Thursday, November 29, 2018

Vindy's Picks 2018 Championship Week

HONOLULU, Hawai’i (TMZ)…In 2017, Rainbow Warriors head-coach Nick Rolovich acquired an Elvis look-a-like to perform at the Mountain West Conference media-day outing. This year, Coach provided a Britney Spears impersonator to lend a little entertainment to the annual-gathering. Now, just in time for the holidays, in conjunction with Warner Records, a compilation of tunes sung by those performers is being released. Lyrics from the King include, “You ain’t nuthin’ but an underdog...cryin all the ain’t never caught a screen-pass...and you ain’t nooooo friennnnd of miiiiine!” and “I field-goal so lonnnelyba-by..I field-goal so lonnnely...I field-goal so lonely..field-goal try.” From the former-Mouseketeer-turned-pop star, we’ll hear...”I’m a TD-in-a-bottleba-by...” and “Oops...Iiii..dropped it again...”. Thousands are said to have braved Black Friday crowds and hours-long lines to get their hands on the CDs, which also contain a special-bonus track of the late Don-Ho crooning “Tiny Bubble-Screens"! 
Despite a 1-0 buffer entering Friday’s tilts and a 3-2 advantage ahead of Saturday’s kick-offs, we couldn’t prevent da’ late-season fatigue and crawled to an 8-12 finish (our 4th-losing week in last 6 tries), bringing the season record to...uggghh...113-122-4 (.481). Pullin’ da’ “okie-doke” to make da’ bookies miss with... 
                                    THE WEBER KID’S 2018 CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK FORECAST 
(Divin’ headlong “into da’ Spider-verse"!) 
FRI. NOV. 30 
#17 Utah (+5) over #10 Washington: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Sled Dogs won 21-7 in Seattle earlier in the year, but posted first spread-win since late-September last week. UDUB took 7 of 9 PAC-12 contests outright, but covered just two. Utes are 6-3 SUATS in conference play.  Utah, off 8-point Holy War victory looking fer first conference-crown in its first appearance in the title-match. They get it...Utah 26 Huskies 24 
Buffalo (-3 ½) over Northern Illinois: The coin likes...Bulls 27 Huskies 17 

