Friday, September 30, 2022

Vindy's Picks Week 5-2022 (Part I)

                                       SPACE PROGRAM PLEASED, BUT “GOES FOR ‘TWO’” 

CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida (AP)…Overjoyed with its successful bid to divert the path of an asteroid, 7 million miles away, by intercepting it with an unmanned spacecraft, NASA wants to validate the global-defense achievement results with “something a little closer to ‘home’” and plans to jettison another human-devoid vessel “’at a gazillion miles an hour’ toward Vindy’s Picks.” Said anonymous flight-deck official, “If we get photos back from Hubble and Webb at impact shoving his forecast off-course...or better-yet, in-shards, we’ll be satisfied!” 

Fer da’ most part, we dodged the outer-reaches of the Dimorphos debris-field, catching a profitable 3-1-1 (14-5-1, .737) final curtain. (More to follow)... 


(Safe as a Tom Brady tablet!)




#20 ARKANSAS (+17) over #2 Alabama: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. “Under 61 ½” might be worth a glance as well. Employing the “Project Longhorns Gambit”, the Cutlets plan on losing starting QB KJ Jefferson early to injury and turning over the near-upset to the hands of reserve quarterback Malik Hornsby (three pass attempts fer 21 yards). Seriously, this one’s not about Arkansas’ D limiting Bryce Young, but rather Tide’s D corralling aforementioned dual-threat Jefferson. We’ll put more faith in Hogs’ live-fire experience against then-ranked Cincinnati, South Carolina and currently-#17 TAMU (joint outright record of 8-4) over ‘Bama’s target-practice-worthy USU, Weeziana-Marcel Marceau and Vanderbilt (collectively 8-9). Still, we gotta’ anticipate Little Nicky fires up a candle-lit pentagram at the intermission to slip outta’ Fayetteville under the cover of darkness unblemished... Alabama 27 Arkansas 24 

IOWA (+10 ½) over #4 Michigan: The snowflake +1 schedule is over. As projected Maryland actually posed a threat to UM (though they were down 15 with 3:31 to play). The irresistible force meets immovable object, which makes a play on the total (“over/under 43”) prohibitive. At the risk of almost sounding like we’re tryin’ to talk ourselves outta this pick, we note we consider the Terps to be at least 4 points better than Iowa, South Dakota State is still #3 in the FCS poll this week, Iowa State is currently 3-1 in the wake of a tough loss to then-#17 Baylor and 27-point outputs each vs. Reno and at Piscataway show some promise of offense. Wolverines crushed Iowa 42-3 in the 2021 Big Tankard Conference championship game before falling to eventual nation champ Joja’. Birds are now 20-8 SU in conference (15-13 ATS, but getting double-digits here). Michigan has beaten the number in 8 of last 12 laying points away from Ann Arbor, but an article this week by Field Level Media points out that the Hawkeyes have taken 5 of 8 versus Top Five teams playing in Iowa City (including 2021 over our beloved then-#4 Lions)...Big Blue 24 Iowa 19 

#16 BAYLOR (-2) over #9 Oklahoma State: We’d rather just watch this one than predict it, but as we usually try to dole-out the choices across the various conference each week, we needed a Big Dozen clash. Bears broke the curse of conference opponents being derailed in Ames, Iowa last week. ‘Pokes had seriously-improved on points-allowed each of the last three seasons, includin’ mighty-nifty 18 ppg in ‘21, but the bane of the Cowboys’ existence, poor-D, re-emerged to afford the Chippies of Central Michigan 44 (24 total vs. the ASU Sticky-Bun Devils and FCS Albany falls below our radar). Marc Lawrence notes the Caballeros have been spread-money in 6 of last 7 as road dogs and excel big time when getting fewer than 12. We’re thinkin’ “over 56 ½” would be a reasonable selection, though Bears are young at the skills. State wants payback 21-16 demise in ‘21 Big Twelve championship game. Cowboys have a LB named Bumper Pool. Do teammates call him...”8-Ball” or “Snooker”??!!...Waco 37 Okie State 27


Oregon State (+10 ½) over #12 UTAH: Fer all its Oklahoma-transfer ballyhooed firepower, Somethin’ Cal’s offense was basically snuffed during 17-14 conquest over the Busy Beavers (special Vindicator no-prize to the reader that identifies the episode of “F-Troop” referencing that label!). Utes frittered away a 14-point advantage in 42-34 loss in Corvallis last year. UU has won 8 consecutive melees at Rice-Eccles by a minimum of 11, with 7 of those by 15 or more and are now 9-4 spotting opponents some points in Salt Lake. State is 3-1 SU/3-0 ATS. Beavers are 4-6 ATS in previous 10 roadies, but 16-9-1 against the number in PAC-12 tilts. Almost wanna’ call the upset. Almost wanna’ call the “under 54 ½” . Feelin’ secure-ish with double-digits in-hand....Utah 24 State 23 

