Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Vindy's Picks Week 9


ST. LOUIS, Missouri (MSNBC)...You just can’t keep a good coach down and the Rams’ Mike Martz proved that this past Sunday. After the coach, recovering at home from a heart problem, had his attempted call to his offensive coordinator, Steve Fairchild, thwarted by team president John Shaw during Sunday’s game against the Saints, he decided he would not be denied. Within minutes, Martz dialed up famous forecaster Vegas Vindicator and told him to select the Texas Longhorns as his "lock" pick this week against Oklahoma State. An excited Weber Kid confirmed the call had been made, noting "Coach certainly knows offense and I couldn’t argue with the choice." Vindy later phoned Martz, who is reportedly a fan of Weber’s weekly forecast, and asked, "Can you cheer me now??!" Shaw explained to reporters that Martz’ call had been intercepted simply because "Steve would’ve exceeded his cell phone minutes and those overage charges are killers!"

Weber attributes the success of his 13-5 Week 8 (62-74, .456 season) to the forecast implants he got recently, making his picks bigger and more attractive!


#3 VIRGINIA TECH over #13 Boston College giving 13:
With Hokies’ win and cover last Thursday night, Tech is now 11-0 outright and 10-1 ATS on Thursdays. Can’t buck that record here. Tech has taken care of business thus far. Eagles at 6-1 SU are only 8 total points away from 4-3 and were fortunate to get past Clemson and Wake Forest...VT 41 BC 20

SAT. OCT. 29
#1 USC over Washington State giving 30:
Coogs have endured three consecutive tough Stanford by 3, to UCLA by 3 and at Cal by 4...and have four straight defeats altogether to keep them winless in the PAC-10. Trojans’ D is still its weak point, but it was Leinart’s back-up who tossed the INT that cost USC the cover last week...Troy 54 WSU 17

#2 Texas over OKLAHOMA STATE giving 36 ½: "LOCK OF DA’ WEEK". Cowboys can’t possibly stop this offense and even Texas Tech’s scoring machine couldn’t stay close to the Steers. Vindy finally yields to Mighty Longhorns. (Besides...Mike Martz said so!)...Texas 62 OKSU 6

#4 Georgia over #16 FLORIDA (at Jacksonville) taking 4 ½: Florida’s new "No Retreat Law" allows individuals to "stand their ground and meet force with force" should they decide that’s necessary. Guess that means Gators’ Chris Leak can now operate outta’ the shotgun...literally. (That oughta’ cut down on those blitzing linebackers, huh?) ‘Dawgs Shockley is out and Joe Tereshinski, formerly the punter’s personal protector, will step in at quarterback ... Joja’ 19 Florida 16

Utah State over #5 ALABAMA taking 34: Tide could be a bit flat following very lucky victory over Tennessee. Lack of third-down pass protection won’t be an issue here and the schedule-makers were kind to ‘Bama, but Aggies won’t be a complete push-over...Tide 34 USU 6

North Carolina over #6 MIAMI taking 20: Tough pick. Tarheels have held their own against the quality teams on their slate (except in demolition at Louisville). ‘Hurricanes will be rested but maybe a tad rusty having not really been challenged in over a month...Miami 24 UNC 10

North Texas over #7 LSU taking 44: Not unlike Alabama, Bengals needed a breather after back-to-back close wins. Not-so-Mean Green couldn’t come in at a better time for LSU. Vin considered layin’ the lumber, but there’s a good chance of a backdoor cover unless State pitches a shutout...Tigers 45 North Texas 7

STANFORD over #8 Ucla taking 7 1/2: This might be an overreaction to Stanford’s recent success, but the Cardinal has quietly strung together a three-game win streak. Undefeated Bruins have given up only four turnovers in seven games and aren’t likely to stumble entirely, so let’s say...UCLA 27 Stanford 24

#9 Notre Dame: IDLE (next vs. Tennessee)

Maryland @ #10 FLORIDA STATE: OFF

#11 PENN STATE over Purdue giving 15: Though Purdue’s defense is not living up to expectations, the O takes the heat for last week’s loss as the Boilers drove deep twice into Wisky territory only to have two interceptions returned 62 yards and 84 yards for touchdowns. Still, we can’t see them covering this many in Happy Valley...PSU 37 Purdue 13

#12 Ohio State over MINNESOTA giving 4: Buckeyes can stop the run, but can they do it for four quarters? Gophers D has more leaks than the CIA. State should post enough points to hold off late Minny charge...OSU 27 Gerbils 20

#14 Oregon: IDLE (next vs. Cal)

ILLINOIS over #15 Wisconsin taking 19: Curious line that seems to reflect Badgers’ luck more than Illini’s futility of late. Suspicious of the number, we’ll try...Wisky 36 Ilinois 20

