KRINGLE UNINTENTIONALLY DISRUPTS BOWL, SPURS TEAM TO BIG WIN
MONTGOMERY, Alabama (TMZ)…Returning to the highly-publicized workshop above the Arctic Circle, following an all-nighter distributing holiday gifts across the world, St. Nick was forced to make an unscheduled landing at the local Camellia Bowl on Christmas Day after Charlie-In-The-Box, angered by yet-another year without being given to a child, displayed in-flight unruly behavior. The misfit-toy was briskly-escorted off the sleigh by local security. Santa, who despite an early penalty for “too many reindeer on the field”, snared an interception and scored a touchdown on special-teams, took the opportunity to give a pep-talk to Sun Belt-stalwart Georgia State, up just 20-13 in a defensive-battle at the intermission over the Ball State Cardinals. The Panthers took the Knute Rocke-like speech to heart and, adhering to a chalkboard bearing play-calls left by the Jolly Old Elf under the locker-room-tree, posted 28 points in the 3rd-Quarter en-route to smoking the Redbirds 51-20!
The Cadets-Mizzou contest got abandoned by virtue-of ...geez...that contagious thing. Off a 5-0 effort by our hero in Part I, “no good-deeds go unpunished”, so da’ bookies started bringin’ pressure and double-teams every time Vindy made a choice on a game in Part II. Da’ Iron-Horses (+4 ½), in extra-tracks, thwarted Tennessee 48-45 to park us- temporarily. (Fer now!)
Takin’ a few creative-liberties with an NYPD detective John McClane-quote from 30 years ago while navigating crawl-spaces inside Nakatomi Tower (or at least Caesar’s Palace), we taunt the lines-makers over the radio with...
THE WEBER KID’S 21-22 BOWL PREDICTIONS FORECAST: PART III
(“Yippee Ki-Yay, Flea-Flicker!”)
FRI. DEC. 31
TaxSlayer Gator Bowl (@ Jacksonville, FL)
Rutgers (+14 ½) over #20 Wake Forest: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. No offense to the Piscataway Paladins, who are at least a little better than the 5-7 W-L performance reflects (smote by just a touchdown at the Big House vs. now-CFP matrons-of-honor Wolverines, preventing a more-respectable 6-6 SU), but we’d been equally happy to see the FCS semi-final loser Jackrabbits of South Dakota State (11-4 SU) here (In related news, the Chippies of Central Michigan [8-4 straight-up] will stand-in for Da’ U in the Sun Bowl vs. Wazzou). Gotta’ figure Fiendish Father Mulcahys were stoked to line-up against #23 Texas A&M (first Top-25 bowl-opponent since 2006) and now get a foe with an overall-losing record, so have to question the motivation in this one. Deacs lost of three of last five following eight consecutive dubyas from the git-go (though no significant victims along the way). WF, who has already posted its first DD-win tally since 11-3 in that previously-noted season (and could tie it with a victory), has gone 0-fer-2 outright and ATS in past two years’ post-season tries (both vs. B1G clubs). Sir Lancelots were by no means scoring-behemoths, but da’ Forest got sucked into a multitude of track-meets, and contests this far-in trend “under”. Won’t make a call on the “total”, but Knights have more impetus to finish on the positive-side of the scoreboard than the Terrifyin’ Friars...Exit 9B Off the Jersey Turnpike 34 Possessed Padres 31
CFP Semi-Final Capital One Orange Bowl (@ Miami Gardens, FL)
#3 Georgia vs. #2 Michigan (“under 45”): A surprisingly-top-shelf spot fer Big Blue considering previous four-years' post-season history failures and late-September escape of Rutgers mentioned above. Joja’ played its one bad-game of the year vs. Crimson Tide. We like the Dawg-Pound D to gain some redemption and get UGA another shot at the usual SEC-PITA for the national-championship (BORING!)...Outside da’ Hedges 19 Ann-Landers Arbor Day 13
CFP Semi-Final Goodyear Cotton Bowl (@ Arlington, TX)