#4 Georgia (+13) over #1 Alabama: Pachyderms’ closest MOV to-date was 24-zilch victory over Mississippi State at Bryant-Denny. ‘Dawgs will, of course, use last year’s 26-23 National Title contest, in extras, as the rally-cry here. Joja’ went 5-4 against the number vs. the SEC-slate, but spotted double-digits in almost all of ‘em. These two squads are combined 16-5 “over” the total, but just three of UGA’s games surpassed this number (64 ½).  Evil Empire has covered 6 of 8 on neutral-ground, while Georgia’s beaten da’line in 7 of last 8 similar-locales. Even if Clemson demolishes unranked-Pitt, a mere-triumph over Top-4 Dawgs’ solidifies Tide’s pinnacle-spot in CFP vs. whomever ends-up at #4...Crimson Elephants 31 Canines 27 
#2 Clemson (-27) over Pittsburgh: Tigers, likely to face Our Lady and style-points are irrelevant here unless Pachyderms lose to ‘Dawgs. Nonetheless, we’ll call...Tigers 45 Panthers 13 
#9 Texas (+8 ½) over #5 Oklahoma: Rematch of wild Longhorns’ 48-45 win in Red River Rivalry, in which UT held-off furious 4th Quarter comeback-try to win it with less than :10 on the clock! Steers on 2-4 spread-skein, but all as chalkSpooners still have remote hopes of playoff berth, but 2-7 ATS past 9 on neutral sites. Upset alert, but that’s as far as we’ll go and we anticipate better effort from Texas-D late...Oklahoma 30 Cattle 27 
#6 Ohio State vs. #21 Northwestern (“under 60 ½”): Buckeyes looked more like “Bama in rout of Michigan! State is fitty-fitty “over/under”. “Cats are 8-3 “under” (with one of those “overs” being the result of OT contest vs. Nebraska) and won’t be able to swap sixes with State...OSU 38 N-Dub 14 
Memphis @ #7 CENTRAL FLORIDA (“under 64 ½”): Bottom continues to fall outta’ initial minus-five line and over/under 71 given UCF loss of starting QB Milton, who accounted fer about 75% of Knights passing-yards and offensive-points. Host will now rely-heavily on RB Greg McRae (see our “Black Shirt-segment) to keep the perfect-season intact. Tigers, who dropped 31-30 decision in mid-October and opened 4-2 “under” then went 4-1 “over” down the stretch, haven’t knocked-off Central Florida straight-up in past dozen tries...Gilded Galahads 29 UM 27 
#19 BOISE STATE (-3) over Fresno State: Tater-Heads 23 Bulldogs 17 
MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE (-2) over Alabama-Birmingham: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK...We like Blue Raiders QB Stockstill (26 TDs-6 INTs) and his 51st-ranked rush-D over UAB-best-weapon RB Brown (996-rushing-yards and 15 TDs). Third-straight roadie for ‘Bama-Light. State’s three outright defeats came at Vandy, at ‘Joja and (surprisingly) at Florida International...MTSU 29 Dragon-Breath 23  
Louisiana-Lafayette (+18) over APPALACHIAN STATE: Best guess for “wish we had it back” with ULL coming-in having won tough 31-28 donnybrook at rival UL-Cornrow, but Cajuns lost by only 10 at Application State earlier and also by a ten-spot at Troy (whom we originally-thought would emerge as Stun Belt champion). Mountaineers are much-younger on offense than Lafayette. Winner gets highly-coveted (not!)-berth in 12/15 R&L New Orleans Bowl...’Eers 34 Lafayette 27 
BEST WEEKLY EFFORT: Week Five’s 13-6 
WORST WEAKLY “F”-fort: Week One’s 5-11 (not too far-off last season’s 5-14 from da’ git-go!) 
WEBER-FRIENDLIES (Best percentage on the predicted-side of the spread; minimum 7 at-bats in the forecast): The 2018 Allstate “Yer in Goods Hands” award goes joyously to the Aggies of Texas A&M (5-1-1, .833). Second-Place to da’ Auburn Tigers (7-2, .778) and Honorable-Mention to da’ Golden Knights of Central Florida at 7-3 (.700)! 
Not enuff appearances, but thank you for playin’: Syracuse (5-1, .833), South Carolina (4-1, .800) and South Florida (4-1, .800). 
FLAME-THROWERS (Worst percentage on the predicted-side of the spread; minimum 7 at-bats in the forecast): This season’s Grill-Master Supreme (you can still see the sear-marks on Vindy’s wallet) goes to...Miami (0-7, .000). Suckin’ Place to Michigan (2-10, .143) and Dishonorable Mention to Alabama (3-8, .273...BTW, Dim-Sum Fried garnered similar hardware in 2017 at 4-6!) 
Didn’t Make Da’ Cut, But We’ll Be Watchin’...Utah State and Maryland, both at 1-4 (.200), as well as Boise State (2-4, .333)! 
BTW, Coach Rolovich drew the attention of famous-parody-song-writer Weird Al Yankovic and was signed to a multi-year recording-deal! 
Can’t wait for next season, when Rolovich brings-along an Elton John imposter, who will belt out such classics as “Bennie and Da’ Jet-Sweeps", “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road-Game, “Don’t Let Da’ Sun Go Fourth-Down On Me”, “Toledo Rocket-Man" and “Tiny End-Zone Dancer”. 
Houston-faithful issued a sarcastic raspberry-cheer for da’ Rice Owls, who logged their first FBS-win on the year, taking-out now-4-8 Old Domesticated University 27-13 this past weekend! 
Vindy, trying to quickly-place a wager, fell and injured a knee, resulting in a 10-second run-off in the last two-minutes that the sportsbook was open! 
Ahead of his mid-November game vs. Detroit, Bears’ (fer “Cheers”-fans...”Daaaaah...Bears.”) corner Prince Amukamara had his moniker incorrectly-sewn on his jersey as “Amukmara”. He also suffered similar-mishap a couple seasons ago playing for the Jags (who labeled his uni-top with “Amuakmara”). The Chicago defender quipped, “They could’ve at least spelled it “Tutankhamun”!!!!” 
Help us understand....coaches with considerably-better win-loss records are getting canned on a frequent-basis this week. Yet Lovie Smith got a two-year extension to 2023 by the Frightenin’ Illini, who’ve tallied campaigns of three-victories, two-victories and four-victories this year (plus a moral-victory in 24-16 defeat at then-#20 Northwestern to close-out the season???!!!). Clay(-Pigeon?) Helton gets to hang-around at USC following 5-7 outing (despite fans’ expressions of “Fillet Da’ Clay!” [or fer Game of Thrones fans...Flay Da’ Clay??!!]”, but was preceded by two DD-SU win-seasons, so we get it.
Attendance at Tampa Bay Bucs games has been poor-enough to lead the organization to give-away free tickets to put butts in seats. Likewise, da’ picks have been so bad that we’re offering our weekly forecasts fer nuthin’ as well (Oh wait...we already do that!). Meanwhile Tampa Bay officials have inquired about possibly joining the Canadian Football League! 
“Who Was That Masked Man???!!!”: Vindicator nailed itpublishing just two words, on the epic Bengals (+2 ½) over TAMU-selection...”In extras”!!!! (Though frankly, we anticipated two-ish, not seven-OT periods!) 
“Wish We Had It Back”: Queue-up Cher...”If we could turrrrrrnnnn back tiiiimmme...” We’d like to rethink our choice of Michigan –3 ½ over OHIO STATE after noting Buckeyes had won on the scoreboard 25 times in past 27 in Columbus! 
"Locked in a Box":  Gamecocks (+26) hung-in long-enough (losing by 21) at Clemson to raise the record to 5-7 (.417).  
Vindy's Championship Week Best Bets: Last Week:  1-3-1 Season:  27-28-2 (.491) 
Oklahoma-Texas “under 78”, Akron @ SOUTH CAROLINA “under 56”, Stanford @ CAL “under 48 ½”, Marshall +4 ½ over VA TECH  

Up next...our yearly-thoughts on Army-Navy!