Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Vindy's Picks Week 5-2015

UNITED NATIONS, New York (ITAR-Tass)…Talks between President Obama and President Vladimir Putin were reportedly frosty at best over topics involving Syria and other foreign relations issues this week, but things got really testy when the Soviet leader reiterated a plan by officials at the Kremlin to publically-humiliate citizens committing minor offenses by posting pictures of them engaged in the wrong-doing online and on entrances to apartment buildings where they reside. The Russian president said he would include bettors caught on camera making wagers with Vindy’s Picks at any Soviet sportsbook!

Meanwhile, far away from political tensions in the Big Apple, your prestigious prognosticator was makin’ like Salt & Peppa and pushin’ it reeeeal good with a 9-8-2 tally in Week 4 (34-36-3, .486)! Two years ago, Putin, in another PR move, piloted a personal-submersible fitty-meters-down off da’ Finland coast to take a peek at a sunken Russian vessel. Given his previous “adventure” outings, in which he staged an arranged-finding of a species of pre-historic eel and later tranquilized a tiger-cub straight from a zoo, we don’t care if he went spelunking in Helm’s Deep and discovered...

(Now with accompanying stress-relievin’ adult coloring book!)

#1 Ohio State @ INDIANA “over 64 ½”: Buckeyes 42 Hoosiers 27
#2 MICHIGAN STATE (-23) over Purdue: Spartans 44 Boilermakers 17

#3 Mississippi (-7 ½) over #25 FLORIDA: Da’ Chomp, 4-0 SU/3-1 ATS, is here with a hashtag solely on the strength of a missed last-minute FG by Tennessee. Ole Mist appropriately suffered its post-upset of ‘Bama vs. Vandy in spread-loss last week and should be focused for this one…Rebels 29 Gators 14
Texas (+16) (72) over #4 TCU: Best guess fer “Wish We Had It Back”, but both squads were involved in last minute-decisions last week, with Longhorns yielding a late FG in regulation (and we ain’t sure whether we should be upset with the “push” or happy with the “coulda’-been-ATS-loss-in-extras”)…TCU 37 Steers 27

Texas Tech (+17) over #5 Baylor (@Arlington, TX): This one got consideration for “lock” pick. Red Raiders are 3-0 ATS and could be without starting QB Mahomes, but should be okay with back-up Davis Webb. “Guns-Up” almost took out TCU last week in crazy 55-52 loss in game that was noted by your narrator as “upset alert”. We hope they can get up again for ranked, in-state rival Baylor, facing its first real challenge and to whom they lost 48-46 in 2014 …Bears 44 Tech 41
#6 Notre Dame (+1) over #12 CLEMSON: Irish 31 Tigers 24

#7 UCLA (-13 ½) over Arizona State: Bruins 35 ASU 17
#8 GEORGIA (-2) over #13 Alabama: Okay…we get the whole two-scores-in-the-4th-Quarter in losing effort vs. Ole Miss, but Tide was cruisin’…up 34-nada with over 10 minutes left and couldn’t register one more TD with what…the 5th-string?…against Weeziana-Corn-Row…to cover minus-38???!!! Nick Chubb continues to be “the man” for Joja’. First ‘dog role for Crimson Schnide since 2009 conference-crown match-up. UGA has lost just 2 of previous 23 SU between da’ topiary!...Georgia 31 Elephants 24

Eastern Michigan (+44 ½) over #9 LSU: State cost us yet-another “lock” pick with mere 10-point victory against Syracuse. Tigers collected 14 (count ‘em, fourteen!) yellow hankies, prompting Coach Miles to say his team needs to cut down on mistakes. EMU got shelled by Army, but LSU goes into SEC-opener at da’ Pugilistic Poultry next and Eagles have gone 1-3 in last four tries vs. the Top 25, losing by an average of 43 in the three blown covers. Why expend the energy on the Baton Rouge sideline?…LSU 37 EMU 3
#10 Utah: IDLE (next vs. Cal)

#11 Florida State (-19) over WAKE FOREST: ‘Noles 35 Wake Forest 11
#21 Mississippi State (+6 ½) over #14 TEXAS A&M: Aggies 28 MSU 24

