Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Vindy's Week 3-2017

LONDON, England (BBC)Less than a month after announcing the Big Ben Victorian clock will go mute for the next four years while undergoing repairs, officials yielded to political-pressure and reached-out across the Atlantic to acquire the services of Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback, "Big Ben" Roethlisberger While the amount of the contract was undisclosed, Roethlisberger's duties will include occupying the world-famous time-keeping structure and yelling "Bong!" the appropriate-number of times every hour, on the hour, during bye-weeks and throughout the offseason until the construction is completed.  The former Miami-Ohio man-under-center has also reached a deal with Flava Flav to rent his signature clock-medallion for the occasions-in-question! 
Amidst the spate of cancellations last Friday and Saturday, our 6-7 (11-21, .343 season) was not quite the rebound we were hopin' for, but it's progress after the bookies set the precedent for Oklahoma QB Baker Mayfield by planting all their flags in the middle of Vindy's man-cave in Week 1. In May, a Burger King TV-commercial triggered Google Home devices, nationwide, to spout-off the ingredients of the Whopper. Likewise, we're doing a similar Idiot-Box spot that prompts those same speakers to read-aloud the contents of...  
(Doin’ all da’ little things that won’t show-up in da’ box-score… 
FRI. SEPT. 15 
Illinois (+17) over #22 SOUTH FLORIDA: USF 28 Iliini 20 
SAT. SEPT. 16 
Colorado State (+28 ½) over #1 ALABAMA: Tide 31 Rams 13 
#2 OKLAHOMA (-33 ½) over Tulane: Boomer Schooner 44 Too Late 7 
#14 LOUISVILLE (+3) over #3 Clemson: MINOR UPSET PICK OF DA' WEEK #1. Tigers have allowed nothing more than three total FGs over first two games (including shut-out of Auburn over last 45 minutes 38 seconds), but will face Lamar Jackson's one-man wreckin' crew (more than 500 yards total offense in comeback-victory over the Tarheels). The potential back-to-back Heisman-hardware winner will need help from his D, which has granted 4 TDs and 5 TDs in opening pair of tilts. "Over" would be a viable option given 42-36 win by Tigers last year after Redbirds failed on 4th-and-long in the Red Zone to close-out the contest. Doesn't really matter which of four choices (sides and totals) we choose will be almost-certainly wrong-O (see "Shoppe Talk" below!)...Cards 34 CU 31 
#4 USC (-15) over Texas: If Da’ Longhorns left da’ Big 12, would be a “Texit”?!...Trojans 39 Steers 19 
#5 PENN STATE (-39) over Georgia State: Second choice for "lock of da' week".. Lions 49 GSU 0  
#6 WASHINGTON (-33) over Fresno State: This got a good, hard look for lock of da' week". Bulldogs are expected to have a better year and we salute them for sacrificing their bodies covering obnoxious-line in Tuscaloosa via not-quite-backdoor-cover, losing by 31 to the Tide. Huskies have conceded just 21 points in first two games and points-against have fallen each of last two seasons (18 ppg last year) while points-scored has improved to 42 ppg in 2016 and have 15 starters back. Bulldogs could even ATS-tally vs. the Top 25 at 3-3 of late with the cover, but can't realistically expect them to duplicate last week's effort in back-to-back weeks on the road vs. Top Six opponent with limited-options for substitution after being bruised and battered by 'Bama...UDUB 54 Almost Silicon Valley Schnauzers 13 
Air Force (+24) over #7 MICHIGAN: Both sides show five returning starters on offense and (GASP!) a lone dude back on D. Pilots have significant ad on returning lettermen at 80 to 55. Big Blue faces conference-opener at improved-Purdue next. We'll lean toward Flyboys' 3-0 spread-run vs. ranked teams and cover of 4 in last 6 getting-points away from home. As previously-noted, UM booked a trip to Rome in April for "spring drills and education", after which students were able to pursue international opportunities to study abroad. Vindy's spies revealed Coach Harbaugh spent a day as a member of the Vatican guard and started-up his own olive oil export business!...Meeeshigan 34 Flight Platoon 17 
Army (+30 ½) over #8 OHIO STATE: Buckeyes 31 Soldiers 12 
#9 Oklahoma State (-14) over PITT: Cowpokes 44 Panthers 27
#10 Wisconsin @ BYU ("under 41"): Badgers 24 Mormons 9 
#17 Miami @ #11 FLORIDA STATE: postponed 
#12 Louisiana State (-7) over MISSISSIPPI STATE: Marc Lawrence made note of Ed Orgeron's extremely poor SU W-L record as head coach facing conference squads with better-than-.500 records, and coming off first outright losing season since 2009, Bulldogs have piled up 106 points (one of just eight D-1A teams to eclipse the century-mark over first two contests) in opening wins over FCS Charleston Sudden and Weeziana Tech squad not famed for its scoring-defense. We show the Bengals on an 8-2 SU/7-2 ATS run since last season. Not quite sure how much stock to put into LSU's shut-out of BYU, but we're callin' it...Tigers 29 MSU 16 
Samford @ #13 GEORGIA: No line. 