#17 Texas Tech over BAYLOR giving 11: No faith in this call. Bears have lost last four in this series by average score of 57-15. Not this time. Baylor is 5-1 ATS and at 4-3 straight up, could go bowlin’ with a victory here or at Mizzou then over Oklahoma State later in the season. Bears haven’t faced this kind of passing game...Tech 35 Baylor 20

#18 West Virginia: IDLE (next vs. Connecticut 11/2)

#19 AUBURN over Mississippi giving 20: Rebels have been competitive this season and before 2004's Auburn win by 21 points, previous four games between these clubs were decided by 8, 6, 7 and 4. Rebels lost by 17 at Tennessee. Tigers missed five (that’s right, sports fans...five!) field goals in three-point OT loss to LSU...Auburn 34 Ol’ Miss 10

#20 Texas Christian over SAN DIEGO STATE giving 6: Aztecs, though improved, are hosting Toads team looking to win at least a share of yet another conference (having already done so in the now-defunct SWC, the WAC and Conference USA) in its first year...TCU 24 SDSU 14

#21 NORTHWESTERN over #25 Michigan taking 3: Wildcats are rolling and look like they want a conference title. Could be Lloyd Carr’s swan song for Michigan team that looks like Big Ten version of bi-polar Georgia Tech Bees...NW 19 Wolverines 16

#22 Fresno State over HAWAII giving 12 ½: Home on the Islands or not, ‘Bows defense, allowing 37 points per game (including shutout of Idaho), is no match for the Bulldogs...FSU 42 Hawaii 17

#23 TENNESSEE over South Carolina giving 14: Vols just can’t catch a decisive break. Gamecocks have a little momentum with three wins in last four. Tennessee special teams are in absolute disarray. A better job by the suicide squads and a reduction of stupid penalties would allow Vols to win and cover here...Rocky Top 34 South Carolina 14

#24 California: IDLE (next @ Oregon)


First 10,000 Lions fans thru the gate at Beaver Stadium this week get a lovely set of Joe Paterno nesting dolls!

Vikes’ coach Mike Tice plans to punish "Love Boat" participants by forcing THEM to scalp his World Series tickets this year!

Elsewhere in Vikings’ news, troubled RB Onterrio Smith has been accused of sexual battery. The alleged victim never saw the player’s face, but identified distinguishing features on Smith’s Whizzinator during a recent line-up!

With 39 yards on 17 touches, Ricky Williams’ return to the Dolphins hasn’t exactly been a stellar one. And now, this public service announcement... "Go ahead. Tell your quarterback you forgot to pass-protect for him because you were getting stoned. He’ll understand."

Even before Weber’s unique NHL marketing strategies were announced, an ice rink was already under construction at Fenway Park. If they can move the visitors’ dugout to left center field, they could have the world’s largest air hockey table!

"Locked in a Box?": Holy cow! Mark it down! Weber grabs his second "lock" victory behind Northwestern’s upset of Michigan State and stands at 2-6 (.250).

Shoppe Talk: With the Gators idle and Virginia falling to UNC as predicted, the Florida State Injuns have the taxidermy shoppe all to themselves this week at 0-6 following a 31-point decision over Duke (+30).

Vindy’s Week 9 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-1-1 Season: 12-14-1 (.461)
Ohio -3 over BUFFALO, WESTERN MICHIGAN -3 over Kent State, Navy +6 over RUTGERS

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Vindy's Picks Week 8

NCAA Names "Enshrined" On Mars Maps

LA CANADA FLINTRIDGE, California (BBC)...International Astronomical Union members received permission from the NCAA this week to use references to college football to name rock formations and other landscape features and regions on the surface of Mars. The names, though, unofficial, will provide convenient labels for scientists here at the Jet Propulsion Lab charged with mapping the topography of the Red Planet as photos come back from various Martian rover missions. With thousands of other names already exhausted, certain depressions on Mars will be labeled as "The Swamp" and "The Horseshoe", while a yet-standing short, stout rock formation showing signs of damage from passing meteors and asteroids will bear the name "Rudy". Perhaps punctuating the newly-named region will be the oldest known hill, which scientists will simply call... "JoPa".

In related news, Weber went 7-10 in Week 7 (49-69, .415 season) and will allow the IAU to honor his forecast by tagging a series of Martian sinkholes as "Vindy’s Picks!" Heyyyyyy...WAIT a minute!!!!!!

(More evidence against "intelligent design". Although, natural selection can’t explain the complexities of the BCS!)


