Thursday, September 24, 2020

Vindy's Picks Week 4-2020

NFL FOOTBALL OPENS IN SIN CITY

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (TMZ)...The team formerly-known-as the Oakland Raiders made its debut this past Monday at the newly-constructed Allegiant Stadium against the New Orleans Saints. With the blessing of other organization big-wigs, the venue was recently nicknamed the “Death Star” by team-owner Mark Davis. Head Coach Jon Gruden was quoted as saying, in his best Clark Gable voice, “Frankly, Boba Fett...I don’t give a damn about Star Wars”. Davis eventually confronted Gruden, referring to him as Obi Jon Kenobi, in his best Darth Vader-voice, telling the coach, “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” (though he was unable to make Gruden submit to the unseen throat-choking-grip). Viewers, during the Monday Night Football match, saw replicas of Stormtroopers, Ton-Tons and droids in the stands. In fact, eagle-eyed fans caught a glimpse of a Yoda-likeness barely peering just-above the stadium-seat in front of it! Sadly, we did a little choking of our own, managing just a sub-par 2-3 outing last week (6-2, .750). We’re lettin’ da’ clock run down to the two-mask warning ahead of...

THE WEBER KID’S 2020 WEEK 4 FORECAST

(“These aren’t the spreads yer lookin’ for.”)

SAT. SEP. 26

Kansas State (+26 ½) over #3 OKLAHOMA: In an earlier week of da’ Picks, we foresaw Clemson coming-out guns-blazing to erase the bad-taste of the national-title contest loss to LSU. That prediction didn’t pan-out. Likewise, Sooners suffered a similar-demise in the CFP vs. the Bayou Bengals. We’re reversing-course. Wildcats had the dubious-distinction of being one of a trio of B12 clubs that got their passes handed to ‘em by Fun Belt squads on September 12, dropping a 35-31 decision vs. Arkansas State. Okies weren’t tested in 48-0 blow-out of I-AA Mizzou State and line-up fer their real contest this Saturday...OK 37 KSU 21

Mississippi State @ #6 LSU (“over 54 ½”): Our initial-look at Burrow-less Bengals. Ed Orgeron made no friends amongst the LSU administration after blabbing that “most” of his team had contracted the ‘Rona. Not many first-stringers back from last season’s national championship squad, but Coach O, in his fourth year at the helm, has his guys on the field. We read an SEC preview somewhere online in which the writer labeled the Bulldogs campaign a “tire-fire”. Mike Leach takes over as HC for the Bulldogs, who’ve covered one of last seven getting points away from Starkville. Tygahs have only a trek to Vandy on-deck. In 2019, MSU permitted 56 @ Auburn, 49 at A&M, 38 @ ‘Bama and 38 vs. Louisville in the bowl-loss...LSU 41 Canines 20

#9 Texas @ TEXAS TECH (“under 69”): Under now-4th-year HC Tom Herman, Steers have made steady progress in ppg on O. Unfortunately, the scoring-D has gone bizarro-world opposite direction, but should be solid in 2020, as represented by 59-3 triumph vs. UTEP to begin the season. Guns Up tallied only four wins last year, but like UT, is expected to be better on the stop-side. Mere 35-33 victory over I-AA Houston Baptist (on the failure of HBU’s late missed two-point conversion) does not give us the warm-and-fuzzy, but we’re not comfortable layin’ da’ juice with the Cattle...Hook ‘Em 35 Red Raiders 24

#22 Army (+11 ½) over #14 CINCINNATI: POSSIBLE UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Keydets already have two decisive victories notched (though both at home and neither against anyone special [Middle Tennessee and Weeziana-Cornrow]), but the I-A live-fire contests would seem to give to them the advantage over Bearkats’ squad, who was not challenged in lone game vs. FCS Austin Peay (55-20). Army is 2-0 SU/ATS, with two “unders” (both posted-totals in mid-fifties). Long Grey Line is poised for nice return after putting just five wins in the straight-up column in 2019. Cincy, who’s won 22 of last 27 on the scoreboard, but gone just-okay 15-10-2 ATS last two campaigns, needs more discipline after being a season-long flag-fest last year. Two of Bearkats’ three outright defeats coming-in came vs. Memphis. Having played Navy in the Arkham Asylum Conference, Cincinnati has seen Navy’s version of the option, but...UC 28 Platoon 27

