ATTIRE VIOLATION DELAYS SPORTS WAGERS
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (BBC)...Last Spring, the umpire crew officiating a Cubs game required Chicago reliever Luke Little to trade-out his glove for another one due to the white portions of an American flag patch on the original mitt, saying the color could disrupt batters’ focus and concentration. Several months later, the Vegas Vindicator has been accosted by casino security, who required the world-famous forecaster to discard his Eagles jersey, which featured Jeremy Maclin’s #18 in bright white numerals on the chest, “Eagles” sewn in white near the neck and the team's logo in green-and-white on the shoulder, all of which were considered distracting to ticket-writers, before eventually allowing the prestigious prognosticator to access the betting-counter.
We were spared from another 1-4 only by the “hook” in our prediction of Vols @ Joja “under 47 ½” as the Dawgs won 31-17 (Phew!) on the way to a 2-3 (24-35-1, .406) finish!
No stuffed animals were actually harmed in the making of...
THE WEBER KID’S 2024 WEEK 13 FORECAST
(Challengin' da’ bookies to “pick around and find out”!)
FRI. NOV. 22
#23 Nevada-Las Vegas (-7 ½) over SAN JOSE STATE: UNLV would love another opportunity vs. league-leading Boise State, which has knocked them off twice in less than 12 months, including ‘23 conference title match, but needs help, with MWC-perfect Colorado State in the way. Both teams have conference-topping studs on each side of the ball, but only SJSU’s 54-52 heartbreaker at Boise and 31-24 defeat at the aforementioned CSU justify a spread this short. Spartans have won outright the past four years in this series, but are just 1-5 ATS in its past six to-date. The hometown heroes ain’t exactly exciting betting backers at 1-4-1 in their last half-dozen, with three lines coming below this one. Both parents of UNLV tight end Davis Ambuehl made regular appearances on TV soap operas, including the “Da’ Brigham Young and Da’ Restless” and “Da’ Goal-to-Go and Da’ Beautiful”. Can’t wait to see the player take on post-gridiron career roles in classic daytime dramas such as “New Jersey Generals Hospital” (raise yer hand if ya remember the USFL!), “Football My Children”, “Peyton Manning Place” and the venerable “As the World Turnovers”! If the cover comes down to a FG, Rebels have the top-scoring PK in the country. Gladiators have dropped two of last three games to the tune of 75-31. Takin’ the club with momentum and more to play for...Runnin’ Rebels 34 Outlaw San Josey Wales 24
SAT. NOV. 23
#5 Indiana @ #2 OHIO STATE (“under 52 ½”): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK?! This week we find out if the 10-0 Hoosiers (2nd behind Oregon in the Big Tandoori standings) are “real or...Memorex”. Indy had been posting almost 43 ppg vs. its I-A victim list, which shows a cumulative 24-48 straight-up record in I-A competition at the moment until edging 5-5 Michigan 20-15 last Saturday (absorbing its initial spread-loss). The stop-squad is stout as just Northwestern and Maryland have exceeded 17. Only melee in this series that has finished this close was ‘20 victory by OSU 42-35 in ‘20. Indy catches a break here with Buckeyes’ center out due to injury. Per Marc Lawrence, Hoosiers have failed to cover last half-dozen off a bye facing a team that took its previous game outright. Buckeyes (tied for third with the Alma Mater, a game back, in the Big Tinderbox) are 3-0 SU/2-1 against the line in last three contests this season at Da’ Shoe and permitted a lone foe to score more than 16 to-date. Neither side urges us to make a call on the spread. Indiana has not covered in 9 of its last 12 vs. the Top 25. Similarly, OSU is 2-5-1 the past two years in that role...State 27 UI 16
