Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Vindy's Picks Week 5-2011


LOS ANGELES, California (UPI)…Extradited from Sin City to the City of Angels, the Vegas Vindicator withstood hours of interrogation from LAPD’s finest and…in a move being reviewed by the ACLU…the “Knights Who Sayyyyyyy…’Nee!’”…and gave them nothing (Nothing, we say!), categorically-denying any involvement in the recent airplane-graffiti crimes, in which someone has been chemically-etching symbols, originally-thought to be Arabic in nature, on the bottoms of Southwest Airlines passenger jets with a solution that reveals itself only after the craft’s body heats up during the normal course of flight or taxiing down the runway in preparation for take-off. Akin to the magic trick in which lemon-juice writing appears on a paper-surface when a match or other source of open-flame is waved behind the document, the warmed chemicals illuminated the words “Vindy’s Picks”, followed by one of the famed forecaster’s Week Four game-predictions. The odorous oracle publicly-thanked the perpetrator of the vessel-defiling for the shameless plug, but refuted he was actually responsible for the acts of vandalism or “tagging”. Presented with DNA evidence from remnants of his clothing found at the scene by CSI: Los Angeles, Vindy admitted he likes to lie on the ground at night near the gates of various LAX concourses, with lighted batons strapped to his arms and legs, and do “snow angels” to catch the attention of aircraft passing overhead, then slip into the cargo-holds of newly-arrived planes, to be transported with the rest of the luggage to the baggage-claim area on the conveyor-belt, and “ride the carousel”.

A six-ton, city bus-size satellite crashed to Earth last week. The location was initially everyone except fans at Sam Boyd Stadium, who watched that sucker plummet right smack into the Rebels’ playbook at halftime of the Southern Utah game. We apparently caught some of the shrapnel, finishing 7-10 (29-42-1, .414). For every loss this Thursday and Saturday, we vow to use glow-in-the-dark paint to inscribe profanities, in English, on the seedy underbelly of…

Studying hard to pass the Coors Light bar exam!)

#16 South Florida over PITT giving 2:
Money’s streaming in on USF after opening as 1-point fave in Big Least opener for both sides. Multiple spread-trends put Bulls in the driver’s seat here vs. Panthers, who went bowlin’ after 2010 season, but have just mustered wins over I-AA teams and lost to desperate and sloppy Irish squad, 15-12, last week. South Florida, pathetically, looks like the club to beat in the conference in 2011. Temple might be the squad with the best post-season prognosis in the Keystone State…USF 24 Pitt 13

#1 LSU over Kentucky giving 29 ½:
Bengals 42 KY 7

Ball State over #2 OKLAHOMA taking 37: Two words…”conference sandwich”. Cardinals catch Sooners between a pair of Big 12 games….Mizzou last week, and Red River rivalry game vs. Texas on-deck. Ball State was just 6-18 straight-up entering this season, but is 2-1 SU thus far, upsetting both Indiana and Army (around a spanking by South Florida), utilizing a reasonably-balanced offense, and shows a 14-6 road dog record over the past 4+ years. Okies have beaten the line in Norman in 20 of last 26, but…OK 42 Ball State 17

#3 Alabama over #12 FLORIDA giving 4: Florida is rockin’ 11-1-1 ATS getting points in SEC match-ups, but we watched ‘Bama demoralize Arkansas on defense and special teams despite a sluggish offense, including one very staunch goal-line stand by the Pigs. Hogs’ O had some success against Tide with underneath crossing routes, but ‘Bama defenders delivered some brutal “de-cleaters” vs. Razorbacks’ ball-carriers. Gators posted 405 rushing yards vs. Kentucky, but ‘Bama limited Arkansas to 17 yards on 19 carries and Nick Saban went all Les Miles with an early fake FG for a score. Gotta’ lay the small line here. Crocs walloped Bruce Banner last weekend. This week, they get The Hulk!...”Don’t Make Me Angry..You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry 27 Florida 17