#3 Virginia Tech over MARYLAND giving 11: Hokies throttled the Terps 55-6 last year. Both clubs come in rested off a bye week and Marcus Vick continues to lead Tech much the way his brother Michael did. Barring fumbles, can’t see VT faltering here. Tech has been one of the few bright spots in Weber’s forecast, producing wins 10 times in last 12 appearances in the picks...Virginia Tech 34 Box Turtles 13

SAT. OCT. 22
WASHINGTON over #1 Southern Cal taking 30 1/2: Best guess for "wish I had it back". Trojans have dropped three consecutive outings vs. the line. While Huskies are having a dismal year, they’ve lost only once in 2005 by this much. UDUB scored 17 on Notre Dame...USC 40 Sled Dogs 20

#10 Texas Tech over #2 TEXAS taking 16: Red Raiders showed no mercy vs. K-State, continuing to throw long despite having the game well in-hand late in the 4th Quarter. Expect a ton of points. Frankly, Vindicator was shocked (SHOCKED!) to see 25 rushing attempts by Tech in last week’s boxscore...Texas 45 Texas Tech 38

Arkansas over #4 GEORGIA taking 19: ‘Dawgs have covered only two of last five prior to World’s Largest Cocktail Party game vs. Florida. Joja’ is no bargain at 3-3 ATS. If ‘Hogs have any pride left, they’ll show it here... UGA 27 Razorbacks 13

#5 ALABAMA over #17 Tennessee giving 3 ½: According to Sports Illustrated, ‘Bama QB Brody Coyle bears a striking resemblance to Ringo Starr. Apparently Brody and his teammates played like the former Beatles drummer as Tide eked out a last second 13-10 victory over Ol’ Miss. Alabama needs this to stay ahead of LSU in the SEC West. Vols need the "W" to get back in the conference race...Tide 24 Vols 17

#6 MIAMI over Georgia Tech giving 16: Bees fizzled after impressive opening win over Auburn en route to 3-0 start. Yes, they ultimately beat up on Duke, but not before being down 10-7 to the Blue Devils at the intermission. ‘Canes will be rested having scored...uh... zippo... against Temple in the second half last week. If they aren’t delayed by Wilma...Miami 30 GT 9

#16 Auburn over #7 LSU taking 6 ½: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #1. Aubie stole a 10-9 triumph in 2004. Bengals are 0-2 ATS "at-home" thus far. LSU managed to survive 5 turnovers versus Florida...Auburn 24 LSU 17

Oregon State over #8 UCLA taking 9 1/2: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK #2. Bruins are one of the most fortunate 6-0 teams Vindy’s ever seen and the youth finally rears its ugly head. Beavers ambush UCLA to grab back-to-back upsets...OSU 34 Bruins 31

#9 NOTRE DAME over Brigham Young giving 20: Irish know they had a huge win get away and with 2-2 Mountain West record, Cougars might be more interested in next week’s tussle vs. Air Force. BYU has covered 8 of last 11 when getting road points, however...ND 42 BYU 10

DUKE over #11 Florida State taking 30: Take away 58-yard touchdown run and Seminoles got all of 37 yards on 20 carries vs. Virginia. Cavs only posted 20 yards on 28 carries in that game. Until the Injuns decide to execute some offense during the first 30 minutes of a match, we’ll grab da’ handicap...FSU 41 Duke 17

#12 Penn State over ILLINOIS giving 17: Lions can certainly take some of the blame for loss at Michigan last week due to poor tackling, poor kick coverage and two missed field goals, but for those who didn’t see the game, the zebras were definitely on the Ann Arbor payroll, missing a face-mask penalty and badly spotting the ball three times vs. State...Lions 31 Illini 10

#13 Boston College: IDLE (next @ Virginia Tech 10/27)

#14 Ohio State over INDIANA giving 15 1/2: Only second time Buckeyes have played away from the Horseshoe this season. State could probably bench the offense and win this simply with defense and special teams. Throw in the "O" and we like...OSU 24 Indy 0

#15 Oregon over ARIZONA giving 9: Wildcats’ loss to Stanford shows they ain’t quite there yet under Mike Stoops. Cal has to visit Autzen Stadium next week, so nothing to suggest Mallards can’t handle this...Ducks 34 AZ 16

#18 Florida: IDLE (next vs. Georgia)

#19 WISCONSIN over Purdue giving 7 1/2: Cheese-heads are lucky to still be wearing the "#"! Up 3 over Wisky with half-a-minute left and punting from his own end zone, did Gophers coach Mason simply not think about taking an intentional safety or did he not trust his own swiss-cheese defenders? With the Badgers’ special teams and recently-discovered Arena League stop-squad of its own allowing 109 points the last three weeks and Purdue allowing nothing less than 24 all season, the "over"(60) might be the best call...Rodents 41 Boilers 30