Mercer @ #15 AUBURN: No line. 
#16 Virginia Tech (-21) over EAST CAROLINA: Not much depth for Tech, who won 54-17 last season, but Pirates fell SU to FCS James Madison then lost by 36 at West Virginia, who lost by 7 to the Hokies. The presence of lotsa' juniors and seniors for the Swashbucklers hasn't translated effectively to the win-column yet. It's all fun-and-games 'til someone loses an "Aye!"...VT 38 ECU 10 
VANDERBILT (+4 ½) over #18 Kansas State: MINOR UPSET PICK OF WEEK #2. Kitties cashed our Week 2 "lock of da' week", smoking Charlotte. 'Dores have been solid home-dog past 3 seasons, though spread's not much here. They did excel on both sides of the ball in the Red Zone last season (again, per Marc Lawrence). Both clubs have been stellar in recent one-possession games. Vandy has covered 8 of last 11 vs. Top 25 opponents and boast upsets of Ole Miss and Tennessee to finish 2016 regular-season slate. Coaching-edge to K-State's Bill Snyder. Uggghhh...the "coin" likes...Admirals 17 KSU 16 
SAN DIEGO STATE (+9 ½) over #19 Stanford: "Under 46 ½" wouldn't be a bad guess either. Two strong ground games match-up and while the Aztecs ain't quite USC, Incas have enough rushing-attack and defense to keep this interesting for 60 minutes... Happy Trees 23 Sudzu 17
Southern Methodist (+18) over #20 TCU: We haven't had much luck early-on applying the "look-ahead" theory, but it's a potential trap-game if Toads peek past da' Ponies to next week's journey to Stillwater...TCU 34 SMU 24 
#21 WASHINGTON STATE (-21) over Oregon State: Wazzou 56 Beavers 24
#24 FLORIDA (-5 ½) over #23 Tennessee: LOCK OF DA' WEEK. Gators, without almost a dozen players who were mandated to sit-out Michigan tilt, looked viable most of the game anyway before crashing late, and got an unexpected "bye-week" courtesy of Mother Nature. Crocs had knocked-off Rocky Top eleven straight seasons before squandering three-touchdown edge near halftime in 2016, allowing Vols to reel-off 38 unanswered to lose 38-28. Not this time...UF 31 Tennessee 20 
#25 Ucla @ MEMPHIS ("over 71"): Best guess for "wish we had it back" pick. Bruins won just four games outright in 2016 and already have half that total in-pocket already, to the tune of 55 points scored in each (though yielding 67 in same period). While we respect the fact that Da' Tigers have beaten Kansas SU in back-to-back seasons and toppled then-#13 Ole Miss by nearly two touchdowns in 2015, and figure Memphis won't be afraid here, but smallish 3-point line is curious given uninspired 37-29 victory over Weeziana-Cornrow in August and cancelled game vs. UCF last week. Thus, a play on the total. We've correctly picked a "total" once in six tries to-date. Consider yerselves duly-advised...UCLA 45 Memphis 37  
BTW, pacified-locals are already coordinating delivery of "meat pies", "bangers & mash" and pints of ale to the "American-footballer", while "Big Ben" (the Miami-Ohio gridiron-graduate, not the clock itself), plans to maintain his passing-skills by tossing pigskins through designated-windows of nearby-buildings during the 59-minutes between "bongs"!
