Vindy's Picks Week 11-2007

ESPN, LATE NIGHT TURN TO FORECASTER

NEW YORK, New York (BBC)....With Writers Guild members leaving their respective buildings to strike this week, nightly talk shows such as Leno and Conan, as well as the "world-wide leader" ESPN, have made pitches to the Vegas Vindicator to provide material for monologues and highlight collages. NBC co-chairman Ben Silverman said "Vindy’ll never earn a living pickin’ games, but his rather-twisted perspective on things could be a life-saver for several of our shows right now". The Sin Soothsayer however noted his own writers support the Guild and walked out too, but that he had enough items in reserve to get him through bowl season, then recanted that statement, saying "Oh wait...I forgot...I do my own stuff!" Daytime talkies such as The View are expected to eventually take a hit as well and may also be willing to use the forecaster’s talents. Vindy said he "always wanted to swap picks with Whoopi and Baba Wa Wa."

The chalk finally got more covers than the dogs again for the first time since September 22nd, helping Vindicator go 12-7-1 for last week (84-91-5, .480). Hopin’ to stave off the dreaded century mark in losses for at least one more fortnight, Vindicator battens down the hatches, turns on the nightlight and hides under...

THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 11 FORECAST
(Now biodegradable in honor of national "Green Week")

THURS. NOV. 8
#6 WEST VIRGINIA over Louisville giving 16: Mounties’ pass defense has improved nicely since early season and has them ranked #4 nationally. Cards have won three of last five this season on the strength of its own defense. ‘Eers have missed only one home cover in last dozen. In 2006, Redbirds knocked then-#3 West Virginia. We attempt to reel in a 4th straight Thursday night forecast win...WVU 34 Louisville 16

SAT. NOV. 10
#1 OHIO STATE over Illinois giving 15: One more straight-up UI triumph would equal the total number of wins acquired by the Illini over the previous four years. Illinois has been money for bettors when playing at The ‘Shoe. Only concern for State here is impact of physical game against the Badgers and the fact State didn’t pull away for the cover until late last week...Buckeyes 33 Illini 16

#2 LSU over Louisiana Tech giving 36: Bengals nearly did themselves in again against ‘Bama, drawing 14 yellow hankies for 130 penalty yards. Tigers were also -1 in turnovers. We don’t foresee such lack of focus here. Bengals on 0-6 ATS run while Ragin’ Cajuns are 6-2 against the number. State typically covers lines of 24 or better vs. non-conference squads. Tech’s season is over, even if they manage to win final two after this to achieve 6 wins...LSU 45 LT 6

#3 Oregon: IDLE (next @ Arizona 11/15)

#4 OKLAHOMA over Baylor giving 38: Bears playing their 11th consecutive game without a break and getting outscored by fellow Big 12 teams 143-23 on the road. Ouch! Sooners haven’t defeated Baylor by this many since ‘02, with largest margin in Norman being 31 since then. Kansas and K-State did beat Baylor on their respective homefields by 48 each. No harm in a few style points... Sooners 48 Baylor 8

#5 Kansas over OKLAHOMA STATE giving 5 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. This could be a replay of last week’s demolition of Nebraska by the Jayhawks. Okie State has had little problem the past several years with Kansas, but Fightin’ Manginos bring a defense that should keep State in check easily enough to cover this...Kansas 48 OKSU 30

#7 MISSOURI over Texas A&M giving 19: Aggie backers better hope for an outright upset because A&M has covered only one of its last 34 SU road losses (we thank nationally-known tout Marc Lawrence for that nifty little tidbit!) and have lost by 17, 28 and 28 away from College Station this season. Aggies were held scoreless until the 4th Quarter for second straight week by the Sooners and have posted 14 or fewer points in 3 of last 4 games. Line probably reaches 21 by game time...Tigers 38 A&M 13

#8 Boston College over MARYLAND giving 5 1/2: BC just two points from 3-0 ATS road record in 2007. Terps have fallen into the doldrums. Maryland only 2-5-1 vs. the pointspread and mere 1-3 in College Park. Eagles still up for BCS consideration and the Box Turtles’ 26th-ranked pass D will have its hands full keeping Matt Ryan under wraps for all four quarters...BC 27 Maryland 17

#9 Arizona State over UCLA giving 6 ½: Injuries have really clobbered what could’ve a special season for UCLA. We don’t think banged-up Bruins can hold the line at home against potent Devils offense...ASU 27 UCLA 9

#18 Auburn over #10 GEORGIA taking 1: Tigers have taken out Top Ten clubs in 9 of last 10 opportunities and won 10 of last 12 tilts in which the spread was plus or minus 7 or less...Auburn 13 Joja’ 10

#11 VIRGINIA TECH over Florida State giving 6: Last pairing of these clubs cost the Hokies a conference crown back in 2005. Seminoles notched their best win of the season last week, dropping BC, who was careless with the ball...Tech 21 FSU 10

#24 CAL over #12 Southern Cal taking 4: Bears on 0-4 SU/0-3 ATS slide since beating the Ducks. Being persona non grata at all the Vegas hotels and needing somewhere to hang his knife...uh....gun...um we mean... helmet...O.J. Simpson has gotten the offer for three hots and a cot on campus at his alma mater this week. The school has, however, removed all of Juice’s memorabilia from the university property and temporarily cancelled all nearby weddings...you know...just in case!....Berkeley 16 USC 14

#13 Michigan over WISCONSIN giving 2 1/2: Badgers, minus top runner PJ Hill, took a brief Third Quarter lead on the Buckeyes, then gave up 21 unanswered points. Wisky has yielded no less than 31 points in five of last eight games. Michigan has been a go-against in Madison, but not this time...Wolverines 35 Badgers 19

#14 HAWAII over Fresno State giving 17: Bulldogs are 5-6 ATS playing ranked teams since ‘03 season, including this year’s triple OT loss at Texas A&M and overall 3-1 on the road. While most of Fresno’s defense consists of upperclassmen, only four defensive starters returned this year and both safeties are sophomores...’Bows 51 Fresno 30

Texas Tech over #15 TEXAS taking 6 1/2: The Cowpokes hung 430 passing yards (and almost 600 total offensive yards) on the ‘Horns last week. Red Raiders QB Harrell could do that all by himself this week. Tech doesn’t have a guy that can rush for 100 yards, but their defense is better than Oklahoma State’s. Not sure UT-Austin’s got another big comeback in it if the Steers get well-behind early again...Texas Tech 37 Texas 34

#16 Connecticut over CINCINNATI taking 5 ½: Wow. A victory over faltering South Florida on the strength of 8 (count ‘em, 8!) turnovers gets the Bearkats home-chalk status?! Huskies collapsed late in Storrs last year to give Cincy the win. Just can’t pick against the Sled Dogs here as they go for first-ever SU win over Cincinnati in four tries...UCONN 21 UC 19

#17 Florida over SOUTH CAROLINA giving 6: Spurrier has split the two games he’s played against his old school since returning to the college ranks and nearly won last year too (losing 17-16). The rubber game of the match goes to...Gators 30 Cluck-Cluck 14

UTAH STATE over #19 Boise State taking 24 1/2: We considered this for lock when the line opened at 27. Aggies return of 18 starters from 2006 has paid dividends (at least for bettors) as USU has already surpassed last year’s spread wins (5-3-1 overall, 3-2 in the WAC vs. last season’s 3-9/2-5 respectively). Broncos just 2-4 last 6 on the conference road. Aggies just a missed XP vs. UNLV away from 6-3.....BSU 37 USU 19

#20 CLEMSON over Wake Forest giving 8: No shame in missing a 48-yard FG on the road as time expires to lose by a single point. Unfortunately, that was the second missed kick of the game for Wake. Deacons need a victory here and next week vs. NC State, along with two losses by BC to have a shot at ACC title game. Tigers have taken 7 of 10 in this series, but covered only 3 of ‘em...Clemson 29 WF 19

MISSISSIPPI STATE over #21 Alabama taking 4 ½: Vindicator made a handwritten notation last summer in one of his preseason mags that the Tide’s only tough road game was regular-season ender at Auburn. Perhaps that notation was a bit hasty. An upset is not outta’ the realm of possibility here with Bulldogs needing one more win for a bowl berth and having already beaten Auburn and Kentucky away...’Bama 19 MSU 17

#22 TENNESSEE over Arkansas (PK): Win over depleted Gamecocks adds a little credibility (emphasis on a little) to ‘Hogs win-loss record. Tennessee doesn’t defend the run all that well, but then neither does Kentucky, who spanked Arkansas earlier. Arkansas has qualified for the post-season, but four of the requisite six-pack of victories came over three Sun Belt teams and I-AA Tennessee-Chattanooga. They are, however, just five total points in losses to Auburn and ‘Bama from 8 wins. Vols in the middle of four-game homestand and need a cover to lock in first back-to-back winning spread seasons since ‘98 and ‘99. UT is 4-0-1 ATS at home this year. Vols laying nothing at home is the right side... Tennessee 24 Pigs 21

#23 Virginia over MIAMI taking 3 1/2: With the OT loss at NC State, ‘Canes obviously aren’t quite there yet under new coach Randy Shannon. Cavs are only here on the good fortune of aforementioned missed 48-yard FG by Wake with nothing left on the clock. Minor upset that establishes nice Cavs-Hokies finale to decide the ACC Coastal Division winner...Virginia 18 Miami 14

#25 Kentucky over VANDERBILT giving 3 ½: Curious line supported only by Commodores’ valiant three-point defeat to Georgia in Nashville. Unless ‘Cats fail to protect the football or let themselves get into a track meet... KY 35 Admirals 24

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
And now...Vindy grabs his picket sign, but first reprints some of his favorite "hash" items from 1997....NOT!

As a demo of his skills, Vindicator submits the following rewrite of the opening to a well-known daytime soap... "Like sandwiches through the shotglass, so are the College Game Days of Our Lives"! (Hey...we just write... Somebody else is gonna’ have to figure out how to stuff the hoagie into the jigger, okay??!!)

A judge in Gate City, Virginia got removed from the bench for among other things, deciding a child’s Christmas visitation between divorced parents by flipping a coin. Good news though...the judge has been offered the ceremonial coin toss at this year’s Meineke Car Care Bowl.

The Guvenator this past Friday said he learned to negotiate while sitting with his wife, Maria Shriver, in their Jacuzzi. Vindy extends an invitation to Cal’s first lady to sit with him in the hot tub and help our fearless forecaster negotiate next week’s picks!

While we often lambast the specific teams that the Weber Kid struggles regularly to pick on the right side of the line, little attention is typically given to the squads that come through week-to-week. Up for post-season awards of the positive kind are: Rutgers (6-1); Oregon, Virginia Tech and Wisconsin (all at 5-2). Not enough plate appearances yet, but probably going to meet the minimum at-bats (7): Arkansas (4-0-1) and Kansas (4-1).

Welcoming the 2007 college hoops season: What Don Imus actually meant to utter about the Rutgers women’s basketball team last April..."snappy, threaded clothes".

Senator John McCain invited visitors to his presidential campaign website last March to join him in picking winners in the 2007 NCAA tourney. We heard he had Texas A&M-Corpus Christi winning it all and AZ going out in the 1st round!

