COLLEGE STATION, Texas (CNN)....Discovery of secret e-mails this week from an unidentified source in Stockholm, Sweden revealed that local Texas A&M boosters were not only paying to get the first look at previously-unreleased injury information each week for the hometown Aggies football team from head coach Dennis Franchione, but were also privy to advance naming of Nobel Prize winners. The boosters, noted an anonymous Nobel committee official, apparently forked over "a truckload of Kronor (the national Swedish currency)" to find out who’s getting the prestigious medals and accompanying purses for each category before the official announcements were made. Rumors also suggest these same folks have clandestine arrangements to be in the early loop for designation of recipients of the Heisman Trophy and other post-season football awards, the Oscars and yes, even the new pontiff whenever the College of Cardinals needs to tally the next set of votes for its own MVP!
Off the horrible 5-11 snafu for last week (49-59-2, .454), our odious oracle grabs some pine long enough to have the shrapnel extracted from his...uh..er...parlay card...and calls upon his favorite fuzzy forecaster, the Budweiser Ferret, to pinch-hit during...
THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 7 FORECAST
THURS. OCT. 11
#21 Florida State over WAKE FOREST giving 6: Upon further review, the bean-counters in Vindy’s accounting department revealed that the Weber Kid is actually 2-4 on Thursday night attempts (previously forgetting a second W on the opening Thursday of the season and incorrectly adding a Friday night loss to the mix). Nonetheless, even Ferret won’t touch this one. The coin likes...’Noles 20 Wake Forest 10
FRI. OCT. 12
#16 Hawaii over SAN JOSE STATE giving 18 1/2: The "logic" of this season thus far dictates that Ferret call another major upset here! OK, we ain’t doin’ that, but we have....a conspiracy theory! The New England Patriots have been masquerading as Colorado and Stanford the last two weeks and might don the Spartans unis this Saturday! Guards of the Grass Skirts are relying on second-stringer at quarterback. Baaaaaaaaah! Aloha 45 Spartans 24
SAT. OCT. 13
#1 Louisiana State over #18 KENTUCKY giving 9: Bayou Bengals have "floundered" to three straight spread defeats after opening with a trey of ATS wins. Les Miles makes his first visit to Lexington as LSU’s head coach. His predecessor, Mr. Saban, got no line joy in his three trips here. ‘Cats did well until encountering an opponent with a solid defense...LSU 35 KY 19
#2 CAL over Oregon State giving 14: Bears have lost 6 of last 8 outright to the Beavers, but whacked State hard last year. We’d consider OSU’s revenge factor here, but it just lost main-man WR Sloughter for the duration... Berkeley 30 Beavers 10
#3 OHIO STATE over Kent State giving 30 1/2: Buckeyes yielded only a safety to another MAC squad, Akron, earlier, but that cost ‘em the cover. Three turnovers were probably the only reasons Buckeyes didn’t blow Purdue out last week. Kent’s last game in Columbus resulted in a 51-17 spanking. Flashes lost by 36 at Kentucky, who doesn’t have the defense that OSU does...Buckeyes 48 Kent 7
#4 Boston College over NOTRE DAME giving 14: Eagles have taken 5 of last 6 straight up from their fellow Catholics. Golden Domers are 4th nationally in pass defense (ypg). Duh! When opponents rush for about 190 yards per game, why put it up much? Irish football players are so young, CPS recently took them away from Britney Spears and awarded custody to Kevin Federline! ...BC 37 ND 17
Central Florida over #5 SOUTH FLORIDA taking 12: Atlantic City mayor Robert Levy has gone missing under investigation for fibbing about his Vietnam service as a Green Beret. Take a peek at the Central Florida sideline. He’s down there with Marion Jones and the rest of the fakers! Looking for more of that Sunshine State rivalry magic ...Bulls 23 Knights 13
#11 Missouri over #6 OKLAHOMA taking 10: Preview of the Big 12 title game in December. Sooners backfield is so young, it’s being adopted by Angelina Jolie! We’ll back the Tigers on basis of last week’s trashing of Nebraska and neutral-site win over Illinois, who has recently dispatched rising Indiana, Penn State and Wisky... OK 31 Mizzou 27
#7 USC over Arizona giving 21: Even the mighty Troy Boys can be defeated when yielding five turnovers on the road. "Cats not showing the experience of their returning starters on defense, allowing 6 ppg more than they did this time last season...USC 52 AZ 24
Washington State over #8 OREGON taking 18: We think the Pats were playing defense for the Mallards during the first half of the Cal game, then hopped the bus outta’ town before the start of the 3rd Quarter! Oregon 21-14 ATS vs. other PAC-10 teams in last four-plus years, but this has track-meet scribbled all over it...Ducks 41 Wazzou 35
#9 West Virginia: IDLE (next vs. Mississippi State)
#10 Virginia Tech over DUKE giving 13 1/2: Forget prepping for the Hokies offense. Durham coaches should be breaking down film of Tech’s special teams! Back in March, a Duke grad invented a beer-tossing mini-refrigerator. The ‘fridge reportedly threw for 216 yards with three touchdowns in the Blue Devils spring game and competed for the starting QB spot during August drills...Hokies 24 Studs With Suds 7
