Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Vindy's Picks Week 4-2011


GREEN BAY, Wisconsin (UPI)…About a week-and-a-half following the alien invasion, subsequent occupation of this beloved dwelling and release of the Packers cheerleading squad, brokered by Bill Clinton, who also arranged, in a solely “diplomatic” move, White House internships for a couple of “promising” female extraterrestrials, the Vegas Vindicator made an unselfish humanitarian gesture and offered himself to the ET force in exchange for the freedom of the local citizens of Green Bay, going where no prognosticator has gone before. Moved to the core of their very being (as only outlanders from space can be), the conquering army accepted the deal and returned independence to the city. In his final comments to the media before boarding the alien vessel, Vindy said the strangers’ yellowish-green, wedged-shaped heads with circular and semi-circular pock marks were “vaguely-familiar” and “reminded (him) of something”, but he “couldn’t remember what.”

Our pungent prophet posted a third straight losing week with 7-13 (22-32-1, .407), in part due to supporting the bigger chalk. Teams laying more than two touchdown went 1-7 ATS on Saturday and factoring in Boise’s cover of about 19 points, 2-7 on the weekend (Squads like Virginia Tech and Alabama went scoreless in the final 15 minutes or more????!!! We smell a rat!). “Bookie, bookie, bookie…why do ya treat me this wayyyyy, ya know I’m still your wager-boy, ya know I bet the same way…My honey, my bookie…don’t put my love on no shelf…She said, ‘I got my own liiiines, so keep yo’ picks to yo’sellllllf!’” Needing a boost(er rocket?), Vindy pays the Mother-ship organist to play “Here we go, Vinnnn-Deeee, here we go!” before transmitting…

(Ruining your children’s attention spans faster than SpongeBob)

Missouri over #1 OKLAHOMA taking 21 ½:
We were definitely in favor of the Sooners moving to the 12-PAC. Think of all the construction jobs that would open up as the result of trying to re-route the Pacific Coast Highway through Norman, Oklahoma! (Weighing-in on the issue, Sarah Palin said she also supported the conference change and could “see the ocean” from Oklahoma Memorial Stadium!). Maybe the covered-wagon could be out-fitted with sails???!!!…Boomer Schooner? 34 Tigers 19

#2 Louisiana State over #16 WEST VIRGINIA giving 5 ½: The shift by Dana Holgorsen to the spread offense shows in Mounties’ lack of a running game. A trio of WVU receivers all went for better than 100 yards each, but it was a defensive pick-six that would be the difference in the victory over Maryland. Bengals tried to support Vindy’s Mississippi State pick by drawing five flags in less than 10-minute timeframe last week. Yet-another challenge for young Tigers’ D. West Virginia lost two outta’ three games vs. Top 25 in 2010, but covered all 3, including 20-14 defeat to LSU. WVU denied the AP’s request this summer for e-mails between school officials and coaches prior to the departure of then-coach Bill Stewart, who allegedly asked a media person to find- and spill da’ beans on his successor-be. Not to worry. We think Wiki-Leaks will eventually release those communications… at the worst-possible moment of the season…Bengals 23 Mounties 13

#14 Arkansas over #3 ALABAMA taking 11 ½: Tide’s allowing average of 6 ppg, but two of first three opponents had basically zero offensive potential (including the alma mater, who sent theirs to the locker room after the opening drive!).’Bama hasn’t posted more than a single ATS defeat in September since 2007. Elephants have covered last six following scoring more than 35 vs. non-SEC foes. Hogs need to shore-up the rush D. Only yielded 84 ground yards to Troy, but on just 20 carries. Even accounting for two long scoring runs from each of Tide RBs Richardson and Lacy, they still managed averages of 4+ and 7+ yards per tote. Razorbacks lost tough 24-20 decision in one of those rare ‘Bama games decided by single-digits last year and carry 7-3 ATS record facing Top 25 , including 4-1 on the road in those games...Tide 34 Arkansas 25

#4 BOISE STATE over Tulsa giving 32 ½: Boise 56 Tulsa 20

#5 Stanford: IDLE (next vs. UCLA)

South Dakota @ #6 WISCONSIN: No line

#8 Texas A&M over #7 Oklahoma State giving 3 (@ Cowboys Stadium, Dallas): Will there be lasting effects from Cowpokes’ previous game that went until 3:30 AM????!!! Coaches at State carried on with usual weekly schedule of practice. OKSU allowed 33 to Tulsa. Aggies, who have a bye next, won 38-35 in 2010. State’s covered just 2 of last 7 vs. ranked opponents. Cadets on 8-4 home chalk run, but quit scoring with 6 minutes left in 3rd Quarter (and were -2 in turnover ratio vs. Idaho). Cowboys are 2-6 prior to facing the Jayhawks…Aggies 41 State 33

