JUDGE FLIPS SUSPENSIONS, BOOKIES BACK
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (UPI)…Ticket-writers at Caesar’s Palace returned to work behind the betting counter this week following the successful appeal of suspensions handed-down over the summer by the Gaming Control Board. The bookies had been paid for “whacks” and “cart-offs”, defined as hits on sharp bettors (or casual bettors on a winning streak) that sent them staggering out of the casino, either needing assistance from others or actually carried away on a stretcher. A “bounty ledger” produced by the prosecution revealed the ‘book employees offering “two five-stacks” to co-workers for knocking out targeted gamblers during the annual NCAA men’s basketball tournament and the college bowl season. The reversal is temporary, and the sportsbook manager remains banned from the property for a year under the equivalent of the NCAA’s “lack of institutional control” statute, but the judge ruled the Board did not have the authority to impose the penalties. Meanwhile, investigations continue into allegations that cocktail waitresses, slot-techs, and even keno-runners were also encouraged to participate in the illegal activities.
Your humble narrator correctly anticipated another big week by the ‘dogs (though certainly not the upsets) and went 12-7 on the fortnight (22-14, .611). And just fer da’ record, legal evidence included proof of an offer for “two short stacks of pancakes (with blueberry compote and whipped cream) topped with a pair of bacon strips at IHOP for any hit sending Vindy outta’ the sportsbook” if he was caught trying to place wagers based on…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 3 FORECAST
(Protected this week by the Saints defense)
SAT. SEPT. 15
ARKANSAS (+20) over #1 Alabama: Wow! We’re familiar with “looking past” a team when a bigger game’s on da’ horizon, but…yikes! Actually, we attribute Hogs’ first regular-season SU demise outside their own division in over two-and-a-half seasons to the loss of QB Tyler Wilson. Working for Arkansas backers…Tide is just 16-10 ATS in SEC play the last three years and Western Kentucky held ‘Bama to 103 rushing yards just a week after Tide went for 232 vs. Michigan. (Props to the Hilltoppers, who’ve been ATS-machines, covering 11 of last 12, or were the Red Elephants playin’ possum?). The bad news?...Pigs yielded 412 passing yards (550 total!) in serious-upset loss to UL-Monroe. Bacon Strips were minus-two turnovers in 2011’s 38-14 defeat to ‘Bama. Tide is without #2 rusher and lead-blocker for the year…Tide 33 Pork Chops 19
#2 Southern Cal (-7 ½) over #21 STANFORD: Money’s been comin’ in hot-n-heavy on Stanford and again, we note USC’s been letting opponents stay in it (spread-wise, at least) too long. However, Stanford is young on the O-line and the strong running game we touted earlier in the season for the Cardinal hasn’t materialized nearly as much as we expected, averaging a pedestrian 123 ypg. That won’t cut it vs. most decent teams and the 40-point rout of Duke is tad deceiving if ya consider four turnovers by the Blue Devils. The doggie has taken the money the last four years and Trees haven’t gotten points at home since ’09 (resulting in an outright win over Oregon). Redbirds have won three straight in this series, including 56-48 game in 2011. If Troy is gonna’ prove itself worthy of the preseason hype, covering here would help…Trojans 34 Stanford 24
Idaho (+42) over #3 LSU: Tigers 41 Vandals 6
Tennessee Tech @ #4 OREGON: No line.
#5 Oklahoma: IDLE (next vs. Kansas State)
Wake Forest (+27) over #6 FLORIDA STATE: We end up with egg on our face every time we back the ‘Noles, but we salute them for takin’ care of bidness vs. two FCS squads to the tune of 124-3. Clemson is on-deck for State and the Deacs have actually taken three of last five SU vs. the Tribe. The Forest edged double-A Liberty before upsetting North Carolina. Wake’s been bad road dog. State busted Weeziana-Monroe and Charleston Southern, collectively 96-10, in 2011 before dropping three straight games, including 35-30 loss to these Demon Deacons… FSU 30 Wake Forest 20
Florida Atlantic (+42) over #7 GEORGIA: ‘Dawgs 42 FAU 6
Alabama-Birmingham (+33 ½) over #8 SOUTH CAROLINA: Poultry 37 UAB 10
James Madison @ #9 WEST VIRGINIA: No line.
#10 MICHIGAN STATE (-5) over #20 Notre Dame: QB Golson was effective enough throwing the ball in Catholics’ narrow win over Purdue, while State gave up Central Michigan’s only points in the waning half-minute on an INT-for-TD by the reserve quarterback in 41-7 romp. MSU is revenge-minded after last season’s 31-13 loss. Irish have covered 5 of last 8 vs. the Top 25, but won only two of ‘em outright. Spartans band has been instructed to fire-up Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal” every time the Leprechauns get da’ ball…MSU 27 ND 19
Furman @ #11 CLEMSON: No line.
#12 OHIO STATE (-17) over California: Uh oh! Another 12-PACK/Big Tent-Peg match-up! At least the Buckeyes are hosting this one. Bears have given up 31 in each of their two previous games in 2012…winning one, losing one. Bears have covered 7 of last 8 getting double-digits on the road (though 1-1 in 2011). State comes in on 1-5 ATS skid, having combined with UCF for total of six turnovers in SU win (but spread loss) vs. the Golden Knights. QB Braxton Miller proved himself worthy of carrying the ground game as well, rushing for three touchdowns, drawing comparisons to former Buckeye QB Art Schlicter. Fans (and school officials) hope that’s where the similarities end, given Schlicter’s subsequent NFL bust and life of crime as a compulsive gambling felon… Buckeyes 38 Berkeley 16
#13 Virginia Tech (-10 ½) over PITTSBURGH: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Panthers, who change coaches like we change channels, are go-against until further notice. The instability of four head coaches in just over a year’s time has shown in opening two-score loss to the AA Penguins of Y-town State and a blow-out loss at Cincinnati, in which Pitt scored a meaningless TD with about 90 seconds left to play last Thursday. Pitt features a lot of seniors on offense, but not playin’ like it…Hokies 31 Pitt 10
#14 Texas (-10 ½) over MISSISSIPPI: Texas 35 Old Mist 17
#15 KANSAS STATE (-28 ½) over North Texas: KSU 48 Mean Green 17
KANSAS (+21) over #16 Texas Christian: Not much of gauge to-date for Texas Christian (just nine starters back), with only the 56-nada smoking of Grambling last week in the record book. TCU, an unimpressive away-fave, advances in conference-class (again), but faces arguably the remedial students of said-class. Jayhawks, now being directed by Charlie Weis, have won just a pair of Big 12 match-ups in the last 25 and allowed almost 44 ppg by opponents last season. Birds enter this one off one-point loss to Rice after beating FCS South Dakota State, 31-17 to open the year. Four Horny Toads gridiron players were caught in a drug-sting during the offseason. Considering a movement for random drug-testing at Oregon, perhaps some of the Ducks would consider transferring to…THC-U 34 Kansas 17
Massachusetts (+46) over #17 MICHIGAN: Michigan 51 UMass 9
#18 Florida (+3) over #23 TENNESSEE: The Florida passing game is still in first-gear, but Gators pulled out the win on the strength of the defense. Perhaps Coach Muschamp should let RB Gillislee carry the team this week as well. Vols are favored , but haven’t toppled the Crocs since 2004, losing each of the past three years by an average of a dozen points. Rocky Top is 2-0, having beaten NC State and AA Joja’ State decisively. Derek Dooley helped bring about Tennessee’s new athletic facility, which includes a mixed-martial arts octagon. Vindy’s spies say Dooley’s planning to teach his charges to choke-out opposing players in the pile after the whistle! (Just outta’ curiosity, for the Lord of the Rings fanatics, did anyone else out there see Gollum put Sam in a rear-naked choke early in “The Two Towers”???!!!)…Florida 19 Tennessee 17
#19 LOUISVILLE (-3 ½) over North Carolina: Cardinals 20 UNC 10
Houston (+17) over #22 UCLA: Best guess for “wish I had it back”. Air Keenum is gone and loss to (GASP!) Texas State (+36 ½) led to the resignation of Coogs’ OC. Houston put forth a much better in Week Two, but still lost SU/ATS to Weeziana Tech by a touchdown in a shootout. Improved Bruins squad beat Rice and piled up 653 yards of offense in 36-30 upset of Nebraska, behind RB Franklin’s 217 rushing yards, to go to 2-0 SU/ATS. UH won 38-34 last year. UCLA now 4-1 ATS as DD chalk the past three campaigns…Cubs 42 Coogs 34
SC State @ #24 ARIZONA: No line.
#25 Brigham Young (-4 ½) over UTAH: We watched the Utes’ quarterbacks get hurried, bruised and battered by the Aggies defense in Thursday night 27-20 upset loss to USU, and starter Jordan Wynn is now out for the season. Cougars opened with a pair of easy home wins over Wazzou and Weber State. Utes are 2-1 SU/ATS the past three years in this series, but embarrassed BYU 54-10 on the road last year. Both sides are deep, but we like Riley Nelson to lead BYU to the payback win and cover…BYU 24 Utah 17
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, if we can’t leave the resort under our own power, we’d prefer to exit the building strapped to the top of a hotdog cart!
As a follow-up to last week’s lead story, the Paterno family continues to adamantly deny Joe Pa was obsessed with the Masters of the Universe figure-collection found in his office alongside a 1970’s “Simon” game that only played the famous tone-sequence from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind”!!! (We also have it on good authority that the bronze statue of the coaching legend, reportedly stashed in a safe hiding place on campus, was actually beamed-up by the Mothership and now shares an air-lock with Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa!)
The AP ran a story last week about the exploits of Russian president Vladimir Putin as, among other things, a biker, diver and swimmer. OK, so he’s proven himself as a candidate for the next annual “X-Games”. We just really wanna’ see him snort half-a-pound of wasabi in the next “Jack-Ass” movie! (In all honestly, after the alma mater left 13 points via the kicking-game [four missed FGs and a blocked XP] in a one-point road loss to Virginia, we’d personally serve borscht and doff off our furry Ushanka hat to the Soviet leader if he could split the uprights from 20-35 yards away!) . Geez! Does Sebastian Janikowski or David Akers have any college-eligibility left???!!!
Back in February, Madonna (with Cirque du Soleil) did the halftime show of the Super Bowl. Too bad Tim Tebow and da’ Broncos didn’t make it. The Material Goal…uh…Girl…coulda’ open the show with “Like A Prayer”!
In the midst of the NY Giants’ Super Bowl victory parade, punter Steve Weatherford commandeered a drum from one of the marching band members and kept his own rhythm….then promptly kicked the percussion instrument outta’ bounds inside the Patriots’ 20-yard line!
In June, U.S. Olympic sprinter Justin Gatlin weighed-in on the tie for the Summer Games berth for women’s 100-meters between Allyson Felix and Jeneba Tarmoh, proposing the conundrum be decided via Jell-O or mud-wrestling match. We thought a sudden-death game of “quarters” or “beer-pong” was called-for!
Black Shirt: We hand out a whole box of tees this week to the Gators defense for holding A&M scoreless in the second-half, allowing Florida to rally for the win.
“Locked in a Box?”: Ironically, with all of Vindy’s good fortune picking games thus far, our preferred choices are now 0-2 (.000) as the Merit-Badgers fell outright to the Beavers!
Shoppe Talk: The Trojans of USC (0-2, .000) drop-by to keep West Virginia company, along with the Cowpokes of Oklahoma State (0-1, but now 3-11 in last 14 appearances in the picks!)
Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 5-4 (.555)
Northern Illinois -3 over ARMY, Arizona State +6 ½ over MISSOURI, Virginia +10 ½ over JOJA’ TECH, Ohio -6 ½ over MARSHALL, Utah State +14 over WISCONSIN, Middle Tennessee State -3 ½ over MEMPHIS
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
Vindy's Picks Week 2-2012
JOE PA REALLY “E.T.”?
STATE COLLEGE, Pennsylvania (REUTERS)… Hordes of other-worldly-life-forms aficionados, who normally congregate in places such as Roswell, New Mexico, descended upon Happy Valley this week following the WikiLeaks release of the 44 previously-protected pages from Joe Paterno’s FBI file, which suggested the Penn State legend was actually an alien-being infiltrating the human race. Under the Freedom of Information Act, the federal agency had recently revealed most of the content of the late-coach’s dossier, which basically outlined little more than threats made against the coach by unhappy parents. Visitors to the campus hoped to catch a small glimpse or clue about the college football icon’s extra-terrestrial existence. Other sections of the originally-redacted file indicated he was also a card-carrying Communist, Khloe Kardashian’s real father and a Chick-fil-A shareholder!
If you were scoring at home, you know Vindicator not only opened the season on the right side of the Thursday night Carolina-Vandy game, he also predicted the exact final score of that tilt en route to a 10-7 (.588) record for Week One! Vindy and his entourage were all prohibited from a boarding a flight on a major airline this past Saturday for sporting T-shirts printed with…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 2 FORECAST
(Marginally cuter than Snooki’s baby!)
SAT. SEPT. 8
Western Kentucky (+40) over #1ALABAMA: ‘Bama 44 WKY 7
#2 Southern Cal (-26 ½) over Syracuse (@ Met Life Stadium, NY): In an act of arrogance (or maybe in response to a call from one of da’ Godfatha’s “buffas”), Trojans went fer two…twice…following very early 1st-half touchdowns…missing both and costing Vindy a forecast dubya!!! Nitwit Lion-defector RB Silas Redd hit the end zone on behalf of USC as well. We are seriously-conflicted about ‘dat! ‘Cuse on 0-6 SU/1-7 ATS skid going back to 2011, after suffering bad beat on late-hit penalty that extended Northwestern’s 4th Quarter game-winning drive to lose by 1. Scoring D is still a problem for Orange, who allowed 9 more ppg last year (28) than in the 2010 season and gave up 42 to the Wildcats. On da’ plus-side, ‘Cuse has scored more points in each of the last six seasons and gone 4-2 ATS vs. ranked foes the past three years, including upset shocker over then-#11 West Virginia last October. Snoopy says…USC 48 Orange 16
#3 LSU (-23 ½) over Washington: Bengals 41 Huskies 13
Fresno State (+34 ½) over #4 OREGON: Ducks 48 Fresno State 20
Florida A&M @ #5 OKLAHOMA: No line.
Savannah State @ #6 FLORIDA STATE: No line.
#7 Georgia (-3) over MISSOURI: Joja’ 24 Mizzou 20
Louisiana-Monroe (+30 ½) over #8 ARKANSAS: Defense is still the Achilles’ heel for Arkansas, who gave up 21 first-half points to FCS almost-Top 25 team Jacksonville State. ‘Bama drops-by next week and Pork Chops are just 2-5 ATS in last 7 vs. the Fun Belt. Former Razorbacks coach Bobby Petrino got canned for more than 4300 texts and 300 calls to a mistress half his age. The whole Baylor program got three years’ probation for far fewer inappropriate contacts! BTW, rumor has it the Warhawks will emerge from the tunnel aboard motorcycles driven by their cheerleaders!...Pigs 37 UL-Monroe 13
#9 (tie) West Virginia: IDLE (next vs. James Madison)
East Carolina (+21 ½) over #9 (tie) SOUTH CAROLINA: The Chicken Nuggets were fortunate to leave Nashville with a dubya last week given the injury to QB Connor Shaw and an un-thrown pass interference flag that woulda’ put Vandy in position to close the gap to one, or even score the winning TD in the 4th Quarter. Pirates on are 5-2 ATS run, in third year under Coach Ruffin McNeill and have suffered thru two years-worth of turnovers that killed ‘em. Buckos get the nod….Gamehens 31 ECU 14
#11 Michigan State (-21) over CENTRAL MICHIGAN: MSU 34 CMU 9
#12 CLEMSON (-27 ½) over Ball State: Clemson 38 BSU 3
#13 Wisconsin (-7 ½) over OREGON STATE: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. This is a lotta’ love bein’ given to the Beavers and we think it’s a serious over-reaction to Wisky’s mere five-point victory over FCS club Northern Iowa. Heisman candidate Montee Ball rushed for a buck-thirty-two, but had no touchdowns. State brings back 15 young starters from injury-riddled 2011 season, which included a 35-0 loss at Camp Randall. Beavers’ scoring went down each of the past two years, while allowing more each year over the past five seasons. Badgers have failed to cover 6 of their last 8 games and are poor road faves, but should get it done here…Cheese-Heads 27 OSU 10
Central Florida (+17 ½) over #14 OHIO STATE: Could be the most intriguing match-up of the week. Like the Buckeyes, the Golden Knights will spend the offseason on their sofas courtesy of NCAA penalties (those sanctions are, however, being appealed). Both teams have good defenses and both hung more than a half-century on their respective opponents in the openers. UCF’s backfield includes transfers from Missouri (Blaine Gabbert’s little bro) and Miami. We give the dog a chance…OSU 23 UCF 17
Austin Peay @ #15 VIRGINIA TECH: No line.
#16 Nebraska (-5) over UCLA: Nebraska 30 Bruins 20
New Mexico (+38) over #17 TEXAS: Steers are the other club garnering a few of Vindy’s rubles as one of the medium-range odds teams to take home the crystal trophy. Sophomore David Ash is directing the traffic while the running game is in good shape, averaging 7 yards per carry, with two rushers over 100 yards each vs. Wyoming (which led 9-7 early). There was dancin’ in the streets of Santa Fe following Lobos’ 66-21 victory over FCS team Southern in Bob Davie’s debut at Head Coach. New Mexico matched its win total from a year ago (and equaled the yearly total for each of the past three seasons). Local readers may remember that 2011 win came vs. UNLV, as did Lobos previous season-starting win in 2005. Texas hasn’t beaten anybody by this many since early 2009…’Horns 42 UNM 10
#18 Oklahoma State (-13) over ARIZONA: Officials in Stillwater are still usin’ C-130 military transports to air-drop enough paper towels to pick up what’s left of Savannah State’s football team after the obscene 84-0 beat-down it got. Cowpokes employing freshmen (true or redshirt) at QB and while we don’t expect that kinda’ mismatch here, AZ’s OT win over Toledo…at home…gives us a good idea where the Wildcats’ first year under RichRod is gonna’ go. ‘Cats have covered just 5 of last 22 games overall. We considered this for “lock”…OKSU 38 AZ 20
Air Force (+21) over #19 MICHIGAN: A couple of gift-wrapped INTs put Michigan behind way too early to make a game of it vs. “Bama. Tide rushed at-will, but USAF’s backs and O-linemen won’t be nearly as big and we can just about count the number of Pilots’ returning starters on one hand . Nonetheless, nobody on Big Blue sideline has seen the option. Per the 6/25 ish of ESPN: Da’ Mag, Wolverines players underwent four hours of SEAL training alongside some actual Navy candidates. Demi Moore caught UM coaches’ attention at wide-receiver after telling a Wolverines’ cornerback to “suck…my…stick ‘em!!!”…Big Blue 24 Flyboys 13
Grambling State @ #20 TCU: No line.
#21 KANSAS STATE (-6 ½) over Miami: KSU 38 Hurricanes 27
Purdue (+14 ½) over #22 NOTRE DAME: Irish 29 Boilers 17
Missouri State @ #23 LOUISVILLE: No line.
#24 Florida (+1 ½) over TEXAS A&M: Gators were sloppy vs. decent Bowling Green squad, piling up 14 flags. The multiple-quarterback system got the win for Florida, but not convincingly. The coaching decision to settle on Jeff Driskel at QB should help. Former TAMU starting QB Ryan Tannehill is now suiting up for the Dolphins. We don’t think the initial offensive problems for Florida and road-team status warrants making Aggies the chalk here. A&M hasn’t been a good bet vs. ranked opponents nor in lined openers, and since Weeziana Tech game got postponed due to Mother Nature, this becomes Aggies’ first live-fire contest. Gators can at least make a few adjustments following last week’s outing…Crocs 27 A&M 24
#25 STANFORD (-14) over Duke: Cardinal eked out just 280 yards of total offense while sustaining just one five-yard hankie and zero turnovers, so we gotta’ tip our helmet to San Josie State fer one helluva’ defensive effort. Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com says Trees excel laying points following non-12-PACK game and Dukies suck after popping the scoreboard fer more than 35 (46 vs. Florida Int’l last week). Redbirds do host SoCal next week. Hud Mellencamp, son of John Mellencamp, walked-on and will play defensive back for the Blue Devils this season. Hud was home-schooled and did not play on the prep gridiron, taking up boxing instead. Will tackles “Hurt So Good”? Will pre-game speeches in Durham include “Nobody comes into our ‘little pink houses’ and pushes us around!”??? “Hud”, of course, either stands for “Housing & Urban Development” or…“Halfback Under Duress”!...Birds 31 Devils 13
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, further examination of Joe Pa’s file yielded information that he was also once turned down for a spot as a judge on American Idol. (And the whole “alien” thing would certainly explain the poor win-loss records during the Lions’ leaner years!). A few more thoughts on this topic next week!
Tunes besides Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” now off the Beaver Stadium playlist due to (cough!) “normal rotation”: MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This”, Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” and Ernie’s Sesame Street classic…”Rubber Duckie”!!!!!
Chalk a few up for the little guys: Eastern Washington 20-3 over Idaho, McNeese St 27-21 over Middle Tennessee St, Tennessee-Martin 20-17 over Memphis and Texas State 30-13 over Houston. Also in the “Whachu’ talkin’ ‘bout, Willis???!!!” category: Maryland 7-6 over William & Mary, Wake Forest 20-17 over Liberty, Indiana 24-17 over Indiana St and Wisconsin 26-21 over Northern Iowa! (We do note, however, that EWU, Indy State and Northern Iowa were all in the FCS Top 25 last week! Liberty showed up at #27, W&M at #35 and McNeese St got a single vote at #48.)
Along the same lines…the best team in Pennsylvania last week was…Temple???!! The alma mater fell 24-14 to Ohio and Pitt was beaten 31-17 by AA-squad Youngstown State. The Owls, however, managed to pound AA Villanova 41-10.
With regular officiating crews sidelined by the NFL via lock-out, replacement refs will be calling games, including females. Can’t wait to hear the first coach say they “lost the game to the folks in the striped skirts!” Or at least to the “zee-bras!” Hell hath no fury like a woman-referee scorned!
Can anybody else out there envision seeing Peyton Manning, especially given his new team this season, at the line of scrimmage…going thru his usual pre-snap gyrations, barking audibles…inter-spliced with shots of backs and receivers grabbing their uniforms to prominently display their jersey-digits…in-between clips of Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell bobbing their heads and rotating in unison a la the Night at the Roxbury (“What is Love?”) SNL skit in a music-video mash-up with Carly Rae Jepsen’s current hit “Call Me Maybe”???!!! (Or for those who know a certain former co-worker of your humble host…”Call me, Mabry!?”).
In July, we learned the USOC allowed Team USA garb to be “made in China”! That’s like Buckeyes players suiting-up in unis “made in Meeeeeshigan”!!!! The good news???!!! The outfits, designed by American Ralph Lauren, were sewn in world-record time by Chinese kids…six-and-under!!!! After that revelation, there was a call to burn those duds. What really hurt, though, was the suggestion that copies of Vindy’s Picks be used as kindling!!!!!