#12 South Carolina over NORTH CAROLINA giving 6 1/2: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Looks almost too easy. Tarheels celebrating last week’s emotional win over former coach. UNC kept the ‘Canes off the scoreboard for entire first half courtesy of four interceptions. We suspect there’ll be three or four picks goin’ the opposite direction this week...Gamecocks 27 North of the Border 10
#13 ARIZONA STATE over Washington giving 12: UDUB rested for a week, but still might be flat off taking SoCal to the edge (BTW, the Sled Dogs are takin’ credit for "softening up" the Trojans for...[GASP!] Stanford!)... ASU 38 Huskies 23
#14 Florida: IDLE (next @ Kentucky)
PENN STATE over #15 Wisconsin giving 6 ½: Part heart, part head on this choice. Badgers 0-2 ATS on the road this year. Lions are #4 nationally in sacks. Despite cutting down the totals from last season, Wisky is still only #51 in the country in sacks allowed. Might be like lookin’ in a mirror for State...Cheese-Heads dropped a game they probably shouldn’t have to Illinois and will lose a second straight conference tilt here...Lions 23 Badgers 15
#17 CINCINNATI over Louisville giving 10 1/2: The Syracuse upset over the Cards is quickly tarnishing. Redbirds have major issues on defense. The chalk has covered 8 of last 10 between these clubs. Louisville’s held a ranking in 34 of 35 games since early 2004 and is 3-1 against the line in same timeframe against ranked teams... Bearkats 48 Louisville 27
#19 Illinois over IOWA giving 3 ½: Illini are banged up but still have momentum of toppling a pair of upper-tier conference teams, as noted earlier. Hawkeyes continue to disappoint...Illinois 27 Iowa 17
#20 KANSAS over Baylor giving 24 1/2: Bears are 10-12 against the number as road dog over prior four-plus seasons and lost by 27 at TCU, 24 at A&M and 20 at home to the Buffaloes. Jayhawks have not converted their last six ATS tries following K-State, but all half-dozen were against the better clubs of the conference ...Kansas 48 Baylor 10
#22 Texas over IOWA STATE giving 16 1/2: Doubts arose recently about the authenticity of a letter, allegedly the final one written by Davy Crockett at the Alamo. Experts considered the scribing to be the real deal until they turned it over and found the words, "Take the Longhorns and lay da’ points!"...Steers 35 Cyclones 13
#23 Georgia over VANDERBILT giving 7: Dawgs have spent past decade beating Vandy by roughly 10 to 30 points except for 2006's two-point win by the ‘Dores in Athens. Weber was so disgusted with Tennessee’s 21-zip lead very early into 2nd Quarter, he tuned into AMC to watch the Duke in "The Fightin’ Seabees" instead!... Joja’ 29 Vandy 17
MICHIGAN over #24 Purdue giving 6: Best guess for "wish I had it back" pick. Boilers were plus-2 in turnover ratio, but just ten seconds away from being shutout at home by the Buckeyes. Other than romp over Notre Dame, Big Blue isn’t impressing anybody in its outings either, though 4-0 SU run with victory over the Lions counts for something...Michigan 31
#25 Auburn over ARKANSAS taking 3: Interesting line. ‘Hogs three wins have been over Troy (of Alabama), North Texas and AA squad Tennessee-Chattanooga, all at home...Tigers 20 Soooeeey Pigs 14
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindy’s keepin’ this week’s injuries and name of the starting forecaster under wraps until game day. Oh damn...we already blew that, didn’t we? (Oh crap...we coulda’ got big bucks from those Aggie boosters too...or at least a case of Corona!)
We’re told Spears has been granted visitation rights on alternate weekends with those Notre Dame players!
Irish need to win at least 5 of last 6 to make the post-season. Brewers had PEEINYOURPANTS.COM where fans pledged to do just that if Milwaukee made the playoffs. Vindy institutes HURLINYOURHELMET.COM if the Leprechauns go to a bowl!
Scouting report on the beer-tossin’ fridge is that it has poor mobility, but can find the open-container receiver downfield or 10 rows deep in the stands, given time to throw!
We mentioned this dynamic duo earlier this season and it bears repeating with an update...Duke and Temple are now a combined 9-3 ATS to-date!
OK, OK...so that "spidey-sense tingling" from last week’s Boston College-Bowling Green breakdown turned out to be nothin’ more than Vindicator’s Rogaine doing its thing!
The UNLV engineering department is designing a special vehicle seat cushion that protects soldiers from explosions. Now if they could just develop something similar that would afford the Rebels QB the same defense when the O-line implodes around him!
"Wish I Had That One Back": We’d sure like a mulligan on the Kentucky-South Carolina call from last Thursday!
"Locked in a Box?": The Hokies of Virginia Tech send Vin’s lock record soaring to 5-1 (.833). Takin’ Tech was one of the very few things Vindy did correctly last week!
Shoppe Talk: The Gators return and the USC Trojans wander in as well, both at 1-4 (but frankly, if we could figure out how to mount a day of the week, Thursday night would be a season-long fixture at the Shoppe!)
Vindy’s Week 7 Best Bets: Last Week: 0-3-1 Season: 9-16-1 (.360)
COLORADO STATE -3 ½ over Air Force, NORTHWESTERN -7 over Minnesota, MISSISSIPPI STATE +9 ½ over Tennessee, TULSA -14 over Marshall