Thursday, January 06, 2022

The Weber Kid's 2022 National Championship Prediction


INDIANAPOLIS, IN (REUTERS)...As the ‘21-’22 NCAA college basketball campaign wanders knee-deep into conference-play, NCAA officials admitted that, with Great-Clips being the official hair-salon sponsor of last year’s Big Dance, Baylor, in the midst of Coronavirus concerns, had to schedule a date and time for two days later in order to have the nets cut-down following its championship-winning victory and that televised-coverage of the Bears’ nicking-of-the-nylons prior to that appointment was digitally-altered. Runner-up Gonzaga proactively booked a spot to “snip the strings” a day earlier. The Waco Koalas, currently-atop this week’s AP rankings, were eventually, before being rung-up by the cashier, asked if they needed “any product”. The Bears declined, but left the attending-stylist an undisclosed hefty tip-(off) for services-rendered!


We got our clock cleaned for the second time in four weeks (are ya Nicole Kiddin me???!!!), managing just an 0-4-1 (7-6-1 for the post-season; 36-45-2, .444 season en toto). Thankfully, we went 2-0 for the “best bets”, our one saving grace for the collective bowl outing (see our “best bets” segment below). BTW, our ASU-Badgers “under 44” call (unavailable at press-time for Part III) hit correctly in Part II, bringing us even at 2-2 for that period).


Late last month, archaeologists in Richmond, Virginia opened a time-capsule discovered beneath the pedestal that once was a base for a statue of Robert E. Lee, and were dismayed to find just “a few water-logged documents, a silver coin and ... 


(Bein’ led by Lassie to the well where da’ Part III Bowl ‘Picks fell in!) 

MON. JAN. 10



#1 Alabama vs. #3 Georgia (“under 52”): Not much left to be said about the these two that hasn’t already been mentioned. Rematch of the SEC Championship, won 41-24 by Tide. ‘Bama’s competing for a national crown for the ninth time in past 13 years (yawn!), having won 6 of previous 8, losing twice to Clemson. Dawgs’ stone-walled Michigan until, in a moment lapse-of-reason, allowed a trash-time touchdown and subsequent two-point conversion (which rescued a push on the total from the jaws of victory). Tide’s special teams weren’t vs. Cincinnati, given a missed 44-yard-FG, a muffed punt and excellent punt-coverage by the Bearkats, leaving Big Al up just 17-3 at the break. It’s been noted elsewhere that Joja’ hasn’t bested ‘Bama in last seven tries and Kirby Smart himself has gone 0-fer-4 vs. Old Nick. The team getting points had covered six-straight title clashes, winning 3 of ‘em outright, until the fave covered the line the past two years. We’re bucking a serious trend here calling “under 52” as 8 of the prior 9 averaged a total of 66.8 ppg on the final abacus. The outlier? ’Bama’s 23-20 victory in OT over these Bulldogs in 2018. UA has been limited to fewer than 24 points in a contest just 6 times in 7 years (LSU kept Maroon Mammoths to 20 in early November). Vindy plans to rip off his jersey, shirt and gloves and launch them into the sportsbook crowd before abruptly departing the casino during the 3rd Quarter of this one!...UGA 26 “Roll Typing Pool” 20 

2021-2022 BOWL RECAP 

Despite an uncharacteristically fast-start by teams getting points (8-6 thru Christmas Eve) in the early games, typically the dominion of the favorites, spread-results ended up pretty much fitty-fitty, with chalk going 19-17-1 overall (though 13 of those 17 ‘dogs won on the scoreboard too!). Totals were also a crapshoot, tallying 19 “over” and 16 “under”, with one push. Conference-wise, the only stand-out among the Power Five was the Big 12, which recorded a stylish 5-2 SU/ATS tally. On the opposite end, the 12-Pack sucked dirty pond-water, winning just one of its five tussles. Surprisingly, the Mandolin Stressed Conference led the way among the Group of Five at 5-1 SU/4-2 ATS. Six teams opted-out due to Coronavirus issues, relegating five contests to the COVID compost pile. 



BTW, last June, Big West basketball officials made it known its conference tournament would be played in the Las Vegas Dollar Loan Center. Participating players will be required to take out minimum borrowings of $500 and pay them back no later than the day after their team exits the contest or otherwise incur substantial penalty-fees!


Ahead of the Duke’s Mayo Bowl, in a gentlemen’s agreement, it was decided the victorious coach would be subject to a bath in the featured condiment. Following his Gamecocks’ win over North Carolina, Coach Shane Beamer was indeed slathered in mayonnaise. Attentive readers may remember we laid 9 with the Pachyderms of the La Brea Arm-Pits in that contest, so taking a page from Hannibal Lecter’s playbook, your humble narrator trapped Beamer between two extra-large slices of sandwich bread, added some lettuce and tomatoes, then “ate his liver with some tuna-fish and a nice chianti”. 