To ensure proper disposal and avoid misuse, the FDA recommended this week that expired medications be placed in sealed plastic bags with coffee grinds, dog poop or Vindy’s Picks to make the meds unpalatable to small children and animals rummaging through trash cans or dumpsters! (Hope you’ve enjoyed this public safety announcement!)

The Collegiate Bass Anglers Association wants to make fishing a recognized competitive college sport (Oh for goodness sake...go ahead and tack a "national" to the beginning and make the acronym NCBAA!). Can’t wait to see the opinions on these "athletes"..."Well, Bob...he’s good on the ‘dink and dunk’ but just can’t get the lure down-pond on a consistent basis". What about fishermen with unorthodox casting motions? Will there be penalties for illegal lures or forfeit of wins for using an angler with an expired fishing license? Rod and highlight reels? On a team desperately needing a victory, might we hear a talking head quip..."it’s time to fish or cut bait". Do they pump in crowd noise when practicing for away tournaments? Are there starters and back-ups in event of casting-shoulder injuries? What does the "scout team" do? Would the spread be based on total catches or poundage? Would an angler expected to go high in the first round decline a trip to New York to spend his traditional National Fishing League Draft Day playing football with his father? (Time for Vin to refill his meds again, isn’t it??!!)

"Locked in a Box?": It took a TD with 5 seconds left in the game, but those Troy Trojans pulled it out and boosted Vin’s lock percentage to .700 (7-3).

Shoppe Talk: The !@%$#@!!! Gators (1-7) had the intestinal fortitude to toy with our humble host for 15 minutes of game time, allowing Vandy to stay within two TDs, then quickly ripped his heart out with a huge 2nd quarter and never looked back! The USC Trojans will again stand guard at the Shoppe with a 2-7 forecast record!

Vindy’s Week 11 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-2 Season: Feel free to call the fumbling forecaster "Magnum, P.I." (Prognosticating Idiot) because the "best bets" now stand at .357 (15-27-1).
New Mexico State +3 over SAN JOSE STATE, East Carolina -8 over MARSHALL, NORTH TEXAS +15 ½ over Navy, San Diego State +2 ½ over UNLV

Vindy's Picks Week 10-2007

2007 COLLEGE SEASON JUST BIG HOAX

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (REUTERS)....For a few fleeting, glorious moments this year, there was hope...hope of good things on the field in Tampa, Florida; Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts; Lawrence, Kansas and even in Durham, North Carolina. But on the brink of All Hallow’s Eve, the 2007 college football campaign was exposed for what it truly is...fake, bogus, a grand illusion. Criss Angel of the TV series "Mind Freak" said he’s been conducting the elaborate hoax, using smoke & mirrors, nearly-invisible wires, mass suggestion and stadiums with trap doors and false walls to dupe fans, coaches, players, even the media into believing wins and losses that didn’t actually occur. In reality, USC and LSU are undefeated and trying to hold on for post-season spots in Baton Rouge, Duke and Temple are a combined 1-14 SU with a spread record of 3-12, South Florida is a middle-of-the-back Big Least team and Michigan whacked Appalachian State by nearly three touchdowns to open its season. Said one member of Angel’s camp, "If ya think this was out there, wait ‘til ya see which traditional doormats make the Sweet 16 next March!"

Vindicator managed a second straight Thursday night win, but even Criss Angel couldn’t help our hero do better than 8-7-1 for Week Nine (72-87-4, .453). On the Night of the Living Spread, beware of...

THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 10 FORECAST

THURS. NOV. 1
#11 Virginia Tech over GEORGIA TECH taking 2 1/2: How deflating will very late loss to Boston College be for the Hokies? Doing its part to help conserve water in drought-stricken Georgia, the NCAA has mandated that the Bees can’t wash their unis until they become bowl-eligible!...Virginia Tech 17 Wreck 14

SAT. NOV. 3
#1 OHIO STATE over Wisconsin giving 15: Before turning the game off when State went up 24-7 on Vin’s alma mater early second half, he watched the Buckeyes pass their way easily, barely breaking a sweat, up and down the field in the "hostile" "white-out". Badgers lost to the Lions by 31. Lions lost by 20 to the Buckeyes. Badgers have allowed 6 total points over last two games. State puts that up more that on first drive here...OSU 27 Wisky 7

#2 BOSTON COLLEGE over Florida State giving 6 ½: Eagles lucky to escape Blacksburg with a win, but that’s the kinda’ good fortune that carries teams to the title game. The "under" is probably a better call than a side...BC 20 ‘Noles 10

#17 ALABAMA over #3 Louisiana State taking 7 1/2: Ya think the Tigers’ll be up for getting their first crack at former coach Nick Saban since he left Baton Rouge following 2004 season? History suggests State will cover if they win outright. Bengals are only 1-1 ATS facing the Tide since beginning of ‘05...Bengals 21 'Bama 16

#4 OREGON over #6 Arizona State giving 7: Decoys on a 24-14 spread run vs. PAC-10 colleagues. First real road test for the Sun Devils. Vindy’s previous calls for shootouts have failed miserably, so...Mallards 38 ASU 24

Texas A&M over #5 OKLAHOMA taking 21: Baggies were kept off the board by Kansas until the 7:20 mark of the 4th Quarter and face a better (and rested) defense here. Looks like a lot of points though, given A&M’s lost by this many only once and Sooners’ biggest conference game margin is 10...OK 29 A&M 13

#7 West Virginia: IDLE (next vs. Louisville 11/8)

#8 KANSAS over Nebraska giving 19: Huskers lost starting QB Sam Keller for the duration and need to win out to go somewhere in December. They won’t. Fightin’ Manginos have beaten the line seven times in a row and almost got the "lock" designation last week (and in 20-20 hindsight...they shoulda’!). It’s a big number, not big enough to back Big Red....Jayhawks 44 Nebraska 20

COLORADO over #9 Missouri taking 4: Over last 29 conference matches, Mizzou is 11-15-2 against the number and are barely 1-1 ATS this season in its only two road games (a total of 1 ½ points separates the Tigers from 2-0 or 0-2). Buffs need one more victory for a post-season berth, are 3-1 ATS at home this year, own Oklahoma’s only SU loss in ‘07 and were competitive in close losses to FSU and Kansas. Field goal fest... Missouri 16 Buffs 15

Troy over #10 GEORGIA taking 16 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Troy is 22-15 ATS since beginning of Division I-A play in 2001, including a nifty 5-2 spread record against the SEC. Trojans coach Larry Blakeney said he plans to send HIS whole team to the end zone to cheer Troy’s first TD of the game (and has T.O. and Chad Johnson on standby just in case his boys don’t draw a flag for excessive celebration!)...Joja’ 24 Troy 13

#12 Hawaii: IDLE (next vs. Fresno State)

Oregon State over #13 USC taking 15: Beavers have covered last two vs. the Trojans (and those squads were obviously better than this year’s edition) and fare well in general playing other PAC-10 teams. Booty may return under center for SC...Trojans 24 OSU 17

#14 Texas over OKLAHOMA STATE giving 3: Steers have only two spread wins in last trips away from Austin, but somehow we still don’t have the warm-and-fuzzies over Cowpokes back-to-back SU wins over Nebraska and K-State, which followed a one-point defeat at College Station . State’s last four games vs. the Longhorns have been losses by 26, 19, 21 and 39. Bowl-eligibility will probably wait until finale at Baylor...Texas 38 OKSU 31

#15 Michigan over MICHIGAN STATE giving 4 1/2: The UM solar car team was in Australia last week trying to return the Panasonic World Solar Challenge trophy to the U.S. for the first time since the inaugural challenge back in ‘87. Wolverines gridiron squad ran on solar power last week without its star RB and QB, and still managed a push on a 24-point line. Spartans in usual late-season slide...Big Blue 29 MSU 17

#16 UCONN over Rutgers taking 3: Nice to see Huskies gettin’ some pollster love after flying well-below the radar while compiling 7-1 SU record (and just a one-point road loss away from being undefeated). Knights’ only away tilt resulted in a cover at Syracuse as 16 1/2-point chalk. UConn has allowed no opponent more than 17 points and averages only 13.4 points-against. First of three away games in final four for NJ State...Dogs 23 Paladins 16

Vanderbilt over #18 FLORIDA taking 16: Commodores have covered nine of last dozen getting points on the road.. Back in May, the UNC Center for Study of Retired Athletes declared that NFL athletes who had three or more concussions were three times as likely to suffer clinical depression. And here Vindy attributed his industrial-strength blues to all those forecast losses by the Gators over the past few years. Turns out it was all those times he banged his head on the sportsbook counter after losing bets instead!...Crocs 28 Admirals 14

Tennessee Tech @ #19 AUBURN: No line.

#20 SOUTH FLORIDA over Cincinnati giving 5: These two are a combined 0-4 straight over last two weeks. Somebody’s once-promising season goes into the tank here. After buckling under pressure being hunted on the conference road, we like the Bulls to recover nicely at home. ..USF 24 Bearkats 17

#21 BOISE STATE over San Jose State giving 26: Broncos getting back in the swing of things. Spartans haven’t covered well away from home the last four-plus years. SJSU has one road spread win in five tries and posted zeroes on the scoreboard in two of ‘em...BSU 37 SJSU 7

VIRGINIA over #22 Wake Forest taking 1: Might come down to who can more successfully work in a few aerials into their run-first game-plan. Cavs were Vindy’s pick to win the ACC and need a victory to stay one-up on the Hokies in the Coastal Division...Cavaliers 24 Deacons 20

ARKANSAS over #23 South Carolina giving 3 ½: Wear-and -tear of failed late comeback at Tennessee might be the back-breaker for South Carolina. Hogs have dug in, allowing more than 10 points to only one of last five foes (oddly, that exception was I-AA UT-Chattanooga!)... Sooeeeeeeeey Pigs 17 Poultry 12

#24 TENNESSEE over UL-Lafayette giving 30: Cajuns have a single win on the year and have nothing to lose. Vols need this one to lock in bowl-eligibility ‘cause there’s no guarantees among the next three games to finish out the regular season...Rocky Top 41 UL-Laugh-at-us 6

#25 Clemson over DUKE giving 16: Dukies are 4-1 ATS on the road this year, but only 1-2 thus far in Durham and a paltry 3-10 as home dogs. Website about Duke’s coach sponsored by Vegas bookies this season: RaisetheRoof.Com; sponsored by Duke alumni: RazetheRoof.Com and sponsored by Californians who know nothing about the Blue Devils: RaisintheRoof.Com. ...Tigers 35 Duke 10

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
A bunch of NBA refs were caught gambling. Hey...even professional hoops officials like Vindy’s Picks!

A Baylor assistant resigned recently after citation for urinating on the bar in Waco. So much for the joke about a Bear doing you-know-what in the woods!

Division III Trinity University pulled off 15 (count ‘em, 15!) laterals on the game’s last play to beat Millsaps last week. Hmmmm...eleven players, fifteen laterals. Did they shovel the ball to coaches, cheerleaders,...fans from the stands????

NFL commish Roger Goodell wants to expand the NFL to, among other cities, Beijing. First 5000 to the stadium get lead paint decorated bobble-head dolls!(And don’t forget to try the shellfish nachos, guys!).

