COLLEGE
PLAYOFF TO ABSORB TRAVEL COSTS
ARLINGTON,
Texas (CNN)…The College Football Playoff has agreed
to foot the bill for travel expenses incurred by up to two family members per
player who attend the National Championship game, to a maximum of $1250 each. Following
that announcement, an anonymous pilot snickered, saying, “Just twelve-fitty?!
On our airlines, that’d buy the plane
ticket, one trip to da’ potty, half-a-can of Coke, a pillowcase and a defective
oxygen mask falling in the event of sudden-loss of altitude!” The charitable
move, however, comes with some caveats.
Passengers must fly QANTAS or Lufthansa and endure multiple changeovers
in Melbourne, London, Toronto and Mexico City before settling into hotel
accommodations at Motel 6. The small
print also suggests they’ll “leave the light
on for ya” but that’s not included in the reimbursement!
Meanwhile back in Vegas…even Ickey Woods won’t
celebrate…
THE
WEBER KID’S 2014-15 BOWL RECAP
(Relying
on North Korean proxy servers to hide its true identity!)
We finished the season the same way we started
it…poorly. Bowl picks record…2-2 in Part I, 2-4 in Part II (which included Penn
State punishing this disloyal alum, winning outright by takin’ it to Da’ House
That Ruth Buzzi Built vs. Boston
College) and 0-fer-5 in Part III ahead of the contest for the crown. Tack on
the wrong side-selection in the championship game and the final tally is 4-12
(.250). Layin’ 6 ½ with Oregon, the Ducks effortlessly took the opening
possession deftly down the field, despite a pair of near-fumbles, to score a
touchdown, making us look like a genius and led to the silver “feathers” on Oregon’s helmets eliciting images of Dexter’s kill-knives or at least Freddy
Krueger’s weapons-of-choice. But by halftime, the Mallards receiving-corps
would drop several passes and the D was unable to stop the Buckeyes’ ground
game, leaving the Quack Attack down 11 and their headgear logos more-reminiscent
of a 5-year-old’s hand-traced turkey template! When the game ended, the Drakes’
vaunted “tempo” turned out to be little more than a watered-down “tempera”
paint-job. BTW, the Lions basketball team piled-on, losing twice as small faves at
Rutgers and in Happy Valley vs. Michigan after we put money down backin’ the Alma Mater in both of those
contests! PSU did however cover +7 in
a 3-point loss at Indiana this week, which coupled with Virginia Tech’s
15-point defeat at Louisville as a 22-point ‘dog allowed us to cash another
hoops parlay. If yer scorin’ at home, the underdogs went 24-15 ATS for the bowl
season, winning 21 outright, not unlike last year’s 18-17 ATS, with 16 SU
victories. After being made the underdog 11 times in as many bowls, including Ohio
State +6 (+5 ½ at some ‘books around town) in the championship game, went 6-5 straight
up, covering 7 of ‘em! Also as mentioned, the SEC was 14-7 SU coming into this
postseason, but went just 2-2, with Wisconsin avenging its early loss to LSU by
beating Auburn in OT and Missouri getting payback for a defeat by Indiana, knocking
off Minnesota (along with OSU’s win over ‘Bama and Tennessee’s victory vs.
Iowa).
BETWEEN
THE HASHMARKS
(The preferred reading-material of Aaron Wroggers and alleged-assassin/former
Kurt Busch squeeze Patricia Driscoll!)
After notchin’ the semi-final triumph vs. the
Crimson Bridesmaid, Urban Meyer vowed to get a tattoo if his guys won the
title. Inquiring minds wanna’ know what design he’s getting done and
more-importantly, the location of said tramp-stamp. Given the talent on the OSU
roster, Coach could end up lookin’ like Robert DeNiro’s “Max Cady” from Cape Fear by the end of the decade!
A classic James Bond flick meets the college
football postseason in “Bowled-finger” (featuring an evil henchman named “Odds-Job”!)
In a reference back to last week’s lead story about
M&Ms…if fans find specially-marked free-throw
mix packages devoid of any candy-pieces bearing hoops symbols or team
logos, will they chant “Airrrrr balllll….airrrrrrrrr… ballllllllll…airrrrrrr
balllllllll……”?!
BTW, Hans und
Franz wanted to replace Aaron Rodgers with Vindy! They may want to rethink
that as our fab forecaster rehearsed…Vindy
wants to pump you up. Vindy wants to pump
you up. Vindy wants to pump you up.A late 4th Quarter penalty vs. the Ravens flashed on the TV screen as “Block in the Back- 36 Miles”. “36 Miles” was, in fact, simply the uni number and last name of the offending player, but we initially thought that after the yardage was marked off, down-and-distance for Baltimore was gonna’ be…1st-and-Cape Cod!
It had been suggested that a key to the Dallas Cowboys’
post-season success was team-stretching
via use of ballerina bars (those long rails in front of mirrors, as featured in
such film-classics as “Saturday Night Fever”). While “America’s Team” thrived
early based on “Romo & Juliet*
and Don Quixote’s “Lineman of La
Mancha”, ultimately, they ended up in Green Bay with…”The Nutcracker”!
Serena Williams credits a recent comeback in a
tennis match after dropping the initial 6-zip to courtside cup o’ Joe during a
break. Given the multitude of crazy rallies during the bowls, we think baristas
covertly changed the beverage in the Gatorade buckets to from the sports-drink
to Starbucks java!