#20 VIRGINIA TECH (-3 ½) over NC State: Tech takes the field fer da’ first-time in earnest after previous match went away under public heath-conditions that pushed-out the original 9/12 match-up. Pack was fortunate to dodge defeat at hands of majorly-inexperienced Demon Deacons offense that bashed da’ scoreboard fer 42 in 45-42 win. Hokies have been lousy home-chalk, showing 3-8 in that role the past two-outings, but bring back 18 returning-starters while State shows just 5 back on defense from 2019 squad...VT 34 NC State 17

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS

BTW, a late change-of-plans saw local Las Vegas musical group The Killers replaced by the Mos Eisley Cantina Band as the halftime-show! Following-up on last week’s lead story...we made a killing selling our decades-old collection of Chuck-E-Cheese tokens! Excitement and anticipation quickly turned into panic as Vin damaged the ceiling of the currently-shuttered locals' Eldorado casino, that includes a small-sportsbook, after use of helium balloons went awry during a virtual Vindy’s Picks- Reveal Party! The control-nozzle on a helium machine used to fill balloons announcing the selections inexplicably broke-off, saturating the venue with gas and over-inflating balloons to the point of bursting, sending our flustered-forecaster and his camera-crew rushing to exits while sounding like a Munchkin-scene from “Wizard of Oz”! Thankfully, no injuries were reported. Film at Eleven!

Wake Forest’s host-match this weekend vs. da' Frightenin’ Irish has been postponed due to an outbreak of...well...you know...in the shadow of Touchdown Jesus. Vindy’s spies report the confessionals in South Bend are now being occupied by appropriately-clothed mannequins behind the screens, while students fess-up to their errant- ways, saying things like...”Forgive me, Father...for I have sinned...I wore my face-covering below my nose at Saturday’s game.”

Given the usual-plethora of COVID-19 assessment questions, are athletes, before being admitted to practice-facilities or the actual field-of-play, being asked “Have you been outside the United States in the past 14 plays”???!!!

Pardon our previous-ignorance, but when we saw one of the Cleveland MLB team’s nicknames back in the day as Naps, we pictured a club that instead of the 7th-inning stretch, busted-out towels/blankets on the diamond to catch forty-winks! Based on the fact that the nickname originated from a top-player whose name was “Napoleon”, we can also surmise its hurlers always kept one hand inside their uniform while deliverin’ a pitch!

Back in February, Knights owner Bill Foley declared the Henderson-based minor league squad could potentially be called “Silver Knights”. He did not, however, rule-out “Tin” or “Aluminum” Knights! The latter, of course, woulda’ facilitated a sponsorship by Reynolds Wrap!

Wish We Had It Back: Yep, we called it! LOUISVILLE –2 ½ over Miami, as the Redbirds lost outright 47-34!

Black Shirt: This week’s Terrific Tee goes to Navy kicker Daniel Davies fer 33-yard-FG with about two-minutes left to give the Middies (+8) the serious-comeback win at Tulane, validating one of two correct “best bet” choices!!

Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 6-2 (.750) Kansas @ BAYLOR “over 59 ½”, Tulane –3 over SUDDEN MISSED, Duke @ VIRGINIA “under 45 ½” (Yeah, we know. Generally, we offer four wagers here, but we just didn’t find anything else we were at least semi-confident in.)

Next Week...our musings on...the 2020 NFL Draft! (Yer gonna’ like that one!)