Among other pay-the-celeb-to-attend-games mishaps for the Miami Dolphins this year was P. Diddy’s cancellation because he wanted (and didn’t get) a private jet. Note to the ‘Fins PR folks....our humble forecaster would gladly accept a ticket for Greyhound or Amtrak for an all-expenses-paid trip to Dolphin Stadium! Call me!!!! (Whaddaya mean Vindy’s not a celebrity???!!!)

The Minnesota Vikings defensive ends are calling themselves "Salt and Pepper". Meanwhile, the Golden Gophers defensive ends are being referred to as "Saffron and Coriander"!

Indy Racer Danica Patrick wants more women’s items endorsements, including fragrances. We’re thinkin’ Midnight on Pit Row, Skoal #5 and Burning Rubber aren’t gonna’ be big marketing winners!

"Wish I Had That One Back": Yep...we called the "wish" pick on the Kentucky-MSU game!

"Locked in a Box?": Vin took it in the "lock" shorts again as Virginia lost SU to NC State (6-3, .667).

Shoppe Talk: Gators now 1-6 after having their cocktail glasses shattered by Georgia.

Vindy’s Week 10 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 12-25-1 (.324)
BOWLING GREEN -7 over Akron, Ball State +6 ½ over INDIANA, East Carolina -5 over MEMPHIS, Texas El-Paso -7 over RICE, Weeziana Tech -4 over IDAHO

Vindy's Picks Week 9-2007

AIRMEN CANNED OVER PICKS MISHAP

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia (UPI)....The U. S. Air Force gave the boot to seventy servicemen and servicewomen this past weekend in the wake of a recent, highly-publicized mishandling of Vindy’s Picks. Several weeks worth of the Weber Kid’s live forecasts were flown the width of the country from North Dakota to Louisiana secured to the underside of a B-52 bomber while traditional transport protocol was basically ignored. Of particular concern were Vindy’s “Best Bets” picks, though USAF officials indicated the general population was never truly in jeopardy because the rubber bands and wax seals that prevent the forecasts from unfurling prematurely and being used for wagering remained in place and were undamaged during the flight, but the incident was serious enough to warrant mandatory notification of the President, the Secretary of Homefield Security and the head of the Gaming Control Board in Vegas. How the picks, clearly marked with skull-and-crossbones and the internationally-recognized “radioactive” symbol, were mistakenly identified as harmless, outdated picks scheduled for decommission and loaded onboard is still under investigation.

The prophets’ pantheon smiled down upon your host in Week Seven as Vin registered a Thursday night forecast dubya with his upset call of Rutgers over South Florida en route to a 7-9 finish (64-80-3, .444). Musta’ been the sacrifice of that virgin...uh...virgin Pina Colada, that is...and the numerous other libations Vindicator poured right in the middle of the sportsbook floor (of course, then security came and hauled the Weber Kid downtown and it wasn’t real pretty after that. Vin was, however, eventually released on his own recognizance [because nobody else at the station recognized our famous forecaster!] and got home in time for kickoff! People know Vindy’s name, but not always his face. That’s why he carries this...the American Express card)...but we digress, so let’s get back to...

THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 9 FORECAST

THURS. OCT. 25
#2 Boston College over #8 VIRGINIA TECH taking 3 1/2: Eagles held the Hokies to a mere FG in last year’s 22-3 win and have no fear of Blacksburg. If BC’s gonna’ falter, its best chance to do so is right here (though a dangerous trek to College Park awaits). Figure the odds of back-to-back Thursday forecast wins for your humble narrator...BC 24 Tech 23

SAT. OCT. 27
#24 PENN STATE over #1 Ohio State taking 4: While the Buckeyes have taken five of the last seven straight up from PSU, but both Lions’ wins came at home and OSU’s last cover in Happy Valley was 1997. Vindicator would absolutely delight in the BCS chaos that would ensue should the Nifty Lions pull yet another major upset in a season littered with the unthinkable... Lions 13 Buckeyes 12

#3 Louisiana State: IDLE (next @ Alabama)

#4 Oklahoma: IDLE (next vs. Texas A&M)

#5 OREGON over #9 (tie) Southern Cal giving 3: SoCal has beaten the Mallards the last two years by a combined 80-23 and is seemingly immune to the atmosphere at the Autzen Zoo, covering 5 of last 6 there. These aren’t your older cousin’s Trojans and the Ducks have plenty of speed on defense and firepower on offense to finally get past USC ...Quack Attack 34 Troy 29

#25 RUTGERS over #6 West Virginia taking 6: Upon further review, Vindy incorrectly attributed one of Rutgers’ two SU losses in 2006 to South Florida. Those two losses actually came at Cincinnati and at Morgantown to these Mountaineers! WVU is now 13-5 against the line as road chalk since start of 2002 season, though only 1-1 on the Jersey Turnpike...WVU 27 Scarlet Knights 24

#7 ARIZONA STATE over #18 California giving 3: Bears have bent State’s collective pitchfork four straight times, winning (and covering) by 17, 28, 27 and 28 points, respectively. Devils come in off a bye, Berkeley comes in off loss to UCLA. Devils’ defense is improving. After holding only 5 opponents below three touchdowns last season, State has already kept 6 of 7 foes under 21 points to-date...ASU 29 Cal 24

#9 (tie) Florida over #20 Georgia giving 9 (@ Jacksonville): While Kentucky committed some tactical and execution errors, Gators put 45 on the scoreboard without the benefit of a single Wildcats turnover. Lotsa’ luck to Dawgs defenders as they attempt to drag down Mack Truck-dressed-in-quarterback’s-clothing Tim Tebow... Florida 35 Joja’ 20

CONNECTICUT over #11 South FLORIDA taking 4 1/2: Sled Dogs have covered 7 of last 8 at home vs. conference teams and 5 of 6 overall this year. Bulls yielding almost 18 ppg. UConn giving up a little over 13 ppg. Having reached BCS #2 spot, how will the youngsters from Tampa handle the balloon-popping loss to Rutgers and yet another trip to cold New England? With an outright victory, Sled Dogs would remain alone atop the Big Least, one game ahead of WVU-Rutgers winner. With or without a controversial punt return...USF 25 Huskies 22

#12 Kansas over TEXAS A&M giving 2: Even in close games between these two since 1998, ‘Hawks have come up just short. Baggies clobbered Huskers team that may have quit on Coach Callahan, but never got off the bus two weeks at Texas Tech, costing Vindy a three-team wager. Jayhawks coach Mark Mangino said he first learned about Dennis Franchione’s secret newsletter to Aggies boosters from Dick Cheney, forgot it, then learned about it again from NBC News reporter Tim Russert. Ridin’ Kansas’ 6-0 ATS win streak...Kansas 23 A&M 17

#13 MISSOURI over Iowa State giving 28: ‘Clones actually took this one straight-up last season as a two-TD dog (one of three total ATS wins for State in 2006) to close last year in the wake of six previous outright defeats. A cover by the Tigers locks in their first winning spread record sine 2003...MO 44 ISU13

#14 KENTUCKY over Mississippi State giving 13 ½: Best guess for “wish I had it back”. We’d have given the Bulldogs a chance here had the Wildcats actually succeeded in their late comeback effort vs. Florida. Another long day for State...KY 48 MSU 16

#15 South Carolina over TENNESSEE taking 3: Gamecocks are 62nd nationally in passing offense, but 98th in rushing O. Tennessee has all of 9 sacks and 5 picks thru 7 games (102nd and 99th, respectively). Not sure what’s with the Chickens on offense of late, but we figure they’ll come to play against a major threat to their shot at SEC East crown...Chick-Fil-A 19 Rocky Top 16

New Mexico State over #16 HAWAII taking 27 1/2: Aggies have already been smoked on the road by Auburn and Boise. We’;re not sure, however, that Brennan can go the whole game on the bad ankle and ‘Bows aren’t as prolific with back-up Tyler Graunke at the helm. Aggies have enough to swap sevens with Hawaii...for awhile...Aloha 52 NMSU 27

Nebraska over #17 TEXAS taking 21: If the Corn Flakes can tack on a FG (or two) to recent mediocre performances and the Black & Blue Shirts can hold the Steers around the mid-30's...’Horns 36 Big Dread18

#19 MICHIGAN over Minnesota giving 23 1/2: Do ya think these two Big Tenuous conference teams will hold a joint pre-game pow-wow to swap horror stories about losing to I-AA teams?!!! Three of last four have been decided by a FG (last season’s game finished with a 14-point margin). Gerbils defensive woes suggest Wolverines could breach 50. UM goes for the Little Brown Jugular... Big Blue 49 Minny 7

#21 Virginia over NC STATE giving 3: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Wolfpack off it’s inaugural win of da’ season for Tom O’Brien, who probably looks in the mirror each morning and chides himself for leaving Chestnut Hill...Cavs 27 NCSU 17

#22 Alabama: IDLE (next vs. LSU)

Mississippi over #23 AUBURN taking 17: Tigers on 5-0 ATS run but return home after pair of bruising tilts on the road at Arkansas and Baton Rouge. Four picks hurt the Rebels last week. Ole Miss has recent history of covering nicely when playing a Top 25 team and were competitive in home losses to Mizzou, Florida and ‘Bama...Auburn 24 Mississippi 13

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Vindy takes a bow and signs a few autographs after the Bison of I-AA North Dakota State fulfilled his Week Seven prophecy by beating the Gilded Gerbils of Minnesota straight up...27-21!

After drawing 15 flags for 131 penalty yards in Notre Dame game, BC spent off-week adopting yellow as an official team color. Eagles first year coach Jeff Jagodzinski took a page from Red Sox player Manny Ramirez and created a stir among the Eagles Nation by saying , “Winning the National Title ain’t everything!”

Trojans’ plane to South Bend last week dropped like a shoulda’-been-Terrell Owens-pass-reception! BTW, given the number of intentional throws into the stands made by Jimmy Clausen vs. Boston College, we’re not surprised Coach Weis changed QBs for the USC game last week!

Coach Paterno allegedly exchanged a few “niceties” with another motorist who did him wrong on a campus road recently. Did the Weber Kid happen to mention that 2007 is the 50th anniversary of Cat In Da’ Hat, the 100th anniversary of the invention of plastic (consumers of unbreakable stadium bottles of brew rejoice!) and the bi-centennial celebration of JoPa’s first driver’s license???!!!

This summer, the Russians split a gut racing to plant a flag on the Arctic Ocean floor to stake their claim to the North Pole. Imagine their surprise when the Comrades discovered the offenses of Florida International and Notre Dame had already beaten them to it!!!!

The ex-girlfriend of BoSox pitcher Josh Beckett sang the national anthem to open Game Five of the American League Championship Series. Country singer Danielle Peck looked Beckett square in the eye and belted out, “Ohhhhh....whennnnn... willlll.... Iiiiiiiiii... seeeeeee....any allllllll-iiiii-moohhhh-neeeeeeee?!!!!”

With the World Series between the Red Sox and Rockies being played in two very cold-weather climates this year, Games 6 and 7 could hinge on which hurler’s got the more-effective snowball!