Immediately following disclosure of Prince Harry’s Vegas adventures last month, the Queen Mum petitioned the IOC to make strip-billiards an official Olympic medal-sport!
Black Shirt: The initial highly-coveted ebony-tee for the best performance, or “performance”, aiding Vindy’s cause, of the 2012 season goes to…the officiating crew-member that missed the pass interference penalty by a South Carolina defender in the 4th quarter of the Vandy game, allowing our narrator to hit the exact final score!
“Locked in a Box?”: We open the year a disappointing 0-1 on Lock of Da’ Week picks as the Stanford Cardinal, laying almost four scores, needed a late FG to edge San Jose State!
Shoppe Talk: The Mounted Ears of West Virginia (0-1, .000) officially open Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe this year, posting their 9th forecast “L” in their last dozen appearances in da’ Picks!
Vindy’s Week 2 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-2 Season: 3-2 (.600)
BOWLING GREEN -16 over Idaho, Toledo +3 ½ over WYOMING, Iowa State +3 over IOWA, Vanderbilt -3 ½ over NORTHWESTERN
Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to the Oval Office to knock a few back with the Commander-in-Chief! (“Honey Beerer don’t care???!!”)
STATE COLLEGE, Pennsylvania (REUTERS)… Hordes of other-worldly-life-forms aficionados, who normally congregate in places such as Roswell, New Mexico, descended upon Happy Valley this week following the WikiLeaks release of the 44 previously-protected pages from Joe Paterno’s FBI file, which suggested the Penn State legend was actually an alien-being infiltrating the human race. Under the Freedom of Information Act, the federal agency had recently revealed most of the content of the late-coach’s dossier, which basically outlined little more than threats made against the coach by unhappy parents. Visitors to the campus hoped to catch a small glimpse or clue about the college football icon’s extra-terrestrial existence. Other sections of the originally-redacted file indicated he was also a card-carrying Communist, Khloe Kardashian’s real father and a Chick-fil-A shareholder!
If you were scoring at home, you know Vindicator not only opened the season on the right side of the Thursday night Carolina-Vandy game, he also predicted the exact final score of that tilt en route to a 10-7 (.588) record for Week One! Vindy and his entourage were all prohibited from a boarding a flight on a major airline this past Saturday for sporting T-shirts printed with…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 2 FORECAST
(Marginally cuter than Snooki’s baby!)
SAT. SEPT. 8
Western Kentucky (+40) over #1ALABAMA: ‘Bama 44 WKY 7
#2 Southern Cal (-26 ½) over Syracuse (@ Met Life Stadium, NY): In an act of arrogance (or maybe in response to a call from one of da’ Godfatha’s “buffas”), Trojans went fer two…twice…following very early 1st-half touchdowns…missing both and costing Vindy a forecast dubya!!! Nitwit Lion-defector RB Silas Redd hit the end zone on behalf of USC as well. We are seriously-conflicted about ‘dat! ‘Cuse on 0-6 SU/1-7 ATS skid going back to 2011, after suffering bad beat on late-hit penalty that extended Northwestern’s 4th Quarter game-winning drive to lose by 1. Scoring D is still a problem for Orange, who allowed 9 more ppg last year (28) than in the 2010 season and gave up 42 to the Wildcats. On da’ plus-side, ‘Cuse has scored more points in each of the last six seasons and gone 4-2 ATS vs. ranked foes the past three years, including upset shocker over then-#11 West Virginia last October. Snoopy says…USC 48 Orange 16
#3 LSU (-23 ½) over Washington: Bengals 41 Huskies 13
Fresno State (+34 ½) over #4 OREGON: Ducks 48 Fresno State 20
Florida A&M @ #5 OKLAHOMA: No line.
Savannah State @ #6 FLORIDA STATE: No line.
#7 Georgia (-3) over MISSOURI: Joja’ 24 Mizzou 20
Louisiana-Monroe (+30 ½) over #8 ARKANSAS: Defense is still the Achilles’ heel for Arkansas, who gave up 21 first-half points to FCS almost-Top 25 team Jacksonville State. ‘Bama drops-by next week and Pork Chops are just 2-5 ATS in last 7 vs. the Fun Belt. Former Razorbacks coach Bobby Petrino got canned for more than 4300 texts and 300 calls to a mistress half his age. The whole Baylor program got three years’ probation for far fewer inappropriate contacts! BTW, rumor has it the Warhawks will emerge from the tunnel aboard motorcycles driven by their cheerleaders!...Pigs 37 UL-Monroe 13
#9 (tie) West Virginia: IDLE (next vs. James Madison)
East Carolina (+21 ½) over #9 (tie) SOUTH CAROLINA: The Chicken Nuggets were fortunate to leave Nashville with a dubya last week given the injury to QB Connor Shaw and an un-thrown pass interference flag that woulda’ put Vandy in position to close the gap to one, or even score the winning TD in the 4th Quarter. Pirates on are 5-2 ATS run, in third year under Coach Ruffin McNeill and have suffered thru two years-worth of turnovers that killed ‘em. Buckos get the nod….Gamehens 31 ECU 14
#11 Michigan State (-21) over CENTRAL MICHIGAN: MSU 34 CMU 9
#12 CLEMSON (-27 ½) over Ball State: Clemson 38 BSU 3
#13 Wisconsin (-7 ½) over OREGON STATE: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. This is a lotta’ love bein’ given to the Beavers and we think it’s a serious over-reaction to Wisky’s mere five-point victory over FCS club Northern Iowa. Heisman candidate Montee Ball rushed for a buck-thirty-two, but had no touchdowns. State brings back 15 young starters from injury-riddled 2011 season, which included a 35-0 loss at Camp Randall. Beavers’ scoring went down each of the past two years, while allowing more each year over the past five seasons. Badgers have failed to cover 6 of their last 8 games and are poor road faves, but should get it done here…Cheese-Heads 27 OSU 10
Central Florida (+17 ½) over #14 OHIO STATE: Could be the most intriguing match-up of the week. Like the Buckeyes, the Golden Knights will spend the offseason on their sofas courtesy of NCAA penalties (those sanctions are, however, being appealed). Both teams have good defenses and both hung more than a half-century on their respective opponents in the openers. UCF’s backfield includes transfers from Missouri (Blaine Gabbert’s little bro) and Miami. We give the dog a chance…OSU 23 UCF 17
Austin Peay @ #15 VIRGINIA TECH: No line.
#16 Nebraska (-5) over UCLA: Nebraska 30 Bruins 20
New Mexico (+38) over #17 TEXAS: Steers are the other club garnering a few of Vindy’s rubles as one of the medium-range odds teams to take home the crystal trophy. Sophomore David Ash is directing the traffic while the running game is in good shape, averaging 7 yards per carry, with two rushers over 100 yards each vs. Wyoming (which led 9-7 early). There was dancin’ in the streets of Santa Fe following Lobos’ 66-21 victory over FCS team Southern in Bob Davie’s debut at Head Coach. New Mexico matched its win total from a year ago (and equaled the yearly total for each of the past three seasons). Local readers may remember that 2011 win came vs. UNLV, as did Lobos previous season-starting win in 2005. Texas hasn’t beaten anybody by this many since early 2009…’Horns 42 UNM 10
#18 Oklahoma State (-13) over ARIZONA: Officials in Stillwater are still usin’ C-130 military transports to air-drop enough paper towels to pick up what’s left of Savannah State’s football team after the obscene 84-0 beat-down it got. Cowpokes employing freshmen (true or redshirt) at QB and while we don’t expect that kinda’ mismatch here, AZ’s OT win over Toledo…at home…gives us a good idea where the Wildcats’ first year under RichRod is gonna’ go. ‘Cats have covered just 5 of last 22 games overall. We considered this for “lock”…OKSU 38 AZ 20
Air Force (+21) over #19 MICHIGAN: A couple of gift-wrapped INTs put Michigan behind way too early to make a game of it vs. “Bama. Tide rushed at-will, but USAF’s backs and O-linemen won’t be nearly as big and we can just about count the number of Pilots’ returning starters on one hand . Nonetheless, nobody on Big Blue sideline has seen the option. Per the 6/25 ish of ESPN: Da’ Mag, Wolverines players underwent four hours of SEAL training alongside some actual Navy candidates. Demi Moore caught UM coaches’ attention at wide-receiver after telling a Wolverines’ cornerback to “suck…my…stick ‘em!!!”…Big Blue 24 Flyboys 13
Grambling State @ #20 TCU: No line.
#21 KANSAS STATE (-6 ½) over Miami: KSU 38 Hurricanes 27
Purdue (+14 ½) over #22 NOTRE DAME: Irish 29 Boilers 17
Missouri State @ #23 LOUISVILLE: No line.
#24 Florida (+1 ½) over TEXAS A&M: Gators were sloppy vs. decent Bowling Green squad, piling up 14 flags. The multiple-quarterback system got the win for Florida, but not convincingly. The coaching decision to settle on Jeff Driskel at QB should help. Former TAMU starting QB Ryan Tannehill is now suiting up for the Dolphins. We don’t think the initial offensive problems for Florida and road-team status warrants making Aggies the chalk here. A&M hasn’t been a good bet vs. ranked opponents nor in lined openers, and since Weeziana Tech game got postponed due to Mother Nature, this becomes Aggies’ first live-fire contest. Gators can at least make a few adjustments following last week’s outing…Crocs 27 A&M 24
#25 STANFORD (-14) over Duke: Cardinal eked out just 280 yards of total offense while sustaining just one five-yard hankie and zero turnovers, so we gotta’ tip our helmet to San Josie State fer one helluva’ defensive effort. Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com says Trees excel laying points following non-12-PACK game and Dukies suck after popping the scoreboard fer more than 35 (46 vs. Florida Int’l last week). Redbirds do host SoCal next week. Hud Mellencamp, son of John Mellencamp, walked-on and will play defensive back for the Blue Devils this season. Hud was home-schooled and did not play on the prep gridiron, taking up boxing instead. Will tackles “Hurt So Good”? Will pre-game speeches in Durham include “Nobody comes into our ‘little pink houses’ and pushes us around!”??? “Hud”, of course, either stands for “Housing & Urban Development” or…“Halfback Under Duress”!...Birds 31 Devils 13
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, further examination of Joe Pa’s file yielded information that he was also once turned down for a spot as a judge on American Idol. (And the whole “alien” thing would certainly explain the poor win-loss records during the Lions’ leaner years!). A few more thoughts on this topic next week!
Tunes besides Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” now off the Beaver Stadium playlist due to (cough!) “normal rotation”: MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This”, Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” and Ernie’s Sesame Street classic…”Rubber Duckie”!!!!!
Chalk a few up for the little guys: Eastern Washington 20-3 over Idaho, McNeese St 27-21 over Middle Tennessee St, Tennessee-Martin 20-17 over Memphis and Texas State 30-13 over Houston. Also in the “Whachu’ talkin’ ‘bout, Willis???!!!” category: Maryland 7-6 over William & Mary, Wake Forest 20-17 over Liberty, Indiana 24-17 over Indiana St and Wisconsin 26-21 over Northern Iowa! (We do note, however, that EWU, Indy State and Northern Iowa were all in the FCS Top 25 last week! Liberty showed up at #27, W&M at #35 and McNeese St got a single vote at #48.)
Along the same lines…the best team in Pennsylvania last week was…Temple???!! The alma mater fell 24-14 to Ohio and Pitt was beaten 31-17 by AA-squad Youngstown State. The Owls, however, managed to pound AA Villanova 41-10.
With regular officiating crews sidelined by the NFL via lock-out, replacement refs will be calling games, including females. Can’t wait to hear the first coach say they “lost the game to the folks in the striped skirts!” Or at least to the “zee-bras!” Hell hath no fury like a woman-referee scorned!
Can anybody else out there envision seeing Peyton Manning, especially given his new team this season, at the line of scrimmage…going thru his usual pre-snap gyrations, barking audibles…inter-spliced with shots of backs and receivers grabbing their uniforms to prominently display their jersey-digits…in-between clips of Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell bobbing their heads and rotating in unison a la the Night at the Roxbury (“What is Love?”) SNL skit in a music-video mash-up with Carly Rae Jepsen’s current hit “Call Me Maybe”???!!! (Or for those who know a certain former co-worker of your humble host…”Call me, Mabry!?”).
In July, we learned the USOC allowed Team USA garb to be “made in China”! That’s like Buckeyes players suiting-up in unis “made in Meeeeeshigan”!!!! The good news???!!! The outfits, designed by American Ralph Lauren, were sewn in world-record time by Chinese kids…six-and-under!!!! After that revelation, there was a call to burn those duds. What really hurt, though, was the suggestion that copies of Vindy’s Picks be used as kindling!!!!!
Immediately following disclosure of Prince Harry’s Vegas adventures last month, the Queen Mum petitioned the IOC to make strip-billiards an official Olympic medal-sport!
Black Shirt: The initial highly-coveted ebony-tee for the best performance, or “performance”, aiding Vindy’s cause, of the 2012 season goes to…the officiating crew-member that missed the pass interference penalty by a South Carolina defender in the 4th quarter of the Vandy game, allowing our narrator to hit the exact final score!
“Locked in a Box?”: We open the year a disappointing 0-1 on Lock of Da’ Week picks as the Stanford Cardinal, laying almost four scores, needed a late FG to edge San Jose State!
Shoppe Talk: The Mounted Ears of West Virginia (0-1, .000) officially open Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe this year, posting their 9th forecast “L” in their last dozen appearances in da’ Picks!
Vindy’s Week 2 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-2 Season: 3-2 (.600)
BOWLING GREEN -16 over Idaho, Toledo +3 ½ over WYOMING, Iowa State +3 over IOWA, Vanderbilt -3 ½ over NORTHWESTERN
Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to the Oval Office to knock a few back with the Commander-in-Chief! (“Honey Beerer don’t care???!!”)
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Vindy's Picks Week 1-2012
WORLD’S FASTEST MAN TO PLAY FOR SEC…BRIEFLY
ARLINGTON, Texas (CNN)…A preseason guarantee of a Super Bowl victory or a National Championship is one thing. Claiming you can defeat a world-class sprinter in the 40-yard dash is something else entirely. Nonetheless, boisterous Michigan quarterback Denard Robinson recently did just that. In response, Olympian speedster Usain Bolt, in conjunction with Alabama, has received permission from the NCAA to represent the Crimson Tide for one play during the season-opener for both teams. The officiating crew will forgo the traditional coin-toss and will instead invoke a modified version of a rule from the XFL, in which Robinson and Bolt will line-up 40 yards deep on either side of the ball and race to midfield. The individual getting there first and securing the pigskin will have the choice to receive or defer until the second half. Always happy to mug for the camera, even his own, the Jamaican native and multi-time gold-medalist channeled a decades-old tourism ad for his island nation, quipping, “Make it Alahbahma, make it ‘cher home!” then struck the Heisman Trophy pose!
After an offseason spent throwing badminton matches to manipulate pairings in an effort to set-up an all-Madagascar women’s gold-medal final, Vindicator breaks da’ huddle with his 2012 Pre-Season Forecasting Strategy Team of… 2012 Miss America Laura Kaeppeler, “Jake… from State Farm” (BTW…she’s “hideous”), M.I.A., sports arbitrator Shyam Das; We Go, the Bud Light rescue-dog; Sandra Fluke, Saints assistant coach Gregg Williams, former space scientist Stewart Nozette, former JetBlue pilot Clayton Osbon, Razorbacks’ mistress Jessica Dorrell, the Secret Service-Columbia Detail, the Stub-Hub Ticket-Oak, papal butler Paolo Gabriele, “Magic Mike”, G4S chief Nick Buckles, bullied NY bus monitor Karen Klein, and “Flying Squirrel” Gabby Douglas to reveal…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 1 FORECAST
(Still better than having “a grandson with a dog-collar”)
THURS. AUG. 30 VANDERBILT(+7) over #9 South Carolina: Gamecocks return offensive-stalwarts Connor Shaw at QB and RB Marcus Lattimore, who went down to injury last season, but the Commodores made nice strides on both sides of the ball and got to the postseason under now-second-year head coach James Franklin. Vandy boasts Packers’ Aaron Rodgers’ younger sib, Jordan, under center, four straight season-opening covers (though not vs. the caliber of Carolina) and a straight-up record showing five of last seven outright defeats by 7 or less. Could be an upset, but we’ll conservatively say the Ol’ Ball Coach finds a way to grab a close win on the road…Poultry 17 Admirals 13
FRI. AUG. 31 #24 Boise State (+7) over #13 MICHIGAN STATE: Broncos ain’t been doggies since September 2008, when they toppled Oregon…getting double-digits…on da’ Pond!! First true road game to open a season for Boise since 2005. It also occurs under the “Blue moon”, which happens to be the frequency with which Boise hangs a game in the loss column! Key components on offense, Kellen Moore and Doug Martin, have left the building. Nonetheless, we have to assume program-success has enabled Chris Petersen to recruit quality players. Spartans, off an 11-win (SU) campaign, get new faces on offense, but return most of the starting D and have a boatload of lettermen. MSU has been a crapshoot vs. non-Big Tenuous squads and fields a new triggerman following Kirk Cousins departure. Best guess here might be the “under”…Sparta 19 Boise 17
#21 STANFORD (-25 ½) over San Jose State: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Spartans showed promise last season, going 5-7 SU on heels of 3-22 tally over the previous two years, but San Josie had 18 starters back for that journey and have just 11 this time around. Cardinal enters the Luck-less era, but still boasts monster ground game. Look for the Spartans to improve in conference play, but Stanford waxed ‘em 57-3 in 2011 and they’re still simply out-gunned here…Trees 42 SJSU 7
SAT. SEPT. 1 #1 USC (-39 ½) over Hawaii: ‘Bows, under new coach Norm Chow, get a tough start at the Coliseum against a Trojans squad that has shed the probation shackles. Troy hasn’t been a great September team though, barely squeaking past Minnesota 19-17 last year and letting these same Warriors hang around in a shootout two seasons ago, both spread-losses. The starting line-up looks good, but USC could be a few injuries away from “uh-oh!”. UH enters the campaign with a new QB and very few returnees on defense…USC 54 UH 14
#8 Michigan (+12 ½) over #2 Alabama (@ Jerry’s World, TX): Only LSU, in its first iteration vs. ‘Bama, stayed closer than 16 points to the Tide at the final gun last year and ‘Bama will just re-load on defense after significant losses to the NFL. Wolverines have been good bet as a non-conference dog, but the last SEC opponent they faced, Mississippi State in 2010, blasted Big Blue to the tune of 52-14. UM may be playing with a handicap in the backfield as starting RB Fitzgerald Toussaint could sit out following an offseason drunk-driving incident. Tide has a new OC and not much time for the new D to gel, maybe giving Denard Robinson an opportunity to dent the scoreboard enough…Elephants 20 Big Blue 13
#3 LSU (-43) over North Texas: With five outright victories last year under new coach Dan McCarney, Mean Green had one fewer total wins than it had in the previous four seasons combined. North Texas has covered four straight vs. BCS opponents, including the 41-0 loss at ‘Bama in 2011. Tigers should flex some muscle to open the year after the offense was a no-show in the national title game, but they’ll do so without Tyrann Mathieu, who was asked to take his skills elsewhere after reportedly showing up hot on a drug test. Honey Badger don’t play, but we’ll call it…LSU 51 North Texas 3
#4 Oklahoma (-31) over TEXAS-EL PASO: Sooners 42 UTEP 6
Arkansas State (+35 ½) over #5 OREGON: Mallards 51 ASU 20
#6 GEORGIA (-37 ½) over Buffalo: Joja’ 45 Buffalo 0
Murray State @ #7 FLORIDA STATE: No line.
Jacksonville State @ #10 ARKANSAS: No line.
Marshall (+24 ½) over #11 WEST VIRGINIA: Mountaineers 34 Herd 17
Northern Iowa @ #12 WISCONSIN: No line.
#14 Clemson (-3) over Auburn (@ Atlanta, GA): The ACC’s top air game in 2011 will be minus top-receiver Sammy Watkins for two games in wake of yet-another offseason drug arrest. Clemson carries 1-5 ATS skid into this year and has not been good when the final margin is under 7, nor facing non-ACC teams. Aubie not good in non-conference games or when games are close either, but does benefit from having 16 starters back after having just six last year. Auburn is, however, young on the O-line and will be without its suspended starting center. Clemson would like to get the taste out of its mouth of the 70-33 loss it suffered in the bowl vs. West Virginia. CU is one of two semi-longshot teams that got some of Vindy’s pesos to win the 2013 BCS Title game…Clemson 27 War Eagle 20 Wyoming (+29) over #15 TEXAS: Steers 34 Cowboys 10
#17 NEBRASKA (-20) over Southern Miss: Corn Cobs 40 Eagles 19 (Best guess for “Wish I Had it Back” pick)
#18 OHIO STATE (-22 ½) over Miami-Ohio: The problems in State College, PA make the “jerseys for jalopies” scandal in Columbus look like playground shenanigans. However, the Buckeyes will sit-out the upcoming post-season as the result of subsequent minor rules violations. Redhawks have upped their scoring by 12 ppg from three years ago and covered four of last nine tilts facing BCS clubs, including 17-6 loss to Missouri this time last season, but were throttled by same bunch of Tigers in 2010 and have been belted by the likes of Big Least’s Cincinnati since 2009. State coming off its first ATS losing season since 2003, as the scoring D regressed a full TD per game and the offense slipping 15 ppg. New coach Urban Meyer won’t tolerate that….OSU 39 Miami-Oh, My 13
Savannah State @ #19 OKLAHOMA STATE: No line. #20 TCU: IDLE (next vs. Grambling State)
Missouri State @ #22 KANSAS STATE: No line.
Bowling Green (+29) over #23 FLORIDA: Gators 34 Bee Gees 10
SUN. SEPT. 2 #25 LOUISVILLE (-14) over Kentucky: ‘Cats are in third year under Joker Phillips but took major losses to the D, which lowered points-against last year by 3 ppg. The KY offense has nowhere to go but up after dropping production by 15 points a contest, despite a mere 24-17 loss to Da’ Ville. Cards are the fave to grab the Big Least crown, have covered 10 of last 14 lined games and haven’t been ranked since early 2007. Louisville must, however, do a better job of keeping the QB clean, yielding 41 sacks last season, and is still young on that side of the ball… Louisville 29 KY 10
MON. SEPT. 3 Georgia Tech (+7) over #16 VIRGINIA TECH: Another very early conference pairing. Bees have been lousy 4-10-2 ATS in ACC play the past two seasons, but are getting some early voter love, standing just a few spots outside the rankings themselves, and return a veteran offensive line, as well as senior QB Washington. ‘Jackets had covered three straight years vs. the Hokies until 2011’s 36-27 defeat. While the passing game gets little more than a moment of prayer by Joja’ Tech, 5 of the 13 sacks allowed last year came against VT. Hokies didn’t cover well in conference last season either and bring back just 3 on offense, while fielding 9 of last year’s defensive regulars. As always, Ramblin’ Wreck will use one of the country’s best ground games to chew-up the clock, so “under” the total might be best wager, but we think the Hive can stay close too as both offenses struggle early…VT 19 GT 16
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, in order to give Robinson a puncher’s chance, he will run in nothing more than shorts and a T-shirt, while Bolt will don pads and helmet, a deployed drag-chute and a harness attached a tire!