#4 Cincinnati (+13 ½) over #1 Alabama: An unthinkable-upset win (GASP!) or close-loss justifies Bearkats’ presence here. However, a decisive crap-out will simply bombard the CFP Committee with taunts of “Told ya’ so!”. Nick Satan and his 666-layers of Dante’s Inferno (who said we never paid attention during high-school literature classes??!!) only needs to finish the game 1-point-ahead on the scoreboard to make the final match. Cue-up the Paul Simon-Chevy Chase music video collab “You Can Call Me Big Al”...Magenta Mastodons 29 Queen City 26
SAT. JAN. 1
Outback Bowl (@ Tampa, FL)
Penn State (+1 ½) over #22 Arkansas: A better post-season destination for State than warranted, but we’ll take it. After resurgent effort from last year and CFP-worthy beginning, Nitwit Lions ultimately hung five in “L” column. Alma Mater had its chances, especially on offense, to win all ‘of ‘em, but failed to execute. Part of that is on Coach Franklin. Part on the team. (Buddy the Elf referred to the squad as “cotton-headed Nittany muggins”!) State opened as chalk. Since then, to-date, five PSU defensive-starters have opted out and are now 4-5 against the spread taking points (though 1-8 SU). As such, history sides with the Pork Bellies. Nonetheless, we’re still expectin’ Happy Valley to set the standard fer ‘22...Lions 27 Sooey Pigs 23
Vrbo Citrus Bowl (@ Orlando, FL)
#17 Iowa vs. #25 Kentucky: No official prediction here (though see our “best bets” below). Just wondering...If the #17 Hawkeyes had edged-out #18 NC State for one-spot higher in the rankings by a single vote and can put the absolute minimum numbers of players on the field, does Meatloaf cue-up “Paradise by the 40-Yard Dashboard Light” and belt-out...”We were barely-#17 and we were barely-dressed!
Allstate Sugar Bowl (@ New Orleans, LA)
#8 Mississippi (-1 ½) over #6 Baylor: Iowa State-Clemson made our “best-bet” list and the formal-five choices were top-heavy in Big Tank-Girl (Comic-book geeks, unite!) analyses, so we decided to provide a little recognition and air-play for a Dominant Dozen team in the form of Baylor! With an 8-track tape playin’ “Convoy” in the background, pointin’out...”Yeah, them-Bears was thicker as bugs-on-a-bumper! They even had a Bear-in-the-Air. I said, callin’ all-trucks...this here’s Da’ Duck...we about to huntin’ Bear!” Baylor, with its third-HC in last six-seasons, pocketed four consecutive victories to wind-up the campaign, including sweep of the Sooner State, and stay in the Top Ten. Previous top bowl-dubya'-win came 49-38 against then-#10 Tarheels. Ole Mishka’ hits the bowl-surface in back-to-back seasons fer first-time since 2014 and 2015, notched its first double-digit SU-win tally since 2015, having bested Rutgers 26-20 last year. Ursines have defeated Top-25 foes in 5 of last 7. Rebels, in three ranked-matches, lost at ‘Bama, at Auburn and vs. the Pork Bellies 52-51. Two of BU’s 7 contests “over 55” were at the expense of Kansas and FCS Texas Southern. Rebels’ 6 games beyond this total all came on or before 10/16, which means wagering on an O/U would have us blindly-tossin' ninja-stars ...Skirmishin’ Kiffins 34 Smarter Than the Average Vindy’s Pick-a-Nic Basket Yogis 27
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, who knew Santa Claus, a resident of the North Pole, was a fan of a famous Frightenin’ Irish coach, employed in South Bend, Indiana???!!!
If Jackson State head coach Deion Sanders opens a steakhouse restaurant, would it be called Prime Rib Thyme?!!!
If a defensive-player is seemingly weighed-down while rushing the opposing-passer, is he considered to be running “Inundated to the quarterback”??!!!
If the aforementioned defender has a clear-path into the opponents’ offensive-backfield, but ignores it, is he “unmotivated to da’ quarterback”??!!
