PRESTIGIOUS PROGNOSTICATOR JOINS SPATE OF IDENTITY CHANGES
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (MSNBC)…It started last March with the manufacturer of the VW-bug moving the company’s endeavor toward an electric-gas hybrid offering while distancing itself from real or perceived issues plaguing the vendor, culminating in ‘Volts-Wagen””. Other companies climbed-onboard, notably Facebook, who now goes by “Meta” in light of similar reasons, a la metamorphosis. Following-suit, local forecasting-aficionado Vegas Vindicator has swapped-out labels to become “Vandy’s Picks” in a nod to the Knoxville, Tennessee football team, whose Commodores gridiron team has fared about as well as “Vindy’s Picks” in 2021. Around the horn, Cleveland’s Major League Baseball club recently settled on “Guardians” despite having more alliterative options, such as “Coonhounds”, “Chlorides”, “”, “”, “”, “Coatimundis” and “” available.
Another 2-3 result for Week 8 parks us at 17-20-1 (.459), including a complete whiff on Wake Forest @ ARMY “under fitty-two" as the Cadets had to borrow an additional scoreboard from nearby Mount St. Mary college to accommodate all 126 points that were scored in that game! We’re melting-down our Captain’s bars and shredding our Military Intelligence insignia after that contest.
With Halloween on the , we’re linin’-up in the eye-of-newt-formation to conjure...
THE WEBER KID’S 2021 WEEK 9 FORECAST
(More ’ than Freddy, Michael, Jason and Jigsaw all wrapped into one!)
SAT. OCT. 30
#1 Georgia (-14 ½) over Florida (@Jacksonville, FL): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Can’t find a compelling-reason to not go here. Both teams rested and healed last week. Gators had lost two of three SU ahead of the bye, ’ 49-42 up-and-down-da’-field effort at downward-spiraling Baton Rouge. Marc Lawrence has Crocs beating the line just once in past six tries facing a team ’-back a fortnight. Florida won 44-28 last year, one of just two scoreboard demises in ‘20. Canines’ D continues to be an immovable-object, granting 23 total points scored by opponents over last four tilts. No reason to see Gainesville replicating the effort that caused much consternation in 31-29 defeat against ‘Bama. UF QB Emory Jones has thrown 10 TDs and 9 picks. That doesn’t portend well against ’ pass-D with a 3-8 ratio. Jones leads Florida in rushing as well, but Georgia is second-best in run-stopping at 62.3 (behind only UGA 37 Crocodiles 14
#20 Penn State (“under 60”) over #5 OHIO STATE: Da’ new OT format -ta'-go! Not just because of the Lions’ idiotic loss to then 2-5 and unranked Illinois, but because alternating one-down possessions from the three-yard-line are essentially equivalent to penalty shots/kicks in hockey and soccer. State traded empty efforts five times and the number of potential scoring passes that slipped-off receivers’ fingers suggest the extra-periods were “brought to you by ”! The last three in this series have been won by the Buckeyes by margins of 1, 11 and 13. Penn State has finished below the total in five of six lined contests and the scoring D is usual stout component at just over 17 ppg-allowed. Buckeyes are yielding stingy 13 ppg, but lighting it up offensively against a not-Murderer's Row of opponents. Nitwits, (whom we’re ’ to Clemson [and not a good way this time]) are being spotted more than two-touchdowns and should have healthier QB on the field, but only chance at a cover, much-less an upset, is to ride the stop-squad. Cheering both punters...Script Ohio 29 Alma Mater 16
#9 Iowa (+3 ½) over WISCONSIN: Bonus coverage (Sort of. We typically don’t make calls involving the same conference twice in a single week’s forecast). Does anyone (Anyone?! Anyone?!!) ’ win the Big Tenement Hall West?!!! We think this is an over-reaction to Birds’ 24-7 ambush-defeat by improved-though-not-yet-there Boilermakers. Iowa had won 11 straight SU back to last season before last week and are still one of the top clubs in the nation, having bested back-in-the-Top 25 Iowa State and Penn State (though that victory isn’t as shiny as it was at the time). Badgers heating-up with three consecutive wins following 1-3 start, but Hawkeyes have dropped just three games on the conference-road in last ten tries (including 24-22 last time at Camp Randall in 2019, one of just three total defeats that season). Marc Lawrence has Iowa covering 7 times in last 8 opportunities in the wake of an outright loss. Aviary takes the gridiron off a bye as well. The over/under is posted as 36 ½, with good-reason, but we prefer...Capt.Pierces (think M.A.S.H.) 21 20
