Thursday, September 16, 2021

Vindy's Picks Week 3-2021



LAS VEGAS, Nevada (CNN)...In July, the final pieces of the metal material that served as a defensive-barrier around the gathering-place of the nation’s Congress and legislature following the January 6 riots were dismantled. The Vegas Vindicator acquired said-metal obstacle free of charge on the condition that his weekly predictions not be available in D.C. While the fencing was resurrected as a protective-measure in Sin City encircling the picks, bookies were still able to get close-enough to wreak havoc firing paintballs, rotten eggs and other small projectiles between the chain-links! 

We finished Week 2 at 3-2 (though just mere two-combined points from 5-0!) to move to 7-3 (.700) thus far. 

President Biden jokingly made the sign of the cross to ward off evil after perusing... 


(Being recorded for quality assurance purposes!) 

SAT. SEPT. 18 

#1 Alabama (-15) over #9 FLORIDA: Nick Saban expressed serious-concern about his team’s absence of “intensity” ahead of ‘Bama’s “contest” against I-AA Mercer. Commensurate with Tide’s very-mortal 7-nada edge on the strength of a blocked-punt with 6:39 left in the 1st Quarter over the FCS Mercer Bad News Bears, despite the 31-zip lead at halftime and eventual 48-14 ending, we think Coach had a point! We don’t anticipate lackadaisical attitude will be an issue fer this week’s trek to Da’ Swamp, but Pachyderms’ need to dial-it-back a bit having been dinged for 17 yellow-hankies on the year, losing 10-yards-and-change on average per penalty. Tide escaped UF last season 52-46 to take the SEC crown en route to the national championship. The D, as young as it is, is doing its job, allowing just 27 total points in ‘21. Meanwhile, Florida took care of business beating Florida Atlantic and South Florida, but the offense took some serious hits courtesy of the NFL Draft, and now have a new QB, among other skills-players. Gators have been slow-starters against the line early on (including 0-2 this season). Both clubs are a coin-toss ATS going against ranked-opponents, though ‘Bama has covered 5 of 7 chances in that role lately. If Big Al and friends can cutdown on the laundry fer illegal jazz-hands/hand-maidens to the face...Hawaiian King Roll Tide 42 Reptiles 16 

Nebraska (+22) over #3 OKLAHOMA: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. This used to be one of the critical contests in the days of the Big 8. Corncobs seem to have recovered (somewhat) with triumphs over I-AA Fordham and a recently-MAC-annual-contender Buffalo, but opening defeat at Illinois appears even-worse since Illini fell in Champaigne to Texas-Sangria Antonio and blow-out loss at Virginia. Contrary to our Week 2 praise for Colorado’s early-season spread-prowess, NU stands in at 3-13 ATS in the first four tilts of each season since 2017. Marc Lawrence notes a couple very unfavorable trends for the Sooners here and OK weathered an opening scare by...Tulane (!?) and subsequent demolition of I-AA Western Carolina, doesn’t factor into this one. Boomer just needs a dubya. Children of Da’ Corn, who should maybe think-over a return to the B12 in light of four consecutive conference losing-records elsewhere, bring everything they have...Lincoln Logs 34 Big Dread 27 

#20 Auburn @ #12 PENN STATE (“under 53”): Annual “white-out" game at Beaver Stadium. We watched, with much sense-of-relief, the Lions offense move very methodically and efficiently up-and-down the gridiron versus Ball State following a disappointing effort at Wisconsin. New Auburn HC Bryan Harsin led Boise State to five double-digit wins records in six tries (nine, the other) Those mostly came squaring-off vs. Mountain Jest foes, but still took out seven Power Five opponents (mostly from the 12-PAC and a few from the B12 and ACC). Harsin’s clubs went “blah” 25-20-2 spread-wise the past three seasons. Good start into his tenure in Auburn with a pair of romps over Akron and I-AA Bama State, bangin’ da’ board for 60 or more in each, but we ain’t gettin' sucked-in to that. Tigers are fledgling at the O-skills while more-learned on D. Aubie hasn’t been good getting points on the road, but have won 11 of last 13 non-conference matches outright. Assuming rumor-intelligence of James Franklin bolting fer Sudden Call don’t interfere with game-preparations...Penn State 23 Tigers 20 

#13 UCLA (-11) over Fresno State: Bulldogs, who sandwiched near-upset of the Ducks in Eugene with romps over UConn and FCS Cal Poly, beat UCLA 38-14 in 2018 and lost tough matches to USC and Minnesota in 2019. Bruins are off a bye and show 2-0 ATS and 2-0 “under” following defeats of Hawaii and LSU. Chip Kelly started his current tenure losing five straight in 2018, five of first six in 2019 and two of first three last season. Looks like he’s finally got his players where they need to be. A trip to Stanford, who closed out last year edging UCLA 48-47 in extra frames and recently shocked Southern Cal, awaits but we don’t consider this a look-ahead spot...UCLA 38 Fresno 24 

Virginia (+8) over #19 NORTH CAROLINA: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Cavs have owned this series, winning and covering each of the past four years. Coach Mack Brown is in his 3rd year at Chapel Hill and has a young defense but the offense looked disoriented in 17-10 defeat at Virginia Tech before blasting Joja’ Tech last week. Wahoos have gone 6-2 against the Top 25 over the past three seasons, including 44-41 over then #15 Carolina last year. Tarheels have bettered the win-loss record from 2 to 7 to 8 under Brown, but Marc Lawrence also points-out the team has had 21 folks bolt the program via the portal and a couple of trends definitely support Virginia in this spot...Cavaliers 30 La Brea 27 


BTW, unhappy-bettors were also able to express their displeasure effectively employing spit-wads, Super-Soakers and lawn-darts to defile the forecast! 