#18 Army (+14 ½) over #6 Notre Dame (@ Bronx, NY): Clubs’ scoring-defense numbers (Army #2 at 10.3 ppg, ND #3 at 11.4 ppg) could be deceptive in light of respective W-L records of their slates (ND: 30-40, West Point 20-53!), which made us ignore the potential “under 45” on this one (in fact, we temporarily considered the “over”). Prolly, the key stat here is Soldiers’ league-leading rushing yards per contest of nearly 335 ypg against Our Lady’s run-D, allowing 126 ypg. At 9-0, Soldiers see only higher-ranked Boise State ahead of them in the playoff rankings as the Group-of-Five participant. ND’s #6 in this week’s positioning on the CFP ladder is under scrutiny for its strength-of-schedule. Army hasn’t lost by this many since consecutive shut-outs in ‘23 by Troy and LSU. Notre Dame is on 11-4 ATS run vs. ranked opponents after pasting then-ranked Midshipmen in late October. Line opened at Army +16 ½ and has moved its favor since then. We’d love an upset, but for now, we’ll gladly take da’ cover... Rudy 30 Platoon 27
#15 Texas A&M (-2 ½) over AUBURN: Best guess fer “Wish We Had It Back”. A&M gets a berth in the conference title match if they win here and beat the Longhorns next week regardless of what else happens in the SEC between now and then. Aubie was Phil Steele’s #12 Most-Improved Team in the preseason, but that hasn’t worked our the senior-heavy club given the current 4-6 win-loss record (10-18 lining up against SEC foes the past 3+ seasons), though updating Marc Lawrence’s stats, Tigers are on a 19-9 spread run in conference tilts (8-4 straight-up and 9-3 ATS when spotted less than a TD). All 8 of TAMU’s triumphs have come by at least 4 (6 by DD). UA sandwiched a defeat by Vandy between victories over Kentucky and Weeziana-Cornrow in its 3 last tilts. A male Tigers cheerleader back-flipped his way thru Oklahoma players as they hit the field for their game at Jordan-Hare in late September and caught an unsuspecting Sooner right in da’ kisser! An initial “targeting” call was reversed as officials ruled “incidental contact”. The cheerleader was permitted to stay on the sideline. The move-in-question, however, will be included in the next iteration of the Mortal Kombat video game! We’re leery here, after layin’ a mere FG with BYU against Kansas last week and A&M is just 3-6 against the line overall, but we’ll gird our loins and predict...Aggies 28 War Iggle 20
OREGON STATE (+12 ½) over #25 Washington State: The ersatz of this year’s PAC conference-ish square-off. Not sure if the Beavers, whose one of two I-A wins came in early September in Corvallis over FBS-winless Purdue, have given up on the season as suggested by their 28-nada loss last Saturday against an Air Force team havin’ a bad campaign (2-7) or will be motivated to drop Wazzou from the rankings. Big Cats are simply jockeying for post-season positioning (and have been mentioned as potential participants in the Las Vegas Bowl) and style-points will be meaningless at this juncture and were bested at New Mexico last week. Coogs have taken 9 of last 10 in the series (six by 10 or fewer). WSU can crown itself “King of Da’ PAC-Deuce" with the triumph. The coin likes...
Washington State 31 Dam-Builders 24
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, in light of our “success rate”, we might as well switch to red shirts bearing Starfleet Federation insignias!
Syracuse HC Fran Brown recently let it be known he doesn’t hit da’ showers following a loss by his squad because “I don’t deserve soap...Winners get washed.” Our response...”Irish Spring....manly, yes but he doesn’t like it too!” Trolling Brown, we queue-up a certain other cleansing-item jingle...”Orange you glad you use Dial?! Orannnnge you wish evvvvvvvery head-coach did?! Orange you glad you uuuuuuuse....Diiiiiial?”
Crappy Game of Da’ Week: Charlotte (3-7, edging FCS Gardner-Webb 27-26 [currently 4-7 SU, no poll votes]) @ FLORIDA ATLANTIC (2-8, besting FCS Wagner [also currently 4-7 with no poll votes] for one of its pair of victories)
Does a collegiate star DB in Scotland garner a NIL deal for his “name, image and Loch-Ness Down Corner”??!!
Errata: We mistakenly noted the Purdue-Penn State tilt was at Beaver Stadium, but in actuality was played in West Lafayette.