On the small-screen, imprisoned NFL quarterbacks star in a reality-TV show called...”Jordan Love During Drew Lock-Up"!!!!
Starting next August, the pro gridiron club in the nation’s capital will adopt logos of laundry-appliances and subsequently be known as the Washer-Dryer Football Team! BTW, lining-up behind-center for the designated NFL squad, will be Taylor Mr. Hankey (shout-out to long-time friend Brendan Sebstad for this reference!)
If an underage hockey-player is allowed to smoke and drink in the Sin-Bin for two minutes, is it considered “contributing to the delinquency of a minor-penalty?!”
Trailing our Army-Navy “hashmarks” regarding substitution of a classic-actor into a JK Rowling NBA-caliber mash-up, we’re watchin’ “Sydney Poitier and Da’ Wilt Chamberlain of Secrets”!!!!
Back in March...humoring Charles Barkley et al...Navy, Norfolk State, Maryland and UMBC staged a “Final Four” as Chuck drove “In to the Annapolis”.
Also, on da’ Boob-Tube, George Bailey places a sportsbook wager hoping to salvage his savings & loan establishment in...”It’s A Wonderful Line”! (Somebody stop us!)
A future Major League Soccer club in Sin City, a topic of discussion this past summer, might very well be called the “Las Vegas Heroes”, lending itself to the local stadium-operator firing-up David Bowie’s hit “Heroes” when the team takes the pitch or alternately, the theme-song from the (1960’s/70’s) flick “Kelly’s Heroes” (AKA “Burning Bridges”). Opposing-venues, of course, would blare the opening theme-song for the 1960s/70s cartoon featuring the Mighty Heroes (ie. Strong-Man, Cuckoo-Man, Tornado-Man, Rope-Man and...Diaper-Man!)
Black Shirt: The Bowl Picks Part Two coveted-cloth goes to Louisville RB Jahwar Jordan for his 100-yard kick-off return-fer-TD that boosted the cumulative scoreboard total to 39 with 5:30 left in the first-half on the way to an eventual “over 55 ½ “ as we called, vs Air Force! Honorable-mention to Clemson CB Mario Goodrich for an 18-yard pick-six return vs. Iowa State to bring-home our Tigers -1 over Iowa State “best bet”!
Shoppe Talk: The Shoppe floor is now covered in Tiger-skin rugs after Auburn (1-3, .250) hosed us again for the third time in a row.
“Locked in a Box”: Ironically, we did not declare our preferred pick among the formal-five for Part II! (Our editor has been called to da’ carpet fer failin’ to do so! [And will be sent to a corner of the man-cave to serve a substantial time-out!])
“Wish We Had It Back”: As called, Auburn failed to cover -2 ½, losing outright to Houston. (We do, however, thank War Eagle for keeping the game vs. Da' Coogs well-below 51 ½, cashing one of our “best bets”).
Vindy’s Picks Bowl Predictions Part III Best Bets: Part II: 3-0 (with Virginia-SMU game getting scrapped) Season: 32-32-1 (.500)
Oklahoma State (+2) over Notre Dame, Kentucky-Iowa “under 44” (nuthin’ else really grabbed our attention)
Disclaimer...with ASU-Wisconsin getting-underway until 7:30 PM Pacific Time, culminating well-after our bedtime and our likely inability to get up at 0’-Dark-Thirty-enuff to get the score, adjust certain regularly-reported forecast stats and publish it prior to the Gator Bowl’s 8:00 AM Pacific Time coin-toss Friday morning, we’ll just go-to-press now and include the pertinent Rutgers-WF tilt data in our National Championship blog!
On-deck, we’ll return one more time with our thoughts about da’ Whole-Enchilada match, a bowl-season recap and...”left-over hash”! Until then, follow us on The Learning Channel as we draw-up a limited-number of X’s and O’s in an attempt to woo a certain entertainment-superstar into nuptial arrangements on “90-Play Beyonce”!!!! (Yes, there’s a distinct song-themed-flavor to our trilogy at the moment! Work with us here!)