The Washington Football Team is finally ready to reveal its new moniker in early next month. The finalists included three nautical/naval references. Staying with that concept, we offer...the Dinghies, Swashbucklers, Ferrymen (with Charon the Ferryman of Greek Mythology as the team mascot) and the Jacques Cousteaus (of Calypso fame). But perhaps our fave suggestion would be the Gondoliers. The players could take the gridiron in their red-and-white striped jerseys and sash-adorned straw hats, wielding oars!!! 

If Gordon Ramsey takes his latest cooking show to Kansas City, is it called...”Next Level Chief”??!! 

With Mr. Roboto blaring over the PA-system, if a quarterback yells “Kilroy!...Kilroy!...Kilroy!” then audibles to a different play that ultimately converts a 3rd-Down on a river in Hell, does he “move the Styx”???!!! 

Entering this Winter Games as a provisional, exhibition event...Olympic Toe-Curling! 

Raiders’ wide-out DeSean Jackson got heat from the league for sporting cleats, in a tribute to the late John Madden, inscribed with the words, “The road to easy street goes through the sewer.” during Vegas’ game at the Colts on Sunday. An anonymous bettor said he’ll be donning a pair of waffle-irons bearing the phrase, “The road to easy street goes thru the Vindicator.”! during the National Title match! 

Among the items recovered from the Confederate-era time-capsule was also a rare photo of the Vegas Vindicator as a child on da’ lap of...Abraham Lincoln! 

“Lock of Da’ Week”: Rutgers (+14 ½) lost by 4TD to Wake, lowering the “lock” record to an unexciting 8-8 (.500) for the year.


Wish We Had It Back: We’d like to go back in time and make different choice than PSU +1 ½ over Arkansas after noting Lions are now 4-5 against the spread taking points (though 1-8 SU). As such, history sides with the Pork Bellies.” 

Black Shirt: The Prestigious Polo goes to Cowboys K Tanner Brown for hitting three outta’ four FGs and all four PATs, bolstering Okie State’s comeback win, cashing one of our “best bets”! 

Shoppe Talk: Baylor (0-5, .000) will spend the offseason at the Shoppe after beating Ole Miss (-1 ½) SU, resulting in one of our four forecast defeats. The Wolverines (1-4-1, .200) will keep the Bears company after posting the aforementioned push. Not many at-bats, but next year we’ll be watchin’...North Carolina and Mississippi (both 0-3, .000) in addition to Auburn and Wake Forest (1-3, .250 each).  

Vindy’s Bowl Predictions Part III Best Bets: 2-0 Bowl Season: 8-1 (.889) Season: 34-32-1 (.515) 


LEFTOVER HASH (Yes, we know that’s redundant. Vindicator now conducts the yearly “emptying of the arsenal” and expends all the stuff he had at his disposal throughout the season that didn’t previously-find its way into the forecast...until now.) In no particular order... 

Potential post-season venues for next year pending approval of applications: The Tidy Cats Litter-Box Bowl, Big Mouth Billy Bass Bowl, GOYA Foods Chickpeas & Black Beans Bowl, Phillips 66 Head Screwdriver Bowl, Gorilla Glue Hairspray Bowl, Peloton Bowl, BentCarrot.Com Urology Bowl and the Manischewitz Matzah Ball Bowl!


Following Mizzou’s OT triumph vs. Florida back in November, HC Eli Drinkwitz appeared at the post-game presser as Darth Vader and even brandished a lightsaber. After Army toppled the Tigers in the Armed Forces Bowl, we were hopin’ HC Jeff Monken would show up to the media Q&A dressed as Obi Wan Kenobi, Yoda or at least Jar-Jar Binks! 

If an extreme-car-racing flick is featured in an Ohio city, is...”Da’ Fast and Da’ Furious: Toledo-Drift"??!! 

How ‘bout we make car-racing more-interesting by eliminating the giant fuel-containers used by pit-crews and force drivers to bust-out credit cards to use standard gas-pumps or fork over actual money to cashiers on the infield! 

Given the pandemic, does a hoops team get the ball based on da’ vaccination-arrow??!! 

Is it just us or does Iowa center Luka Garza bear a resemblance to Fred Gwynn of Munsters fame??!! If said stand-out meets a certain scene from The Godfather, do we hear...”It means Luka Garza sleeps with da’ fishes.”?!! 

If the “Run-Pass-Option" meets the band that recorded such hits as...Can’t Fight This Feeling, Keep on Loving You, Take It on the Run, and (Half-)Time for Me to Fly, is it RPO Speedwagon???!! 