Last January, a hit-and-run driver veered into Shaquille O’Neal’s SUV. He was chased and eventually caught by the NBA star, but that’s takin’ Hack-a-Shaq just a bit to the extreme, dontcha’ think??!

“Locked in a Box?”: Those Eugene Decoys run Vindy’s lock record to 6-2 (.750) after whackin’ the Huskies.

Shoppe Talk: So many swords and shields, so little time as the Trojans hang around at 1-6. The Gators and Gamehens make the menu at 1-5 each!

Vindy’s Week 9 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 10-23-1 (.303)
Last Spring, The Sporting News used Maggie the monkey to pick each round of the NHL playoffs (via wheel spin). Guess who’s pickin’ this week’s “best bets”!!!!!
ECU -14 over Alabama-Birmingham, Central Michigan -2 1/2 over KENT STATE, Michigan State -3 ½ over IOWA, MARYLAND +3 ½ over Clemson

Vindy's Picks Week 8-2007

PRESSURE MOUNTS TO END PICKS

INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana (BBC)....The Vegas Vindicator launched into rhetoric about "acts of aggression by the NCAA" this week after getting diplomatic heat from the governing body of college sports to "cease and desist" on production of his weekly forecast. A defiant Weber Kid said he wouldn’t consider stoppage of the forecast "until 25 million dollars of frozen margaritas..er..uh..accounts...was released". Experts say the picks could lead to escalation of a prediction race in an already-unstable southwest region of the country. The NCAA wants inspectors to have full access to dice, crystal balls, darts, tea leaves and other prognosticating components by bowl season and is sending in Condi Rice, a former member of Vindicator’s preseason forecasting strategy team, as an envoy to try to resolve the conflict peacefully. The two will meet at a high-profile ice rink in the Vegas Valley and Vindicator is reportedly "sharpening his skates" for the Secretary of State’s visit.

It’s all moot anyway because in the wake of Week Seven’s 8-12-1 (57-71-3 .445), in which Vin picked 17 faves in 21 games and opened 0-2 again heading into Saturday’s games, the Sin City Soothsayer wandered down to San Diego, where he buried his crystal ball (and the Ferret up to his neck) in the sand, launched his darts into the Pacific, poured his tea leaves into Shamu’s mouth and tossed his dice across the border into Tijuana (where our perplexed prognosticator also underwent surgery to have his stomach stapled to avoid anymore of those "gut feeling" choices!). Unable to believe his eyes or ears any longer, Vindy spent this week in a sensory -deprivation chamber, preparing for...

THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 8 FORECAST

THURS. OCT. 18
RUTGERS over #2 South Florida taking 2 1/2: Bulls were responsible for one of two straight up losses for the 2006 Knights. Does anyone want to win the National Title? Anyone? Anyone?!! Vindy’s now 2-5 on Thursday night. What’s the worst that can happen?!...Garden State Parkway Paladins 24 USF 23

SAT. OCT. 20
#1 OHIO STATE over Michigan State giving 17: UDUB is the only Buckeyes opponent to put double-digits on the scoreboard. Spartans haven’t beaten OSUsince ‘99. Barring those nasty turnovers that have tripped up other Top Ten squads to-date...Buckeyes 38 MSU 17

#3 Boston College: IDLE (next @ Virginia Tech 10/25)

#4 Oklahoma over IOWA STATE giving 28 ½: Sooners need to get the kicking game squared away, having not one, not two, but three (count ‘em, THREE) failed extra point attempts in win over Mizzou. Shouldn’t hamper Oklahoma here though...OK 45 Cyclones 9

#18 Auburn over #5 LSU taking 11: Last three Tigers-Bengals matches were decided by 1, 3 and 4 points. Aubie took it last year 7-3 and has won 12 of last 16 games outright when the final margin was 7 or less. SEC West suddenly looks tenuous...LSU 13 Auburn 10

#6 SOUTH CAROLINA over Vanderbilt giving 13: Vin throws his forecaster’s challenge flag on the sportsbook counter after Gamehens failed to cover a mere 6-point line at North Carolina. The South was up 21-3 at halftime, then suddenly went dormant offensively and defensively, coached by someone who revels in running up the score, with superior athletes and limited players to substitute since they were on the road???!!! ‘Heels posted 12 points in the final 15 minutes???!!! Meanwhile, THIS week...the Admirals are 8-3 ATS in last 11as road dogs ... Poultry 29 Vandy 13

#7 Oregon over WASHINGTON giving 11: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Only hint to this smallish line is Huskies’ fine effort two weeks ago while hosting the Trojans and fact that four of last five between these clubs were played in Eugene...Decoys 37 Dogs 17

#8 KENTUCKY over #14 Florida taking 7: The State of Florida decided to restore felons’ rights immediately after sentences are served. The news was met with cheers by the Crocs, ‘Canes and ‘Noles; and the Cincinnati Bengals saw a major surge in requests for trades to the Dolphins!...Wildcats 29 Gators 27

#9 WEST VIRGINIA over Mississippi State giving 23 1/2: Mountaineers have beaten the line in 8 of last 11 in Morgantown, including last season’s win as 21-point chalk over these Bulldogs (what a strange non-conference scheduling, BTW). West Virginia 4-0 ATS against non-conference foes in 2007. Big trip to New Joisey up next, but... Mounties 34 State 6

#10 California @ UCLA: OFF

#11 Virginia Tech: IDLE (next vs. Boston College 10/25)

#12 Arizona State: IDLE (next vs. Cal)

NOTRE DAME over #13 Southern Cal taking 18: Irish have piled up one outright shocker and three point-spread victories via multiple flags and turnovers by the opposition, but Troy is in a major funk...USC 24 ND 16

#15 (tie) MISSOURI over #22 Texas Tech giving 3 ½: Red Raiders are 5-12 ATS since ‘02 when playing ranked teams. Tigers have been making nice annual strides in reducing points allowed and were gradually doing so this season until hitting Oklahoma. Tech has yielded only 31 total points over the last three, but those all occurred at home vs. NW State, Iowa State and Texas A&M...Mizzou 38 Texas Tech 29

#15 (tie) Kansas over COLORADO giving 4: CU’s probation for providing extra meals to players probably got reduced following win over Oklahoma. Another victory would give the Bison back their burgers and scholarships altogether (and would secretly transfer the probation to Colorado State!). History favors the Buffs, but it’s been a Bizarro world of college football this year...Jayhawks 30 Rocky Mountain Heimlich Manuever 24

#17 Hawaii: IDLE (next vs. New Mexico State)

#19 Texas over BAYLOR giving 25: Steers just walloped Iowa State, who shows more improvement than Baylor. Including last season’s 63-31 game, the average final score for last 8 meetings is Texas 53-7. Adjusting for ‘Horns regressions and Bears very nominal gains, we’ll call it... TX 43 Baylor 13

ALABAMA over #20 Tennessee giving 1: Our apologies to Tennessee, who got left off of last week’s forecast because Ferret posted teams in the Coaches Poll not the AP Poll! Coach Saban was 1-1 SU and 2-0 ATS in his only two games with LSU vs. Rocky Top. Tide hasn’t covered since 9/8 trip to Vanderbilt and last four games do not inspire great confidence in ‘Bama. The road has been unkind to Tennessee though.. In OT...Alabama 23 Vols 20

#21 Georgia: IDLE (next vs. Florida @ JAX)

#23 Cincinnati over PITT giving 10: A shipwreck was found recently off the Alaskan coast. Turned out to be the Panthers football team! Not sure if pass play called (and converted) by Dave Wannstedt on 4th-and-1at Pitt’s own 20 in a tie game with three minutes left against Navy was attempt to show faith in his team or a sign of resignation for the year. Might be a different choice if this was the NFL. It ain’t...Bearkats 31 U.S.S. Panthers 16

ILLINOIS over #24 Michigan taking 3: Illini have their best shot this decade to upend the Wolverines. Michigan is no bargain as road favorites and failed in its only away-chalk role this year. If Illinois can protect the pigskin... Illini 17 Big Blue 16

#25 Kansas State over OKLAHOMA STATE taking 3: Thought about this for "lock". Curious line, though the Cowpokes do have two SU wins and three covers in the Big 12. We think the wrong side is laying points here...K-State 41 Oklahoma State 34

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS

I-AA UPSET ALERT: North Dakota State outright over MINNESOTA! Bison (6-0 thus far) lost 10-9 last year to the Gophers and belted Central Michigan 44-14 on the road earlier this season.

Among the taunts e-mailed this week by Charlie Weis to Pete Carroll: "Don’t make me go all ‘Stanford" on your butt!"

Last week’s issue of ESPN Da’ Mag noted Giants LB Chase Blackburn hurt his eardrum after being bumped by a reporter while using a Q-Tip. Thank goodness the New York defender wasn’t using a suppository instead (which would’ve resulted in a flag for illegal blockage in the backfield and a penalty of half the distance to the gonad!)

Cardinals QB Matt Leinart suffered a season-ending injury last Sunday. That’s okay, he can fall back on his endorsement deal with Polaroid. Guess he’ll only be lining up in the snapshot gun formation!

Michael Vick’s jersey just got ousted from a glass display shelf at his old high school. Seems Vick’s attorneys can’t even win a trophy case for him these days!

In March, NFL team owners meeting tweaked some game rules, including removal of the penalty for unintentionally hitting a lineman with a pass (but doing so intentionally is still considered a personal foul). Also, a player can no longer score a TD without the ball going over the pylon (so the base of the pylon has been enlarged to three square yards!)

In February, players for the American Hockey League’s Syracuse Crunch promised to shave their heads if Britney Spears accepted a free trip to upstate NY to watch them play. They also offered free game tix to any woman who shaved her head. How ‘bout a similar deal for fans or players who show up panty-less??!!

"Wish I Had That One Back": Yep, Vindicator said, "Looks almost too easy" before picking South Carolina to cover at UNC.

"Locked in a Box?": South Carolina’s failed cover drops the tally to 5-2 (.714).

Shoppe Talk: It’s Californication in the Shoppe this week as USC hangs around at 1-5!

Vindy’s Week 8 Best Bets: Last Week: 0-4 (0-7-1 last two weeks...MEDIC!!) Season: 9-20-1 (.310)
ECU -4 over North Carolina State, Nevada-Reno -7 over UTAH STATE, NEBRASKA -2 over Texas A&M, Army +25 ½ over JOJA’ TECH

Vindy's Picks Week 7-2007

BOOSTERS HORN IN ON NOBEL SECRETS

COLLEGE STATION, Texas (CNN)....Discovery of secret e-mails this week from an unidentified source in Stockholm, Sweden revealed that local Texas A&M boosters were not only paying to get the first look at previously-unreleased injury information each week for the hometown Aggies football team from head coach Dennis Franchione, but were also privy to advance naming of Nobel Prize winners. The boosters, noted an anonymous Nobel committee official, apparently forked over "a truckload of Kronor (the national Swedish currency)" to find out who’s getting the prestigious medals and accompanying purses for each category before the official announcements were made. Rumors also suggest these same folks have clandestine arrangements to be in the early loop for designation of recipients of the Heisman Trophy and other post-season football awards, the Oscars and yes, even the new pontiff whenever the College of Cardinals needs to tally the next set of votes for its own MVP!

