LEGAL TENDER DEFICIT ALTERS GRIDIRON PROCEDURE
WASHINGTON, District of Columbia (UPI)…The current pandemic led the Department of the Treasury, which oversees the local U.S. Mint, to declare a national coin-shortage. As a result, referees at various levels have been left scrambling and scurrying to find suitable replacements to determine the initial-possession at any given football game. Grocery stores, banks and fast-food establishments, among other vendors and businesses, have implemented debit/credit card or exact-change-only policies. In fact, some referees have resorted to tossing dollar-bills or wooden nickels. At least one officiating-crew was spotted scouring an antiques store in search of vintage soda-bottle caps and Las Vegas casino managers have anonymously-confirmed multitudes of high schools, colleges, and even the National Football League, have contacted them regarding acquisition of poker chips!
Our not-so-prestigious prognosticator opened the 2020 campaign with a “meh”-rated 2-2 (.500) try, but those who put any faith at all in our “best-bets” enuff to fork-over some paper-moolah were duly-rewarded as those choices went a sparking 4-0! Featuring Mike Perrera in da' booth, it’s...
THE WEBER KID’S 2020 WEEK 3 FORECAST
(Now available for delivery and curb-offside-pick-six-up!)
SAT. SEPT. 19
South Florida @ #7 NOTRE DAME (“under 50 ½”): Vaunted Irish QB Ian Sportsbook and company floundered early on offense against Duke (see our “Black Shirt” segment below), while Bulls didn’t exactly overwhelm I-AA Citadel in 27-6 snoozer. The bottom fell outta’ USF’s offense last season by more than 100 ypg, resulting in 4-8 campaign. No indication that’s been fixed. If ya like takin’ da’ points (+25 as we go to press), Marc Lawrence has South Florida covering last 8 getting more than 7 away vs. a non-conference foe. BTW, Vindy’s spies have revealed that the banner over the tunnel that leads into Notre Dame Stadium now reads “Wash Yer Hands Like A Champion Today”! ...Leprechauns 29 USF 13
Tulsa @ #11 OKLAHOMA STATE (“Over 66”): We erroneously had this one being played in Week 2. So be it. Nothing has occurred (not even the increased total) to make us change our thoughts, so we’ll just re-print that puppy... Golden Hurricane has steadily improved it’s SU-win total the past few seasons from 2 in 2017 to 3 in 2018 to 4 in 2019 and Marc Lawrence shows Tulsa covering eleven of past dozen versus a better-than-.600 opponent. Cowpokes look poised to make a significant jump and bring back 10 on the stop-squad, but Tulsa D looks like swiss-cheese early, while a solid-O awaits its turn... State 44 Gilded Blow-Hards 30
#14 Central Florida (-7 ½) over GEORGIA TECH: Bees’ (+11 ½) upset at Florida State did not get them enough recognition to crack the AP Top 25 (#28 with 69 votes; though Coaches Poll was a bit kinder, stranding Wreck at #26 with 97 tallies). No diss to the Insects, but Seminoles have lost on the scoreboard three straight openers facing better-opposition. Tech has 19 returning starters back following three-win campaign that included a 2019 defeat at the hands of FCS Citadel. Golden Knights of UCF have pocketed 22 of last 26 under third-year Coach Heupel. Jackets, meanwhile, will spend the week focusing on the kicking-game in light of Tribe rejecting a pair of three-point-tries!...UCF 44 Wasps 27
#18 LOUISVILLE (-2 ½) over #17 Miami: No faith in this pick. Best guess fer “wish we had it back”. With Brigham Young @ ARMY being deferred to another time, this is the lone contest between two ranked squads. We seriously-contemplated the “under 62”. Both covered double-digit spreads in their 2020 starts (though neither impressively). ‘Canes off first SU-losing year since 2014 as the ground-game suffered a nose-dive. Redbirds have had this one circled since 52-27 loss in 2019 to the Pelicans. Coach Satterfield directed Cardinals from 2-10 to 8-5 in his rookie-outing as HC...Sluggers 21 ‘Canes 17
