FORECASTER HELPS THWART ILLEGAL ELECTION SCHEME
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (REUTERS)…Acting upon intelligence from the NSA, hundreds of federal marshals posed as ballot-harvesters and delivered thousands of envelopes appearing to be genuine mail-in ballots across the nation to illegal entities seeking to hide, destroy, delay or otherwise divert legitimate votes from being counted toward Tuesday’s presidential election. Members of the criminal enterprises-in-question were shocked, and eventually arrested, after realizing the envelopes actually contained copies of Picks along with 8x10 color, glossy photos of the Vegas Vindicator himself, inscribed with the word...” Gotcha’!” Meanwhile the true ballots arrived safely at their designated destinations.
Still mired in the ongoing 2-3 pattern (18-21, 461), and three-points removed from an unthinkable 0-5 last weekend, our stricken seer gets quickly ushered under the blue medical-tent, leaving fans with...
THE WEBER KID’S 2020 WEEK 10 FORECAST
(“Packing the food-court!”)
SAT. NOV. 7
#1 Clemson @ #4 NOTRE DAME (“over 52”): Tigers looked significantly-less invincible in the absence of Trevor Lawrence last week versus Boston College. First single-digit spread for Clemson on the season, and just fourth such-line since end of 2017 campaign. CU defense has not been Clemson- the past two games, allowing 49 combined-points, albeit 14 of those came off two turnovers, after ceding 50 total points through the first five contests, but the Catholics of Chestnut Hill the Catholics of South Bend! Jungle Cats are 4 -1 “over” the previous five tilts, all well-above this total. Four of the Leprechauns last six-pack have ended under this number, but they face first ranked-foe after averaging just north of 10 -against. Back-up QB DJ Uiagalelei has gotten RB Travis Etienne seriously-involved in the passing game and will look to do likewise here as well. DJ’s first outing against a Top 5 club, however, portends more chances for turnovers on offense and extra scoring-opportunities for Our Lady...CU 32 Touchdown Jesus 27
#8 Florida (+3) over #5 Georgia (@Jacksonville, FL): MINOR UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Bottom fell ’ this line rapidly after opening at Dawgs –6. Frankly, we expected a much stronger performance by ’ vs. Kentucky after epic-collapse in the 4th Quarter vs. ‘Bama. Bulldogs have owned this series three-years running, covering ‘17 and ‘18 easily, while still grabbing the spread-victory in 24-17 final in 2019. Coach Mullen will be short-handed early, with two defenders suspended following Florida’s melee with Mizzou, not to mention several thousand lighter in the wallet. But maybe that’s not a biggie since UF is giving up 30 points per game, twice what its season-average cumulatively was all of last year. We anticipate Crocs’ O, recently putting up 42 , all in SEC-play, to outlast UGA’s stop-squad just like the Tide did...Florida 34 Georgia 24
South Alabama @ #15 COASTAL CAROLINA (“under 55”): We wavered back-and-forth between ’ the points with the Roosters (initially 15 ½) and the “under”. We settled on the total as the spread increased to –18, reducing our level of confidence, despite perfect 6-0 SU/5-0 ATS record, and as the market catches up to Carolina, while combined-score went down slightly from 57. Panthers are 5-1 “under”, with all six at 52 or fewer. Chants white-washed a ’ Sudden squad 51-0 after the Eagles lit the lights for average of 42 through their first four games. Jaguars had won just 5 of 24 outright coming into 2020. One of those was a 31-28 decision over the two seasons ago...Poultry 29 Black Cats 17
Baylor @ #17 IOWA STATE (“over 47 ½”): Another number that dropped significantly from starting bid of 54 ½, possibly influenced by Longhorns’ meandering 27-16 win over Da’ Bares, being collectively “spent” after wild 53-45 defeat by the Spooners. Baylor’s ’ the boards fer almost 27 and giving up north of 25 , not horrible considering returning starters number just two from last season. State lays claim to Big Twelve’s 4th-best passer and 3rd-best receiver. BU’s pass-defense shows #3 in the conference at 194.5 , with as many picks (3) as aerial-scores allowed (3). Dust Devils’ advantage appears to be on the ground. ISU RB Bree Hall, leading the B12 in rushing-yards, will likely break 1000 yards rushing in 2020 against second-worst rush-yards D, above only the Blue Jays of Kansas...Cyclones 40 Cubbies 24
