BIZARRE ENDING TO PLAYOFF GAME EXPLAINED
KANSAS CITY, Missouri (ITAR-Tass)...Following the Chiefs’ wild 42-36 win in the AFC Divisional Playoff game, Andy Reid informed the media that, with Kansas City down three points, starting at its own 25-yard-line and 13 seconds left to play, he reportedly told Patrick Mahomes “When it’s grim, be the Grim Reaper”. Ironically, Mahomes would not take the field after that and it was his back-up, Chad Henne, who led the team to the tying field goal in regulation and ultimately to the victory in overtime. Meanwhile, following the “pep talk” with his coach, Mahomes promptly left the stadium in search of the nearest McDonald’s, from which he could steal milkshakes, as Reid botched his intended message and instead told his star quarterback “When it’s grim...be the Grimace!”
We came outta’ da’ gate strong(ish), going 4-1 (.800). None of those forecast wins came easy though. Sean Clifford had to extract a late March Hare outta’ his headgear to win and cover a tilt Penn State shoulda’ lost straight-up at Purdue (BTW, Palpitation State garners a bet-against status this Saturday in light of said draining-victory in West Lafayette and a roadie at Auburn up next). Houston-UTSA didn’t go “over 61 ½” until the second OT-session. Cincy-Arkansas finally eclipsed 51 ½ with less than six-minutes to play following a combined 20-point 4th Quarter after seeing only 14 on the board at the half. However, our preferred selections (“lock of da’ week” and “best bets”) were equally as bad as our regular picks were good, going just 1-4 (.250) after boarding the Artemis I and never getting off da’ launch pad!
Shunned by many of his former endorsements in the wake of his Oscars incident, Will Smith was recruited by Vin to smack any number of referees fer bad calls during…
THE WEBER KID’S 2022 WEEK 2 FORECAST
(Just when ya thought it was safe to go back to bein’ da’ water-boy!)
SAT. SEPT. 10
#1 Alabama (-20) over TEXAS: Gotta’ figure 55-nuthin' whitewash of USU (‘Bama’s first shutout in about a year-and-a-half) was a cathartic release given Tide’s loss in the National Championship game and flak Saban received after suggesting last season was a “rebuilding” year. We suppose, however, that a two-loss campaign (including the unsightly defeat by Joja), 8-points-per-game regression in scoring from 48 to 40 and increase in points-allowed from 19 to 20 per tilt somehow constitutes “rebuilding” by Tuscaloosa standards. Marc Lawrence notes Coach Saban is a demi-godly 25 of 27 SU vs. ex-assistants, but a mere mortal-like 16 of 27 ATS. And while covering 10 of last 13 facing non-SEC teams, Tide only 11-9 laying points on the road. Steers, in only second underdog role since 2018, are young at the skills but reliable as double-digit dogs of late and 10-3 ATS in non-conference tilts, though troublesome 4-7 against the line playing ranked opponents. Texas coach Sarkisian said, in what could certainly be interpreted as defeatist tones all but conceding the victory to ‘Bama, that this match will “not define” his team, he’s only “concerned about the way we play the game” and his goal is play for the conference crown. Wonder how his players feel about that...Tide 41 Shorthorns 14
Hawai’i @ #4 MICHIGAN (“under 67 ½”): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. The return of just a pair of defenders has been evident as UH has permitted 112 points thru two games to less-than-stellar opposition. Nonetheless, we’re not interested in laying more than a half-century with the Wolverines. UM hung 51 on Colorado State while keeping the Rams off the board until mid-4th Quarter and could very well notch the shutout here. Between this week and a visit from UConn next week, Jim Harbaugh should have lotsa’ time to sort out the QB competition and evaluate reserves before the Big Tangueray slate starts on 9/24. The Warriors, making their first trek east of the Rockies since 2018, are 3-9 against non-conference foes and 4-10 as road dogs the past three years. Fortunately, Timmy Chang’s team has two winnable games coming up vs. FCS Duquesne and at New Mexico State. Sing it with us...”Somewherrrrrre o-ver/unnnn-der the Rainnnbows...”...Big Blue 49 Islanders 3