With our place in Hell for the afterlife already secured long-before this offseason, we’ll comment here on the recently-revealed scandal that has shaken the foundations of the alma mater then move on…we are saddened for the victims and their families, as well as for the innocent parties at the school and in the community who will pay a high-price for something in which they were not involved after, apparently, at least one individual in then-Happy Valley put a little too much stock in the federal education program known as…No Child’s Behind Left.
And now back to our regularly-scheduled programming… A couple seasons ago, we noted that from 1993-2008, at least two teams unranked in the AP preseason poll finished in the Top 10 of the final AP that year. In 2009, only Cincinnati did so and in 2010, only Stanford did so. 2011 saw no qualifiers (honorable mention, however, to Michigan, which made the jump from #38 preseason to #12 in the final poll. (Kudos to Northern Illinois for jumping 13 spots from #41 to #28). We’re still not convinced that AP voters got smarter, so…your mission…should ya choose to accept it…is to figure out which squad(s) will surprise in a big way!
The folks at Wunderdog Sports Picks noted that teams winning 8 or more games the previous year and opening the subsequent season layin’ points on the road cover the line at about 59% or a little shy of 6 outta’ 10 (99-69). Four squads fit the criteria this week…South Carolina (won 11 SU in 2011, -7 at Vandy), Oklahoma (won 10, -31 at UTEP), Rutgers (won 9, -20 at Tulane) and Tulsa (won 8, -1 ½ at Iowa State). You have our choices on three of da’ four (see “best bets” below).
Aforementioned Commodores head coach James Franklin was kidding (?) when he quipped that he doesn’t hire assistants without first sneaking a peek at their wives to determine if they look like “D1 recruits”! We’re guessin’ potential scholarship-players’ girlfriends get the once-over as well!
Vindy read his fortune-cookie today, which revealed his “lucky numbers” as: 6, 17, 29, 40, 38 and 48. Ironically, these correspond to the Boise State Broncos’ expected margins-of-victory through their first six games of the Mountain West conference season!
This Spring, The Ohio State University copped to nearly fitty minor violations across 21 sports in the 12 months after Jim Tressel waved good-bye to the school. Among the noted boo-boos…gridiron assistant coach Mike Vrabel usin’ chaw on the sidelines and the women’s hockey squad layin’ out….GASP!...four more Washingtons than allowed to buy five framed jerseys! The horror…the horror!
Local Sin City officials are contemplating a name-change for McCarran Airport. We think “Vindicator International Plane-Lot and Sportsbook” has a nice ring to it, don’t you????!!!!
When you watch cable, you listen to talking-heads on ESPN make game-day predictions. When you listen to talking-heads on ESPN make game-day predictions, you make bets on those choices with your bookie. When you make bets on those choices with your bookie, you get your clock cleaned. When you get your clock cleaned, you decide to randomly-select your own wagers. When you decide randomly-select your own wagers, you throw darts in the sportsbook while blind-folded. When you throw darts in the sportsbook while blind-folded, you miss the betting board. When you miss the betting board, you accidentally puncture the cocktail-server’s breast-implants. Don’t accidentally puncture the cocktail-server’s breast-implants. Get rid of cable. Upgrade to Vindy’s Picks.
Shoppe Talk: We’ll devote our attention to better results from 2011 season “flame-throwers”: Virginia Tech (2-11 in 2011 [including post-season], Michigan State (2-8) and West Virginia (3-8). And the following “watch” teams are on notice: Oklahoma State (3-10), Clemson (3-8), Texas A&M (3-8 [who was somehow missed by our statistician last year]), Ohio State (2-7), Joja Teck (2-7) and Wisconsin (4-9)!
Vindy’s Week 1 Best Bets: Last Week: 0-0 Last Season: 36-34-1 (.514, including da’ bowls)
Unlv +8 ½ over MINNESOTA, Navy +16 ½ over #Notre Dame (@ Dublin), OHIO +6 over Penn State, Rutgers -20 over TULANE, Northern Illinois +10 over Iowa (@ Chicago)
On-deck…more Olympics, additional off-season silliness and a few thoughts as we welcome… the NFL!!!
ARLINGTON, Texas (CNN)…A preseason guarantee of a Super Bowl victory or a National Championship is one thing. Claiming you can defeat a world-class sprinter in the 40-yard dash is something else entirely. Nonetheless, boisterous Michigan quarterback Denard Robinson recently did just that. In response, Olympian speedster Usain Bolt, in conjunction with Alabama, has received permission from the NCAA to represent the Crimson Tide for one play during the season-opener for both teams. The officiating crew will forgo the traditional coin-toss and will instead invoke a modified version of a rule from the XFL, in which Robinson and Bolt will line-up 40 yards deep on either side of the ball and race to midfield. The individual getting there first and securing the pigskin will have the choice to receive or defer until the second half. Always happy to mug for the camera, even his own, the Jamaican native and multi-time gold-medalist channeled a decades-old tourism ad for his island nation, quipping, “Make it Alahbahma, make it ‘cher home!” then struck the Heisman Trophy pose!
After an offseason spent throwing badminton matches to manipulate pairings in an effort to set-up an all-Madagascar women’s gold-medal final, Vindicator breaks da’ huddle with his 2012 Pre-Season Forecasting Strategy Team of… 2012 Miss America Laura Kaeppeler, “Jake… from State Farm” (BTW…she’s “hideous”), M.I.A., sports arbitrator Shyam Das; We Go, the Bud Light rescue-dog; Sandra Fluke, Saints assistant coach Gregg Williams, former space scientist Stewart Nozette, former JetBlue pilot Clayton Osbon, Razorbacks’ mistress Jessica Dorrell, the Secret Service-Columbia Detail, the Stub-Hub Ticket-Oak, papal butler Paolo Gabriele, “Magic Mike”, G4S chief Nick Buckles, bullied NY bus monitor Karen Klein, and “Flying Squirrel” Gabby Douglas to reveal…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 WEEK 1 FORECAST
(Still better than having “a grandson with a dog-collar”)
THURS. AUG. 30 VANDERBILT(+7) over #9 South Carolina: Gamecocks return offensive-stalwarts Connor Shaw at QB and RB Marcus Lattimore, who went down to injury last season, but the Commodores made nice strides on both sides of the ball and got to the postseason under now-second-year head coach James Franklin. Vandy boasts Packers’ Aaron Rodgers’ younger sib, Jordan, under center, four straight season-opening covers (though not vs. the caliber of Carolina) and a straight-up record showing five of last seven outright defeats by 7 or less. Could be an upset, but we’ll conservatively say the Ol’ Ball Coach finds a way to grab a close win on the road…Poultry 17 Admirals 13
FRI. AUG. 31 #24 Boise State (+7) over #13 MICHIGAN STATE: Broncos ain’t been doggies since September 2008, when they toppled Oregon…getting double-digits…on da’ Pond!! First true road game to open a season for Boise since 2005. It also occurs under the “Blue moon”, which happens to be the frequency with which Boise hangs a game in the loss column! Key components on offense, Kellen Moore and Doug Martin, have left the building. Nonetheless, we have to assume program-success has enabled Chris Petersen to recruit quality players. Spartans, off an 11-win (SU) campaign, get new faces on offense, but return most of the starting D and have a boatload of lettermen. MSU has been a crapshoot vs. non-Big Tenuous squads and fields a new triggerman following Kirk Cousins departure. Best guess here might be the “under”…Sparta 19 Boise 17
#21 STANFORD (-25 ½) over San Jose State: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Spartans showed promise last season, going 5-7 SU on heels of 3-22 tally over the previous two years, but San Josie had 18 starters back for that journey and have just 11 this time around. Cardinal enters the Luck-less era, but still boasts monster ground game. Look for the Spartans to improve in conference play, but Stanford waxed ‘em 57-3 in 2011 and they’re still simply out-gunned here…Trees 42 SJSU 7
SAT. SEPT. 1 #1 USC (-39 ½) over Hawaii: ‘Bows, under new coach Norm Chow, get a tough start at the Coliseum against a Trojans squad that has shed the probation shackles. Troy hasn’t been a great September team though, barely squeaking past Minnesota 19-17 last year and letting these same Warriors hang around in a shootout two seasons ago, both spread-losses. The starting line-up looks good, but USC could be a few injuries away from “uh-oh!”. UH enters the campaign with a new QB and very few returnees on defense…USC 54 UH 14
#8 Michigan (+12 ½) over #2 Alabama (@ Jerry’s World, TX): Only LSU, in its first iteration vs. ‘Bama, stayed closer than 16 points to the Tide at the final gun last year and ‘Bama will just re-load on defense after significant losses to the NFL. Wolverines have been good bet as a non-conference dog, but the last SEC opponent they faced, Mississippi State in 2010, blasted Big Blue to the tune of 52-14. UM may be playing with a handicap in the backfield as starting RB Fitzgerald Toussaint could sit out following an offseason drunk-driving incident. Tide has a new OC and not much time for the new D to gel, maybe giving Denard Robinson an opportunity to dent the scoreboard enough…Elephants 20 Big Blue 13
#3 LSU (-43) over North Texas: With five outright victories last year under new coach Dan McCarney, Mean Green had one fewer total wins than it had in the previous four seasons combined. North Texas has covered four straight vs. BCS opponents, including the 41-0 loss at ‘Bama in 2011. Tigers should flex some muscle to open the year after the offense was a no-show in the national title game, but they’ll do so without Tyrann Mathieu, who was asked to take his skills elsewhere after reportedly showing up hot on a drug test. Honey Badger don’t play, but we’ll call it…LSU 51 North Texas 3
#4 Oklahoma (-31) over TEXAS-EL PASO: Sooners 42 UTEP 6
Arkansas State (+35 ½) over #5 OREGON: Mallards 51 ASU 20
#6 GEORGIA (-37 ½) over Buffalo: Joja’ 45 Buffalo 0
Murray State @ #7 FLORIDA STATE: No line.
Jacksonville State @ #10 ARKANSAS: No line.
Marshall (+24 ½) over #11 WEST VIRGINIA: Mountaineers 34 Herd 17
Northern Iowa @ #12 WISCONSIN: No line.
#14 Clemson (-3) over Auburn (@ Atlanta, GA): The ACC’s top air game in 2011 will be minus top-receiver Sammy Watkins for two games in wake of yet-another offseason drug arrest. Clemson carries 1-5 ATS skid into this year and has not been good when the final margin is under 7, nor facing non-ACC teams. Aubie not good in non-conference games or when games are close either, but does benefit from having 16 starters back after having just six last year. Auburn is, however, young on the O-line and will be without its suspended starting center. Clemson would like to get the taste out of its mouth of the 70-33 loss it suffered in the bowl vs. West Virginia. CU is one of two semi-longshot teams that got some of Vindy’s pesos to win the 2013 BCS Title game…Clemson 27 War Eagle 20 Wyoming (+29) over #15 TEXAS: Steers 34 Cowboys 10
#17 NEBRASKA (-20) over Southern Miss: Corn Cobs 40 Eagles 19 (Best guess for “Wish I Had it Back” pick)
#18 OHIO STATE (-22 ½) over Miami-Ohio: The problems in State College, PA make the “jerseys for jalopies” scandal in Columbus look like playground shenanigans. However, the Buckeyes will sit-out the upcoming post-season as the result of subsequent minor rules violations. Redhawks have upped their scoring by 12 ppg from three years ago and covered four of last nine tilts facing BCS clubs, including 17-6 loss to Missouri this time last season, but were throttled by same bunch of Tigers in 2010 and have been belted by the likes of Big Least’s Cincinnati since 2009. State coming off its first ATS losing season since 2003, as the scoring D regressed a full TD per game and the offense slipping 15 ppg. New coach Urban Meyer won’t tolerate that….OSU 39 Miami-Oh, My 13
Savannah State @ #19 OKLAHOMA STATE: No line. #20 TCU: IDLE (next vs. Grambling State)
Missouri State @ #22 KANSAS STATE: No line.
Bowling Green (+29) over #23 FLORIDA: Gators 34 Bee Gees 10
SUN. SEPT. 2 #25 LOUISVILLE (-14) over Kentucky: ‘Cats are in third year under Joker Phillips but took major losses to the D, which lowered points-against last year by 3 ppg. The KY offense has nowhere to go but up after dropping production by 15 points a contest, despite a mere 24-17 loss to Da’ Ville. Cards are the fave to grab the Big Least crown, have covered 10 of last 14 lined games and haven’t been ranked since early 2007. Louisville must, however, do a better job of keeping the QB clean, yielding 41 sacks last season, and is still young on that side of the ball… Louisville 29 KY 10
MON. SEPT. 3 Georgia Tech (+7) over #16 VIRGINIA TECH: Another very early conference pairing. Bees have been lousy 4-10-2 ATS in ACC play the past two seasons, but are getting some early voter love, standing just a few spots outside the rankings themselves, and return a veteran offensive line, as well as senior QB Washington. ‘Jackets had covered three straight years vs. the Hokies until 2011’s 36-27 defeat. While the passing game gets little more than a moment of prayer by Joja’ Tech, 5 of the 13 sacks allowed last year came against VT. Hokies didn’t cover well in conference last season either and bring back just 3 on offense, while fielding 9 of last year’s defensive regulars. As always, Ramblin’ Wreck will use one of the country’s best ground games to chew-up the clock, so “under” the total might be best wager, but we think the Hive can stay close too as both offenses struggle early…VT 19 GT 16
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, in order to give Robinson a puncher’s chance, he will run in nothing more than shorts and a T-shirt, while Bolt will don pads and helmet, a deployed drag-chute and a harness attached a tire!
With our place in Hell for the afterlife already secured long-before this offseason, we’ll comment here on the recently-revealed scandal that has shaken the foundations of the alma mater then move on…we are saddened for the victims and their families, as well as for the innocent parties at the school and in the community who will pay a high-price for something in which they were not involved after, apparently, at least one individual in then-Happy Valley put a little too much stock in the federal education program known as…No Child’s Behind Left.
And now back to our regularly-scheduled programming… A couple seasons ago, we noted that from 1993-2008, at least two teams unranked in the AP preseason poll finished in the Top 10 of the final AP that year. In 2009, only Cincinnati did so and in 2010, only Stanford did so. 2011 saw no qualifiers (honorable mention, however, to Michigan, which made the jump from #38 preseason to #12 in the final poll. (Kudos to Northern Illinois for jumping 13 spots from #41 to #28). We’re still not convinced that AP voters got smarter, so…your mission…should ya choose to accept it…is to figure out which squad(s) will surprise in a big way!
The folks at Wunderdog Sports Picks noted that teams winning 8 or more games the previous year and opening the subsequent season layin’ points on the road cover the line at about 59% or a little shy of 6 outta’ 10 (99-69). Four squads fit the criteria this week…South Carolina (won 11 SU in 2011, -7 at Vandy), Oklahoma (won 10, -31 at UTEP), Rutgers (won 9, -20 at Tulane) and Tulsa (won 8, -1 ½ at Iowa State). You have our choices on three of da’ four (see “best bets” below).
Aforementioned Commodores head coach James Franklin was kidding (?) when he quipped that he doesn’t hire assistants without first sneaking a peek at their wives to determine if they look like “D1 recruits”! We’re guessin’ potential scholarship-players’ girlfriends get the once-over as well!
Vindy read his fortune-cookie today, which revealed his “lucky numbers” as: 6, 17, 29, 40, 38 and 48. Ironically, these correspond to the Boise State Broncos’ expected margins-of-victory through their first six games of the Mountain West conference season!
This Spring, The Ohio State University copped to nearly fitty minor violations across 21 sports in the 12 months after Jim Tressel waved good-bye to the school. Among the noted boo-boos…gridiron assistant coach Mike Vrabel usin’ chaw on the sidelines and the women’s hockey squad layin’ out….GASP!...four more Washingtons than allowed to buy five framed jerseys! The horror…the horror!
Local Sin City officials are contemplating a name-change for McCarran Airport. We think “Vindicator International Plane-Lot and Sportsbook” has a nice ring to it, don’t you????!!!!
When you watch cable, you listen to talking-heads on ESPN make game-day predictions. When you listen to talking-heads on ESPN make game-day predictions, you make bets on those choices with your bookie. When you make bets on those choices with your bookie, you get your clock cleaned. When you get your clock cleaned, you decide to randomly-select your own wagers. When you decide randomly-select your own wagers, you throw darts in the sportsbook while blind-folded. When you throw darts in the sportsbook while blind-folded, you miss the betting board. When you miss the betting board, you accidentally puncture the cocktail-server’s breast-implants. Don’t accidentally puncture the cocktail-server’s breast-implants. Get rid of cable. Upgrade to Vindy’s Picks.
Shoppe Talk: We’ll devote our attention to better results from 2011 season “flame-throwers”: Virginia Tech (2-11 in 2011 [including post-season], Michigan State (2-8) and West Virginia (3-8). And the following “watch” teams are on notice: Oklahoma State (3-10), Clemson (3-8), Texas A&M (3-8 [who was somehow missed by our statistician last year]), Ohio State (2-7), Joja Teck (2-7) and Wisconsin (4-9)!
Vindy’s Week 1 Best Bets: Last Week: 0-0 Last Season: 36-34-1 (.514, including da’ bowls)
Unlv +8 ½ over MINNESOTA, Navy +16 ½ over #Notre Dame (@ Dublin), OHIO +6 over Penn State, Rutgers -20 over TULANE, Northern Illinois +10 over Iowa (@ Chicago)
On-deck…more Olympics, additional off-season silliness and a few thoughts as we welcome… the NFL!!!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Vindy's 2011-12 Bowl Recap
BILLIONAIRE TAKES SPORTS, POLITICS INTO OWN HANDS
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (BBC)…Clearly empowered by his expressed (though later withdrawn) desire to moderate a GOP debate and deeming himself worthy of officiating a BCS bowl, Donald Trump was immediately recognized by fans in the stands and TV viewers as the person wearing the referee’s uniform while the JumboTron at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome broadcast the opening coin-toss of the college football national title game on Monday. As penalties occurred, the brash celeb reportedly offered coaches the option of having flagged players “fired” rather than taking the yardage. Eagle-eyed viewers also noted the officiating crew was down a man to start the 3rd Quarter, as the back judge was dismissed during a “board meeting” held at halftime after having a call on the field reversed upon further video review.
In a related story, Vindicator quickly produced a full New York birth certificate proving US citizenship to quiet a “birthers” movement revived by Trump, who asked whether or not Vindy deserved admission to Delaware State, Penn State and Richmond after learning, from undisclosed sources, the Weber Kid was a poor student. Journalists continue to question the timing of the birth certificate release, but Vin noted during a press conference that he didn’t “have time for this silliness” and implored the media…and the nation…to focus on more important issues facing the country, such as who would win the 2012 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.
A British spy agency hacked into an al-Qaida E-zine this past summer and swapped bomb-making instructions with cupcake recipes. In related news, Vindicator finally got past Martha Stewart’s firewall and replaced her holiday fruitcake guide with…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011-12 BOWL RECAP
(Striving to “make Peggy sad”)
At the outset of the bowl season, Vindy’s “ready” was better than the bookie’s “ready”. A promising 6-2 start had our hero doin’ the State Farm “discount double-check” all the way to the cashier’s cage, but Vindicator spent two minutes in the penalty box for skidding short of the bookie’s net and giving him a snow-shower (and was immediately confronted on the subsequent shift by the bookie’s enforcer!). In retaliation, the picks were sent on a 3-12 death spiral that saw the floundering forecaster end 2011 at 9-14. 2012 looked good for a few brief moments as Vindy opened the new year 3-0, but suffered a subsequent 1-6 setback, including our second straight “lock of da’ bowls” loss by K-State. Vindy then finished with a 2-0 flurry (something we’ll build upon for next season), getting a nifty comeback win by Northern Illinois in the GoDaddy and correctly calling ‘Bama’s national title game victory to bring the bowl campaign to a merciful finish with a career-low 15-20 (.428) tally. We did nominally better against the totals, going a profitable 19-16 (.542). Favorites took 20 of the contests, while ‘dogs covered 14 (winning 9 outright), with one pick ‘em (Iowa State-Rutgers). Points this post-season came at a premium as well, with 20 of the games finishing “under” the total. Vindy’s post-season award or “award” winners (Weber-Friendlies and Flame-Throwers) actually provided four prediction wins in six tries, but all five “we’ll be watchin’” squads (Ohio State, Joja’ Tech, Okie State, Wisky and Clemson) all smacked the Weber Kid upside the head again!
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, late in the national title game, an inadvertent flag hit the ground. However, after confirming with each other, the officiating crew decided “there was no foul on the play” and simply picked up Trump’s toupee off the field.
Vindy’s spies noted it was actually Mitt Romney presiding over the aforementioned board meeting because, as the GOP presidential-hopeful told the Nashua (New Hampshire) Chamber of Commerce, he likes to “being able fire people” too!
Actor and current Allstate spokesman Dennis Haysbert oversaw the opening coin-toss of the LSU-‘Bama game. The presence of the former President David Palmer from 24 also meant Jack Bauer was somewhere inside the Superdome, feverishly seeking out a bomb that would level the stadium if he couldn’t disarm it as time expired!
Speaking of presidents, Barack Obama helped the Dallas Mavericks celebrate their NBA Title in the nation’s capitol this week. Remembering that Dirk Nowitzki crooned Queen’s “We Are the Champions” following their championship run, the Commander-in-Chief reportedly led the White House staff in a rousing version of Bohemian Rhapsody to mark the occasion!
The Duchess of Cambridge, AKA Mrs. Prince William, reportedly disappointed the royal subjects by celebrating her 30th birthday on January 9th in a “low-key” manner. Come to think of it, we seem to remember spotting the former Kate Middleton in the end zone seats during the BCS Title game…wearing a Tide jersey!
Also BTW, TSA at McCarron Airport confiscated a red velvet cupcake last month because the frosting violated standards for gel. Anybody else out there contemplating the remake of a classic SNL skit…”It’s a cupcake frosting …it’s a plastic explosive…it’s both!”????
Over the holidays, Vindy went to a nice seafood restaurant and inquired about that day’s market-price on the…long-snapper!
Vindicator replaced his rear-view and side-view mirrors with some of the reflective helmets worn by the Oregon Ducks at this year’s Rose Bowl!
We recently caught a headline reading, “Stephen King to Pay for Mainers’ Oil”. With Vindy’s obvious sports-related frame-of-reference, he thought the article-title proclaimed, “Stephen King to Pay for Mariners’ Oil” and thought maybe the Master of the Macabre and author of “The Girl Who Loved (Boston Red Sox pitcher) Tom Gordon”, might be planning to pen a sequel called, “The Girl Who Loved Ichiro”!!!!!