#20 West Virginia over SOUTH FLORIDA giving 2: Bulls get a home game sandwiched between four away contests. Somebody might be makin’ too much of USF’s demolition of Louisville. Mountaineers suddenly look like the class of the Big Least. With only a home game vs. Pitt, gotta’ think West Virginia has the inside track to the conference crown and the BCS berth...WVU 20 South Florida 13

#21 Texas Christian over AIR FORCE (Pick ‘Em): Wouldn’t surprise Vin to see Falcons win this...big! Toads have found way to win the close ones. Pilots haven’t. USAF can bowl with three wins in last four. No dis to Colorado State or SDSU, but this looks like Frogs’ toughest barrier to MWC crown...TCU 27 Jet Jockeys 24

Northwestern over #22 MICHIGAN STATE taking 12: "LOCK OF DA’ WEEK". Badgers and Boilermakers have fallen to NW. Vindy’s Lions probably should have too. Teams are too evenly matched on offense. Have to take the points. Upset is possible. We’ll just call it a shootout...MSU 34 ‘Cats 31

NORTH CAROLINA over #23 Virginia (Pick ‘Em): Key game for the bowl hopes of both sides. Cavs got by Florida State on the strength of five ‘Noles turnovers and 13 Injuns penalties. Backin’ the ‘Heels at home...UNC 24 Virginia 20

#24 Fresno State over IDAHO giving 29: Even UNLV beat the Vandals...FSU West 45 Idaho 3

Washington State over #25 CAL taking 12: Both squads have suffered consecutive
heartbreaking defeats the last two weeks and are collectively 16 total points away from a combined 11-0 record! Right now, Cal just needs a win, not a convincing one...Bears 27 Wazzou 20


The ‘dogs in Weber’s forecast have covered 60% on the year and 66% over the last three weeks. Chalk? Is there any chalk in the house?? Anywhere at all? How ‘bout a piece of limestone?!! Anyone?...ANYONE???!!!

Vindy’s Picks have been so cold lately, the Korean Baseball Organization now knows what happened to all the iced cabbage leaves it banned its players from using earlier this year!

This season’s bizarre string of losses: Florida State lost to Virginia, who lost to Maryland, who lost to Clemson, who lost to Wake Forest, who lost to Vanderbilt, who lost to Middle Tennessee, who lost to Akron, who lost to Central Michigan! Following the logic, FSU would lose to...Central Michigan!!!????

Miami was recently awarded the 2010 Super Bowl. Halftime entertainment will include then-16-year-old Elian Gonzales receiving his driver’s license, but not before hitting both pylons while parallel parking in the end zone!

Weber read an article referring to then-Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger as "the Vatican’s theological enforcer". "Theological enforcer?" Did he lead the Vatican hockey team in penalty minutes or what? Was he sent to the ice as a goon to rough up sinners on the opposing team when his club needed an emotional lift?!!!

Back in March, Twins catcher Mike Redmond was caught taking batting practice au natural! No word yet on whether Big Mike will get a promo gig for Desperate Housewives, replace Mickey Rooney for a Super Bowl commercial or land a detective role on NYPD Blue!

Touch ‘Em All!...While Vindy’s college picks far exceed anything Hoover or Electrolux ever put out, for the second time in as many seasons, Weber wins a piece of the Coast Casinos "Pick The Pros" contest pie, going a perfect 14-0 over this past Sunday and Monday. Normally, Vindicator would be ecstatic, but as his luck would have it, there were 91 (count ‘em, 91!!) other !@&$!@#!!!! sons-o’-beachballs who also went 14-0 on this week’s NFL games, severely reducing the amount of rubles Vindy will pocket!!!!

Regarding the recent Minnesota "Love Boat/Booze Cruise" scandal, Vin just wants to know how the Colorado Buffaloes got those Vikings uniforms and how they managed to move their recruiting parties that far East of Boulder! By the way, the body of water involved will be heretofore known as...Lake Minniskirta!

"Locked in a Box?": Ummmm...doesn’t "lock" mean the selected team is all but certain to beat the spread??? Buffaloes got crushed by Texas and Weber’s schlock of da’ week record continues to free-fall at 1-6!!!!!

Shoppe Talk: Gators bit Vindy again (and Weber happily accepts Florida’s bye this week!). So did Louisville (who mercifully falls outta’ the rankings this week!). Virginia returns to haunt our flabbergasted forecaster! The FSU Injuns are also nearby, whacking Weber 5 times in 5 at-bats!

