Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Vindy's Picks Week 4-2015

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (FOX)…They came with their guns and their bombs and their stun-grenades and their tear-gas and their battering rams, prepared to subdue or rescue whatever they found inside after busting in the doors. Law Enforcement agencies from Homeland Security and Secret Service right down to Vegas Valley police departments and a troupe from the local actors’ guild portraying the Keystone Cops regularly-converged upon the currently-shuttered Riviera Hotel & Casino ahead of its impending implosion for participating in simulation exercises. Officials at the various departments, who monitored the exercises by video-camera said the looks on everyone’s faces was priceless when the responders unexpectedly encountered the Vegas Vindicator hiding out in the now-defunct sportsbook while penning his most recent set of weekly picks. Civilian witnesses say it was like watching the end of Blazing Saddles or the Blue Brothers, Rambo and Colonel Troutman in a charge vs. the Russians in Afghanistan in Rambo III, Beatrix Kiddo vs. the Crazy 88’s in Kill Bill: Vol.1 or Butch and Sundance in an ill-fated rush into the cross-fire of the Bolivian Army!

Fortunately, our Week 3 predictions survived the chaos! The ‘dogs howled, covering 14 of 19, resulting in a 10-8 (25-28-1, .472) final tally. With the generic search warrant he keeps in his cleats, Vindy’s kickin’-in the portal to the sportsbook with…
                                                      THE WEBER KID’S 2015 WEEK 4 FORECAST

(Within NFL standards for PSI…Picks per Square Inch!)

OREGON STATE (+15) over #21 Stanford: Cardinal 17 Beavers 10

Western Michigan (+31) over #1 OHIO STATE: OSU QB Cardale Jones, who waxed hospital-ridden youth Jared Foley 98-35 in an April game of NCAA Football was challenged by said opponent to a face-off in NHL 15. Of the original 63-point beatdown, Jones said “I took it easy on you, Bro.” Is it just Vindy or is anybody else flashin’ back to Faye Dunaway’s performance as Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest who said “I’m bigger and I’m faster, I’ll always beat you.” (Which is probably what Urban Meyer said to Jones after relegating the QB to back-up status this week)…Buckeyes 41 WMU 17

Central Michigan (+27 ½) over #2 MICHIGAN STATE: Best guess for “Wish I Had It Back”. Da’ MAC’s been good (see “Hashmarks” below). As predicted, Sparty went thru the motions, especially in the second half, vs. Air Force off close win over the Ducks and failed to cover, giving up 3 turnovers.  MSU is yielding an averaging of 24+ points-against over first three matches.  Chippies are under new management and off OT loss at Syracuse. State has Big Tentacle-opener next vs. not-as-improved-as-expected Purdue…Spartans 38 Chippewas 13
Vanderbilt (+25 ½) over #3 MISSISSIPPI: Rebels 31 Admirals 9

TEXAS TECH (+7 ½) over #4 Texas Christian: UPSET ALERT. TCU laid 82 on Tech last season and could try to grind out a victory with the rushing game but Tech thwarted Arkansas’ two 1000-yard rushers from a year ago…Frogs 38 Red Raiders 34
Rice (+34 ½) over #5 BAYLOR: Bears 54 Owls 28

#6 NOTRE DAME (-28) over Massachusetts: This summer, a man who had imbibed a bit too much tequila initially swiped the Blarney Stone from the D Las Vegas (formerly Fitzgerald’s) before sobering up and remorsefully returning the rock. Hotel-resort ownership did not press charges, noting they were ‘just glad to get it back”. Likewise, a South Bend resident celebrated the Fightin’ Irish victory over Joja’ Tech with a bit too much Jameson whiskey and spirited-away a campus icon before apologetically-returning it to its rightful owners. The Notre Dame administration also waived legal action against the offender, saying “Our Lady is just happy to get Touchdown Jesus back”!...Leprechauns 49 Minutemen 16
Southern @ #7 GEORGIA: No line.

