFL, searching for a quarterback. The ex-paralegal was offered the chance to try out for the local Wisconsin Badgers, who have struggled to put points on the board (3rd-worst in the nation at 12.5 points-per-game this season), after scouts reviewed film of the incident and were “impressed by his accuracy and footwork”. Working in his favor is that kicker Sean West was the club’s leading passer in the 13-10 upset of the Washington Huskies on Saturday. Also in pursuit are the Las Vegas Raiders with QB Geno Smith having a thrown a league-high twelve interceptions. While the prosecutor on the case stipulated that the projectile was a six-inch Cold Cut Combo with the usual veggies, mayo/mustard spread and “shakables”, he adamantly claimed that only the “absence of meatballs and lack of bun toasting” prevented the Customs and Border Protection officer from sustaining “considerable damage”.
The joy of having a forecast win already in the bank before Friday’s clock even struck midnight was short-lived as the Ducks and Hawkeyes held a sumo-wrestling match, keeping the total “under 41 ½” (see our “lock” segment below) while the Aggies of Texas A&M was relentless at Mizzou in the 4th Quarter, pushing the final tally “over 48 ½” and putting us at 1-2 ahead of the two late games selected in Week 11, which we split to go 2-3 (25-31-1, .446). Also, “Best Bets” took a 0-4 collar. If ya got Vindy on yer fantasy forecast team, send him to da’ waiver wire!
The Farmer’s Almanac, more than two centuries old, saw its final publication this Thursday, leaving farmers, gardeners and others seeking tips on planting and predictions regarding forthcoming weather events no choice but to consult...
THE WEBER KID’S WEEK 12 FORECAST
(“It’s couture”)
SAT. NOV. 15
#10 Texas (+6) over #5 GEORGIA: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #1. Joja’ won 22-19 in an extra frame last season as a 4-point underdog. Both sides have toppled two of three Top 25 opponents so far and UGA won by 8 vs. Ole Miss but by a mere FG over Rocky Top and ‘Bama. Texas is 0-3-1 ATS on the road but was chalk in 3 of those 4. UT is also pass-heavy. Not good news for the host, which has 11 sacks, more than only 10 FBS teams and just 4 INTs, ahead of just 14 clubs. The Manning family genes have been kicking in as of late. Should we invoke a current Allstate ad and bark at our boss? Asking for a friend...Steers 23 ‘Dawgs 20
#12 BYU (-4 ½) over Texas Christian: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Cougars, off their inaugural demise, being held to just 7 points by Texas Tech’s mighty fine defense (not a good look if that turns out to be a B12 title game preview and potential playoff match-up), are on 7-0 SU streak in one-score contests. TCU is lesser-impressive 5-4 in those games in the wake of 20-17 loss to the Dust Devils last week. Only concern is a mediocre 3-point win over a bad Buffaloes squad in Boulder, but the Mormons later bested Arizona by 6 in Tucson and bounced just-mentioned Iowa State by 14 in Ames. Not ready to give up on Da’ Other “U”, who’s finished on the wrong end of the scoreboard just once in last 10 at Provo and remains in the hunt for not only the conference crown but a playoff berth. Toads are 2-2 SU/ATS on the road, including the 48-14 season-opener that embarrassed the Hoodie in his first game coaching the Tarheels...Brigham Young 31 Froggies 23
NC State @ #16 MIAMI (“under 56”): Statistically speaking, the spread (Miami –15 right this minute) looks pretty accurate based on the latest five games for each side and Tropical Storms’ overall average margin-of-victory. The only reasonably significant difference might be pass defense with Miami giving up about 100 yards per contest fewer than NC State. To its credit, Wolfpack claims victories by 4 over conference front-runner Virginia, by 10 over Wake Forest (who just hung a second defeat on the Cavs) and two weeks ago ahead of its bye on co-frontrunner Ramblin’ Wreck. Admittedly, two of those were in Raleigh. The road tilts have been a different story (Demon Deacons notwithstanding) with losses by 12, 29 and 19. That fact prevents us from pulling the trigger on the line. Pelicans are 129th in penalties, averaging about 8 yellow hankies per game and have been particularly susceptible to pre-snap flags, which should limit scoring at least a tad). Backin’ the Ibis D (and the zebras when Miami has the ball) to keep the total down enough...Da’ U. 34 NCSU 17
#20 Virginia (+5 ½) over DUKE: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #2. Does anyone wanna’ win the ACC?? Anyone? Anyone?! Buehler??! Maybe an overreaction to Cavs’ stumble vs. pesky, now 6-3 Demon Deacons, who almost shocked Joja’ Tech in September and Virginia still only has two losses compared to Duke’s four (Devils should’ve gotten by UConn last week but fumbled on their final drive to prevent a potential game-tying FG). UVA has seen a considerable reduction in points-scored over the past four games, but Blue Devils' generous defense should help turn that around. Cavs are in four-way tie atop the conference with Duke a game back. Devils have failed to knock off a ranked team in their previous 9 tries. Virginia QB Morris was hurt in loss to Wake. He could be back, but in any case, the running game will need to carry the day by keeping Duke’s ACC-best air attack off the field. Wahoos have three wins in OT this season. Could be a fourth here...Cavaliers 27 Durham Demons 24
Appalachian State (+21) over #24 JAMES MADISON: Wouldn’t be a bad “lock” choice. We don’t generally breakdown games featuring teams with losing records, but the 4-5 Mountaineers have suffered two recent defeats by 5 total points and could easily be 6-3. Dukes (8-1, falling respectably at Louisville 28-14) are the first Stun Belt squad elevated into the rankings and deserve some recognition. JMU had been under the direction of Indy wunderkind HC Curt Cignetti until 2024 then mustered a bowl dubya over Western Kentucky with Bob Chesney coaching last season. Half the Dukes’ Below the Belt Conference wins were by a dozen or less. JMU is 7th nationally in ground yards, but App State defends that pretty well at 117 ypg. Mounties need two dubyas over final three tilts to make a bowl. Expect a solid effort here...Dolly...er...James Madison 33 ASU 24
BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS
BTW, the sandwich giant has asked Dunn to consider becoming the face of the company with a tagline of, “Subway...Eat Fresh Set of Downs!”
