SIN CITY SOOTHSAYER EJECTED FROM COURT-ROOM
WASHINGTON, District of Columbia (REUTERS)...Leaked-records, months after-the-fact, reveal the Vegas Vindicator, on-site in the Nation’s Capital to watch Supreme Court-proceedings involving an age-discrimination case, got himself ousted from the gallery. Immediately-after John Roberts spouted the phrase “Okay, Boomer.”, never-previously-heard in said-venue, the prestigious-prognosticator briefly-interrupted the Chief Justice, asking if the reference was to former Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Esiason, ESPN broadcaster Chris Berman or Oklahoma’s covered-wagon Schooner! Not-amused, Roberts quickly held the Vindicator in contempt of tennis-court and instructed the bailiff to escort the obnoxious-oracle to a nearby holding-cell. Rarin’-to-go following an offseason spent recovering from the Daytona500virus while washin’ his hand-offs and flattening his curve-ball between cameo appearances on Detroit Tiger King and no ranked teams playing until now, Vindy breaks the huddle with his 2020 Preseason Forecasting Strategy Team of...fired former Boston Red Sox manager Alex Cora; Ryan Diaz, Mayor of Seltzer, Pennsylvania; the Houston Astros, Sonic da’ Hedgehog, Darryl the Progressive Insurance Big-Foot, Joe Exotic, NFL 5th-round draft-pick from Marshall Kicker Justin Wahrwasser, Quickbooks’ Koala-Kai Dojo, U.S. astronauts Doug Hurley and Bob Behnken, Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB Tom Brady, Liberty Mutual’s Limu da’ Emu, Baby Shark, Baby Yoda, First Presidential Sister Maryanne Trump Barry and GEICO’s “Aunt Joanie” to present...
THE WEBER KID’S 2020 WEEK 2 FORECAST
(Now available in China on TikTok!)
SAT. SEPT. 12
#1 Clemson (-32 ½) over WAKE FOREST: The Revenant Reverends will bear the brunt of an offseason-long frustration brewing since Clemson’s epic melt-down, especially on defense, as the Tigers collectively coughed-up 42 points in loss to LSU in the National Championship game (For those who’ve forgotten, Vindy correctly had the Bayou Bengals -6 in that one!). That was the most points-allowed by CU since 2016 mid-season 43-42 defeat at Pitt and to further put that in perspective, Tigers were allowing paltry 11.5 ppg in the previous 14 matches ahead of the contest vs. State. Deacs lost 55-3 last year and return just 3 on offense. “Under 60 ½” would be worth a look here too...Spiccoli & Company 49 Devils 0
#3 Alabama: IDLE (next @ Missouri 9/26)
#4 Georgia: IDLE (next @ Arkansas 9/26)
Missouri State @ #5 OKLAHOMA: No line.
#6 LSU: IDLE (next vs. Mississippi State 9/26)
#8 Florida: IDLE (next vs. Ole Miss 9/26)
Duke @ #10 NOTRE DAME (“under 53 ½"): Hard-pressed to lay about three-touchdowns with Our Lady here, despite the early-season hype for an improved running-game. Irish are also a bit short on returning defensive starters, but yielded just 18 ppg in each of the past two seasons, as they seek 4th-straight year of DD outright wins. Devils went 5-7 in 2019 and hopefully there’s been some focus on ball-security during practices as Marc Lawrence noted Blue Beezlebubs were 4th-worst nationally in fumbles-lost last season...Leprechauns 29 Duke 10
#11 Auburn: IDLE (next vs. Kentucky 9/26)
#13 Texas A&M: IDLE (next vs. Vanderbilt 9/26)
Texas-El Paso (+43) over #14 TEXAS: Horns’ have improved points-scored but points-permitted has also gone up in each of the past previous two campaigns. Just can’t, in all good conscience, lay this many with Steers squad that has covered da-spread-in-question by this many just one time in last 10 years, factoring-in a fire-sale on assistant coaches during the lay-off, besting perennial punching-bag New Mexico State 56-7 in 2016, and haven’t been within grenade-range of covering in the other nine. As poor as they’ve been outright (back-to-back one-victory seasons, preceded by a winless-outing in 2017), Miners, in their third-year under Coach Dama Dimel, show reasonable 6-10-2 away-dog ATS record and haven’t been on the wrong-end of this kinda’-margin since mid-2016 66-14 home-loss to Army!...Cattle 41 UTEP 10
Tulsa @ #15 OKLAHOMA STATE (“over 61”): Golden Hurricane has steadily improved it’s SU-win total the past few seasons from 2 in 2017 to 3 in 2018 to 4 in 2019 and Marc Lawrence shows Tulsa covering eleven of past dozen versus a better-than-.600 opponent. Cowpokes look poised to make a significant jump and bring back 10 on the stop-squad, but Tulsa D looks like swiss-cheese early, while a solid-O awaits its turn...State 44 Gilded Blow-Hards 30
#18 NORTH CAROLINA (-20 ½) over Syracuse: Carolina’s re-signing of HC Mack Brown produced instant results in the form of a five-game SU-win improvement over 2018! Heels almost (our father used to say “Almost is only useful in ‘horseshoes and hand-grenades'”) toppled national-championship runner-up Clemson in 21-20 demise last season while making definitive-strides in ultimate 7-6 outing. UNC bettered the offensive-output by 6 ppg and trimmed points-permitted by 10 ppg. Carolina dropped all half-dozen defeats by a single-possession. Last meeting was a 40-37 triumph by the Orange at the carrier Dome in 2018. That should provide sufficient bulletin-board material inn Chapel Hill for this one. ‘Cuse are down defensively this time-around and have new coordinators on both sides of the ball...UNC 40 Orange 16
#20 Cincinnati: IDLE (next vs. Austin Peay 9/19)
#21 Central Florida: IDLE (next @ Georgia Tech 9/19)
Louisiana-Lafayette @ #23 IOWA STATE (-10 ½) (56 ½): Pass.
