TEAMS BONING UP ON ANTI-SPY METHODS
FT. HUACHUCA, Arizona (CNN)...Teams, both pro and college, are lining up to schedule training here at the U.S. Army’s military intelligence school in the wake of the NFL’s latest scandal involving spying on the opposition. An anonymous "spook" talking from behind a curtain and electronically altering his or her voice let it be known that all participants attending classes here would learn basic and advanced techniques for not only detecting the presence of spies, such as the bogus equipment manager, the "art student" sketching "harmless pictures" of the game or even infiltrations known to former Get Smart actor Don Adams as "the old fake cheerleader with the bug hidden in the pom-poms trick" (often foiled by recognition of excess facial razor-stubble, Adam’s apple and...uh...Brazilian bikini sacks!), but also tried-and-true methods of defeating spies, such as reflecting sunlight off watches, bracelets, tongue-piercings and other shiny objects into the eyes of photographers; installing trapdoors under stadium seats likely to be holding spies; exploding candy-grams and the ever-popular "dropping bombs from paper airplanes on your opponents" (as detailed by the Spy Vs. Spy cartoon in monthly issues of Mad Magazine!).
Satisfied with just achieving a stable, kissing-your-sister-like 8-8-1 for Week Three (26-27-1, .490), we crank it up again with...
THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 4 FORECAST
THURS. SEPT. 20
#20 Texas A&M over MIAMI taking 3: Two teams trying to re-establish themselves as contenders (again!)... neither doing so impressively. Sooners racked up better than twice as many passing yards as rushing yards. Aggies’ tendency to stay on the ground gives ‘Canes a fighting chance. Miami sleep-walked past Florida International 23-9. No choice but to take the points...A&M 27 Coral Gables 24
FRI. SEPT. 21
#4 Oklahoma over TULSA giving 22: Sooners have yielded all of 26 points in three games to-date this year and have covered 2 of the last 3 vs. Golden Hurricane. Can’t see the Okies looking ahead to flailing Buffaloes in Big 12 opener since Tulsa is the more-dangerous foe. Despite what the home team did to BYU last week...OU 44 Tulsa 13
SAT. SEPT. 22
#1 USC over Washington State giving 25 ½: Trojans are less-than-exciting 10-14 ATS playing conference teams, but blew out Nebraska despite sloppy game (5 fumbles [1 lost] and 100+ penalty yards on 10 flags). Coogs lost by 21 at possibly-over-rated Wisky...Troy 48 Wazzou 17
#2 LSU over #12 South Carolina giving 16: These two squared off only twice previously in the last 10 years, with Bengals winning and covering both. First try for Steve Spurrier as a Gamecock. Tigers only 16-12-1 ATS over last 4+ seasons in Baton Rouge, but they’ve smoked the two teams they should have...and one they shouldn’t have! Even if Perrilloux makes only his second start in place of injured State QB Flynn, we still the D to keep the poultry far enough away... LSU 31 SC 13
#3 Florida over MISSISSIPPI giving 21: First meeting since 20-17 win by Florida over 12-point dog Ole Miss. At least one trend favors the Rebels in the revenge mode. Rebels seem to save their best games for ranked teams, going 13-4 against the line in last 17, and they return 15 starters from the 2006 squad that played LSU to a three-point decision in Baton Rouge. Crocs piled it on last week against the Vols, scoring 24 points in the 4th Quarter...Florida 38 Mississippi 20
East Carolina over #5 WEST VIRGINIA taking 24 1/2: Pirates have covered last five when getting double-digits, including last two years against West Virginia. WVU has squeaked by the last two lines by combined total of 1 ½ points. Big conference trip to South Florida on-deck for the Mountaineers. ECU played Virginia Tech tough...WVU 41 ECU 20
#6 CAL over Arizona giving 16 ½: We’ll take the potent Bears offense over an Arizona stop-squad that’s just not showing the experience of the 10 returning upperclassmen starters from last season. Cal also has revenge factor for last year’s 24-20 defeat...Berkeley 42 AZ 19
Rice over #7 TEXAS taking 39: Longhorns regain the services of three previously-suspended players. Owls have been horrible thus far, even losing to AA Nicholls State en route to three straight defeats and an 0-2 spread record. Well off its historical rushing yardage, Owls have also allowed 12 sacks in three games. Vindy just can’t bring himself to spot this much here...Steers 42 Rice 9
Northwestern over #8 OHIO STATE taking 22: Wildcats have been betting gold for 14 straight years prior to facing the Wolverines, with most of those spread wins coming against Penn State, Iowa and Wisconsin. ‘Cats owe it to themselves and their fans to show up this week after outright loss to (GASP!) Duke!...OSU 24 NW 13
Iowa over #9 WISCONSIN taking 8: From 2003 to 2006, Hawkeyes went from 10 spread wins to 10 spread losses in a season. Badgers aren’t really playing like a Top 10 squad of late. An upset here wouldn’t be a shocker given this season’s early results...Wisky 21 Iowa 19
#10 Penn State over MICHIGAN giving 3: The latest ish of ESPN: Da’ Mag says the Lions are using PS3 to train their quarterbacks. Buffalo musta’ had its own Madden ‘08 program going and got hold of a cheat-code book given the three 4th Quarter touchdowns it scored in Happy Valley last Saturday! Does blasting of Fight-less Irish mean Big Blew is back?! We think not. Lions did give up 10 more points to Notre Dame than Michigan did though...State 23 Michigan 16
#11 Rutgers: IDLE (next vs. Maryland 9/29)
#13 Oregon over STANFORD giving 16: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Ducks are only 20-13 ATS over the last four seasons against fellow PAC-10 teams, but have owned the Cardinal. Only one of the past three Stanford coaches posted a spread win over the Mallards. Jim Harbaugh fails in his first try as Ducks trek into the 50's again... Quack Attack 52 Trees 20
#14 BOSTON COLLEGE over Army giving 29: Which Hudson River U. platoon shows up? The one had to beat Rhode Island at home 14-7 in OT or the one that just dropped a heart-breaking 2-point decision at Wake Forest as a three-TD dog? President Bush said he would veto any legislation that included a time-frame for withdrawal of the Keydets from the playing field...BC 41 West Point 7
#15 Clemson over NC STATE giving 7 ½: Wolfpack still adjusting to new coach Tom O’Brien. Tigers would be 2-0 ATS if not for last minute trash-time TD by Weeziana-Monroe. Assuming the starters play all four quarters...Clemson 27 NCSU 14
#16 ALABAMA over #22 Georgia giving 3 ½: The Bulldogs are closing off this week’s practice sessions to the public. For a nominal fee, however, Tide players, coaches and alumni can view the video, up-linked via satellite by Bill Belichick...’Bama 20 Joja’ 13
William & Mary @ #17 VIRGINIA TECH: No line.