If an Olympic curler intercepts the opponents "rock", does it get taken "to da' house"???!!! 


Alternative State Farm Insurance options: Stoops/Saban/Sarkisian Savings/”Solid”, Coach Cowher/Lee Corso Cost, Cam Newton/Calipari Cut-Rate, Cam Currency, Sam Darnold Discount, Harbaugh Half-Price, Sean Payton payment plan, Elway Exception, Andy Reid Reduction, Philip Rivers Rebate, Mariota/Manning /Middies Mark-Down and the Weber Kid Walk-Back!   

Meanwhile, in the really bad puns department (in no particular order), if... 

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome meets a baseball bunt-defense strategy, is it...”Bust a deal...face da’ wheel-route!” 

a Beastie Boys hit meets sports-gambling, do we hear...”You gottafight...fer yer parrrrrrr-laaaaayyyy!”??!!?


a college or high school band meets an infamous quote from the “Brady Bunch”, do we hear...”Marchin’, marchin’, marchin’!


a British swine-themed animated cartoon-series meets a California-university-based sports-team, is it da’ Peppadine Wave-Pigs??!! 

mid-majors basketball teams try to out-BBQ each other late in the season to solidify berths in the NCAA Tournament, is it called “Briquet-Busters”??!!


Marie Osmond’s diet-plan success meets former 2011 BYU hoops-star and Men’s College Basketball Player of Da’ Year Fredette meets the ‘82-’83 Houston Cougars basketball team nickname, is it...”Phi-Slimmer-Jimmer"???!!! 

Liberty Mutual insurance becomes an official sponsor of Eastern Michigan football, does the mascot become LIMU EMU???!! 

a zoo-keeper character from the Harry Potter series meets football, is his name “Hagridiron”??!!! 

a wing and a prayer pass to the EZ meets an infamous, disease-spreading historical figure...Hail Typhoid Mary?! 

Game of Thrones meets a quarterback just running-out da’ clock, does he simply “bend da’ knee”???!! 


a Vanilla Ice song meets football, do we hear “Word to yer middle-linebacker.”???!! 

Dirty Harry meets football trickeration, do wear hear...”Go ahead...fake my play!”???!!   

Food Network stalwart Casey Webb buckles up the chin-strap and dons the pads to take on various culinary-consumption challenges during episodes of “Lineman vs. Food”! 

AC/DC meets football, do we here...”For those about to tote da’ rock...we saluuuuute youuuuuu!”??!! 

a Game of Thrones locale meets a gridiron gimmick pass-play is it a...“Flea-Bottom Flicker”?! 

young college and high school offensive-linemen put their culinary-skills to the test toward $25K scholarships on the Food Network, is it...”Teen Chopped-Block"???!!! 

a popular reality TV series meets football, is it...Real House-Wide Receivers of Orange County? New York? Atlanta?! 

a certain near-Easter religious event meets a sports-related gesture/song in Athens, GA, do we hear/see “Lent da’ big ‘Dawgs eat!”???!!! 

a certain Black-music reality show meets hockey, is it called “Growin’-Up Hip-Check Hop”???!!! 

a bean-bag throwin’ competition meets hockey, does a skater score through a goalie’s “cornhole”???!! 

a Hall-of-Fame punter meets the host of “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives”, is he Ray Guy Fieri??!! 

a NY Giants quarterback worked part-time for a national insurance company; would he be “Jake Fromm State Farm”???!!! 

there’s professional hockey during a certain timeframe in August, is it...San Jose Shark Week??!! 

a dentist sends a puck across the patient’s pie-hole, did it go through the goal-mouth?! 

Richard Simmons’ exercise-videos meet hockey net-minders, is the series called “SweatinWith the Goalies”???!!! 

a movie-series about extreme car-racing meets a certain NHL goalie, is it called “Da’ Fast and Da’ Marc-Andre Fleury-us”???!!! 

an undead person protects the pipes during a hockey-game in a James Bond-flick, is he a “Ghoul-Tender”???!!! 

Kermit meets North Texas, do we hear...”It ain’t easy beinMean Green.” 

Prince's “Let’s Go Crazy” meets the Irish, would we hear “You see I called Our (old) Lady...fer a friendly word...” 


replay meets the Minions- Is there “Indespicable Me” video-evidence to overturn da’ call on da’ field?! 

a reality-show about sailing meets UNR, is it called...Below Deck: Lake Tahoe 

Before mercifully putting this season out to pasture and wandering off to help prepare Thailand’s Olympic Men’s Synchronized Snowboarding Team ahead of the upcoming Winter Games, we leave the loyal-readership with our annual Irish-blessing...”May da’ road-’dog rise up to beat you.” (Sumthin’ like that!)


Until next August...Air Forecast One has gone wheels-up!