“LIPSTICK” GAFFE LEADS TO ENDORSEMENT DEAL
FAYETTEVILLE, Arkansas (AP)....Doing some damage control this week and potentially at the loss of support from the traditionally-Democratic local city, the Obama camp put out word that the Illinois senator’s comment about putting “lipstick on a pig” was actually an inadvertent reference to the Arkansas Razorbacks football team in a momentary lapse of concentration, not an attack on Republican candidate Sarah Palin. Apparently, in the midst of Obama’s criticisms of the McCain economic policy, the radio frequency on his earpiece accidentally picked up a sports program broadcast noting the Razorbacks escape with a mere 28-27 victory at home over Louisiana-Monroe last week, distracting the Democratic presidential hopeful, who now can’t even so much as order a strip of bacon or...Heaven forbid...”pigs in a blanket” at a Denny’s restaurant without political ramifications, long enough for him to mutter the disparaging comments about the team. Seizing the opportunity for product exposure throughout the college football world, representatives from make-up giant Revlon contacted the SEC school and offered an endorsement deal. University officials quickly accepted the contract terms. Obama, said if I really meant to insult her, I would’ve simply said things like ‘When Palins fly’, ‘Palin in a poke’ or “In a Palin’s eye!’”. Barack did, however, continue on to note the Republicans do “live high on da’ hog!” Babe, Porky Pig, Pig Pen , Piglet and Wilson from Charlotte’s Web did not immediately return media phone calls.
In January, an asteroid originally thought to be on a collision course with Mars missed, but it did circle back and crash into...Vindy’s Week Three picks (5-12-1, 23-26-1, .469), resulting in his first sub-.500 week of the season! Vindicator dons tin foil underwear, a la the movie Signs, to keep the bookies from reading his..uh...mind! (Although wearing the bra on his head a la Weird Science has been effective in the past too!)
THE WEBER KID’S 2008 WEEK 4 FORECAST
(co-sponsored this week by...Max Factor and Maybelline)
THURS. SEPT. 18
#21 West Virginia over COLORADO giving 3: Before the bye, Buffs and their very young offense defeated I-AA squad Eastern Washington by a touchdown and are 3-6 ATS as a home dog the last four years. Mounties are 9-5-2 as chalk away from Morgantown and have had two weeks to stew about horrible performance in 20-3 loss to ECU. Earlier this summer, WVU QB Pat White criticized the school’s baseball coach for not pursuing more black athletes. He later apologized. Being a stand-up guy, Coach Greg Van Sant accepted the apology, but not before having the quarterback crouch behind the plate and field a few heaters from the staff ace...sans catcher’s mitt...’Eers 19 Bison 9
SAT. SEPT. 20
#1 USC: IDLE (next 9/25 @ Oregon State)
#2 Oklahoma: IDLE (next vs. TCU)
#3 Georgia over ARIZONA STATE giving 7: ‘Dawgs must be livin’ right considering they got a critical fumble and a late pick that got ‘em past a pesky South Carolina team. Devils were basically equal with or slightly better stat-wise than UNLV except in one category...TOP. Rebels held the ball five minutes more than ASU. Expect more focus from State this week, but Devils are just 3-8 ATS in last 11 vs. ranked teams, including blowout by Texas in last year’s bowl game...Joja’ 27 ASU 14
#4 Florida over TENNESSEE giving 7 1/2: Vols are 4-0-1 ATS getting points at home the past two years, but the Gators own three straight outright wins over Rocky Top (2-1 ATS), including last year’s 59-20 drubbing. Crocs seem to be just below the radar while quietly dismantling their first two opponents. This summer, Vols punter Britton Colquitt pleaded guilty to drinking and driving and leaving the scene of an accident. Colquitt hit another parked car and a tree during the February incident. He was suspended for the first five games of the ‘08 season. However, he did manage to drive the car outta’ bounds inside the 20, and neither the parked car nor the tree could manage a return... Crocs 20 Vols 10
#5 MISSOURI over Buffalo giving 34: Bulls, who return 18 starters, are now 10-5 ATS under Coach Gill, but lost by 11 at struggling Pittsburgh and had difficulty getting past Temple at home last week. Meanwhile, the Tigers piled up 651 yards of offense and ran their non-conference spread record to 9-1 with romp over the Wolfpack. Mizzou gets a week off next before Big 12 play starts...Tigers 48 Bulls 10