Wednesday, September 16, 2020

Vindy's Picks Week 3-2020

LEGAL TENDER DEFICIT ALTERS GRIDIRON PROCEDURE 

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia (UPI)…The current pandemic led the Department of the Treasury, which oversees the local U.S. Mint, to declare a national coin-shortage. As a result, referees at various levels have been left scrambling and scurrying to find suitable replacements to determine the initial-possession at any given football game. Grocery stores, banks and fast-food establishments, among other vendors and businesses, have implemented debit/credit card or exact-change-only policies. In fact, some referees have resorted to tossing dollar-bills or wooden nickels. At least one officiating-crew was spotted scouring an antiques store in search of vintage soda-bottle caps and Las Vegas casino managers have anonymously-confirmed multitudes of high schools, colleges, and even the National Football League, have contacted them regarding acquisition of poker chips!

Our not-so-prestigious prognosticator opened the 2020 campaign with a “meh”-rated 2-2 (.500) try, but those who put any faith at all in our “best-bets” enuff to fork-over some paper-moolah were duly-rewarded as those choices went a sparking 4-0! Featuring Mike Perrera in da' booth, it’s...

THE WEBER KID’S 2020 WEEK 3 FORECAST 
 (Now available for delivery and curb-offside-pick-six-up!)

SAT. SEPT. 19

South Florida @ #7 NOTRE DAME (“under 50 ½”): Vaunted Irish QB Ian Sportsbook and company floundered early on offense against Duke (see our “Black Shirt” segment below), while Bulls didn’t exactly overwhelm I-AA Citadel in 27-6 snoozer. The bottom fell outta’ USF’s offense last season by more than 100 ypg, resulting in 4-8 campaign. No indication that’s been fixed. If ya like takin’ da’ points (+25 as we go to press), Marc Lawrence has South Florida covering last 8 getting more than 7 away vs. a non-conference foe. BTW, Vindy’s spies have revealed that the banner over the tunnel that leads into Notre Dame Stadium now reads “Wash Yer Hands Like A Champion Today”! ...Leprechauns 29 USF 13 

Tulsa @ #11 OKLAHOMA STATE (“Over 66”): We erroneously had this one being played in Week 2. So be it. Nothing has occurred (not even the increased total) to make us change our thoughts, so we’ll just re-print that puppy... Golden Hurricane has steadily improved it’s SU-win total the past few seasons from 2 in 2017 to 3 in 2018 to 4 in 2019 and Marc Lawrence shows Tulsa covering eleven of past dozen versus a better-than-.600 opponent. Cowpokes look poised to make a significant jump and bring back 10 on the stop-squad, but Tulsa D looks like swiss-cheese early, while a solid-O awaits its turn... State 44 Gilded Blow-Hards 30 

#14 Central Florida (-7 ½) over GEORGIA TECH: Bees’ (+11 ½) upset at Florida State did not get them enough recognition to crack the AP Top 25 (#28 with 69 votes; though Coaches Poll was a bit kinder, stranding Wreck at #26 with 97 tallies). No diss to the Insects, but Seminoles have lost on the scoreboard three straight openers facing better-opposition. Tech has 19 returning starters back following three-win campaign that included a 2019 defeat at the hands of FCS Citadel. Golden Knights of UCF have pocketed 22 of last 26 under third-year Coach Heupel. Jackets, meanwhile, will spend the week focusing on the kicking-game in light of Tribe rejecting a pair of three-point-tries!...UCF 44 Wasps 27

#18 LOUISVILLE (-2 ½) over #17 Miami: No faith in this pick. Best guess fer “wish we had it back”. With Brigham Young @ ARMY being deferred to another time, this is the lone contest between two ranked squads. We seriously-contemplated the “under 62”. Both covered double-digit spreads in their 2020 starts (though neither impressively). ‘Canes off first SU-losing year since 2014 as the ground-game suffered a nose-dive. Redbirds have had this one circled since 52-27 loss in 2019 to the Pelicans. Coach Satterfield directed Cardinals from 2-10 to 8-5 in his rookie-outing as HC...Sluggers 21 ‘Canes 17 

