JERSEY-RECOVERY DETAILS UNVEILED
FOXBOROUGH, Massachusetts (UPI)...Months after a joint National Football League/NSA/FBI/CIA/KGB/ Mexican Federales task-force located the much-ballyhooed-missing Big Game-worn #12 Tom Brady jersey in the New England Patriots' Super Bowl triumph over the Atlanta Falcons, officials disclosed the QB-uniform-top-gone-AWOL was found south-of-the-border in the hands of a Mexican "sports-journalist" at an "apparel chop-shop" in Tijuana. The culprit's plan to use the replica-jersey to dupe a local Brady Bunch fan into forking-over a fortune in pesos for a uniform-top donned by Peter Brady AKA Christopher Knight. DNA samples matched the seized-clothing to the player and was subsequently returned to the rightful-owner.
Your nimble-narrator finally garnered the highly-coveted Derek Carr-pool Karaoke spot alongside Weird Al Yankovic after turning-in a 13-9 (35-38, .479) over last weekend. Hopin' to keep Mo' on his side, and sponsored this fortnight by Bud Light ("Dilly! Dilly!), it's...
THE WEBER KID'S WEEK 5 FORECAST
("Resistance is Futon...fertile...um...fennel seed...er...funnel-cake!)
FRI. SEPT. 29
#16 WASHINGTON STATE (+3 ½) over #5 Southern Cal: MINOR UPSET PICK OF DA' WEEK....Coogs 34 Centurions 31
#14 Miami (-6 ½) over DUKE: 'Canes 29 Devils 20
SAT. SEPT. 30
Mississippi (+27 ½) over #1 ALABAMA: Ol' Mist has been the fly-by in the ointment SU and ATS-wise with Rebels winning outright two of the last three years, covering all three and snatching the spread-victory in five of last six visiting-opportunities. Rebels banished themselves from this year's bowls, but should go all-out here and it's tough to go against that kinda' history. Mississippi comes in off a bye following comfortable victories over UT-Martin and South 'Bama before loss to Cal. Margins of victory past three years have been 6, 6 and 5 and past two have seen totals of 80 and 91 points, but we'll call it...Crimson Trype 37 Mister Rogers 24
#12 Virginia Tech (+7 ½) over #2 CLEMSON: Tigers Dual-threat QB Kelly Bryant is the team's bridesmaid-rusher behind only Freshman RB Travis Etienne (but not by much) and shows nearly three-times as many totes and almost double the number of rush-TDs. Tigers rank near the bottom of the league in passing yardage, but are well-balanced nonetheless. Hokies, 4-0 SU/3-0 ATS, haven't really faced anybody outside of one-possession, neutral-site triumph over now-AP #23 West Virginia, while CU easily-dispatched Louisville. Tech will remember 42-35 loss in last season's ACC Title contest. Tigers have won 4 straight, covering 3 while allowing single-digits-against in three of the four and boast SUATS triumphs over both Top 25 opponents thus far. VT's tied for meh-39th in rushing ypg-allowed, but have not given up a ground-score yet...Tigers 27 VT 24
#3 Oklahoma: IDLE (And we're good with 'dat!...Next vs. Iowa State)
Indiana +17 over #4 PENN STATE: Second choice for "lock". Gators nearly succumbed to Kentucky one-week after pulling-out the win on a lengthy, last second scoring toss vs. Tennessee. The Alma Mater rallied to drop Iowa likewise this week. The touchdown-pass was only7 yards and Lions get to play in the friendly-confines of Beaver Stadium rather than on the road, but have to back the Hoosiers here...Nits 31 Indy 27
#6 Washington (-27) over OREGON STATE: LOCK OF DA' WEEK. In May, Oregon State chemists accidentally discovered the newest addition to Crayola's box, a blue pigment known as "YlmMn", replacing the now-retired "Dandelion". Beavers fans are just happy it wasn't another shade of green, which woulda' afforded in-state rival Ducks yet-another dozen uniform-combos!...Sled Dogs 48 Biebers...er..Beavers 13
#7 Georgia (-7) over TENNESSEE: Best guess for "wish we had it back" because it reeks of the LSU –7 over Mississippi State landmine, but Joja' took the wind outta' MSU's sails following State's convincing-upset of the Bengals with a 31-3 beatdown. Rocky Top barely-dodged a poor UMass squad that was minus a pair of key players on offense in 17-13 win. Vols have yet to cover any of their three FBS contests. UGA enters this one on 4-0 SU/3-0 ATS run and squandered a serious halftime advantage in 2016, permitting UT to grab the shootout victory. "Under" wouldn't be a bad choice here, but we'll back...Joja' 28 Tennessee 13