WYOMING over #9 Nebraska taking 22 ½: Huskers 27 Wyoming 9

#10 Oregon over ARIZONA giving 15 ½: Drakes 41 ‘Cats 20

#11 Florida State over #21 CLEMSON giving 1 ½: ‘Noles game vs. Oklahoma mighta’ ended differently had EJ Manuel not been injured. Then again, maybe not. Redshirt freshman Clint Trickett carried himself mighty well, all things considered, but like many reserves, coughed up a turnover at a critical time…but still half as many as the starter did. Tigers are 3-0 SU and 2-0 against the number. Nonetheless, the Wofford escape continues to haunt us. Injuns held 6 of 8 conference opponents to 16 or less last year (and 2 of 3 foes overall this season). Home team has taken the money in 7 of last 9 in the series. Clemson had to rally from early two-score hole vs. Auburn…Chop 17 Clemson 13

Vanderbilt over #12 SOUTH CAROLINA taking 16 ½: Gamehens 30 Commodores 16

#13 Virginia Tech over MARSHALL giving 20 ½: VT 41 Herd 17

#15 Florida over KENTUCKY giving 19 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. WR Chris Rainey has been Da’ Man for the Gators, contributing significantly to the rushing game, as well as on special teams (blocking a punt last week). Given a weak offense for the ‘Cats, who come off loss to rival Louisville (who was beaten by Stun Belt squad Florida International) and unimpressive victories over Western Kentucky and Central Michigan, combined with Florida offense also battling to find any early rhythm (scoring a TD and three FGs in first half vs. Tennessee [with some credit to the Vols]), “under” might be the real choice here. Crocs are, however, 3-0 ATS, while KY is on 2-6 skid. UF is a nice road fave and we don’t see the Wildcats closing the gap enough on last season’s 48-14 defeat in the Swamp…Florida 39 KY 13

Rice over #17 BAYLOR taking 20: Owls rested last weekend after pulling off the minor upset of Purdue (can’t believe we just said that), while Bears shutout I-AA Stephen F. Austin for three quarters before refs called that one due to weather. Rice brings back 18 starters and are just 3 points from 2-0 spread record. Bears bumble vs. revenge-minded opponents, going 0-fer-last seven in that role. Barnyard Birds are lousy vs. non-conference teams, especially the Big (currently)-12 and even worse away from the home farm. RG III has thrown 9 scoring passes without an INT. Owls have allowed 3 aerial touchdowns with no picks thus far and finished 118th in the nation in 2010 with 34-6 ratio. “Wish I Had it Back” written all over this, but…Baylor 31 Rice 17

#18 SOUTH FLORIDA over Texas-El Paso giving 29: USF 42 UTEP 10

#19 Texas: IDLE (next @ Iowa State)

Portland State @ #20 TCU: No line.

#22 MICHIGAN over San Diego State giving 10: Not a bad lock choice. Oh please. Sudzu whacked I-AA Cal Poly, then squeaked by Army. Big Blue enjoying fourth of five straight games at the Big House to open the ’11 campaign. UM is either 2-1 or 2-0-1 depending on whether ya had Week Three’s four-touchdown win over Eastern Michigan as a loss or a push. Current Wolverine coach was head man over the Aztecs in the previous two seasons and led State to a 9-4 record and its first post-season in a dozen years. Aztecs were 5-2 ATS as road dogs and 3-3 ATS vs. ranked under Brady Hoke, but all six of those Top 25 foes were fellow-Mountain Jest teams, none of whom had a dual-threat QB named Robinson…Despicable Meeeesigan 28 SDSU 14

ARIZONA STATE over #23 Southern Cal giving 2 ½: Have to figure officials at the LA school were overjoyed to hear about issues at OSU and Miami to divert some unwanted media attention coming into the season. Sun Devils are kicking themselves for late fumble that gave Illinois the win and their spot in the rankings. Trojans pounded visiting Syracuse, but we ain’t convinced after USC survived Minnesota and Utah, both at the Coliseum. ASU has covered 5 of last 7 conference openers, giving points in about half of those, but Troy has won 11 straight years, including 34-33 in 2010. Top running back Marc Tyler couldn’t dress for Trojans’ opener vs. the Golden Gophers for suggesting to TMZ that he receives money to play for the school, indicating, “USC, they breaking bread.” Maybe he misspoke and actually meant the Athletic Department was auditing a culinary class and making bread?! Or maybe USC just really stands for… “Undercover Spending-Cash”… Pitchforks 23 USC 19