Vindy’s Week 8 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 11-13 (.458)

Nebraska +3 over MISSOURI, Hawaii -7 over SAN JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS STATE, OHIO -7 ½ over Ball State

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Vindy's Picks Week 7

BCS Dumps Harris for Cardinals

ROME, Italy (ITAR-Tass)...Less than a week before the Bowl Championship Series publishes its first 2005 season poll, BCS officials showed Harris Poll the exit in favor of the Conclave of Cardinals! An anonymous BCS spokesperson noted it was rumors indicating Harris pollsters actually gave votes to 1-4 Idaho that led to the change and acknowledged the cardinals would face little difficulty selecting teams in an environment permitting weekly voting changes after appointing the world leader of the Catholic religion for years to come in less than 24 hours. In addition, white smoke will emanate from the Sistine Chapel each time a new Number One team is chosen. Opponents’ only fear is that Notre Dame will receive a ranking every week regardless of its win-loss record!

The ‘dogs claimed 13 of 17 and left Vindy 5-12 for last week! Even’s staffer "Clucko the Chicken" (actually just a coin toss) has a better spread record than Weber’s season total of 42-59 (.416).

Drawing more boos than Ashley Simpson at last year’s Super Bowl, it’s...


#9 NOTRE DAME over #1 Southern Cal taking 11 1/2: Leprechauns have not beaten a team whose season hasn’t come crumbling down around its cleats thus far, but Trojans still look very lucky and very beatable. We like ND’s chance at the upset...Irish 24 Troy 23

#24 Colorado over #2 TEXAS taking 17 1/2: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Congratulations to Mack Brown for finally reeling in the elusive "big one"! Line is understandable given Buffs two big wins came vs. two of the Big 12's most disappointing teams, Texas A&M and Oklahoma State and given Colorado’s 20-point loss at Miami. Nonetheless, we like the letdown situation for Texas, who now deals with hearing their strength of schedule isn’t good enough for a Rose Bowl bid...Texas 38 Colorado 27

#3 Virginia Tech: IDLE (next @ Maryland 10/20)

#4 Florida State over VIRGINIA giving 7: Injuns have definitely been a second-half team this year. Vindicator will forgive the ‘Noles for yielding a Wake Forest touchdown with 20 seconds left to give Deacons the backdoor cover last week if they just pound the bejeezus outta’ the Cavs... FSU 34 Virginia 17

VANDERBILT over #5 Georgia taking 15 ½: Vindy tips his helmet to the Boat People for three quarters of ferocious defensive effort vs. LSU last week. They get Vindy’s vote again here with Joja’ off big win over the Vols...Georgia 23 Vandy 12

#6 Alabama over MISSISSIPPI giving 12 1/2: With the first BCS poll due out, ‘Bammy needs a convincing win. Just to annoy the Rebels, Tide defenders will count to "three Mississippi" before rushing the passer! Tide won the toss for the first time all season in game vs. the Gators, making its record 1-3 ADC (Against Da’ Coin!)...’Bama 29 Ol’ Missed 13

TEMPLE over #7 Miami taking 41: Best choice for "wish I had it back". Owls are 0-6 outright but 2-4 ATS. ‘Canes called off the dogs vs. Duke with about 10 minutes to play and still covered. Will Miami still care enough to continue pressing past the third quarter?...Miami 51 Owls 13

#8 Penn State over MICHIGAN taking 3 1/2: Earlier this year, Coach Paterno deferred to the university powers to decide whether or not to reveal his annual financial compensation. As far as Weber knows, that information is still a military secret, but at 6-0 and Illinois yet to come, if Lions don’t go bowling, JoPa’s salary’s gonna’ be $5.15 an hour plus tips!...Lions 17 Wolverines 15

#10 LSU over #11 Florida (GASP!) giving 6: Not sure whether to attribute Bengals’ four turnovers and 14 penalties last week to LSU’s sloppiness or to Vandy’s improvement. Nonetheless, former coach Nick Saban wouldn’t tolerate that. Neither will current coach Les Miles. Expect more focus and better execution this time from the Tigers...LSU 24 Gators 16

#12 Ucla over WASHINGTON STATE giving 6: OK, it’s Homecoming for the Coogs, but this is a scary line. Wazzou’s victories came vs. I-A foes with a collective 4-7 record and Grambling State. Bruins easily could’ve lost to Cal, but didn’t...Bruins 28 WSU 17

#13 TEXAS TECH over Kansas State giving 13 1/2: The offenses were so backward in last week’s Kansas State 12-3 victory over Kansas, a witch fell on a house in Manhattan and killed it! Red Raiders just happy to have escaped Lincoln with a late win. ‘Cats have done little since losing Sproles to the NFL...Texas Tech 34 KSU 17

Wake Forest over #14 BOSTON COLLEGE taking 14: Contrary to Weber’s prediction, Demon Deacons used their rushing game to negate Florida State’s team speed for three quarters. Eagles rush defense is better. Wake averages 4 ½ yards per carry and has 11 rushing touchdowns. BC allows 2 ½ yards per carry and only two touchdowns on the ground. A little voice (and da’ coin) keeps whispering "Deacons"...Eagles 21 Wake Forest 13