#18 LOUISVILLE over Syracuse giving 37: Orange catches Redbirds in Louisville at a bad, bad time. ‘Cuse, whose skill levels rank maybe a notch above Murray State, becomes first I-A squad to hit 0-4 against the number this year... Cards 56 Orange 10
Charleston Southern @ #19 HAWAII: No line.
#21 Kentucky over ARKANSAS taking 6 1/2: ‘Cats #11 rushing game faces ‘Hogs #4 rushing game. Arkansas only #105 in passing though and possibly drained by ‘Bama’s last minute win. Down 21 early, Arkansas got back in the game vs. ‘Bama when Tide missed a 37-yard FG and ‘Bama QB Wilson coughed up the football twice in the 4th Quarter. It would’ve been useful to know ahead of time that Tom Donaghy was a Razorbacks fan!...Kentucky 24 Arkansas 23
North Carolina over #23 SOUTH FLORIDA taking 14: Who’s hungry for a Bull sandwich? USF is caught between last week’s overtime victory against Auburn and looking forward to Big East opener vs. West Virginia ...South Florida 17 Tarheels 7
#24 NEBRASKA over Ball State giving 22 ½: State’s been a crap-shoot as a road dog last four-plus years (12-12 ATS). Third consecutive away game for the Cardinals. Huskers lost badly to Southern Cal last season and followed that up by crushing Troy 56-Zippo!...Big Red 45 Little Redbirds 13
Illinois State @ #25 MISSOURI: No line.
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
BTW, a former Chinese ambassador to North Korea has been accused of giving up secrets about the communist country to its Democratic neighbors to the South. Boy, that Patriots cameraman gets around, doesn’t he???!!!
Allegations have to come to light that Pats defensive linemen were wired to intercept Jets offensive signals during the opener on September 9th. A New England spokesperson has dismissed those rumors, saying the linemen were simply using the helmet transmitters to listen to the Red Sox-Orioles broadcast that day!
On the telly...starters, coaches and parents match wits on academic topics against reserves way down the depth chart on..."Are You Smarter than A Fifth-Stringer?!"
OJ Simpson was arrested for involvement in robbery of memorabilia here in Sin City. One recovered item of note was an 8x10 picture of Juice with J. Edgar Hoover. Items at the crime scene included a bloody 5x7 frame. Said Johnnie Cochran, "If the frame don’t fit, you must acquit!"
The February 26th ish of ESPN Da’ Mag reported a Brazilian soccer referee pulled red panties instead of a red card out of his pocket during a match. Hmmmm....can we get the NFL to issue red challenge panties and other lacy under-things to coaches starting next season and have something a la "the AT&T first call to the bullpen" like, "This first coaches’ challenge brought to you by....Victoria Secret!?"
Vindy noticed an AP article recently about a 17th Century diary in Switzerland that details weather "so cold, the communion wine froze". Funny...that exact same thing happened this past Sunday as the Irish football team filed past the altar at the Notre Dame chapel!
One of the reasons given for Britney Spears’ flop at the recent MTV Video Music Awards here in Vegas was that she showed up three hours late to rehearsal, holding frozen margaritas. A staffer close to the Michigan football team reassured media that the margaritas consumed by the Wolverines before playing Oregon were finished at least 12 hours prior to kickoff!
Well-known baseball card manufacturer, Topps Company, is in the business of selling out to an investment company controlled by former Disney head man Michael Eisner. Following the takeover, foil "chase"cards featuring players wearing Mickey Mouse ears will be inserted in random packs.
Is Vindicator the only one expecting some savvy guy in charge of stadium music to crank up Secret Agent Man or The Spy Who Loved Me over the loudspeaker the next time Bill Belichick steps foot onto an opponent’s home-field??!! As part of his punishment for the whole spy thing, Belichick must pay $500K, only refer to himself as "007" during all post-game interviews and must make a cameo appearance in the next "Austin Powers" movie!
"Wish I Had That One Back": The only tilt from Week Three that Weber had pegged as a possible "wish" pick was Nebraska and da’ points over USC after questioning Huskers’ ability to run on the Trojan D.
"Locked in a Box?": We rebound nicely to post a 2-1 lock record behind "upset-special" Boston College’s outright victory over the Bees!
Shoppe Talk: Several possible teams here following deluge of back-to-back forecast losses, but one of those teams has a history of haunting this column...those Florida Gators!
Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Last Week: 2-2 Season: 4-8 (.333)
Miami-Ohio +14 over COLORADO, Uconn +9 over PITT, KANSAS -31 over Florida International, Florida Atlantic -6 over NORTH TEXAS
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