GEORGIA STATE (+17) over #19 UL-Lafayette: Cajuns managed their first-ever away-triumph against a ranked-opponent, decisively, behind some nice kick-returns over then-#25 Dust Devils of Iowa State. The victors’ joyful-response on the field was subdued because “we expect that”. We cry “Horse-hockey!” Early pass-drops doomed ISU (though at –10 ½, the lines-makers weren’t all-in on the pre-season hype for the Cyclones). Behind closed-doors, ya know it was Mardi Gras 2.0! Panthers bring back 16 starters and should be much-improved over D that granted 36 ppg and dropped 4 tilts by more than this in 2019. Lafayette now 12-3 SU in past 15 contests and per Marc Lawrence, has covered six-straight laying points on the road. Something has to give...ULL 34 Joja’ State 24
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, is anybody else out there waiting to hear...”Good afternoon, Gentlemen. Today, we’ll be using a commemorative 2020-‘coin’. The Coronavirus particle represents ‘heads’, the Asian Murder-Hornet will represent ‘tails’......the host-team has won da’ toss and will defer the pandemic to the second-half.”
With social-distancing protocols in-place on the field, will linemen need to maintain a six-foot buffer between each other? Talk about a spread-offense! Will every snap then predictably come from da’ shot-gun?! Will there be “face-covering penalties”???!!!...”Unsportsmanlike-conduct, number 54..
defense...taunting...lowering da’ face-covering after da’ play.”
During Sunday’s NFL season-opener, Derek Carr included the name of Coach Gruden’s wife in his signal-calling on a play vs. the Panthers. Sources close to the team have confirmed the Raiders’ QB will bark-out “Vindy’s Picks” as an audible in the upcoming Monday-Nighter against Da’ Saints!
Is it just a matter of time before proactive-vendors start offerin’ to buy advertising-space on the masks work by coaches, officials and team-staffers?!
Last month, former Olympic speed-skater Eddy Alvarez assumed the diamond for the first time fer the Marlins. While ice-skates don’t function nearly as well on dirt as they do on ice, the Sochi silver-medalist turned a bloop-single into three runs-scored, all on his own, before the ball was even fielded!
In July, a Magic City dancer claimed she performed for Lou Williams, disputing the Clippers guard’s assertion he was “in-and-out" of the establishment, merely acquiring some chicken wings. Once back on the court, did the player hit “nothin’ but nylons”...”nothin’ but fishnets”?! Did Coach punish him by making him run extra lap-dances?!
Given the excessive-number of penalty-calls during the Carolina Hurricanes- NY Rangers play-in round of the NHL in August, we’re inclined to believe the *officials* on the ice were cardboard cut-outs on skates and whose raised-hands were manipulated by team-staffers in the stands! Akin to what used-to-be the automatic “clipping- penalty on any NFL kick-off!
Hooray Fer Da’ Little Guy: Guns-Up of Texas Tech survived a failed late 4th-Quarter two-point conversion to escape FCS Houston Baptist 35-33, while Joja’ Sudden went all-Matrix and dodged the bullet in 27-26 win vs. Campbell!
Black Shirt: This season’s inaugural exceptional ebony-tee goes to Notre Dame offensive coordinator Tommy Rees for orchestrating a consecutive trio of three-and-outs to open the match vs. Duke, helping keep the final tally “under 53 ½”! In fact, the Blue Devils out-yarded (is that a word?!) Our Lady on offense 151-13 in the first-stanza!
Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets: Last Week: 4-0 (1.000) Season: 4-0 (1.000)
Liberty @ WESTERN KENTUCKY “under 53 ½”, Navy +7 ½ over TULANE, Troy @ MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE “over 64 ½”, Southern Methadone –14 over NORTH TEXAS
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