6-ft, 8-inch Mikhail Prokhorov, owner of the NBA’s New Jersey Nyets…um…Nets… is challenging Vladimir Putin in Russia’s March presidential election. If the race is close at the end, it could come down to Putin’s ability to extend the contest by fouling and sending Prokhorov to the charity stripe to shoot free-throws!
Elle Nordegren just demolished a $12M home she purchased after divorcing Tiger Woods. Neighbors say, the model, armed with a driver and a bucket of Top Flights, shot six-under-par while taking out all the windows before giving way to the bulldozers, which then turned the mansion into little more than a sand-trap!
Director Spike Lee plans to hit the Silver Screen again as “Mookie”. Strange…we don’t remember him portraying the former NY Mets centerfielder Mookie Wilson the first time!
We’ve all heard about the conspiracy called “Suck for Luck”. But what about NFL squads who might’ve lost intentionally because they really want Baylor’s quarterback instead?! Can you say, “Whiffin’ for Griffin”???!!!
Vindy took notice of an ad in the Las Vegas Review-Journal hawking “BFG Chicken Strips”. The promo-in-question said “’BFG’ stands for baked, fried or grilled”. We’re thinkin’ in South Carolina, that abbreviation represents “Big Freakin’ Gamecocks”!!!!
In order to save money, the Presidential Coin Act of 2005, which required the minting of four new coins featuring dead presidents each year from 2007-2016, got the boot in December. In a similar move, the NCAA dispensed with the individualized ceremonial currency for each post-season game and used old ones emblazoned with team logos and helmets of the British and the Colonists!
After securing the Sugar Bowl trophy for the Wolverines with his foot in overtime, Michigan kicker Brendan Gibbons said, “Every time we were like struggling in kicking, coach tells me to think about girls on a beach or brunette girls.” Well…that would certainly explain the bikini and brownish wig the Michigan holder was wearing at the time of the game-winning FG! (BTW, we prefer blondes… and if ya tape a poster of Meg Ryan, Melissa-Joan Hart, Alison Sweeney or Alicia Silverstone to the goalposts, Vindy’s splitting the uprights from 50-plus!!!)
The Texas Supreme Court recently put the kibosh on the Lone Star State’s plans to draw up new electoral maps. Apparently, they’re still to tryin’ to work-out the logistics of including TCU, San Diego State and other teams associated with what is about to become the Big East-of-the Pacific-Ocean Conference for voting purposes!
Data used to close post offices around the country has come under fire. Vindy had similar concerns about the BCS Poll all season and supports a USPS playoff system to determine which offices get shuttered and which ones remain open each year!
This year’s field of 68 is already being determined by the 14 Democratic legislators from Wisconsin, who bolted from America’s Dairyland last February and holed-up in an Illinois hotel temporarily to start the selection! The process will eventually, however, be turned over to…the congressional Supercommittee (which will also conduct April’s NFL Draft!)
The North Koreans attributed a “mysterious glow atop a revered mountain”, a sheet of lake ice cracking with a thunderous sound and a crane drooping its head in sorrow after circling a statue of the country’s founder to the passing of Kim Jong Il. Oddly, all three of those events were also part of the laundry-list of things the Cincinnati Bengals needed to happen in order to make the playoffs! Even stranger, Vindy pre-arranged an unexplained aura around the Stratosphere hotel & casino, the Bellagio fountains freezing over and a pigeon circling Oscar Goodman, himself, before wetting its beak in the former mayor’s martini glass, had he completed his three-team parlay, but K-State’s 13-point loss negated prior covers by Weeziana Tech and Houston!
Speaking of which, “Dear Leader” was not only a term of affection and respect, but also reflected Kim Jong Il’s status at the top of nearly all statistical categories for the country in football, including passing yards, rushing yards, touchdowns, field-goals, even sacks and tackles-for-loss! How did this guy ever miss getting on the Big Boards for the NFL Draft???!!! Maybe he bombed the Wonderlic…literally! The national media even went so far as to alter a photo of his funeral procession to avoid revealing the North Korean army actually had too many men on the field at one point!
In one of his first official actions as the new head coach at Penn State, Bill O’Brien recruited two kids…named “Brady” and “Vinatieri”!
Black Shirt: We’re handin’ out multiple ebony undergarments this post-season to…Ohio U. QB Tyler Tettleton for the 1-yard TD plunge with 13 seconds left to give the Bobblecats the minor upset over Utah State, Ragin’ Cajun kicker Brett Baer for a successful fitty-yard FG as time expired to validate our upset pick of ULL-Lafayette over SDSU and QB EJ Manuel for rallying FSU (-3) from a 2nd half two-touchdown hole to win by 4.
“Locked in a Box?”: Iowa State got whacked by Rutgers to lower the season tally to 7-8 (.467) and posting back-to-back “Lock of da’ Bowls” losses, as noted above, for the Sin City Soothsayer!
Shoppe Talk: Grill-Master awardee Michigan State and Suckin’ Place winner Virginia Tech posted forecast dubyas, while only Dishonorable Mention West Virginia dropped us again! All five teams in “watch” status Ohio State, Joja’ Teck, Oklahoma State, Wisconsin and Clemson), however, hit us below the (Sun) belt!
Vindy’s Bowls Best Bets: Part II: 2-2 Bowls: 4-3 Season: 36-34-1 (.514)
LEFTOVER HASH (Yes, we know it’s redundant. Vindicator now conducts the annual “emptying of the clip” and expends all the stuff he had in the arsenal throughout the season that didn’t previously find its way into the forecast…until now.)
In exchange for the right to remain licensed and among its BCS bowl brethren, the Fiesta agreed to fork over $1M in fines and be audited once a year. (Oh…and…the Penn State athletic director in charge of the BCS oversight committee brokered an automatic bid to the game for the Nifty Lions for each of the next four years, regardless of the team’s win-loss record!
If Meineke can sponsor a “Car Care Bowl”, why can’t Head & Shoulders back a “Hair Care Bowl”??? Do I hear the American Greetings “Care Bear Bowl”???!!!
On the big screen…as part of a military project to conquer the BCS, George Clooney and company, armed with no more than intense gazes, succeed in knocking over parade entries during pre-game festivities for the Rose, Fiesta, Orange and Sugar Bowls in…”The Men Who Stare at Floats”!
The BCS selected not just one, but multiple possible dates for its big games in anticipation of scheduling conflicts with a revamped NFL schedule as the result of the lockout. Apparently, FBS now stands for “Flexible Bowl Schedule” or “Forgiving Bowl Scandals”!!! Or BCS stands for “Bendable Championship Schedule”!
On Lifetime…family matriarchs are filmed while battling obsessed coaches who teach their toddlers to perform obnoxious touchdown celebrations in “End Zone Dance Moms”!
Is it just Vindy or does anybody else out there who’s seen him think Boise State QB recruit Nick Patti looks like Adrian Brody???!!!!
Instead of usual band, Boise State scripted its first 15 plays of the Las Vegas Bowl on a writeable Bud Light label strapped to QB Kellen Moore’s wrist!
In an act of defiance, Reggie Bush had his 2005 Heisman Trophy sent to his parents, who immediately welded the highly-coveted hardware to one of Terrell Pryor’s cars as a nifty hood-ornament!
In August, Georgetown’s hoops team brawled on the hardwood with the Chinese squad during a “friendly” in Beijing. Chinese reps later caught up to the Hoyas at airport to reconcile and exchange souvenirs, but we look forward to more fireworks should the two clubs meet again in the Sweet 16 of this year’s Big Dance!
In each of the four days prior to the January 2011 San Diego State/BYU hoops game, Provo’s Daily Herald printed one of four sections, which when joined together, formed a life-size likeness of Jimmer Fredette. As an added bonus, the reverse side of the completed poster showed a life-size replica of...the Vegas Vindicator!
Hawaii’s gridiron team was accused of point-shaving in its outright loss to UNLV. As 18-point chalk, a 17-point win is point-shaving. Accounting for teaser-bets, a 10 win is point-shaving. A 20-point defeat to arguably one of the worst teams in D-I football is not point-shaving! Lack of focus, maybe. Poor execution, for sure. But definitely not point-shaving!
Jockey Calvin Borel was picked up last August by the Louisville PD for DWI. Guess that explains why he hugged the rail during his 2009 Kentucky Derby victory! He was tryin’ stay on the horse!
Pakistan spy agency, Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI), got heat for not stopping the U.S. raid that that took out Osama Bin Laden. The organization, however, is no stranger to such criticism and has been the scapegoat for...the 1980 “Miracle on Ice” and the Best Picture Oscar that went to The English Patient. It also got blame for the antler-like hat worn by Princess Beatrice to the 2011 royal nuptials…and for scandals at Ohio State, Penn State and Miami.
The “Leftovers” column of an edition of the Las Vegas Review-Journal noted the creation of a Lingerie Basketball League and queried, “What next, Lingerie Lacrosse?”. We’d like to see Lingerie Curling! Women in skimpy French maid outfits “sweeping” along the ice! Or maybe Lingerie Jai-Alai!?? Sweet!!!!
Celebrity-boxing promoter Damon Feldman won his breach-of-contract lawsuit vs. Jose Canseco, who apparently had twin-brother Ozzie secretly take his place in a March fight. Queue up the Patti Duke Show theme song?...”They walk alike, they talk alike…sometimes they even box alike?!” BTW, Vindy has an evil twin, who’s responsible for all his forecast losses…the Sin City Scintillator (whom we’re blaming for the whole 2011 Vindy’s Picks season fiasco!)
A former Colorado Rockies 1B and current minor-leaguer was the first player to get the temporary boot from a game for using PEDs. Anybody else see the irony in this happening to a guy who’s home park was one in which Howdy Doody woulda’ hit home runs on a regular basis???!!!
MLB manager Bobby Valentine claimed to have invented the “wrap” lunch item. Al Gore is refuting that assertion, claiming instead, that he himself was the founder of that sandwich!
Former Indiana Pacer Samaki Walker was temporarily booked after police found marijuana, prescription pills and steroids in his vehicle. Walker said the steroids are legal in Syria, where he plays basketball. Narcotics charges were eventually dropped. Meanwhile, attorneys and agents for Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds and the North Korean women’s World Cup soccer team are backdating contracts to show their clients were actually playing for ball-clubs in Syria at the times of their investigations. And BTW, anyone who’s traveled to that nation knows weed is used frequently as an appetizer!
New Mexico football player Deshon Marman was asked to debark an airplane after repeatedly refusing to pull up his pants. No charges were filed, but the defensive back spent the rest of the season “goin’ Greyhound” to all the Lobos away games!
Members from both sides of the NFL lockout held secret meetings in June about the issues. Those gatherings woulda’ been more-clandestine had everybody not worn a jersey with the number “007” on it. In fact, there were reported sightings of James Bond, Lancelot Link, Secret Squirrel, Mata Hari and Maxwell Smart at the undisclosed location!
Linebacker Desmond Howard got stuck hanging out solo on the Green Bay Packers bus while the rest of the team got to meet President Obama as a reward for winning last season’s Super Bowl because he didn’t remember to bring his ID. Not to worry. Tareq and Michaele Salahi were more than happy to take his place.
On the big screen....”Cloudy With a Chance of Long Balls!”
Also on the big screen…a teenage Brett Favre struggles to deal with his newfound super-powers while being hunted by aliens ahead of their invasion of Earth in...”I Am Number Four”.
One more time on the big screen….an animated flick based on the daily journal kept by our fab forecaster during his milquetoast childhood in…”Diary of a Vindy Kid”!
On the concert circuit…ex-football team underlings form a musical group and hit it big as…Waterboyz 2 Men!
Terrell Pryor’s body art featuring the same Dodge Ram logo that graces the taillights of said-company’s trucks was a definite clue for investigators lookin’ into the allegations of inappropriate benefits.
Recently-released travel records and credit card statements revealed part of ex-Ohio State coach Jim Tressel’s “punishment” for sitting on information about his players’ shenanigans too long was mandatory attendance at a June seminar on “Division I Major Infractions”. Our agenda for that Tampa, Florida event shows that specified session sandwiched between “How to Make Lotsa’ Money Without Really Trying” and a presentation on timeshares in Key West.
Zappos.com busts out “naked models doing everyday things” with carefully-covered nudity in a July ad campaign. Show us a nearly-nude model placing wagers at the sportsbook and we’ll flash the plastic to buy whatever they’re sellin’…everytime!
Fergie revealed her thoughts about being denied an invite to WillKat’s regal knot-tying. Hey…after that less-than-inspiring rendition of Tonight’s Gonna’ Be A Good Night at last February’s Super Bowl halftime gig, we woulda’ passed her up for the nuptials too! (Oh wait…wrong Fergie! Our bad!)
Attorneys sued big companies in California on behalf of cashiers who don’t have seats available to them. Great. Can’t wait to see this one hit Vegas. “Objection, your honor. We think it’s unfair for bookies to cash winning tickets when they have to stand on their feet all day!” By golly, no self-respecting Walmart cashier should be without a reclining, swivel-chair at their check-out counter, especially during the holidays!
American Wagering Inc. was purchased in April by a major British sports betting company. Great...now Vindy’s gotta’ figure out how to convert spreads and money lines to the metric system! “Uhhh...gimme four pounds six pence on Elton John over George Michael on the moneyline!?”
If a former Olympic track medalist returns the one ring to Mount Doom, would it be...Flo Jo Baggins???!!!
Forget “Rate Tate’s chicken”!!! Domino’s Pizza boxes now offer the opportunity to “Rate Tay’s Chicken” or “Rate Vindy’s Picks’!”
“Can switching to GEICO really save you 15% or more on car insurance? Was Charles Barkley honest? Would Mike Tyson make a really bad book narrator??!!”
Here’s a sound-bite we wanna’ hear from the 2012 Scripps National Spelling Bee…Judge: “Draft.” Contestant: “Draft…D-R-A-U-G-H-T…’draft’” Judge: “BZZZT! WRONG-O!!! In yo’ face! Grab some pine, you little egghead!!!!!!!
Atlantic City now employs lingerie-wearing blackjack dealers and beverage-servers in bustiers and fishnets. Ho-hum. We here in Sin City already got scantily-clad dancers/dealers. However, we could seriously use some hot ticket-writers who also bust a move between counter gigs. Would give a whole new meanin’ to “spreads”.
Starting this month, the NCAA legislative committee will entertain a proposal by the Big Least that schools be allowed to provide spreads (such as butter, peanut butter, jelly, cream cheese, etc.) with the unadorned bagels they can give to potential recruits. Presently, said accoutrements are only legally-available to the institutions’ own student-athletes. “Dude…here’s your plain bagel….but if ya sign with *us*….the sky’s the limit on spreads!” We foresee the “Bagel Bowl”, with tubs of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” as swag (or sponsor!). How ‘bout sushi with mustard or wasabi? Coke with rum????!!!!
NIKE donated $400K to Penn State’s libraries in honor of JoePa’s 400th victory....and merely asked to have the swoosh logo placed on each building and bookshelf in exchange!
The North Korean women’s World Cup soccer team claimed the opening 2-0 loss to Team USA was due to its players being struck by lightning during a practice session. Well…that settles it…Thor is clearly not havin’ any of that rogue-nation-Communist crappola on the pitch!
During the preseason, Steve Spurrier voluntarily got handcuffed to make a point to his Gamecocks players....and still managed to throw his visor to ground!
Coming this winter…to an arena near you....“Vindy’s Picks On Ice”.
Vindy before being scrapped in the final selections in April, made the elite “royal wedding guest list” for Kate and Prince William...somewhere between George Michael and Scary Spice!
JC Penney yanked a controversial female garment from its website after consumers whined about the T-shirt, which sports the motto, “I’m too pretty to do my homework so my brother has to do it for me.”. That didn’t deter us from purchasing the one that proclaims, “Vindy’s too purty to place his wagers, so his bookie has to do it for him!”
Until August, Sportsfans…we leave you with our traditional Irish blessing…”May the road ‘dog rise up to beat you.” (Somethin’ like that!)
Air Forecast One has gone “wheels up”!
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (BBC)…Clearly empowered by his expressed (though later withdrawn) desire to moderate a GOP debate and deeming himself worthy of officiating a BCS bowl, Donald Trump was immediately recognized by fans in the stands and TV viewers as the person wearing the referee’s uniform while the JumboTron at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome broadcast the opening coin-toss of the college football national title game on Monday. As penalties occurred, the brash celeb reportedly offered coaches the option of having flagged players “fired” rather than taking the yardage. Eagle-eyed viewers also noted the officiating crew was down a man to start the 3rd Quarter, as the back judge was dismissed during a “board meeting” held at halftime after having a call on the field reversed upon further video review.
In a related story, Vindicator quickly produced a full New York birth certificate proving US citizenship to quiet a “birthers” movement revived by Trump, who asked whether or not Vindy deserved admission to Delaware State, Penn State and Richmond after learning, from undisclosed sources, the Weber Kid was a poor student. Journalists continue to question the timing of the birth certificate release, but Vin noted during a press conference that he didn’t “have time for this silliness” and implored the media…and the nation…to focus on more important issues facing the country, such as who would win the 2012 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.
A British spy agency hacked into an al-Qaida E-zine this past summer and swapped bomb-making instructions with cupcake recipes. In related news, Vindicator finally got past Martha Stewart’s firewall and replaced her holiday fruitcake guide with…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011-12 BOWL RECAP
(Striving to “make Peggy sad”)
At the outset of the bowl season, Vindy’s “ready” was better than the bookie’s “ready”. A promising 6-2 start had our hero doin’ the State Farm “discount double-check” all the way to the cashier’s cage, but Vindicator spent two minutes in the penalty box for skidding short of the bookie’s net and giving him a snow-shower (and was immediately confronted on the subsequent shift by the bookie’s enforcer!). In retaliation, the picks were sent on a 3-12 death spiral that saw the floundering forecaster end 2011 at 9-14. 2012 looked good for a few brief moments as Vindy opened the new year 3-0, but suffered a subsequent 1-6 setback, including our second straight “lock of da’ bowls” loss by K-State. Vindy then finished with a 2-0 flurry (something we’ll build upon for next season), getting a nifty comeback win by Northern Illinois in the GoDaddy and correctly calling ‘Bama’s national title game victory to bring the bowl campaign to a merciful finish with a career-low 15-20 (.428) tally. We did nominally better against the totals, going a profitable 19-16 (.542). Favorites took 20 of the contests, while ‘dogs covered 14 (winning 9 outright), with one pick ‘em (Iowa State-Rutgers). Points this post-season came at a premium as well, with 20 of the games finishing “under” the total. Vindy’s post-season award or “award” winners (Weber-Friendlies and Flame-Throwers) actually provided four prediction wins in six tries, but all five “we’ll be watchin’” squads (Ohio State, Joja’ Tech, Okie State, Wisky and Clemson) all smacked the Weber Kid upside the head again!
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, late in the national title game, an inadvertent flag hit the ground. However, after confirming with each other, the officiating crew decided “there was no foul on the play” and simply picked up Trump’s toupee off the field.
Vindy’s spies noted it was actually Mitt Romney presiding over the aforementioned board meeting because, as the GOP presidential-hopeful told the Nashua (New Hampshire) Chamber of Commerce, he likes to “being able fire people” too!
Actor and current Allstate spokesman Dennis Haysbert oversaw the opening coin-toss of the LSU-‘Bama game. The presence of the former President David Palmer from 24 also meant Jack Bauer was somewhere inside the Superdome, feverishly seeking out a bomb that would level the stadium if he couldn’t disarm it as time expired!
Speaking of presidents, Barack Obama helped the Dallas Mavericks celebrate their NBA Title in the nation’s capitol this week. Remembering that Dirk Nowitzki crooned Queen’s “We Are the Champions” following their championship run, the Commander-in-Chief reportedly led the White House staff in a rousing version of Bohemian Rhapsody to mark the occasion!
The Duchess of Cambridge, AKA Mrs. Prince William, reportedly disappointed the royal subjects by celebrating her 30th birthday on January 9th in a “low-key” manner. Come to think of it, we seem to remember spotting the former Kate Middleton in the end zone seats during the BCS Title game…wearing a Tide jersey!
Also BTW, TSA at McCarron Airport confiscated a red velvet cupcake last month because the frosting violated standards for gel. Anybody else out there contemplating the remake of a classic SNL skit…”It’s a cupcake frosting …it’s a plastic explosive…it’s both!”????
Over the holidays, Vindy went to a nice seafood restaurant and inquired about that day’s market-price on the…long-snapper!
Vindicator replaced his rear-view and side-view mirrors with some of the reflective helmets worn by the Oregon Ducks at this year’s Rose Bowl!
We recently caught a headline reading, “Stephen King to Pay for Mainers’ Oil”. With Vindy’s obvious sports-related frame-of-reference, he thought the article-title proclaimed, “Stephen King to Pay for Mariners’ Oil” and thought maybe the Master of the Macabre and author of “The Girl Who Loved (Boston Red Sox pitcher) Tom Gordon”, might be planning to pen a sequel called, “The Girl Who Loved Ichiro”!!!!!
6-ft, 8-inch Mikhail Prokhorov, owner of the NBA’s New Jersey Nyets…um…Nets… is challenging Vladimir Putin in Russia’s March presidential election. If the race is close at the end, it could come down to Putin’s ability to extend the contest by fouling and sending Prokhorov to the charity stripe to shoot free-throws!
Elle Nordegren just demolished a $12M home she purchased after divorcing Tiger Woods. Neighbors say, the model, armed with a driver and a bucket of Top Flights, shot six-under-par while taking out all the windows before giving way to the bulldozers, which then turned the mansion into little more than a sand-trap!
Director Spike Lee plans to hit the Silver Screen again as “Mookie”. Strange…we don’t remember him portraying the former NY Mets centerfielder Mookie Wilson the first time!
We’ve all heard about the conspiracy called “Suck for Luck”. But what about NFL squads who might’ve lost intentionally because they really want Baylor’s quarterback instead?! Can you say, “Whiffin’ for Griffin”???!!!
Vindy took notice of an ad in the Las Vegas Review-Journal hawking “BFG Chicken Strips”. The promo-in-question said “’BFG’ stands for baked, fried or grilled”. We’re thinkin’ in South Carolina, that abbreviation represents “Big Freakin’ Gamecocks”!!!!
In order to save money, the Presidential Coin Act of 2005, which required the minting of four new coins featuring dead presidents each year from 2007-2016, got the boot in December. In a similar move, the NCAA dispensed with the individualized ceremonial currency for each post-season game and used old ones emblazoned with team logos and helmets of the British and the Colonists!
After securing the Sugar Bowl trophy for the Wolverines with his foot in overtime, Michigan kicker Brendan Gibbons said, “Every time we were like struggling in kicking, coach tells me to think about girls on a beach or brunette girls.” Well…that would certainly explain the bikini and brownish wig the Michigan holder was wearing at the time of the game-winning FG! (BTW, we prefer blondes… and if ya tape a poster of Meg Ryan, Melissa-Joan Hart, Alison Sweeney or Alicia Silverstone to the goalposts, Vindy’s splitting the uprights from 50-plus!!!)