#16 Michigan State over #15 OHIO STATE taking 6 ½: Buckeyes had a couple chances to beat Penn State deep last week and just missed. If Spartans can bottle up Ted Ginn like Lions did, they could win too. After Ginn was held to 40 yards on three catches vs. PSU, Buckeyes coach Jim Tressel asked the NCAA to "Pimp my wide...receiver!" In overtime... Ohio State 24 MSU 21

#17 Tennessee: IDLE (next @ Alabama)

#18 CAL over Oregon State giving 16: Can’t really criticize Cal’s decision to call a pass play from its own10 with 1:35 left to try to move the ball into FG range, but doing a little Sunday-morning quarterbacking, Vindy wonders just a bit why Bears didn’t stick with running game that was getting 7 yards a pop. Cal must stop Beavers’ wideout Hass. Cal defense does have more INTs (6) than aerial TDs allowed (4)...Cal 41 OSU 20

#19 Louisville over WEST VIRGINIA giving 7: For picking North Carolina, who lost 69-14 to the Cardinals, as his "upset pick of da’ week", Weber wins a cameo appearance in 49er’s next "diversity training" video! Cardinals’ two spread losses have come on the road, but they were laying three touchdowns or more in both cases...Louisville 34 WVU 24

#20 OREGON over Washington giving 15 1/2: Gang Green defense put the clamps on Arizona State after spotting the Sun Devils a 10-point cushion. We think UDUB caught UCLA looking ahead to Cal. Ducks should light it up frequently...Decoys 42 Sled Dogs 17

#21 Auburn over ARKANSAS giving 7 1/2: Home team has fared well against the line and Auburn hits the road for the first time all year. Hogs’ struggles, however, give Vin little hope of Arkansas staying this close. Following criticism for trying to justify a BCS spot given its soft non-conference schedule in 2004, Tigers have cancelled 2006 games vs. ESPNU, the College of Cardinals and Gene Simmons’ Rock School...Auburn 24 Razorbacks 10

#23 Wisconsin @ #22 MINNESOTA: OFF

#25 TEXAS CHRISTIAN over Army giving 23: Yes, the Toads got seven (count ‘em, seven!) turnovers from Wyoming and have generally squeaked by its other competition to-date. Keydets have covered only once in five attempts and Iowa State seems to have folded after belting rival Iowa. Vin would take the (West) points if this were in New York...TCU 45 Army 13


With last week’s outright win over Iowa State, Baylor is now 4-1 straight up this year and 11-2-1 ATS in its last 14 games! Bears also got a vote in this week’s AP Poll and cashed Vindy’s only winning ticket last week!

After Colorado State stuffed the Utes in a goal line situation last week, Karl Rove admitted revealing the meaning of Utah signals as calling the "QB sneak", but contends he did nothing wrong since he did not name a specific player!

UNLV kicker Sergio Aguayo converted not one, but two 52-yard field goals in win over San Diego State. Maybe the Philadelphia Eagles would like to borrow his services while David Akers recuperates on the sidelines!!

Part of Weber’s NHL marketing strategy also includes building a few open-air venues near bodies of water so fans can rent kayaks, listen to the games on the radio and retrieve pucks shot high over the wall into the water, akin to San Francisco’s McCovey Cove! To save a few dollars in a time when gas prices are prohibitive, Zamboni machines will stay parked and arenas will go to the grounds crew concept, having several individuals side-by-side dragging women’s heating pads along the ice surface to groom it between the periods! (No pun intended!)

If, as reported, steroids lead to shrinkage of the testicles, Jose Canseco should be able to have his set in a lovely pair of earrings! At least, then, if he looked in a mirror, he could still see them dangling!

More diamond August, Reds’ hurler Jung Keun Bong was arrested on charges of domestic battery following an altercation with his wife. Potential headlines the next day coulda’ read, "Police Respond to Home After Bong Hit!"

"Locked in a Box?": Now 1-5 courtesy of last play TD by UCLA to cover vs. Cal.
Shoppe Talk: Gators now 2-14-2 in their last 18 forecast at-bats! Louisville Cardinals now 0-5 this year!

Vindy’s Week 7 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-1 Season: 10-10 (.500)
SYRACUSE -2 over Rutgers, Tulsa -7 over RICE, NORTHERN ILLINOIS -19 over Eastern Michigan, Oklahoma State +18 ½ over TEXAS A&M

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Vindy's Picks Week 6


NEW YORK, New York (Reuters)...Fearing sagging attendance following loss of an entire season to a labor dispute, NHL officials turned to a surprising source for help and hired the Vegas Vindicator as Director of Marketing. The Weber Kid is expected to bring innovative ideas to promote the new league and to keep within the theme of fewer stoppages and higher offensive output. Vindicator will not only reduce the size of goaltenders’ equipment, but will leave the net-minders armed with only potholders and curtain rods! Vindy also proposed drawing more fans by giving several arenas their own distinctive features, such as higher glass in a certain corner of the rink a la Fenway Park or covering the boards with ivy like Wrigley Field in Chicago. With removal of the two-line pass rule, Weber likes the new slogan, "More puck don’t suck!" and predicted that in a few months, "NHL" would come to be known as the "Numerous Hat-trick League!"