GEORGIA STATE (+17) over #19 UL-Lafayette: Cajuns managed their first-ever away-triumph against a ranked-opponent, decisively, behind some nice kick-returns over then-#25 Dust Devils of Iowa State. The victors’ joyful-response on the field was subdued because “we expect that”. We cry “Horse-hockey!” Early pass-drops doomed ISU (though at –10 ½, the lines-makers weren’t all-in on the pre-season hype for the Cyclones). Behind closed-doors, ya know it was Mardi Gras 2.0! Panthers bring back 16 starters and should be much-improved over D that granted 36 ppg and dropped 4 tilts by more than this in 2019. Lafayette now 12-3 SU in past 15 contests and per Marc Lawrence, has covered six-straight laying points on the road. Something has to give...ULL 34 Joja’ State 24 

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS 

BTW, is anybody else out there waiting to hear...”Good afternoon, Gentlemen. Today, we’ll be using a commemorative 2020-‘coin’. The Coronavirus particle represents ‘heads’, the Asian Murder-Hornet will represent ‘tails’......the host-team has won da’ toss and will defer the pandemic to the second-half.”

With social-distancing protocols in-place on the field, will linemen need to maintain a six-foot buffer between each other? Talk about a spread-offense! Will every snap then predictably come from da’ shot-gun?! Will there be “face-covering penalties”???!!!...”Unsportsmanlike-conduct, number 54..
defense...taunting...lowering da’ face-covering after da’ play.” 

During Sunday’s NFL season-opener, Derek Carr included the name of Coach Gruden’s wife in his signal-calling on a play vs. the Panthers. Sources close to the team have confirmed the Raiders’ QB will bark-out “Vindy’s Picks” as an audible in the upcoming Monday-Nighter against Da’ Saints! 

 Is it just a matter of time before proactive-vendors start offerin’ to buy advertising-space on the masks work by coaches, officials and team-staffers?! 

 Last month, former Olympic speed-skater Eddy Alvarez assumed the diamond for the first time fer the Marlins. While ice-skates don’t function nearly as well on dirt as they do on ice, the Sochi silver-medalist turned a bloop-single into three runs-scored, all on his own, before the ball was even fielded

 In July, a Magic City dancer claimed she performed for Lou Williams, disputing the Clippers guard’s assertion he was “in-and-out" of the establishment, merely acquiring some chicken wings. Once back on the court, did the player hit “nothin’ but nylons”...”nothin’ but fishnets”?! Did Coach punish him by making him run extra lap-dances?! 

Given the excessive-number of penalty-calls during the Carolina Hurricanes- NY Rangers play-in round of the NHL in August, we’re inclined to believe the *officials* on the ice were cardboard cut-outs on skates and whose raised-hands were manipulated by team-staffers in the stands! Akin to what used-to-be the automatic “clipping- penalty on any NFL kick-off! 

Hooray Fer Da’ Little Guy: Guns-Up of Texas Tech survived a failed late 4th-Quarter two-point conversion to escape FCS Houston Baptist 35-33, while Joja’ Sudden went all-Matrix and dodged the bullet in 27-26 win vs. Campbell! 

Black Shirt: This season’s inaugural exceptional ebony-tee goes to Notre Dame offensive coordinator Tommy Rees for orchestrating a consecutive trio of three-and-outs to open the match vs. Duke, helping keep the final tally “under 53 ½”! In fact, the Blue Devils out-yarded (is that a word?!) Our Lady on offense 151-13 in the first-stanza! 

Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets: Last Week: 4-0 (1.000) Season: 4-0 (1.000) Liberty @ WESTERN KENTUCKY “under 53 ½”, Navy +7 ½ over TULANE, Troy @ MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE “over 64 ½”, Southern Methadone –14 over NORTH TEXAS

Friday, September 11, 2020

Vindy's Picks Week 2-2020 Forecast

SIN CITY SOOTHSAYER EJECTED FROM COURT-ROOM

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia (REUTERS)...Leaked-records, months after-the-fact, reveal the Vegas Vindicator, on-site in the Nation’s Capital to watch Supreme Court-proceedings involving an age-discrimination case, got himself ousted from the gallery. Immediately-after John Roberts spouted the phrase “Okay, Boomer.”, never-previously-heard in said-venue, the prestigious-prognosticator briefly-interrupted the Chief Justice, asking if the reference was to former Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Esiason, ESPN broadcaster Chris Berman or Oklahoma’s covered-wagon Schooner! Not-amused, Roberts quickly held the Vindicator in contempt of tennis-court and instructed the bailiff to escort the obnoxious-oracle to a nearby holding-cell. Rarin’-to-go following an offseason spent recovering from the Daytona500virus while washin’ his hand-offs and flattening his curve-ball between cameo appearances on Detroit Tiger King and no ranked teams playing until now, Vindy breaks the huddle with his 2020 Preseason Forecasting Strategy Team of...fired former Boston Red Sox manager Alex Cora; Ryan Diaz, Mayor of Seltzer, Pennsylvania; the Houston Astros, Sonic da’ Hedgehog, Darryl the Progressive Insurance Big-Foot, Joe Exotic, NFL 5th-round draft-pick from Marshall Kicker Justin Wahrwasser, Quickbooks’ Koala-Kai Dojo, U.S. astronauts Doug Hurley and Bob Behnken, Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB Tom Brady, Liberty Mutual’s Limu da’ Emu, Baby Shark, Baby Yoda, First Presidential Sister Maryanne Trump Barry and GEICO’s “Aunt Joanie” to present...

THE WEBER KID’S 2020 WEEK 2 FORECAST

  (Now available in China on TikTok!)

SAT. SEPT. 12

#1 Clemson (-32 ½) over WAKE FOREST: The Revenant Reverends will bear the brunt of an offseason-long frustration brewing since Clemson’s epic melt-down, especially on defense, as the Tigers collectively coughed-up 42 points in loss to LSU in the National Championship game (For those who’ve forgotten, Vindy correctly had the Bayou Bengals -6 in that one!). That was the most points-allowed by CU since 2016 mid-season 43-42 defeat at Pitt and to further put that in perspective, Tigers were allowing paltry 11.5 ppg in the previous 14 matches ahead of the contest vs. State. Deacs lost 55-3 last year and return just 3 on offense. “Under 60 ½” would be worth a look here too...Spiccoli & Company 49 Devils 0

#3 Alabama: IDLE (next @ Missouri 9/26)

#4 Georgia: IDLE (next @ Arkansas 9/26)

Missouri State @ #5 OKLAHOMA: No line.

#6 LSU: IDLE (next vs. Mississippi State 9/26)

#8 Florida: IDLE (next vs. Ole Miss 9/26)

Duke @ #10 NOTRE DAME (“under 53 ½"): Hard-pressed to lay about three-touchdowns with Our Lady here, despite the early-season hype for an improved running-game. Irish are also a bit short on returning defensive starters, but yielded just 18 ppg in each of the past two seasons, as they seek 4th-straight year of DD outright wins. Devils went 5-7 in 2019 and hopefully there’s been some focus on ball-security during practices as Marc Lawrence noted Blue Beezlebubs were 4th-worst nationally in fumbles-lost last season...Leprechauns 29 Duke 10

#11 Auburn: IDLE (next vs. Kentucky 9/26)

#13 Texas A&M: IDLE (next vs. Vanderbilt 9/26)

