VEHICLE ACCIDENT BRINGS LEGAL CONSEQUENCES FOR PLAYER
PORTLAND, Oregon (AP)…Already sidelined for two games following his on-the-field misbehavior, Detroit’s Ndamukong Suh now faces civil and criminal charges by the National Forestry Service, the Department of the Interior and the Environmental Protection Agency after crashing his 1970 Chevy Coupe into a tree last Saturday night in his hometown. Suh and his two passengers walked away unhurt, but the traffic cam on a nearby light pole captured the Lions’ defensive tackle stomping the fallen elm. Forensic scientists for the Portland PD confirmed the presence of puncture marks consistent with the cleats Suh was wearing at the time of the accident, not only on the tree, but also on a curb, the aforementioned lamp post and a water fountain, all of which were clipped by the car as it careened off the road. Reached for comment later, Mike Tyson said he was “appalled” at the player’s antics.
Championship Week left us at an unhappy 6-6 (106-138-2, .432). In related news, Las Vegas was named the 10th “saddest city” in the country and that was before the folks at Men’s Health Magazine got a look at the fallout from…
THE WEBER KID’S 2011 ARMY-NAVY FORECAST
(Pulling KP duty at halftime!)
Navy over Army giving 7 (@ Landover, MD): The outcome here impacts…nothing but pride, as neither the Cadets (3-8 SU; beating Northwestern, Tulane and FCS-Fordham…all on the home obstacle course at West Point and two close losses…by 3 at San Diego State and 7 to Miami-Ohio) nor the Midshipmen (4-7 SU) qualify for the post-season, and the Commander-in-Chief Trophy already belongs to Air Force, who beat them both (Navy by 1 on the road, Army by 10 at home). In the other common-opponent game, Army lost by 15 on a neutral site to the Scarlet Knights. Navy lost at Rutgers by 1 in the true road game. Neither squad is particularly attractive against the spread either with Army at 4-6 ATS and Navy at dart-throw-worthy 5-5. Following up on a tidy tidbit by Marc Lawrence’s Playbook.Com , the Soldiers have marched away with an outright win in just one of last 17 facing other service schools since 2003. That same pub would now show the Ensigns winning 15 of their last 17 straight-up vs. military academies since that same year (covering 14 of ‘em!). Middies are bowl-less for first time since 2002. Navy brought back just 3 starters on the stop-side of the ball, but outside giving away the farm to Southern Miss and Notre Dame, the scoring-defense wasn’t terrible, yielding 27 ppg (up 4 ppg from last year’s overall tally) and the Sailors are respectable 4-2 ATS away from the home marina (though four of those six games ended up in SU defeats). Omitting 55 vs. AA-Fordham, Army’s offensive output has taken a nose-dive, going from average of 26 points per game through the end of October to roughly half of that, at just 13.3 ppg in its three November matches. Despite a plus-eight turnover margin, Middies will absorb their lowest SU-win total since registering just a pair of victories in 2002, but have 5 losses by total of 11 points on the year, including a three-point loss at ranked South Carolina that came prior to the Poultry’s loss of Marcus Lattimore to injury. Army missed playing anyone from the Top 25 for the fourth consecutive season. And minus the aforementioned games, have lost the remainder of this season’s tilts by at least two touchdowns. Army last knocked off a fellow service academy in 2005 (beating an Air Force team that went 4-7 that year) and has been on the wrong side of the turnover margin (currently -8) for the first time in three seasons. As always, both sides are run-heavy, as Army tops the country in rushing yardage and rushing yards per game, while Navy comes in at #5 nationally (and could move to 4th in yardage and 3rd in per game average with a solid outing) and draw less than a combined 7 flags per game between ‘em, so it should be a fairly-quickly moving affair. Navy does have a little more than a moment-of-prayer for the passing game, throwing for 10 scores while suffering 6 interceptions. Army has a 4-4 ratio. Gettin’ down (-periscope) to brass tack(le)s, we think the Middies will get enough turnovers and go on to cover the victory, which we’ll predict to be….Boat People 30 Ground-Pounders 19
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
From a recent military-academy Political Science multiple-guess exam…”Arab Spring” is a…
a) brand of soap
b) body of water
c) part of a Middle-Eastern mattress
d) season that precedes Indian Summer
e) play Coach reserves for the two-point conversion
Vindy can “Name That Platoon” in less than three notes!
If a team develops runny noses after facing the Middies, is it considered post-Naval drip???!!!!
If an opposing skater gets knocked off the puck by a Middie, is it “a ship-check and a beauty”????
If Saruman from Lord of the Rings coached either team this week, would his pre-game or halftime speech include, “You do not know pain. You do not know fear. You will taste...man-flesh!!!”
AFLAC has taken over sponsorship of the Heisman Trophy. Can’t wait to see the duck present the hardware to the winner, who will then extoll the virtues of having medical coverage and the cash to pay da’ bills following injury on the field!!!!.
BTW, responding to an open audition to be the new voice of the AFLAC duck following the dismissal of Gilbert Gottfried, the fab forecaster didn’t make the cut as the result of continually babbling, “Haaaaaalffback!”
As ABC Family runs its holiday-programming, including the Harry Potter series, we note there was really no need for the ‘books to worry about the lockouts of the NFL and NBA. There was always the hope of increased wagering on Quidditch!
Also on the small screen, a new holiday special… Dr. Seuss meets the NHL, as Mike Myers laces up the skates and scores three goals in…”A Cat in Da’ Hat-Trick”!!!!
Venus Williams made a hasty exit from the court during a “friendly” in Italy over the weekend as one of her own line of clothing nearly left more than her game exposed. Perhaps the self-described “eleVen” line should be known as “eleVent”!
“Wish I Had That One Back”: We switched our initials picks on not only Oklahoma State as noted, but also on New Mexico! Those decisions cost us a pair of forecast dubyas! OUCH!
“Locked in a Box?”: In rare Thursday night “lock” pick, the Mouseketeers of West Virginia made it interesting, but won as a pick ‘em and take the tally to .500 at 7-7.
Shoppe Talk: Michigan State (1-8, .111) and Wisconsin (4-8, .333) finally cut us a break, but Virginia Tech (1-11, .083), Clemson (3-8, .272) and Oklahoma State (3-9, .250) and took us out behind the woodshed… AGAIN!
Vindy’s Best Bets: Last Week: 2-1 Season: 33-33-1 (.500)
Army-Navy “under” 57 ½
Don’t touch that dial-up Internet….we’ll be back around December 17 with the first installment of our infamous bowl predictions!
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