From 2010 Week 2 (who remembers the referenced commercial campaign?) ...
PLAYER’S GIFT CAUSES CORPORATE MELT-DOWN
CINCINNATI, Ohio (REUTERS)...From the CEO down to the line-workers who toil to bottle shampoo, employees at Procter & Gamble were in a collective state of panic and scrambling to do damage-control today as investors pulled out in droves and stock values on the NYSE plummeted while coaches, teammates and fans were left aghast upon learning Troy Polamalu had shorn off his hair and donated it to the “Locks of Love” charity so it could be made into wigs for cancer-stricken patients. The generous-but-stunning move comes less than two weeks after Head & Shoulders insured Polamalu’s trademark mane for $1,000,000 with Lloyd’s of London. Opposing players also mourned the decision that now leaves them with few options for blocking or tackling the defensive superstar. Asked if the non-profit organization had solicited the gift, the Steelers’ safety not he was not directly approached, but “they asked with their eyes.”
Indy shattered our “under 46 ½” all by itself and Ole Missed failed to close out the Hurricanes late resulting in a 0-2 tally for the semis (42-51-1, .451).
We’ll be joining Paul Finebaum on a big ol’ jet airliner to foreign destinations unknown, but not before leaving behind...
THE WEBER KID’S 2025-26 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP FORECAST
(Unable to get outta’ da’ blue medical tent)
MON. JAN. 19
CFP National Championship Game Presented by AT&T (@ Miami Gardens, FL)
#10 MIAMI (+8) over #1 Indiana: IU is a behemoth, outscoring opponents by more than 31 points per contest. ‘Canes have been doin’ their best impersonations of Criss Angel, Penn & Teller and David Copperfield. Yes, there was pass interference in the end zone on Rebels’ final play, but we don’t think the zebras wanted to set an ugly precedent leading to similar flags on damn-near every Hail Mary. Da’ U gets to play in its own home-digs, where it’s gone 17-2 SU the past three seasons (oddly losing twice to Louisville, by 7 and 3) and 9-4 ATS over past Baker’s Dozen, as chalk in 12 of ‘em and DD chalk in 11. Instead of hounding sophomore QB Dante Moore, Hooville will have to solve sixth-year Carson Beck, who already sports championship bling on his hand. Beck won't run much, but he’s effective when he does. In addition, UM’s O-line is bigger than Indy’s D-line by an average of 4” and 50 lbs. Not an end all, but can’t hurt. Miami dropped four or more sure interceptions vs. Ole Miss. Neither QB is prone to picks here. Beck has one in the CFP. Mendoza’s has six total on the season and his last one was in the Big Turntable title game over a month ago. Fern most recently took on Miami in last season’s 39-38 comeback victory by the Hurricanes when he was with the Berkeley Bears. Regardless of outcome, the playoff committee has already won, designating Indy as the top seed and resisting controversy to include the upstart ‘Canes over Our Lady. Chalk has won and covered seven straight championship tilts, victorious by an average of 26.8 ppg. Nonetheless, we’re abandoning our Big Tonnage allegiances and cheering the Pelicans. Since implementation of the CFP in its various formats in 2014, only Joe Burrow has taken the Heisman hardware and the natty in the same season. Dr. Pepper’s “Mr. Platypus” likes... Indiana 27 Miami 23
BETWEEN DA’ HASHMARKS
The back of the players’ helmets at the Cheez-It Bowl was emblazoned with the phrase “Wake up feelin’ the cheeziest!”, which leads us to contemplate other phrases on other post-season headgear...”Roll that beautiful bean footage.” (Bush’s Boca Raton Bowl of Beans), “For the stay.” (Sheraton Hawai’i Bowl), “Protect yerself against mayhem...like me” (Allstate Sugar Bowl)”100% cash-back-O-matic" (Capital One Orange Bowl), “My wife...is havin’...a baby!” (CFP Natty Presented by AT&T) and “No showers longer than five minutes.” (Vrbo Fiesta Bowl).
Travis Kelce said Taylor Swift gave him da’ “best” Christmas gift yet refused to divulge what it was, preferring instead to keep it “in-house”. Why the military secret? Threesome with Brittany Mahomes or what??!!
In the upcoming biopic “Madden”, Nicholas Cage will portray the legendary coach across from Christian Bale as owner Al Davis. The flick is being subtitled, “The Secret Lives of Ghost Rider and Batman”.
If Buffalo and Philly square-off in the Super Bowl, will there be an over/under prop bet on the number of tush-push attempts?