Texas-El Paso (+43) over #14 TEXAS: Horns’ have improved points-scored but points-permitted has also gone up in each of the past previous two campaigns. Just can’t, in all good conscience, lay this many with Steers squad that has covered da-spread-in-question by this many just one time in last 10 years, factoring-in a fire-sale on assistant coaches during the lay-off, besting perennial punching-bag New Mexico State 56-7 in 2016, and haven’t been within grenade-range of covering in the other nine. As poor as they’ve been outright (back-to-back one-victory seasons, preceded by a winless-outing in 2017), Miners, in their third-year under Coach Dama Dimel, show reasonable 6-10-2 away-dog ATS record and haven’t been on the wrong-end of this kinda’-margin since mid-2016 66-14 home-loss to Army!...Cattle 41 UTEP 10

Tulsa @ #15 OKLAHOMA STATE (“over 61”): Golden Hurricane has steadily improved it’s SU-win total the past few seasons from 2 in 2017 to 3 in 2018 to 4 in 2019 and Marc Lawrence shows Tulsa covering eleven of past dozen versus a better-than-.600 opponent. Cowpokes look poised to make a significant jump and bring back 10 on the stop-squad, but Tulsa D looks like swiss-cheese early, while a solid-O awaits its turn...State 44 Gilded Blow-Hards 30

#18 NORTH CAROLINA (-20 ½) over Syracuse: Carolina’s re-signing of HC Mack Brown produced instant results in the form of a five-game SU-win improvement over 2018! Heels almost (our father used to say “Almost is only useful in ‘horseshoes and hand-grenades'”) toppled national-championship runner-up Clemson in 21-20 demise last season while making definitive-strides in ultimate 7-6 outing. UNC bettered the offensive-output by 6 ppg and trimmed points-permitted by 10 ppg. Carolina dropped all half-dozen defeats by a single-possession. Last meeting was a 40-37 triumph by the Orange at the carrier Dome in 2018. That should provide sufficient bulletin-board material inn Chapel Hill for this one. ‘Cuse are down defensively this time-around and have new coordinators on both sides of the ball...UNC 40 Orange 16

#20 Cincinnati: IDLE (next vs. Austin Peay 9/19)

#21 Central Florida: IDLE (next @ Georgia Tech 9/19)

Louisiana-Lafayette @ #23 IOWA STATE (-10 ½) (56 ½): Pass.

#25 Tennessee: IDLE (next @ South Carolina 9/26)

BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS

BTW, not long after his incarceration, Vindy ran a post-bail route and got released on his own-recognizance!

Fer inquiring-mimes that wanna’ know...our preseason forecasting strategy-team practices were held without spectators at an otherwise-abandoned Mar-a-Lago, graciously-donated to us by the POTUS after taking some heat fer originally-planning a G-7 Summit at said-resort! (BTW, there were plenty of separate rooms, so meetings via Microsoft Teams or ZOOM weren’t necessary!)

