TIGERS PULL-OFF GAME-SHOW PLOY PRIOR TO TITLE
MATCH
CULVER
CITY, California (REUTERS)…Seeking a psychological edge, it
took little persuasion by Clemson-staffers to engage two of three Jeopardy contestants on Tuesday to
conspire against perennial-contender Alabama. Unidentified sources
covertly-revealed “clues” forthcoming in the “Colleges By Team Names” category
ahead of time to Terry McElhennon and Steve Belding. Early in the opening
round, McElhennon selected and buzzed-in first to the $200-clue…”Crimson Tide”.
The customer service rep from North Carolina, no fan of rival Clemson, but
showing ACC-allegiance, knowingly spouted incorrectly, “What is Auburn?” Belding, who hails from
Knoxville, Tennessee, would’ve also happily taken the potshot at the Tide, then
called the appropriate response of
“Alabama”, but by then, the intended social-media firestorm and deliberate
off-field distraction of the championship-favorite had been set in motion!
Vindicator
made
an appearance later this week on the show and annoyed host Alex Trebek by
stating he’d “like to buy a vowel” and that he’d “like to solve the puzzle”,
blurting out, not “in the form of a
question”…
THE
WEBER KID’S 2015-16 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP PREDICTION
(More
flammable than a hovercraft in the United Kingdom!)
#1
Clemson vs. #2 Alabama (“under 50 ½”) (@Glendale, AZ): Most
of the major statistical comparison-differences are negligible and while we not-so-secretly
would love to see da’ Evil Empire fall, we have a tough time envisioning
Tide, currently favored by 6 ½, not
capturing the crown with yet-another double-digit win, including 38-0 victory
over Michigan State (its 12th triumph on the year by 10 or more and
9th in 10 games since loss to Ole Miss), we reckon it’ll be a contest
of defenses…not only the ones that can stifle offensive stars, but perhaps more-importantly,
the ones that can rise-up following a breakdown on special teams that leads to
an excellent scoring-opportunity for the opponent. Neither side gives up squat
for yardage, points or 3rd-Down conversions. In addition, if we were coachin’ either side, we’d lean
heavily on the run in an effort to limit the number of possessions fer the
other guys. Meanwhile, FG-kicking has been an adventure for Alabama, converting just 22 of 31 attempts (71%), but allowing
just 14 of 24 (Then again, ya don’t kick threes
much when yer behind a few touchdowns!). We prophesize more Tide punts or
going on 4th-Down as a result. Favorites have walked away with the
championship hardware in 4 of last 5 years. ‘Dogs have covered last pair (including
last year’s outright win by Ohio State). Tigers QB Deshaun Watson will be less
of a stationary target than MSU’s Connor Cook, and though Sparty limited
Derrick Henry to about half his season rushing-yards-per-game average, the
‘Bama RB did score two TDs inside the
red zone...’Bama 26 Clemson 16
2015-16
BOWL RECAP
Following a couple of post-seasons dominated, not
just ATS but also SU, by the
underdogs, the chalk “came in like a Tekken ball” (if yer not a fan of the
martial arts video-game series, Google
it!) and ran amok this year, taking and covering a hefty 25 of the 40 (pushing one) bowls to-date (.641). Points
also came freely as the “over” went
26-14 (.650). Your Sin City Soothsayer was unable to get any real traction
throughout the bowl season, managing more than two back-to-back forecast-wins
just once, correctly calling the hat-trick with the Sugar, Tax Slayer (BTW, the
alma mater made us sweat the 4th Quarter with the over-under in doubt until the final 8
seconds to play!) and Liberty Bowls before the Ducks brought us to the screeching halt. Opening 5-7 in Part I, we
spent much of the rest of the way behind
da’ chains, but a rare “lock of da’ week” dubya by Navy on December 28 and 2-1
outing on New Year’s Eve pulled us even at 16-16 as the ball dropped in Times
Square. We thank the stadium scoreboard operator at da’ Motel 6 Cactus Bowl fer
“leaving the lights on”…all of ‘em…as
West Virginia and Arizona State swapped sixes and more to go well-“over” the total as we predicted, closing out a
3-1 effort on the 2nd day of 2016, with only Oregon’s gargantuan collapse vs.
TCU (since we referenced “Kill Bill Vol. 2” in Part III, we’ll do so again
here, quoting Elle Driver AKA California
Mountain Snake, who quipped, “’Gargantuan’…I’ve always liked that word, so rarely had the opportunity to use it in a sentence.’”,
but we digress) and putting us at the current 21-20 tally, assuring Vindy’s
Bowl Predictions of no-worse than a .500 finish heading into the championship
game!