We predict, in a rare #1 seed vs. #2 seed match-up,
the Patriots will upend the Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX
We also think that on February 2, Punxsutawney Phil
will see his shadow, portending 6 more weeks ‘til March Madness!
We caught the following Reuters headline in an
edition of the Las Review Review-Journal earlier
last month… ”Sweeping changes in
store for Olympics”, but enough about the curling
events! BTW, the South Point Casino is leading the charge to get the Nevada
Gaming Control Board to approve betting on Olympic events. If the change is
approved, Vindy’s gonna’ be first-in-line to place a futures wager on the
Columbian women’s hockey team to bring home da’ gold!
LEFTOVER
HASH (Yes, we know it’s redundant.
Vindicator now conducts the annual “emptying of the clip” and expends all the
stuff he had in the arsenal throughout the season that didn’t previously find
its way into the forecast…until now.)
Football meets a certain improv-comedy
show…”Whose Offensive Linemen Is It Anyway?!”
In August, Syracuse got the label of #1 party-school
in the U.S by The Princeton Review.
“Orange is Da’ New Jack Daniels Black???!!!”
Katy Perry has been tabbed to do the halftime show
of 2015 Super Bowl and will be joined by Robin Thicke for a rousing version of
“Blurred Lines of Scrimmage”. The underdog, will, of course, request “Dark
Horse”…and one of the two teams involved will end up singing “The One That Got
Away”! If she breaks into “Last Friday Night”, will we hear her say “I think we
passed, but I forgot…”?
This summer, Chad Johnson debuted with his new team
in CFL…the Montreal Alouettes. “Chad Ontario
Cinco”??!
ESPN sportscaster Dick Vitale was spotted at one of Elton John’s gigs in
April at Caesar’s Palace. Sensing a waning in the headliner’s performance,
Dickie V quipped…”better call a *T.O*, Blue-jean babiiiiiiiiiiiiie!”
On April 23, 2014, venerable Wrigley Field turned
100, which was also the Vegas over/under on number of games Da’ Cubbies would
put in the loss-column this past season!
Sin City hopes to eventually build a downtown arena
that will be home to a Major League Soccer club. We think “Vegas Vuvuzela
Horns” has a nice ring!
Uruguay star striker Luis Suarez said “I lost my
balance” as the excuse for biting the shoulder of Italy’s Giorgio Chiellini
during World Cup play in June. Third time he’s been penalized for biting. Vindy offered a similar reason for
biting his bookie following Week One’s disaster! We’re wonderin’ if Suarez
trains with…Mike Tyson???!! Does he get a pre-match meal???!!
Mid-November saw the District of Columbia host the
National Championship of Lady Arm Wrestlers. For fans of a certain Sly Stallone
film…had the event been held here in Vegas, we suspect it woulda’ billed as
“Over the Topless”!
A snowflake failed to morph into an Olympic ring
during the Winter Games opening ceremonies in February. Similarly, Vindy’s
Picks failed to materialize at the beginning of the 2014 season! (It was
supposed to mutate into a giant parlay card!)
BTW, the Sochi Games unveiled the debut of “team
figure skating”. We’d been more likely to tune-in had it been “tag-team” figure
skating!
“Don’t just visit Vindy’s Picks…Visit Tripadvisor Vindy’s Picks!”
Lake Superior State University (a projected #16 seed
in the upcoming 2015 NCAA Tournament….NOT!) released its 40th annual
list of words that should be banned from da’ Queen’s English “for overuse,
misuse and general uselessness”. Among the terms-in-question are…”curated”
(which we think was actually a misspelling of “carotid” [as in artery] or CURAD
[what’s the beef with ouchless-bandaids???!!!]), “takeaway” (Really?! Somebody
objects to references to turnovers?!),
“swag” (known by tabloid-reading fans of “the beautiful game” around the globe
as an acronym for “soccer wives and girlfriends” and as slang for gifts given
to college football postseason players by bowl game sponsors), “hack”
(Basketball fans unite! Who didn’t love a broadcast-commentary about
“Hack-A-Shaq” or at least “da’ hoop and da’ hack”!?) and maybe closest to
home…some sports team-hyphenated “nation” reference???!!! Being
perfectly-honest, we have never uttered or typed “Vindy-Nation”….but we’re grateful to those of you who might have!!!!
Despite the 2014-15 campaign results, we plan to
return next season with our regular full-blown format, so with all apologies to
Meghan Trainor, sing it with us….”Because
we’re all about dat’ Tays, ‘bout dat’
Tays…no trouble… we’re all about dat’
Tays, ‘bout dat’ Tays…no trouble … we’re all about dat’ Tays, ‘bout dat’ Tays…no
trouble… we’re all about dat’ Tays, Tays,
Tays, Tays..…we’re bringin’ Vindy
baaaaaaaack!!” (Still better than bein’ all about da’ taze!). Or if ya remember a diminutive Boston College QB well-known
for a famous Hail Mary touchdown… ”We’re bringin’ Flutie baaaaaaaaaaaaack!”And with that, Sportsfans…we leave you, until August, with our traditional Irish blessing…”May the road ‘dog rise up to beat you.” (Somethin’ like that!)
Air
Forecast One has gone “wheels up”!