#8 LSU (-24) over Syracuse: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Yep, we have yet to convert a “lock” pick and now back our 4th straight chalk-selection in the category. Auburn had no solution to RB Leonard Fournette, who ran for two-bills-and-change on 19 totes. Only Eastern Michigan awaits the Bengals with next SEC contest still two weeks away…LSU 41 Orange 9
#9 Ucla (-4) over #16 ARIZONA: If UCLA’s freshman QB is truly “all that”, here’s the chance to show it. Bruins also swap out key defenders, getting one back from suspension after losing another to injury…UCLA 24 AZ 19

#10 Florida State: IDLE (next @ Wake Forest)
#11 Clemson: IDLE (next vs. Notre Dame)

#12 ALABAMA (-38) over Louisiana-Monroe: Tide logged 500+ yards of offense and was minus-five turnovers in loss to Ole Miss. Warhawks lost by 37 earlier at Joja’ and burn money getting points off a bye week… ’Bama 48 ULM 3
#18 Utah (+13) over #13 OREGON: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Second choice fer “lock” pick. Following the Iggles’ 10-point “effort” in their home-loss to Dallas (who started already minus WR Dez Bryant and later lost QB Tony Romo) on Sunday, Chip Kelly was on da’ Bat-Phone to Oregon’s former OC-turned-Head Coach. Tony Helfrich. Kelly offered to swap several members of his defense in trade for Mallards QB Vernon Adams and RB Royce Freeman!...Utah 31 Drakes 27

#14 Texas A&M (-7) over Arkansas (@ Arlington, TX): Aggies 31 Bacon Strips 20
#15 Oklahoma: IDLE (next vs. West Virginia)

#17 NORTHWESTERN (-18 ½) over Ball State: Wildcats have pulled out some low-scoring wins vs. defensive-minded teams thus far, including our predicted upset of Duke. Cardinals are sieves, allowing an average of 36 ppg. Even with a visit from Iowa looming, we like…N-Dub 34 BSU 7
#19 Southern Cal (-6) over ARIZONA STATE: In the upset-loss to Stanford, Trojans were out-statted (is that a word?) in every category except return-yardage. We were high on the Shun Devils until they were throttled by A&M on a neutral field to open the year. Sarkisian can deflect a little heat with a nice win in his first road-game of the season. State’s won this contest two years running and been victorious in 14 of its last 16 in Tempe, but…USC 38 ASU 29

DUKE (+9) over #20 Georgia Tech: Bees 27 Duke 23
#22 Brigham Young (+5 ½) over MICHIGAN: Third road game in last four weeks for BYU. Not sure what’s left in the tank following two emotional upset-wins and a near-miss on Saturday at UCLA. UM coach Jim Harbaugh, before coachin’ his first game for Michigan, got a Twitter shout-out from Judge Judy, helped two people hurt in a roll-over crash near the school and spent a day as the first-base coach for the Oakland A’s. Also around the “diamond”, Vegas product and major leaguer Bryce Harper dispelled a myth that all who espouse the Mormon faith are fans of BYU. GASP! Does that mean all Irish Catholics don’t necessarily root fer Notre Dame or at least… Boston College???!!! Say it ain’t so!...Cougars 23 Michigan 20

Hawaii (+24 ½) over #23 WISCONSIN: USC transfer Max Wittek has been a reasonable addition at QB for the ‘Bows, who have sandwiched wins over Colorado and I-AA UC-Davis around a shutout loss at Ohio State (that saw UH still in it until the 4th Quarter). Wittek does show just a 5-4 TD pass-to-INT ratio however, but Hawaii has lost by this many just once in each of the last two years. Buckeyes won by 38 and Badgers hace Big Tenor opener next vs. Iowa…Wisconsin 31 Hawaii 8
TEXAS (+3) over #24 Oklahoma State: Second-best guess for “Wish I Had It Back”. Cowboys haven’t really faced a team of note. Steers’ coach Charlie Strong had the boys fight in a huge 4th Quarter that fell a point-short in 45-44 loss to Cal and the alumni are grumbling…’Horns 27 ‘Pokes 24