The Texas Supreme Court recently put the kibosh on the Lone Star State’s plans to draw up new electoral maps. Apparently, they’re still to tryin’ to work-out the logistics of including TCU, San Diego State and other teams associated with what is about to become the Big East-of-the Pacific-Ocean Conference for voting purposes!
Data used to close post offices around the country has come under fire. Vindy had similar concerns about the BCS Poll all season and supports a USPS playoff system to determine which offices get shuttered and which ones remain open each year!
This year’s field of 68 is already being determined by the 14 Democratic legislators from Wisconsin, who bolted from America’s Dairyland last February and holed-up in an Illinois hotel temporarily to start the selection! The process will eventually, however, be turned over to…the congressional Supercommittee (which will also conduct April’s NFL Draft!)
The North Koreans attributed a “mysterious glow atop a revered mountain”, a sheet of lake ice cracking with a thunderous sound and a crane drooping its head in sorrow after circling a statue of the country’s founder to the passing of Kim Jong Il. Oddly, all three of those events were also part of the laundry-list of things the Cincinnati Bengals needed to happen in order to make the playoffs! Even stranger, Vindy pre-arranged an unexplained aura around the Stratosphere hotel & casino, the Bellagio fountains freezing over and a pigeon circling Oscar Goodman, himself, before wetting its beak in the former mayor’s martini glass, had he completed his three-team parlay, but K-State’s 13-point loss negated prior covers by Weeziana Tech and Houston!
Speaking of which, “Dear Leader” was not only a term of affection and respect, but also reflected Kim Jong Il’s status at the top of nearly all statistical categories for the country in football, including passing yards, rushing yards, touchdowns, field-goals, even sacks and tackles-for-loss! How did this guy ever miss getting on the Big Boards for the NFL Draft???!!! Maybe he bombed the Wonderlic…literally! The national media even went so far as to alter a photo of his funeral procession to avoid revealing the North Korean army actually had too many men on the field at one point!
In one of his first official actions as the new head coach at Penn State, Bill O’Brien recruited two kids…named “Brady” and “Vinatieri”!
Black Shirt: We’re handin’ out multiple ebony undergarments this post-season to…Ohio U. QB Tyler Tettleton for the 1-yard TD plunge with 13 seconds left to give the Bobblecats the minor upset over Utah State, Ragin’ Cajun kicker Brett Baer for a successful fitty-yard FG as time expired to validate our upset pick of ULL-Lafayette over SDSU and QB EJ Manuel for rallying FSU (-3) from a 2nd half two-touchdown hole to win by 4.
“Locked in a Box?”: Iowa State got whacked by Rutgers to lower the season tally to 7-8 (.467) and posting back-to-back “Lock of da’ Bowls” losses, as noted above, for the Sin City Soothsayer!
Shoppe Talk: Grill-Master awardee Michigan State and Suckin’ Place winner Virginia Tech posted forecast dubyas, while only Dishonorable Mention West Virginia dropped us again! All five teams in “watch” status Ohio State, Joja’ Teck, Oklahoma State, Wisconsin and Clemson), however, hit us below the (Sun) belt!
Vindy’s Bowls Best Bets: Part II: 2-2 Bowls: 4-3 Season: 36-34-1 (.514)
LEFTOVER HASH (Yes, we know it’s redundant. Vindicator now conducts the annual “emptying of the clip” and expends all the stuff he had in the arsenal throughout the season that didn’t previously find its way into the forecast…until now.)
In exchange for the right to remain licensed and among its BCS bowl brethren, the Fiesta agreed to fork over $1M in fines and be audited once a year. (Oh…and…the Penn State athletic director in charge of the BCS oversight committee brokered an automatic bid to the game for the Nifty Lions for each of the next four years, regardless of the team’s win-loss record!
If Meineke can sponsor a “Car Care Bowl”, why can’t Head & Shoulders back a “Hair Care Bowl”??? Do I hear the American Greetings “Care Bear Bowl”???!!!
On the big screen…as part of a military project to conquer the BCS, George Clooney and company, armed with no more than intense gazes, succeed in knocking over parade entries during pre-game festivities for the Rose, Fiesta, Orange and Sugar Bowls in…”The Men Who Stare at Floats”!
The BCS selected not just one, but multiple possible dates for its big games in anticipation of scheduling conflicts with a revamped NFL schedule as the result of the lockout. Apparently, FBS now stands for “Flexible Bowl Schedule” or “Forgiving Bowl Scandals”!!! Or BCS stands for “Bendable Championship Schedule”!
On Lifetime…family matriarchs are filmed while battling obsessed coaches who teach their toddlers to perform obnoxious touchdown celebrations in “End Zone Dance Moms”!
Is it just Vindy or does anybody else out there who’s seen him think Boise State QB recruit Nick Patti looks like Adrian Brody???!!!!
Instead of usual band, Boise State scripted its first 15 plays of the Las Vegas Bowl on a writeable Bud Light label strapped to QB Kellen Moore’s wrist!
In an act of defiance, Reggie Bush had his 2005 Heisman Trophy sent to his parents, who immediately welded the highly-coveted hardware to one of Terrell Pryor’s cars as a nifty hood-ornament!
In August, Georgetown’s hoops team brawled on the hardwood with the Chinese squad during a “friendly” in Beijing. Chinese reps later caught up to the Hoyas at airport to reconcile and exchange souvenirs, but we look forward to more fireworks should the two clubs meet again in the Sweet 16 of this year’s Big Dance!
In each of the four days prior to the January 2011 San Diego State/BYU hoops game, Provo’s Daily Herald printed one of four sections, which when joined together, formed a life-size likeness of Jimmer Fredette. As an added bonus, the reverse side of the completed poster showed a life-size replica of...the Vegas Vindicator!
Hawaii’s gridiron team was accused of point-shaving in its outright loss to UNLV. As 18-point chalk, a 17-point win is point-shaving. Accounting for teaser-bets, a 10 win is point-shaving. A 20-point defeat to arguably one of the worst teams in D-I football is not point-shaving! Lack of focus, maybe. Poor execution, for sure. But definitely not point-shaving!
Jockey Calvin Borel was picked up last August by the Louisville PD for DWI. Guess that explains why he hugged the rail during his 2009 Kentucky Derby victory! He was tryin’ stay on the horse!
Pakistan spy agency, Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI), got heat for not stopping the U.S. raid that that took out Osama Bin Laden. The organization, however, is no stranger to such criticism and has been the scapegoat for...the 1980 “Miracle on Ice” and the Best Picture Oscar that went to The English Patient. It also got blame for the antler-like hat worn by Princess Beatrice to the 2011 royal nuptials…and for scandals at Ohio State, Penn State and Miami.
The “Leftovers” column of an edition of the Las Vegas Review-Journal noted the creation of a Lingerie Basketball League and queried, “What next, Lingerie Lacrosse?”. We’d like to see Lingerie Curling! Women in skimpy French maid outfits “sweeping” along the ice! Or maybe Lingerie Jai-Alai!?? Sweet!!!!
Celebrity-boxing promoter Damon Feldman won his breach-of-contract lawsuit vs. Jose Canseco, who apparently had twin-brother Ozzie secretly take his place in a March fight. Queue up the Patti Duke Show theme song?...”They walk alike, they talk alike…sometimes they even box alike?!” BTW, Vindy has an evil twin, who’s responsible for all his forecast losses…the Sin City Scintillator (whom we’re blaming for the whole 2011 Vindy’s Picks season fiasco!)
A former Colorado Rockies 1B and current minor-leaguer was the first player to get the temporary boot from a game for using PEDs. Anybody else see the irony in this happening to a guy who’s home park was one in which Howdy Doody woulda’ hit home runs on a regular basis???!!!
MLB manager Bobby Valentine claimed to have invented the “wrap” lunch item. Al Gore is refuting that assertion, claiming instead, that he himself was the founder of that sandwich!
Former Indiana Pacer Samaki Walker was temporarily booked after police found marijuana, prescription pills and steroids in his vehicle. Walker said the steroids are legal in Syria, where he plays basketball. Narcotics charges were eventually dropped. Meanwhile, attorneys and agents for Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds and the North Korean women’s World Cup soccer team are backdating contracts to show their clients were actually playing for ball-clubs in Syria at the times of their investigations. And BTW, anyone who’s traveled to that nation knows weed is used frequently as an appetizer!
New Mexico football player Deshon Marman was asked to debark an airplane after repeatedly refusing to pull up his pants. No charges were filed, but the defensive back spent the rest of the season “goin’ Greyhound” to all the Lobos away games!
Members from both sides of the NFL lockout held secret meetings in June about the issues. Those gatherings woulda’ been more-clandestine had everybody not worn a jersey with the number “007” on it. In fact, there were reported sightings of James Bond, Lancelot Link, Secret Squirrel, Mata Hari and Maxwell Smart at the undisclosed location!
Linebacker Desmond Howard got stuck hanging out solo on the Green Bay Packers bus while the rest of the team got to meet President Obama as a reward for winning last season’s Super Bowl because he didn’t remember to bring his ID. Not to worry. Tareq and Michaele Salahi were more than happy to take his place.
On the big screen....”Cloudy With a Chance of Long Balls!”
Also on the big screen…a teenage Brett Favre struggles to deal with his newfound super-powers while being hunted by aliens ahead of their invasion of Earth in...”I Am Number Four”.
One more time on the big screen….an animated flick based on the daily journal kept by our fab forecaster during his milquetoast childhood in…”Diary of a Vindy Kid”!
On the concert circuit…ex-football team underlings form a musical group and hit it big as…Waterboyz 2 Men!
Terrell Pryor’s body art featuring the same Dodge Ram logo that graces the taillights of said-company’s trucks was a definite clue for investigators lookin’ into the allegations of inappropriate benefits.
Recently-released travel records and credit card statements revealed part of ex-Ohio State coach Jim Tressel’s “punishment” for sitting on information about his players’ shenanigans too long was mandatory attendance at a June seminar on “Division I Major Infractions”. Our agenda for that Tampa, Florida event shows that specified session sandwiched between “How to Make Lotsa’ Money Without Really Trying” and a presentation on timeshares in Key West.
Zappos.com busts out “naked models doing everyday things” with carefully-covered nudity in a July ad campaign. Show us a nearly-nude model placing wagers at the sportsbook and we’ll flash the plastic to buy whatever they’re sellin’…everytime!
Fergie revealed her thoughts about being denied an invite to WillKat’s regal knot-tying. Hey…after that less-than-inspiring rendition of Tonight’s Gonna’ Be A Good Night at last February’s Super Bowl halftime gig, we woulda’ passed her up for the nuptials too! (Oh wait…wrong Fergie! Our bad!)
Attorneys sued big companies in California on behalf of cashiers who don’t have seats available to them. Great. Can’t wait to see this one hit Vegas. “Objection, your honor. We think it’s unfair for bookies to cash winning tickets when they have to stand on their feet all day!” By golly, no self-respecting Walmart cashier should be without a reclining, swivel-chair at their check-out counter, especially during the holidays!
American Wagering Inc. was purchased in April by a major British sports betting company. Great...now Vindy’s gotta’ figure out how to convert spreads and money lines to the metric system! “Uhhh...gimme four pounds six pence on Elton John over George Michael on the moneyline!?”
If a former Olympic track medalist returns the one ring to Mount Doom, would it be...Flo Jo Baggins???!!!
Forget “Rate Tate’s chicken”!!! Domino’s Pizza boxes now offer the opportunity to “Rate Tay’s Chicken” or “Rate Vindy’s Picks’!”
“Can switching to GEICO really save you 15% or more on car insurance? Was Charles Barkley honest? Would Mike Tyson make a really bad book narrator??!!”
Here’s a sound-bite we wanna’ hear from the 2012 Scripps National Spelling Bee…Judge: “Draft.” Contestant: “Draft…D-R-A-U-G-H-T…’draft’” Judge: “BZZZT! WRONG-O!!! In yo’ face! Grab some pine, you little egghead!!!!!!!
Atlantic City now employs lingerie-wearing blackjack dealers and beverage-servers in bustiers and fishnets. Ho-hum. We here in Sin City already got scantily-clad dancers/dealers. However, we could seriously use some hot ticket-writers who also bust a move between counter gigs. Would give a whole new meanin’ to “spreads”.
Starting this month, the NCAA legislative committee will entertain a proposal by the Big Least that schools be allowed to provide spreads (such as butter, peanut butter, jelly, cream cheese, etc.) with the unadorned bagels they can give to potential recruits. Presently, said accoutrements are only legally-available to the institutions’ own student-athletes. “Dude…here’s your plain bagel….but if ya sign with *us*….the sky’s the limit on spreads!” We foresee the “Bagel Bowl”, with tubs of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” as swag (or sponsor!). How ‘bout sushi with mustard or wasabi? Coke with rum????!!!!
NIKE donated $400K to Penn State’s libraries in honor of JoePa’s 400th victory....and merely asked to have the swoosh logo placed on each building and bookshelf in exchange!
The North Korean women’s World Cup soccer team claimed the opening 2-0 loss to Team USA was due to its players being struck by lightning during a practice session. Well…that settles it…Thor is clearly not havin’ any of that rogue-nation-Communist crappola on the pitch!
During the preseason, Steve Spurrier voluntarily got handcuffed to make a point to his Gamecocks players....and still managed to throw his visor to ground!
Coming this winter…to an arena near you....“Vindy’s Picks On Ice”.
Vindy before being scrapped in the final selections in April, made the elite “royal wedding guest list” for Kate and Prince William...somewhere between George Michael and Scary Spice!
JC Penney yanked a controversial female garment from its website after consumers whined about the T-shirt, which sports the motto, “I’m too pretty to do my homework so my brother has to do it for me.”. That didn’t deter us from purchasing the one that proclaims, “Vindy’s too purty to place his wagers, so his bookie has to do it for him!”
Until August, Sportsfans…we leave you with our traditional Irish blessing…”May the road ‘dog rise up to beat you.” (Somethin’ like that!)
Air Forecast One has gone “wheels up”!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Vindy's 2011-12 Bowl Predictions Part II
TEBOW CHANNELS CONTROVERSIAL ACTOR DURING NFL GAME
DENVER, Colorado (Reuters)…Until now, the Broncos’ masterful miracles were often attributed to favor from On High, but a recent interview with the New York Post revealed Tim Tebow’s success in leading late comeback victories is more Gibson than God. The quarterback noted during the Q&A session that his flick-of-choice is “Braveheart” and subsequently busted out his best impersonation of Mel Gibson’s performance as outlaw William Wallace during Denver’s home game versus New England earlier this month. Meeting the referee and Patriots team captains at mid-field for the pre-game coin-toss on horseback, Tebow wore a kilt and Scotland’s national colors on his face while proposing “…Denver’s terms. Lower your flags. Tell your coach he has to cross the field, present himself before this team, put his head between his legs and kiss his own arse. Then, march straight back to New England, stopping at every Broncos fan’s home he passes by to beg their forgiveness for 100 seasons of oppression and tyranny.” Later in the 4th Quarter, decked out in the same 14th Century regalia and wielding a Claymore sword, Tebow was seen riding up and down the Broncos sideline, yelling, “They may take our linemen …but they’ll never take…our FREEDOMMMMMM!”
Spoiler-alert! Denver lost the New England game and Gibson gets beheaded at the end of said-movie for failing to quell his people’s uprising and not swearing allegiance to…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 BOWL PREDICTIONS (PART II)
(Now with their own parade float)
DEC. 30
BELL HELICOPTER ARMED FORCES (@ Dallas, TX):
Brigham Young over Tulsa giving 1 ½ (55): Cougars were locked into this bowl from the preseason (assuming eligibility) and the previous-MWC membership wouldn’t have gotten them anything more exciting, given the post-season destinations of Boise and TCU. An early-season change in quarterbacks lit a fire under a stagnant BYU offense that had posted all of 40 total points in the first three games (1-2 SU/ATS), going on to win seven of eight, losing only vs. TCU at Jerry World, and covering 6 of the last 7. Golden Hurricane ripped off six straight victories and five consecutive covers before falling badly to Houston. Tulsa’s won 4 of previous 5 bowls (4-1 ATS) by substantial margins. Coogs would snag double-digit SU win total again after missing in 2010 for first time in 6 seasons. Defensive advantage goes to BYU, who held 8 of 12 opponents to 20 or less. Unless USU transfer Riley Nelson goes all Charles Nelson Reilly (raise yer hand if ya watched Match Game and/or Lidsville in 1971) and leads the Mormons astray, we like…BYU 37 Tulsa 24
NEW ERA PINSTRIPE (@ Bronx, NY):
Iowa State over Rutgers taking 1 ½ (44 ½): LOCK OF DA’ BOWLS. Bowl history and location favor the Paladins, with Rutgers winning its post-season matches in each of the past four years and likely garnering the favor of a preponderance of the fans at Yankee Stadium. Knights were also good on defense, giving up just 16.8 ppg until a weak UConn squad hit ‘em for 40 in the finale. Still, we’ll back the ‘Clones, who battled better opponents all year than Rutgers faced in Big Least league that barely crowned a conference champion. State ruined Oklahoma State’s national title hopes as a nearly-four-TD dog and Twisters’ coach Paul Rhoads just got himself nice 10-year contract extension. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie once applied for a job as a coordinator or assistant coach at Maryland because he heard he’d be working with “The Fridge!”. He also once sought out former Bears star William Perry for the same reason! “Under” is a pretty good guess and we’ll give the victory to…Iowa State 20 Rutgers 17
FRANKLIN AMERICAN MORTGAGE MUSIC CITY (@Nashville, TN):
Mississippi State over Wake Forest giving 6 ½ (47 ½): Deacs looked to be having a special season, winning five of first seven, with one of the losses in OT and a truckload of returning starters, but faded fast after that and had to beat a weak Maryland squad to close the regular season to get eligible. The Forest is younger at the skills than MSU and giving up almost 31 ppg on defense. Bulldogs dropped three of their last six…a pair vs. two of the best teams from the best division of the best conference in football. State, though outscoring opponents by an average of just 6 ppg, blasted Michigan in last year’s bowl and have a poor FG unit (just 11 of 18) that will likely mean going for it on 4th Down a few times, thus we like the “over” here as well…Mississippi State 37 Wake 20
INSIGHT (@ Tempe, AZ):
Iowa over #19 Oklahoma taking 14 (58): Hawkeyes have won and covered bowls each of last three seasons, including two wins in the dog role, vs. South Carolina, Georgia Tech and Mizzou. No telling what Sooners frame of mind will be after losing to Baylor and Oklahoma State…badly (if ya don’t buy the conspiracy theory that Sooners threw that one). OK whacked opponents by 15 or more seven times. Hawkeyes lost by that many only to Michigan State. “Under” is feasible, with Oklahoma allowing 22.8 ppg and Iowa spotting opponents 23.3. Hawkeyes can be had through the air, giving up 20 scores with just 9 picks. Sooners passing game shows a 28-15 ratio. Second ho-hum post-season venue in last three years for OU, who’s used to playing in much better bowls…Okie-Doke 29 Iowa 17
DEC. 31
MEINEKE CAR CARE OF TEXAS (@ Houston, TX):
Northwestern over Texas A&M taking 10 (66 ½): Wildcats have lost three straight bowls (two in extra frames) , but covered all of ‘em, losing by no more than 7. Dan Persa at QB always gives them a chance. Aggies have lost last five bowls SU and ATS and while they succeed in the red zone about 98% of the time, a minus-eight turnover ratio (-10 in losses) has hampered the chances for bigger things. Five of NW’s victories came over nobody in particular but sixth win came at ranked Nebraska and ‘Cats scored thru the air 25 times with just 9 interceptions. Could be a track-meet….Aggies 41 NW 37
HYUNDAI SUN (@ El Paso, TX):
Georgia Tech over Utah giving 3 (50 ½): After early difficulty transitioning to its new conference, Utah seemed to be building momentum with late four-game SU win streak, but was shocked by Colorado at home as three-score chalk. Utes were lowest total-yardage team to make the post-season and face the #4 rushing yardage team in Joja’ Tech. Utah is however #7 in rush defense, allowing just six touchdowns on the ground and unlike many teams that could’ve been here, at least has experience defending the option, having played Air Force all those years in the Mountain Jest. GT has been lousy bowl bet, losing five straight years and covering just one. Wildlife officials in Utah use robotic deer to catch poachers. Maybe the Utes, 4-1 SU in their last five bowls (3-2 ATS), could strategically-place a few of the bogus-Bambis on the field to divert Tech’s attention…’Jackets 31 Utes 24
AUTOZONE LIBERTY (@ Memphis, TN):
Vanderbilt over Cincinnati giving 1 ½ (48 ½): First bowl for the Commodores since 2008 and just second since ’82. Senior-heavy Vandy went 4-0 SU/3-0 ATS vs. non-SEC teams, as the favorite in all of them. Money’s been coming in on Cincy after announcement that senior quarterback Zach Collaros is returning from ankle surgery he had over a month ago. All six of Vanderbilt’s defeats came at the hands of other bowl squads (scoring 21 or more in four of them). UC posted 9 SU wins and allowed only 20 ppg. ‘Cats lost to West Virginia by 3 at home and were pounded by Tennessee and Rutgers. While neither team’s stats scream “offensive juggernaut”, we think the total goes “over” and we prefer Vandy’s balanced offense…Admirals 29 Cincinnati 24
KRAFT FIGHT HUNGER (San Francisco, CA):
Illinois over Ucla giving 2 ½ (47): This got “lock” consideration. Illini are young on offense and it showed badly in current six-game SU losing streak (UI didn’t top 17 in any of those six). That demise also sent The Zooker packin’. On the other sideline, we don’t see the departure of Rick Neuheisel, who will call plays in this one, from yet-another coaching stint on heels of 24-26 record, motivating 6-7 Bruins, who are only here because USC was prohibited from post-season activities, and who struggled to keep opponents outta’ the end zone (permitting 38 points or more to half their slate). Three of UI’s wins came by exactly 3. Four of the defeats, maybe even five, were excusable. We seriously-question the 20-point loss at Minnesota to end the regular season though. After being introduced this month as UCLA’s new head coach, Jim Mora, Jr., answering his first media question, quipped “Playoffs???!!! Ya kiddin’ me??!! Playoffs??!!!! I just hope we can win a game!!!”…Illinois 20 UCLA 10
CHICK-FIL-A (@ Atlanta, GA):
Virginia over Auburn taking 3 (49): In what should be no surprise, last season’s National Title winner fell to a pre-January tilt in a rebuilding year. Auburn allowed the 3rd-most sacks (31) in the SEC and was next to last in the conference in scoring D at 29.3 ppg. Tigers were also last in stopping the pass, allowing 21 touchdowns, while snaring 10 interceptions. Cavs pass offense ain’t stellar at 15-15 ratio. Virginia got hot, taking five of last six on the year, with victories over then-Top 25 Georgia Tech and Florida State. Aubie barely dodged Utah State and lit the scoreboard only in the teens in five of last seven…Cavs 19 Worn Eagle 17
JAN. 2
TICKETCITY (@ Dallas, TX):
#20 Houston over #24 Penn State giving 6 ½ (56 ½): Nearly hung the “lock” label on this one. It ain’t a BCS game, but unlike Boise’s demise, this wasn’t the result of a single missed kick and Case Keenum won’t wanna’ go out with back-to-back losses in his final two college games. It is a chance for the C-USA runner-up to dredge a BCS conference squad in the form of Nittany Lions club reeling from blow-out at Wisconsin, off-season issues that have scrubbed the usual stellar bowl-prep provided by Joe Paterno, one known locker room scuffle between players and that is hampered by a third-and-long pass D that has been a handicap throughout the year as it gets ready to take on the country’s top air game. State’s offense isn’t built to swap sixes here and we don’t think it’ll sustain enough long drives to hang within the short number. The alma mater was the lowest-scoring team to get a bowl bid. Cheer with yer heart. Bet with yer head!… Houston 34 PSU 24
OUTBACK (@ Tampa, FL):
