FEMA DROPS (FOOT)BALL AGAIN
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (ITAR-Tass)....The saga continues for the embattled Federal Emergency Management Agency. In the wake of long-standing rumors that fraudulently-spent disaster-relief dollars have paid for everything from imported Barbie dolls from China to 50-yard-line Super Bowl tickets, FEMA is once again under fire for backing out of a promise to pay salaries of new players acquired by the New Orleans Saints. A spokesperson for the organization, however, has noted that players gained through the April NFL Draft do not meet FEMA regs requiring the players be picked up via free agency. Under the Stafford Act, FEMA can only pay for restoration of football teams to pre-disaster conditions, not improvements over-and-above those conditions. Apparently, the youthful talent signed from the college ranks by the Saints does not meet this stipulation.
Despite your host’s 8-8 record last week (101-112-5, .474 season), local bookies have adamantly denied being offered "bounties" by casino management to hold Vindicator’s forecast win total below .500! Tell those loved ones, human or animal (hey, pets are people too!), in your lives how thankful you are for them, enjoy your tofurky or turducken or whatever seasonal mystery meat floats your boat and wash it all down with your favorite beverage, but be sure to save some room for a nice big slice of...
THE WEBER KID’S 2007 WEEK 13 FORECAST
THURS. NOV. 22
#7 ARIZONA STATE over #11 Southern Cal taking 3 ½: Six straight Thursday night covers have gone to the teams getting points. So be it. Vin will dispense with the customary statistical and situational analyses and simply defer to the prognostication deities that be...Sun Devils 30 USC 27
FRI. NOV. 23
#1 LSU over Arkansas giving 12: A new bomb-shaped Japanese piggy-bank "explodes" (spewing the contents all over da’ place!) when coins aren’t inserted daily. In a psychological ploy, coaches have rigged the ‘Hogs mascot costume do likewise when Arkansas fails to stick the ball in the end zone on any given drive!...LSU 41 Arkansas 17
TEXAS A&M over #13 Texas taking 5 ½: Aggies have covered three of last four vs. the Steers in College Station, but only one of those (2002 outright victory) would cover a number this short. A&M did lose by only 8 vs. Kansas and trounced UL-Monroe, who whacked ‘Bama away last week, by 40 in September...’Horns 27 A&M 24
#17 Boise State over #14 HAWAII taking 3 ½: The ‘Bows have let themselves get caught up in shootouts this year vs. teams that have any kind of decent offense whatsoever. Broncos haven’t fallen to Hawaii outright since 1999, a span of six games. The streak continues and the BCS breathes a sigh of relief...Boise 38 HI 37
SAT. NOV. 24
#2 KANSAS over #3 Missouri giving 2: Regarding this game, Tigers defensive lineman Lorenzo Williams was quoted as saying "A storm is coming. I don’t know who’s bringing it, but a storm is coming." Vindicator consulted the folks at the Weather Channel and his own staff meteorologist. They said expect several days of rain and cold temps, followed by...Jayhawks 24 Mizzou 19
#20 Connecticut over #4 WEST VIRGINIA taking 17: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. De Facto Big East title game. Sled Dogs were erased by the Bearkats defense. Mounties’ D just ain’t of the same quality. Vindy’s preseason BCS title game match-up prediction of WVU-LSU is still alive...’Eers 24 UConn 17
#5 Ohio State: IDLE (next: Rose Bowl)
#6 Georgia over GEORGIA TECH giving 3 1/2: Dawgs need a Vols loss to play for the conference title. Meanwhile, the Bees are happy to have taken warm showers and worn clean uniforms that didn’t have to be beaten on a riverside rock. Mark Richt has consistently had an answer for the Wreck, even prior to the Reggie Ball years... Joja’ 16 Yellow Jackets 5
#8 Virginia Tech over #16 VIRGINIA giving 3 1/2: Hokies were efficient in demolition of Miami, scoring a point for approximately every 8 yards of offense. Vin picked the Cavaliers to win the ACC last August, but is really struggling to hang on that conviction here. Cavs have been living seriously on the edge, winning by 2 at North Carolina, 2 at Middle Tennessee and 1each over UConn, Maryland and Wake Forest. We would gladly take the forecast loss here to see Virginia play for ACC crown, but...Beamer Ball 17 Cavs 12
#9 Oregon over UCLA giving 2: Mallards are down to their second-string QB. Bruins are mired in three-game SU losing streak and still looking for elusive 6th win that’ll send ‘em to the post-season...Decoys 28 UCLA 24
Oklahoma State over #10 OKLAHOMA taking 12: Sooners lost stud running back DeMarco Murray for the duration. That might be enough of a dent in Oklahoma’s game-plan to give the potent Cowpokes offense a couple of extra possessions...OK 28 State 26
Florida State over #12 FLORIDA taking 14: Gators have hammered opponents in the Swamp by an average margin of 36 points this year and have beaten the Injuns three years running. After wobbly start that saw the ‘Noles even lose to struggling Miami team, State’s won 3 of last 4 coming in...Crocs 28 FSU 24
#15 BOSTON COLLEGE over Miami giving 14 ½: More of a vote against Miami than for Boston College. BC at least showed promise of a good season early in the campaign. Eagles haven’t beaten the ‘Canes in over 20 years. Eagles get a little long-overdue revenge against Coral Gables squad that has seemingly thrown in the towel... BC 34 Miami 14
#18 Illinois: IDLE (next: Da’ Bowls!)