Arizona State (+11) over #20 USC: We welcome the 12-Pack to the party, fashionably-late. Trojans return a ton of experience, but defenses should dictate the pace on both sides. In fact, we may rue passing-up the “under 58 ½” (down from initial 60 ½ USC hasn’t covered an opener since 2015 and has dropped at least two of its first five outright each season since then. Not ’ into the usual-SoCal hype until it proves itself worthy. Pitchforks took 38-35 decision last time here in 2018. Troy paid-back the favor winning 31-26 last season in Tempe. Troy Boys don’t excite us with 12-16 spread-record in conference the past three seasons. Sun Devils, now in third-year under Herm Edwards, show a little-bit better 16-10-1 ATS...Sudden Cassiopeia 24 Solar 20
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, following the successful sting, nicknamed “Operation Between the Hashmarks”, was awarded an honorary FBI badge and given an appearance on an upcoming episode of Criminal Minds...as the “unsub”!!! (Google it if don’t watch the referenced-show!)
We’re attributing the current 8-12 slump to the artificial crowd-boos being piped-in by the casino and the barrage of yellow vertical lines displayed on the betting board, a la Oklahoma State, every time our odious oracle approaches the sportsbook counter to place his bets!
Notable trends among teams having played at least seven FBS opponents...Boston College 5-2 ATS, BYU 7-0 SU/6-1 ATS, ’ Tech and Tulane 5-2 “over”, Middle Tennessee 2-5 SU, Navy 6-1 “over”, SMU 6-1 SU, Syracuse 1-6 SU, Texas State 1-7 SU, -Skid-Row 0-7 SU/2-5 ATS, 6-1 “under”
Last March, Washington governor Jay Inslee was quoted in a March 26 edition of the Washington Post as saying, “We need a Tom Brady”. No word as to whether or not the NCAA would grant the Hall-of-Fame quarterback an extra year of eligibility to line-up under center for the UDUB Huskies. Officials at Michigan did not immediately return calls for comment! Circa the same timeframe, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reportedly recorded Vindicator, referencing a well-known early-70’s sit-com, asserting “Right now, we need a Marcia Brady!” (On a personal note, Maureen McCormick was one of our childhood celeb-crushes!)
In April, VP Mike Pence passed on wearing a facemask at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota because he wanted to “look workers in the eye”. Mike later appeared similarly sans said protective-covering at University of Central Florida in Orlando so he “could look players in the I-formation!
Given the possibility of Russian-hackers in election-results, the Top 25 AP/Coaches’ rankings votes will heretofore be tallied by abacus!
Donald Trump has been pictured often of late holding-up a clenched fist, shoulder-high. Why he’s been frequently signaling 4th-Down recently is still anybody’s guess!
It won’t be long now before construction of Henderson, Nevada’s public hockey-facility and home venue to the AHL’s Silver Knights squad, Lifeguard Arena, is finished. Is anyone else out there picturing said-safety-staffers perched upon their vertical, wooden chairs high-above the rink with floatation-devices at the ready to jump into the melted-ice to save players from drowning or to blow their whistles to get everyone off the ice in the event of a shark-sighting???!!!
Black Shirt: In a first-ever occurrence, the undead-undergarment (on Halloween at least) gets split between two kickers on the same team! Ohio State’s Blake missed a -'-made-that-boot 20-yard FG-attempt late in the second-quarter in Happy Valley, while teammate Dominic later botched a 23-yard chippie with 1:13 to play, keeping the score below 64 ½ as we predicted!
Shoppe Talk: Rib-Eyes are on special at the Shoppe café this week as the Steers return at 1-3 (.250)!
Week 10 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 22-8 (.733)
ARMY –6 over Air Force, Tulane –5 over EAST CAROLINA, -Mongo @ JOJA’ STATE “under 58 ½”, Tulsa @ NAVY “over 57”