Texas @ #16 BAYLOR (“over 61 ½”): Second-best guess for “wish we had it back.” All four B12 Conference contests last week finished well-beneath this number. We figure law-of-averages maybe buys us an “over” here. Both sides come in rested. Steers have just two finales above this total, but another trey of tilts within 4-points or fewer. Last three years in this series have all three ending-up with cumulative scores at or lower than 43. Bears are 4-2 “over”, though averaging 32 ppg-scored while permitting just 24 ppg-against over last 4 contests. However, Cattle have banged the board fer 43.5 ppg and given up 37.25 ppg across same timeframe. Plenty of conference talent on offense on display in Steers Bijan Robinson (top rusher in B12), third-best ground-gainer BU RB Abram Smith and the top pair of WR in ’ Tyquan Thompson and UT WR Xavier Worthy...Bayluh 35 Burnt L’ Orange 31
#21 SAN DIEGO STATE (-1) over Fresno State: Best guess fer “wish we had it back” (Full-disclosure...also considered it originally fer “lock of da’ week”!!! That’s how we conflicted we are!). Normally, we’d put all our eggs in the “under 46 ½” basket, but we feel more confident in the Aztecs, who clapped-back at the doubting-bookies who installed them as 5-point underdogs at Air Force, by conquering the Pilots outright 20-14 (nonetheless, much-respect to the Falcons of AFA). FSU-West (ironically, better than the ACC-version of FSU this year) dodged a late-bullet from the Reno Remos & Romulus (mythology-fans among will recognize the reference, see our Black Shirt segment below). Incas are 16-5 SU/8-4 ATS at home in Dignity Health Sports Park (4-0 in ‘21). To their credit, Bulldogs went down by 7 in Eugene, beat UCLA 40-37 and show 10-8 straight-up victory record on the road for past 3 ½ seasons (including 5-3 in MWC play)... 26 Canines 19
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, “Cleveland Colonoscopies” attracted nary a ballot!
In related news, an Ohio-based roller-derby squad also known as the Cleveland Guardians is takin’ the same-city team-formerly-known as the Indians to court over usurping copyrights to that nickname! Our suggestions fer monikers, closer to the original one, include Indiscretions, Indie-Films, Insta-Pots and Incubus!
Cue-up Simon & Garfunkel and sing it with us... “Hello, Kirkness My Ferentz...we’ve come to play ‘ you again’. And all the plays that we were just plan-, includes a pass from ’ Arch Man-...”. BTW, last Sunday, Titans QB Ryan Tannehill was listening to his headset during pre-game warm-ups as said musical duo played “Me and Julio Jones Down the School-Yard-Marker" in Tennessee’s victory over Kansas City!
‘Dawgs QB JT Daniels inked a NIL agreement in August and planned to spread half da’ monetary-luv among his fellow players. He gets a fitty-fitty deal fer every trading-card sold that bears his John Hancock. While similar generosity is oft-recognized among the pros, we salute the young man for his altruism at the collegiate-level. Much respect.
If a killer Good Guy doll becomes an offensive-coordinator, do we hear! My name’s Chucky! Wanna’ run a ????!!!”
Local Allegiant Stadium provides suite-holders sommelier-services, ’ wines that pair-well with their gourmet-meals. Lower-tier season-ticket-holders, at no extra-charge, can stomp their own grapes just after kick-off and allow them to ferment until the 4th-Quarter before consuming the juices-thereof!
If a common Criminal Minds statement meets a baseball bunt-defense strategy, do we hear-routes up in 30”??!!
Earlier this week, da’ St. Louis Cardinals hired 35-year-old, Oliver Marmol as manager. We ask is the new dug-out director old to shave, possess a learner’s permit? Good luck to da’ Redbirds given humble-narrator regularly dons skivvies more-seasoned than the new skipper’s DOB!
The NHL-expansion club Seattle Kraken have been rewarding fans at home-games by ’ post-contest salmon plush-toys into the crowd. Seafood-vendors at the local Pike Market are in negotiations to get the team to purchase and launch real fishes to the Emerald City faithful. (Though said-species attached to planks resulting in injury could result in penalties for “boarding”!!!)
Black Shirt: We present half-a -top" each to Fresno State DB Randy Jordan fer ’ Reno WR Romeo Daubs ’ da’ back of the EZ, leading to an incomplete two-point conversion pass that eliminated the possibility of overtime and a potential cover by the Bulldogs...and Wolfpack wide-out Cole Turner fer the 12-yard scoring-catch that set-up the attempt-in-question with :02 left to begin with!
“Locked in Box”: The preferred-pick tally rises to 6-2 (.800) as the Okie State Cowpokes nearly pulled off the predicted upset over the space-drama-based ! (Non-TV-show watchers can Google the referenced-villains!)
“Wish We Had It Back”: We’d like turnback the clock on our Tech +6 over UTSA call after noting “We’d also lean toward the “over 58”!
Vindy’s Week 9 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 17-15-1 (.531)
Washington State @ ARIZONA STATE “under 52”, -Monroe @ APPALACHIAN STATE “under 58 ½”, Arkansas State +9 ½, Boise State @ COLORADO STATE “under 51 ½”