BETWEEN
THE HASHMARKS
BTW, the third
contestant in the aforementioned Jeopardy episode, female Alex Lautenen Walker
of San Diego, was not in on the ruse
and took home a third-place finish (including the home-version of Jeopardy), sayin’ “No biggie. I made more on a
straight-bet of the Aztecs layin’ the points over Air Force than these two
chumps brought home tonight combined!”
Also…it coulda’ been worse. Terry’s reply coulda’
been with an opportunity to cash-in on a “video Daily Double”!!!!
Elsewhere…if ya share any photo of “Vindy’s Picks” on Facebook,
Mark Zuckerberg will give-away the 2016 National Championship trophy!
Da’ Drakes sported new unis (and this is different
from what?!) for the Alamo after previously-donning a
glow-in-the-duck..er..um..dark…outfit
on Halloween! Guess the late-October outfits woulda’ been more appropriate
considering how badly they got lit-up
after taking a 31-zip lead, only to lose in triple-OT to TCU, who made the
phenomenal rebound with a quarterback making his first collegiate start!
2015 version of
A Christmas Carol dialogue featuring Scrooge to any given 5-7
bowler….”There’s more of grade than grave about you.” Ghosts of Christmas Passed, Present and Futures-bets…???!!!
From the “you only had one job” category…The Sports
Xchange published a write-up of the Military Bowl that was subtitled, “No.
22 Midshipmen steamroll Chippewas
behind star quarterback”. The Chippies,
of course, lost a much-closer 21-14 game vs. the Gilded Gerbils of Minnesota in
the Quick Lane Bowl on the day-in-question, while Navy actually blasted the Pitt Panthers.
If ya were scoring at home, you know that thru Week
12, eight of our dozen Upset Pick of Da’ Week selections won
outright (.667), with a 9th team not winning, but still beating the
spread (.692). Sadly, from Week 13 through Part III of our bowl predictions,
upset picks failed miserably, going just 1-5 (.167). Meanwhile, games we
designated as “upset alert” (didn’t formally have the ‘dog winning, but thought
the fave was vulnerable) went 2-2 (.500).
Embattled Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel was
reportedly spotted in our fair berg recently, sportin’ a blonde wig. Sing it with us, Rocky Horror Picture Show geeks…”I’ve been….makin’ a Man(ziel)…with
blonde hairrr and a tan(ziel)…and he’s good fer relieving my…tension…” Or how ‘bout…”Rush-a, rush-a,
rush-a, rushhh meeeeee….I want..my jersey dirrrrrtyyyyyyyy….” “Janet! Dr. Scott! Janet! Brad! Johnny!...Janet! Dr. Scott! Brad!...”
“Wish
We Had That One Back”: We tagged Southern Cal-Wisconsin “over
50 ½” in da’ Holiday Bowl for this category. Sure enough, the 23-21 “under” win
by the Badgers kept us in minus-territory as Part II came to a close.
Locked
in a Box: Our choice of Navy (-3) over Pitt was “Third-time-out’s
da’ charm” rather than “da’ Charmin’”, completing the “lock” record
at 5-10 (.333).
Black
Shirt: Already-preferring Oregon at +1 ½ in the Alamo Bowl,
when TCU QB Trevone Boykin got himself arrested a few days ahead of the game to
rapidly push the spread to Mallards -7, Vindy prematurely locked-in and
manufactured the ebony undershirt for the Horny Toads man-behind-center, but the
Part III special-edition garment is duly-awarded to Joja’ back-up kicker Collin
Barber for missing a 48-yard FG in the 3rd Quarter that woulda’
eventually sent the Bulldogs-Lions game “over” the total, giving us the foreseen
“under” instead. Honorable Mention
to A&M QB Jake Hubenak for throwing a 4th Down incompletion in
the end zone with about a minute-and-a-half to play that allowed Louisville to
simply run out the clock and cover in the Cardinals win.
Shoppe
Talk: Grill-Master
Supreme Award-winner Vindicator helped his own cause
with just his 5th correct “lock of da’ week” (as noted above) to
finish at 5-10 (.333). Suckin’ Place winner Utah burned us again, falling to
3-7 (.300), as did Ohio State (now 4-7-1, .364). Meanwhile A&M and LSU
showed up on the right side, improving to 3-5-1 (.375) and 5-6 (.455),
respectively. Ironically, Weber-Friendlies…weren’t! Iowa, Stanford and TCU all
landed in the “L” column, while only the Gators of Florida granted us the
forecast-victory to finish at 8-2 (.800) on the 2015-16 campaign!
Best
Bets: Last Week: 1-1
Bowl Season: 3-1 (.750) Season: 44-35-1
(a profitable .557!)