#21 BYU (-3 ½) over #9 Baylor: Second-choice fer “lock” (and we got within a whisker of changing it to “lock” after initially pinning that label on UH-UM above!). We watched the Mormons move the ball up-and-down the field at-will in South Florida while Baylor enjoyed a walk-over vs. FCS Albany (2-9 last year). Cougars enter this year off consecutive DD-win outings and bring back 19 starters, including a defense heavy on upperclassmen and experience at the skills. BYU bested 6 of 7 Power 5 opponents in ‘21, have dropped just one of last 13 home games and topped 6 of last 7 Top 25 foes, getting points in 6 of those. Bears have just 12 starters back and though are 7-1 outright vs. last 8 non-B12 opponents, haven’t beaten anyone of note other than then-#8 Mississippi State in the Sugar Bowl. BU has been money taking points away from Waco, but...BYU 31 Baylor 23
STANFORD (+9 ½) over #10 Southern Cal: UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Not much to be gleaned from opening blowouts by both clubs other than the biggest margin of victory by Troy since the second game of the 2015 season (though 21 points came via three pick-sixes vs. Rice). Trees have gone 4-4 SU in last 8 in this series, with two defeats coming by a total of 6 points and Coach Shaw was there for all of ‘em. Cardinal’s two-TD win last season cost then SoCal coach Clay Helton his headset. Collectively, these squads went 7-17 outright. Trojans have covered 4 of last 5 laying points away, but show just 5-10 in conference play the last three seasons. SU has covered just 7 of last 24 PAC12 tilts and 5 of 21 as a dog. last. USC reeled in 24 veteran transfers through the portal. That’s a lotta’ new bodies to assimilate into new schemes and new coaching early. Both have work to do defensively as each yielded 32 ppg to foes in ‘21. Stanford has 17 returning starters. Lincoln Riley snagged 24 players from the portal. That’s a lotta’ new faces to assimilate into the new game plans this early facing a quality conference opponent. Following Week 1’s demise of Utah and Oregon, SEC analyst closed the lid on the PAC-in-the-Box making the playoffs...Polamalu Alto 31 Sudden Calzone 27
Southern Miss (+26 ½) over #15 MIAMI: Dropping 70 on FCS HBCU Bethune-Cookman doesn’t mean much, but considering Miami lost four of first six last year, including season-opening paddling by Alabama, new head coach Mario Cristobal will take it. SoMiss put just three contests in the dubya-column in ‘21 (just a pair vs. I-A clubs) and scored only 18 ppg, but appears much-improved across the board following 4OT 29-27 loss vs. usual-contender Liberty. Hopin’ UM’s trek to Texas A&M and recent history of ordinary ATS performance (5-6 last three years outside the ACC) keep USM in it long enough...Pelicans 38 Golden Iggles 17
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, given the magic Mahomes conjured up to pull out the late-game heroics that sent his club to the AFC Championship contest, we think Reid actually implored him to “...be the grimwoire!”
While beating up on Weeziana-Monroe in Austin last week, Texas QB Quinn Ewers had his car towed (presumably he left his vehicle illegally-parked in the transfer portal). Vindy’s spies indicate stealthy ‘Bama fans plan to pull the old “place the fake fire-hydrant next to the car” trick to see if campus police will at least ticket it, if not have it actually removed again! More thoughts on this one next week.
In light of “supply-chain” issues, many teams across the country will be unable to field the requisite 11 players on offense this Saturday! As a result, sports-bettors, sharps and squares alike, are pounding the “under”!
A documentary about former Notre Dame LB Manti Te’o’s catfish girlfriend hoax is being planned. Producers, however, are still in negotiations with the Vindicator because “we don’t kiss-and-tell"...without due-compensation!