Bad Bunny has imposed a strict height requirement for his Super Bowl LX halftime “field cast” ...5’7”-6’0”. Guess munchkins and Oompa Loompas need not apply. Will Randy Newman’s “Short People” be part of the performer’s set list?!
If financier JG Wentworth was about receiving yards rather than money, would the commercials proclaim, “877-Catch-Now!”???!!!
Chris Coyne, winner of the Circa Sports Million contest and father of an infant, of his productive method, said, “I have no models. I have no Excel spreadsheets. I’m sitting there putting in picks changing diapers.” Hey, if selecting teams ATS while swapping out his Huggies works, who are we to judge?!
LEFTOVER HASH (Yes, we know that’s redundant). Vindy now conducts the annual emptying of da’ clip and expends everything we had in the arsenal that didn’t make its way into da’ Picks...until now. In no particular order...
If Romeo & Juliet meets a common 4th Down play, do we hear...”Good night, good night! Punting is such sweet sorrow.”???
In April, officials at South Bend okayed the sales of alcohol at concessionaire stands throughout “the house that Rockne built”. Since then, Irish fans have been seated in the Guinness and Jameson Student Section and the sign over the tunnel entrance to the field has been changed to read “Play Like a Champagne Today”.
While hosting the Ohio State football team on Capitol Hill in April, J.D. Vance bobbled the natty title trophy, allowing it to hit the floor. The Veep was quickly yanked and benched for the duration of the visit. Days later, when Navy, winner of the Commander-in-Chief's Trophy visited the White House, Vance was relegated to escorting the Middies’ goat around the premises under threat of being keelhauled in the event of a similar miscue!
If horse-racing was held at Disneyland, would it be “the happiest ‘win, place or show’ on Earth”???!!!
Papa John’s business partner Shaquille O’Neal was seen standing right next to the extra-large rolled-out dough tossing several slices of pepperoni...and still couldn’t hit the pie!
If JRR Tolkien’s fantasy trilogy meets the NFL’s Big Game bling, is it, “Da’ Fellowship of Da’ Super Bowl Ring”???!!!
If Ralphie takes his Red Ryder BB-gun onto the gridiron in “A Christmas Story”, will one of the coaches say, “You’ll shoot yer I-formation out, Kid.”?!
If a hockey player who’s an opera fan commits a minor infraction, does he spend two in the penalty Bachs?
Oregon played the Wildcats in Week 3 at “Northwestern Medicine at Martin Stadium “ in Evanston, Illinois. Gave a whole new meaning to Quack Attack. When changing the play at the line-of-scrimmage, instead of yelling “Kill! Kill!” Dante Moore shouted “Clear!”.
We’re all in on “DEI”...Dive plays, Extra Points and Icing da’ kicker! Or maybe it’s Down-and-distance, Encroachment and Interceptions?!!
If Queen Elizabeth the First was to be the starting quarterback for some football team, would she have been listed on the roster as “QE1”??!!
Former LV Raiders GM Tom Telesco on his selection method for the 13th pick in 2024 said, “Typically, I use a magic 8-ball...”. Investigators reviewing camera footage of the transaction revealed the vintage fortune-telling toy’s responses as “Not no, but hell no!”, “Go! Run! Save yerself!” and “Answer is cloudy. Draft again later.”
We didn’t know this game-related concept existed but apparently in June 2024, Joe Biden won a coin-toss to secure a podium position on the right side of the stage during the CNN debate thus allowing The Donald to deliver his closing statement last. What if the idea was taken further and the event was held in an open-air stadium. Would the coin-flip victor get the mic first or take the wind direction for the 1st and 3rd Quarters of the debate instead? Would lightning strikes within 8 miles of the venue cause a delay? Would the only props allowed be pen, paper and a Gatorade bucket? Microphones are muted when it’s not a candidate’s turn to speak. No communications from party staffers to earpieces once a certain number of seconds remain before the mic goes live again?
We’ve seen “Joe”, “Jane”, “Star”, “Friend”, “BFF” and….”Snoop Dog”!...but we’re *still* searchin’ fer that can/bottle of Coke that reads… “Vindy”!
Shoppe Talk: Adding insult to injury are the Hoosiers, now 0-5 (.000).
It’s been a long haul, Sportsfans. We’ve been making the Picks in one form or another since 1994. Thirty-plus seasons are sufficient. It’s time to hang up the crystal ball. My thanks to the loyal readership fer hangin’ with us all these years. We leave ya with our traditional Irish blessing...”May the road ‘dog rise up to beat you.” (Sumthin’ like that.)
Be happy. Be healthy. Be da’ ball.
Air Forecast One has gone wheels-up.
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