LEAGUE NEARING IMPLEMENTATION OF HOOPS POST-GAME PROTECTIVE REGS
INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana (REUTERS)...Auburn basketball coach Bruce Pearl, back in January, strenuously appealed for safer measures to limit court-storming incidents, citing the one in which Iowa women’s team star Caitlin Clark was seemingly injured upon colliding with an overzealous Ohio State fan en route to the locker room after the Buckeyes’ upset of the ranked Hawkeyes. Nearly a year later, the NCAA’s recently-proposed solution?...a trip-wire line of Claymore-like devices just behind the home-team bench that fire seltzer water, gummy bears, calamari, Silly String, toasted marshmallows, any variety of leftover Halloween hard-candy and capsules of red-dye #2 to help school security identify anyone actually surviving the unique-item barrage long enough to illegally make it onto to the floor!
We painfully endured yet another sub-par tally in Week 11, opening 2-0 before shredding a tire for an 0-3 conclusion for our sixth consecutive below-.500 outing (22-32-1, .407)!
Backed by the Taco Bell Live Mas student section, we’re usin’ da’ side-chick...er...um...sideline...as an extra defender to help protect...
THE WEBER KID’S 2024 WEEK 12 FORECAST
(Or as Andy Reid calls it...the “Bumblerooski”!)
SAT. NOV. 16
#1 Oregon @ WISCONSIN (“over 51”): We might be sorry for not layin’ 14 with the visitor, but again “logic” has been a four-letter word fer us. Gang Green is one of only four undefeated clubs left at this juncture. In July, odds on Drakes’ QB Dillon Gabriel to win da’ Heisman fell from 14-1 to 9-1. History says only 12% of preseason-chalk top faves actually gather that hardware. Since 2009, only one such contender ahead of opening day has done so. Jus’ sayin’. Meanwhile, back in the Batcave, Jack Del Rio has stepped aside from the Badgers coaching staff earlier this week in light of his arrest for OWI. HC Luke Fickell has not been the hoped-for saving grace in Madison, recording just a 12-10 outright record (5-4 this year) and no friend of betting backers at 9-11-1 ATS (3-5 in ‘24), with the four defeats coming at an average margin-of-loss of 24. The trio of Big Ten (Eighteen) were at the expense of the bottom third of the conference. Varmints got to sleep in late last week, show seven overall matches at or below this total and haven’t beaten the spread in a trio of bids vs. the Top 25. Mallards have walked away taking seven of their last eight games by at least three touchdowns. No reason to believe that changes here as Quack Attack yielded 9.57 ppg on D in those seven while posting nearly 36 ppg on offense in Big Tangerine play...Waterfowl 44 “Wish Constantly, Son” 17
#6 Tennessee @ #11 GEORGIA (“under 47 ½”): UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK. Tennessee +10 was our second choice, but Tennessee’s starting QB, Nico I’m A Believer (sumthin’ like that), is in concussion protocol and might or might not be on the field for this one. On the other side, RB Trevor Etienne will be out for UGA. We watched the Bulldogs take on the Rebels. Joja’s defensive efforts weren’t horrible, limiting Ole Miskastonic [fans of H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu literary works will know that reference]) to a pair of touchdowns and five (count ‘em five!) three-pointers, as well as snatching a 1st-Quarter pick (leading to UGA’s only TD) and successfully thwarting a 2-point conversion try. Before last Saturday’s demise, the ‘Dawgs had not gone down against anyone not named ‘Bama in its previous 52 contests! Puppies have failed to beat the line six of last seven (and the spread-win came when actually getting points). Vols have not bested Georgia in the past seven seasons [six of which losses came by 24 or more), but have seen this year go 8-1 straight-up behind a scoring-defense grudgingly allowing 12.6 ppg, giving more than 18 to just the Bacon Bits of Arkansas, despite one of the least experienced D’s coming into ‘24. Georgia’s tolerating just 18.4 ppg. Coon-Skin Caps handed ‘Bama one of its two “L”s earlier in the season...Vols 23 Peaches & Herb 19 (fer those of you born in the 80’s or later...Google it!)