Off the horrible 5-11 snafu for last week (49-59-2, .454), our odious oracle grabs some pine long enough to have the shrapnel extracted from his...uh..er...parlay card...and calls upon his favorite fuzzy forecaster, the Budweiser Ferret, to pinch-hit during...

THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 7 FORECAST

THURS. OCT. 11
#21 Florida State over WAKE FOREST giving 6: Upon further review, the bean-counters in Vindy’s accounting department revealed that the Weber Kid is actually 2-4 on Thursday night attempts (previously forgetting a second W on the opening Thursday of the season and incorrectly adding a Friday night loss to the mix). Nonetheless, even Ferret won’t touch this one. The coin likes...’Noles 20 Wake Forest 10

FRI. OCT. 12
#16 Hawaii over SAN JOSE STATE giving 18 1/2: The "logic" of this season thus far dictates that Ferret call another major upset here! OK, we ain’t doin’ that, but we have....a conspiracy theory! The New England Patriots have been masquerading as Colorado and Stanford the last two weeks and might don the Spartans unis this Saturday! Guards of the Grass Skirts are relying on second-stringer at quarterback. Baaaaaaaaah! Aloha 45 Spartans 24

SAT. OCT. 13
#1 Louisiana State over #18 KENTUCKY giving 9: Bayou Bengals have "floundered" to three straight spread defeats after opening with a trey of ATS wins. Les Miles makes his first visit to Lexington as LSU’s head coach. His predecessor, Mr. Saban, got no line joy in his three trips here. ‘Cats did well until encountering an opponent with a solid defense...LSU 35 KY 19

#2 CAL over Oregon State giving 14: Bears have lost 6 of last 8 outright to the Beavers, but whacked State hard last year. We’d consider OSU’s revenge factor here, but it just lost main-man WR Sloughter for the duration... Berkeley 30 Beavers 10

#3 OHIO STATE over Kent State giving 30 1/2: Buckeyes yielded only a safety to another MAC squad, Akron, earlier, but that cost ‘em the cover. Three turnovers were probably the only reasons Buckeyes didn’t blow Purdue out last week. Kent’s last game in Columbus resulted in a 51-17 spanking. Flashes lost by 36 at Kentucky, who doesn’t have the defense that OSU does...Buckeyes 48 Kent 7

#4 Boston College over NOTRE DAME giving 14: Eagles have taken 5 of last 6 straight up from their fellow Catholics. Golden Domers are 4th nationally in pass defense (ypg). Duh! When opponents rush for about 190 yards per game, why put it up much? Irish football players are so young, CPS recently took them away from Britney Spears and awarded custody to Kevin Federline! ...BC 37 ND 17

Central Florida over #5 SOUTH FLORIDA taking 12: Atlantic City mayor Robert Levy has gone missing under investigation for fibbing about his Vietnam service as a Green Beret. Take a peek at the Central Florida sideline. He’s down there with Marion Jones and the rest of the fakers! Looking for more of that Sunshine State rivalry magic ...Bulls 23 Knights 13

#11 Missouri over #6 OKLAHOMA taking 10: Preview of the Big 12 title game in December. Sooners backfield is so young, it’s being adopted by Angelina Jolie! We’ll back the Tigers on basis of last week’s trashing of Nebraska and neutral-site win over Illinois, who has recently dispatched rising Indiana, Penn State and Wisky... OK 31 Mizzou 27

#7 USC over Arizona giving 21: Even the mighty Troy Boys can be defeated when yielding five turnovers on the road. "Cats not showing the experience of their returning starters on defense, allowing 6 ppg more than they did this time last season...USC 52 AZ 24

Washington State over #8 OREGON taking 18: We think the Pats were playing defense for the Mallards during the first half of the Cal game, then hopped the bus outta’ town before the start of the 3rd Quarter! Oregon 21-14 ATS vs. other PAC-10 teams in last four-plus years, but this has track-meet scribbled all over it...Ducks 41 Wazzou 35

#9 West Virginia: IDLE (next vs. Mississippi State)

#10 Virginia Tech over DUKE giving 13 1/2: Forget prepping for the Hokies offense. Durham coaches should be breaking down film of Tech’s special teams! Back in March, a Duke grad invented a beer-tossing mini-refrigerator. The ‘fridge reportedly threw for 216 yards with three touchdowns in the Blue Devils spring game and competed for the starting QB spot during August drills...Hokies 24 Studs With Suds 7

#12 South Carolina over NORTH CAROLINA giving 6 1/2: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Looks almost too easy. Tarheels celebrating last week’s emotional win over former coach. UNC kept the ‘Canes off the scoreboard for entire first half courtesy of four interceptions. We suspect there’ll be three or four picks goin’ the opposite direction this week...Gamecocks 27 North of the Border 10

#13 ARIZONA STATE over Washington giving 12: UDUB rested for a week, but still might be flat off taking SoCal to the edge (BTW, the Sled Dogs are takin’ credit for "softening up" the Trojans for...[GASP!] Stanford!)... ASU 38 Huskies 23

#14 Florida: IDLE (next @ Kentucky)

PENN STATE over #15 Wisconsin giving 6 ½: Part heart, part head on this choice. Badgers 0-2 ATS on the road this year. Lions are #4 nationally in sacks. Despite cutting down the totals from last season, Wisky is still only #51 in the country in sacks allowed. Might be like lookin’ in a mirror for State...Cheese-Heads dropped a game they probably shouldn’t have to Illinois and will lose a second straight conference tilt here...Lions 23 Badgers 15

#17 CINCINNATI over Louisville giving 10 1/2: The Syracuse upset over the Cards is quickly tarnishing. Redbirds have major issues on defense. The chalk has covered 8 of last 10 between these clubs. Louisville’s held a ranking in 34 of 35 games since early 2004 and is 3-1 against the line in same timeframe against ranked teams... Bearkats 48 Louisville 27

#19 Illinois over IOWA giving 3 ½: Illini are banged up but still have momentum of toppling a pair of upper-tier conference teams, as noted earlier. Hawkeyes continue to disappoint...Illinois 27 Iowa 17

#20 KANSAS over Baylor giving 24 1/2: Bears are 10-12 against the number as road dog over prior four-plus seasons and lost by 27 at TCU, 24 at A&M and 20 at home to the Buffaloes. Jayhawks have not converted their last six ATS tries following K-State, but all half-dozen were against the better clubs of the conference ...Kansas 48 Baylor 10

#22 Texas over IOWA STATE giving 16 1/2: Doubts arose recently about the authenticity of a letter, allegedly the final one written by Davy Crockett at the Alamo. Experts considered the scribing to be the real deal until they turned it over and found the words, "Take the Longhorns and lay da’ points!"...Steers 35 Cyclones 13

#23 Georgia over VANDERBILT giving 7: Dawgs have spent past decade beating Vandy by roughly 10 to 30 points except for 2006's two-point win by the ‘Dores in Athens. Weber was so disgusted with Tennessee’s 21-zip lead very early into 2nd Quarter, he tuned into AMC to watch the Duke in "The Fightin’ Seabees" instead!... Joja’ 29 Vandy 17

MICHIGAN over #24 Purdue giving 6: Best guess for "wish I had it back" pick. Boilers were plus-2 in turnover ratio, but just ten seconds away from being shutout at home by the Buckeyes. Other than romp over Notre Dame, Big Blue isn’t impressing anybody in its outings either, though 4-0 SU run with victory over the Lions counts for something...Michigan 31
Purdue 20

#25 Auburn over ARKANSAS taking 3: Interesting line. ‘Hogs three wins have been over Troy (of Alabama), North Texas and AA squad Tennessee-Chattanooga, all at home...Tigers 20 Soooeeey Pigs 14

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindy’s keepin’ this week’s injuries and name of the starting forecaster under wraps until game day. Oh damn...we already blew that, didn’t we? (Oh crap...we coulda’ got big bucks from those Aggie boosters too...or at least a case of Corona!)

We’re told Spears has been granted visitation rights on alternate weekends with those Notre Dame players!

Irish need to win at least 5 of last 6 to make the post-season. Brewers had PEEINYOURPANTS.COM where fans pledged to do just that if Milwaukee made the playoffs. Vindy institutes HURLINYOURHELMET.COM if the Leprechauns go to a bowl!

Scouting report on the beer-tossin’ fridge is that it has poor mobility, but can find the open-container receiver downfield or 10 rows deep in the stands, given time to throw!

We mentioned this dynamic duo earlier this season and it bears repeating with an update...Duke and Temple are now a combined 9-3 ATS to-date!

OK, OK...so that "spidey-sense tingling" from last week’s Boston College-Bowling Green breakdown turned out to be nothin’ more than Vindicator’s Rogaine doing its thing!

The UNLV engineering department is designing a special vehicle seat cushion that protects soldiers from explosions. Now if they could just develop something similar that would afford the Rebels QB the same defense when the O-line implodes around him!

"Wish I Had That One Back": We’d sure like a mulligan on the Kentucky-South Carolina call from last Thursday!

"Locked in a Box?": The Hokies of Virginia Tech send Vin’s lock record soaring to 5-1 (.833). Takin’ Tech was one of the very few things Vindy did correctly last week!

Shoppe Talk: The Gators return and the USC Trojans wander in as well, both at 1-4 (but frankly, if we could figure out how to mount a day of the week, Thursday night would be a season-long fixture at the Shoppe!)

Vindy’s Week 7 Best Bets: Last Week: 0-3-1 Season: 9-16-1 (.360)
COLORADO STATE -3 ½ over Air Force, NORTHWESTERN -7 over Minnesota, MISSISSIPPI STATE +9 ½ over Tennessee, TULSA -14 over Marshall

Vindy's Picks Week 6-2007

REVISED CITIZENSHIP TEST INCLUDES FOOTBALL

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia (Reuters)....Want to be part of "We, the People...", then "know the pigskin" say administrators of the latest U.S. citizenship exam. Under fire for test questions that are reportedly "too easy" or "irrelevant", the Department of Homeland Security altered the exam to include facets of popular American sports culture. Citizen-wannabes now have to "tackle" such questions as "How many games make up the BCS Bowls?", "Name an SEC team." and "What actor led the inmates to a gridiron victory over the guards in the movie "The Longest Yard"? Applicants can also score extra points for correctly answering such trivia as , "In what city does Duke play its home games?"and "If you get thrown under ‘The Bus’, what former Steeler runs you over?" (Answers later in this forecast).

Vindicator’s still in the red, but crawling back toward the black after Week Five’s 11-9-1 (44-48-2, .478)...and let’s face it, test questions about United States political history just aren’t as exciting as the ones that will be asked about...

THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 6 FORECAST

THURS. OCT. 4
#8 Kentucky over #11 SOUTH CAROLINA taking 3 1/2: ‘Cats hot enough to generate steam on the polar cap. Though SC is the more battle-tested of the two, the Poultry didn’t put Mississippi State away until the 4th Quarter. Kentucky is 4-0 ATS thus far and covered 9 of last 10 back to ‘06 season. WARNING... our forecaster extra ordinaire has correctly picked the spread winner only once in five Thursday night chances this season. (And that one correct pick was back in Week One!)...KY 24 Carolina 23

SAT. OCT. 6
#1 Louisiana State over #9 FLORIDA giving 9: Bengals have allowed a total of 22 points in first five games. Gators allowing average of nearly 20 ppg. State did miss the cover at Tulane and are one of the few top teams to not stumble thus far. Figure the LSU defense to neutralize Tebow and force someone else from Florida to beat it...Tigers 31 Florida 20

#2 SOUTHERN CAL over Stanford giving 38 1/2: Cards’ one remaining SU win left on the schedule is...Notre Dame on November 24. Trojans marching band played the intro to this year’s College Jeopardy Championship...but didn’t play it in the form of a question and will be replaced next year by the UCLA marching band...Troy 51 Trees 6

#3 California: IDLE (next vs. Oregon State)

#4 Ohio State over #23 PURDUE giving 7: Big Ten has certainly been a bit outta’ whack, but Buckeyes seem to be the one constant. Boilers 2-8 ATS last 10 vs. ranked teams and we give the edge to State for decent road triumph at Washington....Buckeyes 33 Purdue 24

#5 Wisconsin over ILLINOIS taking 2: We thought about this choice for lock. Despite 4-1straight up run, Illini still 12-39 SU over last 4+ seasons. No question, Badgers are walkin’ on the edge of the razor blade, but all they have to do is win here. Wisky hasn’t lost in Champaign since 2001. Lions out-gained Illini by almost a C-note, but coughed it up four times...Cheese-heads 20 Illini 16

FLORIDA ATLANTIC over #6 South Florida taking 15 1/2: Hey look!..It’s those Owls again! FAU has failed to cover in the last 9 times it got double-digits outside the Sun Belt. Only one of those games was at home however and that was in early 2005. Not a look-ahead spot for the Bulls, but they did struggle badly to beat Florida International and Central Florida in 2006, plus they’re off the draining Big Least win against West Virginia...USF 27 Owls 13

Bowling Green over #7 BOSTON COLLEGE taking 20 1/2: Spidey-sense tingling... whispering "upset". Maybe Eagles are licking their chops for next week’s shot at redemption against fledgling Irish. Falcons have already toppled the Gophers away and lost respectably at Michigan State...BC 28 BGU 24

#10 Oklahoma over #19 Texas giving 11 (@Dallas): Sooners 5-2 SU/ATS, but 0-2 SU/ATS last two Red River Shootouts. Raise yer hand if ya saw the Bison upset comin’!!!!! Sooners have two redshirt freshmen and a sophomore starting in the backfield. For those who’ve seen the commercial..."A stain, Oklahoma?! A Buffalo stain?! How DARE you disrespect Vindy, your COUNtry and your MA-ma!!!"...Daggone Houdinis 34 Texas 17

#12 Georgia over #TENNESSEE taking 2: This one got "lock" consideration too. Vols 2-5 ATS last 7 vs. Joja’ and giving up about 37 points per game, so unless the strategy is to win a track meet with the Bulldogs, Rocky Top needs a new plan...UGA 34 Tennessee 20

#13 West Virginia over SYRACUSE giving 25: Pat White may not start at QB for the Mountaineers. Orange 10-4 ATS vs. ranked teams since 2004, including "Holy crap!" upset over Louisville. ‘Cuse lost this one last season by 24 ...Mounties 41 Syracuse 13

#14 Oregon: IDLE (next vs. Washington State)

#15 Virginia Tech over #22 CLEMSON taking 5 ½: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Hokies quietly regaining their composure (and their season) with three straight wins after disaster in Baton Rouge. Make it four...Tech 16 Clemson 9

#16 HAWAII over Utah State giving 40: ‘Bows are 15-8 ATS last 4 years on the Island. Aggies left whatever they had on the field last week, covering in the only game that really matters to them...Utah. Credit the Rainbow Warriors defense for last week’s cover, turning two of Idaho’s five interceptions into "pick six". Assuming Team Aloha doesn’t turn it over itself another six times (like it did last week), Hawaii should grab the spread win. Aggies are, however, 2-2-1 against the number. ‘Bows need the 60's again. They get it...HI 63 USU 20

#25 Nebraska over #17 MISSOURI taking 6 1/2: Hard to overlook Tigers’ 9-13-2 ATS record in the Big 12 last 3 years. Another test defensively for Nebraska. Children of the Corn on 0-4 ATS streak, but we like ‘em straight up here anyway ...Big Red 34 Mizzou 29

#18 Arizona State over WASHINGTON STATE giving 8 ½: For getting bashed at Arizona last week and wrecking one of Vin’s "best bet" wagers, we’ve asked that the Cougar defense be saddled with those "Hello Kitty" armbands currently being used as marks of shame in Thailand! Nothing to suggest Devils won’t light up Wazzou’s porous stoppers again...ASU 45 WSU 24

#20 Cincinnati over #21 RUTGERS taking 3 1/2: We liked it better when Cincy was gettin’ 6. Big Creased conference might come down to Cincinnati or South Florida this year! Bearkats were in the thick of Knights’ late-2006 collapse, knocking off the State Uni of New Jersey in Cincinnati. Stayin’ with hot Bearkats...WKRP 23 (unless you’re a Loni Anderson fan, look it up on the ‘Net!) Rutgers 20

#24 KANSAS STATE over Kansas giving 3: Collectively, these two are 6-0 against the line to-date. Fightin’ Manginos have the offense (and defense) in fine shape, appropriately smoking weaker opponents. State’s only blemish is 10-point defeat at Auburn. History tips this in favor of the host squad...’Cats 27 Birds 20

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Ummmm...did anybody else watchin’ the Ducks-Bears game hear one of the ESPN-on-ABC announcers say the ball "stuck to his fingers like Teflon" following a nice catch with outstretched digits by an Oregon receiver early in the game?! Yep, Vindy always reaches for the Teflon spray when he wants something to stick!

Referencing that same game, until an announcer noted the little yellow bars under each team name on the ever-present scoreboard-and-down-counter TV inset actually represent the number of time-outs each team has available, Vindicator kept wondering if somebody’s cell phone needed to be charged. (Can you cheer me now?)

JoPa said this week he’s not interested in receiving a forfeited win from Michigan if the Wolverines used an ineligible player in State’s 14-9 loss at Ann Arbor. (You tell ‘em, Joe!...We don’t need no stinkin’ forfeit!) Officials at Notre Dame, however, said they’d be "more than happy" to take that victory off Coach Paterno’s hands, free-of-charge and have Charlie Weis standing by to drive from South Bend to Happy Valley and personally pick it up!

In a related story, reassuring his team, the Lions faithful and the media that there wouldn’t be a change under center in light of critical interceptions thrown in the last two games, JoPa kept saying "Rex...um..er...I mean...Anthony... Morelli ...is our quarterback!"

The NHL regular season opened in London this past Saturday. During a game last February, Southern Cal’s goalie mooned the crowd. How Terrell Owens. got between the pipes for the Trojans without detection is still a mystery!

Former net-minder and current coach of the Oklahoma City Blazers hockey team, Doug Sauter, recently thwarted a stampede by biting the ear of a horse. Given the hockey background and uh...special skill...he demonstrated, we’re thinkin’ Doogie’s got a career in boxing!

Responding to a question about whether she would root for her hometown Cubbies or the NY Yankees if they played vs. each other in this year’s World Series, Hillary Clinton said she "would probably have to alternate sides." Yeah okay, we’ve heard that about her, but we still wanna’ know which ballclub the former First Lady would actually cheer in the October Classic!

Evander Holyfield has put out a grill, a la the George Foreman version. We hear it’s great for cookin’ ears...of corn, that is!

Back in July, the NAACP officially buried the "N-word". Who woulda’ thought the word in question was really "Notre (Dame)!"

The folks at Paul Brown Stadium in Cincinnati (home of the NFL’s Bengals) have elected to solve its pigeon problem by shooting the pesky fowl with air rifles. We heard they’re calling in VP Cheney and making some poor beer vendor stand near the flock of birds yelling, "Cooooooooo, coooooooooo!"

Exam answers: 1) Five 2) Pick one (in no particular order): Alabama, Arkansas, Auburn, LSU, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina, Ole Miss, Mississippi State, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee and Vandy 3) Burt Reynolds 4) Durham, NC 5) Jerome Bettis

Your ranking if you got...
5 correct: Head coach
4 correct: Starting QB
3 correct: Third-string defensive lineman
2 correct: Waterboy
0-1 correct: Special teams tackling dummy

"Locked in a Box?": Vindy’s now hit on 4 of 5 (.800) lock picks courtesy of the Cincinnati Bearkats!

Shoppe Talk: The previously-noted Week Five teams all posted forecast dubya’s (or at least a push in Ohio State’s case), so we welcome those Morganbillies of West Virginia and Vindy’s own Nitwit Lions to the Shoppe, both with a trio of consecutive forecast losses!

Vindy’s Week 6 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-4 (President Bush authorized Vin to invoke executive privilege to avoid explaining this) Season: 9-13 (.409)
UNR -3 1/2 over Fresno State, ARMY -6 1/2 over Tulane, WYOMING -3 over Texas Christian, Idaho +7 over SAN JOSE STATE

Vindy's Picks Week 5-2007

RUSSIANS UNCONTESTED OVER INDY AIRSPACE

QUANTICO, Virginia (AP)....Military officials here anxiously watched their radar screens as sorties from the former Soviet Union flew unescorted in the skies over Notre Dame during training exercises this past week. The Russians have fired up their air force lately in an effort to resurrect their international image as a global military power, setting off scrambles by British and other European interceptors in the past few months. In a bolder move, the Communist aircraft veered into U.S. territory this week and were quickly met by fighter pilots, but when the MiGs and bombers headed toward South Bend, U.S. pilots broke contact, saying, "Awwwww, let the comrades have some fun!" and did not pick the Russian planes up again until they resumed flight further south toward Louisville. Spectators say even the Touchdown Jesus statue headed for cover.

Displaying the kind of lateral mobility usually reserved only for NHL Playoff goalies, Vindicator diverted questions about Week Four’s disastrous forecast that saw him go 2-10 through the first dozen finals en route to a 7-12 week (33-39-1, .458) then offered only "Ummm....clean-up on Aisle Six" for the media before stealing off to his Man-Cave to produce...

THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 5 FORECAST

FRI. SEPT. 28
#5 West Virginia over #18 SOUTH FLORIDA giving 7: Contrary to the Weber Kid’s Week Four thoughts, neither side looked ahead enough to this one to fail against the line. Mounties would sure like to avenge loss to Bulls that sent ‘Eers to the Gator instead of a potential second-straight BCS bowl. WVU was first team this year to reach 4-0 ATS and is 13-4 as road chalk over the past four-plus seasons. USFs 28-13 home final vs. Elon just keeps wandering to the forefront of Vindy’s consciousness...Mountaineers 27 Souffle 13

SAT. SEPT. 29
#1 Southern Cal over WASHINGTON giving 21: UDUB looked early on like it was gonna’ finally get off the schnide with a pair of outright wins, then tumbled in the face of a difficult schedule. It won’t get any better hosting the top-ranked Trojans and their 79 returning lettermen...USC 54 Huskies 19

#2 Louisiana State over TULANE giving 40: Oklahoma didn’t succumb at Tulsa. Tigers won’t tank a cover in New Orleans (at least not THIS week). Tulane’s 21-point loss to Mississippi State and mere 8-point win over I-AA Southeast Weeziana suggests it has no shot. Is the "Green Wave" environmentally-friendly?! ...LSU 45 Toodles 0

#3 Oklahoma over COLORADO giving 22 1/2: Homecoming for the Bison, who cost Vindy a best bet pick by trouncing Miami-Ohio last week. Sooners are on probation because players got paid for work they didn’t actually do at a local car dealership. Apparently, in Norman, FORD is really just an acronym for "Faking Our Responsibilities, Dude!"...OK 51 Buffaloes 17

Auburn over #4 FLORIDA taking 18 ½: Gators suffered 127 penalty yards on 14 flags vs. Mississippi. UF also out-gained the Rebels by better than 100 yards on offense, but Tigers haven’t been blasted by the Gators since 2000. Auburn defense keeps ‘em in it...Florida 23 Auburn 20

#11 OREGON over #6 California giving 5: Huge game for both teams. Ducks 17-6 SU on the Pond since beginning of 2003 season. Gang Green defense ain’t quite what it once was and Berkeley will put up some points without question. Mallards get the nod based on what it did in Ann Arbor...Quack Attack 42 Cal 35

Kansas State over #7 TEXAS taking 15: UPSET SPECIAL #1. Tough to really gauge this year’s ‘Cats at the moment, but last three games between these two have been decided by 3, 4 and 3 points, including last season’s 45-42 shootout won by State in Manhattan. Steers were #4 team at the time. Longhorns have had a half-dozen players arrested on various charges since June. One more and UT at Austin becomes the official "farm team" of the Cincinnati Bengals!... Kansas State 30 Horns 27

#8 Ohio State over MINNESOTA giving 23: Buckeyes continue to show the strength of their reserve depth and answered lackluster effort vs. Akron earlier in September with solid covers over Washington and Northwestern. Minny is probably the best offense State has faced. It’s also likely the worst defense it’s faced. The +18 turnover ratio from 2006 is catching up to the Gophers...Ohio State 43 Gerbils 16

Michigan State over #9 WISCONSIN taking 7 1/2: UPSET SPECIAL #2. Badgers look less-than-invincible and may be ripe for the upset here. State actually toppled Wisky in 2004. It also opened 2005 at 4-0 SU and 2006 at 3-0 SU before the wheels fell off. Could happen again here under first-year commander Mark Dantonio. Spartans are 1-4-1 ATS in games against ranked teams. Who believes in trends?...Michigan State 29 Badgers 27

Maryland over #10 RUTGERS taking 16: We thought about this one for "lock". Terps D folded like a beach umbrella with Wake Forest game seemingly well in-hand only to lose in extra frames. First real test for the Knights after warming up vs. Buffalo, Navy and Norfolk State. This time last year, Box Turtles went on a 6-1 straight-up run, all decided by 6 or less...Rutgers 24 Maryland 20

Massachusetts @ #12 BOSTON COLLEGE: No line.

#13 Clemson over GEORGIA TECH taking 3: Recent history favors Clemson. Bees were quickly exposed, while Tigers are off to 4-0 start, with two conference victories already under their belts. ‘Jackets haven’t forgotten last year’s 31-7 thrashing by the Tigers in Carolina...

Clemson 24 Wreck 17

#14 KENTUCKY over Florida Atlantic giving 23: After years of fearing any team nicknamed "Owls" (i.e. Temple and Rice), our forecaster finds himself smitten by Florida Atlantic. The only two tickets Vin has cashed on the season have both been covers by FAU.. Despite a couple of crummy overall weeks, we take solace in calling the back-to-back upsets by Kentucky. Going back to last season, ‘Cats have been the play in 8 of last 9, so we go to the bluegrass well again ... Wildcats 48 FAU 20

#15 GEORGIA over Mississippi giving 15: In May, pictures of Bulldog QB Matthew Stafford holding a beer keg over his head while allegedly attending a NASCAR race appeared on the ‘Net. School officials said the photos could’ve been altered (Uh...YEAH...that keg coulda’ been EMPTY!). Can’t see Rebels duplicating last week’s home effort in cover against the Gators. Joja’ needs to press that advantage to make another statement akin to nice opening triumph over Oklahoma State...Dawgs 27 Ole Mist 8

Mississippi State over #16 SOUTH CAROLINA taking 14: Freshman Chris Smelley steps in to replace Cocks’ 5th-year senior QB Blake. Bulldogs aren’t world-beaters, but are playing well enough to post 3-1 outright record and have sufficient defenders to keep it close. Caught between a Gamecock and a hard place, we call... South Carolina 17 MSU 6

North Carolina over #17 VIRGINIA TECH taking 17 ½: Tarheels handed South Florida four interceptions and held the Bulls to three FGs for a decent stretch spanning the second- and third quarters. It would just be too easy to lay the juice with Tech, so we won’t...VT 20 UNC 7

#19 Hawaii over IDAHO giving 26 1/2: For a fleeting moment, we contemplated taking the points. Potato-heads looked more like the Idaho team we expected this season, as extremely rare I-A chalk role, in loss to Northern Illinois than team that covered opener vs. Southern Cal. Vandals’ previous opponents rushed as part of the game plan. The only running Idaho’s gonna’ see the ‘Bows do is to and from the tunnel!...Hawaii 49 Idaho 20

#20 Missouri: IDLE (next vs. Nebraska)

#21 Penn State over ILLINOIS giving 3: Some folks during the pre-season said this one had upset written all over it. Had the Lions actually won in Ann Arbor, we might’ve agreed. State dodged an early bullet on reversal of what Vindicator thought was a Lion turnover in 1st Quarter of Michigan game, but the third-down pass D was nowhere to be found....Lions 24 Illinois 16

#22 Alabama over FLORIDA STATE taking 2 ½: Tide’s played the tougher schedule. Injuns have logged more travel miles. State’s offense is not significantly better now than it was this time last year despite massive major coaching changes. On a "neutral" site in Jacksonville, it’s...’Bama 17 ‘Noles 16

#23 Arizona State over STANFORD giving 14 ½: Another choice we considered for lock pick. What in the world is with all the r-e-s-p-e-c-t the Cardinal’s getting of late from the lines-makers? When Coach Harbaugh pulls the strap that tightens his headband does he go all ninja or gain super-human strength or what? OK, certain trends favor Stanford. It’s covered 7 times in last 9 tries here. Alas, the Trees have allowed 45 to UCLA and 55 to the Mallards. First road game for Devils and fact that ASU has held only 5 opponents to 13 or fewer and 11 foes under 20 since start of 2004 campaign are Vin’s only remote clues to this spread...Arizona State 42 Stanford 19

#24 Cincinnati over SAN DIEGO STATE giving 14: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. In honor of the late-great Marcel Marceau, we’ll just act out our choice on this game. (Oh...ummm....for those not fluent in "mime"...that was a simulation of the ol’ "Aztecs-trapped-in-a-box").... Bearkats 31 SDSU 3

Iowa State over #25 NEBRASKA taking 22: A Nebraska soccer mom so upset with daughter’s game performance, left her on along the side of I-80. Big Red coach Bill Callahan had similar thoughts following Huskers’ 41-40 win over Ball State (in which the Cardinals blew an extra point and missed a 55-yard FG with 15 seconds left), but drove the Blackshirts somewhere near Des Moines, Iowa first!..Nebraska 24 ISU9

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vindicator was listening on the Russian radio frequency and thinks he heard one of the pilots quip, <<Talk to me, Goosekov!>>

This month’s ish of MAXIM delineates the "10 Worst 2007 BCS college football teams". In order from 10th-worst to worst: #10 Notre Dame, #9 Vandy, #8 Indiana, #7 Baylor, #6 Iowa State, #5 Mississippi State, #4 Washington, #3 Syracuse (who has toppled Louisville since that article was published!), #2 Stanford and the #1 team...are ya ready?...Raise yer hand if ya know this one...No surprise....Slap yerself if ya missed it...Duke!

In February, JoPa inked a deal with Pittsburgh-based R Super Foods to allow his likeness on boxes of Super Donuts and cinnamon Super Buns. Unknown to Coach Paterno, his Lions pass defense apparently signed on to make the cover of the brand’s package of donut holes!

Teams that are perfect or "perfect" in four lined opportunities thus far: Oklahoma, Oregon and West Virginia (4-0 ATS); Navy and Notre Dame (0-4 ATS); dishonorable mention to the Gilded Gerbils of Minnesota (0-3-1). Meanwhile, perennial doormats Duke and Temple are a combined 6-2 (.800)!

On a serious note for a moment, we tip our helmets to the New Mexico State University Aggies for being "tough enough" to don pink ribbons on their helmets and pink socks to promote breast cancer research during this week’s tilt against Arkansas-Pine Bluff. Vindy walked 3 ½ miles last year in support of the same cause.

Britney Spears was seen chucking a baby bottle at paparazzi in August. After reviewing the video of that incident, Charlie Weis has been secretly allowing Spears to run the scout team during practice sessions and announced he will start the pop star under center this week at Purdue! (She might start under THE center as well, but that’s whole other story!)

The NY Jets trained with Mike Tyson’s first coach, Teddy Atlas, during the off-season. At 1-3, the Gliders ain’t tearing up the NFL, but they are proficient at biting ears and eating other people’s children!

George Clooney is recovering from injuries sustained recently during a motorcycle accident in Palisades, New Jersey. Not to worry, Ladies...Big George will be up and throwing touchdown passes for the Steelers in no time!

And finally....the National Champion men’s and women’s rifle teams from University of Alaska-Fairbanks recently were guests of President Bush in D.C. The shooters attributed at least part of their success to practices involving identification of targets as "friend or fowl"...a routine they refer to as the "Cheney Drill"!(BTW, shooting a teammate in the face is a mandatory two-tenths deduction during national competitions!)

"Wish I Had That One Back": The Florida-Mississippi game...just because Vindy is an idiot and typed the choice in wrong (we had Florida laying 21) despite favoring Ole Miss in the write-up and the score prediction.

"Locked in a Box?": The Mighty Ducks of Eugene boost the lock record to 3-1with an offense-filled, but defense-less cover against Stanford!

Shoppe Talk: Vindicator stocks the dental hygiene supplies at the Shoppe with anti-freeze-laden toothpaste from China for the Buckeyes, Huskers, Aggies and Gators...all with three forecast losses!

Vindy’s Week 5 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-1 Season: 7-9 (.437)
Temple +6 over ARMY, Buffalo +16 1/2 over BALL STATE, MIAMI-OHIO +2 over Syracuse, OHIO +1 over Kent State, VIRGINIA -7 over Pittsburgh, Washington State +2 1/2 over ARIZONA

Hey...despite the overall carnage, Vindicator’s preferred plays (lock pick and best bets) hit on four outta’ five (80%)! Now if you’ll excuse him, our perplexed prognosticator needs to go wipe the Domino’s oreo dessert pizza mustache off his...forecast!