#19 Tennessee over KENTUCKY taking 3: Tennessee’s only road win was at Mississippi State and Vols probably should’ve fallen to Vandy. BC lost outright at home to the Seminoles following a missed Virginia Tech FG that saved the Eagles late 4th Quarter rally. Could a similar scenario occur here? ‘Cats didn’t take full advantage of four Joja’ turnovers to beat the Dawgs in Athens...Rocky Top 31 KY 28
#21 Clemson over SOUTH CAROLINA giving 3: Gamehens win this one about once every five seasons. SC won straight-up in 2006. Rivalry alone should help Tigers put blown ACC title opportunity on the back-burner for a couple of hours...Clemson 19 Carolina 13
#22 Wisconsin: IDLE (next: Da’ Bowls!)
Utah over #23 BYU taking 4 1/2: Comparing a common foe, Coogs beat UNLV by 10, Utes lost a 27-0 shutout to those same Rebels. According to the January 29 ish of ESPN: Da’ Mag, a Utah teen found a porn video inside his Madden ‘07 video game case. That following April, scientists in Atlanta revealed orangutans were addicted to video games. Coincidence? (And why the teen journeyed all the way to Georgia to dispose of the skin flick in the primate cage of Zoo Atlanta is still under investigation!)...Utah 24 BYU 22
#24 Cincinnati over SYRACUSE giving 20: Warning...this game may include some content that is disturbing to some viewers. Bookies’ discretion is advised...Cincy 44 Orange Crushed 3
Alabama over #25 AUBURN taking 6: A victory over the Tigers would help ‘Bama faithful forget about the home loss to the Sun Belt’s Warhawks of Weeziana-Monroe as faves of better than three touchdowns. Tide turned it over four times and handed ULM 10 first-downs via penalty. ‘Bama gets back five previously-suspended players, including a pair starters from the offensive line...Tide 13 Auburn 12
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
OJ’s lawyers this week argued that Juice was really asking his co-defendants to bring cans of Sterno in the event the hotel room was cold when he asked them to "bring some heat just in case things get out of hand".
Ole Miss put 20 football players on probation this week for twice boosting radios and pillows (Pillows? Goose-down or what???!!) from local hotels, nearly putting Oxford, MS on the list of most dangerous U.S. cities. DC spin doctors, however, put the kibosh on that because the presidential debates will be held at University of Mississippi in September ‘08!
A new series of First Lady coins were recently released by the U.S. Mint. Vin always has been a proponent of recognizing wives of coaches who take their teams to BCS bowls!
Federal judges are considering redesign of U.S. paper currency to allow the blind to distinguish between the various denominations. Referees’ rights advocacy groups nationwide are applauding the decision!
Ozzy Osbourne sang at the Madden NFL ‘08 release party this summer. The crowd reportedly went nuts when the former Black Sabbath front man opened his first set with, "I...am...Gridiiiiiiironnnn...Mannnnnnn."
Back in February , marijuana and psychedelic ‘shrooms confiscated by cops from a vehicle occupied by two Gonzaga hoops players needed to be analyzed by the crime lab before charges could be considered. So did the lab staff do a little tokin’ and jokin’ to decide if the contraband was Gonzaga Ganja, Seattle Sinsimilla or Panama Red?!
Local Las Vegas writer Cory Levitan played goalie for ECHL hockey team the Las Vegas Wranglers last April and noted "a stereo speaker probably be a more successful goalie." We’re thinking maybe a Keno machine! Vin’s spies say Cory warmed up between the pipes by having players slap poker chips at him, a la Goldberg in The Mighty Ducks!
"Wish I Had That One Back": We "grudgingly" went against Kansas, even after noting Iowa State was "lousy at covering finales".
"Locked in a Box?": The Sooners snafu takes the lock record down a notch to 8-4 (.667).
Shoppe Talk: The previously-noted "Spooners" along with the Illini and the Golden Eagles of BC have combined to go 1-18-1 for the forecast over the past seven weeks!
Vindy’s Week 13 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-2 Season: 20-31-1 (.392)
MEMPHIS -7 ½ over Southern Methodist, Miami-Ohio +2 ½ over OHIO, Wyoming +3 over COLORADO STATE, Kansas State PK over FRESNO STATE
For those making their way to Vindicator’s locale for the Thanksgiving holidays...We’re coming in for our final descent into Las Vegas. Please return your seats and parlay cards to their full, upright and locked position...
No comments:
Post a Comment