TYPO INADVERTANTLY LANDS LOCAL HALF-TIME SHOW
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (TMZ)…Several months following a boo-boo by the Las Vegas Review-Journal that should have suggested the Raiders’ quarterback and head coach were making efforts to ensure all the offense was on the same page, ie...”Carr, McDaniels Getting in Sync” was ultimately-printed as “Carr, McDaniel Getting NSYNC” and interpreted as an invitation to a certain musical-group, which subsequently reached-out to team-officials to play at the post second-quarter intermission at Allegiant Stadium of the Raiders’ second-match versus the Denver Broncos this season in four weeks after the opening-season contest at Mile High Stadium.
Meanwhile, back in The Meadows, our Nevada Ne’er-Do-Well rode his high pickleball IQ to a 3-2 finish (7-3, .700 season) last Saturday as ‘Bama’s offense missed the team flight to Austin (and is still traveling by Uber on I-10). And we won’t talk about our Stanford upset over USC prediction!
While disappointed to learn OnlyFans.com has nuthin’ to do with sports, we did subscribe to a number of available-sites, ahead of scribing...
THE WEBER KID’S 2022 WEEK 3 FORECAST
(As written by King Charles with a leaky pen)
SAT. SEPT. 17
#6 Oklahoma (-11) over NEBRASKA: Officials in Lincoln prolly woulda’ told Frost to get lost even had Big Dread squeaked out the victory after yielding 40+ points to Fun Belt squad Joja’ Sudden as three-TD chalk. Though the interim guy is a former associate coach and knows what he’s putting on the field, significant improvement ain’t happenin’ over the span of a fortnight, especially against a Top Ten opponent. Corn Flakes have dropped 11 contests by single-digits, including 2 this year. Sooners won 23-16 in ‘21, have a new HC and are young in the secondary but have a chance to kick another conference team while it’s down. NU is 4-1-1 ATS against ranked teams, nonetheless we’re calling it...Oklahoma 35 Nebraska 17
San Diego State @ #14 UTAH (“under 50”): Utes enter this with revenge on their minds for last season’s 33-31 defeat in triple-overtime. Should the Aztecs fall here, it will match the total number of losses suffered all last season, having already been beaten by Arizona. Sudzu will be without the services of now embroiled All-World punter Matt Araiza, who is currently unemployed in the Sunday League. His successor Jack Browning looks to be almost as good (10 punts, 45.2 yards/kick average with a net of almost 43). For those interested in the spread, Utah is laying 21 but has covered just one of last seven playing non-P12 clubs. Utes’ games have averaged combined totals of 56 and 59 points the last two years. SDSU shows 34, 43 and 47 the past three years...Utah 27 State 17
Akron @ #15 TENNESSEE (“under 67 ½”): LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Again, we’re not prone to giving 50 points even in an obvious mismatch like this against Akron, a regular candidate for worst squad in the country the past three years running (3 total SU wins, two vs. FBS teams) and right “up” there with such dubious company as UMess and New Mexico State. Zips are 8-22 ATS the last three campaigns and did not light a bulb on the scoreboard at Michigan State. With a visit from the Gators next and coming off very entertaining OT victory at Pitt, can’t imagine Vols being terribly enthused here. Why risk injury to the starters for a full 60-minutes?!...Rocky Top 48 Akron 7
Liberty (+16 ½) over #19 WAKE FOREST: Almost took the Fightin’ Falwells +5 over UAB as a “best bet” last week but decided not to. Our bad. Former star QB Malik Willis is now in the NFL and the Flames go from 20 returning starters to just 11 back, but have split their last six vs. Power Five teams. Homecoming at Wake and the Forest has put up at least 35 points in 14 of last 16. Marc Lawrence notes WF has covered just 1 of last 7 non-conference tilts in Winston-Salem. “Liberty Mutual...only pay fer what ya need...on 3rd Down”...Deacs 34 Flames 24
#22 Penn State (-3) over AUBURN: Not havin’ any of our implied “trap game” nonsense last week, Lions belted the Bobblecats (+25), accounting for our lone “best bets” loss. Along the way, State notched its first 100-yard rusher since November ‘20 and will need more of that here and throughout the schedule-to-come. Should Clifford falter or get injured, Plan B behind true frosh QB Drew Allar looks good. This is the second game in the forecast featuring a team with revenge. Tigers lost tight 28-20 contest last September. Auburn is Phil Steele’s #6 Most Improved Team, but did not impress with 24-16 victory over San Josie State, who edged FCS Portland State 21-17 in its opener. The offseason was messy on The Plains involving Coach Harsin's retainment and a mass exodus via the portal. Coach and his AD have uttered all the right things publicly, but will players buy in or will we see some "quiet quitting"?! Hopefully stokin’ the PSU fires, edge rusher Derick Hall disputed Beaver Stadium’s atmosphere as best in the country, instead claiming Jordan-Hare is better...Nits 31 Big Cats 24
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, said boy-band (performer) is expected to perform their hit-song about a week-off between games…"Bye! Bye! Bye!”
