POWER FOUR CONFERENCE STANDINGS IN DISARRAY FOLLOWING UPSETS
BIRMINGHAM, Alabama (MSNBC)...The SEC is jumbled in the aftermath of falls by Ole Miss, Alabama and Texas A&M (in four extra-innings at Auburn) on Saturday, generating the possibility of at least four or more teams finishing the regular-season all tied at 6-2 (maybe even at 6-3). This scenario would put into motion a lengthy sequence of about a dozen tie-breakers to decide who actually vies for the conference-crown in Atlanta, including “hottest mascot” as determined by an independent panel of three judges, “rock, paper, scissors”, team pickleball contests, punter/kicking arm-wrestling, a “Man vs. Food”-like ghost-pepper eating contest, pitching pennies, most hits on Only Fans accounts and cumulative high school GPAs for active-roster players!
We suppose “turn-about is fair play”, endurin’ a forecast “L” via the hook in OSU’s 38-15 win, edging the total “over 52 ½”, producing a 2-3 conclusion (26-38-1, .481), after notchin’ the Week 12 half-point dubya by means of the Tennessee-Georgia game finishing at 48 to support our pre-game vision of “under 48 ½”.
Vindy was forcibly-removed from a theatre-showing of “Wicked” recently fer violatin’ the “no-singing” mandate by crooning...
THE BREWE DIS’K 2024 WEEK 14 FORECAST
(After failing to “check first with Allstate!” [Google da’ commercial! You’ll understand!])
SAT. NOV. 30
Michigan (+20 ½) over #2 OHIO STATE: Considering the big picture importance fer some of the rivalry-week games, we again ignore our own tendency to avoid including the same teams in consecutive forecasts. The defending national champions would like nothing more than to dislodge State’s hope for a bye in the first round of the College Football Playoffs. Buckeyes finally exposed Indiana as a poser last week. (Wolverines nearly did so two weeks prior to that). They also cost us our “lock” pick via a punt-return for touchdown. With a “W” here, OSU faces the Mallards in the Big Tankard title match. Big Blue has won on the scoreboard in this series three straight years (covering the trio, twice as the ‘dog). The 32 points conceded to the Ducks notwithstanding, State is gifting less than 9 ppg to opponents, but all three games vs. the Wolverines have finished well-higher than the current total of 43 ½. We’ll happily take the three-score buffer...”Small, shiny dark brown nuts with tan patches” 31 Michigan 20
#3 Texas @ #20 TEXAS A&M (“over 48 ½”): Second choice fer “lock” pick. What will A&M bring after stumbling in the four extra-inning-affair on the Plains? Despite our fictitious lead story, Cattle will grab a berth for the SEC tiara in the event of a roadie-dubya. An Aggies’ celebration messes things up. Horns have covered just 2 of 9 laying double-digits but average 36 ½ ppg. College Station Commandos light the bulbs fer 32.5 ppg. Texas triumphs of 3 at Vandy and 10 in Fayetteville might give Aggies a puncher’s chance. Last meeting was 13 years ago. Longhorns are on 8-3 “under” run, 5-2 “under 48” streak. A&M is on 3-7 spread-slide. Winner gets Joja’ in conference championship game. Quarterback situation for UT seems to be in flux, but we’ll rely on whoever’s behind-center, Manning or Ewers, to direct Burnt Orange to...Steers 33 TAMU 23
#16 South Carolina (+2 ½) over #12 CLEMSON: “Over 49” was our second choice. Tigers stand-in at #12 in this week’s CFP poll, up five (count ‘em, five!) rungs on da’ ladder (after waxing FCS Citadel?????!!!!! Check’s in da’ mail from Dabo Swinney) and sits just a game back of ACC-leader SMU. First appearance in our picks for the Pugilistic Poultry in over two seasons, initial cameo for Clemson on the year. Big Cats have just one loss after getting humiliated 34-3 in Atlanta by Joja’ and have shrugged-off Carolina in 7 of previous 8 pairings. Up to now, Tigers’ closest win was 24-20 at Pitt. ‘Hens lost 36-33 vs. LSU and 27-25 at ‘Bama. SC is 8-9 as a road ‘dog (2-0 this year) and was Phil Steele’s #14 Most-Improved Team, while Clemson was his #2 “surprise team”. CU QB Cade Klubnik is 4th-nationally with a 29-4 TD-to-INT ratio. Birds are 14th in scoring defense at 18.2 ppg. In da’ “Palmetto Bowl”, we like...Gamecocks 30 Clemson 27
Kansas State (+2 ½) over #17 IOWA STATE: MINOR UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK (Whatta’ we got to lose???!!). Vindicator’s Kryptonite...Iowa State???!!! Go, run fer yer lives!!! Stats/records/etc. ain't gonna’ matter here. Both teams have beaten current #23 Colorado. On a serious note, Utah wore its annual hand-painted helmets in Week 13 vs. ISU, inscribed with “Malana Lahaina”, honoring those impacted by the 2023 fire. Pretty cool! ISU has taken two of three in the series, but Wildcats won 10-9 last time here in ‘22. KSU is just one contest behind the Whirlwinds and a similar victory off a tie for the B12 lead, with nine clubs still in it for the conference tiara (refer back to our Lead Story about tie-breakers! GASP!)...Felines 31 Wind-Bags 29
#25 ARMY (-7) over Texas-San Antonio: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Line would appear to reflect “recency-effect” of Soldiers being dressed-down in South Bend. UTSA ain’t the Irish. If the Village People meet the Roadrunners of San Antonio, do we hear “It’s fun to stay at the...Uuuu-Tee-S-A"???!!! Back on Hudson River, the Keydets will wanna’ send a message to rival Navy. Ground-Pounders continue to top the country in rushing yards at 322 ypg. Roadrunners not bad at stuffing the run at #9 nationally at just over the century-mark per game. Que-up Dire Straits...”Money fer nuthin’. Picks fer free. I want my...I want my...I want my...M-R-Eee-eees 27 The Alamo 10
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, as a last resort, NCAA officials will send team coaches’ DNA samples to Ancestry. Com to detect any possible famous peeps in the respective lineages!