Western Michigan over #24 ILLINOIS taking 13 ½: Had the Illini not been in da’ Top 25 this week, we’da’ had this as a “best bet”. Illini lost in all statistical categories in triumph over Arizona State and are fortunate to be here, getting the deciding tally on the aforementioned late turnover. MAC contender Broncos drew a spread-loss in weather-shortened tilt at Michigan and are now 3-11-1 getting points on the road, 0-fer-last-five getting double-digits outside Kalamazoo and 1-4 ATS facing Big Tentacles Conference enemies. Illini are 13-7 ATS in past 20 matches, but mere 3-3 giving Champaign points. WMU is poor 1-6-1 outside da’ MAC and we’d really we’d just prefer the “over” in a shootout… Illinois 38 Western Michigan 31

North Carolina over #25 GEORGIA TECH taking 6 ½: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Bees have broken into the 60’s twice already behind usual, big running game. Tech beat a suspension-strapped Carolina team in Raleigh, 30-24, last year and has taken 5 of last 6 outright in this series, though has gone only 2-5 ATS in last 7. Tarheels winning on defense this year and have gone “under” the total in both lined games (though barely in both). UNC has dropped 4 of last 6 SU when yielding more than 17 points. And one of two victories came this season after giving up 22 to Rutgers. We like Carolina’s rushing defense (giving a mere 2.3 ypc) and tougher schedule to-date. An NCAA probe revealed Tarheels football players racked up over $13K of parking tickets from 2007-2010…. and what Terrell Pryor was doing in Raleigh during each of those years is still anybody’s guess!...UNC 24 Joja’ Tech 23

Clearly, the aliens didn’t get a look at Vindy’s Week Three results or they’da’ jettisoned our hero out the photon-torpedo tube with the rest of the sub-orbital offal before the ship got off da’ ground!

The State (Republic?) of Texas has rebuked the taboo on incandescent lightbulbs. We love watchin’ the newly-named Longhorns mascot, Bevolt, trot onto the field and hearing the A&M cadets yell “Giga-watt ‘Em, Aggies!” BTW, “How many Red Raiders does it take… to change a light-bulb?!”

Discussing the preseason collision with a wide-receiver during practice that left him with shoulder- and pelvis injuries, and temporarily confined to him to a golf cart for mobility purposes, Joe Paterno said, “The good Lord has a way of doing things.” Apparently, until the day in question, it was a little known fact that God had taken over duties as offensive coordinator and was now calling pass routes! We’re just wondering what surface He was using to draw up the X’s and OMGs!!! We’ll take it as a good sign that somebody on high wants JoePa to keep coaching since it was 5-foot-7 Devon Smith that was sent crashing into the venerable NCAA icon rather than…ohhhh, let’s say….6-foot-6, 275-lbs. TE Garry Gilliam!!!BTW, we always thought it was the players, not the coaches that were posed atop the motorized platforms in the old Coleco Electric Football game!

On the telly as part of the new Fall line-up…a football adaptation of a popular game show in which contestants have whatever’s left on the clock following the final time-out to drive their team down the field into position to kick a FG that would secure the victory in…”About Two Minutes to Win It!”

Elsewhere on the boob tube, U.S. Women’s Soccer goalie, Hope Solo, opened nicely on “Dancing With Da’ Stars” this week….with big brother Han in the studio cheering her along! Meanwhile, NBA baller Ron Artest made a quick exit. What a shame. We’re told the man soon-to-be-known as Metal Whirled Pizza (somethin’ like that) still had a couple flagrant fouls-to-give!

In one of those draft-preview articles, ESPN Da’ Mag noted the average Wonderlic test score for quarterbacks was 24, 29 for computer programmers and 15 for janitors. Had Batman’s youthful sidekick scored well on the “IQ” test administered during the NFL Combine, would he have been known as...Robin, the Boy Wonderlic???! BTW, test officials wouldn’t reveal Vindy’s final tally, but suggested the end result puts the fab forecaster somewhere between waterboy and...goalpost!

Black Shirt: Goes to Boise State coach Chris Petersen for keeping petal-to-metal and allowing RB Drew Wright to score an 8-yard TD with 90 seconds left, already up 18 over Toledo to get the cover, and one of Vindy’s seven total correct picks this week.

“Locked in a Box?”: As we called, Navy nearly upset the Fightin’ Fowl, bringing the lock record to 2-1 (.667), including Stanford’s delayed-but-eventual spread win over Duke, which we somehow neglected to mention in Week Three.

Shoppe Talk: The Buckeyes go to 0-3 (and mercifully fall outta’ the rankings this week).

Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-3 Season: 10-4 (.714)
TEXAS TECH -20 over Nevada-Reno, MEMPHIS +22 over Southern Methodist, BALL STATE +4 over Army, Fresno State -4 over IDAHO, MISSISSIPPI STATE -20 over Weeziana Tech

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