#7 BYU (-3) over Kansas: BYU’s initial cameo in da’ Picks. At first glance, this spread looks curiously-low, but a closer survey of statistical comparisons seems to make the line a smidge more sense. Brigham Young was not expected to fare well this season, but here it is 9-0 SU, 6-0 in the Big Dozen and #6 currently in the playoff rankings. Coogs survived a draining 22-21 win in the “Holy War” at Utah (after which the Utes AD went scorched earth on the officiating crew as BYU rallied from an 11-point shortage at the intermission vs. a 3rd-string QB in his first start to win on a last-second FG following a defensive-holding call). Bluebirds (3-6 outright with just two defeats by fewer than 3) upset then-#17 Iowa State last week. BYU has revenge after 38-27 triumph by Kansas at Lawrence in 2023 edition. The one reasonable separation we see is Cougars scoring defense indulging foes less than 20 ppg, while KU grants 26 ppg...Mormons 33 KU 25
Boston College (+19 ½) over #14 SMU: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. “Under 54” not a horrible alternative selection here. Mustangs only ruin was 18-15 versus BYU team noted higher and lead the ACC. Style-points don’t necessarily matter if they top the conference for playoff purposes. Points-conceded are seriously-varied and five of previous half-dozen finals exceeded this total. Ponies have been on the wrong end of our forecast twice to-date, are off a bye and were beaten 23-14 vs. BC in last season’s bowl (after layin’ two TDs). First-year HC Bill O’Brien (and prior Alma Mater head guy!) makes his first appearance in the Picks (a la BYU noted above), has 9 and 8 returning starters on O and D, respectively and has lost by this many just once in ‘24. Frankly, an upset wouldn't confound us, but Iggles will need to make use of the 7th-best run-heavy rushing game to reduce SMU’s offense time on the field to make that happen... Stubborn Metallurgists U. 27 Boston Collagen 20
#25 Tulane @ NAVY (“over 52”): Wave is perfect in American Athletics play and one-win behind Army, but with two losses in NC (K-State and Oklahoma) already would not be the highest-ranked Group of Five team making the playoffs. Sea Shanties, crapshoot ATS facing ranked opponents the last three years and spending a very-brief experience in the Top 25 themselves, are a game-behind in conference at 5-1. Wave, under a first-year HC, played 7 contests ending at/above 53 and points indulged are seriously varied. Boat People logged an average of 44 ppg thru the first I-A games, but have dropped to just north of 17 ppg, including shocking 24-10 fall at Rice! Tulane did acquiesce to 33 at Weeziana and 37 at North Texas recently. As much as we’d like the Swabbies, defending the scoreboard at 14 ppg dismissing 51 scored by Our Lady, to manage the upset or at least cover +7, we’ll just foresee a high-scoring affair...Emerald Riptide 34 Sinbad 28
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Not part of our official picks, but we think the Purdue Choo-Choos could suffer a third shutout in four games this week at Happy Valley!
It was not a good week to be I-A football player on a Sunshine State team as five clubs all went 0-5 SU/ATS with an average margin-of-loss by four touchdowns. Ignoring UCF’s mere four-point demise, that average climbs to 34.25 ppg. Only Florida International (3-6 straight-up, though 5-3 ATS) was victorious, whacking New Mexico State (1-7 SU in FBS competition) by 21.
Crappy Game of the Week on the horizon (Tuesday, 11/19)...Akron (1-8 FBS) @ KENT STATE 0-9 overall (including a loss to I-AA squad St. Francis)!
Keep an eye on...#9 FCS Mercer (9-1 SU) visiting Alabama this week. We think the Bears could make things interesting in the first-half!
As promised, more thoughts on our Week 11 Lead Story regarding Vindicator’s trademark ice cream flavors. We propose...Noseguard Neapolitan, Sideline Sherbet, Man-in-Motion Mocha, Video Review Raspberry, Blitz Butter Pecan, Check-Down Cherry Vanilla, Halftime Heavenly Hash, Punt-Team Pumpkin Pie, Safety-Blitz Blueberry and Tackle-for-Loss Tin-Roof!