Nevada-Reno over #4 BOISE STATE taking 27: No faith in this pick. Two concepts to consider. 1) Broncos QB Kellen Moore is illin’ and not playing at 100% (went less than three quarters in spread-loss vs. Tulsa) and 2) Reno handed Boise its only outright defeat of last season. In addition, we question Wolfpack’s mindframe after yielding two-touchdown, 3rd Quarter advantage to Texas Tech, on the road, to lose on Red Raiders scoring pass with just over half-a-minute to play. Broncos are coin-toss worthy ATS at home. Fourth consecutive away tilt for Reno, who scraped by San Josie 17-14. The NCAA has put the kibosh on Boise wearin’ the Smurfilicious unis at home on the blue turf, but we don’t see why UNR couldn’t turn the tables and bust out their own azure duds. Could be nice “over” play… Tater-Heads 44 Reno 24

#5 Oklahoma State: IDLE (next vs. Kansas)

#6 STANFORD over Ucla giving 20: Stanford 38 UCLA 10

#7 WISCONSIN over #8 Nebraska giving 9: Huskers have historically-solid SU and ATS record against Big Tenuous teams, but most-recently squared-off against said conference in 2005 post-season. Madison is a tough place to open a new club membership. Not sold on QB Taylor Martinez and Big Dread team that didn’t pull away from Wyoming until the second-half…Badgers 33 Nebraska 20

#9 Oregon: IDLE (next vs. Cal 10/6)

Auburn over #10 SOUTH CAROLINA taking 10: Fightin’ Squab 30 Tigers 24

#11 VIRGINIA TECH over #13 Clemson giving 7: Tigers got by furious late rally by Seminoles, who drew a dozen penalty flags to fall short. First meeting since Tech’s 41-23 win in 2007. Hokies, giving up 15 fewer points-per-game than Clemson and 13-4 ATS in ACC play, won’t be able to take a knee at the end of the 3rd Quarter this Saturday as they have done previously in wins over the non-conference buffet…VT 21 Tigers 13

#14 Texas A&M over #18 Arkansas giving 2 ½: As previously-noted, Arkansas deserved a better fate vs. Alabama. Aggies coughed it up four times in the final 30 minutes to waste a 17-point halftime lead and fall to Oklahoma State. A&M will have to guard vs. Hogs’ kick-return unit. The game is being hosted by Cowboys Stadium in Dallas. However, due to a snafu over temporary seating , many ticket-holders will actually be relocated and forced to watch the game from chairs elsewhere in Arlington!...A&M 34 Arkansas 29

#15 Baylor over KANSAS STATE giving 3 ½: Bears 37 Wildcats 27

#17 Texas over IOWA STATE giving 9 ½: Steers 28 Dust Devils 17

#19 MICHIGAN over Minnesota giving 20: What started as a promising season under new coach Jerry Kill, with a near-upset of then-ranked Southern Cal, came crashing down with a defeat to New Mexico State, an unconvincing 29-23 victory over Miami-Ohio and last week’s outright loss to I-AA North Dakota State…again! We would normally attribute the downfall to the distractions of Coach Kill’s health problems, which have seen him hospitalized with seizures, but the 0-fers have perennially been a welcome site for FCS teams in recent years. Gerbils lost to the Bison in their 2007 meeting, edged South Dakota State 16-13 in 2009 and were beaten by South Dakota last year (Are you listening, UNLV???). Wolverines need to seriously-improve on 4-20 spread tally vs. fellow Big Tender Foot teams, but are off to nice 4-0 SU/3-0 ATS jump on 2011 behind Denard Robinson. Gerbils are 6-1 taking double-digits against opponents over .500 and have covered 5 of last 6 facing Top 25, but only four BCS conference teams score fewer ppg than they do…Michigan 42 Minne-so-when-does-basketball-season-start? 17