Since we overlooked doing so in Week 11, we harken back to Week 10’s lead story and note Arizona State was originally contracted with Coppertone to have its logo appear on ASU’s homefield but after realizing the product was a “sun block” quickly stenciled over it to read “run block”. Meanwhile, Penn State has ended its agreement with Amica Mutual Insurance in lieu of Mando Deodorant given the malodorous results on the season. Elsewhere, Busch beer is in talks with several Group-of-Five teams to display “Head for the Mountain West”.
Pitt HC Pat Narduzzi conveyed the idea that he’s okay with the Panthers getting absolutely mashed by Notre Dame this weekend if his guys get past Joja’ Tech and Miami the following two weeks. Is that some sorta’ twisted psychological warfare to get the team seriously wanting to prove him wrong and/or lure the Shamrocks into a false sense of security?! Uhhhh...come with me into the blue tent, Coach. There are some nice folks that wanna’ put ya in concussion protocol.
Crappy Game(s) of Da’ Week: How bad is UmA$$?! The Minute Rice (now 0-10) got boiled in da’ bag...at home...45-3 by then 2-7 Norton Illinois on Wednesday night. Up next in this category...Oregon State (2-8, off loss to then-winless Sam Houston State) visits Tulsa (2-7 with a victory vs. FCS Abby-Normal Christian).
As Americans celebrate recent elections, NCAA football officials this be like, “Redistricting? B*tches, please.”
Nick Saban has now been featured in TV ads for AFLAC, VRBO, Regions Bank and The Home Depot. Gotta’ wonder if Coach is gettin’ NIL funds in addition to his College GameDay gig.
In the aftermath of the Raiders’ Thursday night 10-7 dud at Denver, which saw QB Geno Smith toss his league-high 12th interception, he’s in contact with his alma mater West Virginia to determine if he has any college eligibility left!
After years of holding offseason practices elsewhere, the Las Vegas Raiders returned this year, for the first time since 2019, to conduct them in Napa Valley, California. The vineyards served as dual-purpose sites, not only for the standard lower body nimbleness drills, but also for mashing grapes in supporting local businesses!
Donald Trump has pardoned Darryl Strawberry of charges related to drugs and tax evasion. The 62-year-old multi-time All-Star outfielder and second leading career home-run hitter for the ballclub is reportedly being sought for a return to the NY Mets following the team’s epic collapse in September!
Accosted after slyly stuffing Alexander Ovechkin’s 900th goal puck into his pants, St. Louis Blues netminder Jordan Binnington smacked the offending referee with his blocker, dropped the gloves and goaded the official into exchanging blows. Drawing a two-minute penalty for roughing, the goalie and zebra were both sent to the sin bin, where the puck was finally retrieved from amongst a plethora of unwrapped frozen Ding Dongs hidden in Binnington’s uniform!
Prior to the onset of this year’s March Madness, Amir Khan, manager of McNeese State (whose #12 Cowboys toppled #5 Clemson) said “If they kept manager stats for rebounding and wiping up wet spots on the court, I’d put up Wilt Chamberlain numbers.” Similarly, if books were tracking individuals’ successful wagers, they’d find Vindy’s putting up Bob Uecker numbers!
This recent college basketball score caught our attention...Lindenwood 116 Health Sciences and Pharmacy in St. Louis 51. We just wanna’ know how one goes about gettin’ a hoops scholarship to such a prestigious institute of higher learning as Rexall U. (And shouldn’t the students spend their time creating designer drugs instead of practicing free-throws?!)
Fer those planning to hack our security surveillance system, a la the Louvre Museum, the password is “Vindy’s Picks”!
Black Shirt: This week’s heavenly halter gets split between two LSU teammates...K Damian Ramos fer blowing a chippie 30-yard FG and TE Bauer Sharp who fumbled at the Bengals’ 24-yard line, leading to a Tide FG, allowing ‘Bama (-10) to eventually win by 11!
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Last Week: 0-1 Season: 4-7 (.363) Iowa held Oregon to a season-low 18 points, suppressing the total below our call of “over 41 ½”.
Shoppe Talk: Peking Duck returns to the Shoppe lunch menu as Oregon falls to 1-3 on the year (1-4, .200 back to last season). We don’t know how to go about stuffing an Aggie, but we’ll figure it out after A&M dropped to 1-2, which is generally under our radar, in ‘25 but 2-6 (.250) since the start of ‘24.
Vindy’s Week 12 Stressed Bets: Last Week: 0-4 (.000) Season: 19-25 (.431)
Air Force +7 over UCONN, ARIZONA STATE –11 ½ over West Virginia, Penn State @ MICHIGAN STATE “under 49 ½”, WESTERN KENTUCKY –14 over Middle Tennessee State
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