#23 West Virginia @ #15 OKLAHOMA (“over 58”): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Mounties have scored 41 or better in each of their first three games. Sooners yielded a combined 62 points the past two games, while hittin’ the scoreboard themselves to the tune of 83…Boomer Schooner 38 WVU 35
#16 NORTHWESTERN (-4 ½) over Minnesota: N-DUB 27 Gophers 20

#17 USC: IDLE (next vs. Washington 10/8)
Arizona @ #18 STANFORD: OFF

Iowa (+7) over #19 WISCONSIN: UPSET ALERT. Badgers 19 Iowa 17 (We also lean a bit to “under 48”)
Kansas State (+7 ½) (50) over #20 OKLAHOMA STATE: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. We’re guessin’ that the halftime-show debauchery at the North Dakota game intermission’ll be the last time Wildcats band director Frank Tracz utters, “You have the Comm, Mr. Drum Major. Endulge yerself.” Just wonderin’ if the band had its musical instruments “set to stun”!...Purple Persians 27 Cowpokes 24

#22 Michigan (-15) over MARYLAND: Wolverines 30 Box Turtles 12
Washington State (+18) over #24 CALIFORNIA: Bears off back-to-back tough road-wins at Texas and at UDUB (which cost us a “best bet” pick last week). Wazzou opened the season by losing at home to I-AA Portland State, but has since edged Rutgers in New Jersey and whacked a poor Wyoming team in Pullman last Saturday. It’s Homecoming at Berkeley, but Cal won 60-59 in 2014, has an away-date at Utah next, has been lousy home-chalk the past couple seasons, and we ain’t comfortable layin’ almost three touchdowns here…California 34 Coogs 19

Students at Hampshire High School, West Virginia got to see brief footage from Fitty Shades of Grey after duping a teacher into letting them do so as “a reward”. An assistant principal in the vicinity put the kibosh on the flick just moments into it. The offending teacher eventually let his charges watch a certain segment of Monty Python & the Holy Grail featuring Sir Galahad at Castle Anthrax!

In July, NFL Commish Roger Goodell gave a thumbs-up to Tom Brady’s four-game sit-out, sending the case to court, prompting the Patriots’ beleaguered QB, after viewing a notable episode of Game of Thrones, to request… “trial-by-combat”.
The Apple Watch, released in April, contains a “taptic” engine, which simulates the feeling of a tap on the wrist. The  Pats are already trying to figure out how to circumvent uniform regulations and synchronize the timepieces in the huddle to defeat crowd noise during road games and eliminate the need for silent snap-counts!

In a post-loss tirade last Spring, Cincinnati Reds skipper Bryan Price blurted out 77 F-bombs to reporters. What self-respectin’ manager utters “forecast” nearly 80 times in response to media questions???!!!
Mark Zuckerberg recently announced plans for a Facebook “dislike” button. The social media site is going to pilot the gadget for the next couple months each time da’ Weber Kid announces publication of that week’s “Vindy’s Picks”!

Doing his best Ariana Grande impersonation, Vindy allowed himself to be captured on film licking unsold parlay cards at a local sportsbook!
Hooray (Again) for the Little Guys: Then-FCS #8 James Madison edged SMU 48-45.

“Wish We Had It Back”: BYU +5 over MICHIGAN after we questioned how much the Cougars had “left in the tank” last week.
“Locked in a Box?”:  The Bengals let da’ Cuse hang around way too long, continuing the “lock” woes, now at 0-4 (.000)!!!    

Black Shirt: This week’s award goes to Navy NT Bernard Sarra for recovering a fumble with 36 seconds to play, ending UConn’s final opportunity to score, allowing the Middies to cover -7 and bring in one of our two winning “best bet” selections! Honorable mention to da’ quarter that we used to make our DUKE +9 over Joja’ Tech choice via coin-toss!
Shoppe Talk: Joining Clemson is another set of Tigers…from Mizzou (0-3, .000)…and the large wooden Badgers of Wisconsin (0-3, .000)!

Vindy’s Week 5 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2   Season: 8-8 (.500) North Carolina +7 ½ over JOJA’ TECH,  Western Kentucky -7 ½ over RICE, Boston College +7 over DUKE, Northern Illinois -2 ½ over CENTRAL MICHIGAN, East Carolina -5 ½ over SMU, Joja’ Sudden -6 ½ over WEEZIANA-MONROE, Colorado State +5 over UTAH STATE  

1 comment:

Kris said...

Good stuff, Vindy. But where oh where is my adult coloring book?