As we note this time each year, from 1993-2008, at least two teams unranked in the AP preseason poll finished in the final AP poll that same season. In 2009, only Cincinnati did so, and in 2010, only Stanford pulled that off. 2011 saw no qualifiers! But 2012 saw a return-to-form, with Notre Dame (#26 preseason) and Texas A&M (no votes in the preseason poll) finishing 4th and 6th, respectively, after opening the season without a hashtag by their names. 2013 had four (count ‘em, four!) make da’ cut...title-game loser #2 Auburn, #3 Michigan State (which was #26 in the preseason poll), #5 Mizzou and #10 Central Florida. TCU ended the 2014-15 season at #3, while Joja’ Tech came in at #8. Da’ Coogs of Houston and da’ Iowa Hawkeyes, who grabbed no votes whatsoever in da’ 2015 initial poll, finished at #38 and #9, respectively. In 2016, the Wisky Badgers were unranked in the #28-hole (21 tallies), but closed at 39, while da’ Alma Mater warranted zero “Ayes”, yet went home to #7. In 2017, neither Central Florida nor TCU (opened at #26 with 98 votes) got any August-love, but closed-out at #6 (second time in five years fer da’ Golden Knights!) and #9, respectively. In 2018, initially-sportin' da’ Romulan cloaking-device, Florida and Wazzou stood-in at #7 (again!) and #10 respectively in the final AP rankings! Last season, the Gilded Gerbils of Minnesota, started the year more than a Baker’s Dozen from the rankings, but made the cut at #10 in the final rankings! And upon further review...goin’ back to 2002, a minimum of one team in the AP Preseason Top Ten each season has finished outside da’ rankings in the final AP Poll fer that year. Then-#8 Miami AP Preseason Top 10 finished with nary-an-*aye* in 2019 Final AP Poll! Then-#9 Auburn finished at #32 garnering 15 tallies, while then-#4 Wisconsin got all of two ballots. Yer mission...should ya’ choose to accept it, is to figure-out who da’ posers are among…Clemson, Ohio State, Alabama, Georgia, Oklahoma, LSU, Penn State, Florida, Oregon and Notre Dame! (Disclaimer: the Buckeyes, Nifty Lions and Ducks have already thrown in the towel on a Fall season, so that narrows the choices!)

FYI...publication of this year’s AP preseason-rankings were held-up temporarily due to the use of Shadow, the same app that flustered results of the Iowa caucus!

Takin’ a page from the Oregon Ducks’ playbook, Vindy will use a quad of signs featuring a variety of symbols and images, includin’ Hollywood Squares, to signal-in betting-plays. In fact, spoiler-alert, we’re offerin’-up Paul Lynde for da’ kick-block!

Vindy comes to the position of attention and renders a warm-salute to Army...which notched its first shut-out in 2 ½ years with 42-0 over Middle Tennessee and second in 8 ½ years since 2012 season-finale. Making it all the more-impressive...da’ Blue Raiders haven’t been white-washed on offense since 2012 finale!

BTW, this week on the Silver Screen...FBI-agent Keanu Reeves pursues Patrick Swayze as a rogue Keydet/surfer in “West Point-Break" COVID-19 has created new statistical-categories...success on down-and-social distance, as well as yards-after-contact-tracing! More thoughts on the topic in Week 3!

No fans were in attendance for this year’s delayed Run Fer Da’ Roses as “Authentic” upset race-fave “Tiz Da’ Law”, but there were plenty of lovely cut-outs of oversized-bonnets and mint-juleps in da’ stands!

Hooray fer Da’ Little Guy: Hats-off to FCS-preseason-unranked Stephen F. Austin for mere 24-14 loss at UTEP and Da’ Bears of then #11 Central Arkansas for shootout-defeat 45-35 at UAB. Up next: Eastern Kentucky @ WEST VIRGINIA, Citadel @ SOUTH FLORIDA, Campbell @ JOJA’ SUDDEN, Austin Peay @ PITT, Mizzou State @ #OKLAHOMA and Houston Baptist @ TEXAS TECH.

In February, two Little League baseball teams in California banned the “Astros”-moniker in light of the whole sign-stealin'-thing. Both clubs, did however, reportedly-adopt the nickname Ass-Trolls!

The pandemic left bettors with little to wager on except Korean baseball and Russian Periodic-Table Tennis!

Shoppe Talk: Last Season: Wisconsin (1-6, .142), Florida (2-6, .250), Utah 2-5 (.285), Auburn (2-5-2, .285). With the Badgers and Utes on the bench until further notice, the Tigers and Gators are now officially on notice! We’ll be watchin’!

Vindy’s Week 2 Best Bets: Last Season: 32-67 (.561) UL-Monroe @ ARMY “under 55 ½”, Coastal Carolina +4 over KANSAS, Texas-San Antonio +7 over TEXAS STATE, SOUTH ALABAMA +9 over Tulane

Up next...more offseason silliness, commentary on playoffs for other sports and some thoughts on...the No Face-Covering League!