In a late follow-up on our Week 10 Lead Story re” Chiefs’ Travis Kelce’s partnership with a local KC car wash, we note additional service choices that incorporate...“Over the Middle”...hoses just bisect and spray the top of the auto, leaving the sides and wheels dirty; “The Practice Squad”...car is wiped-down by a bunch of folks who haven’t yet earned their way in full-time positions; “The Harrison Butker”...only male employees will touch the vehicle while female workers are temporarily-relegated to attending the snack bar (yeah, yeah...save the hate-mail fer somebody who cares! LOL) and the “Penalty Flag”...employees dress up as referees (including whistles) and hand-clean/wax & buff the car with yellow cloths! “The Cardigan”...in a nod to a song by his love-interest, Taylor Swift, Kelce’s employees must don sweaters while performing their duties! “The Time-Out"...lets the consumer briefly stop the process so they can tell employees how they want the next part of the wash to go. “The Coach’s Challenge”...allows customer unhappy with the final appearance to have site managers go to the monitors and review the results. If the wash is upheld, patron loses the ability to select the “Time-Out” option at the next visit.
Another synonym being added to Webster-Merriam's Thesaurus for “tush-push”...”Keister-Cram”!!!!!! (Yer welcome!)
Taylor Swift managed to attend Super Bowl 58 in time for kick-off, much to da’ chagrin of “Duds, Buds and Cruds”. Do we hear C.H.U.D. s [“Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller”] (Raise yer hand if ya know that movie reference!).
The Oakland A’s will spend the next three seasons wearing outfits that merely specify “Athletics” on the torso. Likewise, the former Arizona Coyotes will wear jerseys noting only “Utah”. Maybe both teams should get upper-body apparel, akin to that worn by Bluto in “National Lampoon’s Animal House” that just reads “College”!
If a Dire Straits hit meets hockey, do we hear...”Rough-ing fer nuthin’....checks fer free!”
In June, the Vegas Golden Knights kicked its two-year ECHL affiliate Savannah Ghost Pirates to the curb in favor of the new-to-the-league Tahoe Knight Monsters, out of Stateline, Nevada. We originally thought...”Stateline”? Cool, just across the Cali border from the store that Las Vegans swamp to legally buy lottery tickets! No. Apparently, the town-in-question is southeast of Lake Tahoe in the northern part of the Silver State, ” population 595...“Heeeeeeee-Hawwwww!!!” (Raise yer hand if yer old enuff to know the reference!)
During the Paris Games, javelin-thrower Arshad Nadeem brought home Pakistan’s first gold medal in 32 years. His efforts pocketed him nearly $1 million dollars, a buffalo and a Honda Civic. Meanwhile, the Vegas Vindicator, who trained the Olympian champion (Shhhh! Work with us here!) was gifted ten bucks, an African swallow (the “Holy Grail” fans will know that reference!) and a FORD Pinto!
It's a little-known fact that Taylor Swift was a secret member of the March 2024 NCAA Tournament Selection Committee (appearing in several glimpses during the CBS selection show rather than teams actually making the Big Dance). Ironically, the University of Missouri-KC ‘Roos did not make the field of 68, despite lobbying long and hard (but enuff about Travis Kelce’s night after the seedings were announced!)
Black Shirt: This week’s coveted camisole gets bestowed upon Indy’s defensive lineman Tyrique Tucker fer drawin’ a personal foul, advancing the Wolverines’ ball to da’ Hoosiers’ nine-yard line, ultimately resulting in Michigan’s covering score on 4th-and-goal!
“Lock of Da’ Week”: Last Week: 1-0 Season: 6-5 (.545). Coach Prime made us sweat thru the first half, going into a 13-point hole, but the Buffs (-3 ½) pulled away over the final 30 minutes at Texas Tech to leave the field 41-27 (a near perfect-score as we predicted it as 38-27!)
Shoppe Talk: Tiger-skin rugs are being installed on the floors of Ye Olde Taxidermy Shoppe this week as the Bayou Bengals fall to 1-4 (.200) back to last season after being demolished by ‘Bama!
Vindy’s Week 12 Best Bets: Last Week: 1-3 Season: 17-27 (.386, burning our bettor’s card as we speak!)
Western Kentucky –13 ½ over WEEZIANA TECH, UL-Monroe @ AUBURN “under 46”, Sam Houston State @ KENNESAW STATE “under 42 ½”, Southern Miss +26 ½ over TEXAS STATE,