Quarterback Gardner Minshew of the Las Vegas Raiders (currently 2-8 on the year) allegedly once got himself a bottle of Jack Daniels and a hammer then tried to bust-up his throwing hand by bashing it over and over again in the effort to be granted an extra year of college eligibility at East Carolina. Whacking one’s hand to disable their own manual dexterity seems like the waste of a perfectly-good whiskey, but who are we to judge?! (And what Minshew wanted the hammer for is still a mystery!) No truth to the rumor that he’s recently considered replacing a lower-limb with a peg-leg (never being a “mobile QB” to begin with) to demonstrate his loyalty to yet another team of sea and ocean plunderers to get a contract extension!
Continuing our comments on Travis Kelce’s car wash endeavor...if the wash results are overturned, the car goes thru the process again at no extra charge. Additional options include the “Fair-Catch”...Customer, early-on, accepts any given lower-cost package suggested rather than risk being talked later into a pricier option. “The Doink”...if the patron, showing extraordinary-accuracy, can intentionally boot a ball off a goal-post or crossbar rather than splittin’ da’ uprights or missing altogether from 20 yards out, gets $3 off! “The Quick-Out"...car gets no suds, just a brief sprinkling of water! “The Safety”...driver gets to tackle an unsuspecting cashier behind the counter to get a $2 off coupon their next wash! More thoughts next week!
In April, the Vegas Golden Knights supplanted “Elvis the Helmet”, a longtime accoutrement at T-Mobile Arena weighing more than a ton, that began welcoming VGK players entering the rink since Game 1 of the 2018 Stanley Cup Finals, with a female dragon. The dragonelle, which breathes fire subsequent to each VGK goal scored, is yet-to-be named, but we suggest “Samantha Davis, Jr.” in honor of a certain vintage Rat-Packer!
Vindicator spent the fortnight leading a swarm of pandemic-era cardboard cut-outs charging the hardwood in various college basketball venues following team practices to simulate “court-storming” for security personnel training!
Given the break-dancing “events” at the Paris Games, is it just a matter of time before pickleball becomes a medal sport??!!
We’re disappointed with the Paul-Tyson “fight!”. We had money on which round Jake would lose part of his ear!
In related news, the You-Tube personality (27) has agreed to step into the sportsbook ring with the Vegas Vindicator (63) in a no-bets-barred cage-match in September of 2025!
With this year’s Grand Prix Formula One race weekend underway here in Sin City, we note that following failure to pass a pre-race inspection in February, Joey Logano was punished for a glove safety violation. The hand gear did not meet SFI specs and was determined to be illegally modified, with sewn webbing between the thumb and forefinger on his left-hand, which when outside the driver’s side window, allowed for an unfair competitive edge, permitting higher speeds in the turns while keeping the auto secured closer to the track. In related news, Vindy’s team did likewise to grant similar boons when going all “The Fast and the Furious: Las Vegas Drift” in his Big Wheel to the sportsbook counter!
Black Shirt: This week’s perpetually-dark polo goes to Vols’ QB Nico Iamleava for losing a fumble at the Joja’ 45 with a 1:19 remaining, letting UGA to run out da’ clock and keep the total “under 47 ½” (by a whisker!). Honorable mention to his counter-part Georgia quarterback Carson Beck fer tossin’ three incomplete passes in the Rocky Top red zone, forcing to a FG try just prior to da’ 1st-half intermission for the same reason!
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Last Week: 1-0 Season: 7-5 (.583). Golden Eagles (+19 ½) went down by just 10 at SMU. (At least a few of our picks are profitable!)
Shoppe Talk: Julienne Jayhawks are on the Shoppe menu again this week with Kansas now 0-6 (.000) back to ‘23.
Vindy’s Week 12 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 18-30 (.375)
Baylor @ HOUSTON “over 50 ½”, Syracuse @ UCONN “under 54 ½”, Pittsburgh +8 over LOUISVILLE, Florida International –9 over KENNESAW STATE
No comments:
Post a Comment