Southern Methodist over #20 TCU taking 11 ½: TCU 34 SMU 31

#21 Georgia Tech over NC STATE giving 11 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Yellowjackets have covered 11 of last 15 vs. the Wolfpack, but got their stingers handed to ‘em in last season’s 45-28 loss. NC State is clearly floundering without QB Russell Wilson, who’s doing good things for the Badgers and can claim only a pair of SU wins over FCS opponents, having given up 34 at Wake Forest and 44 in bad loss at Cincinnati. State yielded better than 5 ypc to the Bearkats. Again, we note Tech’s nation-leading rushing game at 7 ypc, which effectively stifled North Carolina for three quarters last week….Wreck 44 NCSU 16

Bowling Green over #22 WEST VIRGINIA taking 20 ½: Mounties 35 Bee Gees 20

#23 Florida State: IDLE (next @ Wake Forest)

Northwestern over #24 ILLINOIS taking 8 ½: Illini 17 NW 12

Oregon State over #25 ARIZONA STATE taking 18: The presence of senior wide-out James Rodgers for the first time this year did not help the Beavers, who were “upset” (?) by UCLA last week, yet, we’re not ready to lay this many with the Pitchforks, who look for revenge over 2010’s 31-28 loss to State, but who have bounced in-and-out of the rankings and did so this week behind four turnovers by the Trojans…and must travel to Utah next….ASU 19 OSU 10

BTW, your nimble narrator once nearly got picked-up and carried-off by an intoxicated female traveller, who left the Weber Kid to his own devices after noting the luggage-tag, illicitly-acquired and prominently- sported by the Vindicator in an effort to blend-in with the rest of the suitcases, had the wrong address written on it!

On a Spring vacation back East, Vin was pulled for one of those “random”, expanded security searches and was disappointed when the TSA agent-in-question was caught fondling Vindy’s Picks! During that same trip, Vindy kept watch on the flight-status board for arrivals and departures. While Vin never did determine if his plane would come in or leave as scheduled, he was able to follow pick-by-pick NFL Draft selections!

And while we’re on the topic, referees have been stuffing penalty markers into each piece of luggage because at Southwest Airlines “flags fly free”!

FCS Strikes Again!: #28 Southern Utah 41 UNLV 16 (Guess which Mountain Jest squad just became a favored homecoming opponent for a boatload of AA teams???!!), #26 Sam Houston State 48 New Mexico 45 OT (Goodbye, Mike Locksley) and the aforementioned #12North Dakota State 37 Gilded Gerbils 24 (Go Bison!!!)

In August, a 22-year-old woman in Alaska, hoping to save her pooch from becoming take-out food, punched a black bear in da’ nose. This is a woman we would gladly have as part of the now-reduced wedge in front of our kick-returners!

As the Major League playoffs approach, the Yankees and Red Sox continue to get heat for playing games vs. each other at a snail’s pace. Maybe somebody should tell the respective stadium announcers that blasting the theme-song from “Chariots of Fire” over the PA system to start each inning has gotta’ go!

The top scoring-defense after four weeks of college gridiron contests? ‘Bama? Nope. Wisconsin? Uh-uh. LSU??!! Not even close! Allowing a paltry 7.8 ppg…..the Owls of Temple!!!!!!!!

“Wish I Had That One Back”: Yep, we knew we shoulda’ taken Baylor over Rice!

“Locked in a Box?”: The mighty Gators hammered Kentucky to move our lock tally to 3-1 (.750)

Shoppe Talk: We’ll be servin’ fricasseed Hokies in the Shoppe Café this week with Virginia Tech at 0-3 (.000). And joining our circus as well, the Elephants of the Crimson Tide (1-3, .250, with three straight forecast losses).

Vindy’s Week 5 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-3 Season: 12-7 (.632)
Utah State +7 ½ over BYU, Rutgers +3 over SYRACUSE, OHIO -16 ½ over Kent State, Northern Illinois -9 over CENTRAL MICHIGAN, KANSAS +6 ½ over Texas Tech, EAST CAROLINA +6 ½ over North Carolina

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