#22 Wake Forest @ #23 FLORIDA STATE (“over 64”): ‘Noles haven’t seen the Top 25 since 2018, which means, other than 5th-Year Seniors, players on the team haddaGoogle “what is a “ranking?”! (Thankfully, a news article had already asserted it had been 69 straight polls sans Florida State until now ‘cause we were gettin' ready to start countin’ on our fingers and toes, then canvassing the community to borrow our neighbors’ fingers and toes to reach that high!)! State has seemingly carried-over the momentum of winning five of its final eight matches last season. Wake’s scoring defense has worsened in each of the last three games and hasn’t been money-worthy 2-8 as road ‘dogs the past three campaigns. It’s Homecoming in Tallahassee and FSU can make us a believer by coming out on top on the scoreboard here, but until they actually show us vs. Phantasm Padres, regrouping from surprising 2OT conclusions against Clemson, we’ll just stick with a point-a-palooza...WF 39 Tribe 34



BTW, the NASA brain-trust was left scratchin’ its collective head, wonderinhow Vindy’s predictions realistically travelled that far to begin with???!!!


Middle Tennessee State took out two touchdowns???!!! Break-up the Blue Raiders! (If fact, while yer at it...break-up da’ Jayhawks! 4-0 SU! WTH! Teams hosting Kansas fer the duration will erect backboards and hoops between da’ goal-posts to distract the Bluebirds to their true-calling! A “step-back three” from 45-yards would be pretty impressive by KU K XXX (more to follow). And UNLV is undefeated in four tries???!!! Somebody pull Cris Angel and/or Penn & Teller outta’ da’ Rebels’ Gatorade bucket!!!! 

Last November, the Michigan State Spartans HC Mel Tucker got a pretty-penny to hang-around the Great Lakes State rather than bolt for LSU or USC. The rest of his Monty Hall-deal included the key to the city, his name on a main drag in East Lansing, a private Leer jet, his own on-call UBER-ride, an Amana Radar Range and a year’s supply of Kraft macaroni-and-cheese! Given his current 2-2 tally headin’ into College Park, Maryland, we hope Coach likes mac-n-cheese three times a day! 

1994-95 All Terror Team (backstory to follow)... 

   WR Elmo “Slick” Jones: Sahuaro Ranch State College. Junior. 5’1” 235. Hometown: Yuma, Arizona. Major: Cattle-Rustling. Dropped nearly every toss that came his way this year. Fortunately, he carries his own yellow-flag, which he displays during critical 3rd-Down situations and often confuses officials enough to call defensive pass interference. May come out early to join the Canadian Football League to play with former Boston College smurf  Doug Flutie. 

   TE Edwyn “Tattoo” Tinkleheimer: Hayden University of Astronomy. Sophomore. 6’8” 150. Hometown: Utica, New York. Major: Alien Studies. Nickname does not reflect a likeness to the diminutive character on “Fantasy Island”, but instead is indicative of the preponderance of bruises on this warrior’s body! His slow footspeed limits his pass routes to 5 yards or less, but he didn’t drop a throw in over 250 targets this season for da; Milky Ways. He absorbs a pounding every game, but needs to miss more snaps to challenge for the AMA’s annual “Best Body-Cast Award”!!! “This kid makes ‘Rudy” look like a ‘cream-puff’!-Seattle Seahawks HC Dennis Erickson 


   FB Byron “The Cuz” Cuziniwicz: Armadillo A&I. Senior. 4’5” 290. Hometown: Ft. Worth, Texas. Major: Architecture. “The Cuz” grew up idolizing Robert “No-Neck” Newhouse of the Dallas Cowboys and through surgical-procedure, had his own neck shortened by several inches in an effort to emulate the former full-back role-model. Often gets the call on “short yardage” plays. Was injured in a freak masonry accident as a child. A piece of the brick is still lodged in his head.  

As a Tampa Bay fan, we thought 12 was supposed to be Tom Brady’s jersey number, not the total points scored by the Buccs on any given Sunday! 

Last week, Alex Trebek announced his retirement from “Wheel of Fortune”, to which, we replied, “We’d like to buy a personal foul, Alex.” 

Hooray Fer Da’ Little Guy: Big Ups to then-FCS-#6 Sac State for makin’ our vision of the Hornets dismissing Colorado State (41-10, with the caveat that the Rams lost their starting QB to injury in the 2nd Quarter) come true. Kudos to then-FCS-#18 Fordham fer tradin’ touchdowns in 59-52 loss at Ohio. Best guess in Week 5...#31 New Hampshire (42 votes) over WESTERN MICHIGAN. Stay tuned!


Black Shirt: (more to follow)... 

“Lock of Da’ Week”: The Clemson-Wake Forest marathon 51-45 one-upmanship surpassed even our thoughts on the “over 55 ½”, givin’ us the equalizer at 2-2 (.500)!  

Shoppe Talk: (more to follow)... 

Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Last Week:  3-1   Season: 9-7 (.563) 

Illinois +7 over WISCONSIN (frankly, we like the Illini on da’ money-line, but we’ll gladly take da’ points), Virginia @ DUKE “under 49”, Cincinnati @ TULSA “over 59”, TOLEDO –7 over Central Michigan,