In a quirky follow-up to our Week 2 “hashmarks” item about a certain late-90's University of Pittsburgh graduate, we note that 1997 was the year Sky-Net became “self-aware” in the Terminator flick and using our superior intellectual skills, we figured out that an anagram of Chris Bickell is...Belichick SR! Coincidence? You decide! 

It was announced in June that oral bacteria samples from UNLV’s dental clinic will be sent into space to study their growth. School officials quickly pointed-out that none of the samples came from UNLV gridiron players given the team’s absence of smash-mouth football! (BTW, if there’s a subsequent plan to research the actual conduct of root-canals while orbiting the planet, our first thought is “In space, no one can hear you scream.


Ed Orgeron this week said he wants his Bayou Bengals to play at “warp speed” on offense. We can hear the response now...”I’m givin her all she’s got, Coach! But we’re not goin’ anywhere without the dilithium crystals!” Or how ‘bout...”Set phasers to run. 

Hooray fer Da’ Little Guy: None of our five FCS over FBS suggestions last week even got within grenade-range of actually occurring, but we salute #17 Jacksonville State (20-17 over FLORIDA STATE) and unranked Duquesne (28-26 over OHIO). Notable near-misses: Weeziana Tech 45-42 over #14 Southeast Weeziana, Lafayette 27-24 over unranked Nicholls State, Texas Tech 28-22 Stephen F. Austin and Kansas State 31-28 over Southern Illinois. A few more guesses for this week...Bryant over AKRON, Murray State over BUMBLING GREEN, Jackson State (19 votes) over WEEZIANA-MONROE and Florida A&M over SOUTH FLORIDA. 

Freaky-Flag-of-Da'-Week: Tulsa warranted a hankie for having two #90s on the field at the same time during onside-kick at Oklahoma State, down 5 points with three minutes to play! The legit #90 was DL Jaxson Player. The impostor has not yet been identified, but Vindy’s spies suggest it was the equipment manager, who “really wanted to play a down”! 

The folks at “Sunday Night Football” incorrectly tagged a random-blonde in the seats as Kelly Stafford, spouse of Rams QB Matthew Stafford. Despite an in-game on-air retraction by NBC for the boo-boo, Kelly’s divorce-lawyer has not responded to Vindy’s calls fer comment! 

If a pretend gridiron-team contest meets a prime-time program where “dreams” come true, is it...”Fantasy Football Island”! 

Former Major-League hurler Mike Montgomery last week frustratedly launched a rosin-bag into the back of a Korean Baseball Organization umpire. The home-plate official calmly shook-off the attack and calmly trotted down the right-field line after being awarded 1st Base! 

Elsewhere around the horn, umpire Tim Timmons chased the Orioles ground-crew off the field as it prepared to bust-out the tarp ahead of heavy rain late in Wednesday’s game vs. the Yankees. Moments later, Camden Yards got drenched. Timmons was left to roll-out the covering by himself. Somebody forgot to mention that every member of the crew works a day-job...with the Weather Channel! 

If a reality TV program meets a play featuring a quarterback on a completely-unprotected roll-out fearing ongoing scoreless tennis-matches, is it...”Naked Bootleg and Afraid of Love”??!! 

Sleeping structures in the Olympic Village ahead of the July Tokyo Summer Games were made of cardboard to inhibit...well...ya’ know...”relations”...among competitors. Here come da’ scores from the affected-athletes...!!!! 

LOCK OF DA’ WEEK: Now 2-0 (1.000) as the Rebels-Sun Devils tilt ended-up below the total as we expected! For what’s it worth, we also called the exact final score of...ASU 37 Unlv 10!!!! 

Wish We Had It Back: Yep! We called it! Kansas +25 ½ over COASTAL CAROLINA! Faux-Hawks lost by 27!


Black Shirt: The admired-attire goes to Arizona State quarterback JT Daniels for tossin’ a pick in the end zone in the 1st Quarter vs. UNLV, keeping the Solar Beelzebubs off the board altogether for the initial 15 minutes on the way to the predicted “under fitty-three-and-a-half"! 

Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-1-1 Season: 4-3-1 (.571) 

Michigan State +6 ½ over MIAMI, Mississippi State –3 ½ over MEMPHIS, Sudden Methadone @ WEEZIANA TECH “over 66”, San Diego State @ UTAH “under 44 ½”