Speaking of "Don’t Suck", Vindicator managed to go 11-8 for Week 5 ( 37-47, .440 season) and in honor of the late Don Adams of "Get Smart" fame, "wouldja’ believe...."

#24 GEORGIA TECH over NC State giving 4 1/2: Bees got smoked at Virginia Tech two weeks ago. No shame in that. Wolfpack stayed close in home loss to the Hokies to open the year before VT got rolling. ‘Jackets have owned the spread in this series and have gone win, loss, win, loss ATS this year. If the pattern holds...Tech 31 NC State 20

#1 USC over Arizona giving 37 1/2:
Had Trojans won handily the last two weeks, we’ would’ve considered the points, but USC has been in trouble two weeks running on the road. No such issues this time at the Coliseum...Troy 48 AZ 10

Oklahoma over #2 TEXAS taking 13 1/2: Longhorns have squeaked by in their last two big-game wins (last season’s Rose Bowl and this year at Ohio State). All week, Texas will hear about its five straight losses to the Sooners. The number is too high. We give the victory to Texas (finally), but the psychological advantage and the spread to Oklahoma...’Horns 27 OK 24

#3 VIRGINIA TECH over Marshall giving 35: Second choice for "lock". Marshall has fewer returning starters (7) than Mountaineers had (8) and are no better than Georgia Tech and Ohio U., both of whom were crushed in Blacksburg. Hokies are perfect 5-0 ATS and have a bye next. Michael Vick’s behavior is faltering as he made an inappropriate hand gesture to the West Virginia crowd, but unless he sits (and assuming usual quota of blocked kicks and interceptions)..Tech 45 Marshall 3

#4 FLORIDA STATE over Wake Forest giving 20 ½: Seminoles’ speed outclasses Deacons’ efforts to keep the clock moving with the ground game...FSU 31 Wake 7

#5 Georgia over #8 TENNESSEE taking 3: Vindy wants to pick this one almost as much as he’d wanna’ pick a Florida/Virginia match-up! Bulldogs have flown below the radar thus far with all the attention on Vols and Gators’ issues. Looks like a good spot for the ‘Dawgs, maybe in overtime...Joja’ 20 Tennessee 17

#16 PENN STATE over #6 Ohio State taking 3: Home team has covered last 7 and Lions can really use the friendly surroundings of Beaver Stadium here. Nice to see JoPa opening the playbook a bit with an end-around that went for a TD last week. Average margin over victory over last four years has been 5 points. With these defenses, have to figure the over/under on total field goals is 6 ½...Lions 19 Buckeyes 16

#7 Alabama: IDLE (next @ Ol’ Miss)

#9 MIAMI over Duke giving 35: Blue Devils have yet to cover the spread in four tries this year and this is usually the time of the season when Duke starts to warm up the hardwood for a little roundball. ‘Canes D could keep Duke outta’ the end zone and probably off the scoreboard altogether...Miami 44 Duke 0

#10 California over #20 UCLA taking 2: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. We’re about to find out which side has the best shot at bringin’ down the Trojans. Cal walloped Washington on the road. UCLA dodged a bullet vs. UDUB last week. Bears did lose at UCLA in 2003, but we think Cal should be the chalk...Bears 24 Bruins 17

VANDERBILT over #11 Louisiana State taking 14 1/2: Best candidate for "wish I had it back!". Bengals dropped seven notches in the rankings after laying a 30-point victory on Mississippi State???!! In years gone by, Vandy’s loss to Sun Belt’s Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders wouldn’t have been that big a shocker. But this year, Commodores were looking competitive. A very shaky vote for Vanderbilt in the home harbor...LSU 24 Admirals 15

#12 Notre Dame: IDLE (next vs. USC)

#13 FLORIDA over Mississippi State giving 27 1/2: Florida’s pass defense vs. ‘Bama was terrible! No faith in their D here either, but MSU is a good team to turn things around on. With the Meatloaf CD cued up in the background ... Weber croons "I would do annnny thinnng for love, but I wonnnnn’t do that... No, noooo...I won’t do...THAT!" It was finally revealed this week "that" is picking Gator games!...UF 48 MSU 17

