YANKEE
UNIVERSITY PERPETRATES INTERNATIONAL “TRICK-NO-TREAT”
XINXIANG,
China (BBC)…Local administrators allowed middle-schoolers to take a final
exam at desks amidst nicely-arranged groups of trees near a local educational
facility to provide a more-soothing environment. In a cruel prank however, concocted
by folks at Palo Alto, California, it turns out the “trees”-in-question were
merely Stanford students wearing
traditional mascot garb, who eventually
bolted away from the 7th and 8th graders, mumbling
something from the Lord of the Rings
trilogy about “Isengard” and “da’ last
march of da’ Ents, noting it was
“likely that we go to our doom.”!
We started slow, heading into Saturday’s tilts at
just 1-2 (blowin’ yet-another Top 25 prediction
based on a total), before catchin’ a second-wind,
but ultimately could not fend-off a flurry of losses, finishing the fortnight
at 8-9 (67-75-3, .472). With
Halloween on the horizon, more-frightenin’ then Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers,
Jason Vorhees, Leatherface and Dr. Frank-N-Furter all rolled into one, it’s…
THE
WEBER KID’S 2015 WEEK 9 FORECAST
(Seein’
more action than a Louisville basketball recruit!)
THURS.
OCT. 29
West
Virginia (+14) over #5 TCU: Both come in having
spent some extra time-off. Two of last three in this series have gone to at
least one overtime period. Mounties 31-30 defeat last season kicked-off a
three-game SU losing streak. ‘Eers on current 0-3 SU/ATS slide and face fourth
straight ranked opponent. But the Froggies visit Stillwater next week and after
yielding just 19 ppg last year, are granting almost 39 points per game in 2015,
including 37 in home-win vs. Southern Methadone University…TCU 49 WVU 41
North
Carolina (-3) over #23 PITTSBURGH: LOCK OF DA’ WEEK. We
concur with the line, which suggests the Tarheels have been lying in wait for
this one vs. Panthers squad that has won four consecutive matches by a
touchdown or less and has seen six of eight overall decided by eight or fewer
points…Carolina 23 Pitt 17
SAT.
OCT. 31
#1
Ohio State: IDLE (next vs. Minnesota)
#2
Baylor: IDLE
(next 11/5 @ Kansas State)
#3
Clemson (-10 ½) over NC STATE: For the Game of Thrones fans, Vindy pushed Tigers
coach Dabo Swinney out the Moon Door, ahead
of Clemson’s 58-0 shutout of Miami, because
he wanted “to see the halftime-man ‘fly’!” While we certainly
didn’t anticipate that kinda’
margin-of-victory, now-former Miami coach Al Golden was kicked to da’ curb as a
result, like we predicted in Week 8.
Wolfpack, 4-2 ATS, rebounded from a pair of tough losses vs. the Carnals…er…um…Cardinals…and the Hokies…by whackin’ Wake Forest last week. The D
has been solid, allowing only two opponents more than 20 points and CU faces a
CFP survival game next vs. the Seminoles, but… Tigers 27 NC State 14
#4
Louisiana State: IDLE (next 11/7 vs. Alabama)
#6
Michigan State: IDLE (next @ Nebraska)
#7
Alabama: IDLE (next vs. LSU)
WASHINGTON
STATE (+11 ½) over #8 Stanford: Despite 45-42 track-meet
at Arizona, can’t see bucking the momentum of the surging Cougars, who’ve won 5
of 6 after dropping opener to FCS Portland State. Trees look for sweep of Apple
State teams following win over UDUB (Cardinal’s first spread-loss in six games)…
Stanford 44 Wazzou 37
#21
TEMPLE (+10) over #9 Notre Dame: Leprechauns got a bye
last week. Owls have three outright triumphs when getting points on the year and
have covered 5 of 7 overall. Irish have been unreliable as road chalk. Temple
grudgingly allows points-against and has cashed four tickets in as many
opportunities against the Top 25. TU didn’t close out “upset” at ECU until
final 3:30 to play, but how’s this for
our UPSET PICK OF DA’ WEEK???!!! ...