#12 Michigan State over #18 Georgia taking 3 ½ (50): Taking on SEC title game loser Joja’ should eliminate any letdown issues for Sparty after dropping 3-point decision in Big Ten championship game to Wisconsin. Bulldogs had won and covered 4 straight bowls prior to losing last season’s 10-6 stinker vs. Central Florida. State QB Kirk Cousins was just a freshman when Georgia won the 2008 bowl pairing 24-12. We like him over sophomore Aaron Murray for the ‘Dawgs. Both teams were excellent on defense….Michigan State 22 UGA 20
CAPITAL ONE (@ Orlando, FL):
#10 South Carolina over #21 Nebraska giving 2 ½ (46 ½): Despite a tumultuous year that saw losses of Marcus Lattimore to injury and starting QB Stephen Garcia to suspension and eventual dismissal, Poultry could still finish with a 10-win season. Big Dread has gone 2-1 SU/ATS in bowls the past three years, losing outright in 2010 to Washington as disinterested two-touchdown fave. Chickens have been poor 0-3 SU/ATS in each of last three post-seasons. Carolina did finish strong with wins over Florida, Citadel and Clemson and held 7 opponents to 20 or fewer on the year. Huskers didn’t top 17 against any of the better defensive teams they faced and sophomore Taylor Martinez can be streaky. Nebraska has a shot if they can get the running game going…Gamehens 24 Corncobs 19
TAXSLAYER.COM GATOR (@ Jacksonville, FL):
Ohio State over Florida taking 2 (44): First non-BCS bowl for State in 6 years and while OSU had much bigger plans entering 2011, the suspense has been gone for quite a while. Gators’ best outing may have been five-point triumph over rising Vandy in the Swamp, their only I-A victory after September [and only opponent against whom they scored more than 16). Buckeyes limp in on three-game losing skid, but at least have some offensive pop and made Michigan work for its victory. They better make the most of this one ‘cause the NCAA has just banned ‘em from next year’s post-season, including the 2012 Big Tenor Championship game for the whole memorabilia/tattoo/car thing. Jets coach Rex Ryan showed up at August training camp sporting a calf-length tribal tattoo. Ho-hum. We wanna’ see the ink on his spouse’s instep that declares props for “Columbus Chevrolet” or “’Da ‘Shoe Subaru”! Ya think anyone would notice if UF slipped Tim Tebow into a Crocs uni? (Or maybe a certain Lethal Weapon star is available!)….OSU 24 Florida 17
ROSE BOWL GAME PRESENTED BY VIZIO (@ Pasadena, CA):
#9 Wisconsin over #6 Oregon taking 6 (72): Nice match-up of running games between LaMichael James for the Mallards and the Montee Ball/Russell Wilson contingent for the Badgers, as well as a big defensive line for Wisconsin that allowed few points, would seem to portend an “under” here. Last three neutral site games for the Ducks have ended in defeats, including last season’s BCS Title match. Coach Bielema has taken the Badgers to the postseason in all six of his years at the helm, but shows just two wins and three covers. First dog role for UW since 2010 bowl, but 10th straight year its gotten points in the bowls…Drakes 34 Varmints 30
TOSTITOS FIESTA (@ Glendale, AZ):
#3 Oklahoma State over #4 Stanford giving 3 ½ (74): OKSU went 9-3 ATS behind its powerful offense. The D was still a hindrance, but showed flashes of brilliance. Cowpokes have gone 4-1 SU/ATS vs. 12-PAC foes the past four years, but the loss came vs. Oregon in 2008 bowl game. Cardinal also packs a big punch and sports a better scoring-defense, but only two their last eleven ranked opponents came out-of-conference. We think Brandon Weeden and Andrew Luck both have good days vs. the respective defenses. The Fiesta committee could’ve ultimately been asked to take a powder from the BCS in the wake of misappropriated funds by then-president John Junker, including hoity-toity golf club memberships, car allowances and treks to a Phoenix gentlemen’s club. However, after the trial, the game kept its certification, but lost its sponsor and starting next year, must be held before New Year’s Day…and be forever known as the Discover Card “Peggy” Bowl!...State 44 Stanford 38
JAN. 3
ALLSTATE SUGAR (@New Orleans, LA):
#13 Michigan over #17 Virginia Tech giving 2 ½ (51): Hokies were Euro-ripping 3-9 ATS, but suffered only two SU losses, both to inconsistent Clemson squad. Both teams hopin’ to erase memories of bad losses in 2010 post-season, run the ball well and limit opponents’ scoring opportunities (VT and Michigan ranked 8th and 9th respectively in points-against). Tech gets advantage in the passing aspect. Hokies have won only two of last five post-season outings and it’s been a good start to the Brady Hoke era in Ann Arbor, averaging almost 35 ppg and covering 9 of 12. We’ll take Denard Robinson and RB Shaw to drag out a few scoring drives and keep Frank Beamer’s defense on the field longer than it wants to be…Big Blue 27 VT 20
JAN. 4
DISCOVER ORANGE (@ Miami, FL):
#14 Clemson over #23 West Virginia giving 3 ½ (60 ½): No confidence in a side or a total here (though we lean very slightly toward the “under”). Conference tie-ins pretty much doomed this bowl and though we’ve opposed the BCS-buster vs. BCS-buster match-ups of bowls-past, we’d rather have seen Boise State face Houston here than this snoozer-pairing of iffy “champions” from the ACC and Big East. Soap-box sermon over, now back to our regularly-scheduled analysis…Mounted Ears have dropped last two bowls by 12 and 16. WVU’s last four regular-season games were decided by 3 or less, with ‘Eers winning last three SU. We don’t know what to make of Clemson, but Tigers did win four of five SU/ATS vs. the ranked teams they played this year. Both squads come in currently 8-12 ATS vs. non-conference. West Virginia touts Gino Smith’s arm at quarterback and almost 460 passing yards per game. Clemson throws for almost 441 yards per tilt. Tigers, though scoring no more than 17 in losing 3 of last 5, looked good throughout most of the year. West Virginia never got much traction until November…Clemson 31 WVU 27
JAN. 6
AT&T COTTON (@ Arlington, TX):
#11 Kansas State over #7 Arkansas taking 7 ½ (62 ½): UPSET PICK OF DA’ BOWLS. Wildcats are back in preferred role as sizable ‘dogs and the only two outright defeats came at the hands of Oklahoma and Oklahoma State. With lotsa’ juniors on this squad, watch out for K-State next season! KSU can win the lowest-scoring, tight defensive battle or the shoot-out (with a bias toward the latter), playing to the level of its competition. ‘Cats covered 9 of 11 this season and while this is not a true “road” game, the Feral Felines have covered 14 of last 18 getting points outside Manhattan. Pigs score bunches, but not unlike Oklahoma State, feature a porous defense and have gone 1-3 ATS, with only SU bowl win coming vs. East Carolina in OT after 2009 campaign. Bacon managed a 4-point neutral site win over Texas A&M earlier this year…Kansas State 37 Arkansas 34
JAN. 7
BBVA COMPASS (@Birmingham, AL):
Pittsburgh over Southern Methodist giving 3 ½ (47): Given Louisville’s 7-point bowl loss to NC State, 6-6 Panthers’ best “win” mighta’ been the 1-point loss at West Virginia during Thanksgiving. Pitt QB Tino Sunseri has a lot of fellow-seniors on the O-line to protect him vs. sawbuck-shredding Ponies, who went just 3-9 ATS, including current 0-6 demise and a loss to Army while laying a TD. SMU also lost 4 of last 6 SU, scoring no more than 17 in any of ‘em. We like what June Jones has done for the program and Mustangs boast a road win over TCU on the resume, but…Pitt 23 SMU 14
JAN. 8
GODADDY.COM (@ Mobile, AL):
Northern Illinois over Arkansas State taking 1 ½ (63): A minor bowl taking place well-after most of the big ones are done, but it still matches conference champions…ASU out of the Fun Belt and Huskies from the MAC. First bowl for State since 2005. Middle of Red Wolves defensive line is young and that could be a problem vs. potent NIU rushing game. The remainder of the D is, however, experienced. Sun Belt winners are solid on both sides of the ball and ran the conference table following non-conference losses at Illinois and Virginia Tech. NIU scored total of 41 points over last games after exceeding that in nearly any single game prior to that. Both sides have been in shootouts. ASU went 9-2 ATS, NIU just 4-7, but…Huskies 44 ASU 37
JAN. 9
ALLSTATE BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME (@ New Orleans, LA):
#2 Alabama over #1 Louisiana State taking 1 (40): Long before kickoff, this one will have analyzed and probably criticized to death, but the only stats that matter here are the 9-6 OT win in Tuscaloosa by the Bengals and the two mssed Tide FGs that got ‘em that victory. Pressure’s on LSU to prove it deserved the win, but like last year’s national champ Auburn, a little luck is always part of the formula to win it all. Nothing since that game suggests this game won’t stay “under” the total and kicking troubles continued for ‘Bama after the first meeting. If we was Les Miles, we’d talk the ref into callin’ timeouts during pre-game practice kicks just to get inside the Tide kicker's head and would burn more everytime he lined up for so much as a kickoff or an XP. As we noted earlier this year, LSU’s only bowl defeat in six previous seasons under Miles came vs. Penn State. ‘Bama’s won three of their four, clobbering #2 Texas in the ’09 BCS Title game. Both teams are deserving of the crown and we’re just hopin’ for another great game…Reauxll Tide 17 Bengals 15
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, scientists recently suggested they think they’ve isolated the “God particle”. We weren’t aware they’d been studying Tebow’s DNA!
After throwin’ four picks in the loss to Buffalo, suddenly-Tinier Tim said, “…Hopefully, we can get in the tournament.” At this pace, we see the Broncos makin’ the Big Dance as a 14-seed and goin’ one-and-done!
We offer a few apologies to Bruno Mars and take a few liberties with the lyrics to “Grenade”, crooning…“What ya don’t understannnnd is…. I’d get Brett Favre in a traaaaaaaade fer ya…..ride the bench ‘til he plaaaaayed fer yaaaaa….We’d stop the Rose Bowl paraaaaaade fer ya….oooh-oooh-oooh-ooooooh…I would go through alllllll this paaaaaainnnnn… watch my parlay go downnn the draaaaaaaain…. Yes, I would die for ya, baaaaaaaby…but you won’t do the same…If my forecast was on fiiiiiire….oooooooh, you’d watch it burn down in flame…You said you’d bet, but you’re a liar ‘cause you never…ever..everrrrrrrrr…did, Baby!”
Hell…we’d even spray Vindy’s Picks with some *Glaaaaaaade* fer ya…
U.S. credit got lowered in August from AAA to AA. The football team, however, now faces FCS squads such UMass and Appalachian State and with a little luck, at this pace, could be a provisional I-A WAC team facing the likes of Colorado State in the San Diego Federal Credit Union Bowl in the 2013 post-season! The Little Sisters of the Poor have already made it clear they don’t play Boise State, but they might sign just put U.S. Credit on the schedule!
An April 2011 edition of the Penn State Alumni newswire included a blurb entitled “$10M gift endows dean’s chair, ethics director”. By golly, this proud alum is happy (Valley???!!!) that we have a well-endowed dean’s chair and similarly-enhanced individual overseeing the Ethics Department! The visual, however, really haunts your humble host! (Yeah, yeah! Save the hate-mail. This item came out well-before revelations of the current troubles in State College!).
Given the difficulties of Heisman Trophy winners at the next level, we predict the absence of the highly-coveted hardware from the display case of LSU CB Tyrann Mathieu means a long and prosperous NFL career for the Homey Bencher...um…Hominy Belcher…Honey Blancher...er…Hyundai Bender???!!!.
The Monday-night Steelers-Niners game in San Francisco earlier this month suffered a couple of lengthy blackouts. We think that’s taking “candlestick” a bit too far, don’t you? Big Ben tossed a pair of early picks in that game. That’s what happens when ya wrap the ankle and the ball with phosphorescent tape! There’s a proposal afoot to build a new venue for the home team in Santa Clara. The Broncos, who shut down their gridiron squad in 1993, might have somethin’ to say about that.
Last January, Jets strength & conditioning coach and part-time special teams…er…um…”contributor”…Sal Alosi, who tripped an opposing punt-returner, resigned. Historians have learned that ancestors of the deposed mentor stood near the track and used their knees to cause the wheels to come off opposing chariots during races in ancient Rome!
On the boob tube...bettors wager on the total number of days it’ll take a crack renovation crew to turn a dumpy apartment into a rad pad in “Extreme Make-Over/Under: Home Edition”!
Madonna will play this season’s Super Bowl halftime. In honor of the Material Girl, kick-returners wanting to signal a fair-catch, instead of raising their arms above their heads, must…vogue!
Texas Governor Rick Perry said he hopes he’s the “Tim Tebow of the Iowa caucuses.” We’re not sure he could lead his camp to victory after being behind in the 4th Quarter, but we figure he’ll complete at least as many passes as the Broncos quarterback!
Much ado was made over North Korea’s ability to hide the death of Kim Jong Il from the world for two days. So what???!!! Some NFL teams don’t release injury information. The communist nation coulda’ broadcast footage of “Dear Leader” bein’ carted off the field and probably kept the whole Western world in the dark for another week! Can you say “Weekend at Kim Jong Il’s”???!!!!
Oh sure. Your fave team’s linemen can run-block and pass-block, but can they…writers’ block?! Yeah…we didn’t think so! Wussies!
Vindy’s Best Bowl Bets (Part II): Part I: 1-1 (with FSU-ND total TBA) Season: 35-34-1 (.507)
Illinois-UCLA “under” 47, Virginia-Auburn “under” 49, Houston -6 ½ over Penn State, Kansas State +7 ½ over Arkansas
C’mon back one more time a few days after completion of the BCS Title tilt as we offer our bowl recap and our “leftover hash”! Vin’s now off to try out the new video game he got for Christmas....Booty-Call of Duty!
DENVER, Colorado (Reuters)…Until now, the Broncos’ masterful miracles were often attributed to favor from On High, but a recent interview with the New York Post revealed Tim Tebow’s success in leading late comeback victories is more Gibson than God. The quarterback noted during the Q&A session that his flick-of-choice is “Braveheart” and subsequently busted out his best impersonation of Mel Gibson’s performance as outlaw William Wallace during Denver’s home game versus New England earlier this month. Meeting the referee and Patriots team captains at mid-field for the pre-game coin-toss on horseback, Tebow wore a kilt and Scotland’s national colors on his face while proposing “…Denver’s terms. Lower your flags. Tell your coach he has to cross the field, present himself before this team, put his head between his legs and kiss his own arse. Then, march straight back to New England, stopping at every Broncos fan’s home he passes by to beg their forgiveness for 100 seasons of oppression and tyranny.” Later in the 4th Quarter, decked out in the same 14th Century regalia and wielding a Claymore sword, Tebow was seen riding up and down the Broncos sideline, yelling, “They may take our linemen …but they’ll never take…our FREEDOMMMMMM!”
Spoiler-alert! Denver lost the New England game and Gibson gets beheaded at the end of said-movie for failing to quell his people’s uprising and not swearing allegiance to…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 BOWL PREDICTIONS (PART II)
(Now with their own parade float)
DEC. 30
BELL HELICOPTER ARMED FORCES (@ Dallas, TX):
Brigham Young over Tulsa giving 1 ½ (55): Cougars were locked into this bowl from the preseason (assuming eligibility) and the previous-MWC membership wouldn’t have gotten them anything more exciting, given the post-season destinations of Boise and TCU. An early-season change in quarterbacks lit a fire under a stagnant BYU offense that had posted all of 40 total points in the first three games (1-2 SU/ATS), going on to win seven of eight, losing only vs. TCU at Jerry World, and covering 6 of the last 7. Golden Hurricane ripped off six straight victories and five consecutive covers before falling badly to Houston. Tulsa’s won 4 of previous 5 bowls (4-1 ATS) by substantial margins. Coogs would snag double-digit SU win total again after missing in 2010 for first time in 6 seasons. Defensive advantage goes to BYU, who held 8 of 12 opponents to 20 or less. Unless USU transfer Riley Nelson goes all Charles Nelson Reilly (raise yer hand if ya watched Match Game and/or Lidsville in 1971) and leads the Mormons astray, we like…BYU 37 Tulsa 24
NEW ERA PINSTRIPE (@ Bronx, NY):
Iowa State over Rutgers taking 1 ½ (44 ½): LOCK OF DA’ BOWLS. Bowl history and location favor the Paladins, with Rutgers winning its post-season matches in each of the past four years and likely garnering the favor of a preponderance of the fans at Yankee Stadium. Knights were also good on defense, giving up just 16.8 ppg until a weak UConn squad hit ‘em for 40 in the finale. Still, we’ll back the ‘Clones, who battled better opponents all year than Rutgers faced in Big Least league that barely crowned a conference champion. State ruined Oklahoma State’s national title hopes as a nearly-four-TD dog and Twisters’ coach Paul Rhoads just got himself nice 10-year contract extension. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie once applied for a job as a coordinator or assistant coach at Maryland because he heard he’d be working with “The Fridge!”. He also once sought out former Bears star William Perry for the same reason! “Under” is a pretty good guess and we’ll give the victory to…Iowa State 20 Rutgers 17
FRANKLIN AMERICAN MORTGAGE MUSIC CITY (@Nashville, TN):
Mississippi State over Wake Forest giving 6 ½ (47 ½): Deacs looked to be having a special season, winning five of first seven, with one of the losses in OT and a truckload of returning starters, but faded fast after that and had to beat a weak Maryland squad to close the regular season to get eligible. The Forest is younger at the skills than MSU and giving up almost 31 ppg on defense. Bulldogs dropped three of their last six…a pair vs. two of the best teams from the best division of the best conference in football. State, though outscoring opponents by an average of just 6 ppg, blasted Michigan in last year’s bowl and have a poor FG unit (just 11 of 18) that will likely mean going for it on 4th Down a few times, thus we like the “over” here as well…Mississippi State 37 Wake 20
INSIGHT (@ Tempe, AZ):
Iowa over #19 Oklahoma taking 14 (58): Hawkeyes have won and covered bowls each of last three seasons, including two wins in the dog role, vs. South Carolina, Georgia Tech and Mizzou. No telling what Sooners frame of mind will be after losing to Baylor and Oklahoma State…badly (if ya don’t buy the conspiracy theory that Sooners threw that one). OK whacked opponents by 15 or more seven times. Hawkeyes lost by that many only to Michigan State. “Under” is feasible, with Oklahoma allowing 22.8 ppg and Iowa spotting opponents 23.3. Hawkeyes can be had through the air, giving up 20 scores with just 9 picks. Sooners passing game shows a 28-15 ratio. Second ho-hum post-season venue in last three years for OU, who’s used to playing in much better bowls…Okie-Doke 29 Iowa 17
DEC. 31
MEINEKE CAR CARE OF TEXAS (@ Houston, TX):
Northwestern over Texas A&M taking 10 (66 ½): Wildcats have lost three straight bowls (two in extra frames) , but covered all of ‘em, losing by no more than 7. Dan Persa at QB always gives them a chance. Aggies have lost last five bowls SU and ATS and while they succeed in the red zone about 98% of the time, a minus-eight turnover ratio (-10 in losses) has hampered the chances for bigger things. Five of NW’s victories came over nobody in particular but sixth win came at ranked Nebraska and ‘Cats scored thru the air 25 times with just 9 interceptions. Could be a track-meet….Aggies 41 NW 37
HYUNDAI SUN (@ El Paso, TX):
Georgia Tech over Utah giving 3 (50 ½): After early difficulty transitioning to its new conference, Utah seemed to be building momentum with late four-game SU win streak, but was shocked by Colorado at home as three-score chalk. Utes were lowest total-yardage team to make the post-season and face the #4 rushing yardage team in Joja’ Tech. Utah is however #7 in rush defense, allowing just six touchdowns on the ground and unlike many teams that could’ve been here, at least has experience defending the option, having played Air Force all those years in the Mountain Jest. GT has been lousy bowl bet, losing five straight years and covering just one. Wildlife officials in Utah use robotic deer to catch poachers. Maybe the Utes, 4-1 SU in their last five bowls (3-2 ATS), could strategically-place a few of the bogus-Bambis on the field to divert Tech’s attention…’Jackets 31 Utes 24
AUTOZONE LIBERTY (@ Memphis, TN):
Vanderbilt over Cincinnati giving 1 ½ (48 ½): First bowl for the Commodores since 2008 and just second since ’82. Senior-heavy Vandy went 4-0 SU/3-0 ATS vs. non-SEC teams, as the favorite in all of them. Money’s been coming in on Cincy after announcement that senior quarterback Zach Collaros is returning from ankle surgery he had over a month ago. All six of Vanderbilt’s defeats came at the hands of other bowl squads (scoring 21 or more in four of them). UC posted 9 SU wins and allowed only 20 ppg. ‘Cats lost to West Virginia by 3 at home and were pounded by Tennessee and Rutgers. While neither team’s stats scream “offensive juggernaut”, we think the total goes “over” and we prefer Vandy’s balanced offense…Admirals 29 Cincinnati 24
KRAFT FIGHT HUNGER (San Francisco, CA):
Illinois over Ucla giving 2 ½ (47): This got “lock” consideration. Illini are young on offense and it showed badly in current six-game SU losing streak (UI didn’t top 17 in any of those six). That demise also sent The Zooker packin’. On the other sideline, we don’t see the departure of Rick Neuheisel, who will call plays in this one, from yet-another coaching stint on heels of 24-26 record, motivating 6-7 Bruins, who are only here because USC was prohibited from post-season activities, and who struggled to keep opponents outta’ the end zone (permitting 38 points or more to half their slate). Three of UI’s wins came by exactly 3. Four of the defeats, maybe even five, were excusable. We seriously-question the 20-point loss at Minnesota to end the regular season though. After being introduced this month as UCLA’s new head coach, Jim Mora, Jr., answering his first media question, quipped “Playoffs???!!! Ya kiddin’ me??!! Playoffs??!!!! I just hope we can win a game!!!”…Illinois 20 UCLA 10
CHICK-FIL-A (@ Atlanta, GA):
Virginia over Auburn taking 3 (49): In what should be no surprise, last season’s National Title winner fell to a pre-January tilt in a rebuilding year. Auburn allowed the 3rd-most sacks (31) in the SEC and was next to last in the conference in scoring D at 29.3 ppg. Tigers were also last in stopping the pass, allowing 21 touchdowns, while snaring 10 interceptions. Cavs pass offense ain’t stellar at 15-15 ratio. Virginia got hot, taking five of last six on the year, with victories over then-Top 25 Georgia Tech and Florida State. Aubie barely dodged Utah State and lit the scoreboard only in the teens in five of last seven…Cavs 19 Worn Eagle 17
JAN. 2
TICKETCITY (@ Dallas, TX):
#20 Houston over #24 Penn State giving 6 ½ (56 ½): Nearly hung the “lock” label on this one. It ain’t a BCS game, but unlike Boise’s demise, this wasn’t the result of a single missed kick and Case Keenum won’t wanna’ go out with back-to-back losses in his final two college games. It is a chance for the C-USA runner-up to dredge a BCS conference squad in the form of Nittany Lions club reeling from blow-out at Wisconsin, off-season issues that have scrubbed the usual stellar bowl-prep provided by Joe Paterno, one known locker room scuffle between players and that is hampered by a third-and-long pass D that has been a handicap throughout the year as it gets ready to take on the country’s top air game. State’s offense isn’t built to swap sixes here and we don’t think it’ll sustain enough long drives to hang within the short number. The alma mater was the lowest-scoring team to get a bowl bid. Cheer with yer heart. Bet with yer head!… Houston 34 PSU 24
OUTBACK (@ Tampa, FL):
#12 Michigan State over #18 Georgia taking 3 ½ (50): Taking on SEC title game loser Joja’ should eliminate any letdown issues for Sparty after dropping 3-point decision in Big Ten championship game to Wisconsin. Bulldogs had won and covered 4 straight bowls prior to losing last season’s 10-6 stinker vs. Central Florida. State QB Kirk Cousins was just a freshman when Georgia won the 2008 bowl pairing 24-12. We like him over sophomore Aaron Murray for the ‘Dawgs. Both teams were excellent on defense….Michigan State 22 UGA 20
CAPITAL ONE (@ Orlando, FL):
#10 South Carolina over #21 Nebraska giving 2 ½ (46 ½): Despite a tumultuous year that saw losses of Marcus Lattimore to injury and starting QB Stephen Garcia to suspension and eventual dismissal, Poultry could still finish with a 10-win season. Big Dread has gone 2-1 SU/ATS in bowls the past three years, losing outright in 2010 to Washington as disinterested two-touchdown fave. Chickens have been poor 0-3 SU/ATS in each of last three post-seasons. Carolina did finish strong with wins over Florida, Citadel and Clemson and held 7 opponents to 20 or fewer on the year. Huskers didn’t top 17 against any of the better defensive teams they faced and sophomore Taylor Martinez can be streaky. Nebraska has a shot if they can get the running game going…Gamehens 24 Corncobs 19
TAXSLAYER.COM GATOR (@ Jacksonville, FL):