#14 Wisconsin over NORTHWESTERN giving 7: Indiana scored a meaningless touchdown with 1:22 left on the Wisky reserves, backdooring Wisconsin (and Weber) last week. Having gotten by Michigan, Badgers’ toughest remaining game on the slate appears to be visit to Happy Valley on November 5. Win there and Wisconsin goes undefeated in the Big Ten... Badgers 30 NW 17

#15 Texas Tech over NEBRASKA giving 4: Huskers can grab a ranking if they pull this out. Asking the Huskers’ defense to stop potent Red Raiders’ passing attack this much with little help from the offense might be a bit unrealistic!...Tech 27 Big Red 17

#25 Oregon over #17 ARIZONA STATE taking 9: Ducks and Devils both have to be wondering what it really takes to beat USC. Sun Devils are 4-1 ATS including 3-1 at home. Mallards have covered both their away tilts. Initial thought was go with State, but given defensive meltdowns by both defenses vs. the Trojans, we’ll grab the points and the Ducks in a shootout...ASU 37 Oregon 34

#18 BOSTON COLLEGE over Virginia giving 7: Maryland hung 570 yards of total offense on Virginia two weeks ago. Cavs won’t be able to run on BC’s #2 rush defense...Eagles 31 Virginia 16

#19 Michigan State: IDLE (next @ Ohio State)

#21 MICHIGAN over Minnesota giving 7: Gophers paper-thin run-stoppers have been exposed. Both Purdue and Penn State lit up Minny’s D for about 6 yards per carry on the ground. Michigan posted better than 5 yards per carry vs. Michigan State. Wolverines were victimized by a couple of big 4th Quarter plays in both losses. If they play some defense the last 15 minutes here...Michigan 24 Minny 14

#22 Auburn: IDLE (next @ Arkansas)

North Carolina over #23 LOUISVILLE taking 12: UPSET SPECIAL. Line has moved in favor of UNC, so bettors weren’t impressed by Cards’ 61-10 thrashing of FAU. Neither was the Weber Kid. Cardinals now 0-4 for Vindy’s 2005 picks! Louisville was heavily penalized, but also only had one more turnover in bad loss to South Florida...Tarheels 29 Louisville 27

By the way, Vindy also plans to establish Jack Daniels as the official sponsor of the NHL and will replace the traditional plastic water bottle atop the goal net with a quart of whiskey and the requisite glassware. Play-by-play commentary would then take on a whole new connotation as the announcer calls..."Shot! Save! Shot! Save! Shot...SCORRRRRRRRRE!!" (Yep...that one’s for you, Dan!). More on hockey next week!

Correction Dept.: Weber wrongly identified Michigan’s kicker as Jose Rivas. His correct name is Garrett Rivas. Also, there were no Monday night college pigskin games played contrary to Vindy’s original belief LSU and Tennessee had been moved again to Monday night. So, college football was simply played 10 straight days, not 11 of 12 (though it started up again Tuesday this week and will be played Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday!)

Las Vegas continues to celebrate 100 years! Almost as many as Joe Paterno has spent patrolling the sidelines in Happy Valley!

After bashing the "directional Michigans" a couple weeks ago, Vindy is man enough to collectively salute those same teams this week as the Eagles, Chippewas and Broncos all posted victories over I-A clubs!

Following an encounter with IRS last Spring, Vindy recommends the following name change for a certain NY Giants wide-receiver: Tax-He-Owe Burress!

With certain shows airing season premieres on FOX this past weekend, one particular commercial featured a rhododendron seductively convincing Terrell Owens to miss the big game, dropping its towel and leaping into the arms of the befuddled Eagles receiver in a shameless plug for... "Desperate House Plants!"

The Major League Playoffs are underway! This week’s ESPN: The Magazine reveals 37% of men leaving bathrooms at Turner Field in Atlanta don’t wash their hands. What they don’t tell ya is that the other 63% either missed and elected to wash off their shoes instead or simply didn’t have any hands to begin with!

On March 24, a swarm of yellow-jackets caused an early end to a game between the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Colorado Rockies...but not before fans got see a 6-to-4-to-bee double-play!

On the NCAA hardwood...Texas Tech announced this week Bobby Knight’s son, Pat, will replace him at the helm after the ‘09 season. Bobby then proudly displayed photos of Pat as a toddler, hurling his potty chair onto the driveway basketball court!

"Locked in a Box?": Now 1-4 (.200) as the Bruins tanked vs. UDUB!

Shoppe Talk: It ain’t a week of college football without the standard forecast loss courtesy of those Florida Gators (now 2-13-2 in Vindy’s last 17 attempts!)

Vindy’s Week 6 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-2 Season: 8-9 (.470)
Baylor +9 /2 over IOWA STATE, San Diego State -8 over UNLV, EAST CAROLINA -5 over Rice