Following-up on last week's lead story, Darryl Hannah will don the mermaid-duds and swim out to Tom Hanks' "island" to "cheer him up".  
If yer scorin' at home...da' Minute-Rice of UMass became the first FBS team this season to post an 0-3 SU/ATS record...and face a 4th-straight opportunity this week at Temple! 
Also following-up on last week's AlPa does JoePa commentary...will we hear..."Just when I thought I was outta'-bounds, they pulled me back into da' field-of-play."???!!!  
Given the incredible one-week defensive turnaround, we blame Hurrican Irma for the airline mix-up last week that sent the usually-stout Boston College defense to Moscow, Idaho to suit-up in Rebels' unis, while UNLV's stop-squad got delivered to Chestnut Hill and coughed-up 34 points to Wake Forest (costing our humble-narrator yet-another blown-call on a total!). 
Hooray (AGAIN!) for Da' Little Guy!: We missed badly only on Savannah State's 54-7 loss at APP STATE and Eastern Illinois' four-TD defeat at NORTHERN ILLINOIS, while South Dakota and then-FCS #12 New Hampshire took-out BOWLING GREEN and JOJA' SUDDEN, respectively as we proposed. Upsets by Howard and Nicholls State didn't materialize, but they both lost respectfully by 7 and 10 at KENT STATE and TEXAS A&M, respectively! Again, our best guesses for upsets by FCS clubs over higher division foes...Colgate (28 votes) over BUFFALO, Morgan State (0 votes) over RUTGERS and #20 NC A&T over CHARLOTTE!
"Every time Vindy makes his picks, a Corona gets its lime!"
Da’ Patriots overcame a 25-point hole to win Super Bowl LI in extra frames. Conspiracy-theorists have postulated the Dirty Birds pumped artificial crowd-noise into Brady’s pigskins to create the initial New England deficit! Having relieved Russian-hackers of responsibility, Falcon fans are blaming WikiLeaks for coughing-up the Atlanta playbook to the Pats at halftime! 
BTW, Vindy swiped Brady’s game-worn duds from the Pats’ locker-room during the celebration and traded it for some really-cool Game-of-Thrones apparel!!! 
We've seen players benched and coaches dismissed following losses, but we've never heard of playing-surfaces being kicked to da' curb after defeats, but the Pats are doing just that, citing the field-turf laid in May is too-soft. (Ironically, this comes after the team-QB suffered through allegations that he played with pigskins that were intentionally too-soft!). At "Gil-lette Stadium...the best (artificial grass) a lineman can get!??? 
A cameraman working the end-zone of the NFL Cardinals-LIONS contest caught Matt Prater's 58-yard FG right in da' crotch, but never wavered from his filming. Maybe he was wearin' lower-body armor, but in any case, Detroit officials offered said-shutterbug a walk-on opportunity with the Lions special-teams immediately following da' game!
"Wish We Had It Back": We'd like a do-over on our WAZZOU –10 over Boise State after noting, "In all honesty, it's scary layin' double-digits against Boise..." (which hadn't gotten points since 2014 post-season Fiesta Bowl)
“Locked in a Box?”:    Last Week: 1-0    Last Season: 1-1 (.500)   K-State (-36) handily-baked Charlotte to even the "lock" tally!
Black Shirt: The highly-coveted apparel goes to Fresno State WR Da'Mari Scott fer a 63-yard KO return that led to a covering 26-yard-scoring pass with just over six-minutes to play at Alabama! Honorable-Mention to back-up Pitt QB Ben DiNucci fer a successful two-point conversion toss with just over 10 minutes left in Happy Valley to cover +21 ½ vs. the Alma Mater! 
Shoppe Talk: Tide (1-1, .500; 5-8-1, .384 last 14) gets a weekend-pass after correctly letting Fresno hang-around long-enough, but we continue to knit tiger-skin rugs from Clemson (0-2, .000; 3-15, .166 last 18 tries) and Joja' (0-2, .000; 3-9-1, .250 last 13 at-bats!) 
Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets:  Last Week: 3-1 (with the only "L" coming via a (shocker) play on da'!) Season: 6-2 (.750)  
Iowa State –9 ½ over AKRON, Central Michigan +10 ½ over SYRACUSE, Purdue +7 over MIZZOU, K-State @ VANDY "under 48 ½"  

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