Ohio State over Florida taking 2 (44): First non-BCS bowl for State in 6 years and while OSU had much bigger plans entering 2011, the suspense has been gone for quite a while. Gators’ best outing may have been five-point triumph over rising Vandy in the Swamp, their only I-A victory after September [and only opponent against whom they scored more than 16). Buckeyes limp in on three-game losing skid, but at least have some offensive pop and made Michigan work for its victory. They better make the most of this one ‘cause the NCAA has just banned ‘em from next year’s post-season, including the 2012 Big Tenor Championship game for the whole memorabilia/tattoo/car thing. Jets coach Rex Ryan showed up at August training camp sporting a calf-length tribal tattoo. Ho-hum. We wanna’ see the ink on his spouse’s instep that declares props for “Columbus Chevrolet” or “’Da ‘Shoe Subaru”! Ya think anyone would notice if UF slipped Tim Tebow into a Crocs uni? (Or maybe a certain Lethal Weapon star is available!)….OSU 24 Florida 17
ROSE BOWL GAME PRESENTED BY VIZIO (@ Pasadena, CA):
#9 Wisconsin over #6 Oregon taking 6 (72): Nice match-up of running games between LaMichael James for the Mallards and the Montee Ball/Russell Wilson contingent for the Badgers, as well as a big defensive line for Wisconsin that allowed few points, would seem to portend an “under” here. Last three neutral site games for the Ducks have ended in defeats, including last season’s BCS Title match. Coach Bielema has taken the Badgers to the postseason in all six of his years at the helm, but shows just two wins and three covers. First dog role for UW since 2010 bowl, but 10th straight year its gotten points in the bowls…Drakes 34 Varmints 30
TOSTITOS FIESTA (@ Glendale, AZ):
#3 Oklahoma State over #4 Stanford giving 3 ½ (74): OKSU went 9-3 ATS behind its powerful offense. The D was still a hindrance, but showed flashes of brilliance. Cowpokes have gone 4-1 SU/ATS vs. 12-PAC foes the past four years, but the loss came vs. Oregon in 2008 bowl game. Cardinal also packs a big punch and sports a better scoring-defense, but only two their last eleven ranked opponents came out-of-conference. We think Brandon Weeden and Andrew Luck both have good days vs. the respective defenses. The Fiesta committee could’ve ultimately been asked to take a powder from the BCS in the wake of misappropriated funds by then-president John Junker, including hoity-toity golf club memberships, car allowances and treks to a Phoenix gentlemen’s club. However, after the trial, the game kept its certification, but lost its sponsor and starting next year, must be held before New Year’s Day…and be forever known as the Discover Card “Peggy” Bowl!...State 44 Stanford 38
JAN. 3
ALLSTATE SUGAR (@New Orleans, LA):
#13 Michigan over #17 Virginia Tech giving 2 ½ (51): Hokies were Euro-ripping 3-9 ATS, but suffered only two SU losses, both to inconsistent Clemson squad. Both teams hopin’ to erase memories of bad losses in 2010 post-season, run the ball well and limit opponents’ scoring opportunities (VT and Michigan ranked 8th and 9th respectively in points-against). Tech gets advantage in the passing aspect. Hokies have won only two of last five post-season outings and it’s been a good start to the Brady Hoke era in Ann Arbor, averaging almost 35 ppg and covering 9 of 12. We’ll take Denard Robinson and RB Shaw to drag out a few scoring drives and keep Frank Beamer’s defense on the field longer than it wants to be…Big Blue 27 VT 20
JAN. 4
DISCOVER ORANGE (@ Miami, FL):
#14 Clemson over #23 West Virginia giving 3 ½ (60 ½): No confidence in a side or a total here (though we lean very slightly toward the “under”). Conference tie-ins pretty much doomed this bowl and though we’ve opposed the BCS-buster vs. BCS-buster match-ups of bowls-past, we’d rather have seen Boise State face Houston here than this snoozer-pairing of iffy “champions” from the ACC and Big East. Soap-box sermon over, now back to our regularly-scheduled analysis…Mounted Ears have dropped last two bowls by 12 and 16. WVU’s last four regular-season games were decided by 3 or less, with ‘Eers winning last three SU. We don’t know what to make of Clemson, but Tigers did win four of five SU/ATS vs. the ranked teams they played this year. Both squads come in currently 8-12 ATS vs. non-conference. West Virginia touts Gino Smith’s arm at quarterback and almost 460 passing yards per game. Clemson throws for almost 441 yards per tilt. Tigers, though scoring no more than 17 in losing 3 of last 5, looked good throughout most of the year. West Virginia never got much traction until November…Clemson 31 WVU 27
JAN. 6
AT&T COTTON (@ Arlington, TX):
#11 Kansas State over #7 Arkansas taking 7 ½ (62 ½): UPSET PICK OF DA’ BOWLS. Wildcats are back in preferred role as sizable ‘dogs and the only two outright defeats came at the hands of Oklahoma and Oklahoma State. With lotsa’ juniors on this squad, watch out for K-State next season! KSU can win the lowest-scoring, tight defensive battle or the shoot-out (with a bias toward the latter), playing to the level of its competition. ‘Cats covered 9 of 11 this season and while this is not a true “road” game, the Feral Felines have covered 14 of last 18 getting points outside Manhattan. Pigs score bunches, but not unlike Oklahoma State, feature a porous defense and have gone 1-3 ATS, with only SU bowl win coming vs. East Carolina in OT after 2009 campaign. Bacon managed a 4-point neutral site win over Texas A&M earlier this year…Kansas State 37 Arkansas 34
JAN. 7
BBVA COMPASS (@Birmingham, AL):
Pittsburgh over Southern Methodist giving 3 ½ (47): Given Louisville’s 7-point bowl loss to NC State, 6-6 Panthers’ best “win” mighta’ been the 1-point loss at West Virginia during Thanksgiving. Pitt QB Tino Sunseri has a lot of fellow-seniors on the O-line to protect him vs. sawbuck-shredding Ponies, who went just 3-9 ATS, including current 0-6 demise and a loss to Army while laying a TD. SMU also lost 4 of last 6 SU, scoring no more than 17 in any of ‘em. We like what June Jones has done for the program and Mustangs boast a road win over TCU on the resume, but…Pitt 23 SMU 14
JAN. 8
GODADDY.COM (@ Mobile, AL):
Northern Illinois over Arkansas State taking 1 ½ (63): A minor bowl taking place well-after most of the big ones are done, but it still matches conference champions…ASU out of the Fun Belt and Huskies from the MAC. First bowl for State since 2005. Middle of Red Wolves defensive line is young and that could be a problem vs. potent NIU rushing game. The remainder of the D is, however, experienced. Sun Belt winners are solid on both sides of the ball and ran the conference table following non-conference losses at Illinois and Virginia Tech. NIU scored total of 41 points over last games after exceeding that in nearly any single game prior to that. Both sides have been in shootouts. ASU went 9-2 ATS, NIU just 4-7, but…Huskies 44 ASU 37
JAN. 9
ALLSTATE BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME (@ New Orleans, LA):
#2 Alabama over #1 Louisiana State taking 1 (40): Long before kickoff, this one will have analyzed and probably criticized to death, but the only stats that matter here are the 9-6 OT win in Tuscaloosa by the Bengals and the two mssed Tide FGs that got ‘em that victory. Pressure’s on LSU to prove it deserved the win, but like last year’s national champ Auburn, a little luck is always part of the formula to win it all. Nothing since that game suggests this game won’t stay “under” the total and kicking troubles continued for ‘Bama after the first meeting. If we was Les Miles, we’d talk the ref into callin’ timeouts during pre-game practice kicks just to get inside the Tide kicker's head and would burn more everytime he lined up for so much as a kickoff or an XP. As we noted earlier this year, LSU’s only bowl defeat in six previous seasons under Miles came vs. Penn State. ‘Bama’s won three of their four, clobbering #2 Texas in the ’09 BCS Title game. Both teams are deserving of the crown and we’re just hopin’ for another great game…Reauxll Tide 17 Bengals 15
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, scientists recently suggested they think they’ve isolated the “God particle”. We weren’t aware they’d been studying Tebow’s DNA!
After throwin’ four picks in the loss to Buffalo, suddenly-Tinier Tim said, “…Hopefully, we can get in the tournament.” At this pace, we see the Broncos makin’ the Big Dance as a 14-seed and goin’ one-and-done!
We offer a few apologies to Bruno Mars and take a few liberties with the lyrics to “Grenade”, crooning…“What ya don’t understannnnd is…. I’d get Brett Favre in a traaaaaaaade fer ya…..ride the bench ‘til he plaaaaayed fer yaaaaa….We’d stop the Rose Bowl paraaaaaade fer ya….oooh-oooh-oooh-ooooooh…I would go through alllllll this paaaaaainnnnn… watch my parlay go downnn the draaaaaaaain…. Yes, I would die for ya, baaaaaaaby…but you won’t do the same…If my forecast was on fiiiiiire….oooooooh, you’d watch it burn down in flame…You said you’d bet, but you’re a liar ‘cause you never…ever..everrrrrrrrr…did, Baby!”
Hell…we’d even spray Vindy’s Picks with some *Glaaaaaaade* fer ya…
U.S. credit got lowered in August from AAA to AA. The football team, however, now faces FCS squads such UMass and Appalachian State and with a little luck, at this pace, could be a provisional I-A WAC team facing the likes of Colorado State in the San Diego Federal Credit Union Bowl in the 2013 post-season! The Little Sisters of the Poor have already made it clear they don’t play Boise State, but they might sign just put U.S. Credit on the schedule!
An April 2011 edition of the Penn State Alumni newswire included a blurb entitled “$10M gift endows dean’s chair, ethics director”. By golly, this proud alum is happy (Valley???!!!) that we have a well-endowed dean’s chair and similarly-enhanced individual overseeing the Ethics Department! The visual, however, really haunts your humble host! (Yeah, yeah! Save the hate-mail. This item came out well-before revelations of the current troubles in State College!).
Given the difficulties of Heisman Trophy winners at the next level, we predict the absence of the highly-coveted hardware from the display case of LSU CB Tyrann Mathieu means a long and prosperous NFL career for the Homey Bencher...um…Hominy Belcher…Honey Blancher...er…Hyundai Bender???!!!.
The Monday-night Steelers-Niners game in San Francisco earlier this month suffered a couple of lengthy blackouts. We think that’s taking “candlestick” a bit too far, don’t you? Big Ben tossed a pair of early picks in that game. That’s what happens when ya wrap the ankle and the ball with phosphorescent tape! There’s a proposal afoot to build a new venue for the home team in Santa Clara. The Broncos, who shut down their gridiron squad in 1993, might have somethin’ to say about that.
Last January, Jets strength & conditioning coach and part-time special teams…er…um…”contributor”…Sal Alosi, who tripped an opposing punt-returner, resigned. Historians have learned that ancestors of the deposed mentor stood near the track and used their knees to cause the wheels to come off opposing chariots during races in ancient Rome!
On the boob tube...bettors wager on the total number of days it’ll take a crack renovation crew to turn a dumpy apartment into a rad pad in “Extreme Make-Over/Under: Home Edition”!
Madonna will play this season’s Super Bowl halftime. In honor of the Material Girl, kick-returners wanting to signal a fair-catch, instead of raising their arms above their heads, must…vogue!
Texas Governor Rick Perry said he hopes he’s the “Tim Tebow of the Iowa caucuses.” We’re not sure he could lead his camp to victory after being behind in the 4th Quarter, but we figure he’ll complete at least as many passes as the Broncos quarterback!
Much ado was made over North Korea’s ability to hide the death of Kim Jong Il from the world for two days. So what???!!! Some NFL teams don’t release injury information. The communist nation coulda’ broadcast footage of “Dear Leader” bein’ carted off the field and probably kept the whole Western world in the dark for another week! Can you say “Weekend at Kim Jong Il’s”???!!!!
Oh sure. Your fave team’s linemen can run-block and pass-block, but can they…writers’ block?! Yeah…we didn’t think so! Wussies!
Vindy’s Best Bowl Bets (Part II): Part I: 1-1 (with FSU-ND total TBA) Season: 35-34-1 (.507)
Illinois-UCLA “under” 47, Virginia-Auburn “under” 49, Houston -6 ½ over Penn State, Kansas State +7 ½ over Arkansas
C’mon back one more time a few days after completion of the BCS Title tilt as we offer our bowl recap and our “leftover hash”! Vin’s now off to try out the new video game he got for Christmas....Booty-Call of Duty!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Vindy's 2011-12 Bowl Predictions Part I
FAN’S TATTOO TURNS INTO CASH COW
DENVER, Colorado (UPI)…What started out as a simple-but-reluctant, inked-skin tribute to an athlete by Juan Contreras, who did so grudgingly after losing a bet, became a lucrative business proposition for the NFL fan and now-entrepreneur, who quickly discovered other fans, bettors and non-sports-types only hoping to establish a rapport with a higher power (Editor’s note: “The Passer, The Son and The Holy Bootleg”?) would pay good money to see him bare the arm displaying his body-art homage and hold photos along with candles or incense lit by those persons while they chanted or prayed, thus becoming a human shrine to Denver quarterback Tim Tebow. Contreras only half-jokingly said he was “available for bar mitzvahs, holiday parties and kids’ birthdays!”
In related news, second-grade teachers to Professor-Emeritus-level English language department heads at prestigious universities predict the addition of the word “Tebowed” to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary by year’s end. The term is defined as an adjective indicating ”the condition resulting from the loss of certain victory during the waning moments of a competitive event in the wake of apparent divine intervention as orchestrated by an athlete of the name ‘Tebow’”!
Meanwhile, in Chicago, weeks of speculation were put to rest with the recently-leaked photos of Lindsey Lohan’s Playboy cover, which show the beleaguered actress sporting only strategically-placed excerpts from…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011-12 BOWL PREDICTIONS
(Only because Chuck Norris allows them to exist!)
DEC. 17
GILDAN NEW MEXICO (@ Albuquerque, NM): (over/under totals in parentheses)
Temple over Wyoming giving 6 ½ (49): Much respect to the Cowboys for nice 8-4 SU season (including three outright wins as dogs) behind a balanced offense led by freshman Brett Smith, who boasts 18-8 passing TD-to-INT ratio. Owls, however, have nation’s third-best scoring defense, with only LSU and ‘Bama yielding fewer points-per-game. In fact, Temple let only three opponents get outta’ da’ teens and pitched a pair of shutouts. We’d love to back Wyoming, but all four losses were by double-digits and Owls (8-4 this season, with 3 defeats of 4 or less, including 14-10 loss to Vindy’s alma mater) have something to prove after being snubbed for a bowl last year despite 8-4 record…Temple 34 Wyoming 20
FAMOUS IDAHO POTATO (@ Boise, ID):
Ohio over Utah State taking 2 ½ (57 ½): Aggies going to first post-season extravaganza in 14 years… Unfortunately, it turns out to be in Boise, Idaho! Bobblecats went 9-4 SU on the year, with three of those losses by combined 7 points, including a big stop-effort vs. potent Northern Illinois in the MAC title game. USU scored at least 21 in each contest and averaged 34 over last seven tilts that saw a five-game SU win-streak to close out the regular-season. Third straight bowl for Ohio and we’ll take the experience over Aggies squad under a first-year coach and which lost all three of its non-conference games…Ohio 24 USU 21
R+L CARRIERS NEW ORLEANS (@ New Orleans, LA):
Louisiana-Lafayette over San Diego State taking 5 (58 ½): Ragin’ Cajuns going to second-ever bowl, and first since the Apollo 13 launch and Tom Dempsey’s NFL-record boot of 63 yards, on the strength of 8-2 record through initial ten games of the year before losing last two. Lafayette will throw early and often. SDSU stops the pass fairly-well, yielding less than 200 yards per game. ULL cover 8 of its 11 games and averaged 32.3 ppg. Aztecs scored almost 30 per game while allowing less than 20 just three times, so we lean toward the “over”. Cajuns could win this if they can limit several State drives to FG attempts, where Aztecs have hit only 5 of 13 (with 3 makes coming inside 29 yards). Will the Aztecs spend too much time enticing the local N’awlins fauna into showing them their…uh…X’s and O’s????... Cajuns 34 SDSU 32
DEC. 20
BEEF O’BRADY’S ST. PETERSBURG (@ St. Petersburg, FL):
Florida International over Marshall giving 4 (51): Panthers, at 8-4 SU, in second bowl game (beating Toledo last season), while Herd had to beat East Carolina in OT in the regular-season finale to get eligible. Both teams won at Louisville early in the season (FIU by 7, Herd by 4) FIU went thru mid-season 6-game ATS skid before covering last three and suffered only two defeats in conference play…to Sun Belt champ Arkansas State and runner-up Western Kentucky. Marshall was spanked in 5 of its 6 losses (by 20 or more) and International’s good on defense.…FIU 29 Marshall 17
DEC. 21
SAN DIEGO COUNTY CREDIT UNION POINSETTIA (@ San Diego, CA):
Louisiana Tech over #16 Texas Christian taking 10 ½ (55 ½): We expect a motivation problem for the Toads, who’ve landed here despite being Mountain Jest champions and having a lone loss by 2-points to now-ranked Baylor in the opener. TCU has dropped just one other game over the past three seasons. Frogs went just 5-6 against the line this year and though won 5 of last 6 bowls, did not cover the latest three. Only double-digit post-season victory was in ’06 over Northern Illinois. Bulldogs covered 10 of 11 this season and by 2 at CUSA champ Southern Miss, 1 to Houston and 6 at Mississippi State (and beat Ole Miss by 20!). Froggies are packing usual strong offense, scoring over 40 ppg, but the D is down a notch from previous editions, yielding over 21 per game…TCU 37 Weeziana Tech 34
DEC. 22
MAACO LAS VEGAS (@ Sin City, NV):
Arizona State over #8 Boise State taking 14 (65): After the missed kick that dropped Boise (1 or fewer losses for the 4th consecutive season) from BCS bowl consideration and relegated them to this Vegas trip, Broncos (on current 0-6 ATS slide) could display the apathy we anticipate by the aforementioned TCU team. Devils, who were ranked early but finished just 6-6 overall in a weak PAC-12 conference after allowing 33 ppg to lose four of last six games, provide Boise with another BCS conference team to defeat and the opportunity to showcase Kellen Moore again, but…BSU 36 ASU 27
DEC. 24
SHERATON HAWAII (@ Honolulu, HI):
#22 Southern Miss over Nevada-Reno giving 6 ½ (61): “Over” looks good here as both teams sport big offenses …. both in the top 13 in yardage, with Reno scoring 37 or more in more than half its games while SoMiss averaged 41 ppg from Game Three forward this year, covering 8 of last 10. Eagles, who were only club to take down high-flyin’ Houston (holding the Coogs to 28 points) and won CUSA as a result, aren’t terribly impressive vs. non-conference (currently 3-9 ATS), will lose Coach Fedora to North Carolina after the game and might be more-wowed by paradise than Wolfpack club that plays in the Islands every other year. UNR is about fifty-fifty ATS overall, but has dropped 3 of last 4 bowls outright, covering none. ‘Pack will lean slightly toward the run, but if either of its two quarterbacks makes an errant throw, we note USM has returned 8 of 18 picks for touchdowns…SoMiss 41 Reno 33
DEC. 26
ADVOCARE V100 INDEPENDENCE (@ Shreveport, LA):
Missouri over North Carolina giving 4 ½ (53 ½): No faith in either side and total is outta’ the question since Tarheels’ scoring has been all over the board. In consecutive weeks, UNC put up 49 on Wake Forest then followed up with a goose-egg vs. NC State. Tigers scoring defense took a step backward, going from 16 ppg in 2010 to 25.6 ppg allowed this year (23+ per tilt factoring in shutout vs. AA Western Illinois). Mizzou beat 3 of 5 ranked opponents. UNC faced three Top 25 teams (all ACC as well) and lost, on the road, to all of ‘em. Tigers are the hotter squad, winning 4 of their final 5 matches, with a 3-point loss at Baylor. UNC started well, grabbing five victories by mid-October, but fell in two of last four. Let’s confuse the issue just a bit more…Missouri has beaten the line just three of last eleven on neutral ground…Mizzou 27 UNC 20
DEC. 27
LITTLE CAESARS (@ Detroit, MI):
Western Michigan over Purdue taking 2 ½ (61): No strong opinion here as Purdue started the year edging Middle Tennessee and losing to Rice, but we suspect it’s another game in which “over” the total makes sense. Western Michigan, even without starting QB Carder for regular-season-ending game vs. Akron, broke 60 in two of last three and only three Purdue foes scored less than 24. Boilers are 0-fer-last seven vs. non-conference teams, though this is a very short line. Boilers won two of last three to get here. Third Big Tenderloin squad WMU has faced on the season, getting blasted at Michigan and losing by 3 at then-ranked Illinois. Not sure why you’d actually watch this one unless you’re an alum of either institution and two days after presents have been opened, the kids have abandoned the Glock Me, Elmo to the dogs, who’ve shredded said-toy beyond all recognition, leaving the shavings of a filed-off serial number and some polyester stuffing as evidence, but if you do, look for Broncos to go for it on 4th Down, having converted 17 of 22 in that situation on the year …WMU 41 Purdue 31
BELK (@ Charlotte, NC):
Louisville over NC State taking 2 ½ (45 ½): NCSU coach Tom O’Brien has prepared his teams well-enough to win 7 of their last eight bowl games (including six straight seasons at Boston College), by three or more in 6 of those victories, including a 23-7 win last year over West Virginia. That fact is probably driving the money coming in on the Wolfpack to increase the line. Neither team got off to a banner start. Da’ Ville struggled with a lot of new faces on offense and youth on both sides of the ball. State’s only wins in the first five games came vs. two FCS clubs. Cards rallied to win five of six. ‘Pack has been inconsistent all year. We prefer “under” the total, but we’ll say…Louisville 20 NC State 19
DEC. 28
MILITARY BOWL PRESENTED BY NORTHROP GRUMMAN (@ Washington, DC):
Toledo over Air Force giving 3 (70): The Flight Platoon does not share the propensity of the Middies to cover as dogs away from the respective academy and as previously-noted, USAF already has its desired hardware. Pilots pounded weaker opponents and improved on both sides of the ball over last five games, but that was against Army and lesser-MWC opponents. Rockets just lost HC Beckman to Illinois, but replaced him with the offensive coordinator. Potent Toledo has as many rushing TDs as passing scores (31) and boasts a 92% success rate in the red zone. Air Force will need to grind it out to have any shot here. Toledo is a nice plus-16 in turnovers. Flyboys broke even in that category …Spacemen 44 Air Force 34
BRIDGEPOINT EDUCATION HOLIDAY (@ San Diego, CA):
California over Texas taking 3 (47): Bears haven’t played a true home game this season, playing at AT&T Park when not on the road. Cal won four of last six following three straight excusable defeats to Washington, Oregon and USC and covered 5 of last 6 (only two as a dog). ‘Horns have been inconsistent all season, though we note all five losses came vs. teams who are or were ranked during the year. Steers struggle in the red zone, scoring on just 73.47% of their trips inside the 20, while allowing opponents to do so 86% of the time. Texas is contemplating creation of an “unmanned port of entry”. In our experience, that situation creates one of two things…1) a successful draw play or 2) a sack!...Berkeley 23 Texas 20
DEC. 29
CHAMPS SPORTS (Orlando, FL):
#25 Florida State over Notre Dame giving 3 (61): Both squads fell off the national radar quickly with early-season losses, but ‘Noles made a furious charge at the ACC Championship that came up a bit short, but saw them beat opponents by an average margin of 16 ppg. Irish got bashed by the better teams they faced and were sloppy with the ball, going -11 in turnover margin in their defeats. Injuns will have to stop ND running game that produced 25 touchdowns, but have more experience than the Catholics and have won 18 of 26 under Jimbo Fisher…Chop 26 Rudy 19
VALERO ALAMO (@ San Antonio, TX):
Washington over #15 Baylor taking 9 (78): The “over” will likely be a popular wager, with Baylor games exceeding the total in 9 of 11, but Da’ Bears didn’t score nearly as much away from Waco (36+ per game) as they did on the homefield (48-and-change per game). RG# and his teammates on offense wield a big stick, but the stop-squad yields tons to opponents. Huskies have recorded first back-to-back winning SU years since ’01-’02, but went 1-3 ATS vs. ranked teams, losing by 13, 17, 17 and 44 (at Stanford). Bears gave up 24 to anemic Texas team. Heisman Trophy winner Griffin grabs Bears’ 10th outright victory then declares himself eligible as an underclassman for April’s pro draft, but neither team excites us ATS vs. non-conference, so we’ll go with…Baylor 37 UDUB 31
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, the Lohan pictures not only gave the world a premature view of the much-anticipated layout for the world-famous gentlemen’s mag, they also provided bettors an early look at Vindy’s post-season predictions and sent sportsbooks scurrying to adjust their lines before the onslaught.