#8 Michigan: IDLE (next vs. Michigan State)
#9 TCU: IDLE (next (vs. West Virginia)
Northwestern @ #10 WISCONSIN ("under 51"): "Wish-pick #2"-potential. Both sides were idle last week. 'Cats 2-1 outright, getting past pastry-puffs Reno and Bowling Green, but losing badly at Duke. Badgers haven't played anyone to-date either (though unexpectedly blowing-out BYU). Wisky has taken the money in 10 of last 11 off a bye, but we'll eschew that stat against our better-judgement, as well as numbers showing Wildcats 9-3 ATS as road-puppies in past 12 chances and 11-6 against the line in B10-play the past two seasons, and call for a low-scoring affair with Varmints giving up 30 cumulative-points in three games and N-Dub allowing 68 likewise. Blame our ongoing tendency to try "totals" as the result of ongoing blunt-force trauma caused by banging our heads on the sportsbook-counter!...Cheese-Heads 20 NW 13
#11 Ohio State (-29) over RUTGERS: Buckeyes 42 Paladins 10
#13 AUBURN (-9 ½) over #24 Mississippi State: Tigers 27 MSU 17
#15 Oklahoma State @ TEXAS TECH ("over 81"): OKSU 48 Tech 44
Murray State @ #17 LOUISVILLE: No line.
#18 South Florida (-23 ½) over EAST CAROLINA: Pirates come in on a short-week following rare Sunday-match at UConn. Bulls oft-less-than-stellar defense forced a half-dozen turnovers in rout of Temple. USF, 13-2 outright in AAC-play the past two seasons, posted 42 or more points for the third time in four games and have great chance of equaling or bettering last year's output of 44ppg, facing only two squads that have some resemblance of a scoring-D...Houston and UCF. Buckos have their most starters back since 2013, but are 4-16 against the number in last 20 lined-games on heels of Sunday's SU win as a small dog. This week on the silver screen, a seaborne Johnny Depp movie-series meets football in..."Pirates of Da' Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tailbacks"...USF 51 ECU 23
Northern Illinois (+11) over #19 SAN DIEGO STATE: Both teams rested last week. Incas survived multiple faux pas on special teams and fumble on Pilots' doorstep to win (and cover) while Huskies toppled Nebraska...in Lincoln...taking 13...ahead of the bye. Sudzu boasts two outright-wins as dogs and 7-3-1 spread-record since start of 2015 giving double-digits. Four of five played altogether so far have ended "under" the total. Not feelin' da "warm-n-fuzzy" yielding nearly a pair of scores with SDSU's young O-line vs. perennial MAC Title-game contender... Aztecs 23 NIU 16
#20 Utah: IDLE (next vs. Stanford)
Vanderbilt @ #21 FLORIDA ("under 42): UPSET ALERT. This got a healthy-look for "lock" as total here exceeds cumulative points-scored collectively over past two years in this series (35) and is just short of 34-10 result in 2014! What do the Crocs have left after back-to-back emotionally-draining comeback-wins?!...Gators 16 Admirals 15
Miami-Ohio (+22 ½) over #22 NOTRE DAME: Phil Steele's #1 Most-Improved Team Leprechauns face-off against said-tout's #7 MIT Miami-O. Irish enter this one at 3-1 SUATS with only loss a 20-19 heartbreaker vs. Georgia. Our Lady posted poor 4-8 SU season in 2016 and has beaten 15 of last 16 non-Power Five opponents. Redhawks return 17 starters and more than half-a-century of lettermen from club that closed last season with 17-16 bowl loss vs. Mississippi State (Disclaimer mandated by our legal department: Bulldogs made post-season at 5-7 SU-record on basis of academic prowess!). ND is sandwiching a home-tilt among three away-contests. Going with initial gut-reaction...Fightin' Eye-Wash 31 Redhawks 19
#23 West Virginia: IDLE (next @ TCU)
Troy (+19 ½) over #25 LSU: Bengals 27 Troy 12
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, the controversial Pats' QB will be on da' cover of Madden '18. Available game-scenarios will include deflated balls and a stolen jersey because at EA Sports..."If it's in da' game...it's in da' gaaaame!". (In related news, Vindy plunked-down a couple of C-notes to purchase a #13 jersey with "Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!" sewn on the back!)