LEFTOVER
HASH (Yes, we know it’s redundant.
Vindicator now conducts the annual “emptying of the clip” and expends all the
stuff he had in the arsenal throughout the season that didn’t previously find
its way into the forecast…until now.)
Down to their 4th-string
quarterback (a wide-receiver with an arm), Baylor coaches spent much of the
break between regular-season finale and bowl game toiling endlessly at the
“Build-A-Bear” workshop! It worked! BU
beat North Carolina!
Big 12 Conference
officials announced schools would incur fines whose fans charged the field and it
would levy potential penalties vs. teams that excessively show controversial
replays (including bad beats for Vindy’s
Picks!)
Mitt Romney “sparred” with
Evander Holyfield for a couple rounds of a charity boxing match before the
Republican ex-presidential also-ran declared, “No mas”. Witnesses pooh-poohed
claims that Mitt tried to bite Holyfield’s ear.
Dartmouth developed a
robot tackling-dummy. Can’t wait for the first one to go all “Robocop” and
utter, “Take a knee, Citizen…or there
will be…trouble.” “Danger, danger, Will Robinson!” C3PO…”I recommend a new strategy, R2…let the Darkside
win.”12-year-old Sam Holtz tied
for 1st in ESPN’s 2015 NCAA Tournament Bracket Challenge, but
because of age rules, was ineligible for the $20K gift card top prize and trip
to this season’s Maui Invitational. The Chicago suburb sixth-grader did, however, get something for his efforts…a commemorative championship-game
program, various autographed game-worn jerseys from Duke and Wisconsin and…a
spot on Vindy’s 2016 Preseason Forecasting Strategy Team!
Following conclusion of
the 2016 installment of March Madness
(located, per Charles Barkley,…”In… the
Annapolis”), “One Shining Moment” will be replaced by a rousing version of “Big
Safety Dance”, performed by Men Without Hats!
In a late March 2015 piece
in the Washington Post, writer John
Feinstein noted that, among the things that are “broken” about March Madness, is the time it takes to
play a game, specifically referencing the available number of time-outs. Major
League Baseball is also taking measures to pick up da’ pace. Can ya imagine if
MLB had mandatory stoppages of play for the under-eight-innings
time-out and under four-innings
time-out in addition to automatic breaks between innings???!!!
The opening Thursday of
the 2015 Big Dance saw teams from the Longhorn State go 0-fer-five! In related
news, earlier that month, Vladimir Putin returned to the public eye following a
mysterious 11-day absence. Vindy’s spies says the Russian leader simply bought
himself some time to do some research for filling out his NCAA brackets!
On da’ Big Screen… Kordell
Stewart plays football vs. the Gods of Olympus in…”Slash of Da’ Titans”??!!!
Cavs’ PG and savior Matthew Dellavedova absorbed
fractures in both legs, both arms and his neck after Game Three of the 2015 NBA
Finals. He planned to play in Game Four. Hope somebody cued-up the theme-song
from “Six-Million Dollar Man” when he hit the court for that one! (Say it with
us…”Ruuuudy! Ruuuudy! Ruuuudy! Ruuuudy!)
We caught the following headline in a late-May
edition of the local paper…”Noah set to take over ‘Daily Show’ September 28”
and wondered why the Chicago Bulls would let Joakim moonlight as a late-night
TV host!
Da’ New York Giants
recently lost their head coach. Are they “Straight Outta’ Coughlin”???!!!
Taylor Swift got the
okie-dokie for the halftime gig at Super Bowl Fitty. If Dallas makes the
contest-in-question, will we hear the pop-artist croon…”I can make da’ Cowboys good fer a weekend!”???? Swift is expected to be accompanied by Brittney
Spears. If da’ former-Mouseketeer-turned-performer conducted the coin-toss twice, would we hear her sing, “Oops…Iiiiii flipped it again…!”
Pats tight end Rob
Gronkowski spiked a football-shaped cake at the Hard Rock Hotel in Sin City,
drawing a 15-yard-unbaker’s-man-like penalty!
BTW, readers near
Foxborough, Massachusetts can call us…Vegas Vindeflator!
The NFL took away a 5th
Round draft choice from the Atlanta Falcons for piping artificial crowd-noise
into their stadium for the past two seasons. In a like move, bookies have
vacated some of Vindy’s winning wagers for similar infractions!
