WASHINGTON, District of Columbia (Reuters)....Want to be part of "We, the People...", then "know the pigskin" say administrators of the latest U.S. citizenship exam. Under fire for test questions that are reportedly "too easy" or "irrelevant", the Department of Homeland Security altered the exam to include facets of popular American sports culture. Citizen-wannabes now have to "tackle" such questions as "How many games make up the BCS Bowls?", "Name an SEC team." and "What actor led the inmates to a gridiron victory over the guards in the movie "The Longest Yard"? Applicants can also score extra points for correctly answering such trivia as , "In what city does Duke play its home games?"and "If you get thrown under ‘The Bus’, what former Steeler runs you over?" (Answers later in this forecast).
Vindicator’s still in the red, but crawling back toward the black after Week Five’s 11-9-1 (44-48-2, .478)...and let’s face it, test questions about United States political history just aren’t as exciting as the ones that will be asked about...
THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 6 FORECAST
THURS. OCT. 4
#8 Kentucky over #11 SOUTH CAROLINA taking 3 1/2: ‘Cats hot enough to generate steam on the polar cap. Though SC is the more battle-tested of the two, the Poultry didn’t put Mississippi State away until the 4th Quarter. Kentucky is 4-0 ATS thus far and covered 9 of last 10 back to ‘06 season. WARNING... our forecaster extra ordinaire has correctly picked the spread winner only once in five Thursday night chances this season. (And that one correct pick was back in Week One!)...KY 24 Carolina 23
SAT. OCT. 6
#1 Louisiana State over #9 FLORIDA giving 9: Bengals have allowed a total of 22 points in first five games. Gators allowing average of nearly 20 ppg. State did miss the cover at Tulane and are one of the few top teams to not stumble thus far. Figure the LSU defense to neutralize Tebow and force someone else from Florida to beat it...Tigers 31 Florida 20
#2 SOUTHERN CAL over Stanford giving 38 1/2: Cards’ one remaining SU win left on the schedule is...Notre Dame on November 24. Trojans marching band played the intro to this year’s College Jeopardy Championship...but didn’t play it in the form of a question and will be replaced next year by the UCLA marching band...Troy 51 Trees 6
#3 California: IDLE (next vs. Oregon State)
#4 Ohio State over #23 PURDUE giving 7: Big Ten has certainly been a bit outta’ whack, but Buckeyes seem to be the one constant. Boilers 2-8 ATS last 10 vs. ranked teams and we give the edge to State for decent road triumph at Washington....Buckeyes 33 Purdue 24
#5 Wisconsin over ILLINOIS taking 2: We thought about this choice for lock. Despite 4-1straight up run, Illini still 12-39 SU over last 4+ seasons. No question, Badgers are walkin’ on the edge of the razor blade, but all they have to do is win here. Wisky hasn’t lost in Champaign since 2001. Lions out-gained Illini by almost a C-note, but coughed it up four times...Cheese-heads 20 Illini 16
FLORIDA ATLANTIC over #6 South Florida taking 15 1/2: Hey look!..It’s those Owls again! FAU has failed to cover in the last 9 times it got double-digits outside the Sun Belt. Only one of those games was at home however and that was in early 2005. Not a look-ahead spot for the Bulls, but they did struggle badly to beat Florida International and Central Florida in 2006, plus they’re off the draining Big Least win against West Virginia...USF 27 Owls 13
Bowling Green over #7 BOSTON COLLEGE taking 20 1/2: Spidey-sense tingling... whispering "upset". Maybe Eagles are licking their chops for next week’s shot at redemption against fledgling Irish. Falcons have already toppled the Gophers away and lost respectably at Michigan State...BC 28 BGU 24
#10 Oklahoma over #19 Texas giving 11 (@Dallas): Sooners 5-2 SU/ATS, but 0-2 SU/ATS last two Red River Shootouts. Raise yer hand if ya saw the Bison upset comin’!!!!! Sooners have two redshirt freshmen and a sophomore starting in the backfield. For those who’ve seen the commercial..."A stain, Oklahoma?! A Buffalo stain?! How DARE you disrespect Vindy, your COUNtry and your MA-ma!!!"...Daggone Houdinis 34 Texas 17
#12 Georgia over #TENNESSEE taking 2: This one got "lock" consideration too. Vols 2-5 ATS last 7 vs. Joja’ and giving up about 37 points per game, so unless the strategy is to win a track meet with the Bulldogs, Rocky Top needs a new plan...UGA 34 Tennessee 20
#13 West Virginia over SYRACUSE giving 25: Pat White may not start at QB for the Mountaineers. Orange 10-4 ATS vs. ranked teams since 2004, including "Holy crap!" upset over Louisville. ‘Cuse lost this one last season by 24 ...Mounties 41 Syracuse 13
#14 Oregon: IDLE (next vs. Washington State)
#15 Virginia Tech over #22 CLEMSON taking 5 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Hokies quietly regaining their composure (and their season) with three straight wins after disaster in Baton Rouge. Make it four...Tech 16 Clemson 9
#16 HAWAII over Utah State giving 40: ‘Bows are 15-8 ATS last 4 years on the Island. Aggies left whatever they had on the field last week, covering in the only game that really matters to them...Utah. Credit the Rainbow Warriors defense for last week’s cover, turning two of Idaho’s five interceptions into "pick six". Assuming Team Aloha doesn’t turn it over itself another six times (like it did last week), Hawaii should grab the spread win. Aggies are, however, 2-2-1 against the number. ‘Bows need the 60's again. They get it...HI 63 USU 20
