Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Between the Hashmarks Week 3-2014

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah (BBC)…Over the summer, officials at Utah revamped the Utes’ fight song lyrics from “man” to “fan” to avoid the appearance of being sexist. In a show of solidarity, other musicians and record companies have since followed suit, leading to such title alterations as… “Soul Fan” by the Blues Brothers, “Secret Agent Fan”- Johnny Rivers, “Tax Fan”- Beatles, “Mr. Tambourine Fan”- Bob Dylan, “When a Fan Loves a Woman”- Percy Sledge, “Iron Fan”- Black Sabbath,  “Back Door Fan”- The Doors, “Piano Fan”- Billy Joel, “Rocket Fan”- Elton John, “Southern Fan”- Neil Young, “Old Fan”- also Neil Young, “Sharp Dressed Fan”- ZZ Top, “Fan in the Mirror”- Michael Jackson, “When I Was Your Fan”- Bruno Mars, “Macho Fan”- Village People, “The Fan in Black”- Johnny Cash, “What a Fan”- Salt N Pepa, “Stand By Your Fan”- Tammy Wynette, and of course, “Walk Like a Fan”- Frankie Valle. In fact… zoos, fruit stands and fashion shops now feature fanatees, fandarin oranges and fannaquins, respectively.

We apologize to our loyal readership looking for our usual slate of game predictions, but we have taken back-to-back poor outings that left us at 8-20 overall and 1-7 on “best bets” through the first two weeks of the 2014 campaign as a sign that the college football pantheon, or the powers of the universe it represents, wants us to take a break. So be it. The picks are on sabbatical until next August (unless we decide to give the bowls a go) so we can recalibrate the abacus and the slide-rule we generally use to formulate our ATS selections. Meanwhile, we’ll continue to post stuff weekly that would normally show up as a lead “news story” or at least in…

BTW, even international sports leagues are hopping on the Utah bandwagon, including English soccer stalwart… Fanchester United!
Following the act of Johnny Football, Texas A&M’s new gunslinger at QB prefers the nickname…“Can He Drill”?!...What’d he say???!!!

Upset alert…FCS #3 SE Louisiana @ TULANE (no line). Lions are 2-0 after pounding a Southern Utah team that trailed UNR by just 8 points midway thru the 3rd Quarter…at Reno…and ultimately lost by just 9.
Bo Pelini led his Huskers onto the field before the Nebraska Spring Game, while holding up his cat skyward in an apparent homage to the Lion King. The stadium-operator misunderstood the NU coach’s subsequent request to play “Hakuna Matata” and instead blasted Iron Butterfly’s “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” over the PA system! Not to be out-done, the Big Red baseball coach requested the playing of “On-Deck Circle of Life” and “Glove Lies Bleeding” as his squad took the diamond in its next game!

Ahead of the AFC Championship contest last January, Patriots kicker Gostkowski would not reveal the song he uses as the soundtrack to a video-mash-up of some of his important FGs, which he creates and watches while prepping for the game each week. Given the mental state usually attributed to players at his position, the tune-in-question was probably something done by Weird Al Yankovic!
Around that same timeframe, Pope Francis selected 19 new cardinals. Later that month, the pontiff took turns helping Deion Sanders and Jerry Rice choose players for their respective Pro Bowl squads under the new non-denominational format!

In February, 5000 single-serve containers of Chobani yogurt, a sponsor of the U.S. Olympic team, didn’t make it to Sochi for the Winter Games, instead remaining in New Jersey, due to some Russian dairy-product public-health standards snafu! Opponents blamed Chris Christie for that log-jam too! Clearly, the concern was terrorists were smuggling explosives that would’ve detonated when athletes stirred the fruit at the bottom of each cup!

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