The former child fashion model also explained she does nude pics because it gives her “confidence”. Needing a little self-esteem boost himself, Vindicator is wearin’ nuthin’ but Old Spice as we speak!
Hallmark now makes a recordable storybook. How ‘bout a nice recordable playbook for that special player in your life so they can hear Coach’s voice, “even when he’s gone back to Nevada!????”
For Christmas, Vindicator wants a pair of Freudian slippers, which call out someone else’s name every time you get into them!
Also hopefully finding its way under Weber’s tree…the latest version of a popular military shoot-‘em-up that takes place on campuses from Laramie, Wyoming to Las Vegas to Albuquerque, New Mexico…Call of Duty: MWC!
As the Las Vegas Bowl celebrates its 20th anniversary, we point out that the post-season extravaganza is officially-known as the “MAACO Bowl of Las Vegas”. Given that the entire sponsor-company name is actually MAACO Car Repair and Auto Painting, we understand the use of the shortened version since the extended acronym would be… MAACO CRAP!
The Mountain Jest Conference just sent a letter to the powers-that-be asking for a BCS bid. The letter started out…”Dear Santa...”
We salute the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky, who after going 4-32 SU in first three years of live-fire I-A competition, posted a 7-5 record, including a 6-1 Shun Belt tally that put ‘em in second-place behind only Arkansas State and did not get a bowl bid, while FIU and Weeziana-Lafayette are in post-season tilts on the strength of 8-4 overall records, but finished behind WKU in conference play.
Vegas big-wig Steve Wynn has won his bid this week to build a casino resort in Foxboro, Massachusetts right next to Gillette Stadium. Vindy’s spies indicate gamblers win jackpots if their slot-machines line-up three Tom Brady interceptions!
In April, ex-University of San Diego players and an assistant coach were indicted in a point-shaving scheme and on charges of intent to distribute marijuana (2008 thru early 2010). Hmmm…were those events hyped as “Hoops for Hemp”? “Misses for MaryJane?” “Clanks for Cannabis???!!!” “Air-Balls for Blunts???!!!”
Days before the infamous airing of the “Fab Five” documentary in March, ESPN analyst Jalen Rose was arrested on DUI suspicion. Seems the former Dukie had a few too many Uncle Tom Collins before getting behind the wheel!
Vindy’s Best Part I Bowl Bets: Last Week: 1-0 Season: 34-33-1 (.507)
Louisiana Tech +10 ½ over Texas Christian, Southern Miss-UNR “over” 61, Florida State-Notre Dame “under” 61
We’ll return on or around December 29 with our thoughts on the remaining games, our “lock of da’ bowls” and more holiday “hash”!
We extend our annual holiday greeting to the readership…”Pass on Earth. Goodwill toward linemen.”
DENVER, Colorado (UPI)…What started out as a simple-but-reluctant, inked-skin tribute to an athlete by Juan Contreras, who did so grudgingly after losing a bet, became a lucrative business proposition for the NFL fan and now-entrepreneur, who quickly discovered other fans, bettors and non-sports-types only hoping to establish a rapport with a higher power (Editor’s note: “The Passer, The Son and The Holy Bootleg”?) would pay good money to see him bare the arm displaying his body-art homage and hold photos along with candles or incense lit by those persons while they chanted or prayed, thus becoming a human shrine to Denver quarterback Tim Tebow. Contreras only half-jokingly said he was “available for bar mitzvahs, holiday parties and kids’ birthdays!”
In related news, second-grade teachers to Professor-Emeritus-level English language department heads at prestigious universities predict the addition of the word “Tebowed” to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary by year’s end. The term is defined as an adjective indicating ”the condition resulting from the loss of certain victory during the waning moments of a competitive event in the wake of apparent divine intervention as orchestrated by an athlete of the name ‘Tebow’”!
Meanwhile, in Chicago, weeks of speculation were put to rest with the recently-leaked photos of Lindsey Lohan’s Playboy cover, which show the beleaguered actress sporting only strategically-placed excerpts from…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011-12 BOWL PREDICTIONS
(Only because Chuck Norris allows them to exist!)
DEC. 17
GILDAN NEW MEXICO (@ Albuquerque, NM): (over/under totals in parentheses)
Temple over Wyoming giving 6 ½ (49): Much respect to the Cowboys for nice 8-4 SU season (including three outright wins as dogs) behind a balanced offense led by freshman Brett Smith, who boasts 18-8 passing TD-to-INT ratio. Owls, however, have nation’s third-best scoring defense, with only LSU and ‘Bama yielding fewer points-per-game. In fact, Temple let only three opponents get outta’ da’ teens and pitched a pair of shutouts. We’d love to back Wyoming, but all four losses were by double-digits and Owls (8-4 this season, with 3 defeats of 4 or less, including 14-10 loss to Vindy’s alma mater) have something to prove after being snubbed for a bowl last year despite 8-4 record…Temple 34 Wyoming 20
FAMOUS IDAHO POTATO (@ Boise, ID):
Ohio over Utah State taking 2 ½ (57 ½): Aggies going to first post-season extravaganza in 14 years… Unfortunately, it turns out to be in Boise, Idaho! Bobblecats went 9-4 SU on the year, with three of those losses by combined 7 points, including a big stop-effort vs. potent Northern Illinois in the MAC title game. USU scored at least 21 in each contest and averaged 34 over last seven tilts that saw a five-game SU win-streak to close out the regular-season. Third straight bowl for Ohio and we’ll take the experience over Aggies squad under a first-year coach and which lost all three of its non-conference games…Ohio 24 USU 21
R+L CARRIERS NEW ORLEANS (@ New Orleans, LA):
Louisiana-Lafayette over San Diego State taking 5 (58 ½): Ragin’ Cajuns going to second-ever bowl, and first since the Apollo 13 launch and Tom Dempsey’s NFL-record boot of 63 yards, on the strength of 8-2 record through initial ten games of the year before losing last two. Lafayette will throw early and often. SDSU stops the pass fairly-well, yielding less than 200 yards per game. ULL cover 8 of its 11 games and averaged 32.3 ppg. Aztecs scored almost 30 per game while allowing less than 20 just three times, so we lean toward the “over”. Cajuns could win this if they can limit several State drives to FG attempts, where Aztecs have hit only 5 of 13 (with 3 makes coming inside 29 yards). Will the Aztecs spend too much time enticing the local N’awlins fauna into showing them their…uh…X’s and O’s????... Cajuns 34 SDSU 32
DEC. 20
BEEF O’BRADY’S ST. PETERSBURG (@ St. Petersburg, FL):
Florida International over Marshall giving 4 (51): Panthers, at 8-4 SU, in second bowl game (beating Toledo last season), while Herd had to beat East Carolina in OT in the regular-season finale to get eligible. Both teams won at Louisville early in the season (FIU by 7, Herd by 4) FIU went thru mid-season 6-game ATS skid before covering last three and suffered only two defeats in conference play…to Sun Belt champ Arkansas State and runner-up Western Kentucky. Marshall was spanked in 5 of its 6 losses (by 20 or more) and International’s good on defense.…FIU 29 Marshall 17
DEC. 21
SAN DIEGO COUNTY CREDIT UNION POINSETTIA (@ San Diego, CA):
Louisiana Tech over #16 Texas Christian taking 10 ½ (55 ½): We expect a motivation problem for the Toads, who’ve landed here despite being Mountain Jest champions and having a lone loss by 2-points to now-ranked Baylor in the opener. TCU has dropped just one other game over the past three seasons. Frogs went just 5-6 against the line this year and though won 5 of last 6 bowls, did not cover the latest three. Only double-digit post-season victory was in ’06 over Northern Illinois. Bulldogs covered 10 of 11 this season and by 2 at CUSA champ Southern Miss, 1 to Houston and 6 at Mississippi State (and beat Ole Miss by 20!). Froggies are packing usual strong offense, scoring over 40 ppg, but the D is down a notch from previous editions, yielding over 21 per game…TCU 37 Weeziana Tech 34
DEC. 22
MAACO LAS VEGAS (@ Sin City, NV):
Arizona State over #8 Boise State taking 14 (65): After the missed kick that dropped Boise (1 or fewer losses for the 4th consecutive season) from BCS bowl consideration and relegated them to this Vegas trip, Broncos (on current 0-6 ATS slide) could display the apathy we anticipate by the aforementioned TCU team. Devils, who were ranked early but finished just 6-6 overall in a weak PAC-12 conference after allowing 33 ppg to lose four of last six games, provide Boise with another BCS conference team to defeat and the opportunity to showcase Kellen Moore again, but…BSU 36 ASU 27
DEC. 24
SHERATON HAWAII (@ Honolulu, HI):
#22 Southern Miss over Nevada-Reno giving 6 ½ (61): “Over” looks good here as both teams sport big offenses …. both in the top 13 in yardage, with Reno scoring 37 or more in more than half its games while SoMiss averaged 41 ppg from Game Three forward this year, covering 8 of last 10. Eagles, who were only club to take down high-flyin’ Houston (holding the Coogs to 28 points) and won CUSA as a result, aren’t terribly impressive vs. non-conference (currently 3-9 ATS), will lose Coach Fedora to North Carolina after the game and might be more-wowed by paradise than Wolfpack club that plays in the Islands every other year. UNR is about fifty-fifty ATS overall, but has dropped 3 of last 4 bowls outright, covering none. ‘Pack will lean slightly toward the run, but if either of its two quarterbacks makes an errant throw, we note USM has returned 8 of 18 picks for touchdowns…SoMiss 41 Reno 33
DEC. 26
ADVOCARE V100 INDEPENDENCE (@ Shreveport, LA):
Missouri over North Carolina giving 4 ½ (53 ½): No faith in either side and total is outta’ the question since Tarheels’ scoring has been all over the board. In consecutive weeks, UNC put up 49 on Wake Forest then followed up with a goose-egg vs. NC State. Tigers scoring defense took a step backward, going from 16 ppg in 2010 to 25.6 ppg allowed this year (23+ per tilt factoring in shutout vs. AA Western Illinois). Mizzou beat 3 of 5 ranked opponents. UNC faced three Top 25 teams (all ACC as well) and lost, on the road, to all of ‘em. Tigers are the hotter squad, winning 4 of their final 5 matches, with a 3-point loss at Baylor. UNC started well, grabbing five victories by mid-October, but fell in two of last four. Let’s confuse the issue just a bit more…Missouri has beaten the line just three of last eleven on neutral ground…Mizzou 27 UNC 20
DEC. 27
LITTLE CAESARS (@ Detroit, MI):
Western Michigan over Purdue taking 2 ½ (61): No strong opinion here as Purdue started the year edging Middle Tennessee and losing to Rice, but we suspect it’s another game in which “over” the total makes sense. Western Michigan, even without starting QB Carder for regular-season-ending game vs. Akron, broke 60 in two of last three and only three Purdue foes scored less than 24. Boilers are 0-fer-last seven vs. non-conference teams, though this is a very short line. Boilers won two of last three to get here. Third Big Tenderloin squad WMU has faced on the season, getting blasted at Michigan and losing by 3 at then-ranked Illinois. Not sure why you’d actually watch this one unless you’re an alum of either institution and two days after presents have been opened, the kids have abandoned the Glock Me, Elmo to the dogs, who’ve shredded said-toy beyond all recognition, leaving the shavings of a filed-off serial number and some polyester stuffing as evidence, but if you do, look for Broncos to go for it on 4th Down, having converted 17 of 22 in that situation on the year …WMU 41 Purdue 31
BELK (@ Charlotte, NC):
Louisville over NC State taking 2 ½ (45 ½): NCSU coach Tom O’Brien has prepared his teams well-enough to win 7 of their last eight bowl games (including six straight seasons at Boston College), by three or more in 6 of those victories, including a 23-7 win last year over West Virginia. That fact is probably driving the money coming in on the Wolfpack to increase the line. Neither team got off to a banner start. Da’ Ville struggled with a lot of new faces on offense and youth on both sides of the ball. State’s only wins in the first five games came vs. two FCS clubs. Cards rallied to win five of six. ‘Pack has been inconsistent all year. We prefer “under” the total, but we’ll say…Louisville 20 NC State 19
DEC. 28
MILITARY BOWL PRESENTED BY NORTHROP GRUMMAN (@ Washington, DC):
Toledo over Air Force giving 3 (70): The Flight Platoon does not share the propensity of the Middies to cover as dogs away from the respective academy and as previously-noted, USAF already has its desired hardware. Pilots pounded weaker opponents and improved on both sides of the ball over last five games, but that was against Army and lesser-MWC opponents. Rockets just lost HC Beckman to Illinois, but replaced him with the offensive coordinator. Potent Toledo has as many rushing TDs as passing scores (31) and boasts a 92% success rate in the red zone. Air Force will need to grind it out to have any shot here. Toledo is a nice plus-16 in turnovers. Flyboys broke even in that category …Spacemen 44 Air Force 34
BRIDGEPOINT EDUCATION HOLIDAY (@ San Diego, CA):
California over Texas taking 3 (47): Bears haven’t played a true home game this season, playing at AT&T Park when not on the road. Cal won four of last six following three straight excusable defeats to Washington, Oregon and USC and covered 5 of last 6 (only two as a dog). ‘Horns have been inconsistent all season, though we note all five losses came vs. teams who are or were ranked during the year. Steers struggle in the red zone, scoring on just 73.47% of their trips inside the 20, while allowing opponents to do so 86% of the time. Texas is contemplating creation of an “unmanned port of entry”. In our experience, that situation creates one of two things…1) a successful draw play or 2) a sack!...Berkeley 23 Texas 20
DEC. 29
CHAMPS SPORTS (Orlando, FL):
#25 Florida State over Notre Dame giving 3 (61): Both squads fell off the national radar quickly with early-season losses, but ‘Noles made a furious charge at the ACC Championship that came up a bit short, but saw them beat opponents by an average margin of 16 ppg. Irish got bashed by the better teams they faced and were sloppy with the ball, going -11 in turnover margin in their defeats. Injuns will have to stop ND running game that produced 25 touchdowns, but have more experience than the Catholics and have won 18 of 26 under Jimbo Fisher…Chop 26 Rudy 19
VALERO ALAMO (@ San Antonio, TX):
Washington over #15 Baylor taking 9 (78): The “over” will likely be a popular wager, with Baylor games exceeding the total in 9 of 11, but Da’ Bears didn’t score nearly as much away from Waco (36+ per game) as they did on the homefield (48-and-change per game). RG# and his teammates on offense wield a big stick, but the stop-squad yields tons to opponents. Huskies have recorded first back-to-back winning SU years since ’01-’02, but went 1-3 ATS vs. ranked teams, losing by 13, 17, 17 and 44 (at Stanford). Bears gave up 24 to anemic Texas team. Heisman Trophy winner Griffin grabs Bears’ 10th outright victory then declares himself eligible as an underclassman for April’s pro draft, but neither team excites us ATS vs. non-conference, so we’ll go with…Baylor 37 UDUB 31
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, the Lohan pictures not only gave the world a premature view of the much-anticipated layout for the world-famous gentlemen’s mag, they also provided bettors an early look at Vindy’s post-season predictions and sent sportsbooks scurrying to adjust their lines before the onslaught.
The former child fashion model also explained she does nude pics because it gives her “confidence”. Needing a little self-esteem boost himself, Vindicator is wearin’ nuthin’ but Old Spice as we speak!
Hallmark now makes a recordable storybook. How ‘bout a nice recordable playbook for that special player in your life so they can hear Coach’s voice, “even when he’s gone back to Nevada!????”
For Christmas, Vindicator wants a pair of Freudian slippers, which call out someone else’s name every time you get into them!
Also hopefully finding its way under Weber’s tree…the latest version of a popular military shoot-‘em-up that takes place on campuses from Laramie, Wyoming to Las Vegas to Albuquerque, New Mexico…Call of Duty: MWC!
As the Las Vegas Bowl celebrates its 20th anniversary, we point out that the post-season extravaganza is officially-known as the “MAACO Bowl of Las Vegas”. Given that the entire sponsor-company name is actually MAACO Car Repair and Auto Painting, we understand the use of the shortened version since the extended acronym would be… MAACO CRAP!
The Mountain Jest Conference just sent a letter to the powers-that-be asking for a BCS bid. The letter started out…”Dear Santa...”
We salute the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky, who after going 4-32 SU in first three years of live-fire I-A competition, posted a 7-5 record, including a 6-1 Shun Belt tally that put ‘em in second-place behind only Arkansas State and did not get a bowl bid, while FIU and Weeziana-Lafayette are in post-season tilts on the strength of 8-4 overall records, but finished behind WKU in conference play.
Vegas big-wig Steve Wynn has won his bid this week to build a casino resort in Foxboro, Massachusetts right next to Gillette Stadium. Vindy’s spies indicate gamblers win jackpots if their slot-machines line-up three Tom Brady interceptions!
In April, ex-University of San Diego players and an assistant coach were indicted in a point-shaving scheme and on charges of intent to distribute marijuana (2008 thru early 2010). Hmmm…were those events hyped as “Hoops for Hemp”? “Misses for MaryJane?” “Clanks for Cannabis???!!!” “Air-Balls for Blunts???!!!”
Days before the infamous airing of the “Fab Five” documentary in March, ESPN analyst Jalen Rose was arrested on DUI suspicion. Seems the former Dukie had a few too many Uncle Tom Collins before getting behind the wheel!
Vindy’s Best Part I Bowl Bets: Last Week: 1-0 Season: 34-33-1 (.507)
Louisiana Tech +10 ½ over Texas Christian, Southern Miss-UNR “over” 61, Florida State-Notre Dame “under” 61
We’ll return on or around December 29 with our thoughts on the remaining games, our “lock of da’ bowls” and more holiday “hash”!
We extend our annual holiday greeting to the readership…”Pass on Earth. Goodwill toward linemen.”
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