Barnyard Birds 27 Catholics 24
Maryland
(+17) over #10 IOWA: With Nebraska falling by the wayside,
Hawkeyes only remaining challenge to a perfect regular-season looks to be a road-trip
to Indy next week. Terps have played some inspired ball since 28-zip defeat by
the Wolverines and punted just twice in 1-point loss to Penn State last
weekend...Iowa 31 Turtles 20
#11
Florida (-2 ½) over Georgia (@ Jacksonville, FL): We
find no compelling reason to think Crocs won’t win and cover this. RB Nick
Chubb had 7 rushing touchdowns before injury sidelined him for the rest of the
year. Dawgs have recorded 0 rushing scores in the past two games and have lost
three consecutive matches overall. Gators won big in last season’s edition
following three Cocktail Party victories by Joja’. UGA QB Lambert shows nice
9-2 TD-to-pick ratio but Florida has limited opponents to just 8 aerial
touchdowns while grabbing 7 interceptions and allowing 55.5% completion. If
that’s not enough, Georgia won 9-6 vs. Missouri “between the hedges”. Gators
won 21-3 in Columbia. Neither FG-unit
inspires confidence, so it could get interesting if it’s close late in the
game, but…Florida 24 Georgia 17
#12
Oklahoma State (-2 ½) over TEXAS TECH: Guns
Up
is 3-1 ATS in past tries as a home ‘dog, but none of those spreads were this
close. Line might be respectful of shoulda’-been-victory vs. TCU, but ‘Pokes
have the better D and can and will trade
points on offense…State 34 Tech 28
#13
UTAH (-24) over Oregon State: Utes 38 Beavers 9
KANSAS
(+39) over #14 Oklahoma: Sooners 44 KU 10
#15
Michigan (-14) over MINNESOTA: Second choice for lock
of da’ week. Wolverines hit the
field after two weeks to stew about crazy loss to Michigan State. Big Blue has
three shutouts already and leads the country in scoring defense. Gophers laid a
goose-egg at Northwestern and could be on the wrong end of one here too… Michigan
24 Minny 3
#16
MEMPHIS (-31) over Tulane: Tigers 49 Wave 13
Syracuse
(+20) over #17 FLORIDA STATE: ‘Noles 28 ‘Cuse 13
Vanderbilt
(+11) over #18 HOUSTON: The irresistible-force meets the
immovable-object. Admirals lost by 9 at Mississippi…Coogs 31 ‘Dores 23
#19
Mississippi (-7) over AUBURN: Fer da’ Twilight Zone fans in the readership,
Tigers wished-away WR D’haquille Williams into
the cornfield earlier this month for punchin’ four (count ‘em, four!) guys in a dispute over
sunglasses. If ya listen closely to da’ jukebox,
ya can hear… “My future’s so bright, I gotta’ wear….shades!” Ole Miss has lost 5 of the last 6 years in this contest,
including 35-31 last season, but need this to stay just behind idle LSU for
contention in the SEC West. Expect the Tigers to start out flat after coming
back to tie Arkansas late 4th Quarter only to drop the game in
4OT…Rebels 29 Auburn 17
#20
Toledo: IDLE (next 11/3 vs. Northern Illinois)
Miami
@ #22 DUKE: OFF
Colorado
(+21) over #24 UCLA: Bruins QB Josh Rosen was forced to wave
“adios” to his in-room hot-tub this week. Seizing an opportunity to gain an
edge, an anonymous Buffaloes graduate-assistant paid independent-contractors a
few extra Jacksons to re-install the spa… in the visitors’ locker room!...UCLA 35
Colorado 19
#25
Mississippi State: IDLE (next 11/5 @ Missouri)
BETWEEN
THE HASHMARKS
BTW, following a
tumultuous offseason, the besieged No
Ferns League, needing something
positive, and thus taking a “kinder, gentler league” approach, agreed to
establish similar conditions (overseen by the Department of the Interior) for
draft-hopefuls taking the WonderlicTest
at the 2016 Combine! To which we simply respond, “I am…Groot!”
With the NBA regular-season underway this week, K-State
band-director Frank Tracz will attempt to honor a certain famous baller by
having his charges reenact Starfleet Academy’s Kobe Bryant Maru training exercise! In related news, Volkswagen has been accused of creating
software that defeats toxic emissions tests. Capt. James T. Kirk quickly came
to the defense of the auto-maker, saying V-Dub didn’t cheat, it “simply changed
the conditions of the test.”