#10 AUBURN over #6 Louisiana State taking 2 1/2: We’re about to find out if the Tigers were worthy of one of Vindy’s BCS Championship futures bets this August. Auburn’s covered last three vs. the Bengals with final margins of 3, 4 and 6 (with the only SU win being 2006 at Auburn). State is paltry 6-16-4 ATS in conference tilts over the last three seasons. Was the scoreboard at Davis Wade Stadium in Starkville down to its last lightbulb at kickoff last Saturday??!! Given Tigers’ 3-2 win over Mississippi State, we’re thinking Coach Tuberville lifted starter QB Codi Burns and brought in Atlanta Braves pitcher John Smoltz in the bottom of the 4th quarter to save the win!...Auburn 10 LSU 9
#7 TEXAS over Rice giving 30: Third straight away game for the Owls, whose thoughts may be back home in Houston. Rice has covered only 1 of last 5 vs. the Steers, but have beaten the line in five of last seven back to last season and have won 3 of 5 SU as a dog. Texas got an unscheduled week off to prepare... Horns 48 Owls 13
#8 Wisconsin: IDLE (next @ Michigan)
ARKANSAS over #9 Alabama taking 9 1/2: Under provisions of the Revlon deal, freshmen players must actually wear the lipstick (shade of their choice) during all Arkansas home games, while all others simply have to sport the Rocky Horror Picture Show lips logo on the backside of their uniform pants. Hopin’ Arkansas will be Vindy’s “cover” girl...Tide 19 Pretty in Pink... uh...”pig”.. .er...16
Massachusetts @ #11 TEXAS TECH: No line.
FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL over #12 South Florida taking 28: Bulls off wild win over Kansas. Panthers are now 1-25 straight up in last two-plus seasons, but are 4-5-1 ATS as home dogs and lost heartbreaking 21-20 game in only other meeting vs. South Florida back in 2006 as dogs of nearly three touchdowns...USF 28 FIU 3
Troy over #13 OHIO STATE taking 21: Tough to determine psyche of the Buckeyes here following nationally-televised stinker at USC on heels of previous stinker vs. Ohio, and the conference slate looming. Troy beat a Middle Tennessee State club that knocked off a Maryland squad that tripped up Cal. OK, the logic may be flawed, but the Trojans ARE 5-2 ATS in last 7 vs. BCS teams...Ohio State 30 Troy 13
#14 BYU over Wyoming giving 28 1/2: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. Cougars reiterated message that they are BCS-worthy by steam-rolling UCLA. Cowpokes nearly brought Vindy’s I-AA upset alert last week to fruition, but rallied from a 13-0 hole to boot a FG with 4 seconds left to defeat the North Dakota State Bison...at home! Mormons are 16-8 ATS vs. the Mountain West last three years, while Wyoming is just 5-19-1...BYU 51 Wyoming 7
#15 East Carolina over NC STATE giving 7: First of a four-game homestretch for the Wolfpack, who still appear to be struggling with Coach O’Brien’s new playbook, having scored a total of 9 points vs. two FBS opponents. Pirates turned it over four times and had to rally to beat Tulane last week. We’re setting sail again...ECU 27 NCSU 10
#16 PENN STATE over Temple giving 28: Lions have beaten the Barnyard Birds two years running, including 31-0 in Philly in 2007, and aren’t shying away from putting points on the board vs. weaker opponents this season. State has also now covered 9 of last 11 vs. non-conference teams. We salute former JoePa assistant and now-Temple head coach Al Golden for nice job done making a longtime doormat competitive in the MAC Conference, but the Owls have no shot at an outright victory here unless they’re from the Shaolin Temple...Lions 51 Grasshoppa 9
#17 OREGON over Boise State giving 11: Geez...AGAIN with the quarterback injury for the Ducks! After covering all four non-conference games in 2006, Broncos have fallen to 1-4 ATS vs. non-WAC foes since the start of 2007. Mallards were sloppy, turning it over four times, in OT win over Purdue, but we think there’s enough depth and the Decoys don’t often miss the cover as faves on the Pond...Oregon 38 Boise 20
#18 Wake Forest over #24 FLORIDA STATE taking 4: ‘Noles have only one winning spread record in past seven seasons. Hard to gauge State at this point, with nothing more than two wins over a pair of double-A teams under their belts to-date. FSU did win outright last year in Winston-Salem, but are 13-20 ATS the last four years against the rest of the ACC, including 1-4 vs. Wake. Injuns hung six forecast losses on Vindy in six at-bats last year...Deacon Demons 20 Seminoles 17
Sam Houston State @ #19 KANSAS: No line.