#25 Tennessee: IDLE (next @ South Carolina 9/26)
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, not long after his incarceration, Vindy ran a post-bail route and got released on his own-recognizance!
Fer inquiring-mimes that wanna’ know...our preseason forecasting strategy-team practices were held without spectators at an otherwise-abandoned Mar-a-Lago, graciously-donated to us by the POTUS after taking some heat fer originally-planning a G-7 Summit at said-resort! (BTW, there were plenty of separate rooms, so meetings via Microsoft Teams or ZOOM weren’t necessary!)
As we note this time each year, from 1993-2008, at least two teams unranked in the AP preseason poll finished in the final AP poll that same season. In 2009, only Cincinnati did so, and in 2010, only Stanford pulled that off. 2011 saw no qualifiers! But 2012 saw a return-to-form, with Notre Dame (#26 preseason) and Texas A&M (no votes in the preseason poll) finishing 4th and 6th, respectively, after opening the season without a hashtag by their names. 2013 had four (count ‘em, four!) make da’ cut...title-game loser #2 Auburn, #3 Michigan State (which was #26 in the preseason poll), #5 Mizzou and #10 Central Florida. TCU ended the 2014-15 season at #3, while Joja’ Tech came in at #8. Da’ Coogs of Houston and da’ Iowa Hawkeyes, who grabbed no votes whatsoever in da’ 2015 initial poll, finished at #38 and #9, respectively. In 2016, the Wisky Badgers were unranked in the #28-hole (21 tallies), but closed at 39, while da’ Alma Mater warranted zero “Ayes”, yet went home to #7. In 2017, neither Central Florida nor TCU (opened at #26 with 98 votes) got any August-love, but closed-out at #6 (second time in five years fer da’ Golden Knights!) and #9, respectively. In 2018, initially-sportin' da’ Romulan cloaking-device, Florida and Wazzou stood-in at #7 (again!) and #10 respectively in the final AP rankings! Last season, the Gilded Gerbils of Minnesota, started the year more than a Baker’s Dozen from the rankings, but made the cut at #10 in the final rankings! And upon further review...goin’ back to 2002, a minimum of one team in the AP Preseason Top Ten each season has finished outside da’ rankings in the final AP Poll fer that year. Then-#8 Miami AP Preseason Top 10 finished with nary-an-*aye* in 2019 Final AP Poll! Then-#9 Auburn finished at #32 garnering 15 tallies, while then-#4 Wisconsin got all of two ballots. Yer mission...should ya’ choose to accept it, is to figure-out who da’ posers are among…Clemson, Ohio State, Alabama, Georgia, Oklahoma, LSU, Penn State, Florida, Oregon and Notre Dame! (Disclaimer: the Buckeyes, Nifty Lions and Ducks have already thrown in the towel on a Fall season, so that narrows the choices!)
FYI...publication of this year’s AP preseason-rankings were held-up temporarily due to the use of Shadow, the same app that flustered results of the Iowa caucus!
Takin’ a page from the Oregon Ducks’ playbook, Vindy will use a quad of signs featuring a variety of symbols and images, includin’ Hollywood Squares, to signal-in betting-plays. In fact, spoiler-alert, we’re offerin’-up Paul Lynde for da’ kick-block!
Vindy comes to the position of attention and renders a warm-salute to Army...which notched its first shut-out in 2 ½ years with 42-0 over Middle Tennessee and second in 8 ½ years since 2012 season-finale. Making it all the more-impressive...da’ Blue Raiders haven’t been white-washed on offense since 2012 finale!
BTW, this week on the Silver Screen...FBI-agent Keanu Reeves pursues Patrick Swayze as a rogue Keydet/surfer in “West Point-Break" COVID-19 has created new statistical-categories...success on down-and-social distance, as well as yards-after-contact-tracing! More thoughts on the topic in Week 3!
No fans were in attendance for this year’s delayed Run Fer Da’ Roses as “Authentic” upset race-fave “Tiz Da’ Law”, but there were plenty of lovely cut-outs of oversized-bonnets and mint-juleps in da’ stands!
Hooray fer Da’ Little Guy: Hats-off to FCS-preseason-unranked Stephen F. Austin for mere 24-14 loss at UTEP and Da’ Bears of then #11 Central Arkansas for shootout-defeat 45-35 at UAB. Up next: Eastern Kentucky @ WEST VIRGINIA, Citadel @ SOUTH FLORIDA, Campbell @ JOJA’ SUDDEN, Austin Peay @ PITT, Mizzou State @ #OKLAHOMA and Houston Baptist @ TEXAS TECH.
In February, two Little League baseball teams in California banned the “Astros”-moniker in light of the whole sign-stealin'-thing. Both clubs, did however, reportedly-adopt the nickname Ass-Trolls!
The pandemic left bettors with little to wager on except Korean baseball and Russian Periodic-Table Tennis!
Shoppe Talk: Last Season: Wisconsin (1-6, .142), Florida (2-6, .250), Utah 2-5 (.285), Auburn (2-5-2, .285). With the Badgers and Utes on the bench until further notice, the Tigers and Gators are now officially on notice! We’ll be watchin’!
Vindy’s Week 2 Best Bets: Last Season: 32-67 (.561) UL-Monroe @ ARMY “under 55 ½”, Coastal Carolina +4 over KANSAS, Texas-San Antonio +7 over TEXAS STATE, SOUTH ALABAMA +9 over Tulane
Up next...more offseason silliness, commentary on playoffs for other sports and some thoughts on...the No Face-Covering League!