Was it just us or did anyone else out there hope for recruiting chaos in the form of highly-coveted QB Arch Manning signing-on with a team like Texas-El Paso, New Mexico State, Bowling Green, UMass or any given FCS-squad (maybe East Tennessee State)???!!!
UNLV strength and conditioning coach Matt Fyle spent three-years as a member of the Army’s 82nd Airborne Division. As a result, the Rebels end every practice by running laps around the field doing the “Airborne Shuffle”. In addition, to instill confidence, players then pack their own chutes and jump outta’ perfectly good airplanes onto the field at Allegiant Stadium. UNLV players will be “five-jump commandos” before October! (BTW, you know the drill sergeants taunted Coach by addressing him as “Private Pyle”!)
Comment-of-da'-Week: Las Vegas Review-Journal contributor David Schoen, speaking his mind on Rutgers @ BOSTON COLLEGE “under 48”, noted “This just feels like a three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-rubber-pellets kind of matchup that should be shown on TV in black and white”. (BTW, the final total came in at 43 with the Scarlet Knights getting the decisive TD with under three minutes left).
As promised last week, more vinyl-disc purchases by His Holiness...“Supplicant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”, “Sacrament Night Father” by the Bee Gees, “Sacrilege Over Holy Water” by Simon & Garfunkel, “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Mitres from Mars” by David Bowie, “Papal Rain” by Prince and “All the Young Pews” by Mott the Hoople!
In January, the NFL circular-filed the Wonder Bread...er...Wonder Twins...um...Wonder Years...uh...Wonderlic Test as part of the annual pre-draft Combine. Just fer grits and shins, we took the online practice version anyway. Our final score put us somewhere between concession stand and goalpost! Vindy’s spies however suggest the league will institute a 2023 “wunnerful, wunnerful” test in honor of the late, great Ed Sullivan!
Before settling on the current nickname, officials for the NFL organization in DC known as The Washington Football Team considered such monikers as the Red Vines, Red Wines, Mole Skins and Potato Skins. As a fan of Game of Thrones, we cast our vote for Washingtom Lord Commanders of the Night’s Watch!
If a baseball hurler stares-down an opposing batter before throwin’ to home-plate, does he display his resting-pitch-face???!! More on this one next week!
Hooray Fer Da’ Little Guy: Neither SE Louisiana nor Richmond pulled off upsets over their I-A opponents last week as we proposed. However, we tip our helmet to Delaware (14-7 over Navy) and William & Mary (41-24 over Charlotte). Honorable mention to Bryant (lost 38-37 at Florida International in OT), St. Francis (PA) (lost 30-23 at Akron, also in extra frames), Eastern Illinois (lost 34-27 at Northern Illinois) Portland State (went down 21-17 at San Josie State) and former FBS Idaho (fell 24-17 at Wazzou) and South Dakota State (held Iowa to a FG and two safeties in 7-3 loss). Our best guesses for da’ little-bro knockin’-off the bigger-bro in Week 2...Norden Colorado over WYOMING, Lafayette over TEMPLE, Nicholls over UL-MONGREL and Eastern Kentucky over BOWLING GREEN!
Black Shirt: The inaugural 2022 Attaboy Apparel goes to...Nifty Lions safety Zakee Wheatley fer forcin’ a Purdue fumble at the Penn State 18 with 30 ticks left before the half-time intermission, preventing a probable chippie-FG that woulda’ eventually given the Choo-Choos the ATS cover!
“Locked in a Box: What starts with “L” and ends with “ock”? WRONG! Laughingstock! The Decoys left their tackling skills in a bubble bath back at the hotel and got crushed by the Paw Patrol, putting us at 0-1 (.000).
Vindy’s Week 2 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 1-3 (.250) Ohio +25 over PENN STATE, Texas-San Antonio –2 ½ over ARMY, Joja’ Sudden +21 ½ over NEBRASKA, Boston College @ VIRGINIA TECH “under 46”
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