Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Between Da' Hashmarks Week 13-2014

FAYETTEVILLE, Arkansas (MSNBC)…As if going against the wind wasn’t difficult enough, football teams on offense now have other obstacles to consider. The NCAA apparently still needs to work a few procedural bugs out of its strategy to defend college sports venues against unwanted drone presence after issues arose during the Razorbacks 17-0 win over LSU on Saturday. Acting upon the Vegas Vindicator’s suggestion to house air defense artillery units inside the stadium, the implementation quickly took a wrong turn when an overzealous crew, fresh out of the Army’s ADA school at Ft. Sill, Oklahoma peppered a drone with rounds from a Humvee-mounted Vulcan, showering the stadium with gears, chopper-blades and other shards of metal, which spilled drinks, splattered nachos and sent players, coaches and spectators scurrying for cover during the 1st Quarter. Happy with the outcome and taking no chances, the young soldiers continued their efforts to impress, shooting-down several punts, field goal attempts, kickoffs and even a late Hail Mary pass. Similar incidents occurred during Hawaii’s 13-0 victory at San Jose State, which was also piloting the security project.

(Leading Dorothy and her companions down da’ yellow flag road!...”They’re off to see da’ Wizarrrrrrds…the Washington Wizards of Ozzzzzzzzz!” )

BTW, the errant live-fire displays left bewildered-officials at both locations wondering whether to call touchbacks, flag teams for unsportsmanlike conduct, issue bench-warnings to both sidelines or simply mark changes-of-possession at the point where kicks were disintegrated out-of-bounds! Meanwhile, terrified cheerleading squads discontinued pyramid routines and aerial stunts for fear of sending their companions too high into the air!
Kudos to da’ Virginia Tech Lil’ Smokies for pulling the upset over Duke. VT admittedly got some help from the zebras and the Blue Devils themselves, but also saw a handful of pretty nifty catches from its wide-receivers in key-situations.

No good betting week goes unpunished. We got a nice parlay win from Mizzou (+4 ½, winning outright over A&M) and UTEP -6 ½ over North Texas, but East Carolina (-2 ½) got whacked Thursday night at Cincinnati and Temple (+10 ½) held its own in Happy Valley for three quarters before losing by 17 to the Alma Mater, wasting a blowout win by Western Kentucky (-10) over Army. The other games we considered last week went a ho-hum 6-4. Pesos are already down on Texas- El Paso +9 ½ over RICE (Fri), Boston College +19 over FLORIDA STATE, Marshall -20 over UAB, Maryland +4 ½ over MEEESHIGAN and WYOMING +13 over Boise State. Still grabbing our attention… North Carolina +6 over DUKE (Thurs), Air Force +4 ½ over SAN DIEGO STATE (Fri), Air Force-SDSU “over” 50 ½, Mizzou +3 over TENNESSEE, Vanderbilt +30 over MISSISSIPPI STATE, Northwestern -3 over PURDUE, Oregon State +6 ½ over WASHINGTON and Cincinnati -10 over UCONN
Bizarre random thought…Star Wars meets the Washington NFL team’s QB…RG-3PO???!!!

NFL visiting teams’ medical personnel were interviewed by DEA agents this past weekend to gauge compliance after allegations by ex-players regarding mishandling of prescription drugs. Our first thought?...”Calling Dr. Fieldgooooooood”. And while we’re at it…somebody queue-up other Motley Crue hits Wild Sidelines, Kickoff My Heart and the immortal classic…Smokin’ in the Lockerroom!
Is it us or did anyone else out there watch the Eagles-Packers tilt and immediately flashback to “Rollerball” upon seeing Green Bay’s uniforms?!

Elsewhere…on da’ final frontier…NASA parked the Philae probe last week on a moving comet. In related news, Bears QB Jay Cutler actually hit a moving receiver with a pass for a touchdown! Cam Newton and Eli Manning are allegedly seeking advice from Mission Control!
In August, a White House official quoted Obama as saying, “If a jayvee team puts on Lakers uniforms, that doesn’t make them Kobe Bryant.”  Last week, the NBA baller-in-question set the record for missed FG-attempts, not connecting on 10 of 26 vs. the Grizzlies, bringing the career total to 13421!!! So, yes, Mr. President…if a jayvee team puts on Lakers unis, yes, it could indeed make them Kobe Bryant!

Next week…bubble-gum, headsets and Miss USA!




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