If Marshawn Lynch sits on the john, is it considered
“Beast Commode”?! Mark Lazarus, NBC
Sports chair, made his desire known to put the kibosh on the traditional
playoff beards sported by hockey players until their teams are dismissed or
ultimately walk-off with Lord Stanley’s Cup, believing the clean-shaven players
are more-recognizable as role models and enhance their chances for endorsement
deals. Lazarus also noted he favored less-hirsute versions of Santa, Da’ Most
Interesting Man in Da’ World, Travelocity’s Roamin’ Gnome, Walt Whitman and
Sigmund Freud for similar reasons!
Also this time last year, Miss Universe Canada scored
with a wacky hockey costume, featuring the Stanley Cup crown, an array of
hockey sticks and an operational scoreboard on the back. That would certainly
garner our vote for ugliest Christmas
sweater!
Four new events got added last summer to the program
for the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyongpang, including a team event in downhill
skiing. Synchronized skiing?! How ‘bout mixed-doubles snowball fighting??!!!
A poll by Women
on 20s in May saw Andrew Jackson gettin’ the boot in
favor of Harriet Tubman on the twenty-dollar bill. We’ll leave da’
who-goes-on-what-currency details up to da’ Treasury Department, but here’s our
suggestions fer puttin’ ladies on lyra, broads on bread, divas on dollahs,
babes on Benjamins, femmes on fitties…Ronda Rousey, Hope Solo, Danica Patrick,
FloJo, Lindsey Vonn, Brittney Griner, Mary Lou Retton, Kerri Scruggs, Picabo
Street, Mia Hamm, Nancy Kerrigan and Peggy Fleming!
June 2015 marked the 25th anniversary of
the alma mater becoming a member of da’ Big Tent-Peg Conference! A month
earlier, PSU DT Anthony Zettel showed off his strength as he tackled a…tree, leading us to ponder… “Treeeee?! I’m no treeeee. I am an Ent.”.
Did it make a sound? Did we hear Bruce Lee quip…”Trees…don’t hit back.”? From
Lord of Da’ Rings…”They came with fire. They came with axes. They came with defensive tackles???!!!”
Business
Insider published a list of the top fitty schools in which
students are both smart and athletic. The alma mater came in at…42nd,
ahead of TCU, Villanova, Wheaton College (Illinois), Davidson College, South
Carolina, Richmond (our grad school alma mater), Indiana and Kenyon College
(Gambier, Ohio). Fortunately, WE ARE… still
ahead of Hogwarts School of Wizardry
and their quidditch dynasty (barely)!
Among the Top 10 on a list of 18,000 new species
discovered last year was a Moroccan spider that does cartwheels to evade
predators. The maneuver allows the arachnid to double its speed from that it
attains while running. Coaches at Richmond have already incorporated the move
into Spring drills.
Dr.
Saturday reported the UT-Austin president voted “Oh, hell yeah!” to beer sales at Longhorns
football games. Texas has already been selling alcohol at basketball, baseball
and (GASP!) track (???!) events since
the 2014 season! Anybody else out
there preparin’ for wayward hammers, javelins and discuses???!!!! (Disci?!)
An October edition of The Las Vegas Review-Journal
ran an article pointing out that local street names reflect magicians,
musicians and mobsters. We’re kinda’ hopin’
that Sin City officials might eventually honor us with…Vindy’s Picks
Promenade or maybe Vindy’s Picks
Parkway!
On the big screen this week…Vindy’s PIXELS (with PAC-Man and
Donkey Kong as guest-forecasters)
And
if yer reading Vindy’s musings from somewhere in the Seven Kingdoms…
Four words… Road Game of Thrones?!
Will Alabama fans in Casterly Rock yell “Roll Tywin…Lannister!?”
Vindy watched da’ “Wizard of Oz” with Charles
Barkley over the holidays and had to explain that the Scarecrow wasn’t stuffed full
of Crows (or strawberries for that matter!).
This week on the stage at
The Smith Center in Vegas…the Broadway hit…The Sportsbook of Mormon! (Or for GoT fans…The Sportsbook of…Mormont!”)
Arya: “I want to learn how
to gamble on sports.” Faceless Man: “A man would teach a girl to bet, but first a girl must become no one.”
“Stick ‘em with the pointy tight-end.”
Game of Thrones meets Baltimore’s NFL team…If coaches want to communicate with the
quarterback, do they “send a Raven”???!!!
The House
Baratheon motto meets a Pittsburgh Penguins goalie…”Ours is the Marc-Anthony
Fleury”!
And with that, Sportsfans…as we eagerly-await
announcement of our winning numbers
fer tonight’s Powder Ball…er…um…Power-Six Ball…Chris Fowler Ball…uh…Bill Cowher Ball….we leave you, until August, with our traditional
Irish blessing…”May the road ‘dog rise up to beat you.” (Somethin’
like that!)
Air
Forecast One has gone “wheels up”!
