LOAN COMPANY CONTINUES TO STONEWALL FORECASTER
HENDERSON, Nevada (KCNA)…Last May, famous-musician Alice Cooper, in cahoots with Public Enemy front-man Flava Flav, navigated the Zamboni across the surface of the local Dollar Loan Center Arena, home to the AHL Silver Knights hockey team as part of a promotional stunt. The sponsor-in-question offered-up some serious bank by the time the celebs traversed the length of the ice. With a mash-up of Cooper’s “No More Mr. Nice Guy” and “School’s Out” blaring over the PA-system, Flav, whose second-hand actually appeared to move as super-imposed on his faux-time-piece by the arena operator, otherwise frozen in time as any given hours and minutes, lit the financial-lamp before even crossing his own blue-line. Meanwhile, the Vegas Vindicator, having applied to borrow a few extra dollars in June, is still circling the inside of the rink aboard the tractor-like ice-manicuring machine while awaiting the green-light on a decision.
Going around in circles is a pretty accurate description of our recent exploits, including Saturday’s 1-4 (19-19-2, .500) tire fire. Our “best bets” however were reborn from the ashes, going a perfect 4-0 (leading Vindy and his staffers to do the Macarena so as not to be outdone by the Duke Blue Devils, who danced a conga line following their trampling of Miami) meaning our preferred selections (“lock” and “wise wagers”) all cashed at 5-0!
Back in April, the UCF Golden Knights donned uniform tops bearing QR codes in lieu of numbers during their Spring game. The codes were supposed to take scanners to biographical info and social media, merchandise vendors and charitable organizations. Vindy’s spies, however, covertly substituted the electronic signature emblems, leading viewers to a way-too-early draft of...
THE WEBER KID’S 2022 WEEK 9 FORECAST
(Getting flagged for “illegal hands to da’ Ghostface” and giving bettors da’ heebie-jeebies!)
SAT. OCT. 29
#2 Ohio State @ #13 PENN STATE (“over 61 ½”): Iowa was lit up by the Buckeyes fer a school-worst-since-1995 of 54 points. Michigan crashed thru Penn State’s rush-D like a six-year-old running through a lawn-sprinkler, then despite thrashing Minnesota, the Alma Mater allowed Gophers’ RB Mohamed Ibrahim grabbed himself his 5th straight 100+ rushing yards game and a touchdown last week. OSU is 23rd in the country, recording 204.9 ground yards per game and has scored less than 45 only a single time. Buckeyes have won each of the last three years, but none by more than 13. Just second contest outside Da’ Show for OSU. Both sides are commonplace 4-3 ATS so making a call on the spread (Lions +15 ½) doesn’t seem prudent. Nits QB Sean Clifford was awarded B1G Offensive Player of the Week after pounding the Gilded Gerbils. Hopin’ for a similar performance here...Ohio State 38 Penn State 29
#19 Kentucky (+12 ½) over #3 TENNESSEE: ‘Cats tilts haven’t eclipsed 54 all year (5-1 “under”). Vols have five contests that finished “over” 63. The past three years, KY has sandwiched a 34-7 triumph here in ‘20 with a pair of three-point losses to Tennessee. Ut sucks ATS off wins by more than two touchdowns, but have 3 of 4 at home this year. Tennessee has not faced a scoring-defense this strong (16.4 ppg) and Kentucky hasn’t taken the field against a scoring-machine of this caliber (50.1 ppg). Both clubs excel through the air. Kentucky stops the pass at pretty good 178.3 ypg (14th best). Coonskin Caps are next to last in pass D at somewhat misleading 329.7 ypg, above only the Ohio Bobblecats, but still. Relying on Will Levis to keep UT secondary busy all day...Rocky Top 34 Kentucky 27
#11 Wake Forest @ LOUISVILLE (“over 64”): Best guess fer “wish we had it back”. Wake’s average margin-of-victory over its five FBS opponents has been 18.8 ppg (skewed this low only by 37-36 triumph vs. Liberty), 9 of the combined 14 contests between these clubs on the year have ended up below 63 as Creepy Clergy allows just 24 ppg-against and Louisville is even more miserly at 20.6 ppg, making Deacs –5 and/or the “under” suspiciously too easy. Having said that, Phil Steele points out that the previous six in this series have gone “over” (last three years show totals of 121, 66 and 71). Wake has topped 42 five times in seven tries to-date and Redbirds have posted 33 ppg across their last five matches...Mephistophelian Monsignors 38 Da’ Ville 31
#20 Cincinnati (+1) over CENTRAL FLORIDA: Bearkats have been the guests of honor during a season-long penalty party (last nationally with 67 infractions to-date), including a pile of 14 yellow hankies while staving off a tenacious comeback attempt by SMU on Saturday. Cincy has won its last 19 AAC games (also 29 of last 31) and its only overall demise in ‘22 was the opener against Arkansas. It’s Homecoming at the “Bounce House”, where UCF is 35-3 SU. Knights off bad loss at East Carolina. Marc Lawrence noted home team has covered last four, but we think UC keeps pace with Tulane for the conference lead...Queen City 31 Central Florida 24
#21 NORTH CAROLINA (-3) over Pittsburgh: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. ‘Heels have back-to-wins by 3 each over Duke and Miami and a 2-point triumph over Apparition State. Pitt’s been an enigma at 4-3 SU with mere 7-point demise vs. Tennessee but 5-point loss to Joja’ Tech and two-score defeat to Louisville. UNC is one of two remaining teams perfect in ACC play at 3-0 (Clemson is the other at 6-0) and was derailed just once overall, going down 45-32 to Our Lady. Carolina QB Drake Maye is 8th in pass yards with stellar 24-3 TD-to-pick ratio. His counterpart Kevon Slovis, replacing now-Steelers quarterback Kenny Pickett, is run-of-the-mill #87 in yardage with liability-prone 5-5 ratio, which means Pitt will put the game in the hands of RB Israel Anaconda...er ...um … Abanikanda (4th in rushing yards, 6.1 ypc and 13 scores) and the defense (21 sacks). Heels will simply load the box en route to...La Brea 34 Panthers 24
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, Vin earned himself a “safe-driver’s discount” from Allstate given the number of miles traveled on the ice without an accident and qualified for a CDL (commercial de-icer's license)!
