Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Between the Hashmarks Week 4-2014


PHILADELPHIA, Pa. (UPI)…Lambasted in the media for, then admitting to, leaving a 20-cent gratuity for a server on a burger-joint tab for over $60, Eagles RB LeSean McCoy has decided to pursue a rap music career, going by the name “Twenty Cent”. Plans are already underway to join forces with Curtis Jackson AKA “Fifty-Cent” on a nationwide concert tour called “Seventy Cent On Da’ Dollah”! McCoy may also get to throw out the first pitch of a Major League Baseball playoff game. Hopefully, it’ll be less than half as bad as Fifty Cent’s was. Asked about his soon-to-be co-star’s claim of being reportedly shot nine times, McCoy stated has never suffered a bullet wound, but “did take nine snaps from the shotgun formation during preseason practices” in Philly’s rendition of the Wildcat!

BTW, Vindy’s spies say before leaving the restaurant, the beleaguered running back took the twenny pennies and threw them in the air to “make it rain”!
UNLV took first-place in the Victoria Secret Pink Nation “Craziest Campus Showdown” last week. The prize is still under wraps for now, but the looks on the Rebel’s football players’ faces when dozens of frilly, lacy, pink underthings are delivered to the locker room will be priceless!

Back in Week One, we noted the Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com strategy of wagering on bowl teams from the previous season who drop their first two games SU, then win Game Three outright and host their Game Four opponent. The first three weeks of 2014 have eliminated all but two of the possible contenders, but the remaining teams meeting the criteria are…Vanderbilt and Washington State. Da’ Commodores are gettin’ 21vs. the South Carolina Gamecocks and Wazzou’s taking 23 vs. the Mallards of Oregon. Vandy looks absolutely lost without coach James Franklin (now at Vindy’s alma mater) and the Ducks could be bankin’ on the perceived strength of conference to blaze the path to the Final Four, but a bye week’s comin’ up after this one and style-points won’t hurt. Our choices? Bet on the Admirals, pass on the Coogs, who’ve lost by 15, 25 and 24 the last three years.
The NCAA has cut a deal with “Star Wars” merchandise to provide movie-themed apparel for its colleges. Keep an eye out in your fave campus bookstores for shirts, hoodies, PJs, etc. featuring such things as…”These aren’t the draw-plays you’re looking for.”, “Use the Air Force, Luke!”, Auburn coach Darth Malzahn, Bowling Green (or Air Force) Millennium Falcons, Rutgers Scarlet Jedi Knights, Texas Tech Red Tusken Raiders and of course, Rebel Bases of Ole Miss and UNLV!

We thank Northern Illinois (-10 ½) and Nebraska (-11 ½) for covering at UNLV and Fresno State, respectively, thus letting us cash our first parlay ticket on the season!
ATS runs and skids thru Week Three (with three lined games): 3-0: Weeziana Tech, Ole Miss and UTEP; 0-3: Fresno State, Kent State, UCLA and Vandy!

This just in…Seminoles QB Jameis Winston earned himself the right to spend the first thirty minutes of game-time vs. Clemson on the pine for spouting an obscene phrase while standing atop a table in the student union. We have a two-word prediction for Winston’s future as an NFL quarterback…Ryan Leaf  (or maybe even Art Schlicter!)
The faux-fainting ploy used by Arkansas State on special teams vs. Miami was reportedly run in practice, but we think Booker Mays accidentally made eye-contact with George Clooney, who was on the ASU sidelines reprising his role from “The Men Who Stare at Goats”!!!

With the Seattle Super Bowl victory well-in-hand at the end of the second quarter last February, QB Russell Wilson actually took the halftime stage and lip-synched the Bruno Mars tunes alongside the Red Hot Chili Peppers (anybody else out note the irony in said-band playin’ “Give It Away” following the Broncos efforts to do just that in the first 30 minutes of the game?!). Meanwhile, the scheduled performer/pop star actually suited up and was under center the rest of the way for the Seahawks!
Multiple-choice question…Commish Roger Goodell says the league didn’t see the Ray Rice video in a timely manner because a) the VHS tape was actually sent to now-defunct Blockbuster Video to be rewound first b) the league doesn’t subscribe to Netflix! or c) the audio-visual intern had been on a leave-of-absence and nobody else at NFL Headquarters knew how to make the DVD-in-question fit the league’s Beta-Max machine!

And finally…On da’ Billboard One-Hunnert…football meets DJ Snake & Lil’ Jon in a tune called…“Turned-Over On Downs Fer What?!!!”

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