The Alma Mater’s narrow 26-25 escape from Minnesota almost got Vindy called up from da’ Scarlet-and-Gray practice squad band to dot the “I” at Da’ Shoe this Saturday!!!!
Crappy Game of Da’ Week: Texas-El Paso (2-11 overall, with one triumph coming vs. 2-9 Kennesaw State, who lost vs. I-AA UT-Martin!) @ NEW MEXICO STATE (2-8 in FBS competition)
The Gilded Flushes went 0-12 on the year, including three shut-outs and a loss to FCS St. Francis in Coach Benni Burns’ second-campaign at the helm after a 1-11 Kent State “debut” in ‘23. Chant it with us...”Trade Benni fer a Penny!”
During their regular-season finale at Vandy, Tennessee players will sport matching “snow-trooper” unis featuring white helms, white tops and white pants, conjuring images of Luke Skywalker’s outfit in “The Empire Strikes Back” on the ice-planet of Hoth! In fact, members of Rocky Top suffering cold-related injuries will immediately get stuffed into the stomach of a tauntaun rather than being sent to the medical tent! More thoughts next week!
This Wednesday broke a string of 55 days in succession with at least one NCAA or NFL game being played. We spent that “hump-day” depressed and in the fetal position beneath the sofa-cushions in his mancave. Fer what it’s worth, yer humble narrator’s therapist uncomfortably joined him in doing so!
On a serious-note, we offer a heartfelt shout-out to “Peter”, Herb Kirkstreit’s new Game-Day travelling-companion, a one-year-old Golden Retriever fur-baby, pictured not long ago on the “Rocky Steps” in the City of Brotherly Love. Can’t wait to see video of da’ pup navigating da’ stairs, raising his paws in victory and dancing in a circle after reachin’ da’ pinnacle!
Was it just us or was Joe Burrow’s bleach-blonde hair cut in July reminiscent of a younger Eminem?! Vindy’s spies confirmed the Bengals quarterback took to the preseason practice field alternating jerseys that bore the name “M. Mathers” and “Slim Shady”! Rumor has it he’ll star in a remake film called “3rd-and-Eight Mile”!
Offering a few final ideas fer customer-alternatives of da’ previously-noted Travis Kelce-owned car-wash...“The Two-Minute Warning”...alerts the guest to benefit from a scheduled time-out so they can look over the car when the wash is nearly done. “Deflategate”...employees are permitted to lower tire pressure to give the car better traction on the road. “The 12th Man”...non-employees provide cheers and encouragement from the sidelines for the workers to do a good job! “Move the Sticks”- package comes with a randomly-determined stick-figure family decal, regardless of the customer’s actual household composition, that gets adhered to the rear window at the end of the wash!
In Super Bowl Fitty-Four, Kansas Chief was behind by 10 to the Niners goin’ into da’ the 4th Quarter. With a little more seven minutes to play, Patrick Mahomes uttered “Jet Chip Wasp”, leading to a 44-yard completion and an eventual touchdown a few plays later. This year, anonymous linemen not authorized to speak on the matter, confirmed Mahomes, within the huddle, actually called “Namath Chocolate Honeybee”!!!
If the “Cops” theme song meets youthful offenders who provide Louisville sluggers to players approaching home plate in a baseball game, do we hear...”Bat-boys, bat-boys! Whatcha’ gonna’ do when they come for you, Bat-boys??!!”
If Highlander meets the NCAA Tournament, do we hear “There can only be ‘One Shining Moment’”???!!!
Vindy, while coaching his Lego basketball team, motioned his elbows back-and-forth, imploring his players to “building-block-out"!
We spent the week pouring libations of Tang, Yoo-Hoo and Mad-Dog 20-20 to the prognostication pantheon in hopes of gaining some well-overdue favor fer our picks!
“Wish We Had It Back”: We jinxed ourself, designating Aggies –2 ½ as our “wish” pick after scribing A&M was just 3-6 ATS and Tigers were on 19-9 spread-run and 9-3 when spotted less than a TD”!
Black Shirt: This week’s unlit lingerie goes to UNLV placekicker/punter Caden Caden Chittenden for tallying 9 of da’ Rebels’ 27n points with a pair of field goals (one from fitty-two yards), three extra-points and a fitty-eight yard punt to da’ San Josie seven in rainy conditions. Contributing to the local hometown heroes win-and-cover 27-16!
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Last Week: 0-1 Season: 7-6 (.538). Indy gave up a special teams' touchdown to the Buckeyes, pushin’ the total over fitty-two-and-a-half by a millimeter and lowering our record! Quoting South Park’s Eric Cartman...”Those bastards!”
Vindy’s Week 14 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 19-33 (.365) Real soon, I’m getting a free set of steak knives from the sportsbook manager!
Duke –4 ½ over WAKE FOREST, Louisiana –9 over UL-CORNROW, Rutgers +1 ½ over MICHIGAN STATE, Appalachian State @ GEORGIA SUDDEN “under 62 ½”,