#25 Nebraska over #17 MISSOURI taking 6 1/2: Hard to overlook Tigers’ 9-13-2 ATS record in the Big 12 last 3 years. Another test defensively for Nebraska. Children of the Corn on 0-4 ATS streak, but we like ‘em straight up here anyway ...Big Red 34 Mizzou 29
#18 Arizona State over WASHINGTON STATE giving 8 ½: For getting bashed at Arizona last week and wrecking one of Vin’s "best bet" wagers, we’ve asked that the Cougar defense be saddled with those "Hello Kitty" armbands currently being used as marks of shame in Thailand! Nothing to suggest Devils won’t light up Wazzou’s porous stoppers again...ASU 45 WSU 24
#20 Cincinnati over #21 RUTGERS taking 3 1/2: We liked it better when Cincy was gettin’ 6. Big Creased conference might come down to Cincinnati or South Florida this year! Bearkats were in the thick of Knights’ late-2006 collapse, knocking off the State Uni of New Jersey in Cincinnati. Stayin’ with hot Bearkats...WKRP 23 (unless you’re a Loni Anderson fan, look it up on the ‘Net!) Rutgers 20
#24 KANSAS STATE over Kansas giving 3: Collectively, these two are 6-0 against the line to-date. Fightin’ Manginos have the offense (and defense) in fine shape, appropriately smoking weaker opponents. State’s only blemish is 10-point defeat at Auburn. History tips this in favor of the host squad...’Cats 27 Birds 20
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Ummmm...did anybody else watchin’ the Ducks-Bears game hear one of the ESPN-on-ABC announcers say the ball "stuck to his fingers like Teflon" following a nice catch with outstretched digits by an Oregon receiver early in the game?! Yep, Vindy always reaches for the Teflon spray when he wants something to stick!
Referencing that same game, until an announcer noted the little yellow bars under each team name on the ever-present scoreboard-and-down-counter TV inset actually represent the number of time-outs each team has available, Vindicator kept wondering if somebody’s cell phone needed to be charged. (Can you cheer me now?)
JoPa said this week he’s not interested in receiving a forfeited win from Michigan if the Wolverines used an ineligible player in State’s 14-9 loss at Ann Arbor. (You tell ‘em, Joe!...We don’t need no stinkin’ forfeit!) Officials at Notre Dame, however, said they’d be "more than happy" to take that victory off Coach Paterno’s hands, free-of-charge and have Charlie Weis standing by to drive from South Bend to Happy Valley and personally pick it up!
In a related story, reassuring his team, the Lions faithful and the media that there wouldn’t be a change under center in light of critical interceptions thrown in the last two games, JoPa kept saying "Rex...um..er...I mean...Anthony... Morelli ...is our quarterback!"
The NHL regular season opened in London this past Saturday. During a game last February, Southern Cal’s goalie mooned the crowd. How Terrell Owens. got between the pipes for the Trojans without detection is still a mystery!
Former net-minder and current coach of the Oklahoma City Blazers hockey team, Doug Sauter, recently thwarted a stampede by biting the ear of a horse. Given the hockey background and uh...special skill...he demonstrated, we’re thinkin’ Doogie’s got a career in boxing!
Responding to a question about whether she would root for her hometown Cubbies or the NY Yankees if they played vs. each other in this year’s World Series, Hillary Clinton said she "would probably have to alternate sides." Yeah okay, we’ve heard that about her, but we still wanna’ know which ballclub the former First Lady would actually cheer in the October Classic!
Evander Holyfield has put out a grill, a la the George Foreman version. We hear it’s great for cookin’ ears...of corn, that is!
Back in July, the NAACP officially buried the "N-word". Who woulda’ thought the word in question was really "Notre (Dame)!"
The folks at Paul Brown Stadium in Cincinnati (home of the NFL’s Bengals) have elected to solve its pigeon problem by shooting the pesky fowl with air rifles. We heard they’re calling in VP Cheney and making some poor beer vendor stand near the flock of birds yelling, "Cooooooooo, coooooooooo!"
Exam answers: 1) Five 2) Pick one (in no particular order): Alabama, Arkansas, Auburn, LSU, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina, Ole Miss, Mississippi State, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee and Vandy 3) Burt Reynolds 4) Durham, NC 5) Jerome Bettis
Your ranking if you got...
5 correct: Head coach
4 correct: Starting QB
3 correct: Third-string defensive lineman
2 correct: Waterboy
0-1 correct: Special teams tackling dummy
"Locked in a Box?": Vindy’s now hit on 4 of 5 (.800) lock picks courtesy of the Cincinnati Bearkats!
Shoppe Talk: The previously-noted Week Five teams all posted forecast dubya’s (or at least a push in Ohio State’s case), so we welcome those Morganbillies of West Virginia and Vindy’s own Nitwit Lions to the Shoppe, both with a trio of consecutive forecast losses!
Vindy’s Week 6 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-4 (President Bush authorized Vin to invoke executive privilege to avoid explaining this) Season: 9-13 (.409)
UNR -3 1/2 over Fresno State, ARMY -6 1/2 over Tulane, WYOMING -3 over Texas Christian, Idaho +7 over SAN JOSE STATE