With Boise State invading Sin City this weekend, we
follow-up on our thoughts from Week 3 regarding upgrades being made to Sam Boyd
Stadium…we think costumed mobsters in
the end zones might provide more of the desired home-venue advantage!!! The
stadium-operator will also engage sound-effects of coins droppin’ outta’
slot-machines each time the Rebels score and will show a digital-graphic of a
pull on a slot-machine that may award UNLV extra possessions or bonus
point-multipliers! (How’s that fer psychological warfare/getting’ into the
heads of the opponents???!!!). And much like casino table-game pits do, the
officiating crew will change referees periodically or when the visiting team
starts to score too often!
Central Michigan offers
a class comparing themes in modern-day flicks/TV series featuring
post-apocalyptic scenarios, including zombies, etc., to those found in ancient
Biblical content. Ironically, students found themselves reviewing Chippies
game-film this week after their close-call at Ball State!
As promised, we propose a
few more pigskin-related Beatles tunes in the wake of Week 8’s lead story…Julius Peppers’ Lonely Hearts-Club Band,
Running Back Writer, Rocky Top Raccoon, She Came In Through
the Locker Room Window and, of
course,…Why Don’t We Don’t Do It In
Da’ Road-Game!
GEICO insurance commercial meets Halloween meets football….”It’s da’ final Count Dracula-down-and-distance”!
If we tune-in to the horror
movie Child’s Playbook, will we hear
the evil doll say, “Hi! My name’s Chucky…and
I’ll be your friend to the tight end!” Or
maybe…”to the end zone?” How
‘bout…“I’m
Chucky! Wanna’ plaaaaaaaaaay-off?”
Quoting Ash in one of our fave flicks, Bruce Campbell and the Army of Darkness…“Klaatuuuu…verata….(cough)
Nitwit Lions…Nickle-back! (the position, not the band!)...Nicholls State!...Nickolodeon!...Nicole Kidman!” Fans of da’ movie know how that sequence turned-out!
Penn State has gone with the new NFL-type “FlyWire”
collars on its uniforms this year. Reportedly, the collars “eliminate layers,
reduce weight and provide lockdown fit”. The alma mater elected that option
after initially testing “FlyPaper” collars, which simply attract and trap the
insects-in-question around the neckline, giving players da’ heebie-jeebies!
Major League Baseball is considering lowering the
boom on teams that spray fans with champagne in celebration of advancement in
the playoffs, as doing so violates league policy against having alcohol outside
the locker room. We’ll pretend we know nothing about the price-gauging 16-oz
cups of Bud Light being purchased and
consumed by folks in the stands throughout the ballpark. In response,
celebrating-teams will shower fans with the old “snakes-in-a-can” trick instead!
“Wish
We Had It Back”: We called the Florida State-4 ½ over
JOJA’ TECH match our “best guess” for this category and yup…Bees took the game outright.
Honorable mention to our Utah +3 ½ over USC selection. We woulda’ still stayed
with that choice, but woulda’ gone with second-option
Houston as “lock” instead!
“Locked
in a Box?”: Two
weeks straight now, our second-choice
has come thru while our designated
teams have not! Utah got its asterisk
handed to it by USC, continuing our death-spiral, currently at 1-7 (.125).
Black
Shirt: The prized-apparel is wingin’ its way to Duke
quarterback Thomas Sirk for 379 combined rushing and passing yards that
accounted for four scores, including game-winner in the 4th OT vs.
favored-Virginia Tech!
Shoppe
Talk: We’re hanging a few less Tigers on the wall as
Clemson finally put one in the win-column for us (1-5, .167, 4-14 last 18,
.222) but in their places, we string-up a bunch of coonskin caps as Tennessee
checks-in at 0-4 (.000). Meanwhile, we’re revokin’ the earlier-awarded Black Shirt for FSU mascot-steed Renegade in light of current 1-4 slide
by Florida State!
Vindy’s
Week 9 Best Bets: Last Week: 3-2 Season: 19-19 (.500)
JOJA’ SUDDEN -21 over Texas State, Illinois +5 ½ over
PENN STATE, NAVY -7 over South Florida, San Diego State -3 over COLORADO STATE,
East Carolina -7 over UCONN, WAKE FOREST +11 ½ over Louisville, Oregon-ARIZONA
STATE “over” 66
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