Yet-another quote from our AlPa does JoePa series...from "Scent of A Woman"…"You are in no position to disagree. I've got a loaded backfield. You got pimples."
Marc Lawrence's Game 4 strategy, as we mentioned last week, went 0-fer-2 as UNC (+3) vs. Duke and SOUTH 'BAMA (-4) vs. Idaho both fell outright by 10 and 6, respectively! (OUCH!)
Vindy's grad-school alma mater, Richmond, busted a school-record for points-against a D-1 opponent, hanging 68 on the Howard University Bison (yep, that Howard University, UNLV-fans!)
Even More "Hooray fer da' Little Guy!": We suggested FCS Western Illinois could down Coastal Carolina...and it did...to the tune of fitty-two....ten!
More candidates for Gaming Today's "Dirty Dozen" go-against teams...Charlotte and Mizzou...both now at 0-3 ATS and UTEP...0-fer-4 against the number!!
Odell Beckham Jr. was seen in a dance-battle with Oklahoma Thunder hoops star Russell Westbrook in the days prior to the NY Giants' Week One defeat by the Dallas Cowboys. Likewise, TMZ caught Vindy on film cuttin' a rug vs. Paula Abdul, an animated cat and a Shirley Temple hologram ahead of his opening-week epic-failure!
In related news, OBJ celebrated a touchdown Sunday vs. Da' Iggles by crawling around on four-legs then lifting a leg, simulating dog-like urination on Philly's end-zone. Officials were not amused, but rather than imposing a 15-yard unsportsmanlike-penalty, elected to rub his nose in it and force the Giants WR to wear a cone the rest of the game!
Kim Jong Un, last week, said he will "tame the mentally-deranged U.S. dotard with fire". But enuff about the Weber Kid's efforts to introduce "Vindy's Picks" into North Korea!
"Locked in a Box": The Berkeley Bears hung-tough long-enough at USC to raise the "lock" record to 3-1 (.750).
Black Shirt: The much-craved obsidian-undergarment goes to Arizona QB Brandon Dawkins for fumble at Utah's 20-yard-line with about two-and-a-half to play, securing the Utes-Wildcats game as "under 60 ½". Honorable-mentions to Kent State K Shane Hynes for 48-yard boot allowing the Flashes to cover +42 ½ in 42-3 defeat at Louisville and TCU K Jonathan Song for drilling his first three collegiate-level FGs (plus five PATs) to help the Horny Toads dent the board early-and-often to send the TCU-Oklahoma State game "over" the total as we predicted!
Shoppe Talk: Clemson (1-3, .250 season; 4-16, .200 last 20 at-bats) finally cut us a break, going dormant on offense for three quarters vs. Boston College. Joining the Tigers this week...the Spooners of Oklahoma and the Suckeyes of Ohio State, both at 1-3 (.250).
Vindy's Week 5 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-2-1 Season: 10-5-1 (.667)
Central Michigan @ BOSTON COLLEGE "under 47 ½", Buffalo –7 over Kent State, New Mexico State +16 ½ over ARKANSAS, WYOMING –16 over Texas State
