NAVAL FLIPPERS GET NEW GIG
SAN DIEGO, California (AP)…Robot-technology is leading to the eventual replacement of the Navy’s mine-sniffing dolphins. But former-members of the USN’s marine-mammal national defense program are not obsolete. They’re just being assigned elsewhere. The dolphins, formerly-employed to pinpoint enemy divers and floating explosives, in places such as Bahrain and Iraq, will now patrol the perimeters of Sin City sportsbooks and casino resort pools, identifying and marking bogus wagers based on the Vindicator’s weekly picks, which, though detected by natural sonar abilities of the sea creatures, also emit an odor so foul, they can be noticed underwater just by the smell!
We put a nifty 7-3 Championship Week (119-123, .492) in da’ ledger, but even the Middies’ goat refuses to chow-down on…
THE WEBER KID’S 2012 ARMY-NAVY FORECAST
(Being tattooed on Colin Kaepernick’s body as we speak!)
Army (+7) over Navy (56 ½) (@ Philadelphia, PA): The West-Pointers, at 2-9 SU (including a 23-3 home loss to FCS Stony Brook), have no post-season opportunity, but have more inspiration to play harder this year than last with the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy on the line in this match-up (which hasn’t happened since 2005), with both clubs already having beaten Air Force earlier (Army at home by 20, Navy in Colorado Springs by 7). Navy’s locked into the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl vs. Arizona State, regardless of the outcome. History since 2003 obscenely-favors the Middies, both outright and against the spread, but a look at the last 2+ seasons shows Army going 1-4 SU vs. the other academies but covering 3 of ‘em,, while Navy has won and covered three of the five. Cadets lost to the Love Boat by 14 each in 2009 and 2010, but by just 6 in 2011’s covering loss. Neither has been good to betting-backers, each recording a 3-7 ATS tally to-date. First official appearance in the ‘Picks for Navy this year, though we’ve cashed three Best Bet tickets in four tries, betting vs. the Sailors in those three wins (Army yielded one Best Bet win in two attempts and a forecast loss a few weeks ago in cover at Rutgers). Army senior QB Trent Steelman leads the team in rushing, averaging over the century-mark in yards per game and contributes to his team’s overall #1 running attack. Conversely, the Argonauts feature freshman quarterback Keenan Reynolds, who’s just 3rd in rushing for his squad. Army has four covers in last 30 tries with time off. Neither unit has played since November 17. The game-clock will get little rest, stopping only on change-of-possession and TV time-outs, with both sides preferring the run-first, second- and third- approach and collectively drawing less than 8 flags per contest. Both clubs score about 25 points per game. Middies give up under 24 points a game (not bad considering 50-10 season-opening blowout loss, which, little did we know at the time, portended much-bigger things for then-unranked Notre Dame). Game total, starting with ’09, has been 20, 48 and 48 the last three years. Army is minus-six in turnovers and allows about 37 points per game, including 62-32 defeat at Temple prior to the off-weeks. We look for more touchdowns than field goals as Middies average one three-point boot per game and Army’s freshman kicker connected on only 10 of 16 tries all season. If it comes down to a pressure kick, Ensigns will also put a freshman on the field, but he’s hit 9 of 13. We’ve seen more than our share of upsets in a season dominated by the underdogs, but the Middies have won SU the last 10 years and we’re content to just take da’ points…Armada 28 Infantry 23
BETWEEN THE HASHMARKS
Regarding the reluctance to actually the throw da’ ball, we could easily see Gandalf the Grey as offensive coordinator on either sideline, telling his charges….”Youuuuuu…shall not…paasssssssssss!”
The Queen Mum and James Bond-actor Daniel Craig (or at least their respective stunt-stand-ins) parachuted into Olympic Stadium to open the Summer Games in London. Vindy’ spies say the actual 86-year-old British matriarch and Sean Connery will jump out of a perfectly-good airplane to do likewise to deliver the metal currency to be used for the opening coin-toss of this one!
In related news, in the wake of his earlier visit to Vegas, Prince Harry will also be asked to emulate, kind of, her Majesty’s role at this year’s Summer Games, exiting an aircraft of similar-condition over the Olympic Stadium at the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi, Russia. The difference? He’ll be au natural…and sans the parachute…and da’ stunt-double!!!!
The Pentagon plans to cut da’ number of combat brigades from 45, to as low as 32, to save money. In a like move, West Point will conserve funds by reducing scholarships and fielding only seven players on each side of the ball!
USN officials said their new radio system may be keeping some people in southeastern Connecticut from opening and closing their garage doors. UConn did not appear on Navy’s 2012 schedule, but the Middies are considering use of the relevant gadgetry to impact doors on the Army lockers to get inside the Cadets’ heads prior to the game…and at halftime!
The Navy has returned to using old ships for target practice after a two-year moratorium due to environmental and cost concerns. First-up…the HMS Vindicator!
We haven’t spent much time this season heaping praise upon the zebras…at any level…but we must give kudos to the officiating crew at the MAC Championship between Kent State and Northern Illinois (at least in regulation, ‘cuz we switched channels when said game went to extras) for being spot-on with their calls. Many were reviewed… and all found to be accurate. For us or against us, all we ask is…get it right.
The Denver Broncos’ opening drive this past Sunday vs. Tampa Bay resulted in a TD-pass to a nose-tackle-eligible???!!! We’d expect that to work against the Iggles, not the Buccaneers!
Black Shirt: We issue multiple ebony undergarments again this week…to Tulsa’s DE Cory Dorris and LB Trent Martin, though ultimately to Central Florida DB AJ Bouye, for a combination of blocked extra-points and an OT FG eventually leading to the Hurricane’s winning cover (as opposed to a 1-point SU win and spread-push in regulation or…GASP!...a 1-point SU loss), giving Vindy a 7th forecast dubya rather than stalling the ‘Picks at 6-3-1 or 6-4.
“Locked in a Box?”: Tulsa’s ATS win also raises the lock record to 4-10 (.286)
Shoppe Talk: One of our Championship Week detractors was, of course, Florida State (3-8, .272). Joja’ gets an engraved holiday invitation , biting us for the fifth straight time!
Vindy’s Army-Navy Best Bets: none Last Week: 1-2 Season: 36-32-1 (.529)
(Officer) On-deck…somewhere around December 13 or 14, the first 2012 installation of the Weber Kid’s infamous bowl picks!
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