Vindy's Picks Week 4-2007

TEAMS BONING UP ON ANTI-SPY METHODS

FT. HUACHUCA, Arizona (CNN)...Teams, both pro and college, are lining up to schedule training here at the U.S. Army’s military intelligence school in the wake of the NFL’s latest scandal involving spying on the opposition. An anonymous "spook" talking from behind a curtain and electronically altering his or her voice let it be known that all participants attending classes here would learn basic and advanced techniques for not only detecting the presence of spies, such as the bogus equipment manager, the "art student" sketching "harmless pictures" of the game or even infiltrations known to former Get Smart actor Don Adams as "the old fake cheerleader with the bug hidden in the pom-poms trick" (often foiled by recognition of excess facial razor-stubble, Adam’s apple and...uh...Brazilian bikini sacks!), but also tried-and-true methods of defeating spies, such as reflecting sunlight off watches, bracelets, tongue-piercings and other shiny objects into the eyes of photographers; installing trapdoors under stadium seats likely to be holding spies; exploding candy-grams and the ever-popular "dropping bombs from paper airplanes on your opponents" (as detailed by the Spy Vs. Spy cartoon in monthly issues of Mad Magazine!).

Satisfied with just achieving a stable, kissing-your-sister-like 8-8-1 for Week Three (26-27-1, .490), we crank it up again with...

THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 4 FORECAST

THURS. SEPT. 20
#20 Texas A&M over MIAMI taking 3: Two teams trying to re-establish themselves as contenders (again!)... neither doing so impressively. Sooners racked up better than twice as many passing yards as rushing yards. Aggies’ tendency to stay on the ground gives ‘Canes a fighting chance. Miami sleep-walked past Florida International 23-9. No choice but to take the points...A&M 27 Coral Gables 24

FRI. SEPT. 21
#4 Oklahoma over TULSA giving 22: Sooners have yielded all of 26 points in three games to-date this year and have covered 2 of the last 3 vs. Golden Hurricane. Can’t see the Okies looking ahead to flailing Buffaloes in Big 12 opener since Tulsa is the more-dangerous foe. Despite what the home team did to BYU last week...OU 44 Tulsa 13

SAT. SEPT. 22
#1 USC over Washington State giving 25 ½: Trojans are less-than-exciting 10-14 ATS playing conference teams, but blew out Nebraska despite sloppy game (5 fumbles [1 lost] and 100+ penalty yards on 10 flags). Coogs lost by 21 at possibly-over-rated Wisky...Troy 48 Wazzou 17

#2 LSU over #12 South Carolina giving 16: These two squared off only twice previously in the last 10 years, with Bengals winning and covering both. First try for Steve Spurrier as a Gamecock. Tigers only 16-12-1 ATS over last 4+ seasons in Baton Rouge, but they’ve smoked the two teams they should have...and one they shouldn’t have! Even if Perrilloux makes only his second start in place of injured State QB Flynn, we still the D to keep the poultry far enough away... LSU 31 SC 13

#3 Florida over MISSISSIPPI giving 21: First meeting since 20-17 win by Florida over 12-point dog Ole Miss. At least one trend favors the Rebels in the revenge mode. Rebels seem to save their best games for ranked teams, going 13-4 against the line in last 17, and they return 15 starters from the 2006 squad that played LSU to a three-point decision in Baton Rouge. Crocs piled it on last week against the Vols, scoring 24 points in the 4th Quarter...Florida 38 Mississippi 20

East Carolina over #5 WEST VIRGINIA taking 24 1/2: Pirates have covered last five when getting double-digits, including last two years against West Virginia. WVU has squeaked by the last two lines by combined total of 1 ½ points. Big conference trip to South Florida on-deck for the Mountaineers. ECU played Virginia Tech tough...WVU 41 ECU 20

#6 CAL over Arizona giving 16 ½: We’ll take the potent Bears offense over an Arizona stop-squad that’s just not showing the experience of the 10 returning upperclassmen starters from last season. Cal also has revenge factor for last year’s 24-20 defeat...Berkeley 42 AZ 19

Rice over #7 TEXAS taking 39: Longhorns regain the services of three previously-suspended players. Owls have been horrible thus far, even losing to AA Nicholls State en route to three straight defeats and an 0-2 spread record. Well off its historical rushing yardage, Owls have also allowed 12 sacks in three games. Vindy just can’t bring himself to spot this much here...Steers 42 Rice 9

Northwestern over #8 OHIO STATE taking 22: Wildcats have been betting gold for 14 straight years prior to facing the Wolverines, with most of those spread wins coming against Penn State, Iowa and Wisconsin. ‘Cats owe it to themselves and their fans to show up this week after outright loss to (GASP!) Duke!...OSU 24 NW 13

Iowa over #9 WISCONSIN taking 8: From 2003 to 2006, Hawkeyes went from 10 spread wins to 10 spread losses in a season. Badgers aren’t really playing like a Top 10 squad of late. An upset here wouldn’t be a shocker given this season’s early results...Wisky 21 Iowa 19

#10 Penn State over MICHIGAN giving 3: The latest ish of ESPN: Da’ Mag says the Lions are using PS3 to train their quarterbacks. Buffalo musta’ had its own Madden ‘08 program going and got hold of a cheat-code book given the three 4th Quarter touchdowns it scored in Happy Valley last Saturday! Does blasting of Fight-less Irish mean Big Blew is back?! We think not. Lions did give up 10 more points to Notre Dame than Michigan did though...State 23 Michigan 16

#11 Rutgers: IDLE (next vs. Maryland 9/29)

#13 Oregon over STANFORD giving 16: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Ducks are only 20-13 ATS over the last four seasons against fellow PAC-10 teams, but have owned the Cardinal. Only one of the past three Stanford coaches posted a spread win over the Mallards. Jim Harbaugh fails in his first try as Ducks trek into the 50's again... Quack Attack 52 Trees 20

#14 BOSTON COLLEGE over Army giving 29: Which Hudson River U. platoon shows up? The one had to beat Rhode Island at home 14-7 in OT or the one that just dropped a heart-breaking 2-point decision at Wake Forest as a three-TD dog? President Bush said he would veto any legislation that included a time-frame for withdrawal of the Keydets from the playing field...BC 41 West Point 7

#15 Clemson over NC STATE giving 7 ½: Wolfpack still adjusting to new coach Tom O’Brien. Tigers would be 2-0 ATS if not for last minute trash-time TD by Weeziana-Monroe. Assuming the starters play all four quarters...Clemson 27 NCSU 14

#16 ALABAMA over #22 Georgia giving 3 ½: The Bulldogs are closing off this week’s practice sessions to the public. For a nominal fee, however, Tide players, coaches and alumni can view the video, up-linked via satellite by Bill Belichick...’Bama 20 Joja’ 13

William & Mary @ #17 VIRGINIA TECH: No line.

#18 LOUISVILLE over Syracuse giving 37: Orange catches Redbirds in Louisville at a bad, bad time. ‘Cuse, whose skill levels rank maybe a notch above Murray State, becomes first I-A squad to hit 0-4 against the number this year... Cards 56 Orange 10

Charleston Southern @ #19 HAWAII: No line.

#21 Kentucky over ARKANSAS taking 6 1/2: ‘Cats #11 rushing game faces ‘Hogs #4 rushing game. Arkansas only #105 in passing though and possibly drained by ‘Bama’s last minute win. Down 21 early, Arkansas got back in the game vs. ‘Bama when Tide missed a 37-yard FG and ‘Bama QB Wilson coughed up the football twice in the 4th Quarter. It would’ve been useful to know ahead of time that Tom Donaghy was a Razorbacks fan!...Kentucky 24 Arkansas 23

North Carolina over #23 SOUTH FLORIDA taking 14: Who’s hungry for a Bull sandwich? USF is caught between last week’s overtime victory against Auburn and looking forward to Big East opener vs. West Virginia ...South Florida 17 Tarheels 7

#24 NEBRASKA over Ball State giving 22 ½: State’s been a crap-shoot as a road dog last four-plus years (12-12 ATS). Third consecutive away game for the Cardinals. Huskers lost badly to Southern Cal last season and followed that up by crushing Troy 56-Zippo!...Big Red 45 Little Redbirds 13

Illinois State @ #25 MISSOURI: No line.

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, a former Chinese ambassador to North Korea has been accused of giving up secrets about the communist country to its Democratic neighbors to the South. Boy, that Patriots cameraman gets around, doesn’t he???!!!

Allegations have to come to light that Pats defensive linemen were wired to intercept Jets offensive signals during the opener on September 9th. A New England spokesperson has dismissed those rumors, saying the linemen were simply using the helmet transmitters to listen to the Red Sox-Orioles broadcast that day!

On the telly...starters, coaches and parents match wits on academic topics against reserves way down the depth chart on..."Are You Smarter than A Fifth-Stringer?!"

OJ Simpson was arrested for involvement in robbery of memorabilia here in Sin City. One recovered item of note was an 8x10 picture of Juice with J. Edgar Hoover. Items at the crime scene included a bloody 5x7 frame. Said Johnnie Cochran, "If the frame don’t fit, you must acquit!"

The February 26th ish of ESPN Da’ Mag reported a Brazilian soccer referee pulled red panties instead of a red card out of his pocket during a match. Hmmmm....can we get the NFL to issue red challenge panties and other lacy under-things to coaches starting next season and have something a la "the AT&T first call to the bullpen" like, "This first coaches’ challenge brought to you by....Victoria Secret!?"

Vindy noticed an AP article recently about a 17th Century diary in Switzerland that details weather "so cold, the communion wine froze". Funny...that exact same thing happened this past Sunday as the Irish football team filed past the altar at the Notre Dame chapel!

One of the reasons given for Britney Spears’ flop at the recent MTV Video Music Awards here in Vegas was that she showed up three hours late to rehearsal, holding frozen margaritas. A staffer close to the Michigan football team reassured media that the margaritas consumed by the Wolverines before playing Oregon were finished at least 12 hours prior to kickoff!

Well-known baseball card manufacturer, Topps Company, is in the business of selling out to an investment company controlled by former Disney head man Michael Eisner. Following the takeover, foil "chase"cards featuring players wearing Mickey Mouse ears will be inserted in random packs.

Is Vindicator the only one expecting some savvy guy in charge of stadium music to crank up Secret Agent Man or The Spy Who Loved Me over the loudspeaker the next time Bill Belichick steps foot onto an opponent’s home-field??!! As part of his punishment for the whole spy thing, Belichick must pay $500K, only refer to himself as "007" during all post-game interviews and must make a cameo appearance in the next "Austin Powers" movie!

"Wish I Had That One Back": The only tilt from Week Three that Weber had pegged as a possible "wish" pick was Nebraska and da’ points over USC after questioning Huskers’ ability to run on the Trojan D.

"Locked in a Box?": We rebound nicely to post a 2-1 lock record behind "upset-special" Boston College’s outright victory over the Bees!

Shoppe Talk: Several possible teams here following deluge of back-to-back forecast losses, but one of those teams has a history of haunting this column...those Florida Gators!

Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 4-8 (.333)
Miami-Ohio +14 over COLORADO, Uconn +9 over PITT, KANSAS -31 over Florida International, Florida Atlantic -6 over NORTH TEXAS