This is the point of the season where we jot down the annual reminder (if you can say, “write on the chalkboard 100 times” is equivalent to jot down) “We will not pick against the Alma Mater!”
Previously, we mentioned Texas QB Quinn Ewers having his car towed while on the field vs. The Warhawks. As a result, teams hosting the Longhorns will troll Ewers by leaving replica tow trucks and movie posters depicting “Dude, Where’s My Car” in the visitors’ locker room! And upon further review, if Ewers had Allstate insurance, he would’ve been better-protected against Weeziana-Mayhem...like me!”
During the Northwestern-Nebraska tilt on the Emerald Isle, officials at Aviva Stadium offered free beer as compensation after internet service went out. Apparently, the Huskers’ D was in line for said-beverage while the Wildcats were mounting their comeback. BTW, it’s gonna’ take a lot more than a few Red Cups full of Guiness Stout, Miller High Life and Old Milwaukee on the house to sate the Lincoln-faithful!
Last month, Rob Walton, heir to the Walmart fortune, spent unprecedented pesos to purchase the Denver Broncos. Subsequently, nearly all concession stands at Mile High will be self-checkout!
On Sunday, Bears holder Trenton Gill drew a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct yellow hankie for using a towel to dry off a wet field prior to what woulda’ been a Chicago FG-try. The penalty yardage instead led to a punt. We assume using a blanky or roll of Bounty “quicker picker-uppers" is outta’ da’ question!
Cleveland revealed its new midfield logo last week...”Brownie the Elf”. Frankly, he looks like an annoyed version of the 1960’s Burger Chef character. Can’t wait for Christmas Eve, when members of the grounds-crew will replace the cap with a red and white hat and periodically move the elf to various places throughout the stadium.
Ahead of the MNF football game between the Seahawks and Broncos, ESPN analyst Robert Griffin III raced, and seemingly beat, Seahawks mascot Taima the Hawk in a forty-yard dash. Keen-eyed viewers saw the bird pull up short of the finish line with a hamstring injury, but Taima, with the help of some avian friends, getting a little payback, forced RGIII to take to his vehicle through a nearby carwash to clean off his windshield!
If Ricky Ricardo meets a current Dr. Pepper “Fansville” commercial, would we hear...”Luuuucyyyyyy...you got some fansplainin’ to do!”
Vin is filing a formal complaint regarding his low-rating (less than 99) as an equipment manager in the Madden ‘23 video game!
As the Major League Baseball season begins to wind down, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt star in an Anne Rice story about undead callers of balls and strikes in...”Interview with an Umpire”.
Hooray Fer Da’ Little Guy: Three of our four suggested upsets did not materialize, but Eastern Kentucky knocked off Bowling Green in a crazy 7OT 59-57! In addition, then FCS-#9 Incarnate Word took out Reno 55-41, #16 Holy Cross defeated Buffalo 37-31 and #17 Weber State vanquished Utah State 35-7. Honorable mention to Gardner-Webb who lost 31-27 at Coastal Carolina. Our guesses for Week 3...#5 Villanova over ARMY, Stony Brook over UMASS and, with lesser confidence, #1 North Dakota State over ARIZONA.
Black Shirt: This week’s great garb goes to Baylor OL Grant Miller for committing a false start at the BYU 6 in 2OT that pushed the Bears back to the 11 on 4th Down, leading to the incomplete pass allowing the Cougars to cover –3 ½.
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Rainbows-Wolverines finished “under” (barely!), bringing the lock total level at 1-1 (.500)
Shoppe Talk: We’re tying a knot in Big Al’s trunk before stuffin’ him at Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe after Tide’s last second three-pointer squeaked Bama past Texas, showing Nick Saban & company failing the forecast for the 5th time in 8 appearances (.375) back to 2021!
Vindy’s Week 3 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-1 Season: 4-4 (.500)
UTEP –3 over New Mexico, Colorado State @ WASHINGTON STATE “under 53”, Mississippi State –2 ½ over LSU, Arkansas State +14 ½ over MEMPHIS
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