Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Between Da' Hashmarks Week 14-2014

MIAMI BEACH, Florida (TMZ)…His team was on a bye. He was inebriated early on a Sunday morning. He was arrested. But his efforts to acquire to items at a hotel retail shop by offering bubble-gum in place of actual money invoked memories of a 1960’s vintage TV ad featuring a young lad at the boardwalk who empties his pockets of change and ultimately offers up a marble to successfully purchase a box of Crackerjacks. Officials at Wrigley’s, Bazooka and Chiclets saw the nostalgic value of the event and have reportedly offered endorsement deals to Jacksonville defensive back  Dwayne Gratz. The cashier at the store, who eventually had the persistent Jaguars player arrested, said, “I mighta’ cut him a break if hadn’t actually been chewing the gum to begin with!”

With the UNLV-UNR annual Battle for the Cannon on-deck this Saturday, we note Miss Nevada, Nia Sanchez, was crowned Miss USA this past June, despite the inability to correctly identify the Silver State capital! The capital is, of course, Johnny Carson City?! We question the beauty queen’s residency! Sanchez thrice unsuccessfully ran for Miss California, but knew Nevada’s nickname was the “Paddleboard State”!

As expected, USC balcony-jumper Josh Shaw finally saw some action on D and special teams vs. UCLA. Defensive coaches drew up a play in which he leapt from the uprights to stop a Bruins dive during an attempted goal-line stand by the Trojans.
Ahead of UNLV’s game at Hawaii, Coach Hauck elected to stay at a hotel just 30 minutes from Aloha Stadium to more closely-simulate and a get in and get out contest as opposed to previous years in which the team was housed at least an hour away. Considering the last-minute, referee-assisted 37-35 defeat to da’ Bows, Hauck plans to pitch team pup-tents along the fitty-yard line inside the venue during the next visit to the Islands!

Our Week 13 wagers went three-and-ouch! Utep (+8 ½) got whacked by RICE. Air Force-SDSU “over” 50 ½ ended up 4 points “under”. WYOMING (+12 ½) was trashed by Boise State, wasting a perfectly-good upset win by Maryland (+4 ½) over MICHIGAN, and Boston College’s (+19) upset bid over FLORIDA STATE went for naught as Marshall (-20) edged UAB. The remaining games we considered in Week 13 went 4-3. The final reasonably-full slate of games has us already putting money on Western Kentucky +21 over MARSHALL (Fri), Ball State +9 ½ over BOWLING GREEN (Fri), Nebraska +1 over IOWA (Fri), Cincinnati -7 over TEMPLE and Joja’ Tech +12 ½ over JOJA’. We also like…Boston College -10 over SYRACUSE, Rutgers +8 over MARYLAND, FLORIDA STATE -8 ½ over Florida and  Notre Dame +7 over USC
Last week’s Jets-BILLS game was postponed and moved to Ford Field in Detroit after snowfall left Ralph Wilson Stadium uninhabitable. Players, coaches and staff were transported on snowmobiles to the airport. Vindy’s spies, however, saw a lone cheerleader and her young son actually taking a Snowcat, with an axe-wielding Jack Nicholson in hot pursuit! Which reminds us….back in April, Niagara Falls was beiing considered as a new venue for the Buffalo team, with games temporarily being played in St. Catharine’s (Ontario, Canada) in the meantime. Great…cheerleaders woulda’ included da’ MacKenzie Brothers…and two-point conversions woulda’ involved use of a barrel, cascading water and serious heights!

During the Eagles-Packers game not long ago, we learned that communication between coach and NFL QB headsets abruptly ceases with 15 seconds left on the play-clock. Sooooooo….is there suddenly nothin’ but silence or is it up the individual stadium operator to randomly pipe-in Muzak? Opera? Books-on-tape? Rosetta Stone lessons? Duck calls? What?!
During the Sunday-nighter between the Cowboys and da’ Giants, the referee ruled, despite replay clearly showing Odell Beckham Jr. was hit outta’ bounds, the receiver “took a flop” and there was “no foul on the play”. Flop?! In other major sports, that woulda’ drawn a technical foul on the wide-out, sending an opposing player to the charity stripe to shoot two or put Beckham in the penalty box for two minutes for embellishment!

Jose Canseco’s claim that his reattached middle finger (shot off while cleaning his gun) fell off during a recent poker tourney turned out to be a hoax. Thank goodness! We were thinkin’ “Boy, when Jose goes “all-in”, he means it!!!!” But takin’ no chances, Wendy’s has filed a restraining order to keep the former slugger at least 500 feet away from their chili!!!
Speaking of the fast-food giant… Hannah Pavlov, track-and-field athlete at nearby Faith Lutheran here in Vegas, was awarded the Wendy’s High School Heisman for the state of Nevada last week. Apparently her competitors were too busy drooling at sound of a bell to pose a challenge!

To the faithful readership….here’s hopin’ this holiday weekend finds your favorite team stuffin’ more runs than turkeys!

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