#25 Missouri (+2) over KENTUCKY: Tigers 19 KY 16

BTW, regarding our Ohio State commentary above, will Jones ultimately tell Foley…”Noooooo….wiiiirrrrrrre… hannnnnngerrrrrrrs!”?????!!!!
“Hi, I’m Vindicator…and I have Direct TV.” “And I’m Outta’-Control-Beer Vindicator…and I have cable.” Vindicator: “I can watch all my favorite teams, even during an Alaskan cruise.” Outta’-Control-Beer Vindicator: “I can only watch teams playin’ within a 24-frosted-mug radius.” Vindicator: “I can place wagers at the sportsbook with confidence.”  Outta’-Control-Beer Vindicator-“ I have to stack and scale empty kegs to change digital light bulbs on the betting-board to get favorable spreads before casino-security shows up!” Vindicator: “Don’t be like this Vindy. Get rid of cable. Switch to Direct TV.”

Last week, Queen Elizabeth was recognized as Great Britain’s longest-serving monarch at 23,231 days….or just-shy of JoePa’s reign as head coach at Vindy’s alma mater (and just-ahead of Virginia Tech’s Frank Beamer!)
If yer scoring at home: Two teams are perfect 3-0 ATS vs. I-A competition to-date…BYU and SMU. One team is also “perfect” against the line…Michigan State at 0-3. In fact the Big Tent-Peg, though winning 9 of 12 non-conference games outright, went 2-9-1 spread-wise! By comparison, the Mountain Jest went winless in 10 non-conference games vs. I-A foes, but did manage 5-4-1 ATS.

Meanwhile…”Baby Got…MAC???!!!” Mid-American Conference teams played 8 FBS non-conference games, winning just 2, but losing the remaining 6 by a combined 22 points, while going 6-0-2 ATS, led by Northern Illinois who ended up just 7 points behind the #1 Buckeyes!
Following its defeat by I-AA Furman on Saturday, Central Florida, which has hit the scoreboard for 14, 7 and 15 points respectively in the first three weeks (last in the FBS), offered a scholarship to 61-year-old mailman Doug Hughes from Florida Gulf Coast, who landed a gyrocopter on the Capitol lawn, well-after announcing plans to do it and getting past NORAD to make it happen! Hughes said he was considering the offer, but was waiting to hear from Minnesota, South Carolina and Utah State as well!

Equipment assistant John Jastremski and locker room attendant Jim McNally got the okie-doke last week from the NFL to return to their positions with the Patriots after originally bein’ benched for their roles in Deflategate. The ruling comes at a good time for the pair since their interim jobs as tire company tech and balloon-animal artist, respectively, weren’t quite workin’ out!
In related news, Bill Belichick let cornerback Marcus Butler (yep, same guy that secured the pick vs. Russell Wilson, allowing New England to beat Seattle in the Super Bowl) ride the pine for tardiness to the Pats’ first summer practice because Butler’s flight was cancelled by Mother Nature. We’re wonderin’ if all woulda’ been forgotten had the CB told Coach he was actually late because he was lettin’ a little pressure outta’ da’ plane’s inflatable emergency-slide!

“Wish We Had It Back”: OKLAHOMA STATE -24 over Texas-San Antonio. We overlooked an improving Cowboys’ D.
“Locked in a Box?”:   We’re now 0-fer-3 (.000) after Oklahoma State dismantled UTSA, grabbing 7 turnovers along the way!    

Black Shirt: This week’s highly-coveted ebony tee goes to Seminoles LB Terrance Smith for creating a fumble that was returned for touchdown, allowing FSU to cover vs. BC, starting Vindy on a nice forecast-dubya run!
Shoppe Talk:  The Sooners get a week-long pass, but the Tigers of Clemson blew it again (0-2, .000 season; 3-11 in last 14 appearances [.214])!

Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets:  Navy -7 over UCONN, WESTERN KY -20 ½ over Miami-Ohio, WASHINGTON +4 over Cal,  MINNESOTA-Ohio “under” 46    Last Week:  3-1 Season:  6-6 (.500)

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