Buckeyes coach Ryan Day said facing Penn State in Happy Valley was reminiscent of his NFL days going to New England to play Brady and Belichick. No truth to da’ rumor that Sean Clifford with have a Lions’ assistant take a little air outta’ his pigskins!
This week’s camisole contest...New Mexico State (1-6 in FBS, lone win came vs. Hawai’i [1-6 in FBS] @ UMASHED (0-6 in FBS)
1994-95 All Terror Team:
DT Henry “Dust-Down” Morton: University of North Carolina-Raleigh. Senior. 6’0” 818. Hometown: Biloxi, Mississippi. Likes to attempt lunging tackles. Often comes up short of the target, but creates enough ground movement to knock down the ball-carrier. Coaches said his 20 lbs. loss in the offseason really makes this kid a force to be reckoned with. “Another 40 lbs. and this guy would be the first-round of the draft!!- Lee Corso.
LB Dimitrius “Derek” Annadominos: University of Nebraska. Senior. 5’10” 315. Hometown: Ogden, Utah. Major: Speech Communications. Wants to be the next Howard Cossell. Takes coaches’ instructions very literally. Once missed three consecutive games after being told to “stay home more often and watch for reverses and misdirection plays”. Upon reporting back to the coach, he said he watched a lot of TV and didn’t see anything, but “found this really cool channel that was running a 14-hour Power Rangers marathon!”
FS Kelvin “Rain Man” Robertson: Tennessee State-Graceland. Sophomore. 5’11” 125. Hometown: Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. Major: Game Show Trivia. Quickness allows Robertson to blitz often from the backside of Hound Dawgs’ innovative 2-2-2-2-2-1 zone defense. Also allows him to be the first player in the locker room at halftime so he can watch Judge Wapner on the “People’s Court”. Injured in a freak fishing accident as a child. A piece of the halibut is still lodged in his head.
During the Monday Night Football telecast, one of the broadcasters pointed out that Bears QB Justin Fields was on the sidelines flat on his back getting his legs worked on while staring intently at his tablet and was probably watching Game of Thrones.” Which spurs us to quote Tyrion Lannister, who said, “A mind needs an I-Pad like a sword needs a whetstone.”
Football fans rejoice!!!!! This is that awesome time of year when, effective 10/27 through 11/22, there will be 27 days in a row in which at least one NCAA or NFL pigskin game will be on-tap!!!!
If a baseball legend meets a Halloween flick starring three goofy witches, would it be called “Honus Pocus”???!!
Speaking of Halloween, this week “NIL” stands for “Name, Image and Lycanthrope”.
On Monday, President Biden honored Dale Haney, White House groundkeeper fer half-a-century. No word as to whether Haney, “last year, a lowly groundskeeper...about to become...this year’s...Masters champion”, wore camouflage while pursuing a pesky gopher all over the South Lawn.
If a popular online sports betting site catered only to vampires, would it be called FangDuel???!!!
Black Shirt: This week’s unsurpassed undergarment goes to LSU safety Joe Foucha who picked off a Mississippi pass from LSU 9 in the end zone at 4:03 of 3rd Quarter to thwart the Rebels’ scoring drive en route to the predicted “under 68”. See “lock of da’ week” below.
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Mississippi played just enuff defense in Baton Rouge to keep the final total “under 68”, elevating the “lock” tally to 5-3 (.625).
“Wish We Had It Back”: “If we could turnnnn back tiiiiiiiiiiiime” (Cher, ladies and gentlemen!), we woulda’ stuck to our original call of Tulane –7 instead of reversing field and takin’ da’ TD with Memphis.
Shoppe Talk: Lotsa’ stuffed Hawkeyes this week as Iowa goes to 0-5 (.000). Joining the annoying aviary...the OSU Bug Eyes 2-4 (.333) and the Oregon Decoys (0-3 skid, .000, 1-3 overall)
Vindy’s Week 9 Best Bets: Last Week: 4-0 Season: 16-16 (.500)
MARSHALL –2 over Coastal Carolina, Northwestern +11 over IOWA, San Diego State @ FRESNO STATE “under 40”, North Texas +10 ½ over WESTERN KENTUCKY
