Vindy's Picks is a semi-serious, semi-tongue-in-cheek forecast of the weekly AP Top 25 college football teams against the Las Vegas pointspread. It's all in good fun and I apologize in advance to anyone taking offense...just trying to make it a bit entertaining. The "news stories" are, of course, bogus...but see what fun ya can have with current events!? It's just a hobby, I'm not a "professional" with a mystical mathematical formula to predict winners! Enjoy!
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Between the Hashmarks Week 5-2014
CLARIFY ALLEGED “TEST”
New York (ITAR-TASS)…Lost in the recent plethora of player misadventures was the outrage
following off-season revelation of the NFL’s “jiggle test” for cheerleaders. Commissioner
Roger Goodell and league officials say critics are wrong and it’s really the
“Gigli” test, in which teams test cheerleaders’ endurance by measuring how long
they can suffer through the Ben Affleck box-office bomb! In addition, the women
must be pet-friendly and pass muster with Dr. Evil’s cat , ie. the“Mr.
Bigglesworth test”! Further vetting of candidates requires ongoing mental
health assessments mandating the pom-pom squads submit to the “Sybil test”!
(The real cause behind the elevator-fight between Jay-Z and Beyonce)
fans wanting admission to the “Dog Pound” must pass the “Kibble test”!
The Nifty Lions host Northwestern this week. Last
Spring, the National Labor Relations Board ruled N-Dub players could unionize.
In April, scholarship players cast secret ballots whether or not to give the
formal okay to be represented by the College Athletes Players Association
(which if named College Athletes Players Organization,
woulda’ had the Wildcats being supported by the…CAPO!). Those votes remain
sealed until further notice as the school fights unionization.Meanwhile, we predict Coach Jimmy
Hoffa will lead the Northwestern Teamsters outta’ da’ tunnel this week then
mysteriously-disappear at halftime! The interim coach will, of course, be Jack
Lawrence’s Playbook.Com strategy of wagering on bowl teams
from the previous season that drop their first two games SU, then win Game
Three outright and host their Game
Four opponent went 2-0 again as Vandy (+21)
and Wazzou (+23 ½) both covered nicely in that role vs. South Carolina and
Steve Spurrier’s at it
again, bashin’ the Aggies’ slate. Last
time he did that, the Ol’ Ball Coach and his players got their Gamecocks
cleaned! Super Steve better hope his team and A&M don’t collide again for
the SEC Championship in December.
The Sochi Olympics mascot was dubbed “Nightmare
Bear”. Ted meets Chucky?!
In related news, Team USA’s honorary curling
team-captain in Sochi, 49ers TE Vernon Davis, drew some comparisons between the
sport-in-question and golf. Sure, why not. Every golfer hand-rolls a ball
toward the hole and has a pair of helpers with brooms, sweeping a path along
the green to the cup or to knock an opponent’s ball out of scoring range,