AIR FORCE over #20 Utah taking 7 ½: Pilots have their fewest returning starters (8) since 2004 season (6), but have opened 3-0 and always seem to excel when they get written off in the preseason. They do have plenty of seniors on both sides of the ball and could control the pace enough with the option game to hang close to Utes team showing just enough vulnerability against good clubs to create some doubt. Utah did lose 20-12 in Salt Lake last year. Best guess for “wish I had it back” pick, but...Utah 23 Flyboys 17
#22 Illinois: IDLE (next @ Penn State)
SC State @ #23 CLEMSON: No line.
#25 Fresno State over TOLEDO giving 7: Second choice for “lock”. Bulldogs missed three (count ‘em, THREE) field goals...any one of which would have provided at least a temporary tie...vs. the Badgers, who managed only 13 points themselves. Toledo doesn’t have the huge linemen that Wisky does and will get the brunt of Fresno’s frustration ... Bulldogs 34 Rockettes 6
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Opposing bands will now crank up a rousing version of Roy Orbison’s “Pretty Woman” every time Arkansas has possession.
Black shirt: Vindicator hands this week’s black shirt to ...his alma mater for blasting the Orange in one of only five correct ATS selections last week.
A camel bone found this week in Syria may be one-million years old. DNA found on the bone suggests Joe Paterno may have actually ridden the animal in his childhood at some ancient petting zoo near the archaeological site!
Madame Tussaud’s in London is shipping Hitler’s statue back to Germany. In related news, with yet another Simpson trial circus in town, the Vegas branch is sending OJ’s wax likeness back to...USC!
With all due respect to USC and the Oregon schools, given outright wins by UNLV, TCU, BYU and New Mexico over Arizona State, Stanford, UCLA and Arizona, respectively, maybe that organization of teams from the Left Coast should rename itself the Packed It In Ten or at least the Mountain Farther West Conference!
Correction: Last week, we noted a trip to Happy Valley this week might be a distraction for the Illini, when in fact they have a bye this week. Likewise for UNLV and UNR, who don’t play each other until 9/27.
In February, Roger Goodell said Bill Belichick has been taping opponents since 2000. Belichick continues to deny the accusation. We say “Horse hockey!”.....Bill’s been at it so long, he’s got other teams’ defensive signals on Betamax!
“Locked in a Box?”: The Alma Mater came through nicely and blasted the Orange to push the lock record to 2-1 (.667).
Shoppe Talk: The stuffed elephant in the middle of the room that Vindy doesn’t wanna’ talk about is Alabama at 0-3. Still on the perch are the War Eagles of Auburn...also hanging a third forecast loss on your nitwitted narrator!
Vindy’s Week 4 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-1 Season: 8-4 (.667)
Iowa +1 over PITT, Houston -6 over COLORADO STATE, Akron -9 ½ over ARMY, Iowa State +2 1/2 over UNLV (Rebels go for their third straight spread win, which hasn’t happened since mid-2001)
And now we’re going to e-mail this week’s picks to announcer Tony Kornheiser...in Spanish!
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